These are just little random one-shots that I will be doing about the relationship between Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. They will be updated as often as I can, and if any wants me to expand on any of them or if you have a prompt for me, just say in the review :)
/words\\ = Bond speak
Please read and review :)
Prompt from NabooRose: I don't know if this prompt fits in with this story, but maybe something from the beginning of Obi-Wan's apprenticeship with Qui-Gon? With lots of angst?
…..
"Again."
Obi-Wan resisted the urge to roll his eyes and supressed a groan.
Not for the first time, he thinks he might have been better off on Bandomeer. At least there, he wouldn't have had to go through the same three katas over and over again. There would be no disappointed lectures, no stern voice criticising every little thing that he did.
More importantly, there would be no Qui-Gon.
Yes, Obi-Wan had wanted to be a Jedi ever since he was a youngling, but despite saving Qui-Gon's life and becoming the Master's padawan, Obi-Wan still felt like he was a waste of space in Qui-Gon's eyes.
Maybe one day, Qui-Gon would praise him when he did well in his studies. Maybe he would be permitted to go on missions with him someday… then he'll get to show Qui-Gon that he can be a good padawan.
And maybe, just maybe Qui-Gon will finally stop comparing him to his first padawan.
….
"Obi-Wan! Get back here!"
Qui-Gon's voice followed him, but he didn't care. He had no intention of speaking to either him or Tahl for the foreseeable future. Instead, he took sanctuary in his room, locking the door behind him (breaking one of Qui-Gon's rules).
He knew that Tahl and his Master could easily get in if they wanted, but for the moment, silence filled the small apartment.
Obi-Wan slid down the door, resting his head against the cool metal. It was insanely frustrating to live here, always clashing with his own Master. It was only now, months after he became Qui-Gon's padawan, that he realised just how different he and his Master truly were.
Maybe too different.
Obi-Wan had no idea how he and Qui-Gon could ever have a successful Master-Padawan relationship if the older man kept shutting him out. He'd seen Master-Padawan relationships where it seemed more like a parent-child relationship, and the Force practically sang with joy around them.
Their relationship was, and probably would never be, anything like that. They seemed to disagree on everything, Qui-Gon wouldn't take him on any missions and Obi-Wan felt like he could do nothing right.
From the living room, he could hear raised voices.
"Was that really necessary Qui-Gon?" Tahl sounded exhausted, as she always did when she tried to fix the relationship between the pair.
"I have explained and shown that kata to Obi-Wan countless times. Yet time and time again, he makes a silly mistake and grows frustrated instead of expelling those feelings into the Force. He's insolent and rude, and somehow it's all my fault – again!"
Obi-Wan couldn't resist placing his ear against the door, trying to hear everything that was happening.
Tahl let out a frustrated sigh before starting again, "You are a Jedi Master, you are not a padawan yourself. You need to be more patient, especially as you did reject him less than five months ago. He's a boy and he's having trouble adjusting to your flippant attitude…. Your wrong attitude by the way."
Obi-Wan couldn't help but flinch. Master Qui-Gon was not going to like that.
"He's not a boy! He's thirteen years old and he's the one with the wrong attitude"! He's reckless, arrogant and yes, I rejected him at first, because I believed he wouldn't make a good Jedi!"
Silence filled the apartment for a moment, "And I think I was right Tahl… if Obi-Wan continues to act like this, he will never make a good Jedi."
Qui-Gon's voice boomed throughout the apartment and Obi-Wan was certain that the neighbours would hear him. But he knew that Qui-Gon wasn't the type to care about being overheard.
"Let's remember who the adult is here, hmm?" sighed Tahl, "You should be setting a good example and not acting like this."
"He's acting like an initiate at the age of thirteen, why doesn't that bother you?"
Obi-Wan sighed and moved towards his bed, already feeling the tears threatening to fall. This seemed to be a daily occurrence. Nothing he did pleased his Master. He was always messing up, a constant disappointment in Qui-Gon's eyes.
It was moments like these when Obi-Wan couldn't help but repeat every negative thing his Master had ever said about him in his head, thinking about them over and over again. All he really wanted was Qui-Gon approval, but it never came.
That's when he'd start to imagine being chosen by a different Master… imagining how different his life would be. Maybe he would have been taken on as a padawan at a much earlier age. He imagined having his braid gently tugged as his Master teased and praised him. That Master wouldn't raise his voice in anger or continuously berate him.
Life would be easier if it happened that way.
At last, he gave in and let his tears fall freely. He was safe in his room and wouldn't feel bad about crying openly. After a while, his eyes bloodshot and head heavy, he found his way under the warmth of his bedspread and quickly fell asleep.
…
Obi-Wan woke to a light rapping on his door. He groaned and rolled over, pulling the blanket over his head.
"Obi-Wan, it is time for dinner."
Tahl's voice made him groan again. His head still felt heavy and his eyes burned.
"Not hungry." He muttered as he yawned.
It wasn't the truth though. He was starving; now that he was awake, he could feel his stomach rumble. But he didn't want to go out and face his parents.
"Obi-Wan, you need to eat. Open the door please." Tahl's voice was composed, but Obi-Wan could tell that she was stressed out from being the constant referee between her friend and his padawan.
"Obi-Wan, please just open the door." Tahl pleaded once again and Obi-Wan couldn't help but unlock the door for her.
He didn't even bother to remove himself from the bed. He simply reached out with the Force, preparing to use it to open the lock. "It's just you, right?"
"Yes, it's just me."
Obi-Wan used the Force to turn the lock until it clocked, and Tahl opened the door, a small smile on her face.
"There now." Tahl closed the door behind her and looked into Obi-Wan's face for the first time since the argument from the afternoon. Obi-Wan knew his eyes must still be read, and his face puffy, surely sticking out prominently against his pale skin.
Tahl crossed the few steps towards the bed and Obi-Wan moved over to give her a spot to sit. Tahl adjusted herself on the small bed, her back against the headboard as she placed her arm around Obi-Wan's shoulders, pulling the teenager close. "You know Qui-Gon doesn't mean- "
"You always say he doesn't mean it, but he wouldn't say it of he didn't mean it. He's not like that." Obi-Wan mumbled as he stared blankly at his feet.
Tahl sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. "Qui-Gon gets a bit tense at this time of the year, with Xanatos and everything. You just have to keep your head down and- "
"- Tense at this time of the year? He never stops being tense, he never stops acting like that!" He whipped his head around and looked at Tahl, frustration in his voice. "You always take his side and- "
"- Do not interrupt me." Tahl's voice was firm and commanded Obi-Wan's attention, "I am not taking any sides. You both have your reasons. You were disrespectful and he overreacted. He said some things that he shouldn't have said, and I've already talked to him about it."
Obi-Wan resisted the urge to growl in anger as Tahl used the 'parenting voice' on him. "I don't want to be his padawan anymore."
"You don't mean that, you're just upset." Tahl removed her arm from around Obi-Wan's shoulders and silence fell between the two for a moment. Obi-Wan could tell that Tahl was at a loss for words slightly.
Tahl was getting up to leave when the door slid open and Qui-Gon entered.
"We're coming Qui-Gon, don't worry."
"I want to have a few words with Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon's voice was placid, no longer holding any more disappointment.
"No Qui-Gon…" Tahl shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose, "… I don't think that's the best idea right now."
"Yes, and I'm sure you have your reasons, but I feel this is necessary. He is my padawan after all."
"I don't want to be your padawan anymore." Obi-Wan whispered, not looking his Master in the face.
Tahl groaned, but before she could say anything, Qui-Gon stepped forward and glanced down, his brow creased. "Tahl, would you please give us a moment?"
Glancing between the two, Tahl caught Obi-Wan's eyes. "I'll just be in the living room if you need anything." She stood close to Qui-Gon and whispered in his ear, "He's a bit stressed. Try to be nice alright?"
Tahl and Qui-Gon locked eyes.
"Tahl… please." Qui-Gon gestured to the door.
"Hmmm, I will go and warm up dinner."
When Tahl left, Obi-Wan felt an overwhelming urge to run from the room. But he knew he was going to stand his ground, regardless of what his Master said.
Qui-Gon pulled up a chair from the nearby desk and sat on it. He folded his hands over his lap and the two stared at each other for several minutes in silence.
"Pardon me Master, but if you're not going to say anything, may I go and have my dinner?"
Qui-Gon quirked an eyebrow, "You're not going anywhere. You want to know what I'm going to say…. You're curious."
Begrudgingly, Obi-Wan shrugged his shoulders and removed the blanket from his boy, swinging his legs over the edge so that he was face to face with the man that he called 'Master'.
Qui-Gon studied Obi-Wan for a few seconds before starting. "When we first started this partnership, I never thought we would be so at odds. I don't know how to communicate with you properly… and this has affected you."
Qui-Gon stopped, and Obi-Wan stared. He didn't believe what he was hearing… what angle was Qui-Gon working from. Did he honestly want to make nice or was he just luring the teen into a false sense of security?
"You say, that you no longer wish to be my padawan- "
"- I don't…. not anymore."
Qui-Gon titled Obi-Wan's chin upwards with an elegant finger, his eyes widening. "We went through the ceremony."
"That's just a formality, it doesn't mean that the Master-Padawan relationship is going to work." Obi-Wan's lips pressed firmly together as he watched Qui-Gon.
"I don't want to be your Padawan anymore…" he repeated, pushing on, "… you don't trust me and you probably never will." His throat tightened as he said the one last thing he always kept buried in him, ashamed, "I'm not what you want."
Tear formed in his eyes again, but he was determined not to be weak in front of Qui-Gon. He pushed the feelings into the Force, but he could tell that his Master had noticed his eyes watering over.
When Qui-Gon spoke again, his voice was soft, a fierce determined look on his face, and Obi-Wan knew in that moment, that whatever Qui-Gon was going to say, he wanted Obi-Wan to believe it completely. "I've sat with you in the Healers Wing when you were injured during a sparring match. I was there when you had your first flying lesson. I have helped you with your homework. I have been to every sparring match over the last few months, since you became my padawan. I don't have to do it. I want to do it, because I am your Master and you are my chosen student!"
Qui-Gon's voice raised on those last words and Obi-Wan looked away, biting on his lower lip.
"I am aware that I've not been the best Master to you…." Qui-Gon said coolly, but then paused, as if debating mentally what he should say next, "…. And I know that I don't tell you the things that I… perhaps should."
Those last words were said carefully, as if relinquished after deep consideration.
Obi-Wan was still looking away when Qui-Gon gently took hold of his chin, guiding his head until they were facing each other.
He met his Master's eyes reluctantly and Qui-Gon moved his hand away swiftly, leaning back, studying him with a calculating expression.
Then he began to speak.
"One: I am proud of you. Of all your accomplishments, big and small. Two: I have no doubt that you will be a great Jedi one day. Your scores in diplomacy are far higher than mine ever were. You spend hours practicing your katas, and you learn them with such ease."
The words rolled off Qui-Gon's tongue, eyes unwavering on his. "Three: I am dreadfully sorry if I have ever made you feel inadequate. It was never my intention. Four: I am honoured that you are my Padawan, and I do care for you Obi-Wan."
Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon stared at each other in silence, and Obi-Wan took his time processing everything he'd just heard.
The sincerity in his Master's voice was rarely heard…. But the declarations of love and assurance touched him deeply and it was if a great weight had been lifted from him.
There was a knock on the door and Tahl peeked in. "I haven't heard any screaming. I'm not quite sure if that's good or bad…"
She glanced between the two of them. Qui-Gon just stared at his student as Obi-Wan smiled slightly.
"Everything alright?"
Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon exchanged another glance before Obi-Wan turned his attention to Tahl. "Yes… everything is fine."
Tahl blinked in surprise, then smiled. "Excellent. Now the pair of you can stop moping and come and eat."
