I own nothing. Least of all this.
1:28
Landing a cloaked spaceship in Leadworth was infinitely easier once I remembered there was a convenient wheat field that had already been used for crop circles (well, from my point of view at least). Some of the Serenity's crew (hm, hm, Kaylee) had gotten it into their bonnet to go exploring, and as much fun as it would have been to see certain people even more hyped up on caffeine, it really wasn't a good idea to have anyone wandering around and discovering they were on Earth-That-Was. It had taken some fast-talking about inoculations and alien bacteria (not technically untrue) to knock the idea out of their heads. And Simon was more than helpful in pointing out the dangers of visiting alien worlds with unknown diseases.
The Pond's goodbyes to Song lasted for a fair amount of time, presumably with a good deal of crying and hugging. I can't say for sure; I didn't ask. Wasn't my place. When Song finally boarded the Serenity, I was relieved that no one mentioned the quite obvious red tinge to her eyes. She deserved at least some closure, considering what her life had been up until then. First time your parents meet you, and it's right after you're kidnapped from right in front of them. Time travel!
Still, it was time to go. And I had an answer to get from Captain Reynolds.
"Well, Captain. Where shall I drop you and your ship off?"
"About that...we're overdue to pick up a passenger from Pelorum. We were actually on our way there when that little devil cube broke loose. So, if you don't mind, I would greatly appreciate it if we could get there with all possible haste."
"Of course. And my answer?"
"...Fine. Whoever wants to can go. But as for me, I fully intend to take that nice little vacation on the beach."
"Understandable."
"I'll tell the crew where we're heading, and then about the job. Jayne'll go; he ain't overly fond of Pelorum. River, for sure. The doc, maybe, but I doubt it. And the others'll probably stay."
"As expected. Thank you."
"Don't mention it."
His coat flapped behind him as he left.
"You respect him. Trust him. Why?"
"Because, Song, there are some soldiers who never came home from their war. It's still going on for them, just with different stakes. For the Captain, the stakes are his crew. Each one is a part of him that he's lost: his humor, his joy, his heart, his compassion, his mind. And I don't think he could handle losing them again. So on he goes, always fighting, never resting. I guess...he just reminds me of someone I used to know."
"...Me too."
"...I'm sorry. I know how it feels, loving the stars themselves."
"...That's a nice way of putting it. Thank you. So, tell me more about this planet we're about to burn to the ground."
"Osiris. Named after the Egyptian god of the afterlife, ironically enough, considering what it's home to. Main hub is a place called Capital City, home to the galaxy's High Court. And a very nice medical school. Place is known for its blackout zones; places where the electricity is cycled off to conserve power for the upper class. Anyone caught in a blackout zone is automatically arrested, due to the impossibility of finding out whether or not they were actually engaged in criminal activity. And it would not surprise me in the least if the reason such a prominent world is running low on power is because of a set of state-sanctioned experiments I know for a fact would need a great deal of energy to work."
"Borusa?"
"Borusa. It's strange though; this isn't really his style. He was always more concerned with his own survival, no matter the cost. The fact he's switched to genetic experimentation...worries me."
"You think someone's pulling his strings?"
"Well, we'll just have to find out, won't we?"
"Won't we. I believe you promised the Captain a fast exit. Probably best if you follow through."
"Right. Talk to Jayne; he'll get you kitted up with whatever you need. Tell him it'll go on his paycheck."
"That should brighten his day."
"Just so. See you back on the TARDIS."
The Captain was entirely correct in his predictions. Turned out the passenger they were supposed to pick up was Inara (no surprise there), and most of the crew at least wanted to say hello. Kaylee, Shepherd, Zoe, and her kid were all planning to stay behind, and with Lorna still unconscious, Simon was staying as well. Jayne was more than willing to jump right back into a firefight (shocker), and River was, well, River, about it. That made five of us. More than enough to dismantle whatever nasty little plans Borusa had put in place during his time on Osiris. All I had to do now was come up with a plan.
Or, at least twelve percent of one.
Fortunately, I had an in.
"That...is a terrible in."
"If you have a better suggestion Song, I'm all ears. If not, this is what we're working with."
"I like it."
"Only because it leads to more shooting for you."
"And your point is?"
"The point is, Jayne, that you can't let yourself get too trigger-happy. No shooting until Witcher says so. If we go too fast, Borusa will realize he's being played."
"Which is why you'll be the one going with him to slow him down. River and Song can handle the second and fourth parts of the plan, I'll take care of the first bit, and then you two can deal with the third part however you want. But only after the first and second parts are taken care of. Are we clear, Jayne?"
"Sure thing, boss."
"Good. Rose, I know you're a little out of practice when it comes to target-shooting. Try not to shoot Jayne on accident."
She twirled the Last Word in her right hand. "How 'bout on purpose?"
"Completely understandable if you do. I won't hold it against you."
"Hey!"
"Hey! Yourself. Well? Are we ready to go? Or not?"
"Aside from any concerns I may have about relying on you to watch our backs with just a knife, we should be good."
"Doctor Song, I'll have you know that this is my favorite knife."
"...Okay then. Jayne? Enough grenades?"
"Never! But I'll make do."
"Excellent. Rose?"
"Locked and loaded."
"Alright then. And for me, psychic paper, mask, and my tools. Check to all of the above. The Serenity is cleared for landing, the money's in all the right places, and we are ready to rock and roll. Aaaaaaaand…"
I threw the lever.
"Way down we go!"
VWHOOOOOSH. VWHOOOOOSH. VWHOOOOOSH.
"S'that it? That ain't so bad."
"Far better than the Doctor's flying, I'll give you that."
"What can I say? I had a good teacher."
*Boo-weep* (The best).
"That's telling him, Old Girl."
"...Something tells me I'm gonna regret bringing all the snarkiest TARDIS conversationalists together."
"Now, whatever gave you that idea?"
"Hush you."
"Make me."
"Down girl. We've got a lot to get done before we can celebrate. This is your stop I believe, Witcher."
"And so it is. Doctor Song, you have the con."
"Oooooh, I do love a sailor."
"Shame I was never in the navy, then. Catch you on the Flip Side."
"Catch you, sweetie."
Capital City was about what I expected. Too many people, not enough distributed to the right people. Ayn Rand would've had a field day. And Isaac Asimov, come to think of it.
Not important. What was important, was the rather impressive skyscraper I was currently standing in front of. Operational headquarters of "the Academy", and Borusa's office to boot. Not exactly hard to find. Almost as if he was expecting visitors. Well, aside from the whole "parents-who-weren't-able-to-handle-their-gifted-children" kind.
I waltzed in.
The receptionist was about what you'd expect a receptionist to be. My psychic paper made quick work of whatever objections she might have had, and moved her directly to the "if there's literally anything I can do for you, I would love to do so" stage.
"Inform Headmaster Borusa that Theta-Sigma wishes to be announced. And that I come bearing news of the whereabouts of one...Koschei."
"I'm sorry sir, did you say 'Koschei'?"
"Yes. The headmaster will understand. I'll wait for his reply."
"Of course, sir. Feel free to make yourself comfortable."
Comfortable. I was standing in a place that was about as close to Gallifrey as I could get without actually entering the pocket universe it was currently in. Comfortable was not in my vocabulary at the time.
"Sir? Headmaster Borusa wishes to speak with you as soon as possible. He is sending down his personal escort for your convenience."
"I am much obliged."
"My pleasure, sir."
Back to the waiting.
Ah, here they came. All dressed up in the uniform of Gallifreyan soldiers. Really, it was like they weren't even trying to hide.
Of course, I knew they weren't. This whole place just screamed "Trap for the Doctor!" as loud as it could. Shame the Doctor was only what they thought they had caught.
"Theta-Sigma?"
"That's my name, don't wear it out."
"You will come with us."
"Of course, of course. When in Rome, and all that."
No reaction.
"No? Don't know that one? Er, how 'bout 'time and tide melt the snowman'? No? Not that one either?"
Still nothing.
"Blimey, you lot might as well be Weeping Angels for all the stone faces I'm getting."
"You will come with us."
"Fine, fine. Boring conversation anyway. Alright: take me to your leader. Always wanted to say that."
Needless to say, it was a rather dull elevator ride.
When we finally stepped out, it was into the penthouse suite. Sculptures, paintings, knick-knacks of every variety. All cheap knock-offs of the Gallifreyan variety, of course. It wasn't like you could get the real thing here.
"You will be searched."
"Yeah, already been through that, mate. Downstairs. Didn't they tell you?"
"...You will wait here."
"Of course, of course."
Waiting again. Bureaucrats were always like that. One minute it's, "Oh, my dear sir, you really must come by to take care of this form as soon as possible", and the next, it was "Oh, my dear sir, so sorry to keep you waiting for so long, but as it happens, I'm just finishing up for the day, I'm afraid you'll have to come back tomorrow."
Infuriating.
But now, it was playing to my advantage. Every second spent here was one more second for Phases Two and Three to work with. Provided Jayne didn't do something stupid, that is.
"My dear Theta-Sigma."
I turned.
The man himself. Still wearing the same face as the last time I had seen him on-screen, to my slight surprise. Looked like the Time War hadn't been too unkind to him. More's the pity.
"I wish I could say this was both pleasant, and a surprise. But, unfortunately for you, it is neither. The materialization of your distinctive TARDIS, your psychic paper, and your general unkempt appearance all gave you away, I'm afraid."
"Yes, I rather expected that. Still, I'm here, and that's what matters."
"You are here to, what, exactly? Stop me? My dear Doctor, did you really think that Lord Rassilon would hang the fate of Gallifrey on merely one plan? You and the wayward Master may have prevented but one of his schemes, but rest assured, Gallifrey shall rise once more."
"Yeah, that's what everyone else thought too. Until Trenzalore, that is."
"...What."
"You know. Trenzalore. Planet with a giant Crack in Time and Space on it. Message broadcasted out to the entire galaxy. My grave. The final attempt of the Time Lords to return to our universe. Failed miserably, I'm glad to say."
"...No. No, I'm afraid you're quite mistaken Doctor. Even Trenzalore was not our final attempt."
"I beg your pardon?"
"There are yet more weapons left in Lord Rassilon's arsenal. More plans, more devices. Trenzalore was the last attempt for some measure of peaceful resolution, true. But now, it is Lord Rassilon pulling all of the strings once again."
"Yeah? And how's he pulling yours?"
"You forget, Doctor. I took his promise of immortality, fool that I was. I am tied now to his will, forever. I, and six others, who will watch as our Lord raises Gallifrey from its own ash. We are honored to be a part of this, his great restoration."
"Seven."
"What?"
"Seven others. You, plus the six others imprisoned in Rassilon's tomb. Eight faces, eight men."
"No, Doctor. There are but seven of us."
"Eight."
"Seven."
"Eight."
"SEVEN!"
"Blimey, no need to shout! I can't help it if your maths are off! What? What are you staring at?"
"...You don't know."
"Don't know...what?"
"You don't, do you? You don't know of the first?"
"I'm sorry, the who now?"
"Oh, oh, this is just too good! Our Lord's victory is truly assured now! There is an east wind coming, my dear Doctor. And you will be merely a kite, dancing in it's hurricane."
"Why are you telling me all this?"
"Oh, didn't I say? Forgive me. That was impolite of me. You promised me news of Koschei, of course. It is the only reason you were allowed to live this long; that, and the fact you idiotically came here without your usual sonic trickery. Tell me more of what you know, and your death will be a rather painless one, compared to the one that Rassilon has promised. Now, indulge me; what has your dear friend done now?"
"Well, first off, he's not a he anymore. He is, in fact, a she."
"How interesting! Do go on."
"Calls herself the Mistress now. Kinda like the way that sounds. Lets see, what else. Oh yes! She managed to get ahold of a Nether-sphere, not quite sure how. Hooked it up to a Cyber-conversion program. Made for a lot of zombie Cyber-men walking around, let me tell you. Took quite a while to sort out. And in the end, she was killed."
"The Master has been dead before."
"Yes. But this time, it was me that killed her. She should be staying dead this time, that is, if I have anything to say about it. And, I did."
"...You...killed the Master? You?"
"...Yes?"
"...Oh, I have been a fool. Well played. You had me going there for quite a good bit. Really? Walking in here with no weapons at all? Not your style at all. Threw me completely off, I'll freely admit. But now, I'm afraid the jig is up."
"...I'm sorry, I don't understand."
"Oh, don't you just...Koschei."
Well, that was unexpected. Time for a change in plans.
"Oh, very well done, my dear sir! Took you long enough. I mean, the intrusion alarm on your wristband has been blinking for the last three minutes, so that should have given you the first clue that I was stalling. But I'm afraid, I can only give you half credit for your answer. You managed to deduce that I am, in fact, not the Doctor. But you have completely failed in your deduction of my true identity. As a chance to make up the difference, I shall give you three guesses as to who I really am. Time's ticking, headmaster; guess away!"
"...Ushas?"
"While it wouldn't be the first time she's stolen the Doctor's TARDIS, I'm afraid that's quite incorrect. Guess again!"
"...Mortimus?"
"Seriously? In these clothes? Monks never have been, and never will be, cool. So...strike two! One more strike, and you're out!"
"...Omega?"
"Aaaaaaaaaand he's out! Thanks a lot for playing, 'The Weakest Link'! As your prize, you have now won both the destruction of everything you've built here, aaaaaaaaaaand my true identity! My dear Borusa, for the first time in your life, you have come face to face with..."
I activated my mask.
"...The Witcher!"
The elevator door behind me opened...
And flying out, came a pair of scissor grenades.
Very effective, scissor grenades are. No matter what else you can say on the subject, you do have to admit, it is very hard to regenerate when your body has been sliced in half horizontally, no matter how much of a Time Lord you are.
The six dead members of Borusa's personal escort seemed to agree with me on the subject. Borusa himself, however, did not.
He had taken the usually wise approach to scissor grenades; namely, jumping, as opposed to my ducking. It was entirely unfortunate for him that Jayne's aim was a little high. You could even say that two missing legs made it...doubly...unfortunate.
I'll stop now.
"Sorry, boss. Not used to grenades bouncing hard like that. I wonder what kind of trick shots I can pull off with 'em…"
"We'll find out later, Jayne. For now, we have someone to interrogate."
"Hell yeah."
"Sorry guys. Not much interrogating to do. Moron was more than happy to go on and on to what he thought was his old student."
"Awwwww, you just suck the fun right out of everything."
"Everything else taken care of, Witcher?"
"Well, judging by the fact the dear headmaster's wristband has stopped blinking, I'd say either our com-padres are dead (unlikely), or they've finally silenced the alarm. Took them long enough. Song likes her theatrics."
"Says the man who had his backup ride underneath an elevator up five hundred stories just to blow their way out."
"Fair point. Oh, watch out, he's regenerating."
Golden light began to seep from the headmaster's form.
"Jayne, my Colt, if you don't mind."
"Sure thing boss."
Just in time too. The glow encompassed the whole room, leaving us covering our eyes. When it finally faded, I was frankly shocked to see what new face Borusa had acquired.
"Hey Borusa. The TV adaptation of Pride and Prejudice called. They want their Mr. Collins back."
He struggled to his brand new feet. "You laugh, Witcher. But soon, Lord Rassilon will be the one laughing."
Transparent plates slid into place over every wall.
"While we had anticipated the Doctor, you and your companions will have to do. Gallifrey will welcome you with open arms, and you will wish for the embrace of Death instead."
"Jokes on you, I'm already dead inside. And I believe in this case, I will most certainly have the last laugh. Because, Borusa, you have forgotten two very important things."
"Oh? Do tell."
"Firstly…" I began to move to the window, "you have forgotten that while we are quite a good way up, I have a TARDIS with a swimming pool that is capable of landing perpendicularly on buildings."
"A minor inconvenience, considering you can't breach the window."
"True. But this is where the second thing comes in: you have forgotten the time."
"The time?"
"Yes, headmaster. The time. Tell me: do you happen to know what time it is?"
"...No?"
"Well then, let me enlighten you. Because, it is, in fact, hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh….noon."
I drew the Colt.
And disintegrated the window in front of me.
"Huh. So that's what that does."
"...How?"
"You'd have to ask Samuel Colt, I'm afraid."
"I shall right after I…" he raised his wrist "take care of you!"
BANG.
"Regenerate from that. Go ahead. Make my day."
"Witcher, his wristband…"
It was blinking again.
A panel slid open on the wall behind us. And behind that panel, was a quite familiar wiring layout, with the exact opposite center to what it should have been.
"No. No, he didn't. He wouldn't."
Of course, he had.
Where a white-point star had sat in the Master's design, was instead, a black one. Absolutely massive in size. And more than powerful enough to drag the entirety of this planet into Gallifrey's plane of existence.
"Bollocks. Go, go, go! Everyone out the window!"
As we jumped, I turned in mid-air. I had exactly one shot at this, or it was Judgment Day for all of us, River and Song in the TARDIS below included.
I lined up the Colt…
And pulled the trigger.
Then the world exploded in green.
"Bollocks."
