I own nothing. Least of all this.
1:48
I do so hate late-night operations.
But it had to be done; there was no other appropriate time.
Nova Scotia; Iceland; London. That was about the length I was still comfortable with between stops; after all, I needed to conserve my energy for what was to come. I smoked down to the part of the Underground directly opposite Dumbledore's hidden entrance to the Ministry of Magic, and then through to the room beyond. Here was where it would be done.
I pulled out the heart of Dolores Umbridge. "Make two copies of every single file and document you possess that deals with blackmail, yours and any others. Once you have finished, bring those copies to the Department of Family Record Archives in the Ministry. Tell no one of your task; give no indication that anything is out of the ordinary."
That ought to take her awhile. On to the next order of business: raiding the Department of Mysteries. I crouched, activated my invisibility, and scuttled away.
Love? No. Space? No. Here we were; Time. Really, I don't know what wizards were thinking when they created these things; Time Turners were an absolute abomination against the fabric of reality. They made my head hurt just looking at them. Then again, those self-same wizards were the ones that let a thirteen-year-old girl use one to take extra classes. Maybe being a wizard automatically meant your common sense was lowered by fifty percent. I would have to be extra careful to make sure that didn't happen to me. I dumped all of the Time Turners into my pockets and continued on.
The Veil of Death? Not today, thanks. Wait a minute…there was something written above it… That hadn't been there in the movies.
Old High Gallifreyan. There was only one person who would use that sort of graffiti to get someone's attention.
"Hello sweetie."
Good to know River Song had been here before and made her escape. If she could do it, it would be that much easier for me, an actual magic-user, to do the same. I turned, and continued my search for the tertiary purpose of my visit. Ah! There it was. The Hall of Prophecies.
"I still don't believe Trelawney actually had a repayable memory of this thing. Seers aren't supposed to ever remember their prophecies. Something else to investigate when I get to Hogwarts. Welp, only one way to make sure old Moldy-Shorts never gets to hear this thing."
*SMASH!*
The prophecy played out in full. Huh. The timing and pitch differed from the rendition I remembered. Yet another inconsistency. Whether or not that was due to Trelawney herself, or something a bit more, I fully intended to find out.
I vanished the remains of the prophecy; it was no use to anyone else now. And it was most certainly not a good idea to let anyone know it had been tampered with. To that end, I closed my eyes, concentrated, and magic-ed up as good of a duplicate as I could muster. It would probably have been easier and far more convincing if I was using my wand, but I had no idea if the Unspeakables had a way to track wand magic down here, plus I really didn't want to risk over-powering anything and potentially make a bigger mess. I was pressed enough for time as it was.
Right, that seemed like everything. Back to the Records room. Just in time, here came the toad herself. I raised the heart and whispered to it. "Stand still. In ten seconds, you will fall into a deep sleep that no amount of sensation or disturbance shall be able to rouse you from."
Umbridge nodded absent-mindedly, responding to the orders of her still invisible controller. Ten seconds passed…
*THUMP*
I'm sure if anyone could have seen me, they would have beheld a rather nasty grin stretched across my face. "Time to go to work."
Blimey, just what did toads eat with their tea? Someone that small had no right being that heavy. Still, everything was in place. The Ministry would get a rather rude awakening in the morning. One I would unfortunately be unable to witness. I had a previous engagement. I smoked back through the wall of the Records room just in time to get hit with a flying white ball of feathers.
"Hedwig! How are you girl!"
"Hoot-HOOT!"
"Yes, I know its late, but I promise you, the wait will be worth it. I've got a job for you, and then we'll grab some bacon in America. Sound good to you?"
"HOOT-Hoot!"
"Thought so. Here, take this to Ted Tonks' office. He'll know what to do with it."
I handed her a letter containing the document I had taken from Gringotts, as well as a note to Ted explaining he was to copy it, edit out of the copy anything to do with me, and forward the doctored copy to Lucius Malfoy.
"Hopefully he doesn't see the hole in the road until its' too late. I'll be waiting in front of the Daily Prophet when you're done. I promise not to leave without you."
"Hoot-HOOT-Hoot."
She took the letter, and flew off down the tunnel. I was struck by a thought; just how did Post-Owls operate? Something else to add to the plate.
To the Cauldron. Specifically, the alley just beside it I was coming to rely on for all my unnoticed entrances.
Here was where those Time-Turners were going to come in handy. Just this once, though. I really didn't like carrying around the equivalent of a Belgium atomic bomb in my pocket if one should break. And I was carrying enough to turn it from a Belgium into a Russia. I took out one of the devices, doing my best not to be physically sick as I held it, closed my eyes, and spun the dial backwards.
I opened my eyes. Three in the afternoon. Perfect. I made my way once more into the alley, then down to the offices of the Daily Prophet. I had originally wanted to do this anonymously, but I really needed the street cred with Skeeter. That, and I really wanted to see just how big here eyes got when she realized exactly what she was holding.
The wizard working at the desk gave me a rather odd look when I told him a "bug-collector" was here to see Rita Skeeter, but he did his job regardless, and half a minute later I was seated in the parlor of the spider.
Skeeter looked more like a cheetah on the prowl with those glasses and that gleam behind them, but I doubted I would be the object of her fascination for much longer. I plunked down the entirety of one copy of Umbridge's files in front of her, and watch confusion fall over her features.
"What's this?"
"Something that needed to come to light. Recently, some very sensitive material from the office of the Senior Undersecretary to the Minister was leaked, and put up for sale to the highest bidder."
"And I didn't know about this how?"
"No idea. And truth be told, I don't want to know. Just looking through the first half of this stuff made me almost physically ill; still, it was worth every Galleon of what I ended up paying."
"And what, you're just handing it to me? Where's the catch?"
"All parties concerned who bid on this item all knew where it came from; it won't be long before certain parties think it's a good idea to pay a call on the poor Undersecretary. One; I want my name kept out this as much as possible. I don't want those same parties paying me a visit. And two, I need an itinerary."
"A what?"
"A list of places which I might conceivably visit in a search for lost relics from the age of the foundation of Hogwarts. And then I need you to make little remarks when and where you can that I was spotted at those places in a believable manner."
"And are you? Looking for relics?"
"My dear, I already know where two of them are, if not more. And you shall be the first to get the scoop when I recover them. Do we have a deal?"
"…Deal."
"Pleasure doing business with you, Miss Skeeter."
"Likewise. You know, I'm not busy this evening. Perhaps you and I could have dinner?"
"I would very much like to Miss Skeeter, but you seem to have forgotten something."
"And that is?"
"I'm supposed to be traveling. Farewell."
I had, of course, decided once more to stop for ice cream, against my better judgement. Technically speaking, I had nothing left to do while waiting for Time to catch back up with me, so adding some credence to Skeeter's cover story might not be the worst of ideas. I could think of a few places to go looking, or at least give the appearance of it. That was, of course, until my plans were changed by a certain House-Elf.
"Excuse me sirs. You's beings Great Lord Howlfangs?"
Thank Gallifrey the room was almost completely empty.
"…Maybe. Who wishes to know?"
"The Master Lord Malfoy's bes sayings to takings the Great Lord Howlfangs this note. He says he be watings for a reply at his concveniences."
"Well then, in that case you have done a very good job, because I am indeed Howlfang."
Dobby's (for who else could it be?) eyes widened. "You's be saying Dobby's be doing a good job? Oh, what a great wizard the Great Lord Howlfangs is being!"
"Why thank you, Dobby."
"Thank you! The Great Lord's Howlfang's be saying thank you! To Dobby!"
I was afraid the little guy was about to have a melt-down on the spot.
"Of course, Dobby. Now, if you'll stand there quietly, I'll read the note, and send you back with a reply. Can you do that?"
"Dobby's can be doing that Great Wizard Lord Howlfangs sir!"
Ah, the time and place for the St. Mungos tour. Friday. Perfect. Two full days past the other parts of my plan. I penned a quick reply (keeping pen and paper in my boots turned out to be a fantastic idea), and folded the note.
"If you wouldn't mind waiting one more moment Dobby, I'd like to ask you to do something for me."
Tears started leaking out of the poor fellow's eyes. "You's…be asking…oh, yes, if Dobby's can, Dobby's be doing!"
"Good. Now, tomorrow, quite a lot of things are going to happen. If your master begins destroying documents, would you mind making a copy of them and hiding them?"
He nodded vigorously. "Dobby's can be doing that. But Dobby's cannot be betraying Master's secretses to yous."
"I understand Dobby. So, what I am going to do, is offer to buy you from your master. If he agrees, then I will become your new master, and you can show me whatever you managed to copy. If he doesn't agree, then you will have done nothing wrong, and we'll forget all about it."
Slowly, a smile began to grow on Dobby's face. "…Dobby's be understanding."
"Fantastic. Here is the reply for you, Dobby. Take care of yourself."
I thought the little elf was going to start crying again, but he pulled himself together, took the note, and disappeared. An unexpected diversion, but not unwelcome. I now had a timetable that extended beyond Wednesday. And a mighty big stick to hold over Malfoy if I succeeded.
I was already bored.
Time to go hunting for Remus Lupin in England.
Nothing.
Not a sign or trace of him anywhere. Either the Men of Letters were really good at their jobs, or he just wasn't here to be found. I suspected the latter. Especially I had gotten what I suspected was the last known position of the next werewolf on my list: Fenrir Greyback. Tracking him from there on would be relatively easy.
So here I stood, hours later in front of the Daily Prophet. I could see a light on in one of the offices; Skeeter must've still been digging through what I had given her. At least she was a hard worker. It was practically morning now as it was, and any changes to the Prophet would have to be tremendously hard to make. Not that they wouldn't wish they could when what had happened at the Ministry came to light. As I was looking up, I felt a pair of claws sink into my shoulder, and a weight settle there.
"Hey girl. Ready to go?"
"Hoot."
"Thought so. Hold on tight; we're gonna be going pretty fast."
"Hoot-HOOOOOOOO!"
We spun away.
"You look like crap."
"Thank you for your kind words, oh angel mine. Please tell me you didn't blow anything up while I was gone."
"Not beyond some slight mishaps in the kitchen. Breakfast is in the kitchen, that is what's left of it."
"Thanks."
"…I don't remember seeing you with an…owl…before."
"Well, that's because she wasn't with me before. Hedwig, say hello to Castiel."
"Hoot-hoot."
"…It can understand you?"
"Of course. She's my familiar slash friend."
Hedwig nestled into my neck at that.
"…Just so long as she behaves herself around Harry's familiar, we should be fine then."
"Ooooo, you did get him one! Was it a snake?"
"See for yourself."
Harry sat at the table, a rather…large…python wrapped around his neck.
"We dontsss like bacon. Itsss too crunchy."
Hold on…was that the snake?"
Oh bollocks.
"No one sssaid you had to eat it."
"…Harry…please tell me you haven't given your friend all the bacon?"
"No, just some of it. Why?"
"Whosss the new onesss?"
I replied. "We are your sssspeakerssss friendsss. I am Hadrian; thisss isss Hedwig. She'll leave you alone if you leave her alone. And don't eat her bacon."
"Isss fine by me. She can have it all. If she sharesss what miccce she findsss."
"Hoot."
"Itsss a deal."
Both Harry and Castiel were staring at the two of us like we'd each grown a second head; me, and the…
"What isss your name?"
"My ssspeaker hasss named me…Kaa."
"…Seriously? You named your snake…Snake?"
"Oh, is that what that means?"
"…I'm too tired for this. Hedwig, your bacon is over there…somewhere. I'm gonna go crash."
Cas took a step forward. "Wait…you can talk to snakes as well?"
"Slytherin, remember? House of Snakes? Did you think he was being metaphorical? Rule number one of wizards: they take things literally. Good night, Castiel."
"And was it? A good night?"
I thought back over what I had done in the last thirty-six hours.
"…I'd say so, yes."
