'Good evening,
Sorry for the delay in answering your last letter. I was caught up in a heist, stealing Lucas's letters from Porky's office. Thanks for the tip-off, by the way. The goods have been secured.
You're right, school has been horrendous. How do people manage to do this on a daily basis? How do people do the whole Fitting Into Society Thing? And did you see everyone at dinner? They all looked as if they wanted to die. On another note, yes, I know what they say about me and Lucas, of course I do. People have been calling us homosexuals ever since we met.
Your mysterious past sounds unusual, to say the least. I like the sound of it though, just a little farming community where everyone does what they like. I imagine Tazmily is sort of like that - if it's not treason to say such a thing. That's what Lucas says, anyway. He lived in Tazmily for a bit, before he moved here.
How've you been today? It's been a trying day for me, full of tribulations. Did you see Popo's collapse? Even Byleth doesn't know what's going on, he and I think it could be magic, but that's about as far as our thoughts have gotten. The whole business is plain unnerving.
You know that feeling when everything seems to be balancing on the edge like it could all tip over any minute? That's how it is at the moment. A weird contrast to lessons and work and exams.
I hope your day was superb,'
~ Ness
…
'Good evening, Ness,
Do not worry about the delay! Yes, I certainly heard rumours of your heist. They say Porky strung you up to his ceiling and beat you like a piñata… is that true? If so, I'm hungry, I'd like a share of the sweets that fell out of you.
That was probably the weirdest sentence I've ever written. I do apologise. My girlfriend thinks it's an innuendo. I promise that it isn't. For Lucas's sake.
She's reading over my shoulder right now. I hope it is sound with you that she knows of your existence. A friend of mine is here too - I've not mentioned him yet; he's been acting a little peculiar lately. Distant. I wouldn't usually like to put this upon you, but advice would be much appreciated; I'm sure Lucas has been distant from you in the past, how did you resolve this?
Fitting Into Society? I don't know. I don't do it much myself. It's overrated.
I did see everybody, it was like being amongst a mass of the undead. In fairness, it has been a tiring day. In Maths, we just started integration. And have you had Professor Ganondorf yet? I have never met a more hollow man in my life.
Tazmily sounds delightful. I've always wondered why Onett is so intent on destroying it. It's supposed to be beautiful, with loads of sunflowers, right? I've never visited myself, and I suppose, if this war continues, I never will. That's sad.
I did see Popo's collapse. I did some research on sources of purple light, but the only thing that came up was Argon, a group eight gas that doesn't seem to be useful for anything. Did you hear what he said, though? The number five. Everyone's saying it in the hallways now. Nobody knows what it means. Five hours? Five days?
If everything tips over, I'm happy to try and help you. One magician to another, this world sounds like it's out to get us, so as trite as it sounds, I wouldn't mind having one another's backs, you know?
My day wasn't superb, but it was spectacularly average. Is that good enough?'
~ 910
…
'Good evening,
Thanks to you, I'm short of paper. I'm going to have to place an order in, or perhaps liberate some from Porky's office…
No, I did not get strung up like a piñata - where do you hear these rumours?! Porky merely waved a pistol in our faces a couple of times, then we got the hell out of there.
A distant friend, you say? Well, a couple of weeks ago, Lucas tried to distance himself from me, thinking he'd be keeping me safe. I then ended up in a coma for a couple of days. My advice? Get knocked out by a giant metal arm. It works every time.
Integration? Sounds like hell. I miss when maths was just numbers. When the letters came in, they spoilt the party. I've not had Ganondorf, but Lucas has - he says he reminds him of a dismal troll.
Onett wants to destroy Tazmily for the sake of our pride! Allegedly. There's been some longstanding feud, going back centuries, etc. You know our city, we love an occasional piece of mass destruction.
Lucas is a science expert, he'll know a bit about Argon. I can't blame the school for talking about the incident though, it's much more exciting than gossiping about the professors, or who may or may not be homosexual. I've heard all sorts, tales of dragons, possessions, spirits, all levels of lunacy. I do not know what is to be believed.
I like that. I've got your back, you've got mine. Sounds quaint. I'll let you know next time I'm in a life or death situation. Believe me when I say it happens surprisingly often. And you can count on me to rush to your aid and cause a bit of chaos.'
~ Ness
…
'Good morning, Ness.
I've just risen from a dream, in which I was stuck in a giant underground prison, and the only thing that could save me was a giant man, dressed in metal armour. You know, the usual.
Anyway, sorry about your paper shortage, but that serves you right for killing the trees. You should try writing on slate, my girlfriend says that's what they do in public school. Erasable sustainability, what's not to love?
I'll give your advice a go. Let me go and open up my collection of giant metal arms - oh wait, I don't have any. But seriously, my friend is starting to worry me. He's either brooding in our dorm, or he's harping on about the mystery of Popo's collapse. I love the guy, but I think he needs some counselling. Ganondorf is a mood to be honest. Doesn't give a shit about his subject, just living his best life. I can't fault him there.
Alright, so this is a little scary, but I think I finally want to meet you in person. Letters are fun, but how are we going to have each other's backs if you don't even know who I am? Bring Lucas, I'll bring my girlfriend, it'll be a morning of great joy and memorability. We'll be in the Gallery at 10am.'
~ 910
.
.
.
~~o00o~~
Chapter 56: Natural's Not in It
(Ness)
~~o00o~~
.
.
.
"Are you sure this is a good idea?"
Lucas paces back and forth in our bedroom. He's worrying again, fretting about even the tiniest details. He gets like that sometimes, over things like what type of bread to buy, and what routes to take to lessons. I call him a worrywart, and in response, he usually calls me a git.
"He's a friend," I maintain, lying on my bed. 10am. The Gallery. Lucas and I agreed to skip Maths for the occasion (no doubt Professor Marth will be unimpressed and will chase us down for extra work) but my paramour is still uneasy.
Lucas wrings his hands. "What if it's Porky? What if it's Bowser, or someone playing a practical joke? Shouldn't we be doing more important things, like our training? It's what Ryu would've wanted."
Ryu's wishes have been Lucas's constant refrain this past week. It's starting to drive me a little bit mad. I cross my arms. "Ryu isn't Jesus, we don't need to bring him into every discussion. And, we've got plenty of time to train."
"What if Saul gets out whilst we're gone? What if Claus doesn't know where we are?"
I sigh. "Lucas, you worry too much. Come on, it's time. Let's go."
Lucas continues firing what-ifs and how-abouts at me all the way until we reach the second floor, at which point he falls quiet and starts biting his nails in anticipation. I can hardly blame him; I'm excited to see who it is, to meet this mystery magician in person. My first thought was Link, thanks to the girlfriend connection - but of course, that would be ridiculous. The stranger bears a likeness to me, and Link most certainly does not.
When we round a corner and enter the art gallery, I see that it's not Link whatsoever.
"Hey," says Ninten, Bandanna Boy, the guy who untied Toon Link from a grandfather clock. "Ness! And Lucas, right?"
"It's not Porky!" Lucas exclaims, before blushing. "Uh. I mean, hello. That's me."
He's not alone. With him is who I can only presume is his girlfriend, a dainty looking individual who gives me a smile and a wave. If I were a straight and functional member of society, I'm sure I would find her very pretty.
"Nice to meet you," I say, extending a hand.
Ninten takes it. "Likewise."
"Are you new to the school, then?" Lucas asks, his eyes narrowing slightly. "I'm not sure I've seen you before."
Ninten laughs. "I've been here for four years! In fairness, I don't think I've seen you around much either."
"He's very shy," I say. "And short. It's hard to pick him out over everyone else." Lucas elbows me in the side, but I don't think he's really annoyed.
"This is Ana, by the way," Ninten introduces, casting a hand towards his girlfriend.
"It feels as if Ninten's been here since forever," Ana beams. "It's our third anniversary this evening."
Lucas frowns. "Weren't you with Mii last year?"
I laugh. Trust Lucas to get the gossip all wrong. "No, Mii only had a crush on her, Lucas. They never got together. Ana had to publically turn him down."
Lucas's ears turn pink, but he still mumbles, "I don't remember that."
"Do you often try to sever relationships the first time you meet people?" Ninten leans against a portrait, grinning. Lucas looks offended.
"I just-"
"Anyway," I cut in, before Lucas gets worked up, and casts a PK fire that kills us all. "Magic. Powers. We're psychics of course, but what are you, Ninten?"
"Hold on," Lucas interrupts once again. "Wasn't Ninten the name of the first ever magician? Remember, in that history book?"
"My namesake," Ninten sighs. "Quite a title to live up to, if you ask me. Wish my parents had named me something else. Something more productive, like Roscoe. Or perhaps Fred."
Ana giggles. "Fred is nice."
"Agreed," Lucas sighs. "But we can't all be named what we want."
"Why, what would you rather be named?"
Lucas gives a sort of half-shrug. "Anything that wasn't an anagram of my twin brother's name would've been nice."
This is news to me. I frown. "I like your name, it suits you."
"My powers are Diplomatics," Ninten says. "To answer your earlier question."
"Like Ryu?"
"Well, yeah, except I can't do any of the martial arts stuff. It's only really the knowing when other people are magicians, plus a couple other bits and pieces."
"A couple other bits and pieces?"
"Yeah," Ninten frowns. "But, like, often involuntary bits and pieces, you know? A little bit of ice and fire here and there, the occasional ability to check people's vibes…"
Lucas and I exchange yet another glance. "Sounds more psychic than anything."
"Well, maybe. But anyway," Ninten's cheery expression is rebirthed. "We're having a few drinks in my dorm later on; me, Lloyd, Ana, a couple other mates. Since it's our anniversary and all. You up for joining us?"
"We don't really drink," I begin, but Ninten waves his hand.
"That's fine. We'll pick up some apple juice or something. See you later?"
"See you later."
...
'Later' comes rather fast, following a heavy Fitness class, a politics lesson where Sebastian Tute expresses his secret communist ideologies, and a slow death by boredom from Ganondorf's sleepy timbre. 'Later' also follows mine and Lucas's turn in the kitchen, which predictably results in burnt macaroni cheese.
Despite all this, Lucas and I make it to Ninten's dorm in one piece, but Lucas frowns when we reach the doorway.
"Wasn't this Pit and Dark Pit's room?"
"You're right." I slow to an uneasy stop. "That's a bit odd."
The door is open, revealing the interior; it's fully decorated, posters and pictures covering more than half of the cream-coloured walls. Ninten's bright smile invites us inside, and I feel my trepidations melting away.
"Apple juice. Like I promised!" Ninten thrusts glasses into our hands. "And this here is Lloyd, he's the friend I mentioned in my letters-"
"Hey," I say, to a boy with a distinctly glazed expression. He gives a vague nod.
"We're just taking it easy tonight," Ninten says, waving towards where people are sitting. Someone's dealing cards for poker, piles of coloured chips by his side. "Come on over. I'll introduce you to everyone."
All in all, the party is fun. It's a little different, hanging out with people that aren't Toon Link, Red and Villager, but they're decent enough folk with some interesting stories to boot. Even Lucas lightens up, recounting his edgy phase with a genuine grin. It's nearly midnight and everyone's grown rather loud with alcohol before we realise we're way, way past Porky's curfew, but Ninten insists we can stay over if we sleep on the floor.
So that's how we settle down, Lucas curled up parallel to my chest, far enough away to avoid suspicion, but close enough to ward off any night demons. Then we wake up in the morning and realise that it's Wednesday, which means Porky's Prom is only two days away.
Ninten bids us farewell, and we check on Saul, who doesn't seem to have blown anything up in our absence. Claus seems to be in a worried mood when we see him, but he has to hurry off to tutoring with Rosalina before we can ask why. It's the least of my concerns though, what with Porky's riddle creeping back into my mind, people still regularly glowing purple, and Double Fitness class later on.
"Where have you been?" Toon Link whispers, as Lucas and I slip into assembly. "Why didn't you open your door?"
"Probably because we weren't in the room. You needed us?"
Pit turns, rubbing his neck with a frown. "It was nothing important. But where were you? Did something happen?"
"We found out who Ness's magician friend is," Lucas explains, though I catch some contempt in the way he says 'magician friend'. "It's the guy with the bandanna and that blue postman's cap."
Toon Link seems relieved. "Sweet, he's pretty cool. You find out much about him?"
Lucas looks as if he's about to say something, but before he can, Porky takes the stage.
"Good morning, boys and girls! It really is wonderful to see you all again, for another day of living and learning!"
Predictably, there are mutters. 'What happened to Popo?' 'Are we safe?'
"Ah, yes. About yesterday. A freak accident-" Porky glances towards Byleth, who appears harmlessly intrigued. "-And Popo is quite well, quite well I assure you, in the medical ward, undergoing some tests… BUT! More graffiti, surprise surprise. You know the dri-"
A sudden cry of fury cuts Porky off.
"No! No more!"
Everybody turns. There, standing in the middle of the audience, is Bayonetta. Her eyes are manic, hair wild and unkempt.
Porky spreads his ham-like arms. "Well, well, well! Is this a confession?"
"No!" Bayonetta exclaims, glaring at him. "I want whoever it is to admit to doing the stupid graffiti, so we can go back to normal! How's a girl supposed to be making moves, when she's forced to go to bed at 8pm, huh? HUH?"
Rosalina shoots a glare my way. It's not me, I mouth furiously.
Unfortunately, Bayonetta's passionate speech doesn't lead anyone into immediate confession, so she sits down and resumes her insanity in silence. Porky continues, his grin somehow wider than before.
"No more going outside, until our vandal comes forwards. Understood?"
This time, nobody even bothers protesting.
Eventually, the assembly ends, not before Porky's finished harping on in layered metaphors about 'Peter' being a marvellous businessman. Lucas seems worn down already, so I take his hand as we head down the corridor. But Lucas shakes me off, his expression worried.
"There are people watching us."
I turn. He's right. Behind us, there's hushed whispers and pointed expressions. Something crawls in my stomach. "Come on. Let's just go to class."
"You're so flagrant. About us." Lucas mutters, when we're in the Onett Studies classroom. Professor Chrom drones on, scrawling on the blackboard. "You're being so conspicuous. It's illegal, remember?"
I sigh. "Do we need to talk about this now?"
"It's important. We can't stop Porky if we're stuck in jail, okay?"
"Fine, okay, I'm sorry. I'll stop showing you affection in public. Happy now?"
"Not particularly."
I feel my expression softening. "It's going to be okay. In the end. We'll live happily ever after, and-"
"No," Lucas waves impatiently. "Not that. It's Porky's riddle. It keeps going around my head. I don't know what it means."
I try not to look too put out. "We shouldn't worry about that. It's another trap."
"Possibly, but I'm not sure. Sometimes I don't know if Porky even wants us to lose."
Before I can ask what he means by that, the clocktower chimes the lesson's end, and Lucas scurries away, as if he'd been waiting for an opportunity to leave. Red frowns, coming up beside me as I pack away my things.
"Trouble in paradise?"
I put a hand to my head. "I don't even know anymore."
Lucas and I reunite in our subsequent art lesson, the others disappearing off to their respective classes. He looks fretful, tired again, as if he hardly got a wink of sleep last night.
"It's all wrong," Lucas mutters as I pore over today's newspapers. "All wrong."
"Never mind that," I say, a headline catching my eye. "Look."
"'The war is over'," Lucas reads. "Oh, Christ. 'Onett has lost the war. Tazmily forces are on their way to the city border.' What the hell?"
We're not the only ones receiving the news. Others mutter in hushed whispers, casting furtive glances at their friends, and at Shulk, who seems completely oblivious.
"But that's not - Onett has a much bigger army," Lucas protests. "How can this be right?"
"Tazmily's army was reinforced by Future Humans," I say, grimly. "Remember what Headmaster Hand said in the camp? A secret weapon."
"And they're coming to Onett?"
"They're coming to Onett. It's nearly time."
This threat takes a while to sink in. Before God knows how long, an army of Future Humans will be upon Onett City, not only coming from out of the forest but no doubt from New Pork City as well. Whether Porky was bluffing about the red button in the cavern or not doesn't matter; either way, there'll be hundreds, if not thousands. Everything's going according to plan. Which makes it all the more terrifying: this isn't just a threat to the school, it's a threat to everything I know, and suddenly I long to be battling in the midst of it.
"I've solved the riddle," Lucas says, as we negotiate our way out of the dinner hall, hours later. "It was right there in front of us. 'You will bow. You will call me sir.' Bow, sir; Bowser's office."
"Did you find something?" Pit asks, and Lucas bites his lip.
"Yeah. Like Red said about the coded sections; they're references to words in a book. Bowser only has three books, and they're all copies of Crime and Punishment."
"What were the words?" Villager moves out of the way for a brutish-looking 7th year. "Was it a clue?"
"Well, I haven't got that far yet. I couldn't get into Bowser's office without him seeing me."
"Another heist, then?" Toon Link grins. "Brilliant."
"I'll take care of it," Villager says suddenly, surprising everyone. "Red can come with me. The rest of you have other things to be doing. Especially you Ness, Lucas. Training, remember?"
"But it's nighttime-"
"Future Humans don't care about that. Come on," Villager claps once, turning to the others. "Toon Link, Pit, can you see about visiting the medical ward? Look for some clues on why people are becoming human beacons."
Toon Link salutes. "Will do."
Villager bustles off with Red, who's visibly fretting about the idea of breaking into a professor's office for the second time. In many ways, breaking into Bowser's office is going to be a lot more dangerous than breaking into Porky's: at least Porky has a little restraint. Bowser tends to torture first, ask questions later.
"Villager's worryied about Mega Man," Toon Link explains, threading his hands through his increasingly messy hair. "He seems to think he's going to die, or something."
"He's not going to die." Pit rolls his eyes. Lucas frowns.
"He's right to worry. Anything could be happening."
"How's it going between you and him, Toon Link?" I change the subject, before Lucas can get too morbid. "You know, um. The relationship stuff."
Toon Link clears his throat, checking that the fourth years behind us aren't listening. "Ah. Well-"
"They had sex," Lucas says mildly, and my mouth falls open.
"They what!?"
"Lucas! No we didn't," Toon Link amends, reddening considerably. "Thanks for spreading that around! We just fooled about a bit, that's all."
"Does that mean you and him are, like. Together?"
Toon Link's shifts. "Well, no. He's still worried about his mother's opinion."
Pit looks unhappy. "Isn't this exactly what we decided he shouldn't be doing? Leading you on whilst he's still not sure?"
"It's worth it." Toon Link gives a coy smile, but it seems laced with something else I can't put my finger on. "Anyway, uh. Gotta pop to the loo. Medical ward, right? See you there, Pit."
We watch him hurry off, bemused.
"He's been avoiding the subject for a while," Pit mutters darkly. "That's the problem with those two. They keep falling into the same old patterns, and they're going to get hurt again. No matter how many times they 'talk about it'."
"Yeah," I say. "Like, if they're literally doing sexual stuff now, they've passed the point of no return, right? They're being foolish."
"You're the same," Pit says. "Both of you. Don't think that I haven't noticed, you're not even making physical contact anymore. You keep inadvertently upsetting each other, and you have been ever since your relationship went romantic. There's no way you can beat Porky if you're not even on the same page."
"We love each other," I protest. Lucas nods firmly in agreement.
"You do." Pit turns away. "Far too much. And quite possibly in very different ways."
He leaves me and Lucas in silence, my pulse accelerating from his words. Is he right? How could we love each other too much? The ridiculousness of it all hangs heavy on my shoulders, feelings of resentment threatening to build up.
"Come on," Lucas says, very deliberately holding out his hand for me to take. His eyes are averted. "Let's train."
…
One relatively ineffectual training session later, I'm still in a bad mood, which means Lucas is in an even worse one. He barges through the hallway, and upon spotting Ninten waving in the distance, he gives a dramatic groan and disappears up a nearby stairway.
Ninten walks over, his hands stuffed in his pockets, looking slightly perturbed. "Is he okay?"
"Not particularly."
"Oh well," Ninten grins. "Men, huh? What can you do?"
I force a laugh, wishing for little else but to be alone for many years. "Men indeed."
"Hey, look," Ninten says. He's apparently one of those people who has to wildly gesticulate whenever they open their mouth. "It was nice to have you around last night - want to come over again?"
I shrug, unable to think of anything better to do. "Sure. But can I bring my friend - uh, Toon Link?"
"The guy that I untied from the clock?" Somehow, Ninten manages to look even happier than before. "Sure, that'd be great! See you in a bit."
He disappears down the corridor, leaving me wondering how one person can possibly be so cheerful. Or perhaps, more realistically, how he's doing such a great job at covering up some kind of deep internal sadness, but still. The act is impressive. Ignoring the stares and mutters of my peers that I've grown so accustomed to, I hurry towards the medical ward, past the old graffiti, to where Toon Link will hopefully be. Any concerns about Lucas are easy to ignore. For now.
"You can't come-a in here," Doctor Mario declares, as soon as I reach the second floor. He's back from whatever travelling he's been doing; there's an obvious V-shaped tan line across his collarbone. In fact, he looks strikingly like the new Business Studies teacher, and I have to wonder if they're the same person, just wearing a slightly different outfit.
"I want to visit my friends."
Dr Mario wags his finger, holding a rather sizable clipboard. "I don't-a think so! Porky's orders! Nobody is-a to disturb them, they could be dangerous!"
I scoff at the idea of Popo being dangerous. "They're alive, then?"
"Yes, yes…" Doctor Mario furrows his brow. "It is a most peculiar, a most peculiar case indeed…"
"Uh - by the way, Link fell out a window," I lie. "He broke his leg. You should go and check on that."
"Mamma-Mia!" Doctor Mario exclaims, throwing his clipboard up in the air. "Why didn't you tell me!" He frantically pounds down the stairs. I roll my eyes, heading into the medical ward.
The first thing I notice is the smell. It's pure rot, like meat that's been left to stew in a sewage pipe. The second thing I notice is the beds where the two afflicted figures lie. Peculiarly, they're pushed out of sight against the edge of the wall, as if they'd been forgotten a long time ago, or perhaps as if they're to be kept from any wandering eyes. Pinching my nose, I creep into the gloom, where Toon Link and Pit are examining a jar in great detail.
"Is Mega Man okay?" I ask, my voice sounding extremely nasally.
Pit tosses me a facemask. "Yeah. Put this on. It helps with the stench."
"Thanks." The smell of cheap hospital disinfectant fails to mask the odour. "Why does it smell so bad in here?"
"That's what we're trying to figure out. What do you think this is?" Pit holds up the jar, within which a clear yellow liquid resides.
"Uh, probably not apple juice."
"Agreed."
I glance nervously towards the doorway, before examining Mega Man and Popo's bodies. It doesn't look as if Doctor Mario has been doing any work at all - in fact, it doesn't even look as if anyone's come by for days. The blinds are drawn shut, and I hoist them up, opening a window for good measure. A bit of light reveals greying skin, sickly, pallid cheeks and a concerning degree of weight loss, despite Popo usually being rather plump. Their heartbeats are surprisingly regular, and both of them are breathing normally, although their skin is disturbingly chilly to the touch.
"Zombie vibes?" Toon Link asks, nervously.
"Zombie vibes," I agree.
"Doctor Mario isn't even allowed in," Pit explains. "We asked him, it's Porky's orders. I think Porky is leaving them both to die. Hoping the problem goes away, or whatever."
"What do you think is causing it?" I ask, for what feels like the billionth time.
"I don't know, and I don't think we're going to find the answers here. Come on; other things to do. Let's go."
We wait until Dr Mario's back is turned, before sneaking into the hallway and letting the door fall shut behind us. It's the same feeling that's been hounding me ever since we came back to school; the answers are here, somewhere, but whenever I get close enough to glimpse them, they disappear out of sight.
"Is Pit okay?" I ask, once it's just me and Toon Link.
Toon Link shrugs. "Probably. He's only taking everything so seriously because of - well, you know."
"Dark Pit?"
"Dark Pit. He's angry, I think. I can hardly get a joke out of him."
"Oh."
"But hey," Toon Link grins. "Where's Lucas? I thought you two were practically joined at the hip these days?"
"He's busy," I say, feeling a surge of irritation. "We're not - codependent - or whatever, okay? No matter what Pit's been saying."
Toon Link halts in place, stricken. "Oh no, he really went and said that to you? I told him - goddammit - I told him to keep those theories to himself!"
"Theories?" I narrow my eyes.
"Pit's a lot more opinionated than he lets on. He's like, the king of judgement, or something. I think Red's rubbing off on him. But, anyway, ignore that, figure all that romance stuff out on your own, yeah? Villager and I are prime examples of why that's a great idea."
"What, because Villager let you bone him?"
"I did not bone him!"
"So he boned you?"
"Ness!"
I laugh. "It doesn't matter either way. It has to be one of you, and it just so happens that you have more feminine qualities than he does."
"Oh my God." If Toon Link could've gotten any redder, he would've. "You're as bad as him. Actually - scrap that - you're worse! I'm changing the subject. You are not to change it back, under penalty of death. What are you doing tonight?"
"Fine. Ninten invited me round," I say, rolling my eyes. "He said you can come as well, if you like."
"Oho, a bit early to be cheating on Lucas, isn't it?"
"Hey!" I slug him in the arm. "Come on, you dickhead. It'll be fun."
"Fine," Toon Link rolls his eyes. "Let's see what Bandanna Boy has to offer."
"Good, do you want to go and get ready, then?"
"Oh yes," Toon Link does a little skip. "It's a law of nature that I must look fabulous on every social occasion. Don't show me up too much, okay?"
"I won't, I promise!"
"Then," Toon Link fingerguns, slipping into his dormitory. "I'll see you later."
"See you later."
As soon as he's gone, I double back down the stairs. I have no real intention of dressing up for Ninten, in fact, I need to visit the library. I've been working my way through Ryu's books on powers, but if there's any chance of Magical Monsters and Mythical Creatures being back in contention, then the game could be changed. After all, why would Porky have closed the library if not to basically invite me in?
It's hard to believe that even I'm getting serious about this now. Perhaps it's because once Porky's gone, everything will be back to normal with me and Lucas. Actually, that's almost certainly the reason. I grumble to myself as I cut through the main hall, but as I'm turning the corner, I almost run into Saul.
"Ness!" Saul exclaims, stepping back in alarm. "Well! Fancy seeing you here!"
I feel my whole body tensing up. "What are you doing here?"
He looks immediately guilty, shoulders hunched, dirt caked under his fingernails and - paint across his front.
"Hey!" I exclaim. "It's you! Doing the graffiti!"
"Well, of course," Saul sneers. "As if that wasn't obvious."
"Thanks to you, we have to go to bed at 8pm!"
"Well, one of us had to be the brother that took action, didn't we?"
It takes me a while to figure out what he's saying, before I remember that I'm not supposed to know his lie yet.
"Go to your room," I command, trying to sound authoritative. "Or I'll tell Lucas." I'll tell Lucas anyway.
"Fine," Saul saunters. "Goodbye, Ness. I hope to meet you again in Hell someday."
Stewing from the encounter, I push into the library, unlocking it with one of Paula's hairpins that I procured earlier. With the gas lamps unlit, the scene is distinctly unwelcoming, the bookcases towering into pitch-black darkness above. I strike a match. Sharp blueberry mixes with ancient must as I light the last of Toon Link's scented candles, shoving past biographies to reach the Fantasy section. I'm far too pissed off with Saul and with Lucas to bother with being scared of the darkness, which is a blessing in disguise, as it lets me work diligently into the last hours of the sunset.
But maybe diligence isn't what I need, I think irritably to myself ten minutes later. That's the thing with having a task, I can master it for the first few minutes or so, but then my brain starts thinking about food. I bring out an apple, having fully expected this eventuality, and then I'm back in the swing again.
An hour later, the candle is burning low, and my eyes are starting to droop. There's no sign of Porky's book amongst the array, and anyway, if Porky had wanted me to find it, he would've made it more obvious than this. The foreboding presence of the library has faded after an hour by candlelight, replaced by a kind of thick ambience that I can't really place. I leave, only mildly surprised that no Future Humans used the opportunity to murder me, and then soon enough I'm sitting with Toon Link on Ninten's floor.
"Drinks?" Ninten asks, pulling out some bottles from his wardrobe.
"Sure," I say. Toon Link looks at me with abject surprise.
"You don't drink."
"It's been a long day."
Thankfully, it's left at that. I'm handed a bottle of cider, told that it's best to start with the lighter stuff. I swallow some down, and it's not quite as unpleasant as I was imagining.
Ninten dexterously shuffles a pack of cards, looking as though he can't believe his luck. That's how he seems to be, he smiles as though everything he does is something he's experiencing for the very first time. The cards are dealt for poker, and I take them, looking disdainfully at my hand.
"So," Ninten says. "Toon Link. I don't know much about you."
Toon Link grins. "What do you want to know?"
"Well, what do you want to tell me?"
Toon Link laughs, throwing down his ante. Fortunately, we're not playing with real money. "I'm from the second residential district, my father is a butcher, and my mother worked under Monotoli for a while. My little brother is probably going to be a genius someday, and until Lucas came along, I was the shyest kid in class. You?"
"Hmm," Ninten sips from a bottle. "I'm from the farming district, but my parents live a lot further away. I've known my friend Lloyd for my whole life, I'm terrified of fires, and I've been dating Ana for nearly three years."
"Is Ana coming tonight?" I say.
Ninten waves a hand. "Nah. A night in for the blokes, I think."
I take another gulp of the cider. It burns a little, but I don't find myself minding too much.
"Where do you get all this stuff?" I ask. "You know. The alcohol?"
"I know a guy," Ninten laughs. "No, not really. You can just get it mailed from one of the companies. It's dead cheap, and the school turns a blind eye."
"Not for long, though," Toon Link says. "What do you think of all those prohibitionists going around?"
"Oh, they won't do jack. There are hardly any of them anyway; besides, there's much bigger social issues for the government to worry about. That and the good that alcohol production does for the economy - there's no way they'll be allowed to let that many workers go. It'd be catastrophic."
"Yeah, and alcohol isn't all bad. It's a social thing, right?"
I find myself nodding in agreement, suddenly a bit dazed. Toon Link laughs, taking the empty cider bottle from my hand.
"First time drinking is rough. I remember mine, it was at that party I hosted, remember? I threw up about seven times in the morning. You've got to take it slower, okay?"
"I'm fine - fine," I insist. "What should I drink next?"
Ninten and Toon Link exchange a humorous glance. "Just give it a couple of minutes first, or you'll end up with alcohol poisoning."
"Alright, let's continue the game - the poker."
I look through my cards, still not entirely sure how to play. There's a couple of aces that look rather promising, so I throw down some chips, and Ninten does the same. The cards are revealed, and I greedily take the chips when it turns out I've won.
"This is great, this."
"It's great until you lose," Toon Link laughs. "Gambling and drinking? I don't know what's gotten into you, Ness."
"Well, it's not like - real money? So it's okay, right?"
He laughs again. "If you say so."
"We should put something up for winning," Ninten suggests. My first immediate thought is the golden egg, but I figure Lucas wouldn't be too happy if I gambled away one of our major clues. Instead, I throw in a bar of chocolate I'd been saving for later, Ninten throws in a gold coin replica, and Toon Link procures a small stuffed rabbit.
"Is it even worth trying to win?" Ninten laughs, passing out bottles of beer. I try it; it smells yeasty, like a weird musty bread, but the taste is disappointingly bitter.
"Antes up," Toon Link says. I toss in a chip.
"Ness. You never said," Ninten grins, brushing his hair back under his postman's cap. "You and Lucas - are you dating?"
"Yeah," I say, surprising myself. "I mean, like, pretty much. You know."
"For how long?"
"Either a week or several years. It depends who you ask."
"It has been a long time coming," Toon Link says. "And since you were bullying me earlier, about-" he looks up, as if noticing Ninten for the first time. "What sex stuff have you two done?"
I spit out my mouthful. "Excuse me?!"
"How does it even work with two guys?" Ninten muses.
"We haven't-" I splutter. "It's just, like, not really a thing. That we do. Is that bad?"
"Not really," Toon Link deals the cards. "It's just nice to know I have one up on you, that's all."
"Would you want to, if you could?" Ninten asks, way too curious for my liking.
"Uh. Probably?" I'm very red. "If Lucas wanted to as well! I don't know!"
Toon Link grins. "Maybe when he's hit puberty, you'll have a chance."
"He has hit puberty!" I exclaim.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah! Like, he has, like, leg hair, and stuff, okay? Can we get back to the game?"
Toon Link and Ninten both burst into laughter. I take a long gulp of my drink, thoroughly embarrassed by the discussion.
The hazy feeling coming over me resumes as I finish my bottle, whilst steadily losing my chips from earlier. Ninten appears to be the expert at the game. Toon Link's in dead last, but he at least seems to be in good spirits. When I stand up to visit the toilet, the world appears to rush by.
"Hey there," I say to myself, in the bathroom mirror. I wonder if wearing my old cap would be a good idea. I tug at my hair, it's longer than I like it, but I hurry out of the bathroom feeling silly when Link comes in and laughs at my vanity.
"Time for the hard stuff," Ninten says when I come back in. He hands me a bottle and a glass, and I set about filling it up, which causes Toon Link to burst into laughter.
"What now?"
"That's whiskey, Ness! You drink all that, and you'll probably die."
"How much should I have, then?"
"Look," Toon Link pours half of it into his own glass. "There we go. Be careful with this stuff, Ness, it's big boy shit."
"Big boy shit," I agree.
"Hey, you're not allowed to swear! Lucas wouldn't be happy with you."
"Who cares?" I exclaim. "I can swear if I like! Listen: Shit, shit, fuck, fuck, shit-"
Ninten gulls down a mouthful of the whiskey, and his pained expression doesn't fill me with hope. Before I can think too much about it, I do the same, the sudden burn in my throat taking me by alarm.
"Christ!" I splutter. "Why would anyone drink that stuff?"
"The same reason anyone does anything!"
"Which is?"
"I don't know." Ninten laughs, dealing again. "Come on. There's an old stuffed rabbit to be won. And chocolate."
Toon Link eyes his hand carefully. I take a more cautious sip of the whiskey, and Ninten's eyes glint with menace.
"I bet five," I say, pushing in some chips.
"I raise you five more," Ninten challenges.
"Five more," Toon Link smiles. "What happens if it's a draw?"
"Fight to the death?" Ninten suggests gleefully. "It won't be a draw, though."
"How do you know?"
"Fold," I mutter, unconvinced by my hand.
"I just do. Thirty." Ninten shoves in some more,
Toon Link studies him for a moment, before draining the rest of his glass, and pushing all of his chips into the middle. "All in. Let's see what you got."
The cards are revealed. Ninten hoots with delight upon seeing Toon Link's hand.
"Ha! I win. A flush is no match for my full house. You're out of the game!"
"Oh, whatever, let's blow this game. Let's just shoot the shit."
"Only if Ness forfeits."
I look up, dizzied. "Huh? Oh, yeah. Whatever."
Ninten gleefully collects his winnings, before pouring out another round of whiskeys. I take mine, accepting the lightheaded fuzz flowing through me as a good thing. I feel content, I think. Nice and cheerful.
"-You're handling it well," Toon Link is saying, now sitting on Ninten's bed. I join him.
"What am I handling well?"
"The alcohol. A lot of people would be pretty drunk by now."
"It'll hit," Ninten laughs. "Don't worry."
"I feel funny," I admit. "Like, all floaty. Is that right?"
"Yeah, dude," Toon Link laughs as well. "That's right."
Ninten comes to sit next to us, and Toon Link slings his arms around us both. I don't mind it too much, still focused on getting used to the feeling of drinking the whiskey.
"What now?" Ninten asks.
"Threesome?"
"Gross! I'm straight, and I have a girlfriend!"
"I guess that would leave a lot of jealous partners," Toon Link muses. "Did you know, ha, I had a massive crush on you once, Ness?"
"What?!" I gape at him in surprise. "Really?"
"Like, in primary school," Toon Link giggles. "But you were all Lucased up, so I never really had a chance."
I laugh. "I always thought that you and Inkling would, like, get together! Lucas and me - and I - we bet on it!"
"Inkling? Nah. Not a chance. She wasn't interested in shy boys."
Ninten refills our glasses again, looking spacey. Half the bottle is gone at this point, and I find that I can't remember how many drinks I've had.
"You should've told me," I shrug. "You're really cool. Like, super-duper cool. It would've boosted my self-esteem."
"And crushed his!" Ninten laughs a little too hard. "Y'know, we should like, do something."
"Yeah," I find myself agreeing. "You're right! We shouldn't be sitting around like - like, people who sit around."
"We should go on a walk," Toon Link suggests. "That's what I usually do when I'm drunk."
"Are you drunk?"
Toon Link laughs again. "Probably. Are you?"
I examine the floaty feeling that's suddenly got a whole lot stronger, breaking into a big grin. "Maybe!"
"We can't go on a walk," Ninten says. "People would see Ness!"
"Why can't they see me?" I frown, examining my arms. "I'm handsome. Lucas said so."
"Yeah, but they totally think you're behind all the collapses."
"That's dumb. They're dicks," Toon Link proclaims.
"That's why they're all looking at me funny!" I stand, appalled. "Why do they think it's me? I'm, like, really nice!"
Ninten stands as well. "You did magic at Bayonetta's party, but come on! Let's go walking!"
I watch the others for a few seconds, pulling on gloves and scarves. Is this really a good idea? But the thought quickly leaves my mind as I'm tossed a coat. I can't tell if I feel great or terrible, all I know is that I feel different, floaty, and like I could do pretty much anything. I sort of want to go and give Lucas a kiss and a cuddle, but I mechanically follow the others out of the room instead. They know what they're doing, they've been drunk before.
Giddily, we head down the stairs, the others giggling about one thing or another. Toon Link catches me when I stumble, beaming.
"What if Porky catches us?" Ninten says loudly. Toon Link shushes him.
"We'll kick his ass!"
"He's evil," I remind them.
"And-"
"Indoor voices!"
"Jeez, fine! He's probably busy killing people."
"Or making Future Humans," I giggle.
"Have you ever seen a Future Human?" Toon Link asks.
Ninten frowns. "No, are they scary?"
"Let's go find one!" I cheer, and the others do too. We don't worry too much about noise, and I follow Toon Link's lead to the outside world. It's cold, but not too cold, and I'm feeling too good to care.
"Future Humans!" Toon Link bellows, trying not to laugh. "Where are you!"
"Come on out!" Ninten sways. "I bet you're scared!"
I cross my arms. "No I'm not!"
"Not you, dum dum!"
"Hey! Look!" Toon Link exclaims. He's pointing towards the lake. There's a figure.
"Future Human! Hey!"
It turns, and I'm suddenly uncomfortable. "Guys?"
Toon Link gives a girlish scream. "It's coming!"
He's right. Ninten laughs, but I can't think, in fact, I'm sick, so sick all of a sudden that I stumble and Toon Link catches me again. We tumble to the floor, laughing momentarily, but then the Future Human is here, and my vision swims.
"It's silly," Ninten laughs, but even he sounds nervous now. "It's a bit scary, actually."
It surveys us. It looks like somebody else, but I can't figure out who. Toon Link scrambles back, attempting to pull me with him, but I'm frozen in place, too far under the cloud of alcohol to think coherently.
"Get it, Ness!" Ninten shouts.
It lunges, and I feel cold metal against my throat. I flounder, but to no avail - how did I even get outside? I'm scared, that thought fills me in a terrifying instant, and then I'm thrown against the dirt, I'm screaming Lucas's name, I'm crying, there's a strike to my face, but then there's a blinding flash, and the last thing I see is a bundle of blonde hair.
"You're such a fucking idiot, Ness."
A/N
It's been a while! Other than recently starting uni, I don't have any decent excuses for that, but I'm back and hopefully I will be for some time.
Editing of older chapters will hopefully continue as well, fixing them up should do some good work solving my current disillusionment with this fic. I want my writing to always be up to the standard that I know I can hold it to, and that you guys deserve to be reading.
Notes
The Prohibition era was a period in which alcohol was banned in North America. This fic refers only to people in the U.K. who believed alcohol should be banned (roughly 50 years earlier) known as Quakers.
Reviews
StrangerDanger: Thank you so much for your review! I'm mildly concerned that this fic is giving you heart palpitations but I will fully take it as a compliment.
RainyTazmily: I know I responded to ur review in dms but just wanted to thank you and acknowledge it again here! :DD
A funny thing I've noticed is that every day, exactly one guest user is leaving kudos on this fic. I get the email notification for it most mornings, and I'm not entirely sure what's going on there, but thank you for the support! As a result of that we're also up to 6th place for Kudos in the Mother 3 AO3 section! Hooray!
~ ReadyForTeddy
