A/N: Things are still...happening to Roy. Enjoy and leave a review to let me know what you think.

Roy stayed home from work for a few days before eventually having to go back. True, he didn't technically need to. The "trust fund" account Bruce had set up for him was always full of money so it wasn't like he needed to work to pay rent or buy food. It wasn't the financial constraints pushing him to go back as much as his own stubborn pride. As small and unassuming as his business was, it was still his. Roy had always felt a deep sense of satisfaction from the moment he'd first opened his doors. It was nice to having something that was completely his. No ties to Oliver and no way for anyone else to control him with it. It was all Roy. However, wanting to go back to work wasn't enough to assuage his increased anxiety by itself. But he still went. A full week after the 'Incident' as he and Jade had begun calling it, he put his case files away— his way of dealing with not wanting to go back to sleep— as he did every morning and started his checklist.

The list was the real reason he was able to get anything done. At 7 he had to get dressed. A 7:15 he cooked breakfast. At 7:45 he either offered to bring Mia and Connor to school or gave them lunch money and sent them on their way. Then he had to walk to his office. Walking to the office used to be an enjoyable part of the day. Even in early December, the mild California weather wasn't so bad with a jacket. Now though, Roy's brain (running on approximately 3 hours of sleep) sent constant, low-level danger signals every time someone bumped him or happened to catch his eye. Every flash of blonde hair in the crowd sent his heart pounding against his ribs. So he kept his head down until he got to his office.

Work was harder than it had been before, between Roy constantly upping his caffeine in-take and feeling jittery about talking to new clients. Going into the city to track down potential witnesses or looking for evidence brought the anxiety of being in the open and meeting new people. In more than one instance, someone grabbed his wrist or forearm, usually in anger or desperation. One particularly angry teen (runaway who hadn't wanted to leave her boyfriend) left welts on his arms from scratching him. In every instance, Roy's grounding techniques allowed him just enough time to find a corner or alley to hide in before a panic attack hit him. Shaking and hyperventilating in a dirty alley wasn't fun (especially not after being attacked by an angry teen made him vomit too) but when it was over he pulled his coat tighter and went on with his day.

Before he went home, he'd get more coffee, because patrol was even longer when running on a few hours of night terror-filled sleep. Getting home involved making dinner, making sure Mia and Connor did their homework, then going to the Arrow Cave. Roy wasn't the only one slowly dying from stress though.

Despite it starting with the small stuff, Connor slowly began to realize that Roy very much didn't want him there. At least…that's what it felt like. He recognized it in every time Roy looked at him, then his eyes glanced away quickly. Like he couldn't stand looking at Connor. It happened a couple times with Mia (probably because she was also blonde) but not nearly as much as it was with him. He tried not to let the hurt show on his face and took to leaving any room Roy was in as fast as possible. It didn't help that he and Mia could definitely hear Roy yelling and/or crying every night through their shared wall. It woke them up a few times, but they went back to sleep almost immediately. The first night Mia had tried to get Connor to go with her to check on Roy, but Connor had refused, knowing Roy wouldn't calm down if he was there. When she came back, dejected and mumbling about Roy's door being locked, he hadn't been surprised. It was like living in some weird twilight zone. A place where nothing made sense and everything was overwhelming.

The tension between him and Roy did have one surprising side-effect though…it made Connor look forward to school. A week and a half after Roy and Kaldur had broken up, he practically ran out the door with Mia in tow.

"You're in a hurry today," she noted as they walked. The dark blue jackets with the school's crest on them protected the teens from the wind as they walked. "Finally ask Alyssa out?"

"What- No!" Heat crept up Connor's cheeks and he purposefully looked away.

"Still too scared?"

"Can you…stop? Please? Alyssa's just a girl I have a class with. We're not even friends."

"But you want to be-"

"No, I don't! I don't want to be friends with Alyssa because I don't want friends! I don't need any!"

Mia frowned at him. "Why?"

'…She's not going to understand.' Connor sighed and turned his head away from her, determined not to say anything else for the rest of the walk. 'It's not really Mia's fault. She doesn't have an evil dad. She's not biologically connected to an infamous villain. And- And she has Roy. He actually likes Mia and isn't just tolerating her.' No, Mia would never have to worry about being related to a horrible villain or watching as her relationship with the only adult in her life slowly degraded. She was just lucky like that. They lapsed into a tense and awkward silence for the rest of the walk. As soon as they got the middle schoolyard, Mia split off from him without so much as a good-bye. Connor sighed and sat down with his back against the wall. 'Roy's slowly losing his tolerance for me and now I've pushed Mia away too. Cool.' He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall. It was times like these that he really wished he could talk to his mom.

A basketball hit his legs, jerking Connor out of his pity and grief-filled stupor. He grabbed the ball and held it out to the boy who'd followed it over.

"Thanks, dude," the boy said.

"Uh… yeah…" For a few seconds, Connor couldn't take his eyes off the other teen; momentarily captivated by his dark brown eyes. Unfortunately, this freaked the other teen out as he visibly seemed to curl in disgust and walked away muttering. Words like 'freak' and others made Connor flinch and bite his lip. 'Why is everything so…hard?' he wondered. 'Roy… School… Life in general?' It felt like no matter what he did. the universe was intent on just making his life as difficult as possible. 'Who did I kill in a past life?' He snorted, knowing the adage didn't accurately describe his beliefs in the cycle of rebirth but still felt accurate nonetheless. 'If only I could be back at Arsham with Master Jensen. He would probably have some good advice for me.' The bell rang and he sighed deeply before slowly standing and grabbing his backpack. 'Guess I should get this over with.'

— —

School passed as slowly as painfully possible. By the time Connor met Mia at the school gate, he was more than ready to go home (not that it was a much better place). The latter spent their walk home telling Connor everything that had happened that day, apparently over their disagreement from the morning, and he simply nodded his head in response. When they got home, Roy wasn't there, so he went straight to their bedroom to do his homework.

"What's his problem been?" Jade asked Mia as they watched Connor disappears into the bedroom.

"I don't know," Mia shrugged as she dropped her bag by the couch and flung herself down. "He's been acting weird all week. Him and Roy."

"Roy at least has an excuse."

"And Connor doesn't?"

Jade met Mia's sarcastic look with an even one of her own. "Does he?"

"…You're good. I don't know though. He doesn't want to talk about it and bites my head off when I try to ask about it."

'And I'm sure that has nothing to do with the way you're asking,' Jade thought as she went back to the book she was reading. While she liked Mia's semi-abrasive personality, something told her Connor didn't. Which would be all the more reason for Roy to talk to Connor himself. 'That definitely won't be happening any time soon though. Roy can barely remember to feed the kids.' This wasn't helped by the fact that she'd bought food for them in the previous week because Roy had finally fallen asleep and she'd been hesitant to wake him up. 'Plus something about Connor seems to put Roy on edge. Oh well, I'll mention it to him anyways.' She glanced at Mia, who was busy doing her homework.

The two sat in the living room silently, Jade reading and Mia finishing her homework until Roy came home from work.

"Hey, Roy, do I have to pass science to become a vigilante?" Mia asked casually.

"….Yes," he replied slowly.

Jade watched him hang his jacket, mentally noting the sluggish movements of his arms. "No coffee today?" she asked.

"Huh?" Roy looked down and sighed deeply. "I thought I grabbed it." He rubbed his eyes with his palms. "Must've left it on my desk."

"Well, since you're not all caffeinated up, why don't you go take a nap?"

"No!" When Mia jumped at his shout, Roy flinched and swallowed. "I- I mean… I don't need to sleep I'm fine."

"You're exhausted."

"Didn't know you cared."

"I don't really… But I thought you might care about being sloppy and getting yourself killed in front of Connor on patrol tonight."

Roy flinched again. "I- I'm fine."

"Just go take a nap. At least a couple hours will do you some good."

"….Fine. But only a couple hours."

"Uh-huh. Go." Jade gestured to him and Roy sighed before dragging his feet to his bedroom.

"If he's napping, how're we supposed to eat dinner?" Mia asked once Roy'd left the room. As concerned she was about eating, evens he knew Roy needed to sleep more.

"Don't worry about. Finish your homework. You don't want to be an idiot."

"Thanks." Mia rolled her eyes, then went back to labeling the parts of an atom. 'Roy's losing his mind and Connor's being a jerk. Guess Jade and I are the only sane ones here right now.'

— —

The city was dark. Very dark. Even the street lights seemed less bright somehow. And yet, the buildings around him were casting deep shadows that made the street even darker. It was also empty and silent. Granted, the streets weren't usually as busy when he was patrolling, but there was some traffic— both from cars and people— so a completely silent and stranded city was unnerving. Roy put his hand to his comm. "Connor? You there?" Before he got a response, he heard a scream.

"Ah! H-Help!"

Roy's blood ran cold and his heart stopped. "No…"

"H-Help me!"

"Connor?!" The unmistakable sound of his partner's voice sent paralyzing fear through his body.

"R-Roy! Roy, help!"

"Connor!" Roy finally moved, sprinting toward the sound of the teen's terrified shouts. "Connor! Where are you?!"

"Help!"

"I'm coming!" It didn't help that the screams were almost echoing, making it difficult to find Connor. 'Where is he?! Where is he?! Where is he?!' His heart was hammering against his ribs at a hundred beats per minute and a tremor shook through his hands. Then he heard another scream.

"Roy!" Mia screeched. "Help us!"

Her shouts almost made him stop and fall to his knees, but Roy pushed himself forward. 'Oh God, they're both in danger,' he thought as he ran down street after street, eyes scanning frantically for his two missing kids. 'I have to find them! I have to!' He sprinted down a narrow alley clearing a couple of downed trash cans easily with all the adrenaline filling his veins, and turned onto a broader street. When he turned, he stopped in the middle of the deserted street. His feet stopped suddenly, as if of their own accord. The first thing he saw was Connor and Mia, kneeling in the street with their hands tied behind their backs. They appeared to be unharmed except for the two glowing swords at their necks. Two seconds later though, his brain recognized the swords and followed them from the watery blades to the metal handles, to the arms clad in black armor holding them. Finally, he lifted his gaze enough to look Kaldur in the eye.

Kaldur wore a suit identical to Black Manata's, just without the helmet, giving Roy a good look at the cold detachment in his eyes. "Very good," he said, his voice unsympathetic and measured. "You found them."

"Kal…" Roy swallowed, trying to ignore the complicated bundle of emotions that rose in his throat like bile. "L-Let them go."

"Why?" Kaldur moved his hands juts slightly, allowing the blades of his water-bearers to move just slightly more towards Connor and Mia's throats.

"They- They're kids, Kaldur!"

"Kids you will gladly put in danger by giving them masks."

"That- That's not fair, you know that!"

"Fair?" Kaldur chuckled darkly and without amusement. "What should I care about fair?"

"Kal-" Roy swallowed, trying to control his breathing and keep himself from just collapsing. "Kal… Please…"

Kaldur snorted in derision. "So this is the brave hero who took down Green Arrow, hm? Reduced to begging for the lives of two children. Although…" He looked down at Connor and twitched the blade against the teen boy's throat again. "Maybe I should just take care of this one for you-"

"No! No, Kal, please! Please, if you're angry with me, then take it out on me! But let them go!" The smirk on Kaldur's face made Roy's stomach flip-flop.

"Lucky for you, we only needed them to lure you here."

Roy frowned. "We? What'd you mean- Gah!" A sharp pain shot through his chest and heat quickly spread from his center out to the rest of his body. For a second, Roy looked down, and it took a moment for him to register the arrow sticking out of his ribcage. The green, double-barbed projectile was coated in his dark, red blood. A garbled sound escaped his lips as his knees shook, but someone grabbed him from behind to hold him up.

"Don't worry, Speedy," Oliver whispered in Roy's ear. "I'll take good care of your little friends. After all, I think you owe me, two new sidekicks."

'N…No…' Roy thought as Oliver released him and he nearly fell on his face. His legs shook violently with the effort of keeping him standing. 'H-Have 'ta save…them…' Every breath he drew felt like it was setting his lungs on fire, but before he could even formulate the thought of a plan, another arrow pierced his back-

"Agh!" Roy shot off his bed and practically scrambled across the floor to the trashcan he kept near the door. He vomited until there was nothing coming up. Even then, he kept dry heaving for several minutes until he was able to regain control of his stomach. Roy took a shaky breath and fell onto his side. A thin layer of cold sweat covered his body and loose tremors shook through his muscles. 'C-Connor… Mia…' The thought of his two kids sent a bolt of cold fear through him. Roy shot to his feet and out of his room. The first place he went to was their bedroom, but it was empty. Roy ran to the kitchen next, where he found Connor and Mia sitting at the table while Jade cooked at the stove. All three of them gave him concerned looks when he ran in.

"Are you ok?" Connor asked quietly.

"You look like shit," Mia added.

"You-" Roy almost whispered. He took a deep breath. "You guys are…ok?"

"…Yeah? Why, is something wrong?"

Roy shook his head as he closed his eyes and leaned back against the doorframe. He clutched it with his hands desperately, as his legs shook. Every muscle inches body was caught between tense and so loose they wouldn't hold his weight. 'Calm… I need to be calm…' Roy nodded, then took a deep breath. "Five things I can see." He opened his eyes. "Connor… Mia… Jade… table… chairs…" Another inhale and exhale. "Four things I can feel. The- The floor… The door- door frame… The wall… My clothes…" Inhale and exhale. "Three things I can hear. Food cooking… Water boiling… A chair creaking…" Inhale. Exhale. "Two things I can smell. Cooking vegetables. Boiling noodles." Keep inhaling and exhaling. "One thing I can taste. Sweat." He took several more, very deep breaths, then nodded to himself.

"You with us?" Jade asked as she turned back to their dinner.

"Uh-huh…" Roy mumbled. He joined Connor and Mia at the table, but he had to avoid looking at Connor because the sight of the teen's blonde hair and green eyes sent a spike of panic through his heart. "You-You're cooking?"

"Yeah, apparently Jade can cook," Mia said.

"Hey!" Jade protested as she drained the noodles. "I resent that."

"Well, your background as an assassin doesn't exactly scream domestic skills."

"I'll have you know I cooked for me and my sister all the time growing up. Besides, I need to know how to cook to be self-sufficient. A woman should never have to rely on others for such a simple task. Remember that."

"I will."

Roy almost smiled. It was nice seeing Jade get along with Mia at least, even if Connor still didn't seem that interested in getting to know her. He ran his fingers through his hair to try and make it look a little less disheveled.

"Roy, will we have time for an archery lesson before you and Connor leave for patrol?"

"Uh…" Roy looked at the time and shook his head. "No, sorry. You can keep practicing in the Cave while we're gone though. Practice-"

"I know, practice makes perfect."

Connor glanced at Roy, who was once again pointedly not looking at him, before clearing his throat quietly. "Roy…" he said in a hushed tone.

"Yeah, Connor?"

"…Uh… Rōhatsu is next week and- I- I was wondering if we can celebrate it again like last year…"

"Of course." Roy kept his gaze on the table, but he reached out to squeeze Connor's hand gently. "We'll celebrate it exactly like we did last year."

"What's R- Rohatsu?" Mia asked, stumbling over the pronunciation.

"A Buddhist holiday," Connor told her. "Roy and I celebrated it last year."

"Oh. So I'm assuming we're all celebrating it this year?"

"Yes, we are," Roy confirmed.

"Huh. What do we have to do?"

"Mostly mediate," Connor said. "But we get to have cookies and decorate a tree with multicolored lights."

"Sounds good. I haven't even celebrated Christmas in… I don't even know how long."

"….Really?"

"Yeah. Perverted men don't let the holiday season stop them from buying you for the night. And the last couple of years I was with my dad weren't exactly nice ones, even on Christmas."

"…Oh."

"Well…we're going to have a great holiday season," Roy tried to reassure both teens, still not looking at Connor. "It'll be great." Even if the thought of orchestrating the holidays, the amount of stuff he'd have to do, added to his already unbearable levels of stress. 'Doesn't matter. I'm an adult and- I have to take care of them. I'll be fine. It'll be fine. Everything's fine.' He glanced up at Jade which felt like a mistake because she shook her head a little, almost like could read his mind. So Roy looked away as she served them dinner.

"Eat," she ordered. "You don't want to be running around on an empty stomach. I've been down that road. Trust me, it leads nowhere fun."

"Can't argue with that," Mia shrugged. She accepted her plate of noodles and vegetables. "Just veggies?"

"I was under the impression Connor was a vegetarian."

"Doesn't mean I am."

"Just eat, Mia," Roy told her. "Please?" He looked at Jade and gave her a weak smile. "Thank you."

Jade shrugged. "I'm living here too right now," she said. "I'm no free-loader, hero."

"You're not a bad cook either," Mia told her.

"Told you."

"Do you like it, Connor?" Roy asked, still not looking at the teen.

This little fact didn't escape Connor's notice, but he swallowed the anger that rose inside of him and nodded tersely. "Yeah," he answered quietly. "It's…good."

'See? I have everything under control,' Roy thought as he poked at his own food. His stomach was still churning and felt largely unwelcoming to any meals. 'I have to eat to go on patrol though.'

'Do you?' a voice in his head asked him. 'You've patrolled on an empty stomach before. You survived.'

'And it was wrong-'

'Because Ollie was forcing it on you. This is different. Besides, you don't want to throw up in front of Connor and Mia, do you? You're an adult, you should be protecting them from your trauma, not freaking them out with it. What kind of a mentor are you if you can't control your brain long enough to take care of them?'

It was hard to argue with that, so Roy slurped down a few more noddles before standing. "I'm going to take care of some stuff," he said.

"You didn't even eat!" Mia objected.

"I'm not hungry. You guys eat up though. We'll head to the Cave as soon as you're done. You coming with us, Jade?"

"…No," Jade replied carefully, scrutinizing Roy with narrowed eyes. "I think I'll pass tonight."

"Ok." Roy left the kitchen, trying to ignore the curious looks that followed him as he left. He cleaned up his trash can in his bedroom, then cleaned his whole room. 'If I keep doing stuff,' he reasoned as he did so, 'then it won't give my brain time to start freaking out. I can keep myself calm until patrol.' Anything was better than letting his brain freak out again.

— —

When they got to the Cave, Roy spent a couple minutes helping Mia with her archery while he set Connor to checking the equipment and filling the quivers.

"Hey, Roy?" Mia asked as she landed her fourth bullseye in a row. "When can I start going out?"

"Going out…you mean…patrol?" Roy replied.

"Yeah, of course! I mean, I'm shooting pretty good and it takes Connor a lot longer to wipe the floor with me when we spar. I know the maps and the trick arrows. When can I start doing some real stuff?"

'Kids you will gladly put in danger by giving them masks,' Kaldur's voice echoed in Roy's head. He swallowed a bout of nausea.

"I- I don't know," he said, trying to keep his voice from shaking. "I- I still haven't decided."

"Well, it'd make an awesome Christmas present. Just saying."

"Uh-huh…" Ry turned away and closed his eyes so he could focus on his breathing. Anything but the rising anxiety in his brain. 'Kaldur knows about them… He- He knows and now-' Roy shook his head and dug his nails into his palm. 'I- I can't think about that. I- I have to believe-' Believe what?! That the old Kaldur was still in there? That he wouldn't sell out Roy's kids to his father? Not tell him there were two, barely trained, brand-new child heroes, in Star City? Yeah, that was really likely considering how easily he'd triggered Roy's PTSD the night he- that night. 'Apparently, the crippling anxiety wants to join the anger and heartache. Fun.' Roy sighed and dug the heels of his palms into his eyes so hard he saw stars. "Connor, get ready for patrol. Mia, are you staying here while we're going?"

"You know it."

"Ok." Roy change into his suit, feeling slightly calmer when he was wearing it. Despite everything, there was something so comforting about being in his suit. Like he could take on anything the world decided to throw, as long as he was Red Arrow when it happened. Unfortunately, this newfound confidence lasted exactly one minute because it disappeared when he saw G- GA- Connor. The teen seemed oblivious to Roy as he secured his quiver to his back, then put his mask on. Red Arrow shook his head and closed his eyes for a second. 'It's ok… It's not Ollie… It's not Ollie… It's not…' Oliver or not, his brain didn't seem to want to be with the program. So, Red Arrow tried to bite back all of his emotions and focus on patrol. Just focus on getting through the patrol. "Let's go, kid."

"Bye, Mia," Green Arrow said as they left.

"Later, losers!" Mia called to them as drove out on Red Arrow's bike.

— —

Within a couple hours of starting patrol, it became apparent to Green Arrow that something was…off about Red Arrow. Granted, his mentor had been acting weird for over a week, but this was different. He hardly ever looked at his young partner, instead choosing to focus on whatever criminals they were attacking. But even stranger than that, he wasn't using Green Arrow's name. All night it was 'let's go, kid' or 'come on' or even 'hey!' (the last one yelled until Green Arrow realized it was him Red Arrow was talking to).

'Why isn't he saying my name?' Green Arrow wondered when it was close to the end of the night. 'I mean… I know it bothers him, but it's never been a problem like this before.' He could've let it go. Maybe he should've. It's what his mom or Master Jensen would've told him to do…but they weren't there. Neither of them was there and Roy was. He was there and he was Green Arrow's mentor/guardian and none of this was fair!

"We should probably start heading back to the bike, kid," Red Arrow said.

"Green Arrow." When his mentor's whole body flinched, then younger vigilante narrowed his eyes behind his mask and crossed his arms.

"…What?"

"That's my name. Green Arrow. You haven't said it all night."

"I'm sure I have…"

"No, you haven't. Don't try to lie to me, Red. I'm supposed to be your partner, so tell me what's going on."

"Nothing-"

"It's not nothing! Tell me!"

"No!"

"Come on, Red Arrow!"

Red Arrow closed his eyes and tried to block out the words. "No… Just- Just leave it alone!"

"Why?! Why should I leave it alone! You've been ignoring me all week! You can't even look at me and now you won't use my name! What is it?! Why are you like this?!"

"Because of him!" Red Arrow didn't mean to shout. But he was tired and stressed and anxious and heartbroken and Connor just would stop asking questions! "It's because of him, Connor!"

"…So it is about Oliver." Green Arrow closed his eyes for a moment, glad his mentor couldn't see the hurt in them. "You're such a hypocrite."

"What?"

"A hypocrite! You've spent the last year telling me I'm not like him!"

"G- Connor-"

"That it doesn't matter that we're related! But you can't even look at me! You can't even use my hero name!"

"Stop…"

"So which is it, Roy?! I am I like my father or aren't I?!"

"Stop! That's enough!" Red Arrow took a deep breath. "I don't need to explain myself to you! You don't know half of what I've been through, Connor!"

"Because you never tell me! Whenever I ask you say I don't need to know! But you'll tell Mia all the time-"

"I said enough! You- You're benched!"

"Benched?! Why?!"

"Because- Because I said so."

"But-"

"Let's go home."

Green Arrow blinked, then bit hard on the inside of his lip as he followed Red Arrow back to the bike.

— —

When they got home, Connor didn't talk to anyone. Not Roy. Not even Mia. He stayed silent and kept his head down until they were back in the apartment and in his bedroom. Hot tears spilled down his cheeks once he'd shut the door. 'Why is Roy being so unfair?!' he wondered as he threw himself down on the bottom bunk. 'I'm such an idiot. It's already obvious he doesn't want me here. At this point, I'm just giving him reasons to get rid of me.' Connor sat up and futilely wiped at his eyes. Then, before Mia could come in, he reached under the bed and grabbed his old backpack. The one he'd been carrying his stuff in when he and Roy first met. He went over to his dresser, then began pulling clothes out. He packed a change of clothes and a pair of pajamas. As well as the picture of him and his mom. 'There,' he thought as he zipped the bag closed and slid it under the bed to hide it. 'Now if he gets rid of me…at least I'll be prepared.'

Connor sniffed at sat on the floor, trying to wipe away his tears. But they just kept falling. 'I'll never not be Oliver Queen's son,' he thought miserably. 'Not to Roy at least. I'll never be free of that association. I probably won't even make it as a hero. Kaldur didn't and he had years of experience. Even he couldn't escape the fate of having an evil father.' Exhausted in more ways than one, Connor changed into his pajamas, then crawled un the covers. He pretended to be asleep when Mia came in, sensing her standing by his bed for a few seconds before moving. Connor kept his back to her as he muffled his sobs and tried to cry himself to sleep.

— —

Roy sat outside Connor and Mia's room, watching the door. Guilt gnawed at his stomach over what had happened patrol. It wasn't fair to take out his anxieties on Connor. It wasn't fair to associate this young boy with his horrible father. And Roy knew that. But he also knew that keeping Connor benched would keep him safe. He knew he would keep flinching when he looked at the teen too fast. That his code name would get stuck in Roy's throat and choke him.

He could apologize, but deep down Roy knew nothing would change.

So he sat outside their room all night, too afraid to sleep, wanting nothing more than to protect these kids he'd taken in.