The darkness hovered above, before it came down in one fell swoop, though it was no match for the love that always shone through the pain.


"Hey, Sodapop, wake up. You're going to be late."

Soda groaned and rolled away from Pony's hand that was shaking his shoulder.

Pony, thinking of how his brothers got him to wake up when he was sleeping this hard, pulled Soda's blanket out of the way and brushed his fingers on the bottoms of his feet.

Soda jerked both feet away from the tickling touch. "Hmm...Don't want to wake up."

Pony smiled at his brother's reaction, then reached over him, sliding his fingers into his armpits.

Soda started to giggle, as he tried to push Pony's hands away. "No! I'm awake! I'm awake!" He opened his eyes, a refreshed feeling washing over him, as he started to tickle his little brother too. "See? I'm up and getting you back now!"

Pony laughed, as Soda was merciless in his revenge. "All right, all right."

Soda tickled Pony along his neck, before he gave in to his pleas. He ruffled his brother's hair, before turning to the open window.

Pony attempted to fix his messed up hair, as he caught his breath. "What is it?"

Soda stared at the beginning daylight, a realization coming to him. "Nothing, Pone. I just slept all the way through the whole night."


"Keep it up, and I'm going to shove you in this locker, TwoBit."

TwoBit eyed Steve's open locker up and down. "Nah. I'd never fit in there."

Steve closed the locker, before shoving TwoBit toward it. "Keep on going, and I'll aim to find out for sure."

"Aw, man, you'd never do that to me. You like me too much."

"You sure about that?"

"Yeah. I actually am." TwoBit smiled wide, all his self-confidence on display. "You don't know what you'd do without me, buddy."

"Yeah. I do. I'd have peace and quiet."

"But that's boring."

"And you're annoying as hell."

"I don't think hell is annoying. It's just hot."

Against his will, Steve laughed. "All right. You got me there."

"Oh. So you admit defeat!"

"Me? Defeat? Never."


"Hello, ma'am. How may I help you today?"

The red-haired woman in the gray car parked beside the gas pumps smiled back at Soda. "A full tank, please. And keep smiling like that, honey. You're a breath of fresh air."

Soda opened the car's gas cap, then started to lift the pump's nozzle with his right hand, only for a sharp pain to go through his fingers. He switched to his left hand, then positioned the nozzle to begin filling the tank, his grip on the lever keeping the gas pumping. "It feels good to smile. So I'll do my best."


"Hey, Steve! Wait up!"

Steve slowed his pace and turned at the sound of Evie's voice. "Oh. Hi."

Evie caught up with Steve, falling into step beside him. "So how are things? You've been on my mind a lot lately."

"Um, they're okay, I guess."

"How's Soda doing? He's been on my mind too."

"He's hanging in there. Went back to work yesterday."

"How about you?"

"I'm all right. Been worse. How about you?"

"Better. I, uh, maybe you don't really want to hear this, but I broke it off with Kenneth the other day."

"Oh. Sorry to hear that."

"Yeah. We were never even almost serious, but it's still kind of tough."

"Yeah. I'm sure it is."

Evie gave Steve a smile and touched his shoulder. "Well, I gotta go. But I'll see you later, Steve."

Steve watched Evie walk away, his mind one of emerging curiosity. "Sure. I'll see you later, Evie."


"But you didn't win the bet, buddy. You rigged it! I have proof!"

"I won fair and square. So cut it out, and give me the money, man!"

Soda heard the two customers, who were still hanging around inside the station, guys not much older than himself, arguing back and forth. He tried to shut the words out, but found he couldn't, as his heart began to race.

"No! I ain't giving you the twenty bucks. Just forget it, dude."

"Aw, you know you owe me anyway. So just give me the damn money."

"Give me the money, kid!"

Soda heard the voice in the present, though the one of the past was beginning to eclipse it.

"Hey, Sodapop, I just have to finish up this paperwork and then-"

Soda drew in a fast breath, as he heard Mr. Coleman's voice speaking to him. "Huh? I- I'm sorry. I'm just not-"

"Where's the key? Hurry up and unlock the damn thing. I don't got all night!"

Mr. Coleman set the paperwork he held down on the counter, as Soda bent forward, hands on his knees.

"How about we make another bet? And it'll be double?"

"You're on. Get ready to owe me forty bucks."

"I said hurry up, kid! Don't think I won't shoot you!"

Soda could feel Mr. Coleman lay a hand on his back, the touch a double-edged sword that offered support, as it also reminded him of where he was.

"Yeah. All right, let's just get on out of here. I got other stuff to do."

"Okay. Sure. Let's split. It looks like something's going on over there anyway. Hey, is he okay?"

Mr. Coleman nodded, though he was uncertain of the truth. "Yes. He'll be all right." He ignored the lingering glances of the two customers, as they made their way back to the parking lot, turning his attention back to Soda. "What's happening, Sodapop?"

"I'm done with you, kid. I don't have time for this."

Soda shifted his gaze up to look at his boss. "Sorry. I just need a minute. I'll be- I'll be all right."

"Are you sure? You're shaking a lot."

"Yeah. Just need to calm down." You're not alone, Soda told himself. Mr. Coleman is here. This is not that night.

Mr. Coleman watched, as Soda stood up straighter and laid his hands on the counter top. "Is there something I should do?"

Soda shook his head, as he forced his eyes to look around, though the present currently invaded by his memories didn't provide the same sense of comfort as his own home. It's okay, he told himself. It's just the station.

Mr. Coleman gripped Soda's shoulder, as if to steady him in any way he could. "Do you need to go home?"

"No. I want to stay. Please don't make me go home. I need to stay."

"Take it easy, Sodapop. I wasn't going to make you go. I just wanted to know if that's what you need."

The bell dinged, signaling a customer's arrival, and Soda jumped, the sound melding with the voice and the images that still tumbled through his mind. He closed his eyes, then opened them again, focusing on the faces of the woman and young child who had just come inside, as the sound of the gunshot joined the chorus of memories.

Mr. Coleman saw Soda start to shake more, as he looked like he may not remain upright for much longer. "Hey, Sodapop, come sit down in the break room, okay? You look like you might collapse."

Soda felt Mr. Coleman guide him away from the counter and to the back of the station, detachment shielding him from the humiliation attempting to set in.

Mr. Coleman led Soda into the break room and settled him on the couch. "You just sit here and calm down, all right? Try to relax."

Soda nodded, numbness joining ranks with the despair that had only given him a brief reprieve, before it returned to swallow him into its depths that were frozen in the cold tide of hopelessness.


"Hey, Mr. Coleman. Where's Sodapop?"

Mr. Coleman glanced at the clock, as he spoke to Steve, who had just stepped through the door of the station. "I wasn't expecting you just yet."

Steve shoved his car keys in the pocket of his pants, knowing he was early. "Yeah. I left school a little sooner than usual, I guess. So where's Soda?"

Mr. Coleman motioned toward the back of the station. "Sitting down in the break room. He got kind of worked up a little bit ago. I'm not sure why yet. But I think he needed to relax."

"Damn it. I was afraid of that happening here."

"Well, I can't say I'm shocked cause I'm not at all. I just don't know why it happened right then."

"Since I'm here early, I'll go see if he's calmed down." Steve went in the direction of the break room, finding the door was open. He looked in and saw Soda on the couch, facing the back windows. "Hey, man, you doing okay?"

Soda hung his head, not turning around to see Steve. "Not really."

Steve closed the door to the break room, before sitting beside his best friend. "Coleman said you got worked up, that you needed to sit down and relax."

"Yeah. I did."

"You seem pretty calm now."

"I guess I am."

"So what happened?"

"It's stupid, Stevie."

"I doubt that."

"These two guys were in the station talking. One of them said something."

"To you?"

"No. To the other guy."

"Okay."

"This is so damn embarrassing. It's not like he was talking to me, and even if he had been, it shouldn't matter."

"Whatever it is, it did matter, man, or it wouldn't have bothered you."

"They had a bet or something, and he told the other guy to give him the money."

Steve recognized the words, understanding dawning on him, along with the swell of empathy that now seemed so familiar. "That's not stupid, Sodapop. Not even a little bit."

"You're my best friend, it's your job to tell me that."

"No. It's my job to tell you the truth, so that's what I'm doing. And speaking of jobs, I need to go punch in soon."

"Yeah. I should go on back and finish my shift too. I think I'm okay. Better than I was anyway."

"Come on then, buddy. But we'll talk later cause I should tell you something that happened to me too. Then, maybe you won't feel as bad."


"Nice work, Curtis! You can get on out of here now."

Darry started to tell Mr. Sanders he'd stay. "But, Sir-"

Mr. Sanders cut him off. "I'll pay you for the last hour. Now, go home, Darry. I'll see you in the morning."


"Steve, you can head into the garage and work on that pick-up truck that came in yesterday."

Steve took the paperwork Mr. Coleman handed him and started toward the door that led to the garage. "Sure thing, Sir. Shouldn't take long."

Mr. Coleman went over to the time clock, beginning to punch out for the day. "But even if you're not finished, be back inside in half an hour."

Steve nodded, as he disappeared from sight, the door closing behind him.

Mr. Coleman turned to Soda, as he finished up with the time clock. "You look better, Sodapop."

Soda fidgeted with the items he was putting on the shelf closest to the counter. "Yeah, I am, Sir. Sorry about that. It won't happen again."

"All right, but I don't think it's your fault. I've known you a long time, and I've never seen you freeze up like you did. You seemed scared."

"I guess I was. That kind of stuff has been happening a lot."

"Well, that makes sense, so don't feel bad about it. You got shot less than three weeks ago, Sodapop. Right here where we're standing. So I didn't expect you to just be great right away."

"Thanks for being so understanding, Sir. I know you don't have to be."

"Hey, I'm a good boss, right? I'd be a jerk if I weren't understanding about something like this. You have those tests tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah. Darry is taking me at about 9:00 in the morning. I don't know how long it'll take."

"So just come in when you're done, and make sure you let me know anything your doctor tells you about what's going on. Like I told you, we'll figure it all out."


"I know I've said some things that must make you wonder what it is I haven't told you yet."

Audrey looked at Nicholas, as she sat down in the chair across from him. "Yes. You have. But I just decided you'd tell me whatever it is when you're ready. I know it must be something hard, or you'd have just said it."

Nicholas lifted his elbows onto the table that was covered in a green and yellow checkered cloth. "It is hard, and like I said, it's something that also involves my son. So I had to talk to him about this first to make sure he'd be okay with me telling you what happened."

"I assume he is since we're talking now? You said someone hurt him. Is that what you're going to tell me about?"

"Yes. It is." Nicholas felt himself hesitate, the words he needed to speak getting stuck in his throat. "I'm sorry. I've talked about this before. A lot, actually. But it's still tough to start."

"It's okay. Take your time."

"About two years after Rose passed away, I got into a relationship. One that got serious rather quickly. Her name was Clara."

"Okay."

"She seemed like a decent person. She was nice to Steve, which of course, was very important to me."

"Of course. So how old was he then?"

"He was about eleven. Clara moved in with us, and things seemed okay. I thought she was good for me and for Steve. He and I both were still hurting over losing his mother. I thought maybe being with Clara could help us, and I was falling for her."

"Were things not okay with her, like you thought?"

"No, they weren't okay at all. But I didn't know. I didn't know she was this sort of person. I had no idea. I was letting her spend time with my son. I was sleeping with her and so blind to anything else. Which, I know now, is exactly what she wanted."

"What happened? What did she do?"

Nicholas looked at Audrey, his eyes meeting hers, able to see a soul that he knew he could trust. "Clara sexually abused Steve."


"Hey, little buddy, how was work?"

Soda kicked the shoes off his feet, as he answered Darry's question. "Not great, Dar." He looked at his big brother, seeing his still-wet hair and the fresh clothes he wore. "Hey, you got off early, huh?"

Darry picked his wallet up off the kitchen counter and opened it, counting the cash inside. "Yeah. Sanders is paying me for the hour I missed too."

"That's good of him. Coleman's being real nice to me."

"When hasn't he been?"

"Yeah, but it's different now. I'm more trouble than I'm worth."

Darry tossed his wallet back down on the counter and pulled a chair up to sit right in front of Soda. "More trouble than you're worth, huh?"

Soda started to stand, only to feel Darry's hand grip his shoulder and push him back down into the chair. "It just came out, okay? I won't say it anymore."

Darry kept his hold on Soda. "No, it didn't just come out. You are not more trouble than you're worth, Sodapop. That is not true, and it will never be true."

"Sorry, Dar. I didn't have a good afternoon."

"Then, tell me what happened, little buddy, instead of sitting here and putting yourself down."

"I had a flashback at work, and Mr. Coleman was standing right there."

"From what you just said, I'm guessing he was nice about it?"

"Yeah. He was. He let me sit in the break room for a little while, so I could calm down, and he told me not to feel bad."

"And you shouldn't. It's not like you meant for that to happen."

"Steve came in not long after and talked to me before he punched in. He didn't think I should feel bad either."

"So what does that tell you?"

"All of you are saying the same thing?"

"Well, yeah, but don't you think that could mean you're being too hard on yourself?"

"I don't know. Maybe. It was embarrassing."

Darry let go of Soda's shoulder, as he thought about how to change his brother's perspective. "I want you to step back for a minute, little buddy, and think about what you'd say to somebody else. I've never known anyone who has the understanding and compassion that you do. So, if this happened to someone else, and they were feeling bad, what would you say?"


"It wasn't something he told me. I don't think he ever would have either."

Audrey listened to Nicholas describe what had transpired during his relationship with Clara, tears in her eyes, as she thought of a young Steve suffering in such a terrible way. "So how did you find out?"

Nicholas continued the story of the past that had done so much to shape his relationship with Steve. "I found her in his room in the middle of the night. She was on the bed with him, and he was crying, begging for her to stop."

"So you caught her? What did you do?"

"She got away from Steve, as soon as she saw me. She tried to say he was having a nightmare, and she was comforting him. But I knew I'd just seen her touching my son. I told her to get out of our house."

"She must've listened. She couldn't have possibly expected to stay after that."

"She did try to argue, but I was very angry. Steve and I have been through our rough patches with one another, but no matter how blind I was then or have been since, I'd do anything to protect him. If Clara hadn't left, I might've killed her for treating him the way she did."

"How was Steve after this?"

"He had a hard time, and I'm afraid I was no help back then. Because I just didn't know how. He tried to talk to me, and I didn't let him."

"Why not?"

"Because I was selfish, honestly. But I also thought that was best. I thought the two of us should move on. Especially after we heard that Clara had killed herself. I didn't want to think about what happened because I felt guilty and because I didn't want Steve to hurt."

"Of course you didn't. So she killed herself right after this happened?"

"Yes. Pretty soon after. She was actually staying with Pastor David's wife, and she's the one who found her when she died."

"Grace?"

"Yes. Grace. She sat down with both Steve and me just months ago, so we could all talk. She recognized me when I first started going to church again. She came to our house back then to tell me about Clara. I didn't listen to much of what she had to say at the time though."

"How did she know Clara?"

"They were sort of friends. Not close, but they happened to meet in town. But of course, Clara didn't tell her what actually happened before she left our house. When Samuel and I first met, neither of us had any idea about the connection until Grace said something to him about it."

"You told me you and Steve weren't always close. Is all of this why?"

"Yeah. It's exactly why. Because I drank, instead of being there for him. We didn't discuss the abuse. I handled everything the wrong way because I couldn't cope with the fact that I'd been in a relationship with a woman, who would abuse my son. I was so intent on avoiding it, I didn't even realize what I was doing to him."


"Never mind, Darry. I don't want to think about this anymore."

Darry stood to his feet, at the same time Soda did, the declaration from the middle brother not entirely unexpected. "That's because you know I was about to tell you that you need to give yourself some of that same understanding."

Soda rubbed a hand over his face, letting it cover his eyes for a moment, as he closed them. "Okay. I hear you, Dar, and you're right. I'll try. I promise."

"Please do try, little buddy. I hate to see you hurting yourself more. You don't deserve that. You wouldn't expect somebody else to go back to work after getting shot there and be all right at first. I know you wouldn't."

Soda sighed, giving in to Darry's point that he knew held the truth. "Yeah. I know that too."

Darry went to Soda's side and put a hand on his shoulder, his heart leading him to go back to the words his little brother had spoken earlier. "It's impossible for you to ever be more trouble than you're worth because you are no trouble at all. Do you hear me?"

"Yes. I hear you."

"And you're worth more than I can even say, little buddy. I don't have the words for how much you mean to me. I know I'm not the only one either. So whatever you're feeling, always remember that."


"So, as much as it doesn't sound like it was a real relationship, Clara's the last woman you were with?"

Nicholas thought back over his history, the time he'd spent lost within himself, attempting to burn the bridge that would always connect back to his son's abuse, as he answered Audrey's question. "Yes. She is. I honestly didn't even think about dating anymore after that. I just wasn't in the place for it."

Audrey could see the pain on Nicholas' face, not surprised that it made her hurt for him. "I understand why you wouldn't be. I can see, as I've said, that you and Steve are so amazing now. What made you get close?"

"We got everything out in the open. The memories of the abuse started coming back to him almost a year ago, though I know now he never did forget, like I tried to believe he would. I should've known he couldn't do that. Not after what Clara did to him. But it really started affecting him badly, and he was hurting so much from the feelings he'd kept inside all those years."

"So do you mean you finally talked about the abuse?"

"Yes. We talked a lot. About the abuse, about Clara's death, about our relationship. Everything. We put all of our pain out there for each other to see so many times, and as hard as it was, both of us did a lot of healing."


Soda stepped into the bath tub, as the running faucet filled it with warm water. He sat down, immersing his lower body into the cleansing liquid, its warmth beginning to lather a calm over his physical senses.

The tub continued to fill, as Soda reclined back, careful not to soak his healing arm that currently wore no bandage. He relaxed into the water that promised to soothe him, feeling it rise to the middle of his body, the tranquility it held beckoning him into its stillness.


"Needless to say, Steve and I definitely had to talk before I asked you out. We both had to reassure each other."

Audrey felt herself smile, despite the seriousness of the conversation she and Nicholas were having. "He seems okay about us being together."

Nicholas smiled back at her, remembering how Steve had encouraged him. "He is. I think I was more hesitant than he has been, honestly. But please know that's nothing at all to do with you. It's because the last person I chose to trust hurt my son. It's also because I even thought I loved her. That's painful, even though it seems like nothing compared to how Steve suffered."

"It hurts to be betrayed in any way, especially by someone you believe cares about you. I think, even more so, when they did something like what Clara did. Because it's not like you can even begin to understand why."

"Steve actually wasn't the only child she abused. I don't have the whole story, but Clara said things that lead me to believe she did it to her own son too. Knowing that, it's even harder to feel any grief over her death because I'm sure she would've abused another child, if she'd had the chance."

"I'm not sure if there's anything I can do or say, and of course, Steve's much older now. But if you and I do stay together, I want you to know I'd never hurt him intentionally. You either, Nicholas."

"I know that. But thank you for saying it. I've told Steve over and over I'll be here for him, no matter what. Even if you and I get very serious, I'm his dad, and I won't do anything to hurt the relationship we have now."


Soda listened to the sound of the flowing water until it had nearly filled the tub. He turned the faucet off, before reclining back once more. He slid further down into the water, allowing it to envelope him.

Soda let his head lie back against the surface of the tub, its coolness complementing the warmth of the bath. He felt the water move over his chest, inviting him in with its gentle waves that were barely there. He dipped his head into the bath, soaking his hair with the water that flowed along his shoulders and neck. Staying still and closing his eyes, Soda felt only the water, his thoughts mesmerized by its nature, his senses craving more of the cleansing it could bring.

As his body reveled in the relaxation, Soda's mind took a turn, making the water's warmth fall prey to the coldness that continued to stir within him. He drew in a breath and held it, before letting his head sink further, the water moving over his ears, then immersing his closed eyes and mouth.

Soda didn't move, the sights and sounds of the world around him shut off, as he remained underwater. The need to breathe didn't rise above the impulse to hold himself there, succumbing to a baptism born of neither hope nor deliverance.