I own nothing. Least of all this.
1:35
"That's a first. Climbing out of a portal, as opposed to falling out of one."
"I'm not entirely sure which one I like less."
"Oi! Look! Not a single gun pointed at us, no endless ocean, no jungle island…I'd say this is definitely better than last time."
"He's got a point. Where's the nearest bar? I need to do some drinkin'."
"Ah. Well, seeing as its around…" I stuck out my tongue, "…1880, I'd say the odds of finding a bar are rather low. A pub or tavern, much more likely. And less chance of a fight."
"You're tellin' me, you can tell which year it is, just by tasting the air?"
"Well, I don't claim to be the greatest at it, but more or less. Although it tastes a bit wrong. Little less starch, a little more salt. Oh, well. Guess we'll head into town and find out exactly where we are. And lodging and food, if we can get it."
"Hm, hmmm."
"Uuuugh. Fine. Rum, whiskey, brandy, whatever as well. Happy now?"
"…I'll work on it."
"See that you do. Now, unless I'm wrong, the nearest village is going to be in…" I stuck my finger in the air, and turned in a circle.
Or tried to. Halfway through, my finger ran smack into…
"Huh. Tree."
"Really? You're surprised by a tree?"
"Well, no, but actually, yes. Not the tree, per say. Just the fact that I recognize this tree. From…somewhere. Can't remember from where, though. Give it a bit, it'll come back to me."
"Witcher…"
"Oh, right. Nearest village in…this direction! Come along, gang! Vamanos!"
It was about ten minutes down the road when we were approached by a rather rapid dust cloud.
"Dust. That's a little wrong as well. These are the moors; there shouldn't be a dry speck of dirt for miles around."
"Witcher…I recognize that carriage…"
"…Oh bollocks."
And now I recognized it too. Well, at least the mystery of the dust was solved. The horses were form much further afield than the moors. From Windsor, I'd say.
The Queen was coming to Torchwood.
And the Doctor was nowhere in sight.
"Witcher, you said this was 1880, not 1879!"
"Yes, well I told you the year tasted wrong! Different world, should have known we weren't home yet."
"Witcher, if things go the way they did when I was here the first time, we'll have a werewolf on the throne of England if we don't do something."
"Scuse me, did you just say werewolf?!"
"I know, I know! And whatever this world is, it obviously doesn't have a version of you and the Doctor to stop it! For crying out loud, can things just stay calm for five minutes!"
"Witcher!"
"Fine, fine, I'm on it!"
I stepped out into the middle of the road, trying to look a great deal more in control than I felt.
"Halt!"
"…They're not halting."
"Yeah, noticed!"
I tried again. "Halt!"
"Oh, for…HAAAAAAAAAAALT!"
"…Thanks, Jayne."
"Don't mention it."
The soldiers pulled up around us in a half-circle, the captain facing us.
"Who are you to call a halt upon us? Explain your presence, and your armament, sir!"
"Of course, Captain, it would be my pleasure. I am Major John Winchester, of the Fifth Northumberland Fusiliers. This young lady is Miss Rose Tyler, an avid naturalist, and the man standing behind me is Mr. Jayne Cobb, a big-game hunter, recently returned from the Orient. The Lord Provost tasked us with the assurance of your safe journey through this land when he learned of the incident on the railway. I have credentials, if I may…"
The captain nodded, lowered his gun, and held out his hand for the paper.
"As you can see, wounded in Afghanistan, invalided home, Doctorate from the University of Edinburgh. Trained under Doctor Bell himself."
The Queen's voice echoed from the carriage. "Let them approach."
"…I don't think that's wise ma'am."
"Let them approach."
The captain sighed, and gestured with his gun. "You will approach the carriage. And show all due deference."
I saluted, and the captain replied in turn. We all then turned, and made our way forward to where the footman was opening the door to reveal…
"Miss Tyler, Mister Cobb…might I introduce her Majesty, Queen Victoria. Empress of India, and Defender of the Faith."
"Rose Tyler, ma'am. And our apologies for going so well armed. We were merely concerned for your Majesty's safety."
"I have guards for that, Miss Tyler. Nevertheless, the sentiment is appreciated. You, Major. Show me these credentials of yours."
I complied.
"All quite clear. You have been appointed my Protector by the Lord Provost, you and your companions."
"Yes, your Majesty."
"Let us proceed with all haste, then."
The captain called out from behind us. "Sir Robert Campbell lives but ten miles hence. We'll send word ahead, he'll shelter us for tonight, then we can reach Balmoral tomorrow."
"The Major and his companions will come with us."
"Yes ma'am. We'd better get moving, it's almost nightfall."
"Indeed. And there are stories of wolves in these parts. Fanciful tales intended to scare the children. But good for the blood, I think. Drive on!"
We made our way behind the carriage.
"Any bets on which one of us is gonna get her to say, 'We are not amused'?"
Rose sneaked a glance at Jayne. "…No bets."
"…Yeah, that's fair. Still…"
"…Alright, how does ten quid sound?"
"You're on."
"What you two honkin' at?"
"Nothing!"
"Your Majesty."
"Sir Robert. My apologies for the emergency. And how is Lady Isobel?"
"She's…indisposed, I'm afraid. She's gone to Edinburgh for the season. And she's taken the cook with her, the kitchens are barely stocked…I wouldn't blame Your Majesty if you wanted to ride on."
"Oh, not at all! I've had quite enough carriage exercise. And this is…charming. If rustic. It's my first visit to this house. My late husband spoke of it often. The Torchwood Estate. Now, shall we go inside? Oh, and please excused these well-armed individuals."
"Of course. The Lord Provost's orders, I take it."
I inclined my head in agreement.
"It hardly matters. Shall we proceed?"
The captain addressed the soldiers behind him. "Makerson and Ramsey, you will escort the Property. Hurry up."
Two "Yes sir!"s came by way of reply.
"What's in that case, then? Somethin' valuable, I take it."
"Property of the Crown. You will dismiss any further thoughts, sir."
"Alright, alright, I was just askin'."
The captain ignored Jayne. "The rest of you go to the rear of the house. Assume your designated positions."
Another soldier echoed him. "You heard the orders. Positions, sir."
The others began to follow into the house. The captain glanced back, obviously hesitant to order a major to do the same. "…Sir, if you would be so kind as to come this way."
"Of course, Captain. I was merely observing the architecture."
One specific piece of architecture, in fact.
Above the entrance hung a symbol I had seen before.
One that held an explanation for how the Colt had ended up in the hands of the Templars.
The symbol of the Men of Letters.
"Curiouser and curiouser."
"This, I take it, is the famous Endeavour."
"All my father's work. Built by hand in his final years. Became something of an obsession…he spent his money on this rather than caring for the house or himself."
"Would you mind if we…"
"Help yourself."
Yep, exactly the same as the first time.
"He fancied himself a naturalist as well, Miss Tyler. Just one of subjects further afield. I wish now I'd spent more time with him. And listened to his stories."
I knelt down to look through the glass. "That's the thing about stories. To particular people, they can mean so much more than they seem."
"And what stories mean so much to you, Major?"
"Oh, you wouldn't want to hear those. This really is a fantastic piece of work."
"And the imagination of it should be applauded."
The Queen swept forward. "This device surveys the infinite work of God."
I muttered to myself. "I'd be careful of Him hearing things like that."
"What could be finer? Sir Robert's father was an example to us all. A polymath. Steeped in astronomy and sciences, yet equally well-versed in folklore and fairytales."
"A man who can see both the stars and the magic behind them…there is nothing dearer to my heart."
"Quite, Major. My late husband enjoyed his company. Prince Albert himself was acquainted with many rural superstitions, coming as he did from Saxe Coburg."
The Queen turned to Sir Robert. "When Albert was told about your local work, he was transported."
Right. I already knew which world we had found ourselves back in; time to find out what kind of wolf our own pack would have to handle. "Ah yes, the wolf. Remind me again, Sir Robert, exactly how the story went?"
"…It's just a tale."
"Then tell it."
"…It's said that…"
And of course, the not-so-good Father once again interrupted. "Excuse me, sir. Perhaps her Majesty's party could repair to their rooms. It's almost dark."
Sir Robert seemed to collapse into himself. "Of course. Yes, of course."
"And then supper. And could we find some eveningwear for my Protectors? After all, it would be highly uncourteous to ask them to dine while we are arrayed in finer affairs. See to it. We shall dine at seven. And talk some more of this wolf. After all,…there is a full moon tonight."
"So there is madam."
"I'm sorry, Major, your companions were not in their rooms when we looked. We shall continue to search, of course."
So, Rose and Jayne had made their escape with the maid, and were waiting in the wings for action. Good. Two guns were better than one.
"Oh, that's alright. Rose has probably taken it into her head to go hunting for that wolf, and Mr. Cobb is always more than happy to look out for her when she takes dangerous ideas into her head. I'm sure they'll both be fine."
"Could it not be said, Major, that all ideas are in their own way dangerous?"
"Very wise, ma'am! Very witty!"
"Slightly witty, perhaps. I know you rarely get the chance to dine with me, Captain, but don't get too excited…I shall contain my wit in case I do you further injury."
"Yes ma'am. Sorry ma'am."
I felt bad for the poor captain. "Besides, we're waiting on good Sir Robert! Come, our gracious host! You promised us a tale of nightmares."
"Indeed. Since my husband's death, I find myself with more of a taste for supernatural fiction."
I did my best to look solemn. "Understandable, your Majesty. You must miss him."
"…Very much. Oh, completely. And that's the charm of a ghost story, isn't it? Not the scares and chills, that's just for children, but the…hope…of some contact from the great beyond."
I muttered to myself. "Be careful what you hope for."
The Queen continued. "We all want some message from that place…it's the Creator's greatest mystery that we are allowed no such consolation."
Yet another muttering. "It makes for good reading, that's why."
"The dead stay silent. And we must wait. Come! Begin your tale, Sir Robert. There's a chill in the air. The wind is howling through the eaves. Tell us of monsters!"
"The story goes back three hundred years."
So not a normal werewolf then. At least, not one specific one. Perhaps a line of succession.
"Every full moon, the howling rings through the valley."
Alright, more in favor of line.
"The next morning, livestock is found ripped apart and…devoured."
Back to square one. Either a bunch of vegetarian (relatively) weres, or the original monster. Good.
The captain shows no signs of belief. "Tales like this just disguise the work of thieves. Steal a sheep and blame a wolf, simple as that."
Sir Robert pressed on. "But sometimes a child will go missing. Once in a generation. A boy will vanish from his home."
Always the boys. Definitely misogynistic werewolves, then.
I had to know for certain, though. "Are there…descriptions…of this creature?"
"Oh yes, Major. Drawings and woodcarvings. And it's not merely a wolf. It's more than that. This is a man who becomes…an animal."
"A werewolf."
"Yes. My father didn't treat it as a story. He said it was fact. He even claimed to have communed with the beast, to have learned its purpose. I should have listened."
And here it came.
"His work was hindered…he made enemies. There's a Monastery in the Glen, of Saint Catherine. Their Knights opposed my father's investigations."
Knights? What Knight…ohhhhhhh bollocks.
"Perhaps they thought his work ungodly."
Yes, I'd wager they did.
"That's what I thought. But now I wonder…what if they had a different reason for wanting the story kept quiet? What if they turned from God…"
He leaned forward in his chair. "…And worshipped the Wolf? And what if they were with us…right…now?"
Father Angelo's chanting could not drown out the confusion.
"What is the meaning of this?!"
"Explain yourself Sir Robert!"
"What's happening?!"
"I'm sorry, your Majesty, they've got my wife…"
I let out quite possibly the loudest whistle ever heard. "Right! That's that! By thunder, I'll do my job even of the lot of you can't do yours! Sir Robert, Captain, escort the Queen! I'll deal with this myself. GO!"
And go they did. I drew my smuggled-in Colt.
Father Angelo's eyes met mine. "You can't win. You can't stop it."
I aimed. "No. But this can."
His eyes widened in recognition. How he knew the Colt, I didn't care to find out. So, I fired.
*BANG*
Right. The cellar.
"Where the hell have you been?"
"You know perfectly well where, you're just saying that to be funny."
"It's not an alien!"
"Yeah, figured that out! Everyone MOVE! GO, GO, GO, GO!"
"Come on!"
The werewolf was free of its cage now. Definitely not pureblood, but definitely alpha.
Bollocks. I knew what they intended now.
I slammed the cellar door shut. Rose and Jayne's faces stared at mine.
"Jayne, get them all armed, and away from here. When they're safe, there's a monastery down the road from here. Make sure they don't get any reinforcements."
"Will do boss."
"Rose…"
"Witcher?"
I grinned. "Vamanos!"
The firing squad worked about as well as last time.
The bright spot was it gave Jayne and I the perfect opportunity to pick off what few guards there were blocking the escape.
I handed Jayne the Colt, as well as what ammunition I had left. Better not leave things to chance; if there were more werewolves around, I wanted the one weapon I knew would work in the hands of the one man I trusted with it. Once Jayne and the civilians were out and away, Rose and I hurried to the room where we knew we'd find both the Queen and her questionably competent guards.
"Your Majesty? Your Majesty!"
"Major! What's happening? I heard such terrible noises."
"Your Majesty, we've got to get out of here. The front door's a bust, it's been boarded shut. If you'll forgive me, your Majesty, I'm afraid we shall have to escape via the window."
The Queen nodded, and through the door she went, us, Sir Robert, and the captain following.
"Excuse my manners, ma'am, but I shall go first, the better to assist her Majesty's egress."
"A noble sentiment, my Sir Walter Raleigh."
"Yes, yes, get on with it please!"
Aaaaand of course they fired a warning shot.
"It's quite clear they don't want anyone leaving."
"Do they know who I am?"
"Of course. That's why they want you. One bite from that thing, and you're no longer fit to rule, or so they'd claim. The Great War, a few years too early."
"Now stop this talk. It's not as if that's an actual wolf."
I do have to say, perfect timing on the howling.
"I assume we run?"
"Well, I'm fresh out of silver, and I've got a plan, so yeah, RUN!"
Up the stairs, down the corridor, around the corner, until…
"I can hold it in this position. You all keep moving. Your Majesty, is it secured?"
"Yes Captain."
"Then remove yourself, ma'am. Major, you stand as her Majesty's Protector. Sir Robert, if you wish to atone, you will assist him."
"Bullets won't work."
"But they'll buy you time. Now run!"
Running again. Seriously, it's a good thing I got the body I did when I fell, otherwise I'd be in some serious trouble.
Into the library, slam the door, barricade, and wait. Remember the other door! Slam it shut, barricade as well.
"I don't think it can get in. Something inside this room is keeping it out. Small mercies. You alright?"
"I'm okay, yeah."
"…I'm sorry, ma'am. Its all my fault. I should've sent you away. I tried to suggest something was wrong. I…thought you might notice. Did you think there was nothing strange about my household staff?"
"Well, when you spend as much time in the East as I have, bald and athletic becomes the norm."
"What, exactly, I pray someone please, what exactly is that creature?"
"You'd call it a werewolf, ma'am. We're lucky; it's one of the smaller ones. If this was a pureblood, we'd be in a lot more trouble."
"And should I trust you, Major? You who claim to be part of a regiment long since disbanded, and who shows more than mere familiarity with creatures of this sort!"
"…Ah. I don't suppose you'd believe my duty in Afghanistan was more of the unofficial type?"
"I'll not have it. No, sir, not you…not that thing…none of it. This is not my world."
"I'm afraid, your Majesty, that its very much your world. And we've seen it in practically every corner of your Empire. It's our job to make sure no one else sees it."
"Viscum album, the oil of the mistletoe, it's been worked into the wood like a varnish. Your father was a remarkably prepared man, Sir Robert. Perhaps he was one of us based here."
"One of who, Major?"
"We call ourselves hunters, your Majesty. But I think Sir Robert's father was a bit more than that: a true man of letters. Protecting his house with mistletoe, true genius."
"Nevertheless, that creature won't give up, Major, and we still don't possess an actual weapon."
"Oh, I wouldn't say that…Your Majesty. I believe you have something a great deal older, and a great deal more precious in your possession. Might I see it?"
"…Very well. I place it into your hands for safekeeping, Major."
And with that, she reached into her bag, and withdrew…
A black diamond.
"The Koh-I-Noor. The greatest diamond in the world."
No, no, no, no…
"Given to me as the spoils of war. Perhaps its legend is now coming true. It is said that whoever owns it must surely die."
"…That's true of anything, if you own it long enough. But in this case, yes, I believe you're right; owning that particular diamond can't be good for your health."
"Witcher…it's another one."
"Yes, I can see that."
"But what's it doing here?"
"I don't know. And I hate not knowing."
"You know more than most of this diamond. And yet, I see you are surprised by something about it. I ask what?"
"…Before I answer that, Your Majesty, I would beg to know one more thing. This wouldn't happen to be your annual pilgrimage to Helier and Carew, would it?"
"Yes. What of it?"
"Your husband, he died with the diamond unfinished. There are a lot of unfinished things around here. But none so important, I think, as the Endeavour."
"The telescope?"
"Yes, Your Majesty. There is a distinctive gap in the telescope's mechanisms; one that appears designed for the insertion of something else. I suspect, this diamond."
"A trap. A trap set by my husband, and Sir Robert's father, for the beast. And you learned of it."
"Yes ma'am. But I fear it may be too late. Your husband pursued the perfect cutting, one that would eradicate the beast. And I have all the faith in the world that it would have worked. But here is where the 'star' part of 'stars and magic' comes in. This diamond, is not of this world."
"I knew there must be some other-worldly explanation."
"Partially, yes, ma'am. The wolf, no, but this diamond…this diamond can only be found on a world long since lost. It contains immeasurable power; and your husband, in his desire to save your life, may have also cost you it. The cutting has gone too deep."
"Too deep? What do you mean?"
"…I suspect, if we were to use it, the wolf would be vanquished, true enough, but the diamond…the diamond would not survive. It would shatter from the power. And all in this house would perish. What was a trap for you, became a trap for a wolf, became a trap…"
A cracking from the ceiling above.
"…For you again. OUT! OUT! OUT!"
And the werewolf crashed through the glass dome.
Tear down the barricade, rush out…
"Your Majesty!"
Slam the door, and run down the corridor.
"Gotta get to the observatory!"
"But you said…!"
"I know what I said! Now I need to know if it can be fixed!"
Sir Robert offered his usual helpful advice. "The observatory's this way!"
More running, this time up the central staircase. Then directly to the telescope, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars.
"No mistletoe on these doors, more proof of a trap. I just need…time."
Sir Robert snapped to attention. "Just do your work, and I'll defend it."
"Oh, no you don't. No one else is dying today."
He ignored Rose. "I said I'd find you time, sir."
"…Good man. But the lady is right; no more dying. Rose, you still have the…"
The Last Word appeared in her hand.
"…good. Space your shots, stagger the wolf. Aim for the eyes. Hard to hunt when you're blind. Sir Robert, I believe there's a sword on display there. You know what to do."
"…Yes sir."
"Excellent. And now, your Majesty, the diamond."
I really hate when things try to break down the doors.
There was no good way to place the diamond; there were just too many magnifying glasses. If I upped the power enough to kill the wolf, it would shatter. If I did just enough to contain it, it would shatter. If I did just enough to inconvenience it, it might not shatter, but we would all be dead. Not ideal.
The Queen was absolutely no help at all. Crucifixes and prayers, indeed. If it didn't work for the Winchesters, it certainly wasn't gonna work for us.
Wait a minute…
"Your Majesty, that crucifix wouldn't happen to be made of silver, now would it?"
"Of course, it is!"
"Then I may have part of a plan. May I have it?"
She slowly held it out. Right; I'd never tried this before. In fact, I'd only ever seen it done a couple of times. Hopefully, it would work.
I concentrated on what I wanted, closed my eyes, and waved my hand.
"But…that's…that's not possible…"
I opened my eyes. Sure enough, the crucifix had been transfigured into a sword.
"…You are a wizard…"
"No ma'am. The Witcher. Sir Robert, catch!"
And he did, just as the door splintered.
*BANG*
The wolf howled and dove…right onto Sir Robert's outstretched blade. Another howl of pain came from the beast, and then it slammed Sir Robert into the opposite wall.
Then, it did something that made my blood run cold: it began to chuckle.
"Fools! I am magical! Silver has no affect on me! And now, you're out of ideas!"
Well, he wasn't wrong.
He slowly began to pull the sword from his body. My mind raced through plans, discarding each one in turn. Not enough time for any of them.
The sword slid free. Time was up. I did the only thing I could think of:
"CASTIEL!"
*THUNK*
Was that…was that the Hogwarts Sorting Hat? Never mind; I jammed it onto my head, and yelled.
"I NEED THE SWORD OF GRYFFINDOR!"
*THUNK*
Should've thought that one through. Ow.
No time: the wolf was leaping. I pulled out the sword, and swung.
"By the power invested in me by the Church and the State, I dub thee: Sir Witcher, of Northumberland. By the power invested in me by the Church and by the State, I dub thee: Sir Jayne, of Serenity. By the power invested in me by the Church and the State, I dub thee: Dame Rose, of Northumberland. You may stand."
"Many thanks, ma'am."
"They ain't never gonna believe this back home…"
"Your Majesty, you said last night about receiving a message from the great beyond; in one way, you already have. Your husband cut that diamond to try and save your life. He's still trying to protect you, even from beyond the grave."
"Indeed. Then you may think on this, also: we are not amused with what you did to Father Angelo, Witcher. We understand it was necessary; but that was not for you to decide."
Well, that was ten quid I owed Rose. "I understand, Your Majesty."
"And henceforth…"
Here it comes…
"I charge you with the protection of this realm from all others."
Hold on, what?
"It is obvious to me that you consort with stars and magic, and think it fun. But I now know my world is steeped in terror and blasphemy and death and I will not allow it! I ask you to take on a more serious attitude, and deal with whatever unnatural occurrences in my realm as you see fit. And reflect, I hope, on how, while you might not much longer survive this terrible life, you will at least have done some good in it. Now, go. And we shall await your return."
"Here's your gun back, boss."
"Thanks. Have any trouble with reinforcements?"
"Nah, I took care of that easy. Didn't even need that super gun of yours."
"…Jayne, what did you do."
"You said there was a Monastery down the road. And then you said to make sure they didn't get any reinforcements. Whatcha think I done?"
"…Are you telling me, you managed to wipe out an entire branch of the Templars, in their own territory, at night, all by yourself?"
"What, like it was hard?"
"…Jayne, I don't think I'm paying you near enough."
"Got that right."
"Witcher, I don't understand one thing. It said it was a magical werewolf. What does that mean?"
"Different breed than what I'm used to. Silver doesn't work on them; only things like decapitation and fire. Much easier for them to blend into society; much more control over their appetite."
"Hence the vegetarianism."
"Hence the vegetarianism."
"But why did they take only little boys?"
"To make a magical werewolf, you need a magical person. My guess? Muggle-born students that never got their Hogwarts letter."
"…Jayne, remind me to buy you a really big gun."
"You got it."
"So, Templars show up undercover, get a vegetarian werewolf dropped in their laps they can use for purposes unknown, and then decide to lay in wait for the Queen?"
"Pretty much."
"What were the Templars even doing here?"
"The usual. Enslavement, subterfuge, sabotage. The only thing that truly worries me, is did they think they had a regular werewolf, or did they know they had a magical one?"
"…Good point."
I'd leave that for another time. The Sorting Hat had disappeared overnight (presumably to return to Hogwarts), but the Sword of Gryffindor had stuck around. And I was now having to lug it over hill and dale back to where we needed to be. Still, it wasn't really that far. In fact…
"Welp, we're here."
"…Boss, did you hit your head? This is…"
"The same tree we crawled out of, yes I know. I remembered where I recognized it from. Either one of you have a magic bean?"
Two hands held one out, and I took Rose's. And tossed it down the hole.
"Time to go chasing rabbits."
"No…way."
"Yes way. Wonderland is quite real; and the fact this is both Alice's tree, and apparently a branch of Yggdrasill, is just plain destiny. After you."
"…. ALLONS-Y!"
She jumped. Jayne followed quickly after.
I took one last look around. This clearing was familiar to me for another reason, but that was for me and only me to know. Time to go.
"Way down we go!"
"Although we may not speak of these events in public, they'll not be forgotten. I promise you that. The ingenuity of your husband's father will live on."
"But how?
"I saw last night that Great Britain has enemies beyond imagination, and we must defend our borders on all sides. I propose two institutions; one to deal with threats from the stars, and one to deal with that of magic. Those who work for these institutions shall bear one of two names: Winchester, and Campbell. And should our friend the Witcher bring news of threats he is unable to handle alone, then Torchwood, and the Men of letters, shall be waiting."
