Sorry for delaying this one to hell. It's here now though!
It was silent in his room. He was drowning it out the way he typically did - loud, flashy metal music. He was vaguely aware of what was happening outside his own little world.
Madelyn had invited him to move in with her around two months ago. It'd been her solution to the fact that they weren't with each other, and they both felt their relationship failing because of that. At least, Bonnie thought it was just failing. Madelyn thought it was over.
She'd figured that Bonnie would forget and move on in time. Even though her parting words were to "Never forget," her when the future took its hold, she would've honestly preferred he forgot. That would've opened up her door to not worry about finding other guys. But alas, he didn't forget.
Maybe she forgot who she was dealing with. It's not that she didn't want him there, it was just that she figured he'd finally get the strength to find someone else. They each thought the other deserved better, but that always seemed to be a problem with pretty much any relationship.
She knew she was probably a terrible girlfriend for not just being totally transparent and talking to him in the first place, but that was a decision she couldn't change now.
Meanwhile, he spent his time in his room, on his phone. Alone. He knew she had so many things to worry about other than him. She was trying to get her G.E.D., trying to get colleges to accept her in, finish it all out. He played the idea out for himself in his head, but brushed off the idea because he wasn't ready.
Life wasn't something he was so eager to get started on. If he could delay it as long as possible, he'd take that chance. He had to have control of his emotions if he wanted to be an adult, which he surely didn't have.
But he couldn't help but get an off feeling. Every time he'd show his face downstairs, Francis would turn sour. It was so obvious that the redhead didn't want him around, but Bonnie would lose his ability to breathe without Madelyn.
They tried to break up, but Bonnie called her after he broke down the next night. He blubbered on about how he couldn't get his head straight because it felt like his fault, the sort of thing she'd come to know him for. He somewhat regretted not gritting his teeth and taking the punch, but he was not just suffering inside. He was dying. She had become his everything, the only thing on his mind day and night.
The way her lips tasted, how warm she was, the way her body felt against his…. He couldn't be with anyone else. Not that they'd even want him, he thought of himself as worthless. He was scrawny, pale, and weak. He was a pathetic excuse for a human, and yet Madelyn had somehow found it in her love to him. He had to hold to that for as long as he could.
Maybe he was pulling her down, dragging her into the mud with him. That thought made him start to cry. The tears rolled slowly and silently down his cheeks. Not that it mattered, because he kept the lights off. He took out his earbuds, sliding down on the bed. He looked to the digital clock hung above the door glowing red numbers indicated that it had just hit eleven.
The creak of the staircase filled his ears as he felt a presence come closer, then suddenly come to a stop. He assumed it was Francis, as he stopped about where Madelyn's room was. He wondered what he was there to talk about. If it were something bothering her, wouldn't she come to him first? They were supposed to be the ones to rely on each other after all. Even if she didn't love him as much as she once did.
He stood quickly and pressed his ear to the wall. He knew it was a horrid thing to do, but he needed to know what was going on. He didn't want to fade away from them and have nowhere else to go. He was on his own in the world without her.
"So I wanted to talk to you about your boyfriend," the redhead's voice rang, hushed and low, "because he seems to be distracting you more than before he came around. I was thinking that maybe inviting him to live with us was a bad idea."
"How do you think he's distracting me? Nothing's changed since he's been here, I'm still trying to put out just as many applications as before, it's just become a lot harder as less and less colleges are in my reach. And even then, the only difference is that at times we decide to spend time together, or just do the kinda things couples do. I don't know what you're on."
"Hold your hostility. You seem a lot more on-edge lately, and I can see it in your eyes. It all started when he moved in, or just before. And that outburst is more than enough to convince me I'm right. I think we need to kick him out before he brings you down."
"First of all, it wasn't an outburst you drama queen. Second, I'm not gonna do that to him. He doesn't have anywhere else to go. He'll end up on the streets and end up either starving or freezing to death because he's got no job skills or anything. Not to mention, I brought him here to keep an eye on him; make sure he doesn't end up at his own gunpoint."
"Why should you have to make the commitment to him?"
"I was the first and so far the only person that's made him feel like he's worth something. His parents never considered what he wanted, always taking over his sign-ups and registrations for him, and trying to tailor him to a career path he didn't want. He never had any friends because he was always among people who were after different lives, he stuck out like a sore thumb. He was always such an outcast, and I know exactly how that feels."
"There will always be more people out there in the future for him to reach out to."
"He's a special case. His head is so cloudy, I think it's hard for him to find anyone else who's willing to commit to the kind of devotion it'd take to help him. I wish he could find someone new, but I know it'd be hard for him. I need to keep him close because— even if I one day stopped totally loving him, he'd still need me. He'd need me because I've been his only real friend for three years. And I know how it feels to be so alone in the world."
Francis sighed and said flippantly, "He needs to go. You're trying to do better for your own future, and he'll only drag you down more as life goes on. If he dies, he dies. That's just how life goes sometimes."
"That's so heartless, Francis. He's staying here, because I don't want to see him end up like that. He doesn't deserve that. He's done nothing to deserve such a cruel fate. I'm sorry he doesn't quite fit the type of person you think I should be dating, but that's the reality we live in."
"I'm not arguing the point. Kick him out."
Bonnie had a hard time making out their muffled voices after that as he retreated into his own head. He couldn't fathom what the future would hold for him if he couldn't continue to stay here. He couldn't believe how awful of a person Francis was. It hurt him to hear that the redhead couldn't care less if he lived or died, but to see him telling Madelyn to lead him to his own doom was something else.
It wasn't long before he heard a knock on the door, and he took his time to answer it. He made sure to put enough weight on the floor the make the wood creak. He wasn't sure how to approach the situation because Madelyn probably knew he overheard what happened.
He opened the door slowly, giving Madelyn a tired and blank stare. He knew it was her because Francis never had reason to come up to his room. She looked like she'd seen a ghost; pale and fearful. He didn't know where to begin, and hoped she spoke first.
She wrapped her arms around him, and he returned the embrace.
"I know you heard him," she whispered.
"Let's not talk about that right now," he replied.
The two of them were each near tears, because the knew they weren't quite ready to let go. Especially Bonnie. The last thing he needed was to be split from her, mainly because of her trying to use his situation as a defence reminded him of how things were. It was his fault for listening in, but he couldn't help it. He didn't want to leave.
He heard the creaking of the steps as Francis made his way back upstairs for some reason. He heard the footsteps grow louder, and he held Madelyn more tightly as they did. He felt a tug, and he tried to hold on. But he felt Madelyn be ripped from him. He felt cold, and it felt like slow motion as he fell to the floor.
He awoke in a cold sweat, gasping for breath as he sat up. Part of that dream did happen earlier, but that's what made it seem so real. But instead of standing there remaining silent, they talked about it. The rest was thankfully just a nightmare, because the reality he saw was one he feared more than anything. He didn't want to end up cold and alone on the floor. He couldn't live like that.
He shivered, realising he was shirtless. Why did he even bother taking it off? It did nothing for him. He took hold of his upper arms, trying to remind himself that he was real and everything before that was just a nightmare. But he was still afraid either way.
Why did Francis hate him? What did he do? He wanted to know so he could stay. He would go insane, because he couldn't bring himself to go to college, much less hold a job to pay rent or things like that. At least not yet.
He noticed he was crying, the moisture on his cheeks being more than sweat. He had to learn how to control himself, because he knew he couldn't rely on Madelyn forever. No matter how much he wanted to. There would come a time when she couldn't keep the relationship going, and he knew that. Their time together wouldn't last because he was part of the picture.
He sighed and tried to turn over and go back to sleep. But his mind kept sprinting, keeping him wide awake. He wanted to get up and ask questions, but it would be a fruitless effort. He didn't know when he eventually did fall asleep, but somehow he did. He awoke the next morning with a massive headache. He heard a knock at the door, and called for Madelyn to come in.
Of course it was her. He knew it was her. It couldn't have been anyone else.
She attempted to smile before she greeted him. "Morning Bonnie. I hope you were able to sleep last night off. I know I wasn't."
"I guess maybe I did. I woke up halfway through having had a nightmare about it, but slept through the rest of the night no problem. I just— I don't understand it."
"I don't either. Especially for him, someone who has openly had sex with his boyfriend on the living room couch."
Bonnie snort-laughed. "He may be jealous because sex on the living room couch is the only thing holding his relationship together. That's pretty sad, but it's hard to be sympathetic. If he doesn't care if I live or die, why should I care if his relationship is failing?"
"You could be onto something with that. They haven't talked in a couple weeks from what I know. But, I've been meaning to sorta talk to you about that whole thing… and I don't know how to put it without hurting you."
"Just tell me. I'd rather hear the brutal truth of reality than be lied to just to be kept happy."
Madelyn sighed, hesitating before she spoke. "I'm not happy with us. Not saying it's the fault of either one of us, I just don't think this relationship is being very fulfilling."
"I've been trying to stay away just so you can keep your focus on what matters, and that could be the problem. All I know is, I'm not ready to lose you. At least not yet. I'm still kinda mentally recovering from you and Freddy two years ago, on top of that conversation we had the night I almost took myself out."
"Yeah, I sorta get that. I just don't get why you're still on the Freddy thing. I liked you better anyways, I told you that."
"I dunno, I just— it sorta left a deeper wound than you'd think. Two years later, I should've been more healed by any normal circumstances. But given the situation, it cut right past my heart and wounded my soul."
"I guess I just sorta let it slip my mind. Which, we should also talk about that. You never really elaborated on why you can't go home. Why you don't want to try to get your G.E.D., why you ran away and dropped out in the first place. You know why I dropped out."
"I suppose I should tell you what that's about. I told you how my parents are so awful. You know how I've always wanted to be a musician, right? The thrill of being onstage and just playing songs that I've spent so long on, thousands upon thousands of people all getting together to enjoy that… it'd finally give me a sense of purpose. A feeling that I matter to the world."
"Yeah…."
"Well, my parents weren't all too happy about that idea. The cancelled my guitar lessons, and took my guitar itself away on weekdays. I'd kinda stopped studying, and was going from an A-B-average student to a more B-C-average student. That didn't really change once they tried to set me 'right,' in their eyes. It only made things worse, because on top of the stress I was unhappy. But they got more strict, eventually trying to take away the notebook that I hold so closely. I just couldn't take it anymore. Once I turned sixteen, I dropped out, snatched my guitar up, and ran like hell. I lived on the streets for a bit, but I eventually found the pizzeria. And I'm sure you know the rest."
"That's— honestly kinda fucked up of your parents. I can understand worrying about you, but trying to take away what you loved just so you'd focus more. That's a fucked up way to parent."
"They weren't the greatest parents to begin with. They always fought, my dad was rarely around, my mom was always under the influence of something. I was honestly raised by my older brother, who was only like six years older than I was. He was the only one who understood the hell in my heart and head before you. But I never really got to talk to him once he headed off to college."
"I just— I can't imagine that world. I've said countless amounts of times before that I'd take parents that didn't know how to parent over being an orphan, but now I regret it. Because you had terrible parents, and it sounds like it was hell on Earth."
"I've learned to live with it. There's nothing I could've done other than leave. I'm happy I ended up making that decision because it's unbelievably freeing. I finally feel like I'm getting what I never would've if I'd stayed."
"Well, I'm at least glad to hear that much. I guess we do kinda need to address the issue at hand, though."
"I don't really want to, but I know we can't ignore it. I wonder how we would go about rectifying the situation, because I've been staying out of the way, learning to care for myself, getting over my insecurities, all so I don't have to bother you. Any logical person would see that I'm anything but distracting."
"You're honestly right, and I think the three of us need to sit down and talk about it, to understand where everyone's coming from. We rarely have nights where we go on a date, or even get more intimate. I can't remember the last time we even slept in the same bed."
"I think the night before you left was the last time. Which was a few months ago, because it was a week after my nineteenth birthday. But that's better for our case."
"I guess so. But remembering your whole meltdown, wasn't that something you mentioned? Well either way, I hated hearing you like that, because I felt powerless to help you in that moment. I felt like there was nothing I could do."
"I just couldn't tell if you were being honest with me, or if you were saving my feelings." Bonnie pressed his nose against Madelyn's, taking hold of her hand. "And I can't help but want you to just go after what you want. If I don't fall into that category, I would at least feel better because you're being honest."
He kissed her, the taste of her lips allowing him to truly find the strength to focus. After a few moments, he pulled away. Madelyn whispered to him, holding back tears, "What're we gonna do about this?"
"I guess I've been avoiding that one. I don't know what we can do, maybe your idea of talking to him is probably the extent of what we can reasonably do."
"Then let's wait until he gets back and sit him down to talk. Because the last thing I'm doing is letting go of you, I at least have the heart to keep you where I know you're gonna be okay."
As silence fell over them, their lips met again, and Madelyn let out a quiet moan as they started getting into it. This was something she missed, staying alone in a room with Bonnie just to taste his lips. It was a euphoric feeling. Bonnie had likewise thoughts. He didn't miss just her lips though, he longed and sought for them. He'd love for this to be every hour of every day, because he knew no other feeling that was greater than the passion that came out in their time alone.
He took hold of both of her hands, holding them out to the side and holding them carefully. They were so small, soft, and fragile. They felt so right in his own for some reason, as if they were the perfect puzzle pieces that completed the puzzle of life. Silence was all they needed as they continued back and forth, switching who dominated the kiss before coming up for air each time.
Eventually Madelyn pushed Bonnie onto his back, getting on top of him. She held his cheeks as she continued to press her lips to his. His hands found their way to the back of her head, running his hands through the short, white strands that looked so good on her. He felt her cool hands running up his shirt, and he smirked at her.
"I thought we decided we were just making out," he whispered to her.
"I never said anything about that," she teased, "we never even talked about it. But just because I want that shirt off doesn't mean it's gonna go farther than that."
"I guess so, it just felt like you were headed there."
Madelyn giggled. "I kinda was. I miss it, Bonnie. The first time was so amazing, sharing such a personal moment with you. I know it sounds dumb, but that felt like something more than it was to me, that was what we did to show that we were truly comfortable with each other."
"I guess you're right, but— after that night, I'm kinda not ready for it again, if I'm honest."
"I understand. Just know that I want it because I love you, you're the one who made it great. If it was anyone else, it wouldn't've been worth my time."
"I love you Madelyn, and to hear you say that means the world."
"I love you too Bonnie, I never want you to forget that. There will always be a part of me that does even if we do split."
"I guess that's comforting. I'd rather we didn't split in the first place, but I guess I wouldn't be able to stop you. If you didn't want me anymore, I'd hope more than anything you'd just tell me."
"I always try to be transparent with you Bonnie. I don't want to lead you on, because I know if you were to find out you'll be more heartbroken than if I just came out with it."
"I'm glad I can trust you with that. I know enough about the world to know for sure that people would lie to me, tell me everything's okay when it's not."
"Yeah. That's unfortunately the world we live in."
Madelyn leaned in and kissed his cheek, before getting off of him and curling up beside him. She didn't say anything, but he knew what she wanted. He pulled her closer, cuddling her.
But he couldn't help but start thinking, though. What if things weren't the way Madelyn was trying to pass them off? What if she was already lying to him, telling him she wasn't? He knew he was overthinking it, but he felt like something was as it shouldn't be. Maybe it was her brother's words haunting him.
"Remember when I had purple hair?" he asked. "Like, back when we first met, and I had that putrid purple as my hair colour?"
"I kinda do. That was before I dyed my red hair to white. I really didn't like that, and I feel like people respect me more now. It's so weird to me, but I guess it doesn't really matter all that much."
"Oh yeah. I thought you were kinda cute with your red hair. I never had the confidence to tell you at the time."
"Well now you're stuck with white-haired Madelyn."
"You look cute either way. I couldn't choose which one I like better."
"I can tell you I like the blue and white style better than the purple style. What's your natural colour?"
"Blonde. I really hated blonde-haired me."
"You'll have to show me some pictures of you like that, because now I wonder."
"Of course you do. And you'll keep wondering."
The two went on for hours, aimless conversation making each new hour fade away in a moment. They were waiting on Francis to get home, in order to try and convince him that Bonnie was okay right where he was. There was no reason to get rid of him.
By the time he did get home, though, the two were asleep. He called up to Madelyn to let her know, but received no reply. He called again in vain. He raised an eyebrow, knowing she normally had a snarky comment to fire back before going about her day again.
He ascended the creaky wooden steps of the house, finding that she wasn't even in her room. The door to Bonnie's room was closed, and he wondered if he even dared to enter. He knew Madelyn told him every last word he'd said about Bonnie, but he still meant it. He had an off feeling about the boy.
Against his better judgement, he opened the door to what used to be their empty guest room to find Madelyn curled up and asleep with Bonnie. His face fell into an expression of frustration as he grumbled, "If only she'd learn to listen."
She had her arms around him, her head pressed against his chest. Francis dared to wake her, because he needed to remind her that he told her so. He lightly shook her and she groaned. He shook her again, this time with a bit more force, and she groggily sat up. She shook Bonnie as well, and he rose next to her. Francis simply stood there with his arms crossed.
"What'd I say? He's a distraction to you," Francis said, obviously a bit ticked.
"It's Saturday Francis, chill out. He's not hurting anything," she said in defence of the boy sat next to her. "We need to talk anyways so why don't you have a seat?"
Francis rolled his eyes. "There's nothing left to talk about. He needs to leave."
"What leads you to believe he's hurting anything? He's innocent to whatever crime you claim him guilty, because he's done nothing."
"Wait, Francis, what's you guys' last name again?" Bonnie asked, still somewhat drunk from sleep.
"Foxworth? Wh—"
"You dated my brother. You cheated on him, he caught you with some brunet he didn't know. Benjamin Lapin, ring a bell to you?"
"F-fuck," Francis muttered, "you're right."
"I remembered because me and Madelyn were talking about things, and my brother came up. I remember him coming home one holiday, and we asked where his boyfriend was. He excused himself from the table, but I followed him. My fifteen-year-old self couldn't help but be curious as to why his boyfriend didn't show his face. So before you think about kicking me out, think about how devastated he was. Remember the face he gave you when he caught you having sex with someone else."
Francis was left speechless, remembering what happened when he got back to Benjamin's dorm last night. He got kneed hard in the crotch, but he supposed he deserved it. Because he decided it was a good idea to even risk the relationship for his own go. He got caught when he shouldn't have strayed to begin with.
He thought about what he could say, but there wasn't much. He was backed into a corner, and had no clue how Bonnie connected the dots the way he did. Perhaps the kid was smarter than the ginger gave him credit for. What a limb to go out on, and still come to the correct conclusion. He was more impressed than anything.
"F-fine. You can stay, and— if you see him again, tell Benjamin I'm sorry, and that I want him back. I regret every decision I made, and I deserve to suffer a fate far worse than what he gave me, and he showed me mercy. It's unbelievable, and I hope he can be reasonable."
"You're lucky he was essentially the one who taught me morals. If it'd been my parents, I wouldn't be accepting your apology for the things you said."
The corner of Francis' mouth tilted up, rolling his eyes playfully. "You're just like him, I'm now realising. I don't know how I didn't see it before."
Francis wandered out of the room, and Madelyn was left just as speechless as her brother.
"How the hell did you put that together?" she asked. "So many variables you just… clicked together somehow."
"I dunno, I just sorta had a lucky guess I suppose. But us talking about it, that sorta jogged my memory," he answered. "I surprised myself a bit, to be honest. I didn't expect to get it right. But don't tell Francis I haven't been in contact with him for about five years or so. Haven't seen him since that family gathering."
"That's both sad and funny at the same time."
"Laugh if you want, it doesn't really matter to me. I miss him, yeah, but he's got shit to focus on, and I gotta evade being taken home, so it works out. What I'm surprised about is the fact that I haven't been found out yet. I guess I shouldn't be, not like me not being there is negatively affect anyone."
"What will your brother think when he finally returns?"
"Probably won't care too much. We had a bit of a falling-out when he left. He wasn't around to give me advice, and he was never available to just talk either. He had a job, or college, or a boyfriend, or something else to worry about. I can respect that, but I just sorta stopped asking him for help, tried being more independent. I suppose you can see how that worked out."
"Teenagers make stupid decisions. Not that I think getting away was a bad decision, I wouldn't have met you if you hadn't. Which would be a crying shame because I wouldn't have me one of the cutest, funniest people I've ever met."
"Shush you, it wouldn't have made that much of a difference and you know it."
"Oh, but it would've. If you hadn't come into my life, I couldn't sit here and talk to you. Maybe I wouldn't have even met the waiter who turned out to be my brother in the first place. I probably would've never come back to this house that I don't remember, yet am still attached to, if it weren't for you."
"I-I mean I guess? I think you'd just be in the situation with another guy, to be honest. Freddy, maybe one of the numerous other guys you've met along your life. And again, being honest, I think you would've been much happier."
"Not this, Bonnie. We're being happy right now. No shaming yourself right now."
The blue-headed boy chuckled, playfully rolling his eyes before he placed his right hand on Madelyn's back. She snuggled his chest, and he pressed his forehead to her head, whispering, "It's who I am," with a playful smile at his lips.
"No, shush. I want you to be happy. That's why I brought you here. I love you, that's why I want you to be happy. Shut your mouth, I'm enjoying the moment."
Bonnie couldn't help but laugh at the way she was speaking, and made herself giggle a bit. There was clear love between them, and they didn't know how they'd live without one another. It was unthinkable at this point.
He kissed her forehead whispering, "I love you, Madelyn."
She replied quietly with, "I love you more, Bonnie."
"Your call could not be processed at this time. Please leave a message after the tone."
"Um— Hey, Ben. It's me, Francis. This is probably the thousandth time I called, and the thousandth time you'll ignore it and send it straight to the trash. But a guy can hope, right? Heh. I just wanted to say for the millionth time, I'm so goddamn sorry. I— I messed up, and I fully admit that. I wanted to bolster my own ego, instead of just being happy with you. Now that you're gone, I— I realise just how much I need you. I miss those nights where I'd feel your lips against my neck, just before we'd fall asleep together.
"I guess another thing you should know, I managed to pick up your brother. He and— He and Madelyn are together. I didn't realise that initially, but— I just found out he was your brother. He— He managed to play at my heart by mentioning you. I don't know if he's already talked to you, but I was hoping that maybe he could deliver the message that I'm sorry to you. I'm totally sure that you blocked my number, but— I won't give up, because I still love you.
"And, well— Things haven't really been going so well. That guy I was with that night, he's— he's been sorta distant in the relationship. I know he's cheating on me, and I know you'd just spit in my face and mock me on how it feels, but— I wanted you to know, I'm even more sorry now. I shouldn't've done the shit I did, and now it's coming back to bite me in the ass big time. Even when he is around, all he wants is sex. I don't want to be a fuck toy, and I know you wouldn't treat me that way.
"Anyways, I'm sorry for taking so much of your time if you even bothered to listen to this. I won't be upset if you still don't forgive me, because I know you never will. All the apologies in the world, all the hugs, all the kisses, all the love in the goddamn world can't fix what I did. But I'm gonna keep on trying anyways. I love you, even if you don't love me anymore, and I'm sorry."
