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1:24

"Aliens. You're tellin' us there's aliens. Real. Life. Aliens."

"I'm afraid so."

"...Goddammit! Do you know how annoying it is to lose a bet to Kaylee? I'm never gonna hear the end of it."

"...You're telling me, that you and Kaylee, had a bet, on whether or not aliens were real."

"What, like we had better things to bet on?"

"He's got a point, Captain."

Mal sighed. "I don't even want to know what it is exactly you just lost."

"Well, you see…"

"Jayne, I said I don't want to know."

Rose stifled a snort. Most of the rest of the crew was trying to hide grins as well.

"So, you all believe me then?"

"Managed to bankrupt both the local government and Badger, got away without a mark on your name, which, incidentally, I tried to look up, only to find it didn't exist, not restricted, non-existent, and just had a floating cube somehow magically appear on board a space-bound ship with a message meant specifically for you? I'm gonna go with aliens or wizards. Neither of which concerns me all that much. What does concern me, is the mess of words that little glowy boy just spit out. Demon's Run? Please tell me that's a clever name and has nothing to do with actual demons."

"Ironically, it's the exact opposite. Base of operations for a religious group called The Silence. Bunch of very nasty people, humans and aliens alike. But luckily, very, very predictable."

"Religious how?"

"They have only one belief. That there is a Question. The oldest Question in the universe, hidden in plain sight. And no matter the cost, no matter the price, that Question must never be answered."

"So fanatics then."

"On that one topic, yes."

"You fought 'em before?"

"No. That was always the Doctor's job."

"The man that sent the message."

"Yes."

"But now he's asking for you to fight 'em."

"It would appear so. Which is good news for you and your crew, Captain."

"How so?"

"Two reasons: one, your ship is about to get a whole lot of free undetectable alien upgrades. And two, you all just got a two-hundred percent pay raise. Cause I'm definitely gonna need the whole lot of you for this job."

"Either make it three-hundred percent, or start explaining exactly how dangerous this things' gonna be. I don't care to get my crew caught up in something that's 'above our pay grade'."

"How about four-hundred percent, and an explanation?"

"...That works."

"One condition."

"Shoot."

"When we get to Demon's Run, you all do exactly as I say. That means you shoot who I tell you to, and no questions asked about how we get to where we're going."

"Deal. Start explaining."

"Miss Zoe, if you would be so kind as to go and fetch Kaylee? We're gonna need her for this next bit. Simon, I would appreciate it if you started putting together what you need to treat sword wounds. Captain, I'm gonna need your permission to start running some connections from that box sitting in your cargo hold throughout the rest of the ship. River, or whoever's the best pilot, is gonna need a crash course in flying on TARDIS controls."

"What the hell's a TARDIS?"

"Something above your pay-grade, Jayne. Now, I'm gonna hook the cloaking systems of my TARDIS up to the Serenity. The hard part of will be making sure I don't touch anything too important, hence why I need Kaylee. River will then fly us through a very complicated shortcut to the Run, where we will then dock and wait. Once I give the signal, the Captain, Zoe, and Simon will board and make your way to the largest cluster of life-signs. What you'll be running into is a subgroup of the Silence called the Headless Monks. Dress all in red robes with the hoods pulled up. Needless to say, you can't head-shot 'em. Chest or legs. They're very fond of using double-sided swords, hence why the good doctor will be prepared for cuts and stabs. They should be the only hostiles you'll encounter. Put 'em all down, quick as you can. Save all those you find not dressed in red. Once everyone's either dead or rescued, we pack up, and leisurely make our way off back through the shortcut, hopefully with some new passengers. Any questions?"

"Yeah, what the hell am I supposed to do while you all do the fun stuff?"

"My sincere apologies, Jayne. I have two very important jobs for you. While we're waiting for the opportune moment, you are gonna make your way around on the outside of the Run with a spacesuit and the absolute biggest gun you have, which I intend to upgrade as well to make even bigger booms. When I give the signal, consider all transports trying to leave as enemy targets. Take as many out as you can. Each one you get is another thousand credits on your pay. Easy money, considering they're not gonna be able to shoot back."

"I'm liking you more and more by the minute."

"Thanks. Just one more thing: do you happen to have any spare revolvers?"

"Tons of 'em."

"Good. Cause I'm gonna need one."


"A Rhino. You have, an honest-to-goodness, Chiappa Rhino."

"I know, right? You know how hard it is to get your hands on antiques like that? Can't use it, cause of the flash burns, but the thing just looks cool."

"Yeah, well now it's about to shoot cool as well."

Just the very fact that I had happened to dig up a revolver chambered in 9mm was lucky enough, but for it to be the closest to a replica of the infamous Last Word hand-cannon as well? Destiny (see what I did there) certainly loved her irony.

I slid six of my Abstergo-appropriated, moon-clipped laser cartridges into the cylinder. Perfect fit.

"Voila. The done, she is tricked. One infinitely firing laser-revolver to go."

"...Oh, I gotta get me one of those."

"Here. Eight more for you, whenever you find a gun that can take 'em."

"Aw hell yeah. Now, you said something about upgrading.." he hauled an absolutely massive case into sight, "this bad boy?"

"...Jayne. Just where did you get ahold of a Carl Gustav recoil-less rifle?"

Rifle in this case was a vast understatement. Things could bust bunkers that were under the bunker they just busted. And with HEAT rounds, let's just say whoever you aimed one at was gonna have a very bad day.

"What, you thought all we smuggled was just mildly illegal?"

"...Fair point. I'm guessing however that ammo was a bit hard to come by?"

"You could say that."

"Hmm. Let's fix that. I've got an idea."


"You gave Jayne an infinitely firing rocket launcher."

"No Captain, try and keep up. He already had the launcher. I just gave him some indestructible ammo that will fly for far longer than normal, with an attached teleportation system that puts the missile right back in the tube after it hits its target, so you can send it right back out again. So, instead of him having just ten shells, he now has the equivalent of around a thousand. Also, you might want to keep Jayne away from the shepherd. He made some passing remarks about roping him into hitching the pair of us, and I'm pretty sure Rose would have some things to say on that subject."

"Wouldn't she just. Alright, we're standing in front of your...TARDIS. And I'm failing to see how you managed to fit cloaking technology inside that little bitty amount of space."

"I didn't."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Then beg."

I snapped my fingers, and the doors swung open.

"I fit cloaking technology into this much, much larger amount of space."

"But..but that's…"

"It's bigger on the inside."

"Yeppppppp. Love it when they say that."

"SQUEEEEEE!"

"Really, Kaylee?"

"But Captain, she's so beautiful!"

"She?"

"Yes. She. What else would you call a ship with this much personality?"

*Bu-Wheep* (Damn straight).

"SQUEEEE! Captain, she talks!"

"Yes. And she does quite a bit more than that. This is the TARDIS. Time and Relative Dimension in Space. The most powerful ship in the universe. And it's mine."

"...I'm confused. If you have a ship, why'd you ship out on ours?"

"Bit conspicuous. The Old Girl doesn't exactly have the most subtle method of travel. Appearing and disappearing right in front of people usually has a lot of people questioning their religion. And that's attention you really don't need when moving around someplace like Alliance space. But now, we can appear and disappear as much as we like."

But you still need Serenity why, exactly? We could all just pile onto your ship and fly to this Demon's Run place."

"We could. But there are certain people on board the Run I would really appreciate not knowing I have a TARDIS, and besides, it just means you get a free cloaking system out of the deal. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, Captain."

"Fine. How long to rig up the system?"

"Not long. Especially with Kaylee's help."

"She's enjoying this. Almost like an...adrenaline rush? She says she loves it whenever you pick up new strays."

"Aaaaaand of course she talks to you."

"SQUEEEEE! Wait, strays? What's she mean strays? Do you keep pets? Do you have a dog?"

*Bwoo* (Once).

"She says she did in fact used to have a dog."

"SQUEEEE! Puppies on a spaceship!"

I sighed. "Sorry Captain. Looks like it's gonna take a lot longer than I thought."


"Are you sure you've got it River?"

"Yes. The Old Girl was quite specific about how to fly her."

"Good. Just follow the coordinates, and we should be good."

"...Why didn't you say you travel in time too?"

A sigh slipped out. "Of course she'd tell you that. The thing is, people...tend to think time travel is there for them to fix whatever went wrong in their life. Fix your job, fix your school, fix your war. It's not something most people should ever have to wrestle with."

"You're trying to fix Demon's Run, though. Aren't you? I don't think it happened like this before."

"...No, no it didn't. But I'm a Time Lord. Fixing things is my job. And the Doctor's too, to an extent. I can't change everything about today. But maybe, I can change just one thing. And sometimes, that's all you need."

"...Am I a Time Lord too?"

"Not completely sure. You can talk to the TARDIS, and Rose can see that you're like Us. So at the very least, you're part Time Lord. We can check later, if you'd like."

"...I would."

"Alright. Incidentally, how long ago was it for you? The Academy, I mean."

"...Six years."

"And you haven't aged a day since then, have you?

"...No."

"That's all I was wondering. Thank you. Just one more thing. After we dock, would you mind keeping Rose company? I was thinking, maybe...you...can help her more than me."

"...I'll try."

"Thank you, once again."

"We ready to go up here?"

I swiveled to face the bridge door. "Whenever you're ready Captain."

"Punch it."

"You heard the man, River." I smiled. "Punch away."

VWHOOOOOOOOOM!

Jayne's screaming was totally worth it.