I own nothing. Least of all this.

1:19

"...What?"

"Darlig Ulv Stranden. Bad Wolf Bay. Stars going out. And, quite possibly, the single worst day of a good many people's lives. Including...well. No need to go into all that. But from my point of view, that was where it stopped."

"...Your point?"

"Yes. Mine."

"Doctor, you're not making sense."

"...No, no I don't suppose I am. Sorry. It's just…", I rubbed the back of my head, "This would have been easier with tea. Most things usually are."

*Wee-woop* (Behind you).

I turned.

Sure enough, table for two, tea set and all.

I gave the console a look.

"Really. I go through all that trouble for him-in-the-bow-tie, not a peep from you. But one of your favorites shows up, instant room service. Why am I not surprised."

*BLAT*

"Oi! Language!"

I turned back to Rose.

Blimey, this was gonna be awkward.

"Well, she obviously agrees about the tea. I suggest we sit down. After you."

And so we sat.

I started. "I guess, the first thing I should say is...sorry. I'm...sorry. For, well...for everything that happened to you. But mostly, for not telling you this in a kinder way...I'm not your Doctor."

"..You mean you've changed your face again."

"No, Rose. I'm literally not your Doctor. Your Doctor is, I believe, currently careening around his universe like a kid in a candy shop. I'm merely an...echo...of that. Of him."

"...How did you get here."

"There was an...explosion. The TARDIS, it...blew up. Took the whole universe with it. Made a lot of nasty Cracks in space and time as well, including in other realities. Including mine. Including yours. That's how I slipped through, by the way. Long story short, the Doctor ended up 'rebooting' the universe. Big Bang Two. But he got caught on the wrong side of it. Trapped in the VOID, him and his TARDIS. Oh, he got back through, but before he did, before all those nasty little Cracks sealed themselves off...I fell through one. Landed in your Doctor's TARDIS, just before he made it back. And I wasn't meant to. Me landing there broke the timeline. So, when the Doctor left, it split the TARDIS, leaving me behind in the VOID. It was sheer luck I happened to land at all, much less where I did. Where I could fix at least one thing the Doctor did wrong: leaving you behind."

Her hand hit mine just before it hit my face.

"Striking out at me won't change the facts, Rose. It was wrong of him to leave you. Both times. Believe me, I've been there before, on both sides of the coin. And not only did he leave you, he left his mess behind as well for you to fix. You may have loved him. He may have loved you. But if you had no choice but to take whatever he gave you and be grateful, then I'm sorry. But that's abuse. And you deserve better than that."

Slowly, I dropped my hand, hers still caught in it. "Now, are you going to try and slap me again?"

"...No guarantees."

"That's fair. No lies between us. The Doctor lies enough for us both."

I leaned back, and released my grip on her hand. "Alright then. Moving on. Landed in Canary Wharf. Hid, found out what had happened since Davros, didn't much like what I saw. Took out everything I could, rescued you, escaped, made a couple of side trips to deal with some things I didn't want people getting their hands on, and did some very complicated flying to slip back through the Crack into the VOID, which brings us up to speed. Any questions."

"...You said you took out what you could. What did you mean."

"Let's see: bankrupted Abstergo (the company holding you, by the way, who reported to a bunch of nasty people called Templars), hacked and dumped every file of theirs I could find on the web, released every single person they were keeping around for 'research purposes', and then killed every Templar I could find, just to be sure. Oh, and I blew up pretty much every building and lab they owned."

"...You killed all of them."

"Well, not all of them, I'm pretty sure. I'm not that lucky. But the few I missed, I'm sure the Assassins will mop up quickly."

"...You're not the Doctor."

"Yes. We established that."

"No, I mean...you said you were... from another universe. But I don't think...you were the Doctor there, eifer."

"Oh, well-spotted, Rose Tyler. I had to make that clear to the Doctor when I met him. How could you tell?"

"The Doctor... he wouldn't kill. Never. Not like you did."

"Did he ever tell you what happened in the Time War? What all he did?"

"...No."

"Then trust me when I say the Doctor can and has done far worse than just killing. Nevertheless, you're right. I'm not the Doctor. I'm merely someone who was fortunate enough to see his life play out on another stage."

"...Then who are you."

"The Witcher, Rose Tyler. I am the Witcher. Time Lord Unbroken, at your service. Pleasure to meet you."

"Wish I could say the same."

"Ah, there's the Rose Tyler I know. The Defender of Earth. The Woman Who Saved The Doctor. The…", I glued my eyes to hers, "...Bad Wolf."

A flash.

"DO NOT TELL HER."

"Would it hurt her?"

"YES. SHE WOULD BURN."

"Got it. Still, it's nice to talk to you again."

"...YOU AS WELL. I HAVE HAD NO ONE ELSE FOR...FAR TOO LONG."

"Well, if nothing else, you'll have me for a good while. I'll try my best, but be warned, I'm not a great conversationalist."

A small smile. "YOU SEEM TO BE DOING ALRIGHT."

"What, this? This is exposition. This is easy. Ask me for my opinion on clothes, and I'll just blank. I mean, honestly, have you seen what I wear? I can't even carry a conversation with myself long enough to choose something that doesn't look like a toddler picked it out."

She laughed. It was music, airy and sweet, yet with the crackle of thunder behind it.

It was beautiful.

I was sad when she stopped.

"I WILL RETURN HER NOW. REMEMBER, YOU CANNOT HEAL HER. THAT IS FOR ANOTHER."

"Understood."

"AS YOU SAY, CATCH YOU ON THE FLIP SIDE."

She blinked, and the glow was gone.

"...Not the last one. Not for awhile now."

"...Sorry. That must be a sore subject."

"No, it's fine. Just...it was a long time ago."

"Yes. For everyone, I think."

"...The Doctor...how old is he now?"

And so I told her.

I told her all of his adventures since she left, with special care given to Martha Jones and her story. She laughed when I told her about Rory's stag party, she cried when the Pandorica opened, she squealed when Shakespeare shouted "EXPELLIARMUS!"

I may not have been able to heal her, but I could certainly try to help.

And all through the stories, the tea in the pot slowly went down, and the Jammie Dodgers disappeared from the wrapper, until all we were left with was empty cups and full smiles.

A light snore came from the chair across from mine. I sighed, and swallowed the last dregs from my cup. Looked like it was time for bed.

Funny; I had known her less than a day, and this was already the second time I had carried her to bed and tucked her in. She snored into my shoulder all the way up the stairs. Note to self: for deeper sleep, ask the Old Girl for some tea beforehand. It seemed to do the trick.

I ventured a glance back, just before I cut out the light. She was curled up into herself, surrounded by blankets and pillows. Still not used to sleeping with a source of warmth, then. I hoped that would eventually fade, but only Time would tell. It always did.

I flipped the switch.

I knew how dangerous it was to let her fall back into a routine, considering she had been living with one for over two centuries now. So the next morning I surprised her with breakfast in bed.

That went about as well as you would expect.

It turned out alright in the end, though. I guess the sight of me covered in orange juice and eggs was just too funny to resist.

After one humongous food fight, things seemed to smooth out. And for the next two weeks, we did...pretty much whatever we wanted. We would float in the pool and read (I kept her far away from the Doctor's real name), have more food fights, throw tea parties, day-long Monopoly tournaments (we never did find the top-hat piece again after one spectacularly thrown board), and at the end of the day, we would sit in front of a roaring fireplace and trade stories that the other hadn't heard. Judoon, Arachnis, Cyber-men, Daleks, Werewolves, Vampires, and the Devil, just to name a few.

Oh, there were downsides too. After that first night, the nightmares started. And no amount of the Old Girl's tea seemed to help. And first, when they would come, all I could do was rush to her room and hold her tight, until the both of us would fall asleep together. We gave up on that after the first week; we began spending all night in front of that same peaceful fire, neither one of us letting go of the other. Uncomfortable? A little. But worth it, if it helped her.

It was at the end of the second week, when the inevitable finally happened.

We hit the Doctor's universe.

And when I say hit, I mean hit.

Turns out the plughole at the bottom of the universe doesn't like when fast things try to squeeze through. Who knew?

*CLANG!*

"WILL YOU BEHAVE!"

"WITCHER!"

"YES, YES, I KNOW, THE FRICTION CONTRAFIBRILATOR!"

*SCREEEEEEEEE!*

"OI, I'M TRYING!"

*CLANG, CLANG, CLANG!*

*Ding!*

"HAH! DID IT!"

VWHOOOOSH, VWHOOOOSH, VWHOOO-

SMASH

"...Oooooo, me head. Wait, where did the banana come from?"

"Witcher!"

"Oops! Sorry!"

I wobbled over. "Please say you're alright."

"...A little banged up, but I'm fine. Just never, and I mean NEVER, do that again."

"...Understood, boss."

"Good."

I helped her to her feet. "I wonder where we've come down? Certainly not Earth, I mean, we didn't hit hard enough, but maybe ..."

I pushed the doors open, rubble falling out as I did so.

I activated my mask, and stepped out.

Yep, definitely not Earth.

The night sky that hung above shone with stars I didn't recognize, and yet somehow I knew the names of each and every one.

Just beneath the sky, a rocky ridge rose (ha! alliteration!), with torches at intervals along the edge.

And beneath the ridge, stood…

A ring of red-clad figures, all holding torches of their own.

Oh, bollocks.

"Karn. We've landed on Karn."