Heyo, guess who's back!
It turns out writing can be hard sometimes, even when you sit and stare at your word document for hours. But here it is!
MaluLupin: That was the goal :3
Guest: No YOU'RE super cute! Thank you so much!
GuestMG: Thank you! I totally feel content writing this, so I get it! With representation, it's not that hard which is so frustrating because mainstream media forgets that minorities are just normal people, but with slightly different experiences.
marsolino: hehe, yeah in those first days it was hard for Alia to not just cuss him out for several pages.
Gabbstterr: yeahhhh!
Guest: Thank you! T_T I do plan on writing for the rest of my life, in whatever capacity I'm able to.
Therona: your reactions are putting a stupid smile on my face, so thank you! As for your last question, I'm planning on answering it soon hehe
Courtney-Tamara: Thank you for your sweet words and feedback! I definitely do rush through some parts and could have developed some more relationships better (I'm especially conscious of the other Cullens and Alia's family). With the nature of this story, I kind of want to get the base story done, and then come back and edit and add before I completely overwhelm myself and run out of steam.
VolvicBabe: No, you are wonderful! Thank you for reading!
...
The next few months were some of the most beautiful and strange of Alia's life. She did still count it as her life. She insisted on believing that she was still alive, because she wasn't as cynical as Edward.
She had Edward again. That would have been enough for her, truly, to have him back in her life and to have even a sliver of their previous closeness. But she got so much more this time. No longer did Alia have to worry about being too much or too little for him, about hiding her feelings. They were out in the open, liberating her (even if she was still a little bitter). The main difference, of course, was that his feelings were apparent to her now.
Edward loved Alia. Just as much as she loved him. The thing that had shadowed their friendship, that Alia hadn't even been aware of until it broke apart, had lifted. It wasn't as if they could pick up where they had left off, as if things hadn't changed. They had. In every conceivable way. But they were able to start somewhere, a place Alia was happy with.
Alia didn't expect for it to take dying to get a boyfriend, but there she was.
She was worried it would be overwhelming or embarrassing, especially with the rest of the Cullens knowing everything. But the genuine care they showed made it difficult for Alia to mind. Everyone was just so happy for her and Edward, and so accepting of her into their family, though Alia knew it was a lot to suddenly get saddled with. Her heart still ached for her first family, but it hurt a bit less playing video games with Emmett, or talking and sharing her burdens to Esme, or being taught about the supernatural by Carlisle. Rosalie even let her hang around with her when she was in her workshop, building cars and bikes (which Alia was so impressed by when she found out, she couldn't stop praising her for two days straight). And Jasper turned out to love history, having several degrees in the subject, leading them to have several long winded discussions that made Alia not miss being in school too much.
Alia didn't even complain too much when Alice came back after disappearing for two weeks with a truck packed with designer clothing in her size. Alice had circumvented her protests by gleefully explaining how she had been manipulating the stock market for decades to keep the Cullens filthy rich. After that, Alia was more worried about how the economy was being affected by Alice's blatant wealth hacking than about being spoiled. Since she was stuck in the house, it was nice to have everyone trying so hard to make her comfortable.
But despite their efforts to help ease the transition, her second life also proved challenging. Alia had hoped that the thirst would become bearable over time, that it was only a temporary obstacle that she could get used to like when she had decided to forgo all meat only the previous year. But the lure of blood was more powerful than anything that she had experienced as a human. Even the drugs she'd seen some of her friends use never prompted such a thoughtless frenzy. Alia understood why her new family was careful to watch her and keep her secluded away from any potential victims. With the way she reacted to hunting animals, Alia was terrified to know what being around people would do.
She and Edward spent a lot of their time in the woods (though they had to be very careful and stick to the areas close to the house to avoid people). This meant that they ended up in their treehouse more often than not, reading with each other or cuddling. Often both at the same time. It was grounding, those sweet hours with Edward in the treehouse, a bit of normalcy in the strange new world she was in.
And did it ever prove stranger and stranger. One day, when they were running back to the house (racing, as it often turned out with the two of them), the clouds separated in the sky, letting a beam of sunlight illuminate Edward clearly.
Alia didn't scream. It was Edward; he could never scare her. But she did freeze in her tracks and just stare at him in awed confusion.
His hair remained the same hue, that comforting bronze. But everything else… clearly explained why they couldn't be in the sunlight. All the colour was bleached from his skin, leaving it a cold white. The paleness made all the shadows on his face too prominent, too sharp, slashing his cheeks and bruising under his eyes. And those eyes… they were no longer green, but as blood red as Alia's.
Edward smiled and that familiar gesture brought her back to reality. Alia reached for his mouth, and poked around. "What? No fangs?"
"I'll show you fangs." He lunged for her playfully and she danced around his arm with a laugh.
Alia did settle for wrapping her arms around him from behind and nuzzling her face against the material of his sweater. "It's not that bad." she said. "We could still go out in the sun during Halloween, right?"
She could sense Edward raising his brows. "It's not like you can eat candy anymore."
"Don't remind me!" she cried. The worst thing about being a vampire had to be not being able to eat any of her favorite foods anymore. Now there was only one thing on the menu, and it only just did the job. She groaned loudly. "I miss chocolate! And soda! And if I think about pizza too hard, I'll cry!" Don't even say it. I know it's impossible, but I'll find a way!
The momentum of their race was broken, so they shifted to walking. It felt weird, slowing down, when she knew she could outrun most cars. But it wasn't as if they were in any rush.
Edward kept glancing at her as they walked hand in hand. She knew he knew what she was debating with herself, but didn't address it. After a few minutes had passed, she huffed. "I want to see."
He squeezed her hand and began to lead her to the sound of running water. She loved him for not asking if she was sure. Because she wasn't. She was only stubborn.
Alia took a deep breath she didn't need before she forced herself to look at the face reflected in the clear brook.
Considering that she had avoided looking at her reflection after the initial disastrous incident, it wasn't too bad. Instead of her skin going white like Edward's, it had turned ashen taupe under the sunlight, more gray than brown. Coupled with the startling red of her eyes, Alia looked like a proper vampire. It was more comforting to focus on the unsettling aspects of her new appearance instead of the perfect ones. She never thought that she'd one day rather be scary than beautiful, but life had a way of being surprising.
"I know it doesn't mean much…" Edward said in a low voice, drawing her away from staring transfixed at her reflection. "But you were always beautiful."
Alia wished she could take that as a compliment, but it only made her more angsty. "Does that mean you don't like the way I look now?"
Edward's red eyes widened. He was about to answer when Alia waved her hands frantically. "That wasn't fair of me! I know what you meant. I just…" Her emotions were churning in her gut, angry and frustrated and shameful. "I hate the way I look. I don't want to be beautiful. It's like backwards vanity? If that makes sense? I was so used to being average— which I totally was and that's okay!" she said as Edward opened his mouth to argue with her assessment. "I was average! I made peace with how I looked and now I look like— I feel like a stranger. Like I have to start all over again. And that just makes me angry."
Alia considered apologising for the way she felt, but she had spent too much time trying to break that habit to revert back, especially when she was fully justified in her feelings. It wasn't fair that she had spent her entire life feeling ugly and undesirable, to put in hard work in therapy to gain self confidence, to stare enviously at naturally pretty girls, only for that aspect of herself to no longer be true.
Edward, to her relief, didn't seem to take her words personally. She was always worried, especially after their initial struggle, that if she didn't act like everything was okay all the time, that he would consider it a personal failing, like turning her meant he was responsible for every hardship she ever faced. While there was a bit of that (Edward had spent most of his life weighed down by unnecessary guilt, and that habit couldn't be kicked all at once), they talked about it now. And even if they disagreed, Alia could be comforted by the fact that he finally trusted her to be honest.
He did frown ever so slightly at her thoughts, but didn't draw attention to them. Instead, he pressed her hand to his mouth. She sighed at the feeling of his lips against her skin. "How you're feeling is only natural. I was angry too… when Carlisle changed me." Edward admitted.
"Tell me about it?" she asked, always eager to learn any new scrap of information about him. "If you're up for it?"
Edward smiled at her, and no sunlight could rob him of his warmth at that moment. He did sober up as he looked at their entwined hands."Even before… when I was human… I knew people found me attractive. But after the change, when I got even more so to humans…"
"The mind reading." Alia cringed on his behalf.
He grimaced. "It made me hate people for a long time. Being able to read minds should have made me more empathetic, but at that time it just made it easier for me to put people in categories and dismiss them. See them as inferior. I was angry at people for falling for…" he used his free hand to indicate to his face. "...this."
At the concerned look that must have been on Alia's face, he grinned in that lazy way of his. "I didn't stay that way for long. I befriended you, didn't I? My point is that I understand how you feel, even if it's not the same. I can't promise your anger will fade… but I will help you bear it, if you'll allow me."
"I know." Her voice should have been choked with tears, but came out steady. She showed her emotions by wrapping her arms around him tightly. "Thank you, Edward."
As they continued their walk back to the house, Alia determined that she could make peace with her appearance. It wouldn't happen right away, of course. But that was what eternity was for.
...
So, this was going to be something else and this chapter itself was supposed to be the lead in to that, but it got away from me and became its own chapter. What else was I expecting, lol.
Re the appearances of vampires in my version: I cannot reconcile myself with sparkling vampires. I just can't. It's so deeply stupid on so many levels, and not even in the way men criticise it as "lol gay". I am obsessed with folklore and mythology and this is just something that Meyer pulled out of her ass. Why the fuck would you make your vampires sparkle and then act like it's some terrible dramatic reveal. Like aren't they pretty enough as it is? You needed to make them MORE conspicuous? How the fuck is that going to make it easier for them to hunt? How does that biology even check out?! I mean it's not like mythological vampires or my awkward compromise (with them going spooky or outright dying under sunlight) make any scientific sense, but at least they're rooted in an aesthetic.
Also, I'm just going to say it. Meyer is extremely bad at vampires of colour in her text. Firstly, she doesn't have any until Breaking Dawn when she has to because she wrote herself into a situation where vampire Avengers is happening. (Laurent isn't black in the books but ambiguously described before any clown points that out) But with this notion that her (white) vampires are always described as very pale, paler than when they were human, and that being synonymous with beautiful, it kind of leaves it out in the open about what becoming a vampire does to anyone with melanin. If they turn whiter, than yikes. If they turn ashier, than also yikes. So she just doesn't bring it up. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
This kids, is why you THINK about your worldbuilding.
That's why I compromised by letting the vampires keep their normal skin tones in normal circumstances, but it turning ashen and creepy under sunlight to keep the aspect of sunlight being a deterrent besides 'oh no I'm even MORE pretty now :('.
I am so sorry for the salt. But ya'll signed up for it?
