Prologue: ? (One month prior)

An urgent pair of whispers come, barely audible, from within the shadowed doorway.

The hall reeks of ancient mustiness, coated with cobwebs drifting in the icy draft, long since abandoned by their makers. Dirt brown walls pile up from the sides, complete with peeling wallpaper, qdimly lit by the single stub of candle on the windowsill. A thick coating of dust conceals the hard concrete floor, and crooked, wooden beams support the ceiling.

I eye them, with caution. Rotted. Woodworm got them long ago. Meaning this place could collapse on my head, any minute.

It seems to have been abandoned for a while, and under the cover of darkness, in the most neglected and avoided part of town, no doubt the whisperers thought they would be safe. No doubt they thought that nobody would ever suspect anything to be going on in here. Even the council have given up on this place, right?

Unfortunately for them, it seems that they were wrong.

"Is it procured?"

"Yes - yes. Of course it is."

"And were you followed - were you followed?!"

"No. I checked, twice."

I allow myself a silent grin. It's a lie - he didn't, not once. One can always take advantage of human laziness to bring big rewards. I drag my fingers over a darkened painting of Marie Antoinette, moving myself slightly nearer to the doorway.

"Good. Well, let's see it then! Come on!"

I allow myself vision, peering around the corner, being sure to keep just out of the light. Two shabby-looking men sit either side of a chipped wooden table, dressed in filthy shirts, dirt brown caps adorning their heads. One man places what looks to be a bundle of old rags onto the table, and the other rubs his hands together, looking at the bundle with glee.

My eyes light up, hungrily.

The taller of the two men begins to unwrap the bundle, with a delicate touch. Such a slow, delicate touch. I edge with impatience - but I have to wait - I have to be sure it's real. I have to be absolutely certain. It has to be the very best, if it is to be gifted to him.

Layers upon layers of cloth are brought down onto the table, until with great dextrosity, the final, filthy, layer is lifted. There's a glimmer of… something. Something bright - I strain my eyes to see, but my vision is blocked, as the two men lean forwards, intently.

The shorter man's mouth opens in awe. "It's beautiful… It must be worth so much… and it's genuine? You checked?"

The other man clicks his tongue, with indignance. "Yes, it's real."

"How can this possibly be here? It's a myth - a legend."

"Every myth has origin in truth." The taller man shifts in his chair. "Everybody thought it to be completely impossible. But it was discovered. It's been locked up - under the highest security - for decades. But now..."

"You got it?"

"It was an inside job. Like I told you before."

"An inside job…" Slowly, the shorter man, mesmerised, reaches a hand towards the object, but his partner slaps it away.

"Don't. You know what it is said to do. You mustn't touch it."

"But it's so beautiful…"

I rest my hand on the hilt of my knife, waiting, waiting for the perfect moment. Glee erupts through my chest. These words are promising. The portrait of Marie Antoinette eyes me, as if urging me to make the move.

The taller man stands, beginning to wrap the bundle back up again. "£200,000, I reckon. Enough to buy anything. Anything."

"Anything," the shorter man repeats, a dreamlike expression on his face. "Anything at all… Ah, Emmeline, maybe she will finally be mine…"

And as he moves his head, I catch a glimpse of it - a dash of gold - a round edge - and delicately engraved in its side…

The image of a sundial.

It's real.

I pull the blade out of my pocket with a flick of my wrist. Adrenaline builds, coursing through my body.

I step out into the light, my knife extended, a smile on my face.

"Oh, dear friends. I'm rather afraid that I'm going to have to kill you."


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~~o00o~~

Chapter 43: Ducks and Butterflies

(Ness)

~~o00o~~

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My vision… it's swimming, in and out of focus.

Everything's a blur. I'm tired - in a daze - but the noise, the noise…

There was an explosion… a bad one. Geldegarde. Gunpowder. Strong.

A crater, tearing apart the earth, like a knife through a body. Dirt spilling everywhere, like flesh. Cracks, like scars.

My ears still ring.

I'm hearing voices in the wind, voices that are not my own. The cries of the brave, the innocent, the faultless. There are burns, there are wounds, everywhere. There is suffering and hurt.

There's a softer voice too.

Lucas helps me up onto my feet, his small hands shaking. He's not looking good - his shirt is peppered with holes, but then again, so is mine.

"Ness, are you okay? What's wrong?"

I put my hand against my head. This rush of voices, of sound, it is deafening, and it hurts.

"Nothing is wrong," I lie.

"Is it the explosion? My ears are still ringing - are yours too?"

My hand moves involuntarily up to my earlobe, before I force it back down again.

"I'm not sure."

I glance at his face, but the rest is noise. So much noise.

He lays a hand on my shoulder. "Did you hear what Reggie said?"

I look around. I don't remember who Reggie is.

"No," I answer, honestly.

Lucas moves his hand to my face.

The rush of fire - Strong's body is torn to shreds, except this time, all I see is Ryu. Ryu's face. Ryu's body.

All reduced to ash.

I wince, stepping back. I shake his hand away, clawing for a grasp on reality. I'm so tired - I'm shellshocked, that's what I am. What I must be.

"We're leaving," Lucas explains, quietly. "Come on, Ness. We're escaping. The soldiers - they're busy, they won't see."

Leaving - that's good. That has to be good.

"Okay," I reply.

He envelopes me in a hug. "Come on Ness. It's alright."

"Horsies!" Claus exclaims, excitedly. Lucas pulls a forced smile.

"That's right. Horses." My blonde counterpart leads a trio of the great beasts before us, by the reins. They look perfectly content with this, one of them even trying to nibble at Lucas's hair. "If we take these, they'll be much more efficient. They were completely unguarded - so I figured. Might as well."

I look over at Headmaster Hand, and Ollie, and Angie. "You only got three horses. What about the others - the Tazmily villagers?"

"We're going to go a different way to them," Lucas explains. "They're going straight to Onett. We have to find Toon Link, Red, Pit and Villager first."

I put a hand to my forehead, trying to mentally block out all the sound. "Oh. Okay. Also, I don't think I know how to ride a horse."

"Neither do I," Lucas admits. "Come on - up you get. It can't be too hard. You can have this black one, I'll take the brown. Claus, are you alright with the grey?"

Claus claps his hands. "Yeah!"

I notice Lucas regarding Claus with a wary expression. Claus seems not to have mentioned Boney yet. In fact, Claus is behaving as if the entire conversation with Geldegarde never happened.

No prizes for guessing who blames themselves for the Boney situation. Me. Of course, of course Lucas turned out to have been suffering on the streets for my sake. Of course his noble self would do something so irrevocably stupid. If I'd known - if only I'd goddamn known, I could've done something about it.

I'm slightly - no, very - creeped out by the fact that Geldegarde wanted me for something. As leverage. Over my father, apparently - but my father wouldn't care if I was taken. I'm fairly sure he'd hand me over willingly if he could. So Geldegarde must be at least a little bit thick in the head, which is good.

"Ness, I'll give you a leg up," Lucas says.

"But, your - your ankle-"

"Healed. Must've clicked back into place when we ran. Come on - get up, before the soldiers see us."

Silently, I accept that convenience, mounting the great, dark beast. It whinnies, as if to judge me for everything I've ever done throughout my entire life.

After helping Claus up, Lucas uses the stirrups to mount his steed. "Right then. Horses follow a herd mentality, so if I can just get mine to move, your horses should all follow. There's no need for either of you to do anything, except hold on tight."

"Okay," I reply, checking behind us. Nobody there. Under the cover of darkness, there's no way anyone will notice our exit. Claus imitates the horse to demonstrate his agreement.

"Alright," Lucas says.

By some miracle, Lucas seems to kick his horse into life. Not literally - but somehow, it starts trotting forwards, into the forest.

Claus and I's horses dutifully follow, and with a wave to Headmaster Hand and the others, we're out of the prisoner camp.

At last!

As our journey starts, I can just about make out Lucas's form ahead of me, through my dizziness, and through the dark. The moonlight reflects off of his blonde hair quite perfectly, but I don't need to see his face to know that he's utterly exhausted.

He's been through so much today, and he's kept fighting through it all.

He's so awesome.

Truth be told, I want to kiss him again, but in the presence of Claus, I figure that might be a little bit awkward. Because, who knows what Claus of all people would think of that? Of homosexuality? Who knows if he's even heard of it? I decide to stow that worry away for later, which of course is a a very healthy thing to do.

The chatter of the soldiers fades away into nothingness, as our horses move on. I'm not sure when we're going to stop, but my fingers are crossed that it might be soon. I just want to collapse and sleep, and make this headache go away.

This area of the forest seems old. Ancient, even. It has that mystical aura that all old forests have; thick boughs and branches stretching out, surges of overgrowth spilling out of every nook and cranny, with that smell - a plethora of earthen aromas, wafting all over. The trees stand like guardians, timeless, silent sentries. It almost feels as if they talk to one another. The moon's light catches rising mist, water still evaporating from the storm of two days ago. It's surprisingly warm under here, too, the large trunks blocking out the wind, providing shelter from the elements. The overall scene is soporific, in a childhood story-time sort of way. Peaceful. Perfect.

There's not much else to look at, as we move. It's too hard to make out most of what's there. I catch a glimpse of something, maybe a rodent of some kind, scurrying behind a log, but with my half-asleep vision, I cannot tell which rodent it may be.

The back of my throat aches with thirst. It comes to my attention that we haven't drunk any water in at least a day, and all of a sudden, I feel like shouting to Lucas to go faster.

Which, thanks to my sleep-deprived judgement skills, or lack thereof, is exactly what I do.

"I don't know how," comes the agitated response. "There's no engine on this thing."

His horse looks around at me, as if to say bro, be patient. I glare back at it, grumbling.

"Is the water from the river safe to drink, anyway?" Lucas worries. "You can get all kinds of illnesses from it - and so much stuff gets dumped in that thing…"

I wave the issue away, nearly losing my balance in the process, but clinging onto my horse to maintain stability. "Yeah, but that's all downstream."

"I had water from - from the river," Claus adds, helpfully. "When I was in the forest - the - the forest by your big school."

"That's great," Lucas says, trying and failing to sound upbeat.

Amazingly, we eventually reach the river, before I die of thirst, and I relish in the delightful sound of rushing, fresh water, hitting my ears.

Lucas tumbles off his horse, with an exhausted groan, and I allow myself to follow suit, practically throwing myself into the churning current, gulping down immense mouthfuls of that cool, refreshing liquid. My thirst quenched, I pick myself up, wiping my mouth dry, and turning to face my blonde companion.

"Time to sleep now, right?"

Lucas lets out a singular yawn, his body pressed against the wet ground. "Ye- no.. No, we have to find the others… have to..."

Claus dismounts his horse, and after a quick drink himself (I lend a hand) he hobbles over to us with relative ease. "Who are - who are the others?" I'm relieved to see that a drink of water has taken the edge off of his voice; it's less gravelly now.

Lucas waves to me to explain, too far past sanity to do so himself. The short journey must've taken the last reserves of energy he had left out of him.

"Our friends," I say, a subconscious hand going to my still-ringing head. "We told you about them, remember?"

"Oh yeah…" A distant expression takes form on Claus's face, and I get the image of a barrage of memories coming back to him at once.

"Toon Link and Villager," I continue. "They're really nice. I think you'll really like them."

Claus smiles, though it's faint. "I hope - I hope I like them. I h-hope very much that they like me. I-Inkling - she said that Toon Link was - was very nice."

"He is," I smile. "He's really funny, and-"

Suddenly, Claus's face goes slack, as if his mind has had a system error.

"-Claus?"

His eyes turn glassy, droplets of water forming in them. "B-Boney."

Oh no.

I look over Lucas, who seems to be gently snoring. Of course - looks like it'll be down to me to explain.

Claus looks wildly around, his voice cracking. "I-I forgot - why did I forget? I thought it was a - another n-nightmare?!"

I lay a hesitant hand on his shoulder. "Uh, Claus-"

The redhead looks plaintively at me, a mirror image of Lucas's determined face. "I-I have to save Boney!"

I bite my lip. "Claus… Boney's gone. It happened ages ago. I'm really sorry."

Claus looks at Lucas. "He-He forgot Boney. He killed Boney. My brother - killed - Boney." It sounds impossible for him to say. Impossible to comprehend.

I know that feeling.

"He did it to save me," I explain, a bitter taste seeping into my mouth, though I try to keep my tone soft.

Claus looks discontented. "S-Save? Why?"

"I don't know, Claus."

"C-Can Boney be brought back?"

"I'm afraid he can't."

Claus looks miserably down at the forest floor, sweeping his hand at the leaves. "Sad."

Guilt looms over me. "It's not Lucas's fault. It was that man - Geldegarde. He made him do it."

Claus digs at the soil, not really meeting my eyes. "I know."

I find myself rambling. "Lucas - he's been through a lot since you left. Like, more than he's said."

"You are good for him."

I look up, in surprise.

"You are good for him. You make him very, very happy. He has done many things since I last saw him - but you have been there. Y-You kept him safe. Thank you."

My heart swells with warmth. That's all the approval I've ever needed.

When morning comes, I'm awoken by Lucas producing a frenzied shout:

"How can it be daytime! We were going to find the others, they could be anywhere by now, what are we gonna do, what are we gonna dO-"

I open my eyes a crack. My joints ache like hell from a night of sleeping on the floor, and I feel goddamn cold. Hunger rumbles in the pit of my stomach - but at least, at least the ringing in my ears is gone now.

I pull myself onto my feet, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

"Ness!" Lucas exclaims. "Ness! How did this happen?! I was awake - I was right there - I…"

I laugh, sleepily. "You fell asleep, you goof. Me and Claus, we stayed up and talked for a bit, and then fell asleep ourselves."

"Ness - the horses are gone! We didn't tie them up!"

I whirl round with a curse.

He's right.

"Well, we'll come up with something," I say, optimistically. "Besides, they may have hindered us anyways."

"Do you think the brigade has noticed us missing yet?"

I shrug. "If they have, they wouldn't care. We were prisoners, not soldiers, and their leader just got blown up. Bigger fish, you know?"

Lucas shifts, uneasily. "I don't know…"

"Well, I do." I jauntily take his hand. "Claus still asleep, then?"

Lucas looks down nervously, at his sleeping twin brother. My blonde counterpart is obviously distressed, because he's got a hand to his neck. He always has a hand to his neck when he's distressed.

"Seemingly. Do you think he's - you know - angry?"

I shake my head. "I explained everything to him, last night."

"You - you did?"

"Yeah."

Lucas pulls me into a hug, which takes me by some surprise. "That's a huge weight off my shoulders. Thank you so much."

I put my arms around him too. "It's no problem at all, boyfriend."

A contented noise comes from the back of his throat, as he leans his head against me, and I smile.

"We'd better get moving," he says, suddenly, pushing back. Upon seeing my pout, he laughs. "It's okay. We'll have plenty of time to cuddle when we've found the others."

"We'd better. Or I am going to have to hug my pillow for fear of cuddle-withdrawal-symptoms."

"Ah, you'd do that anyway."

"No I don't!" I protest. "You do!"

He knocks me playfully against the shoulder. "Sure. Anyway, time to wake Claus up. Heavy sleeper, ain't he?"

"Yeah," I reply, approaching the orange-haired boy. In the daylight, he looks even worse - the mud on his face no longer disguised by darkness, the coarseness of his hair, the metal on his cheek and leg, all painfully exposed.

I try to ignore that.

Lucas clears his throat, most likely also trying to avoid taking all that in. "Right. I guess I'll poke him with a stick, or something."

"Poke him with a stick?" I reply, incredulous. Hasn't he ever heard of the phrase poking a sleeping bear?

"Yes," Lucas replies. "Keep back - I don't want to take any chances. I don't want him to be angry with you."

But to our pleasant surprise, upon being prodded in the side, Claus merely rolls over and sits up, with a stiff yawn.

"Where - where am I?" He manages, looking around.

Lucas comes into his field of view, speaking clearly. "Good morning, Claus. Did you sleep well?"

His voice is back to a croak. "Y-Yes - very well!"

I look up at the sky. It's remarkably blue today, but unfortunately, the sun is quite far across already.

"We have to start walking now," I explain, as Lucas and I help him up. "Find our friends - like I said yesterday."

Claus looks vague. "Okay."

"Amnesia," Lucas whispers to me. "He'll be alright in a few minutes."

"Oh."

Once Claus is on his feet, the three of us take a long drink of river water, before agreeing to work out our bearings.

"We went east with the brigade," Lucas calculates. "East, towards Tazmily. We've come back West, to here, but I can't figure out whether we were more upstream or downstream before. Also, we're going have to cross the river and get wet, because there aren't any horses anymore."

"Where's - horsies?" Claus asks, worried.

"They ran away," Lucas explains. "Now, the bigger problem, that's getting you across the river, Claus. You can't touch it or - well, I don't even know."

"Bad things," Claus says.

"Bad things indeed, so, Ness, feeling strong?"

I sigh. "Great, physical exertion."

"That, or Claus's electrical aspects short circuit and he dies."

I groan. "Fine then, let's go."

And so, Lucas and I carefully lift Claus up, who does nothing to protest, and we lay him across our shoulders. He's heavy - but it's manageable, and we wade through the river with relative ease. We lay him down when we reach the other side, and high-five - a job well done.

"Right then," Lucas says, his shorts dripping. "I say we take a gamble and go - oh!"

"What?"

He points. "Look!"

I look, and my mouth opens in amazement. There to our left, hidden from the other side by a tree, are a sound asleep Toon Link and Villager. I notice Villager's head against Toon Link's shoulder, and I secretly smile.

"That's great luck. Guess we should wake them up..." I grin.

Unfortunately, my devilish plan, involving much cold water, is paused, as Toon Link opens an eye, and leaps up with a cry of exclamation. "Ness! Lucas!"

Villager clambers up from the ground, and his mouth opens in shock. "Guys!"

And soon they're running towards us - and Toon Link's hugging us, and Villager's hugging us, and we're hugging them, and everyone's hugging everybody, because even though it's just been a couple of days, it's so, so good to see them again.

"You're okay!" Villager grins, ruffling Lucas's hair.

"So are you!" Lucas beams.

"You won't believe what happened to us while you were gone!" Me and Toon Link exclaim, simultaneously, before both pausing in surprise.

Villager bites the bullet with a laugh. "Well, what happened to you guys?"

I grin. "Dangerous question. Well, I was trapped in a neverending dream, we were kidnapped by the Onett first brigade, we found Lucas's long lost brother, we failed to foil the second gunpowder plot, we met the real Headmaster Hand, oh, and we finally got together. How about you?"

"You got together!?" Toon Link exclaims, exuberant, hugging us both again. "About time! You two have had the hots for each other for literally over a million years!"

Villager beams. "Aw - that's amazing! You're the perfect match. I hope you're happy!"

"Very," I smile, and Lucas blushes. "Now, what happened to you?"

Toon Link grins. "Well. We were trapped in a cage by a cult that wants to paint the entire world blue, we told each other our deepest secrets, discovered Porky was trying to trap you in the cage all along, found out some useful info, trapped Porky and ran away!"

"What's the info?" Lucas asks.

"Well, he said he's going to be the new Headmaster-"

"He what!?"

"- And he said he figured out a way to hide all the metal bits of a Future Human under clothes, so now we can't tell who's secretly a big mechanical monster, without making them strip-"

"Oh, great-"

Toon Link laughs. "Oh, and he said to warn you that there's no hope of defeating him, but, given we locked him in a cage, I significantly doubt that!"

Lucas frowns. "Well... he probably made it seem easy to defeat him on purpose. To give you a false sense of security. Don't be fooled."

Villager folds his arms. "Oh, that's a real positive spin, that is! It felt pretty cool at the time."

Claus suddenly steps out from behind me. "Hello!"

There's stunned silence, as our friends take him in.

"Who's this?" Toon Link asks.

Lucas twitches, his hand instantly sliding into mine. "This is my twin brother, Claus. Claus, these are our friends, Toon Link, and Villager."

Claus looks between them, his smile a little more nervous now. "H-Hello, Lucas's friends!"

"Claus was missing for eight years," Lucas explains, timidly. "Kidnapped by Porky. That's why he's - well, you can see."

"I know about - about you," Claus says keenly, pointing to Toon Link. "Inkling said all about you."

Toon Link's expression falls, worried. "I-Inkling?" He looks to Lucas, for explanation.

"She was trapped with him," Lucas explains, regretfully. "But she was killed."

There's another beat of silence, and Toon Link swallows.

"Oh."

"D-Did you say you saw the real Headmaster Hand?" Villager asks, trying to keep the topic light.

"Yeah," I reply swiftly. "He was with a load of Tazmily villagers."

"I wonder what he was doing there?"

I shrug. "Helping, I guess."

Toon Link nods, thoughtful. "You're probably right. And - we should probably stop chatting. We need to find Pit and Red, before they think we've drowned in the river, or something."

"Yes," Lucas agrees, his face still morose. "We should do that."

I squeeze his hand, and he gives me a thankful look. As if he's grateful for me being there.

I appreciate it.

"Pit and Red; they should be that way," Toon Link points North, downstream. "Fortunately, we've already got past all the waterfalls. Now, if we just follow the river, we'll hopefully find them getting along fabulously, in just half a mile."

"Since when were you such a good navigator?" Villager asks.

"Since I started being incredibly sexy. In other words, I always have been. It's a hidden talent of mine. Now, c'mon, midget. Walking."

We walk.

Fifteen minutes or so later, we can make out two forms ahead of us, on the river bank. We would've been quicker, but we had to travel a little slower for Claus (who the others seem remarkably undeterred by, considering.)

"Do you think they'll be okay?" Villager asks, voicing concern for the first time. "I mean, we left them kind of dopey…"

"They'll be okay," I reply, quickly. "We met a guy - Roy - who'd been under Porky's control for a lot longer. He pretty much recovered within a day, apparently."

That eases Villager's expression. "Good. That's an enormous relief."

"God, they don't look pleased to see us," worries Toon Link, nervously pressing forwards. He's right - Red is eyeing us with a very cross look.

"Who are - who are these people?" Claus asks me. I'm surprised. He usually asks Lucas stuff like that.

"More friends," I reply.

"Are they nice friends?"

"I'd say so, yeah."

Red strides towards us. "Where have you been! It's been almost a whole day - and who is that?!" He points aggressively at Claus.

Claus backs away, frightened. "Not nice!"

Lucas wilts under Red's intimidating glare. "R-Red - this is my twin brother. And, we were busy. Both of our groups got kidnapped."

Pit comes forwards, smiling awkwardly. "Hey. Good to see you."

"Have you recovered from being controlled?" Villager asks, as politely as it is possible to ask such a question.

Pit shrugs. "Bit of a headache. The weird stuff is, I remember most of what happened while I was being controlled, but I think some new memories have manifested too, because I'm fairly certain I remember you saying that you and Toon Link dressed in drag?"

Toon Link laughs. "Well, that's because we did."

Pit breaks into laughter. "No way - you really did that?!"

"You bet we did."

Pit pats him on the back. "Wish I'd seen it, mate. That sounds awesome."

"What did you and Red do, while you waited for us?" Toon Link asks.

The white-robed boy runs a hand through his hair. "Uh, not too much. We were obviously really out of it at first, but we stuck together. We slept in the middle of the forest, on the first night. After that, we were more sane, and spent yesterday foraging for nuts and berries."

"Foraging?" Toon Link says, with interest. "That could be useful."

"I know all the plants of the forest," Red tells us. "It is an important skill."

Toon Link grins. "Definitely. Also, guess what - Ness and Lucas are together, at last!"

Pit practically jumps for joy. "Oh, finally! That took forever."

I look nervously over at Claus, hoping he doesn't catch onto the fact that I'm dating his brother. I clear my throat, deciding that now is probably a good time for Lucas and I to formally introduce him to our group.

"Right, so, everyone, we have a new person here with us. Remember the Face? Well, it turned out to be Lucas's missing brother, Claus. He was taken by Porky - and he was looking for us. That's why he kept popping up everywhere."

"Now that's a good twist for the book," Toon Link whispers to Villager, who shushes him.

"He's very friendly," Lucas chips in. "So, be nice to him. Claus, say hello to all the people."

"Hello," Claus croaks, trying to smile.

"Hello," the others chorus back, even Red, who's looking at Claus with an expression of utmost disgust.

I wring my hands. "So, now that's all done, we're going to need to come up with a plan for what we do, because we've got ourselves some new information. Should we sit down?"

The others nod. Rather liking this temporary position of leadership, I lead everyone over to a grassier section of the bank, and we all deposit ourselves on the floor. Lucas huddles up next to me, whilst Toon Link and Villager sit close by, and Red positions himself as far away as possible from everyone.

"Right, let's get down to business," Villager says, efficiently. I have to smile - I've really missed him and his sanity. "We've discovered that Porky is going to be the new replacement headmaster, next term. Oh, uh, Lucas, is Claus all caught up with-"

"Porky is bad," Claus declares. Toon Link gives me a funny look.

"I'll take that as a yes. Good. So," Villager continues. "We could feasibly just scrap the old plan and stay here, playing out the Wilderness Survival Week, in order to go back to school and take down Porky."

"He'll have a plan," Lucas mutters, darkly. "He'll be taking that headmaster position for some reason or another - no matter what, we have to go back to school."

"So, should we wait here, or not?" Villager asks.

"No, I don't think so," Lucas replies. "Claus needs to come to Onett, to be tidied up, and I need to find out a way to get him into school after thay. So at the very least, me and him are going to go back to Onett."

"And me as well," I add. "Wherever Lucas goes, I go."

"And the rest of us will come too," Toon Link decides. "We need to stay together - Porky said the blue HappyHappy cult was one trap of many for you two, so you need all the help you can get."

I shudder, not wanting to think what surprises may be laying in wait.

Villager speaks. "So, that's all settled then? We still go to Onett? Then what?"

"We wait," Toon Link shrugs. "Hell - we could even go home. Send a letter to Rosalina that we need to be picked up from the Onett station at the end of the week - she'd understand. Then Lucas, you can sort out Claus, and we can prepare stuff for the new term."

I raise an eyebrow. "Prepare stuff?"

"We'll need to be armed, at all times, in case Porky tries something. And we'll need stuff like candles, rope, all that. Just in case we have to make a quick getaway."

"You've thought this through," I note.

He nods. "You bet. If we're really gonna go about saving the world - better do it properly."

"That's really what we're doing," Pit marvels. "We're actually saving the world."

"Trying to." Toon Link stands, stretching. "I say that's enough discussion, then. Council adjourned. We should set off soon, but maybe in a bit. Maybe we should rest up a while, first."

I stand, too. "Yeah. Besides, Lucas and I need to talk."

Lucas looks worried. "We do?"

I pay him on the shoulder. "It's nothing bad. But come on…"

I lead him to a small glade, amongst the trees, out of sight of the others. It seems private enough here - and I take Lucas's hand.

"What's up?" Lucas asks, nervously.

I blush. "Uh, nothing - I just really wanted to kiss you again-"

Redness creeps up onto Lucas's cheeks. "Oh - O-Okay- uh- I'd really like that-"

He takes initiative for once, coming nearer to me, shyly placing his hands on either side of my waist. I raise my eyebrows at the new manoeuvre, before I place my hands over his shoulders, and I spin us around. Lucas giggles, and he moves in - and our lips lock places - and ahhh!

I eventually resurface, with a massive grin plastered on my face. Lucas pulls me near, guiding my hands around him, and he nestles his head against my shoulder.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

I reach a hand to Lucas's back, bravely delving under his shirt, moving, exploring, feeling every perfect shape, every form. Lucas seems to like the feeling, and soon he imitates it himself, slipping his hand under my shirt, tenderly stroking my back.

It's so blissfully intimate.

"It feels like we've barely had any time to ourselves, after we've started dating," Lucas mumbles.

"Yeah… maybe we should tell Claus, at some point."

Lucas shifts a little, in place. His hand reaches my shoulder, and forming a fist, he kneads it slightly. "Yeah. At some point. I just don't know what he'll think."

"Well," I reason, lightly tracing his spine. "He follows your mother's values, right? Your mother taught you both acceptance, and love. So, I think he'd understand. Besides, you're like his role model now. Anything you do is good."

Lucas bite his lip. "...It should be the other way round. He's supposed to be my role model, Ness..."

"And he may still be yet. Have you noticed - he's been getting better already, and we haven't even been with him 24 hours?"

"He has?"

"He stutters less," I say, simply. "It's amazing what a little love can do."

Lucas pauses for a second, his hand resting in place, on my shoulder, before he begins to knead with more vigour. "You're right. Love can do so much."

I close my eyes, enjoying the sensation of Lucas massaging my shoulders too much for me to form a proper response. "You bet."

There's a crashing through the trees, and a cry of exclamation. Lucas and I jump apart - noticing Toon Link, who looks as if he's stumbled in on his parents having sex.

I grin. "Everything okay?"

"Y-Yeah - uh, sorry. I didn't think you'd be getting it on back here! Uh, Villager sent me to tell you- oh, what did he say?"

"We weren't getting it on!" Lucas exclaims, defensively.

"We were," I whisper, causing Lucas to blush a delicious shade of crimson.

"Ah, that's it!" Toon Link exclaims. "He said that we're setting off now."

Lucas takes my hand. "Alright. Good to know."

I follow the pair of blondes through the trees, until we reach the others again. Claus seems to be standing idly, Villager appears to be shirtless, having used his shirt to wrap up a load of nuts and berries, and Red's arms are folded, grumpily.

"Your idea?" I whisper, pointing to the shirtless Villager.

Toon Link glares at me. "Shut it. Says the one who was feeling up Lucas back there."

"I was not feeling him up-"

"What are you guys talking about?" Pit asks.

"Uh, nothing," I stammer. The last I need is for everyone else to be getting ideas as well. I don't want to make Lucas too uncomfortable. "So, are we ready to head off?"

Red nods. "Yes. We most certainly are."

"We - we are!" Claus adds, keenly. "We're gonna see - see Father again, Lucas!"

Lucas maintains a neutral expression. "How fantastic."

"Right," Villager commands, taking the lead. "Let's go, then."

And so, we begin the long, agonising walk.

"We, Red and I, scouted ahead a bit," Pit explains. "We realised that we're probably going to encounter other wilderness survival groups downstream."

"Oh yeah," I realise. "Hey, we can steal their food-"

Red glares. "Most certainly not."

"There's also a confluence point up ahead," Pit continues.

"Huh?"

"Where two rivers meet. Sorry, I forgot you don't do geography. All that means is that we'll have to cross one of them."

I fold my arms, grumbling. My trousers are still wet from having to carry Claus across.

"When we reach Onett," Villager says, suddenly addressing us all. "We'll need to divert from the river as swiftly as possible. Because that thing is going to get pretty disgusting, pretty quickly. And, we don't want to walk directly through the city centre, where anyone can see us. We'll want to stick to the periphery if at all possible."

"Sounds good," I say. He's right - and it's just as well he's here, because I'd have never thought of all that myself.

"Who do you think we'll come across in our travels?" Toon Link asks.

Villager shrugs. "Could be anyone really. So long as it's not Diddy Kong…"

"Yeah, so long as it's not him, or Link…"

"Oh, yeah..."

As mindless small talk starts up, I find myself dissolving into my own thoughts.

Geldegarde.

How does he fit into all this? How does that vile man fit into any of this?

What had he said?

Porky? Never. I would NEVER work for Porky!

So, they're separate. Two massively influential evil powerhouses, with more money than they deserve. Two bullies, trying to take control of the playground.

And in that metaphor, everyone else takes the role of the play equipment.

Is this a proxy war? Porky has never shown the slightest indication that he knows of Geldegarde's existence, much less that they're dire enemies. Geldegarde certainly seems to know him though… and I'd say that Porky currently has the upper hand.

But then, how does my Father fit into all this?

Ollie had explained it all, in one quick breath. Geldegarde was fourth place in terms of the most influential men in Onett, before killing Captain Strong, who was in third. My father is next, in second. Porky is first.

Geldegarde wants to be at the top.

But maybe that goal will prove futile? Maybe Porky is already far too ahead of him, with the Future Humans developing faster by the minute, with his economic domination of pretty much every sector of business available in Onett. People are still mindlessly entering New Pork City, and being converted. Porky's certainly been fiddling about in Lucas and I's lives for longer that Geldegarde has.

But, we still need to keep an eye on him. We need to figure out what he's done, why he's done it, and what he's going to do next.

Which means one thing is certain.

I need to speak to my Father.

"Oh, hello!" Toon Link exclaims, shaking me out of my reverie. We've come a fair way along the river now - the ground is rocky, and there's snowdrops growing around the bank. I pick one, and I thread it through Lucas's hair with a grin.

"Uh - hello?" comes an unfamiliar voice. It takes me a moment to realise that we've actually come across another Wilderness Survival group.

"Hello," I say, stepping out as well. There's two of them - two boys, looking to be about our age. The boy that spoke consists of solely striking features: a moon-like round face, topped with a neat bowl of blonde hair, and thick, dark-rimmed glasses over his eyes. All in all, he doesn't look too unlike Ollie. The other boy, in contrast, has relatively short brown hair, coupled with an unusual black hat. His face is much pointier, and his eyes and eyebrows are positioned high, in a way that implies constant surprise.

"What are you doing here?" The moon-faced boy asks. "I thought we were supposed to stay in our designated places for the week?"

"Yeah, but we're busy saving the world," Toon Link announces, as if it's nothing at all. "We're off to Onett - but hey, uh, blonde guy, didn't you go to Onett primary with me?"

The moon-faced boy brightens up. "Oh yeah! You're Toon Link, aren't you? We were in the same maths class."

"Top set," I mutter, and Lucas elbows me.

"You're Jeff, right?" Toon Link recalls, shaking the boy's hand. "And you - guy with that hat - who are you?"

"Tony," comes the neutral response.

"You don't mind if we stop here for a bit, do you?" Toon Link asks. "Only, we've been walking a while now..."

"Not a problem," Tony replies. "If you're friends with Jeff, you're friends with me too."

"Ah - good. Thank."

We sit, and Villager hands us each a wild strawberry. "Lunch," he explains. "We don't have much else."

I pop it in my mouth. It tastes sweet, sweet like a normal strawberry, yet smaller, and quite unfulfilling.

"So - all this saving the world business?" Jeff asks, with a raised eyebrow. "What do you mean by that?" I notice him, predictably, avoiding looking at Claus.

"Well," Villager begins. "Have you heard of Porky Minch?"

Jeff shudders. "Oh yes - Father, I mean, Dr Andonuts, he had him round once, to discuss some kind of - oh, I don't know what it was. Oh, dear… No, he was no good at all. Nasty old man."

"This might sound far-fetched," Toon Link begins, crossing his legs. "But, this Porky, he's taking people, and… changing them."

Tony leans forwards, worried. "Changing them? How do you mean?"

"Into monsters. Hybrids. With metal, and wood, and electronics and…" Toon Link shakes his head. "I don't know how it all works, but they're called Future Humans, and Porky wants to use them to take over the world."

Jeff looks horror-stricken, suddenly devouring his strawberry in one. "Wh-What? That's impossible - my Father, I mean, Dr Andonuts, he said it wasn't possible!"

"Do you know something about this?" Lucas asks, quietly.

"I don't - oh, I really don't - it's all confidential business - I really don't know. Porky made Dr Andonuts help him - but I'd thought it was impossible… I thought they hadn't succeeded, but…"

Our group looks around at one another. This is a big new development. There was us thinking that Porky had created them on his own, but no. Apparently not.

"What's your Father a doctor of, exactly?" Villager asks, perhaps a little more sharply than intended.

"Science," he replies. "Inventions. He never wanted to use his inventions for bad, he is, all things considered, a good man. But mad. He has gone quite mad."

"I think we need to pay him a visit," Lucas decides. "Thank you."

"You could come with us on our journey," Toon Link suggests, apparently forgetting that Jeff is pretty much a stranger to us.

But Jeff shakes his head. "I don't think that's such a good idea. I'm not really strong, really near-sighted, kind of shy, and I tend to be a little reckless. Besides, I'm staying with Tony. We're best friends, see."

"Best friends," Tony repeats, though I catch the yearning in his voice.

I smile, sympathetically. I know that feeling all too well.

Villager stands. "Well then, we'd best be on our way. Thanks for the information, and the chat."

"Yeah, we should catch up some time," Toon Link fingerguns. "But yeah, Villager's right. We must go."

Jeff nods. "Good luck with saving the world. See you around."

Red stands without a word, Pit awkwardly waves, and Claus moves to stand next to Lucas and I, and we begin to continue on our way.

The river soon begins to widen out, and after a few minutes, we reach the promised confluence point. We're stuck in between the two joining rivers - though Pit was right, the second river is certainly no more than a stream. As a result, only our feet get a little wet as we cross.

I could imagine this area to be stunning in the prime of springtime. Daffodils would line the forest border, there'd be thick, lush, green grass, droplets of dew, everything I've always romanticised about forest scenery. I decide I'd quite like to come back to the river side with Lucas, in better circumstances than these

"What did you say about traps?" Lucas asks, nervously. "What traps could Porky have set up along here?"

Toon Link shrugs. "Well, I was thinking of big nets, banana peels and cages, comical stuff like that, but I don't know…"

"I doubt we'll slip on any banana peels," Villager laughs. "But yeah, seriously. We need to look out for anything and everything that could be a hazard."

"Like that boat?" Pit suggests, pointing.

"Huh?"

We look.

There, by the side of the river, is what looks to be a little rowing boat. It's completely empty, abandoned even. There's oars, sitting inside of it. It's tied to a post by a thick rope.

I narrow my eyes at it, suspiciously. "I don't trust that, not one bit."

"Good call," Toon Link agrees. "Nobody would just leave a boat there. Chances are, if we got in, it'd sink, and drown us all. Or even worse - it'd give us splinters."

"Eurgh," Villager shudders. "Splinters."

A sudden shriek of laughter erupts from ahead of us, and we jump. It's matched by an equally loud cackle, and a dramatic howl.

"Witches!?" Claus exclaims, frightened.

Toon Link furrows his brow. "Well, I'd be surprised… but we should definitely find out. It could be another one of Porky's traps…"

But on closer inspection, it just turns out to be Bayonetta, and Samus, who are rolling on the ground, clutching their sides in immense swathes of laughter.

"Hello?" I say, nervously. "Uh, what's all this?"

"Ah- Ahahaha! Ness! How are you doing? What are you doing here! Oh, and you've brought friends? Ah, have you come to buy my services!?"

Lucas swiftly covers Claus's ears, and Villager's eyes widen. "Uh - no. We're just passing."

"Oh yeah, I forgot, you're all into guys," Bayonetta says absent-mindedly, standing up.

"Oh, they are?" Samus beams. "Thank goodness. Finally, some guys that won't come onto me."

"We're not all gay," Pit sulks, but he's ignored, as Bayonetta pulls up a number of tree-stump seats.

"C'mon, sit down! We could do with some company, there's only so many positions to keep us entertained, after all-"

"Alright," Villager agrees hurriedly, before Bayonetta can elaborate on those positions. Lucas sits Claus down next to him, and Red sits rigidly, as far away from Bayonetta as possible. As seems to be becoming tradition, Villager hands everyone a wild strawberry.

"So, spill the beans. Where are you headed?" Bayonetta asks, popping her strawberry in her mouth.

"Onett," I reply.

She smiles, perceptively. "I'm guessing that's not to see the sights, though?"

"No. Not at all."

"There's something going on - isn't there? Involving you all. Something to do with that thing that showed up at the party. That was no magic trick…"

Samus rolls her eyes. "Sorry. She's been going on and on about this theory, for ages."

"And she's right to," Lucas says, in barely a whisper.

"Are you going to go investigate it?" Bayonetta asks. "To figure some stuff out?"

"That is the plan," Red replies, as if deeply offended by the question.

"Oooh! I'd totally come - but me and Samus have so much to do here. On another note," she spreads her coat, revealing multiple pockets, full to bursting with vials of a suspicious golden-brown substance. "Anyone for some heroin?"

Toon Link pales. "Uh, I think we'll pass."

"Ah, shame. I bought way too much of the stuff on my last order."

"Y'know Bayo, I never thought you'd be a junkie," Samus notes.

"Well, I've been trying to get off the stuff for years-"

"Heroin is so passe."

"No it's not!"

Villager clears his throat. "You know, we should definitely get moving again."

"Aw, but you've only been here two minutes!"

"Really? It felt like a lot longer. Come on guys - we need to get to Onett before sunset."

"Yeah," Toon Link agrees, rapidly. "Let's go."

We continue.

I really do hope we get to Onett before it's dark. The Onett streets at night are awful, crammed with drunks and drug addicts, and there's at least a one in two chance of being attacked. I wonder vaguely if Geldegarde is back in Onett yet - or Porky for that matter, after being allegedly locked up by Toon Link and Villager. Though, if his high-speed train is anything to go on, he'll have gotten back hours ago.

"Right," Toon Link claps. "I'm bored. What should we do?"

Red sighs. "Are you actually capable of speaking without clapping your hands?"

"I'm happy and know it." Toon Link deadpans. "Now, for real, all this walking is dull, we should definitely do something."

"Another strawberry?" Villager offers.

"No. You know what - I'm gonna swim for a bit."

"Swim?!"

"Yeah, we might as well. Come on in, it'll be nice."

"We'll be soaked!"

But without waiting for an answer, Toon Link dives into the river. He comes up from the surface, water streaming down his face, clothes completely soften through. "It's lovely! Come on, Villager."

Villager rolls his eyes. "Ah, what the hell. Might as well." He passes me the bundle of berries, and he leaps in after him with a cheer.

I look to Lucas. "Fancy it?"

The blonde pales. "We'll regret it..."

I pass the fruit to Red. "See you, mate."

"Wait, Ness-!"

I spring from the ground, leaping forth. "Geronimo!"

I make contact with the water. Cold consumes me, and I find myself quickly submerged - I kick up against the sediment, my head breaking the surface, dripping water all over the place. "Come on!"

Lucas sighs, stepping in more sensibly. I take his hand, before gleefully splashing him in the face with water, and swimming away.

"Hey!"

"Well, I'm not getting in," Red decides flatly.

"I shouldn't," Pit agrees. "I'd rather not be freezing my ass off later."

"I can't," Claus says, forlornly.

I catch up to Toon Link in no time, easily keeping pace with the walkers. He was right - this is so much nicer.

"Ah, nice of you to join us," he grins, dunking me under the water.

"We're going to be so cold, later," Villager complains. "This was a terrible idea-"

"Oh, live in the moment, you spoilsport," Toon Link splashes him.

Lucas suddenly springs up behind me, covering me with a handful of pondweed.

"Ha!"

"Hey!" I exclaim, pulling it off, and slapping it over his nose. "You goof!"

He smears my face with mud. "I think you're the real goof here."

"No, you are!"

"No, you!"

"Aw, aren't they cute?" Toon Link simpers.

"Hey!" Lucas and I chorus in unison, and we burst out laughing.

"Keep up!" Red calls angrily, from ahead.

We all sigh. "Coming, Red."

Swimming goes well - the river is still not too deep, even though it's widened significantly. That's probably thanks to the confluence point. See - I am smart, perhaps I should've taken geography after all? All the same, the four of us in the water manage to set the pace, and Red, Pit and Claus have to move speedily to keep up with us. I'm so much better at swimming than running - I'm not sure why. Perhaps I have weak legs.

"There's some more people," Pit calls out, to us.

"Are they nice?" Toon Link calls back.

"Not sure - they have a sheep, though!"

Intrigued, we swim to the bank, hoisting ourselves out of the river. Instantly, the icy winter air begins to bite. Pit's right though - in the distance, there is a pair of boys with a sheep.

"It's Hop and Victor," I say, wrapping my arms around a now shivering Lucas.

"How do you know that?" Pit asks.

I manage to shrug, the sudden cold hitting a lot harder than expected. "T-They were at the play. Come on, might as well say hello."

"Alright," Pit decides. "Let's go."

"Hey!" I call out, as we reach them. The pair look round in surprise.

"Hey!" Hop replies. "What are you doing here, if you don't mind me asking? And why are you soaking wet?"

"W-We swam in the river, and we're going to Onett," I reply, trying to ignore the pain that's now coursing through my body. "H-How did you get a sheep all the way to this place?"

Hop shrugs. "I don't really know. He sort of, came out of the forest, and stuck around. Ain't that right, mate?" He ruffles its woolly head.

"Well, that's excellent news if you get hungry," Toon Link jokes, somehow showing no signs of being cold in the slightest. I envy him immensely.

"Mehhh!" The sheep protests, and Hop has to give it a comforting pat.

"He's only kidding," Hop soothes, before turning back to us. "We named him Wooloo Two. After, uh, Wooloo One, from the play."

Claus smiles at the sight of Wooloo Two, but he seems hesitant to greet the sheep, for fear of scaring it. Something tells me he's had experience with sheep before, in his current state.

"You all look really cold," Victor says quietly. "I can quickly build a fire, if you want to warm up for a bit?"

"W-Well…" Villager murmurs, shivering. "We really should be on our way… but…"

"Sounds great, thanks," Toon Link beams. "See, Villy? Told you it'd all be fine."

Victor nods. "Alright then - come with us into the forest, we've got the remains of one from last night in there."

We follow, and Victor makes himself busy, collecting up kindling and drywood. I huddle up to Lucas, on a log.

"You okay?"

"C-Cold-" he whimpers. "Y-Your fault- shouldn't have gone in-"

"Y-You're always cold… you lizard."

With a small noise, he wraps his arms around me, trying to steal all the heat he possibly can.

"Take off your shirts!" Red demands of us, suddenly.

We exchange glances. "Uh-"

"Thanks to the thermal dynamics of water, you will be colder with them on! It is preferable to dry them on the fire."

"Oh - okay."

The fire crackles into life behind him, small red glows starting to spread across the crinkled leaves. Lucas and I pull off our shirts, leaving them near the flames, Toon Link and Villager following suit. I wince at the onslaught of wind, now attacking bare flesh, but Red's probably right. I'm fairly sure I read about wet clothes leading to hypothermia somewhere.

Pit looks up to the sky. It's quite dark under the forest canopy, but the growing fire is starting to create quite a bit of light, and more importantly, heat.

"It's getting to late afternoon," he comments. "I hope we haven't got far to go…"

"You shouldn't have gone in the river," Red snaps. "We wouldn't have had to pause here."

"Relax bud," Villager reassures. "We won't be here long."

Victor stands back from his work, obviously happy with the result. He sits next to Hop. The flames are starting to grow quite significantly now, and I move nearer to them, relishing in the warmth now rushing over me.

Villager hands us all a wild strawberry. "Rations," he explains bleakly.

Wooloo Two curls up on the floor, by the fire, and Hop pats him, contentedly. "So, what are you guys all doing, going to Onett?"

Toon Link swallows his strawberry. "Well, figured it'd be nicer there than out here in the forest. We got lucky with our placement - it's not that far away."

"Onett is quite near," Hop agrees. "Only a mile or so downstream, the factories begin popping up. Nasty things, but you're certainly getting close. I like the forest more, though." Victor nods his agreement.

"Well, we found Lucas's long lost brother," Toon Link explains, casually indicating towards Claus. "And we have to go to Onett get him cleaned up."

Claus feels his long, matted hair. "Don't like this."

"Ness's mother is a good hairdresser," Lucas explains to him. "She'll sort all that out."

Victor throws some more leaves on the fire, and a great plume of smoke rises. I look away, to avoid getting any in my eyes.

"How have you been finding the week?" Villager asks.

"Alright," Hop shrugs. "Vic and I - we're a great team. He knows a load of survival stuff."

"That's good."

I let the others talk. I'm enjoying the warmth too much. I close my eyes, leaning against Lucas's shoulder.

"Also, gave you heard the news?" Toon Link asks. "Porky Minch is going to be the new headmaster when we get back."

Hop physically recoils. "Porky Minch?! No - no, where did you hear that?"

"Directly from the horse's mouth," Villager replies, grimly. "Why - what experience have you had with him?"

"Well," Hop says frantically. "He tried to buy our family farm, and we refused - when we woke up the next day, half the chickens were dead, and Tommy the Turkey was missing - and it was a disaster! We know it was him, but we've never been able to prove it - what's he going to do as headmaster?"

"That's awful," Villager groans sympathetically.

"Yeah," Toon Link agrees. "Poor Tommy the Turkey." Villager elbows him.

"The problem with people like Porky," Victor sighs. "Well, they can do what he wants. So long as they have money, people listen."

"Yeah," Toon Link agrees. "It's always about the money. It's typical capitalist inequality, at its finest."

"And Pirkle is practically his puppet. Porky can do anything he wants, including becoming our headmaster. Overcoming someone like that is incredibly difficult."

Toon Link nods. "It's down to the complex interplay between society and politics. With political power comes social power, and when, like with him, there's a foothold in so many areas of society…"

Victor frowns. "Yeah It's like… I don't know, like shaving your head with tweezers. Having to pluck every hair out one by one to get rid of it all. Or trying to clean a stain. There's always some left. That's a terrible metaphor, but you know what I mean."

Toon Link nods frantically. "Agreed. And as a result, making change is completely impossible. Especially thanks to Onett's voting system. It's essentially an autocracy."

"You're right. When only the aristocrats in their big city homes can vote, of course the aristocrats win."

"And then that can't ever be changed, because the rich men in power only want the other rich people to vote - and so they don't change it, and no-one else can - which facilitates people like Porky - and as a result, we're all screwed!"

Victor and Toon Link look at each other, with mutual newfound appreciation.

"Have you heard about the new legislation? The one about socioeconomic functions in the..."

I drift off, losing focus. The conversation continues down a political path, and minutes goes by. I find myself daydreaming, so comfortable with Lucas snuggled up to me.

I dream of happier times. A day when Lucas and I could buy a home together. A day when Lucas and I could be allowed to get married. A day when we can spend all our time together, loving our lives to the fullest. In a lovely village, in an old-fashioned countryside cottage, by a lake. There'd be butterflies. We could go down to the bakery and feed the ducks. Villager and Toon Link would live next door…

It'd be perfect.

"We should move on," Villager says, after a while. "I think the sun is setting - and Lucas and Ness seem to have fallen asleep on each other."

"I'm awake," I mumble, into Lucas's shoulder, opening my eyes again. It seems that Lucas actually has fallen asleep, in my arms, and I blush. He's adorable. I shake him a little, standing myself up, and bringing him with me.

"Thanks for letting us stick around," Pit smiles.

"Good luck travelling to Onett, then!" Hop replies, happily. Wooloo Two bleats his agreement. Victor nods politely at us, shaking Toon Link's hand.

The lot of us grab our shirts from the fireside - they're a lot warmer now, albeit still quite damp. I happily put mine on, and Lucas sleepily follows suit.

We leave the pair to tend to the fire, heading back out to the river. In the distance, a streak of orange is just about beginning to appear, a sure sign that night is very much underway. It's quite pretty, though… We stare at it, for a while.

"We need to hurry," Toon Link says, breaking the silence. I nod in agreement, taking Lucas's hand. We all smell of smoke now - but it's not the smell of old, foul cigarettes, it's the sleepy scent of campfires, and singing, and hugs.

We continue on our way.

...

A good thirty minutes later, the sky is even darker, and the hunger really starts to kick in. It was okay before, yesterday, when we weren't using much energy, but now I'm exhausted, and starving. I find myself longing for steak, toast, porridge, nectarines - a new craving every minute, it seems. I resolve that Lucas and I should almost certainly go to my house instead of his - our cook will undoubtedly have a hot meal on the table in seconds, and I'm certain that Mother will be able to fix Claus up in no time at all.

We encounter some more people along the riverbank, but unfortunately it's nobody we really recognise. We sometimes stop to say hello, but that's all we do. No long conversations, or being introduced to random people's sheep. We have to keep going.

It doesn't feel like we're making much progress.

Toon Link sidles up to walk alongside me. "You know, I still can't believe that you and Lucas are official, now. It really is amazing. Brave, even."

I blush. "Uh - yeah."

He grins. "More importantly, I have to know. Who asked who? Have you kissed yet?"

I put a hand to my cheek, rather flustered. "I asked him, in the end. And… yeah. We kissed. It was kind of messy, the first time, but we're getting the hang of it. How about you and Villager?"

It's Toon Link's turn to be embarrassed. "Uh, same as before, mate. Nothing to report."

"I know something happened," I push, keenly bumping against him. "I see how you look at him now. Go on - tell me."

Toon Link folds his arms. "He's hot! Of course I'm gonna look at him. You must be blind, to be honest, I don't know how you have eyes for Lucas, when supermodel Villager is in our midst."

"Hey!" I protest. "Lucas is good-looking!"

Toon Link waves me away. "Have you seen Villager's biceps? And, he's got some abs going on too, believe it or not. I bet Lucas doesn't have abs."

"Well... Lucas is good-looking in a cute way," I declare, defensively.

"Yeah, cute if you're into the whole pre-pubescent thing."

I gasp. "You take that back! He's just short, is all!"

"I bet he hasn't got a single hair on his chest."

I grumble, finding myself backed into a corner. "So? So what, maybe it's not all about the looks. Is Villager a fantastic pianist?"

Toon Link snorts. "While Lucas may tickle the ivories, Villager has a fantastic voice. Can Lucas sing?"

"I wouldn't put it past him. Can Villager paint stunning landscapes?"

"Well, no, but can Lucas build a cabinet in ten minutes flat?"

"No, but is Villager's hair the softest thing in the world? Does Villager reserve secret smiles to share with you? Does Villager radiate pure warmth? I don't think so, Lucas is better, fact!"

"Villager's better!"

"No, Lucas!"

Lucas sighs. "Are those going to fight over which one of us is better for this whole trip?"

Villager shrugs. "Looks like it. Ah, well. An ego boost is always nice."

Lucas laughs, softly. "Yeah - but come on. This is ridiculous. They're too attached."

"You bet. Toon Link is probably the clingiest person in the world."

"No, Ness is-!"

I swoop in, lifting Lucas up in my arms, spinning him around and kissing him on the nose. "And you love me for it."

Lucas giggles, before I notice Claus looking over at us, a curious expression on his face.

"It's a - a best friend thing," I lie hurriedly, putting Lucas down.

"Oh," Claus nods. "Okay!"

Thank goodness.

"You know," Toon Link mumbles privately. "Claus - Lucas's brother - he's a bit childish, don't you think?"

"He was stuck with and tortured by Porky for eight years," I explain, bleakly. "He never had a chance to mature."

"Oh - oh God."

"Yep."

Toon Link doesn't say anything more.

Unfortunately, as we progress on our journey, everything else seems to get gradually worse as well. Bleaker. There's less colour. More dead trees. Browner grass. It might be the hunger messing with me, or the fact that my legs are really starting to ache, but there's no doubting the darkening shade of the river, especially after we pass a noisy brick-built factory on the opposite bank, with its giant waste pipe, churning out an ominous black liquid. I wrinkle my nose at the smell - it must be a tannery, or something. A thick, dark plume of smoke rises from a crooked chimney. The whole sight is disgusting.

A few metres later, there's a filthy layer of yellow scum, floating on the surface of the water, no doubt thanks to the pipe. The water has gone from crystal clear to fecal brown in a matter of minutes. There's no greenery. I even think I can make out a dead fish.

"Gross," Lucas complains, with disgust. "Why do people think they can use the environment as a rubbish tip?"

"I don't know," Red sighs, for once on the same page as us. "The beautiful river - ruined!"

"Some poorer people have to drink straight from that sludge," Villager mutters, darkly. "No wonder disease rates are so high in Onett. And how many more factories like that will there be? Think of all the chemicals that will be in that water?"

Lucas gulps, and so do I. All these things, we take them for granted. Every time I think about people worse off than me, a heavy inadequacy hangs inside my chest, right there with my favourite things, low self esteem and general paranoia.

"In Tazmily there was a well," Lucas says, quietly. "We'd just pull up buckets of clean groundwater; there was a giant reservoir under the village. It was much nicer than this."

"Onett should do that here," I suggest, but Pit shakes his head.

"Nope, wouldn't work. There's no reservoir of here. If you think about the local water table and local drainage basin - oh, sorry. More geography stuff. Basically, it wouldn't work."

I laugh. "Is geography all just using fancy words to describe ordinary things?"

Pit scowls. "No. Maybe. Yes."

"Oh great, guys, look ahead," Toon Link whispers.

We look, and my stomach sinks.

It's Diddy Kong, and one of his rather brutish-looking friends, who I recognise to be Bowser Junior. Bowser Junior is a menace. There's rumours that he's Bowser's son, but they're unconfirmed. He beats up kids for fun, and creates chaos wherever he stands.

"Oh, great. Right then," Pit whispers. "We're gonna need to hide Villager, and probably Claus, too. They'll undoubtedly notice us, so we need to attract as little attention as possible."

But we're spotted, before our plan can be put into place.

Bowser Junior stands. "Hey - you pricks! Over there!"

Toon Link turns. "Oi! Watch who you're calling a prick!"

Bowser Junior's voice turns agonised. "Sorry - please - can you help? Diddy Kong needs help!"

We all pause, confused. Help? Us?

"What's wrong?" I call out.

"Just come on over - quick!"

The seven of us hurry over, as fast as we can.

Diddy Kong's lying on the ground, in an awful way. He's deathly pale, shivering, his expression is contorted in a way that suggests deep, extreme nausea. Red lays a swift hand to his forehead, and Diddy Kong lets out an agonised moan.

"Where does it hurt?" Red asks, sharply.

"O-Ow…"

"Where?!"

Diddy Kong points to his stomach.

"Did you drink any river water?"

Diddy Kong weakly nods his head.

"Everyone!" Red commands. "I made you all learn first aid for a reason. This is the reason! He must have fallen ill because of the river water. He needs penicillin."

"Where are we going to get that?" I ask, worried.

Red promptly opens his pocket, bringing out a small green box. From within the box, he pulls out a smaller box, in which is a red bag. From the red bag, he takes an even smaller box, inside which is a tiny bottle, from which he withdraws a miniscule pill. "From here. Diddy Kong, open your mouth."

Diddy Kong does as told, and Red drops the pill into the red maw.

Diddy Kong swallows it. Then, he sits up, a malicious smile taking form on his face,

Red frowns. "It's not supposed to act that fast!"

Diddy Kong hops up onto his feet. "Hee heee! Did you say something about acting? Hahaha! You fags totally fell for it - and now we're gonna beat you up! Come on out, boys!"

Toon Link curses, loud. "You asshole! And boys? What boys,?"

Out of the forest emerge what looks to be a multitude of brutish looking men - I look around in haste. These aren't people in our year! They're all large, with tufts of brown hair, shirtless for some reason - and, oh great, wielding what look to be giant, spiky clubs.

"The Cave Boys!" Diddy Kong announces. "We found them in a cave - and they said they were looking for you, Ness!"

"Me!?" I yelp, as they all turn towards me.

Lucas grits his teeth. "Porky's trap."

Diddy Kong cackles. "Who? But anyway - hah! There he is, cave boys, go get him!"

In all my life, there's probably never been anything quite as scary as a ton of shirtless dudes shouting, rushing at me, clubs raised, ready to beat me into oblivion. I let out a girly scream, and I run in the opposite direction as fast as I can.

"Battle formation!" Lucas cries out.

"Since when did we have a battle formation?!" Toon Link exclaims.

"Since - ah, just, everyone get behind me! We'll PK them all! Ness, stop running away!"

Lucas grabs my hand, yanking me into the line of fire - fire! That's right - I can defend myself! "PK FIRE!" I exclaim, and a small fireball collides with the cave boy in front of me, causing him to fall to the ground.

Toon Link scrambles back. "Villager, you better get over here right now, so I know you're safe!"

"This is preposterous!" Red exclaims, while Diddy Kong points at me, horrified.

"The fag - he's a witch! He summoned fire!"

"PK Freeze!" Lucas exclaims, freezing Diddy Kong and Bowser Junior inside a block of ice. "That's what you get for calling Ness a fag!"

"Lucas!" I exclaim. "That was so badass!"

Lucas turns. "I know! But let's deal with the real problems here!"

With a growl, one of the cave boys rushes towards me, another coming from the side - "PK Fire!" I exclaim again, but this time, the boy deflects the blast with his club, and I brace myself...

"PK Thunder!" Lucas exclaims. My mouth widens, as a great crackle of pure energy seems to emit from Lucas's hands, hovering in mid air… then suddenly accelerating, down, down, down - and there's a sizzling noise, as a cave boy is fried and blackened.

"Since when could you do that!?" I shout, over the noise.

"I've been experimenting a bit - PK Shield!"

A giant, holographic shield appears in front of us, and the cave boys run into it with a bang, causing them to rub their heads, wincing.

"This wasn't in the textbook!" I exclaim.

"Yeah, well there's only ever been four psychics, and two of them were us!"

The shield disappears - and the remaining cave boys rush forwards with a yell. I sidestep one - but as a result, I enter the path of another, and Lucas just about pulls me to safety. "PK Fire!"

A significantly larger fireball than mine comes from his hands, but it misses completely, going skyward.

"We need to get in the open - or we'll burn down the forest!" I gasp.

"Agreed!"

Lucas takes my hand, and, beckoning the others, we dash out to the riverside.

"PK Fire!" I yell, incinerating another. Lucas high fives me, and I go again. "PK Fire!"

The cave boys ready another charge, clubs raised. Toon Link picks up a large stone, and throws it at one of them - but they whack at the stone with deadly aim, sending it straight for my head…

"Duck!" Lucas cries.

I throw myself to the floor, and the rock sails over my head, producing a large, black splash in the filthy river behind me.

"Five left, come on!" Lucas shouts, determined, but I suddenly feel so drained from all of the PK fires, and I have to force myself up off the floor, gasping for breath.

The cave boys advance menacingly, and I don't think I can even muster up the power to attack again. Lucas is much the same way, his breathing ragged and exhausted.

"PK Fire!" Lucas bellows, but the fireball fizzles out just a metre away from its sender. I back further away, closer to the river, the black, black river - I really don't want to end up in there. But they come nearer and nearer, and Lucas grabs my hand in fear…

"PK Fire!" I exclaim again, but the flames disappear before even a second had passed. "PK Freeze!" I yell, and nothing happens. My foot slips; we're so close the the edge - the cave boys advance closer - Lucas screws his eyes up tight - we're going to have to jump, in 3… 2...

"P-PK LOVE!"

I open my eyes. A saving grace?

But the exclamation doesn't come from one of us.

It comes from Claus.

He looks as surprised as we do, as out of his hands come great rays of light. They twist and bend into squares, as if they are alive, shaping into hexagons, multiplying, building up, increasing, growing until they can't grow anymore, until suddenly, with an explosive noise, the hexagons tear apart, and all of the cave boys collapse to the floor.

Claus breathes heavily. He looks at his hands, before looking back up at us, as if he's not entirely sure what happened.

We're safe.

"Claus - wh-what?" Lucas exclaims, trembling.

"T-They were gonna hurt you!" The redhead exclaims loudly, looking downright frightened.

"Since when could you do that?"

"I-I don't know…" he begins, his eyes wide. "It - it just happened!"

"Well, you saved our lives," Lucas says, seriously. "Thank you, Claus."

"Yeah, those are some serious impressive moves," Villager adds, patting him on the back. "You're a great guy, for sure."

It's the closest that Claus has ever come to blushing, as he mumbles something incomprehensible, and walks speedily away, covering his face.

I take Lucas's hand, and I breathe.

"So, Porky must've planted those guys there," Toon Link concludes. "Diddy Kong might not even have known why - he probably just wanted to use them some personal bodyguards. In case Pit hits him in the face again." He smiles appreciably down at Pit, who quirks an eyebrow.

"He had it coming, and I'd easily do it again."

"They'll thaw out," Lucas says, casting his eyes over to Diddy Kong, and Bowser Junior. "I've tested."

"So, I guess we move on?" I suggest, somewhat awkwardly. "I'm guessing we're getting closer to Onett now."

Villager looks over at the other side of the river, where there's another pair of factory lights. "I'd say so. But it's getting properly dark now."

He's right. It's getting hard to even make one another out, with the absence of moonlight. Cloud has come at just the wrong time.

Lucas pulls me nearer, and I gladly huddle up to him, my shirt very much cold again.

"Come on," Toon Link says, resolutely. "We must be nearly there. Let's keep going. We'll make it."

"Yeah," Villager agrees, without much conviction.

But after just a couple of minutes, we come to a bend, and suddenly, like a painting spread out before us, there it is.

Looming in front of us, like a black cloud, like a vampire, sucking all happiness out of the air.

A cityscape of dark, filthy buildings, houses, rubbish, a plume of black smoke, lit only by grim, yellow lights.

My home.

The city of Onett.

A/N

More of a transition chapter, this one. Though we did learn some pretty key information. And it somehow ended up being the longest chapter yet, even longer than dreamception! Impossible scenes.

Notes: (There's going to be a lot of these, this time. Curse me and my obscure references...)

Jeff and Tony: Canon characters in the earthbound series. Jess joins Ness's party for the majority of the games, and Tony meanwhile is his roommate (who canonically is gay for Jeff - get that! Canon gay bois in earthbound? Amazing news.)

A couple of Jeff's lines were lifted directly from the game as well, for a hint of spicy realism.

Dr Andonuts: Is Jeff's father. There's tension between the pair, as shown in the games. Dr Andonuts also appears in Mother 3, and is forced by Porky to assist in the creation of his chimeras, which is what the Future Humans are loosely based off of.

Bowser Junior: Okay, I've been neglecting putting him in the fic, even though he's so undeniably obvious to include. It's mostly because of the whole Bowser-would-be-his-father thing, and that's kind of weird, because here, Bowser definitely has not engaged with any women. But I figured he can have a small role, and whether he is Bowser's son or not can be left up to rumour.

PK Love: Lucas's signature move in Mother 3 - which Claus can also canonically use. It was about time for Claus's powers to manifest themselves. I tried to describe the animation as best as I could

PK Shield: Same deal, but you know, I figured it would be quite fun to have it manifest as a literal shield.

PK Thunder: Same deal again. I figured it would be nice to increase the dramatisation of it though, by burning its opponent to a crisp.

Cave Boys: An enemy in Earthbound. I decided Porky might as well have done something to influence them there (as I was really short of ideas for traps)

Penicillin: Was apparently discovered in the early 1800s, so it's fair game. Unfortunately, dysentery had not been discovered, but those were the symptoms that Diddy Kong was faking. Red's first aid obsession continues.

We say goodbye to the Onett first brigade, and goodbye to the Tazmily villagers. On the plus side - that means Headmaster Hand prologues are coming back! It's good to have the gang back together again, with Claus in the mix now too. I wonder how the others will react to Claus's presence in the long term? Also, sidenote that we're speeding ahead of Through Thick and Thin now :)))

Review/Comment responses:

Guest (FFN): Me too bro, me too. Hope you're resurrected soon.

Backflipintothesun (AO3): Aaaah, thank you! I won't push myself too much! I say, despite having written this chapter in only 3 days-

I'm really glad you're still enjoying this!

RainyTazmily (AO3): Thank you so much for the (enormous) review! Especially considering it's from you, one of the most experienced earthbound writers around :00 and someone whose fics are a major inspiration to me! I already responded on discord, but I may as well cover some missed points:

You BET I'm researching things, haha. I have to check whether things were actually around or not in the 1800s, and that is a pain.

Heh, I know you're only at the Bayonetta's party chapter, so it'll be a while until you get here. I'm glad you like 'Steven's' prologues, hah. I look forward to when you discover who he really is….

As always, thanks for reading!

~ReadyForTeddy