I own nothing. Least of all this.

1:44

"Hadrian, then. I must say, when someone of your station requested for me of all people to interview you, I was expecting you to be a little more…"

"Stuck up?"

Skeeter grinned in a way I did not like. "I was going to say 'stiff.'"

"Same thing. And to answer your question, Miss Skeeter, I do indeed have ties of a sort to the Muggles. It is a known fact of the world that Muggles tend to produce better and better versions of things that already work perfectly well for them. And one must keep at least one step ahead of their developments if one wishes to remain undiscovered. For example, the Muggles now have a device that is practically undetectable via wizarding methods, that can copy and send back to its owner any conversation it overhears. I believe they call it a…bug."

Skeeter's grin froze on her face. That was one memory for the Pensive. "I don't believe I need to go onto any further detail, do I, Miss Skeeter?"

"No…no, of course…I understand…"

"Good. Now, I believe I promised you an interview, did I not?"

"…Yes…"

"Well then. Shall we begin?"

Skeeter shook herself from her daze, and pulled out her quill.

"Ah, ah, ah, ah, Miss Skeeter. No Quick-Quotes, if you please. I promise, whatever you see fit to ask me, the answer shall need no embellishment."

Wouldn't it just.

She hesitated, then nodded, and replaced the Quick-Quotes quill with a normally enchanted one. It readied itself over her pad, and waited.

"Prince Howlfang, when did you first become aware of your inheritance?"

"Surprisingly, not until I decided to open an account at Gringotts."

"But you have been a part of the magical world for how long?"

"Oh, since 1895 officially, I would reckon."

The quill stopped hard at that.

"Really? Over a hundred years? You've managed to keep your looks quite well, if I might say. Have you by any chance found the Fountain of Youth?"

"I'm afraid that it continues to elude me, Miss Skeeter. The explanation for my longevity involves a rather disastrous accident involving a Time Turner, a packed sandwich lunch, and two rubber bands."

"Rubber bands?"

"A Muggle invention. Extremely useful for holding quills and parchments together."

"I shall have to acquire some then. So, if you are truly older than you appear, is there any chance that other such blessed individuals have sought you out?"

"If you are referring to the Flamels, I am afraid I am only passingly acquainted with the Lady Perenelle. In fact, she was the one who kept nagging me to go and open that account. You know how it is; mean to do one thing, get distracted with something else, and the next thing you know it's a decade later."

"…I can't say that I do, but I quite understand the sentiment. Now, rumors have circulated that there is to be a new History of Magic Professor at Hogwarts, and those self-same rumors accredit you as the replacement. I was under the impression it was the Headmaster who appointed new staff. Has he officially given you the job?"

"Officially, and truthfully, I gave myself the job. After all, owning half of the school…" I moved my hand to reveal the Ravenclaw and Slytherin rings on my fingers, "tends to come with some benefits."

Skeeter's eyes bugged out of her skull. Oh, this was just too much fun. I couldn't wait to read the newspaper when it came out tomorrow. From a safe distance away, of course. I had no intention of letting Dumbledore corner me before I had things well in hand. And after tomorrow's article, he would certainly be looking.

"…I apologize, Prince Howlfang. You were quite correct. This story needs no embellishments."

I smiled, and got back to business.


I had opted to spend the night at the Leaky Cauldron. I knew Tom could be quite tight-lipped for the right amount of money, not to mention provide a fairly decent breakfast. After finishing off the last of the beans and toast, I had checked on my latest acquisition: a certain snowy white owl. It had struck me earlier that Harry had mentioned getting a snake, but no other pets. And Castiel hadn't had an owl cage with him when we had met. I had doubled back, and sure enough, the lady was still waiting. I had promptly bought her, and named her.

"And after all girl, if I were to name you anything but Hedwig, I think the fangirls might bludgeon their way into this reality, and then bludgeon me. OW! Okay, for real! There's not a single other brick in the ceiling, and the only one chooses to fall on me?"

Hedwig seemed amused by my poor luck. "Oh sure, laugh it up. You and your mound of bacon. Just for that, I've got work for you today. Three notes, there on the table. One for Ted Tonks, one for Lord Greengrass, and one for Lord Malfoy. And don't get them mixed up!"

Hedwig huffed, as if indignant I would ever suggest such a thing. She took the offered notes, and flew off through the window. There wasn't much to do until she returned, so I took out one of the very many 'history' books I had acquired the day before, and sat down to study.

I was interrupted around elevensies by a "HOOT!" directly behind my book. I lowered it to reveal a very pleased looking Hedwig, holding three replies in her beak.

"Well that was quick."

Hedwig preened even more at that.

"I think there's some bacon left over I was planning on putting on my sandwich, but I reckon you should have it. Go on then."

She set down the notes on my plate, then hopped over to her treats. I slit the first envelope often. Excellent; Malfoy would meet with me tomorrow, in the afternoon. Plenty of time. Next letter; Greengrass would look for me this evening. Better and better. And for Tonks; time and address in Diagon Alley, directly after lunch. Fantas…I did a double take at the name of the law firm at the top of the stationary.

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me."

The sign hung above the door in direct contradiction to my statement. Doof And Schmirtz, Wizards-At-Law. It was like Fate wasn't even trying anymore. I sighed. Still better than Fleecem, Beetem, and Cheetem. I pushed open the door.

"Lord Howlfang, to see Theodore Tonks."

"Yes sir, Mr. Tonks said to expect you. You can go right in."

Well this was nice. Rather unorganized desk, but that was to be expected.

"Lord Howlfang, if you'll just take a seat, I'll be with you directly."

Ted hadn't changed much from the last time I'd seen him on screen. A little less dead, but that's what time travel will do for you. All of the pictures around contained only combinations of himself, Andromeda, and Nymphadora. Obviously, a family man, but not close to his parents. Natural, considering the circumstances. I intended to make sure his family lasted for quite a bit longer than it originally had.

"Now then. You mentioned quite a large amount of potentially murky business in your letter, Lord Howlfang. I'm not one to brag, but we here at Doof and Schmirtz make our living in the murky waters of legal affairs. And there's absolutely no case too large for us to take. By all means, let us help you with your problem."

"Problems, Mr. Tonks. And not just mine. I'm here for the sake of several other individuals, as well as myself, who have made this list of matters we feel need to be attended to."

I slid the psychic paper across the desk. Gringotts and the middle of Diagon Alley was one thing, but there was no way a law firm didn't have listening spells everywhere.

His eyes widened as he went point by point over what had appeared. The imprisonment of Sirius Black, the matter of the Potters' wills, the Longbottoms, Harry Potter's placement, the list went on and on. At the bottom, was a separate message.

"If you still feel this case isn't too big for you, invite me around for dinner. It would probably be in both of our best interests if Dumbledore and other concerned parties were not party to the contents of this letter. I fully intend to make it profitable for both you and your family. Yours, Prince Howlfang-Ravenclaw-Slytherin. P. S. This message will disappear in five seconds."

"…Well, that certainly is a mess you seem to have uncovered, your Grace."

"Hadrian, please. After all, we are going to be working together, I hope?"

"…Yes, I believe we will be. In fact, why not come 'round to dinner to discuss things more fully. Shall we say, tomorrow?"

"…That will be quite acceptable, Mr. Tonks. What, if I may ask, is the address?"

He told me, and laid out the best way to get there to boot.

"Seven o'clock. Don't be late."

"A wizard is never late, Mr. Tonks. Nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to."

"Ah, a man of culture, I see."

"Yes. In more ways than one. Good day, Mr. Tonks."

"Good day, your Grace."

Now, to try another flavor of that marvelous ice cream.


I may have the reflexes of a Time Lord, but I also had thirty years of experience with a slightly shorter body, all of which culminated in an almost disastrous exit from the Floo system.

"Your Grace, I do not believe I have ever seen anyone do a twist mid-air to land on their hands upon entry into my home."

"Purely accidental, I assure you. I would say it was a fortuitous circumstance I'm wearing Muggle cargo pants, wouldn't you?"

"Indeed."

I sprung off of my hands to land right side up…facing the Floo. A quick turn, and I was greeted with the smirking visage of Lord Greengrass.

"First time?"

"When you've traveled as far afield as I have, one learns to do without the Floo, and rely on…"

I smoked directly behind Greengrass.

"...Other methods."

He slowly turned; eyebrow raised. "Impressive. No apparition is allowed under these wards, except to my family members. The same for portkeys. And while there may have been smoke, it lacked the fire of Dumbledore's phoenix. Might I ask, how was it accomplished?"

"A good magician never tells. The same cannot be said for good businessmen. Perhaps I shall tell you eventually, if we can build a…profitable relationship first."

"I look forward to it. Now, what profit can you bring to the Greengrass business today?"

"The location of a thousand-year old Basilisk, and the slaying thereof. All body parts and organs renderable as of this moment in Time, the proceeds of which will be split between our Houses."

"...You jest."

"Never on a Thursday, Lord Greengrass."

"My word. A Basilisk. Where in Merlin's name did you find it?"

"Slytherin's Chamber of Secrets. Well, I should say my Chamber of Secrets."

My rings flashed in the firelight.

"…So, the rumors are true, then. I had heard of snatches of conversations being overheard in the Alley, but to have their wildest contents confirmed…is truly remarkable."

"Read all about it in tomorrow's Daily Prophet."

"Cuffe?"

"Skeeter, actually."

"Really? How…delightful."

"When one possesses the right key for a lock, one can get in anywhere."

"Might you be persuaded to lend me that key on occasion."

"Perhaps. If we can build a…"

"More profitable relationship, yes."

I grinned. "You're catching on."

Greengrass poured two Fire-whiskies. "Very well. What might the terms be for such a relationship? A Basilisk is one large bargaining chip; what might you wish in return?"

"To put it bluntly? Context. Knowledge of the Wizengamot's inner workings is one thing; knowledge of the Wizengamot itself is quite another. I need to present three faces for each of my seats, until I can find a way to unite them all behind my own. To that end, I would like to offer the proxy of the Slytherin seat to your wife, under the condition certain…gaps…in my understanding of alignments be rectified."

"…An altogether suitable arrangement. Shall we discuss it over dinner? I'm sure the rest of family would be…keen…to meet you.'

"I would hate to impose."

"…It would be my pleasure."

He raised his glass, and offered the other to me. "Your health, Lord Howlfang."

I copied his pose. "Your wealth, Lord Greengrass."

We drank. No Gargle Blaster, but it did have a nice burn.

"Shall we go in?"

"By all means."

As I followed, I couldn't help but think that this might be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.


The dinner went surprisingly well, considering I had less than a single clue exactly what the order of things was in wizarding society. I earned more than a few small chuckles with my antics, but it all worked out in the end. Lady Greengrass (Sunny, I learned her name was), was particularly inquisitive, asking all sorts of questions about my various (supposed) adventures.

Their youngest, Astoria, was an absolute powerhouse of conversation, and as far as I could tell, seemed to spout out whatever she felt like saying. It was adorable, in a "too-high-on-sugar" way. By contrast, their oldest, Daphne, barely put two words together during the whole affair. She seemed to spend most of the time discreetly analyzing everyone else's behavior and statements. I could see where she earned the nickname "Ice Queen". There were a few glances shared between her and her mother at certain points in the conversation, especially the ones that revolved around sticking it to the Wizen-geezers. Lord Greengrass almost fell out of his chair laughing once I revealed exactly who I intended to get for the Ravenclaw proxy. I think that particular revelation sparked the longest glance of all.

By the time Astoria had worn herself out, it was more than past time to go. I bid them all good night, and Floo'd back to the Leaky Cauldron. All in all, a very profitable day. And with a certain article coming out, tomorrow promised to be even more so.