A/N: Sorry this chapter is so late.
Claire followed Sam up the final flight of stairs. She watched his back and heard his gasp of surprise as he took the last step into the garage, easily imagining the surprise on his face.
"Dean's going to flip his shit when he sees this." Sam said with awe, heading directly over to the dusty vehicles, lifting the hood of a classic 1950's Chevy.
Claire gritted her teeth at the mention of the other hunter, her fingers curling into a fist at her side. She may not have been in the room but it didn't take a genius to know there'd been another fight, especially when she'd passed Gabe in the hall just outside the library, and she'd felt save putting her money on Dean starting it.
She'd tried to be friendly and understanding, she'd tried to accept him as a pseudo uncle, but the more he made everyone uncomfortable, the more fights he, Sam and Gabe had, the harder it became. - And her own conflicting emotions only added fuel to the fire of her anger.
She'd known this had been a mistake, it was only going to end with arguments and she feared what that would mean for her new found family, but Sam had insisted for their own safety. - Now she wished she'd put up more of a fight. "I want to go home." She heard herself say, inhaling slowly and fixing her gaze to her trainers.
The place was silent for a long moment before Sam finally spoke. "What?"
"I... I said I want to go home." She glanced over at him briefly then dropped her gaze and began to swing her feet Riot sat beside them.
Sam took a deep breath. "If this is because of Isaac..."
"It's not Isaac. We broke up months ago." she informed him nonchalantly.
"You did? When?"
"After Moondoor." She muttered. "He didn't want to have to keep covering for Me." she sighted regretfully. "I think Dad said something."
Sam didn't say anything for a few seconds and Claire heard the sand of the hood closing, leaning back against it. She still didn't look up from her feet. "Is it school? Cause we can..."
"It's not school." she breathed wearily. "It's him. He doesn't want us her, we don't want to be here!"
Sam sighed, dragging his fingers through his hair. "Dean just needs time to get used to it."
"Time!" Claire snapped loudly, meeting his gaze furiously. "How much more time does he want? It's already been months and all he's done is make everyone miserable!" she spat. "I don't want him destroying my family. - Again."
"What?"
"He already took my real family, I can't lose you guys too. You're all I have." She sniffled angrily.
"Claire, Dean isn't responsible for what happened to..."
"Yes! Yes he is!" she shouted, glaring at him. "If he'd stayed dead, dad would have still been at home! I wouldn't have had to listen to him and Mom yelling at each other. They didn't think I heard them but I did. - Just like I hear you and Gabe! - I wouldn't have had to watch him walk away and listen to Mom crying every night."
Sam pushed himself off the car, marching hurriedly over to her and cupping her wet tear stained face. "Claire, that wasn't Dean's fault. He didn't ask to come back, you can't blame him for that." he insisted softly.
"He made that deal!" she reminded him coldly.
Sam inhaled slowly, torn between agreeing with her and defending his brother. "If he hadn't, I wouldn't be here."
"But my Mom and Dad would." she snapped, then stiffened at the guilt that flooded through him. "Oh, Sam, I'm...I'm sorry. I didn't' mean that, I don't wish you were dead, I just..." she swallowed thickly. "I miss them." she whispered brokenly, sobbing.
Sam pulled her into his arms, pressing his lips to her temple. "I know. I know. - It never goes away. "He whispered understandingly, rocking her back and forth, her arms tight about him. "And if I could change the past I would."
Claire cried into his shoulder, her arms tight around his back, scared to let go. She bit back the acid taste of unspoken words. They could bring her family back, all they needed to do was make a deal.
They lost track of time, just standing there, embracing. The only sound in the room was Claire's slowly weakening sobs, and Riot's broken sympathetic whine. Sniffling one final time, Claire pulled herself out of Sam's hold and gave him a shaky smile. "Sorry."
"Its fine, really." he whispered, brushing a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "Things are tense right now, it's going to take time to get used to us living together."
"I don't think Dean wants to get used to it. He doesn't want us here. He hates us." Claire shook her head. Her tone tired.
"He doesn't hate you." Sam insisted firmly.
"No, just Gabriel."
Sam opened his month to argue but knew he couldn't. "How about we take one of these cars for a spin? We need groceries."
Claire looked over at the cars. "Are they legal?"
Sam shrugged, smiling. "What's one more broken law." he scoffed. "We'll just take a trip to the nearest store and grab supplies, as long as we don't drive like the town drunk, we shouldn't get pulled over. - I'll deal with the paper work later."
Claire looked between the cars and Sam, then slowly nodded. "Okay."
"Go wash you face and grab Riot's lead, I'll hunt down the keys and let Gabe and Dean know."
_What Doesn't Kill You_
Dean stared at Sam's text, his phone cradled between his palms. It may as well have been ice for all the warm the words held, though he couldn't have really expected anything else, could he? Not after what had been said.
Sam was right, of course. Wasn't he always? He couldn't seriously expect the pair to hide away, not if they intended to stay here. It was just hard, is all, seeing them like that. Together. So care free and unafraid. As if it were perfectly natural to be shacking up with an archangel.
Part of Dean wanted to be happy, it really did. Sam's happiness was something that had always been important to him, though he knew it hadn't always seemed that way. He'd just feared it was all. Feared losing Sam, just has he'd done when he went off to college.
When he'd told Gabriel it was just a phase, which Sam would get over. That it was Sam's way of dealing with the loneliness and pain, he'd honestly believed that, because people did foolish stuff when alone and desperate. When they were cut off from the world and those who held them to account. Those they cared about. People made choices they wouldn't ordinarily make. Do things they wouldn't ordinarily do. - Things that had to be buried in that deep dark corner of people's souls were forbidden desires and wants are hidden, locked away, never to be unleashed for fear of the destruction and outrage they might cause.
That's what Dean had thought it had been for Sam. Or maybe, it's what he'd wanted it to be, so he wasn't alone in that either. So he wasn't the only son carrying the invisible weight of their father's shame. - However the more he watched them together, the more he realised how wrong he was. Sam didn't feel ashamed of who he was, or who he wanted. He wasn't carrying their father's disapproval on his shoulders. Sam was genuinely happy with Gabriel.
And it was like a kick in the gut every time he saw them together, reminding him over and over what he couldn't have. What had been denied to him for so many years? First by their father then by himself.
Dean blinked down at the phone, realising his thumb was hovering Benny's name, taunting him, whispering to him, the way it had in Purgatory. He swallowed thickly, hoping to dislodge his racing heart.
When his thumb touched the screen, it was to scroll down, past Benny, past Cass, to Sam.
Message: SAM 1/30/2014 3:15pm
Going to check in with Garth and Kevin, see you in a couple of days.
He didn't bother waiting for a reply, shoving the cell back into his pocket. Dean grabbed his duffle off the small leather couch by the door and marched out of the room. He needed air, and time, to get himself together. Just a few days.
_What Doesn't Kill You_
Sam backed the car into the parking spot with a relaxed smile. It had been the right decision to get out for a while, he'd had precious little real bonding time with Claire, and he'd quickly realized, something he was determined to change.
He watched her scurry back to the vehicle from the garage door, her whole posture at ease, at least for now. He wondered if that had anything to do with Dean leaving for a few days. He hated that it probably was.
After climbing out of the car, Sam followed after Claire as she made for the trunk. She already had it open and was grabbing the bags when Sam saddled up beside her, reaching for two more.
"Let's get these to the kitchen and I'll come back for the others." he smiled, leaving the trunk open.
Together they slowly made their way through the corridors of the bunker, chatting ideally about the town and Claire's finale few months of high school. They'd driven past the local school on their way to the grocery store. It was a little bigger than the one she'd attended up north.
Sam dropped his bags on the counter and rolled his shoulders. "You unpack, I'll go find Gabe to help with the other bags."
Claire nodded, already tearing open on of the bags so its contents spilled over the counter. Smiling to himself, Sam headed for the corridor, turning away from the direction they'd just come from. It was probably going to take a while to get used to all the twists and turns, Sam thought as he took a corner, only to have to back track.
Finally he reached the rooms but found it empty. Frowning, he turned to head towards the library area, his hands casually buried in his pockets, his gaze flickering around despite there being nothing to really look at. He couldn't wait to really get searching the place. The plans had given him a layout but what was actually hidden behind all the doors was still to be seen.
He felt like a kid in a candy store, buzzing with excitement, a welcome relief from the tension of everything else.
Stepping into the library, Sam's gaze instantly found Gabriel, passed out in one of the leather chairs. Smiling, he leant against the archway wall, just watching him for a few minutes. His heart ached with a pleasant warmth he hadn't felt in so long, it almost felt unfamiliar and new. Gabriel let out a little choked off snore, startling Sam slightly. Feeling somewhat like a stalker, standing there and just staring at them, he pushed himself off the wall and made his way over to the man.
As he got closer he caught sight of the crystal tumbler in his lap, a gleam of amber at its bottom, turning his head sharply, he found the sixty year old decanter almost empty and he groaned. It had been half full when he'd last look. Taking another step forward, Sam reached for the glass, setting it on the tray and crouching in front of his lover.
He could smell the whiskey rolling off the ex-archangel and sighed, running his hand down the man's face, praying this was a one-time thing. He'd seen how Dean got when he drank, and had the memories of his father, he didn't think he could handle being with someone who sort solace in a bottle. Shaking his head, he got to his feet, deciding to let Gabriel sleep it off, later they'll talk.
_What Doesn't Kill You_
Gabriel groaned, wincing at the ache in his head and back. His tongue felt too big and it tasted like a sewer. He didn't think he'd drank that much, just a couple of small glasses. So how the hell could he possibly feel this bad? With a deep breath he pushed himself up straight, his eyes still closed. Another groan escaped him as his whole body protested the movement. What the hell?
"Serves you right for drinking half a bottle of whiskey on an empty stomach at twelve in the afternoon." a flat humourless voice announced.
Gabriel let out a loud moan and dropped his aching head into his hands, his elbows braced on his knees. "I - d-didn't think I'd drank so much."
"Well you did." Sam's tone was scolding.
Swallowing the thickness of his tongue, he lifted his head slowly, fighting to open his eyes and only managing one. What met that eye was a very unimpressed looking Sam, his body twisted so he was looking over the back of a chair, one arm resting on its back while the other lay on the table top. "Don't judge me." he breathed heavily. "It's not like you're a fucking paragon of sobriety yourself."
"I rarely drink enough to get drunk."
Gabriel snorted a laugh and instantly regretted it, grabbing his head tighter. "Fuck." he heard Sam sigh and then a rattling sound, the legs of Sam's chair scrapping the floor. "Shit, don't do that." he groaned weakly.
"Here."
Gabriel opened his eyes and raised his head to find Sam's hand directly in his line of sight, two small pills in his palm. "God, I love you." he murmured, reaching for them quickly, then for the water Sam was holding.
Throwing them back and gulping down the water, Gabriel dropped back, slouching into the chair, his eyes closed once more as he waited patiently for the pain to recede.
"So... I'm guessing this is all about Dean?"
Gabriel scoffed quietly, not wanting to upset his aching head. "Where's Claire?" he asked, swiftly avoiding the subject.
"Kitchen. I think. Or exploring some more." Sam shrugged, pulling out a chair and taking a seat.
"You shouldn't let her just wonder around, we have no idea what's in this place." Gabriel scolded.
"Aren't you always telling me how smart she is? She knows to come get me if she finds anything. - Dean's gone, by the way."
Gabriel's eyes shot open once more.
"He'll be back in a few days." he clarified, seeing the hope in his lover's bloodshot amber eyes. "He's gone to check on Kevin and fill Garth in on..." he shrugged. "Everything, I guess."
"So we - I have a few days grace before the abuse starts again?" he muttered, dropping his head back once more.
Sam sighed, dragging his hand over his face and neck. "I'll talk to him when he gets back, tell him to lay off. - But you have to quit it too, Gabe. No more taunting him. "
Gabriel flicked his hand nonchalantly. "Whatever."
"I'm serious. He's never going to give you a chance if you keep goading him. Especially about Cass."
They sat in a thick silence for a few minutes, Gabriel allowing the quiet to ease him back to sleep and away from the pounding in his head. He was almost there when Sam yanked him back but announcing. "It's not true."
Gabriel reluctantly cracked open an eye. "Huh?" he asked lazily, confused.
"What Dean said. - About using you," Sam shook his head, holding Gabriel's gaze, hopefully. "I'm not here, with you, because you're a convenience or because I'm going through some kind of phase or emotional trauma." he insisted, leaning forward to rest his hands on Gabriel's knees, squeezing them gently. "I'm here because I want to be. - Because I... Like you. I care about you." he paused, letting the words sink in. "You need to believe that Gabe." he shifted forward a little more, to the very edge of the chair. "You have to accept it and stop waiting for me to run...again."
Gabriel swallowed thickly, licking at his lips. "Easier said than done, kiddo."
"I know. I made a mess of this at the beginning, I was scared and confused, okay, but I'm all in now. If I weren't I would have left with Dean when he asked me to. - You have to accept that I...want you. I want us. If you don't, Dean never will."
Gabriel stared at him, throat aching from the emotional onslaught Sam had just inflicted. "You have..." he started, his voice hoarse. "...to understand Sammy, I'm not used to this. All these damn emotions swirling around in me. They're so overpowering, despite all my centuries among humans, I've never...felt anything like this. Never been..." he dropped his gaze, inhaling deeply and pressing his lips together tightly. "I went from hero to zero overnight," he continued, not looking at Sam. "And you're all I have to hold onto, and I know that's unhealthy, but hey, you Winchesters are the poster children for unhealthy." he scoffed humourlessly. "I also know I was pushy, am pushy, and that it's pathetic..."
"It's not pathetic, Gabe." Sam interrupted, hand reaching up to grip gently at his neck, thumb rubbing soothing circles.
"Yeah, it is." Gabriel dismissed. "But you're all I have now, Sam. You and Claire. - So maybe it's me that's using you" he sighed regretfully.
Sam pulled Gabriel closer, their foreheads touching. "Look, I know what being used is like." he whispered firmly, eyes closed. "I know, and this is not you using me or me using you." he reassured. "It's just us being normal. Building something from the crumbling remains of our mutually fucked up lives."
Gabriel exhaled sadly, unconvinced by Sam's heated declaration.
"I'm serious Gabriel. Sure, okay, so back at the beginning maybe we used one another in some way, I needed...something to keep me going, keep me fighting and you needed something to..."
"The same." Gabriel whispered.
"That doesn't mean this can't work, that this isn't real, okay? Relationships start for all kinds of reasons, who's to say ours in any less valid than anyone elses?"
"Dean."
"Screw Dean. What does he knew about relationships? Huh? He spent a year with a woman because I told him to, while blatantly, day to day ignoring the only real relationship he's ever had. So let him say what he likes, he doesn't know jack about us, okay?"
Gabriel released a breathy broken laugh then sighed. "Sam..."
"No. - I don't want to hear any more, there's nothing you can say that'll change my mind."
Gabriel pulled back to stare at him. "Was everything Dean said a lie?" he asked meaningfully, surprised when Sam's back straightened.
"Yes." Sam confirmed sternly.
They stared at one another for a few moments before Gabriel surged forward, capturing Sam's lips between his own, his fingers carding though the long golden brown strands. Sam's large hand tightened on the back of Gabriel's neck.
After a long passionate kiss they pulled reluctantly apart and smiled at one another. "So do we understand each other now?" Sam asked breathlessly, his thumb stroking below the shorthairs at Gabriel's nape.
"I think you put forward a very convincing argument, Mr Winchester."
"Well I did attend Stamford." Sam smirked. "So we're good?"
"For now." Gabriel nodded.
"Meaning?" Sam frowned, concerned and tired.
"Meaning, it's easy when we're alone, it always had been. It's when he's around things turn to shit."
"Look, we're just going to behave as we always do, act normal. He'll get used to it eventually."
"Or he'll kill me in my sleep." Gabriel grumbled.
"Don't worry, Sugar-Bear, I'll protect you." Sam teased, leaning forward to gift Gabriel is a soft chaste kiss.
"Jackass." Gabriel whispered against his lips.
"Takes one to know one."
_What Doesn't Kill You_
The slam of the heavy metal door had Sam's head snapping up from the pile of papers he'd spent almost five hours going over since discovering g them the previous night. He'd known Dean was on his way back, his brother having called him that morning, but he'd lost track of time.
As Dean's heavy booted feet moved down the iron steps, Sam glanced over at the table a few feet away where Claire and Gabriel were sat in front of her laptop, surrounded by books. They'd been trying to figure out what to do about Claire's final few months of high school, seeing as they couldn't exactly get her papers shipped from Solon Spring. While Claire wasn't really biting at the bit to get back into education, both he and Gabriel wanted her to at least graduate, after that they'd discuss the future.
Gabriel met Sam's gaze with a raised brow and punched his lips. Over the last week they'd really talked, agreeing to just let the dust settle, and try not to throw their relationship in Dean's face, but not hide either. Sam just prayed Gabriel remembered that once he was actually stood in front of Dean.
Sending both Gabriel and Claire a reassuring smile, Sam turned back to watch Dean finally step into the library, pausing at the entrance to look across the room at the other table, clearly not expecting them to be there. Sam inhaled slowly, before speaking. "Hey, how was Kevin?"
Dean didn't answer right away, and Sam took another breath, expecting, waiting for the fireworks to begin all over again. His stomach cramped painfully when Dean started walking towards the table with Claire and Gabriel. He pushed himself up out of his seat, ready for yet another fight.
"Thought you might want these." Dean said roughly, thrusting a thick brown envelope at Claire. "Call it a peace offering."
Sam frowned as Claire took the envelope and opened it. "My school records?"
Dean shrugged, turning from the table and heading back towards the entrance.
"There's beer in the cooler!" Gabriel called after him.
Sam relaxed back into the chair as Dean gave a nod to Gabriel, not actually looking at him as he did so, and went for the small fridge a few feet away. Gabriel and Claire went back to what they were doing and a tense, delicate peace settled over the room.
"So…" Sam began. "Kevin?"
Dean straightened with a beer and headed for him. "Kevin's fine. He'd in a corner, hacking out his Da Vinci Code. – Nothing actionable." He sighed pulling out a chair and taking a seat. "Garth says hi by the way."
Sam smiled and turned back to his work. Act normal and maybe it'll all be fine.
"Anything from Cass?" Dean asked suddenly, causing all parties to look up.
Sam met his gaze for a long moment. "Not a peep. Why, you?"
"No." Dean shook his head. "He's…uh…He's not answering."
Which meant that Dean actually tried calling him. Something twisted in his chest and he turned to look at Gabriel, who sighed, shaking his head.
"So what you doing?" Dean asked defusing the tension.
"Oh uh…Right well, uh, so I have been trying to chart out the Letter's network of hunters, their allies…ah…affiliated groups they worked with, kept files on."
"Circa 1958?" Dean scoffed.
"Yeah true, most are dead or defunct. – But others, I'm not so sure and this one we should definitely check out." He pushed the files across the table.
"The Judah Initiative?" Dean frowned, scanning the pages.
Sam filled Dean in on the Initiative and the weird death of a member only a few days earlier.
"He was capped?" Dean asked, his gaze flickering between the file and the computer screen where Sam had pulled up the article.
"HE's a rabbi, not a mafia don." Gabriel unhelpfully snorted across the room.
"Shut up, Gabriel." Sam growled. They were on rocky ground, he didn't need his lver unsettling the delicate truce they seemed to have built. "Yeah. He was there doing research and according to eye witnesses he spontaneously combusted."
"Which is bullshit." Gabriel announced turning in the chair and looking over at them. "Human spontaneous combustion isn't real, the few case that have been reported as such, were the resolt of outside influences." He pointed skywards.
Dean glared at him then turned back to Sam. "So…this is a case?" he sighed. "I just got back." With a groan Dean slouched in the chair, sipping from his bottle.
"I could go with, if Dean wants to rest." Claire announced excitedly.
Sam laughed. "Nice try you're grounded from hunting. Remember?"
"I guess I could go if Dean doesn't mind babysitting." Gabriel heaved a put upon sigh.
"I don't need a babysitter. I'm almost eighteen."
"Almost being the operative word there." Gabriel snorted.
"I'll go." Dean said sharply, getting to his feet. "Just five me time to visit the bathroom and grab something to eat, I assume we have food?"
Sam nodded and Dean pushed himself out of his chair and headed for the corridor. "We leave in fifteen. Grab your stuff."
A/N: Again sorry for the long wait. I appreciate all the reviews and comments I've been receiving, thank you.
