A/N : Okay, so I'm not going to make a habit of ridiculously frequent updates again, but just this one time! :) I feel like this chapter is sort of chapter 5's second half, so here it is!

The remnants of the memories that had once consistently haunted Steve lifted themselves from their slumber. They pieced one another together, blending to create the past that had claimed his sense of peace and stolen his control.


Denial mingled with the fear, as Soda drove his car out of the garage. Before moving forward to make his way onto the street, he looked at the DX, forging a path of thought to convince himself his reaction within held no meaning.

Soda pressed on the gas pedal, the fingers of his left hand firmly holding the steering wheel, while those of his right managed only a gentle grasp. He looked each way, before moving into the traffic that would lead him home.


"It's okay if you're feeling overwhelmed, Steve. I thought you might. That's why I made sure to remind you it's fine to call me."

Steve let the hands that had covered his face drop to his lap, his gaze moving up to Laura. "But I don't get it. Why is this making me feel like- I don't know. Like I used to feel all the time?"

Laura used a question to begin guiding Steve into making the connection she herself could see. "When you first heard Sodapop had been shot, how did you feel?"

"Scared. Really scared."

"And yesterday, when you witnessed what you believe may have been Sodapop experiencing a trauma flashback, how did you feel?"

"Scared then too. But I guess mostly helpless. Because I wanted to stop it for him, and I couldn't."

"Okay. Now, I'm going to go back much further. When you were being sexually abused, how did you feel?"

"I was scared and hurt, and I wanted it to stop."

"But the situation was one you couldn't control. You're not being victimized now, Steve, and you weren't the one who was injured, but someone very close to you is suffering. Something happened that you couldn't prevent, and that loss of control is, in some ways, similar to what you experienced as a child."

"I hadn't thought of it like that. I mean, it makes sense. I just didn't expect it."

"I think that connection back to past emotions is one reason you've been struggling with feeling guilty. It's a way to compensate for that loss of control and try to make sense of what's happening."

"That makes sense too. I've just felt so messed up all day today and like any minute, I could have a flashback. I keep thinking about the abuse and stuff. It's making me tense. But, even more than that, I get scared for Sodapop. He has enough to go through with his arm and all. I don't want him to have to go through anything like what I have too."


"So I heard you know you're loved."

Soda smiled at Samuel, even though his heart was still bathed in fear, denial attempting to drown his memories. "Yeah. I do. I know I was kind of joking when I said that to Nicholas, but I meant it."

Samuel saw Soda's smile immediately falter, his expression changing, as he looked down. "Are you okay, Sodapop?"

Soda nodded, yet again giving denial a place to belong. "Yeah. I'm okay."

Samuel put his hand on Soda's shoulder. "I came over because I wanted to see you. But also because I wanted to make sure you know I'm here if you need anything at all."

"Yeah. I know. I'm just not sure what I need right now."


Steve,

I took Audrey out for an early dinner. I'll see you tonight.

Dad.

Steve set the note Nicholas had left for him back on the table. Well, I did tell him to live his life, he thought. I'm glad he listened.


"Nothing happened today, Darry. I just went and picked up my car. That's all."

Darry, puzzled by both Soda's answer and his tone, clarified his question. "Okay. I was just asking what you've been up to, little buddy. I didn't mean I thought anything happened."

Soda told himself to relax, realizing Darry was only checking in with him, like he often did. "Sorry. I didn't mean to sound like that."

"It's all right, Sodapop. But I have to admit that makes me think something did happen."

"It's nothing, Dar. I picked my car up from the DX. Then, Samuel came over to see me."

"How did you do going back to the DX?"

Soda's mouth opened, before he re-thought his answer. "Um, it was fine. Kind of weird. But fine."

Darry saw Soda look away from him, his eyes drawn to the floor. "Soda?"

Soda's voice was soft, as he didn't look back up at his big brother. "What?"

"Are you sure it was fine? I don't think it would even be fine for me."

"Yeah. Nothing happened there. It didn't really bother me. I just, uh, talked to Coleman for a minute, then drove home."

Darry moved closer to Soda, taking a seat directly in front of him, before tilting his chin up. "Sodapop, I need you to look at me."

Soda met Darry's eyes, not sensing any choice in the matter. "Really, Darry. It's nothing."

"You keep saying that, and you keep saying nothing happened."

"Because it didn't. Nothing's going on with me. It seems like everyone thinks there is, but I'm fine."

"You promised you'd tell me if you started having a hard time, little buddy. So please tell me the truth."

Soda felt tears come to his eyes and bit down hard on his bottom lip. "I am, Darry. The thing with the cop yesterday, whatever Steve told you, it's nothing. And today at the DX, I was okay. It's not bothering me."

"What's not bothering you?"

Soda closed his eyes, the tears still there and on the verge of falling. "What happened. It's not. I swear it's not. It's over."

Darry let go of Soda's chin, reaching instead to hold each of his hands. "You're keeping things to yourself, little buddy. I can see it, and I can hear it in what you've been saying to me. When I told you that you can't pretend, I-"

"I'm not pretending! I told you don't say that to me. Cause you don't know, Darry. You don't know anything!"

"That's because you won't tell me! You just deny everything, like it's no big deal. I know you, Sodapop. And I know what I'm seeing."

"But I'm not lying to you. You make it sound like I am, but I'm not."

"No. I'm not trying to do that. I'm just trying to get you to talk to me. You went through something hard. You're still going through it now, and I don't want you trying to handle it all by yourself. I know how things can affect you."

"What do you mean by that? I'm just as tough as you."

"I'm not saying you're not tough at all. Cause you are. That's why you're still here. But when something scares or hurts you or someone you love, you react to it. Those emotions are visible on you, little buddy, and there are certain things I know you take really hard. I've been with you through a lot of them."

"But this isn't like any of that."

"Exactly." Darry had yet to release Soda's hands, only gripping them tighter. "Someone pointed a gun at you and threatened your life."

"Don't, Darry. Please don't."

"Then, he shot you. And you could've died."

"Please stop. I don't want to do this."

"You were scared. You were bleeding a lot."

"I did bleed a lot. I even thought-"

"You thought what, Pepsi Cola?"

"Nothing. I don't want to talk. Can you stop? Please?"

Darry nodded, seeing clearly the distress on Soda's face. "Okay. But I want to know you're hearing me. Are you?"

"Yeah. I got it, Darry. I'm listening to you. I promise."


"After Rose died, I felt so lost. I didn't know what to do without her. But having Steve is what kept me going."

Audrey focused on Nicholas' words, even as she pondered her own past she'd yet to tell him all about. "It sounds like you two have had only each other for a really long time."

Nicholas' mind drifted to what else had happened since Rose's death and the years he and Steve barely had each other, yet he wasn't ready to divulge this story. "Yeah. We have."

"Has my brother ever told you why I moved here? Well, one of the reasons anyway."

"No. Not really. He told me some things had changed in your life. He didn't say what."

"Well, I was in a relationship. We were going to get married."

"What happened?"

"He was seeing another woman, and I found out about it."

Nicholas took Audrey's hand in his own. "I'm so sorry to hear that."

"Thank you. But I'm all right now. He really hurt me though. I can't even describe how betrayed I felt."

"That hasn't happened to me, but I know exactly what you mean. It hurts when you trust someone, and they take advantage of it."

"I kept feeling like I should've seen it sooner. It took me a long time to let go of the fact that I didn't."

"I can understand that too. So you decided to move after the relationship ended?"

"Not right after, but yes. I found out about some job openings here, and I wanted to live near Samuel again."

"I'm sorry to hear what happened. I'm so sorry you got hurt. But I'm truly glad I got to meet you and so happy you're here now."


"So how's the car, man?"

Soda turned to look at Steve from his place on the hood of the Chevy. "Running just fine now."

Steve lifted himself up to sit beside Soda. "Good. How about you?"

"I don't know. I just saw you last night, Stevie."

"Yeah. But I'm still asking. You talk to Coleman?"

"Um, just a little bit. I told him I go get these stitches out next Thursday. I didn't tell him everything yet. Like about the nerve damage I might have. I don't want to til I know more."

Steve saw Soda's head drop, his gaze landing on the car's green paint. "If it is that, they'll treat it. It'll be okay, Sodapop."

"I know."

"My dad's out with Audrey again. He left me a note saying he took her to an early dinner."

"Oh."

"What's up, buddy?"

"Nothing. Nothing's up. Why does everyone think-" Soda took a deep breath, his eyes moving to Steve. "Sorry. I'm just sort of on edge today. If I tell you something, will you not ask any questions about it?"

"Okay."

"I didn't like being at the DX today. It was hard and- I just didn't like it."

Steve laid a hand on Soda's back. "I didn't think you would like being there. You have a hard time even just talking about what happened. Of course, it's hard to be in the place where it did."

"I really want to tell you something else, but I don't know how. Even though I think you already know anyway. You were here after the cop left. You saw me."

"I did."

"I don't want to deal with this, Stevie. I just want it all to go away. I keep telling myself it's not bothering me."

"Buddy, you know that doesn't work."

"I keep thinking if I say it enough, it will, and this will stop. Darry was trying to get me to talk to him earlier. He said a bunch of stuff cause he thinks I'm keeping things to myself."

"Is he right?"

"No! I'm not doing that. I just- I just can't talk about it."

"So that means you are keeping it to yourself then."

"But I'm fine. Nothing's going on with me."

Steve studied his best friend, as he touched his shoulder. "Sodapop, you just said you tell yourself nothing is bothering you, hoping that will make it stop. You told me you don't want to deal with this, and you want it all to go away. That doesn't sound like you're fine."

"But I am. I really am."

"What did you want to tell me about what I saw yesterday?"

"It happened again."

"Okay. I think I know what you're telling me. But what did exactly?"

Soda didn't speak for a few seconds, as he tried to form words that would answer the question. "I'm sorry, Stevie."

"Sorry? Why? You're really confusing me here, buddy."

"Cause I can't do it. I can't say it."

"It's okay if you can't talk about it yet, man. That's as true as it was when I told you at the hospital. It hasn't even been a week."

"Yeah. I know."

"But what I want you to know, and what I'm sure Darry wants you to know too is you can't do this forever. You know just as well as I do you're going to have to let whatever is in there out, or it won't get better."


"My son thinks I should cook you dinner sometime."

Audrey walked beside Nicholas, the endearing attempt at an invitation making her smile. "So I take it that means you will?"

Nicholas wrapped his arm around Audrey's waist, leading her along the path that circled the park. "It does."

"When?"

"How about Friday night?"

"It's a date then."

"But what should I cook?"

"Whatever you like. I'm not picky. Will Steve eat with us?"

Nicholas smiled, amused as he remembered the conversation he'd had with Steve about this scenario. "I told him I'd fix him a plate of food if he'll leave us alone."

"Tell him he can stay. Even if he teases us. He's the most important part of your life. I want to know him too."


"Move your big ass, TwoBit! I can't even see the TV."

"My ass is not big!"

Soda tried to laugh at the banter between Steve and TwoBit, but found he couldn't. He slipped away, disappearing into his bedroom and closing the door behind him.


"So I'll see you Friday evening?"

Nicholas put his hand over Audrey's that had cupped his cheek, her fingers brushing over the rough stubble on his face. His eyes closed, as he leaned forward to kiss her lips, then he moved back to stare into her eyes. "Yes. Absolutely."


"Hey, Soda, what are you doing, man? I turned around, and you were gone."

Soda sat cross-legged on the floor of his bedroom and didn't turn his head to look at Steve. "I don't know. I'm just here."

Steve closed the door, making sure he heard it click, before he dropped down beside Soda.

"I'm fine. You can go back and hang out with TwoBit."

"Nah. He's good. Parked his butt on the couch with a beer."

"Oh."

"I hate seeing you like this, buddy."

"Then, don't. You don't have to stay here. I just told you that."

"You know damn well I didn't mean it like that."

"Sorry."

"I wasn't going to tell you this right now, but I went to talk to Laura again today."

"You did? Why?"

"Cause I was having a hard time. Sort of felt like the memories of the abuse are right there waiting to jump at me. I've been thinking about it a lot."

"Oh. I wish you never had to think about it at all, Stevie."

"It's not like it has been before, but I figured I should say something, before it could get that way again. You know, with the flashbacks and all. Even if they do still happen, I know I'll handle them better if I can talk about it."

"Yeah."

"You hear what I'm saying to you, buddy?"

"I hear you."

"Okay. Just let me know when you're ready then, man. Day or night, I'll be there."


"I kissed Audrey again."

Steve shook his head, a smile on his face, as Nicholas recounted his date. "You don't have to tell me every time, Dad."

Nicholas lifted his feet up to rest on the coffee table, relaxing against the couch. "I know. I'm just giving you an opportunity to tease me. I invited her over for dinner on Friday night."

"All right. Make me a plate, and I'll get lost."

"She said she wants you to stay."

"But it's your date. Shouldn't you be alone?"

"We'll just be here. It's not like you're coming with us to a drive-in movie or anything like that."

"Now, that would be really weird."

"Audrey wants to know you too."

"Okay then. I'll stick around a while. Hey, Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm really glad you're seeing her. You deserve to be happy."

Before Nicholas could reply to the sentiment, Steve had scooted closer to him and laid his head on his shoulder. "Anything going on, Son?"

"I called Laura after school today, then went to talk to her."

"All right. Why?"

"I just needed to, and I thought I should. I guess it's like she said. Things have been out of my control, and it makes me feel like I did when I was a kid."

"Out of your control? You mean because of Sodapop?"

"Yeah. It makes me feel scared and helpless and all kinds of stuff and sort of brings things back."

Nicholas slid his arm around Steve, keeping him close. "So how are you now?"

"Better."

"Okay. Good. I worry about you sometimes, you know."

"Sometimes? Try all the time, Dad."

"Yeah, yeah. So I do all the time. You can't blame me."

"No. I definitely can't. It's been almost six months."

"What has?"

"Since I overdosed. It's been almost six months since I tried to kill myself."

At the mere mention of that day, Nicholas held his son a little tighter, resting his own head on top of Steve's. "So what do you think about that?"

"I'm not sure. I guess, in some ways, it feels like a really long time ago. But, at the same time, it feels like it happened yesterday."


"It's okay, Sodapop. We're here, little buddy. I promise you're safe."

Soda felt a hand sweep through his hair. He heard his own deep breaths moving in a rhythm with his heart that was beating too fast.

"I've never seen him have nightmares at all, Dar. But especially not like this."

"Me neither, Pone. Not even when we were little."

Soda felt a pair of arms wrap around him, holding him close.

"Shh. Just go back to sleep. You're all right."

"Yeah. It's okay, Soda. It's just a dream. It can't hurt you, remember?"

Soda felt his body begin to relax, as he sank back onto the bed. A hand rubbed his shoulder, at the same time a blanket covered him.

"I'll stay with him, Darry. You can go back to your room."

"Okay. But come get me if it starts happening again."

Soda felt a body close to his, then a head on his shoulder.

"I'm here, Soda. I'm staying right here with you. Just like you did for me."


"It was just a bad dream, Dar. I'm over it."

"You were screaming and crying out, little buddy. That's not 'just' anything."

Pony listened to the back and forth between his brothers, remembering how distressed Soda had been in the middle of the night. "A couple of times, I thought you were about to do it again too."

Soda looked at his little brother, unable to keep from thinking of how Pony had suffered through nightmares after their parents' deaths. "Sorry if I scared you, Pony. And thanks for staying with me too."

Pony, also thinking of his own experience asked a question. "So do you remember your dream?"

Soda didn't look at either of his brothers, speaking what he wished was the truth. "No. Not really."

Darry tried another pair of questions, hoping to guide Soda into opening up. "Do you know what it was about at all? Or why you were so scared?"

Soda's breath caught, as he recalled the vividness of the dream, the real-life quality of the images that had shaken him terribly. "I- I don't want to talk about it right now. You already know anyway. So don't act like you don't. Please."

Darry sighed, acknowledging the truth of Soda's statement. "Yeah. You never had nightmares before, so it's not hard to figure out."

Soda, aware of both his want to end this conversation and the time, hurried his brothers along, as he gave them a smile. "You guys should go finish getting ready. I don't even want to talk about this anymore. I'll be all right."


"Hey, Steve-O, think fast."

Steve caught the football TwoBit had thrown his way. "Hey, man, don't you have a class to get to?"

TwoBit took a sip of water from the drinking fountain, before going to stand beside Steve. "Just English. And I don't use that anyway. Hey, I was going to ask you. Is Soda doing all right?"

"You've seen him. Why do you ask?"

"I ain't sure how to explain it, but he just doesn't look right lately."

"He did just get shot, man. That's not easy to get over or live with right after."

"I know. I just never thought I'd see Sodapop Curtis smile and think it wasn't real."


"Damn it. They hurt today."

Soda stood in front of his dresser, as he struggled with the buttons on a red and white plaid shirt, the fingers of his right hand tingly and pained.

His movements uncoordinated, he slid the top three buttons through their matching holes. Before he could focus in on the fourth, Soda paused and looked at himself in the mirror that reflected his own image. "God, I'm sorry if I haven't been praying enough. But please help me. Cause I can't do this all by myself."


"Long day, Son?"

Steve took his DX cap off his head, tossing both it and his car keys on the counter. "Yeah. You could say that. Kind of busy, I guess, too."

Nicholas spread the barbecue sauce over the chicken he'd baked. "Want to eat with me, before I go meet Audrey?"

"I thought she was coming over here tomorrow night."

"She is. But we decided to spent a little time together tonight too."

"Oh. Um, yeah. I'll eat with you. Are you going to be real late?"

"I don't think so. We both do have to go to work in the morning."

"Okay. Uh, I was going to go hang out with Sodapop anyway, but maybe I'll stay over there a little longer." Steve stared a his dad for a moment, watching him fix plates for the two of them. "Um, I need to take a quick shower. I'll be back in a few minutes."

"All right, Son. I'll still be right here."


"Get off my back, Darry! I told you I don't want to talk about it. What part of that don't you understand?"

"I do understand that, Sodapop! But I'm telling you it won't help if you keep everything inside like this. You're only hurting yourself more!"

Steve stood on the Curtis' front porch, hearing Soda and Darry's raised voices loud and clear.

"No! You're hurting me by yelling at me and trying to make me talk when I can't."

"You keep saying you're fine and nothing is bothering you, yet you're up at night screaming. And if I mention anything about the shooting, you look like you're going to cry. If you won't talk, what else can I do to help? Damn it, Sodapop. I don't know how to help you with this! Please tell me!"

Steve drew in a breath, slowly letting it out, as he opened the front door.

"You want to know how to help? Leave me the hell alone!"

Steve heard the sound of a door slamming, before he came face to face with Darry. "Hey. Um, I-"

Darry pushed past Steve, his feet quick, as he paced back and forth across the porch. "Soda went to his room, Steve."

Steve started to go inside, but then paused, looking back at Darry. "He just needs some time, Superman. He'll talk to you when he's ready, but don't push him too hard."

"I'm not trying to push him. I'm really not. I don't mean to yell at him either. I know he doesn't need that. But I'm so worried, and it just drives me crazy to not be able to help him."

"Darry, you are helping. Just by being here, man."

"But that's not enough, Steve. It's not enough at all. I know my brother's hurting. I know he is, but I can't fix it."


"If you just came to yell at me some more-"

Steve interrupted Soda's thought. "It's me, man. Darry's still outside."

Soda stepped away from his window, sitting down on the bed. "He needs to back off. If I don't want to talk about any of this, I don't have to."

"Cut him some slack. You know he wants to help."

"I hate being yelled at, Stevie. I mean, I know I was yelling too. But I still hate it. Even more than I did before."

Steve sat down beside Soda. "Yeah. I definitely heard both of you. What started that?"

"He just finished changing out my bandage for me again. And when I still wouldn't look or anything, he asked what I was thinking about. I told him nothing."

"And he didn't take that as an answer, did he?"

"Nope."

"Let me ask you something, buddy."

Soda shook his head, as he turned his back to Steve. He picked up the pillow, hugging it to his chest.

Steve watched as Soda hid his face in the pillow, expecting tears to start any moment. He put his hands on his best friend's shoulders, believing he recognized the tremble in his body. "It's all right, man. All I was going to ask is why don't you just admit to Darry that things are bothering you? Even if you don't say any more than that. He already knows, and you kind of admitted it to me."

"I don't know. It's like I think if I do that, it's real. And I don't want it to be real."

Steve saw Soda's head turn, a glimpse of his face letting him know his eyes were free of tears. Even so, he scooted closer to him and draped an arm around him. "Sodapop, it's still real, even if you decide not to deal with it. I know you don't want to hear this right now, but I heard what Darry said to you, and he's right."

"About what?"

"Keeping everything inside hurting you more. I sort of told you the same thing already when I said it won't get better if you don't let it out. And I know you've said that to me too. More than once."

"It's not the same thing."

"Playing that card again, huh?"

Soda lifted his head off the pillow, turning to face Steve. "Cause it's true. It's not the same. No one abused me."

"No. But someone did come into a place, where you thought you were safe and-"

Soda flinched, burying his face back into the pillow he still held. "Don't. Don't say it."

Steve didn't finish his statement, but steeled himself for Soda's reaction in the face of honesty. He moved to where he was in front of his best friend, placing his hands on each of his shoulders. "Listen to me for a minute, buddy. You're right that we didn't go through the same thing at all, but I think you're using that to convince yourself that you don't need to talk about it or deal with it. Because you know what I've told you and what Darry told you is true, you're telling yourself what happened to you is different, so maybe shoving it down will work if you do it long enough."

"But it is different. So maybe I don't have to. Maybe it'll go away."

"Of course it's different, man. But from what I've seen so far, the ways our emotions and our minds deal..." Steve saw Soda's eyes looking back at him, their rapid blinking and the familiar shake of his body telling him his friend was trying hard not to cry. He pulled him closer, gently rubbing his back, both the sight before him and the knowledge of how Soda was suffering making a tear fall down his own face. "Well, that's a hell of a lot alike."


"Yeah, the door was unlocked, so I knew I couldn't be completely alone. But I prayed anyway. I knew God heard me, and I guess I didn't care if someone else did."

Audrey listened to Nicholas talk about the time he'd gone in the church to pray and found, not only an altar, but also her brother. "And Samuel's not ever been shy. So I'm not surprised he started talking to you."

Nicholas ran his first conversation with Samuel over in his head, convinced he'd never forget it. "I remember thinking he was wise to say what he did to me about my son. He didn't know really anything about why I was praying. Just that I was hurting. That Steve was hurting, and I wanted to help him."

"He's good at connecting with people, and he seems to really love you guys."

"We love him too. He's an amazing friend."

"If you don't mind me asking, what was it exactly that made you go in the church to pray that day when it had been so long?"

"I told you that me and Steve weren't always so close."

"Yes. You did."

"I was praying that day because he got really hurt when he was a kid. I didn't know about it at first. As soon as I found out, I put a stop to it. But he still suffered years later because of it."

"You put a stop to it? Do you mean someone did something to hurt him?"

"Yes. Someone I never should've trusted. It took me a long time to even start forgiving myself for that."

"How is Steve doing now then?"

"Much better. He went through the worst of it all not long before you moved here. He and I are also much better with each other now than the day I met Samuel in the church. The relationship we have has helped me to deal with what happened and forgive myself more than anything else has. I'd be lost without it."


"Darry? I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to make you mad at me or anything."

Darry felt his heart clench at Soda's words. "I'm not mad at you, little buddy. I'm sorry too, and I'm going to back off, okay?"

Soda went to his big brother, arms wrapping around him, as he made his simple admission. "But you're right, Darry. It is bothering me." He felt Darry hug him back and held on tighter, his voice barely a whisper. "It's bothering me a lot."