Sorry it has been so long since I updated. Life has been hectic and it still continues to be but I'm trying to find time to sit down and write. I haven't forgotten my stories or my readers. I'm determined to finish them and continue to write, I just don't know how often I'll get to. This is for Daf-2724, your reviews motivated me to find time to sit down and write. I hope you guys like this chapter. Sorry if it sucks, I'm a little rusty lol.
Stephanie sighed as she unraveled the cord to her curling iron and plugged it in. Here she was supposed to be helping her friend get ready for a date but her mind was elsewhere. It had been a month since she last seen Paul and that was the night she took him to his hotel because he had been drunk. And even though it felt like forever ago, he was still constantly on her mind. Especially the kiss they shared, even though it had been short, it was almost as if she could still feel his lips pressed against hers. She really missed him. So much that she found herself picking up her phone almost about to dial his number when the sudden image of him and Charlotte in bed together popped into her head reminding her of why things were the way they were. Then she would sink back down into being miserable.
"Steph?" she heard her name being said and she looked into her the mirror of her vanity table where she could see Allie sitting on the bed behind her looking concerned.
"I'm sorry I spaced out for a minute" Stephanie said shaking her head when she realized she hadn't even turned on the curling iron after plugging it in. "What were you saying?"
"Well-"
"What do you think?" Melanie interrupted coming into the room in a little tight short black dress.
"You should probably change. It makes you look like you're easy and even though we know you are you don't want to let him know it" Allie said and Melanie flipped her off before turning to Stephanie.
"Don't listen to her. You look really good. You will have him eating out of the palm of your hand" Stephanie said to her and she smiled before sitting down at the vanity table.
"Well I don't know about that but there definitely will be some sucking on her end before the night is over" Allie replied grabbing the magazine she had brought and started flipping through it.
"If you hate me so much and think I'm that big of a whore then why set me up with this guy?" Melanie huffed and folded her arms while Stephanie checked the curling iron so she could curl Melanie's hair.
"Because he asked Daniel if I knew anybody fun, nice and single" Allie said pausing from flipping through the magazine to look at Melanie who was now smiling. "Don't feel too flattered. The first person that popped up in my head at the description was Steph but since she's…. anyway, you're the only other person I could think of. So, he's just going to have to settle."
Melanie narrowed her eyes at Allie but Allie ignored her and went back to flipping through her magazine. Stephanie just rolled her eyes and started curling Melanie's hair. She didn't get them. Half of the time they got along and did a lot of things together lately. Especially since Stephanie had been depressed and didn't want to leave the house most of the time. Then the other half of the time Allie would go back to treating Melanie like she did before they all had became friends again. It just wasn't as harsh as she used to be.
"Guess who I ran into today" Allie said looking from her magazine to Stephanie.
"Who?" Stephanie asked putting a piece of Melanie's hair in the curling iron.
"Paul" Allie replied and Stephanie stilled and looked back at her in the vanity mirror. There were so many questions she wanted to ask but at the same time it was like she couldn't open her mouth to speak.
"Steph, I think you're burning my hair" Melanie squeaked which brought Stephanie's attention immediately back to what she had been doing.
"Shit I'm sorry" Stephanie replied letting the strand of hair go. Thankfully it didn't look damaged but she could definitely smell burnt hair.
"Are you deliberately trying to make her burn my hair?" Melanie asked whipping around in her chair to face Allie.
"No. Not everything is about you Melanie. I just thought you should know Steph."
"Did you talk to him?" Stephanie asked while Melanie turned back towards the mirror and tried to inspect her hair for any damage.
"No" Allie replied "but he looked like he's miserable if that helps."
"It doesn't" Stephanie shook her head "where did you see him?"
"At the grocery store. I had to pick up a few things and I saw him shopping."
"For food?"
"What else is he going to shop for in a grocery store Steph?" Allie asked with a small laugh.
"It's just that he's been living in a hotel. Well from what I knew last he was. It doesn't make sense for him to shop for food" Stephanie replied but Allie just shrugged.
"Does my hair look okay like this?" Melanie asked turning back towards Allie. "Because no offense Steph but you're not touching my hair again."
"It doesn't matter. He's probably not even going to look even once at your hair because he's going to be too busy staring at something else" Allie replied pointing to Melanie's chest where her dress was so low cut in the front that it looked like her boobs were going to pop out. "He probably won't even look from the neck up."
"Ugh" Melanie rolled her eyes and got up from the chair and stormed out of the bedroom while Allie laughed.
"Why are you being so hard on her?" Stephanie asked sitting down on the bed beside of Allie.
"I just like giving her a hard time sometimes" Allie shrugged.
"Come on. Seriously why?" Stephanie asked as Allie sighed.
"It's just that we all have been spending a lot of time together since she apologized and I don't want her thinking that just because we're all friends again that I completely trust her. Because I'm still not over a lot of things that happened back then and I don't want to let my guard down and her fuck us over again."
"I get it."
"Plus, it's kind of funny when she gets all worked up like that. I don't think there will be a time in our friendship where I'm not giving her a hard time over something. It's just the way mine and her friendship goes sometimes" Allie shrugged "and she knows I don't mean anything by it."
"She seems nervous about this date."
"She is and honestly most of what I've been saying to her tonight is to get her mind off of the nerves. Because she has nothing to worry about, her and Wesley are going to hit it off. He's pretty perfect for her. Are you sure you don't want to go with us tonight?"
"And be the third wheel?" Stephanie asked arching her eyebrow "well technically fifth wheel since it's a double date. No thanks."
"You know I'd never let you feel like that."
"I know. I just don't feel like going out."
"That's what you've been saying a lot Steph" Allie replied and Stephanie looked away and sighed. "You need to get back out there. I'm not saying you need to go out there and jump back into dating but you at least need to step out of the house instead of locking yourself in your bedroom most of the time. If you truly want to move on from Paul then you need to start actually trying. And if you don't want to then you need to find a way to forgive him."
"I am trying. You make it sound like I don't want to or maybe that you don't think I should. Which is it?"
"Both maybe. I don't know Steph. I think maybe I acted irrationally when you told me what happened and I went off on him. Because when I seen him today Steph he just didn't look like himself, he's completely miserable."
"Who's side on you on?"
"Yours. I'm always on yours. I'm just trying to tell you if you don't want to move on then that's fine. I'm not going to be upset with you if you want to get back with him. It's none of my business or anyone else's if you want to. Anyway, if you want my honest opinion I've had time to think about it and I'm not sure he cheated on you with her. It doesn't sound like him. He's been completely about you since I met him and Charlotte has been nothing but conniving and a bitch to get her way. I mean he stayed here to get away from her and he was going to start looking for a new place to live so he wouldn't have to be around her and Shane. So, it doesn't make sense for him to cheat on you with the very person he's trying to get away from. After seeing him today too it really makes me believe he didn't from seeing how miserable is. If he wanted Charlotte and not you then why isn't he with her now?"
"Well maybe he just wanted to fuck her" Stephanie scoffed getting up from the bed. "If it were you and you caught Daniel in the bed with some other woman would you believe him? Would you feel the same way?"
"I don't know" Allie shrugged. "I can't say until I've been in that situation. I'm just trying to tell you my perspective on things."
"It doesn't really help" Stephanie muttered as she walked back over to her vanity table.
"I'm sorry. I'm just trying to help. I hate seeing you like this" Allie replied going over to and hugging her.
"I hate feeling like this" Stephanie sniffed trying to hold back her tears. It seemed like that's all she seemed to do anymore was cry. "I just don't know what to do. I'm miserable without him but I don't know if I could forgive him."
She thought that wanting him and not ever being able to have him when she was younger was the hardest thing. But she had been wrong. The hardest thing was actually getting to have him and then losing him.
"I know. You're the only one that can figure that out, I thought I could try to help though. I don't want to make you more upset."
"It's fine. I know you're just trying to be a good friend" Stephanie replied breaking away from the hug and wiping away her tears.
"So, we're okay?"
"Yeah you know we are" Stephanie gave a small smile to her.
"I'd better get going. Melanie is probably sitting in the car pissed off because of what I said and I'll need to get her calmed down by the time we get to my house. Wesley should be there with Daniel waiting for us to go to dinner. Are you sure you don't want to come?"
"I'm sure" Stephanie nodded her head as Allie gave her a small smile before going over to the bed and grabbing her purse and magazine.
"Okay. If you need anything just call or text me. We'll have lunch tomorrow and I'll tell you everything about the date."
"Have fun" Stephanie said and gave a wave to Allie as she left the bedroom.
Stephanie went over to her bed and flopped down on it with a loud sigh as she rubbed her temples. She hadn't expected the conversation about Paul but it really had her thinking. Allie was right, she needed to either move on or forgive him and try to work things out. The only problem was she didn't know which one it was. Every time she thought about going back to him the images of him and Charlotte in his bed haunted her. But the thought of moving on with her life made her feel empty. Without him she just felt empty and she wasn't sure if it was because she was used to him being her life or if her heart was just unable to let him go.
The next day Stephanie couldn't wipe the smile off of her face when she woke up. The conversation the night before with Allie had her thinking all night until she dozed off to sleep. Her decision had been made and she felt lighter as she showered and ate breakfast that morning. She hoped she was making the right one in the end. It was time for her start living again instead of feeling like she was just existing. A part of her was a little nervous but Allie had been right about her not leaving her house or doing anything anymore and she was tired of being that person. Hopefully her friends would support her. Even though Allie had said she would, she was still nervous about telling her but excited at the same time.
"Where are you off to in such a hurry?" Linda asked as Stephanie almost bumped into her on her way out of the house.
"I'm going to meet Allie and Melanie for lunch" Stephanie said with a smile. She didn't mean to be in such a hurry but she had been waiting for hours excited for time for her lunch with her friends.
"You seem happy today" Linda smiled "hopefully that means things are looking up for you."
"They are. I'll tell you all about it later" Stephanie replied turning for the driveway to her car.
"Okay. You can tell me about it at dinner tonight. I've invited Shane too."
"Okay" Stephanie called before getting in her car. Hearing that Shane was going to be coming to dinner kind of brought down her mood a little. They were not getting along because of Charlotte and she thought he was an idiot to have let her stay in his apartment even for a week. He should have just kicked her out and not gave a damn but hopefully she was gone now. She wasn't sure since she hadn't talk to him because all they had been doing was fighting. The last time she had talked to him or actually fought with him was the night Paul showed up drunk at Shane's apartment. So, Charlotte should definitely be gone by now but it wouldn't surprise her if Shane continued to let her stay. She guessed she would find out later at dinner. She didn't really want to think about it and bring her mood down and she was also distracted from her thoughts by her phone starting to ring.
"Hello" Stephanie answered once she stopped at a red light.
"Hey where are you?" She heard her best friend Allie ask.
"I'm almost there."
"How close are you time wise?"
"Five minutes maybe" Stephanie gave a small laugh with how anxious Allie seemed for her to get there. "Did something happen last night on the date that you just can't wait to tell me?"
"You caught me" Allie gave a nervous laugh.
"I'll be there soon."
"Okay take your time. We'll be patiently waiting."
"Yeah sounds like it. I'll see you soon" Stephanie replied before hanging up. At first, she thought Allie was just excited about something but now she felt like something was off. But she just shrugged it off as she started driving again and before long she was parking her car at the restaurant they had agreed upon.
When she had made it to the door to go inside, the door opened as someone started to come out. She stilled when her eyes met a familiar pair of brown eyes. Her heart started erratically beating at just the sight of him. Allie had been right about him looking miserable. He had bags underneath his eyes where she guessed he hadn't been sleeping well. His beard was thicker and grown out longer, it was like he could care less about his appearance.
"Hey" Paul said causing the little butterflies in her stomach to go crazy. It felt it had been forever since she heard his voice and it seemed no matter how long it had been since she seen him, he always gave her butterflies.
"Hey" Stephanie replied before clearing her throat and ducking her head. The intensity of his stare on her had her face warming up and she needed to look anywhere but at his face. Her gaze landed on his hands instead where she noticed he was carrying two bags of food. Which gave her a sinking feeling in her stomach. She knew the man could eat and he loved food but she knew it wasn't all for him. Had he already moved on? Was he here getting them food? She didn't like all the emotions she was suddenly feeling.
"I got a new apartment" Paul said breaking her thoughts.
"That's great" Stephanie replied forcing a smile as she looked up at him.
"Yeah it's actually not far from here" Paul replied looking towards the direction she guessed his apartment was near. "Would you uh… want to come see it?"
"Oh, um I'm actually hear to meet Allie and Melanie for lunch" Stephanie replied and Paul just nodded at her words.
"It wouldn't take long" Paul replied stepping closer to her. His eyes pleading for her to say yes.
"Okay. Just let me go let them know. I'll be right back." Paul nodded his head before she made her way into the restaurant. She was thinking she must be crazy to go but with the way he looked at her she couldn't say no. She didn't know what to do if she got there and there was a woman there.
"I just ran into Paul" Stephanie said coming up to Allie and Melanie's table. Allie winced and put her drink down.
"I'm sorry. I thought maybe he would be gone by the time you got here" Allie replied with an apologetic look.
"That's why you were calling?"
"Yeah. I didn't want you to have to see him and get depressed."
"It's fine" Stephanie sighed. "He wants me to go see his new apartment and I said yes."
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Melanie asked with a concerned look.
"I don't know."
"Do you want us to come with you?" Allie asked and Stephanie shook her head.
"No, I'll be fine. Just go ahead and order and I'll be back soon."
Stephanie followed behind Paul as they made their way down the hall in the apartment building. It really hadn't been that far from the restaurant and it looked really nice from what she had seen so far. Every once in a while, Paul would like behind at her as they made their way down the hall. It was like he wanted her opinion on what she had seen so far but he never asked so she kept quiet.
"Ignore the mess. I just started moving in yesterday" Paul said as they stopped at his door and he unlocked it. Then he pushed the door open and she followed in behind him.
The first thing she noticed was a couple of boxes pushed up against the wall by the door and then a couch in the middle of the room with more boxes surrounding it. She noticed he didn't have a television yet or a coffee table. He really didn't have anything in the living room but the couch and boxes. Sunlight streamed in from two big windows in the living room providing enough light that he didn't even need to turn on any lights as he walked to the kitchen area. The apartment didn't look huge but it looked nicer than the one he and Shane shared before and it was probably the same size.
"What do you think?" Paul asked putting the food he ordered on the kitchen counter as she came into the kitchen.
"It's really nice" Stephanie replied with a smile.
"Do you want to see my bedroom?" Paul asked his voice going low and flirty making her face warm again.
"No that's okay" Stephanie shook her head.
"Its got its own bathroom."
"So, do you have two bedrooms and two bathrooms?" Stephanie asked trying to get off the topic of going to his bedroom.
"Yeah. The second bedroom will end up being Shawn's for when he comes to visit" Paul replied leaning against the counter. "How are you?"
"I'm okay" Stephanie said with a shrug. "How are you?"
"Not the best. But I got my own apartment so things are getting a little better I guess."
"That's good. Things are looking a little better for me too. I uh… haven't told anyone yet. I was actually going tell Allie and Melanie at lunch but I decided I'm going to go back to school" Stephanie pushed her hair behind her ears as Paul stared at the floor motionless.
"In Boston?" Paul asked still staring at the floor.
"Yeah. I'm going to move back soon and get ready for the next semester" Stephanie replied as Paul looked over at her, his face full of pain.
"So, that's it? We're really over?" Paul asked moving closer to her.
"Paul- "
"Can't we just try and put all this shit behind us and try again? Because there is no proof that nothing happened between Charlotte and I. Believe me, I tried to get it" Paul ran his hand over the top of his head while she tried to figure out what he meant by him saying he tried to get proof. "Can you just try to forgive me Steph and I'll promise I'll never let something like this happen again. I'll never put myself in a situation that will make you doubt me or hurt you ever again."
"I don't know" Stephanie shook her head before Paul cupped her face in his hands.
"Please forgive me" Paul pleaded as she felt her eyes starting to tear up. She didn't know what to say, she didn't know if she could forgive him. It's the reason she had decided to go back to school. It was a step in trying to move on with her life and start living again.
She swallowed thickly and tried to get her mouth to open and say something but she was interrupted by the sound of the apartment door opening and closing. That's when she realized she had been right earlier about the food he ordered being for two people. She didn't understand why he was standing here begging her for another chance when he was seeing someone. But she did know she needed to get the hell out of there.
"Where are you?" Stephanie heard a male voice ask as Paul let his hands fall away from her face.
"In the kitchen" Paul called back to the voice. Stephanie heard footsteps coming their way as Paul stepped away from her and seconds later she found out the voice belonged to Shawn.
"Oh, hey Steph" Shawn greeted her looking surprised to see her.
"Hey Shawn" Stephanie smiled at him before looking over to Paul who was getting the food he ordered out of the bags and putting them down on the counter.
"I ordered us food so we can scarf it down and go get the rest of my stuff moved in" Paul said and Stephanie could tell he was upset. He wouldn't even glance at her.
"So, will I be seeing you around here when I'm in town?" Shawn asked her as he walked over to the counter where the food was.
"No" Paul responded before she even had a chance to say anything.
"Okay then" Shawn replied awkwardly.
"I should get going. The apartment is nice Paul, thanks for showing it to me. It was nice seeing you Shawn" Stephanie said knowing it was time to leave before things became even more awkward.
"Nice to see you too" Shawn replied as she made her way out of the kitchen. Once she was out of the kitchen she hurried out of the apartment. She was halfway down the hall when she heard her name called.
She turned around to see Paul closing the door to his apartment before making his way down the hall to her.
"I just wanted to say good luck with school. I don't want to leave things the way we did back there" Paul said shaking his head "I hope… I hope you find what you're looking for Steph. I hope you get everything you want because you deserve it. I hope…. One day you find a man who deserves you."
"Paul you're acting like we'll never see each other again. We can try to be friends again."
"I can't be your friend Steph. I can't just talk to you without wanting to touch you or kiss you. I definitely can't watch you move on with your life or meet the guy who gets to be with you. I can't watch you two be happy together while I'm just the friend kicking himself in the ass everyday because I lost the best thing that happened to me. I know that's selfish but I can't help it. I love you and I will always love you. I'm sorry for everything." Before she could say anything or try to take everything in that he had said he leaned down and kissed her. It wasn't a long kiss but it wasn't quick either. "Goodbye Steph."
Then he turned and walked away leaving her feeling stunned. She touched her lips where he had kissed her as tears started to spill down her cheeks. If moving on was what she wanted and what she thought was best then why did it hurt so much? Maybe it was because she thought they could at least be friends and he'd still be a part of her life somehow before that speech he gave her and that kiss that made things feel final between them. It left her feeling really confused considering how he had kept saying he wasn't going to give up on them just last month. But how could she blame him for giving up now though especially after telling him she was moving on.
She couldn't so instead she wiped away her tears and choked back a sob as she turned around to leave knowing it was the end. It really was over.
