Life attempted to keep going, picking up the pieces, as hearts hoped for healing and prayers met the face of Heaven.


The basketball circled the rim of the goal, hovering, before it dropped away and bounced on the concrete.

Darry caught the ball, as he patted Soda's shoulder. "You almost had it, little buddy."

Soda shrugged, smiling at his big brother. "Damn. It looked like I did for a second there." He watched as Darry took a shot, and the ball went right into the basket. "Nice one, Dar."

Darry high-fived Soda, before he retrieved the ball and bounced it to his brother. "I don't even know the last time we did this."

Soda dribbled the ball, the sound of it bouncing on the concrete ringing in his ears. "Me neither." He took a shot toward the basket, making it this time.

Darry caught the ball that bounced toward him and dribbled it, before shooting and making another basket. "I'm not even rusty though, am I, little brother?"

Soda went after the ball that was bouncing away from them, grabbing it before he sat down on the ground and grinned up at Darry. "Nope. You're not. Even if you are kind of old now."

Darry sat down beside Soda, ruffling his hair, before giving him a shove. "Oh, but I ain't too old to take you right here and now, little buddy. You better watch it."

Soda laughed, as he shoved Darry back. "Man, I missed this."

"Missed what? Me showing my muscles off on you?"

Soda stared at Darry smiling, as he shook his head. "No, Dar."

"What then?"

"I missed just being your little brother." Soda got to his feet, holding the ball, as he looked up at the basket, then back at Darry. "I missed it more than I even knew."


"Shh. It's okay, honey. I promise. You had a fever, but it's starting to break. You're going to be just fine."

Vivian groaned, as she opened her eyes to see Samuel at her side, his voice an anchor of security. "What happened? Why am I sick?"

Samuel sat on the edge of his wife's hospital bed, looking right into her hazel eyes that held both the bleariness of deep sleep and the sorrow that encompassed her heart. "We're not sure, sweetheart. But you got some medicine to bring the fever down and antibiotics. So they're taking care of you."

"How long have I been here?"

"Since this morning. It's still Sunday. As long as everything goes okay, you can still go home tomorrow morning."

"Oh. But how can everything go okay?" Vivian turned her head, burrowing her face into the pillow, as a tear slid down her cheek. "How can anything go okay when our baby's gone?"


"I just can't begin to imagine. I don't even want to imagine what she's going through right now."

Nicholas agreed with Audrey. "I know. When Samuel called me, he was so upset, I could barely make sense of what he was saying. Or maybe I didn't want to believe it either."

Audrey leaned on Nicholas, waves of sympathy flowing through her, as she thought of her brother and her sister-in-law. "I know Vivian wants another baby more than anything in the world. And as much as the whole idea scares Samuel, there's nothing he'd love more."

"I remember when he first told me about Matthew. I'd had no idea at all."

"I wish you could've met him. He was such a sweet little boy. I won't ever forget when Samuel called and told me what happened. I really thought it was going to destroy him."

"From everything he's told me, it came pretty close. Now, I can't even think about them losing Matthew without looking at Steve and reminding myself I can never take him for granted."


"Why are you looking at me like that, Kid?"

Pony's gaze moved back down to the homework in front of him, before he responded to Steve's question. "No reason."

Steve shrugged, as he looked out the front window.

"Didn't Soda just leave your house a couple hours ago?"

"Yeah. So?"

"And you're over here already?"

"Nah, Kid. I ain't here. I'm a figment of your overactive imagination."

"Well, at least I have an imagination. You wouldn't know a creative thought if it bounced right off your head."

Steve started to laugh, having not expected this reaction to his sarcastic reply. "Man, that's an image."

"It is, huh?" Pony smiled, as he looked at Steve. "And if I were going to imagine someone in my house, don't you think it'd be someone besides you anyway?"

"Nah. Cause I'm the best, Kid. Don't you know that by now?"


"Hey, Stevie, you should've seen it. I beat Darry's ass in basketball."

Steve caught the ball Soda tossed to him, seeing the smile lighting up his best friend's face. "Oh yeah?"

Darry followed Soda up the porch steps, then pulled him into a headlock. "I think you got it backwards, little buddy."

Steve watched the brothers, smiling at them, as he sat down on the porch swing. "I think I believe Superman on this one, buddy."

Soda felt Darry's fist mess up his hair, before his brother let him go. He turned to Steve, still grinning. "Traitor."

Darry spoke, as he started to open the front door. "I'm going to go jump in the shower, then I'll make us-" He stopped when Soda's arms wound around him in a tight embrace. "You okay, Sodapop?"

Soda felt Darry hug him back and remained silent for a few moments, before answering. "Yeah. But thank you, Dar."

Darry shared a look with Steve, able to read the same concern and question in the younger man's expression. "For what?"

Soda held on tighter, as he focused on getting his thoughts into words at the same time the present blurred in front of him. "For being my big brother and for taking care of me and everything. I know you didn't have to."

Darry stroked his brother's hair that he'd messed up only minutes earlier, the contrast in those moments touching him. "But I wanted to, little buddy. I'll always want to."

Soda pulled away from the hug, his smile slipping back into place. "I know that, Dar."

Darry grinned at Soda, as he squeezed his shoulder. "All right. I'm going to head inside."

Steve met Darry's eyes, nodding at him in silent promise, as the older man went in the house.

Soda sat down on the porch swing, whistling, as his foot tapped the concrete.

Steve felt Soda's hand on his shoulder, noticing when his grip grew tighter. "You all right, man?"

"Just trying not to get lost in it, Stevie. It helps to hang onto someone, doesn't it?"

"Buddy, are you having a flashback?"

"Yeah. It came out of nowhere when me and Darry got back just now."

Steve heard Soda resume the whistling, still feeling the tight grip on his shoulder. It can help to hang onto someone, he thought. He put his arm around his best friend. It can also help if someone hangs onto you.


"How do I do this, God? She's right. Nothing can be okay. I know I told you I'm sorry about it, but I'm still angry. You didn't have to do it, God. You didn't have to take the baby. I was trying. You know I was trying to trust you!"


"Breathe, buddy. Please. There's nothing to be scared of."

The mask runs away. Blood pours from the wound. Too much? What if I stop breathing?

"Sodapop, come on, man. Breathe and talk to me. Tell me what's going on in your head."

Will he come back and shoot me again? Blood dripping onto the floor. What if I die here?

"You're scaring me, buddy. Please say something. You're too still."

Brown eyes meet blue ones. I need help, or I'll die. A deep breath. Please hurry, Darry. I don't want to die. More small breaths. Please help me.


"So how am I supposed to trust you now, God? Nicholas is right. I love you. I'll always love you, God. But how can I have any faith?"


"It doesn't make sense, Stevie."

Steve stayed beside Soda, internally shaken from what he'd just witnessed. "What doesn't make sense?"

Soda stared at his lap, the images and sensations of the past still moving through his consciousness. "I didn't want to die that night."

"Of course you didn't, man."

"It scared me so much to think I could."

"I know."

"In the hospital too. When I had that reaction to the medicine. I felt real funny. I didn't want to die."

"So what doesn't make sense?"

"How could I ever want to now then? Or look back and wish I had? How could I think about trying?"

"I think it's different, buddy. I know it's different. Remember what I've told you before about me? How it's not really about wanting to die?"

"Yeah. I remember."

"Laura calls it emotional distress. It's cause you're hurting, and you just want that pain to go away."

"Does it ever still happen to you?"

"Does what still happen to me?"

"Those kinds of thoughts."

"Yeah. I don't know for sure, but it seems like once you have them, it's easy for them to come back again."

"It's not as bad now, right?"

"No. It's not as bad at all."

"You can still tell me about that, you know. Nothing changed."

"I do know that, buddy. I know nothing changed, and I can always come to you with anything."

Soda felt himself begin to fall into another daze, his body going still.

Steve gently shook Soda's shoulder. "Hey, man, stay with me."

Darry stuck his head out the door. "Hey, little buddy. Dinner's ready. Did Pony happen to tell you where he was going tonight?"

Steve stared at Soda, the silence bothering him. "Sodapop, Darry's talking to you. You need to breathe too, buddy. Just like I said earlier."

Darry stepped all the way onto the porch, drawing near his brother. "Hey, Sodapop. What's going on?"

Soda remained still and quiet, his eyes not looking up at Darry.

Steve shook Soda's shoulder again. "Please, Soda. Please breathe. I can't- I hate seeing you like this."

Darry crouched down in front of Soda, his own face close to his brother's. "I think you're okay, little buddy. You look like you're spacing out quite a bit though. But Steve's right. You gotta breathe."

Soda's gaze shifted to Darry, his chest rising and falling one time.

Steve put his hand on Soda's shoulder, holding on, even as he looked away from his best friend, panic and fear making tears edge into his eyes.

Darry glanced at Steve, a suggestion dying on his lips, as he realized the younger man wouldn't even consider it. He turned back to Soda, giving him a small smile. "I promise you're all right, Pepsi Cola. You want to come in and eat? It's nothing special, but I made chicken and mashed potatoes. Of course, it's all a normal color."

Soda slowly nodded, his breathing becoming steady. "Okay, Dar."

Steve felt himself let out a breath, as he squeezed Soda's shoulder. He pushed back the tears, before turning to look at his best friend. "You all right now, buddy?"

Soda gave another nod, as he looked back at Steve. "Yeah. I think so."

Darry remained crouched down in front of Soda, keeping an eye on him. "You coming in and eating too, Steve? There's plenty."

Steve released Soda's shoulder, then pulled a pack of cigarettes and a lighter out of his pocket. "Uh, maybe in a little bit, Superman."

Soda watched Steve light one of the cigarettes, his own distress not stopping him from recognizing that of his best friend. "You okay, Stevie?"

Steve took a drag off his cigarette, before replying. "Yeah. I'm fine. You guys go on and eat. I'm just going to sit out here for a few minutes."

Darry stood to his full height, as he nodded at Steve. "Sure. I'll make you a plate. Come on, little buddy. I'm hungry."

Soda's gaze lingered on Steve, as he started to follow Darry into the house.

Steve puffed on his cigarette, his eyes locking with Soda's. "You can go, man." You scared me, he thought. I couldn't even stay calm enough. "I'll be in in a few minutes." Seeing you that still made me want to panic. "Don't worry about me." I couldn't even see that you were breathing. And right now, I don't want you to see me cry.


Samuel pressed his hand to Vivian's forehead, able to feel that her skin was now much cooler. "See? You're okay, honey."

Vivian's eyes fluttered open, her body less groggy than it had been earlier. She reached for Samuel's hand. "How are you doing?"

"I'm okay. Just worried about you."

"I love you, Samuel."

"I love you too."

"We're going to get through this." Vivian pressed Samuel's hand to her chest, holding it right over her heart. "We're going to get through it together."


"Kid, I swear you have the worst timing lately."

Pony looked at Steve, who was on the hood of his Ford, the evening darkness still allowing him to see the tears on his cheeks. "What's that mean?"

Steve rubbed a hand down his face, though he knew there was no hiding the expression of emotion already there. "Nothing. Never mind, Pony."

"And I used to think Greasers didn't cry."

"So I take it you now know that's bullshit, right?"

"Yeah. I do."

"Everybody cries, Kid. Whether you see it or not. I don't even give a damn who sees me anymore."

"So..." Pony stepped closer to Steve, glancing at his house. "Are you okay then? Is Soda?"

"Yeah, Pony. I just got shook up is all. Don't worry about it."

"Oh."

"Crying ain't got anything to do with being a Greaser. Not that I know what that means anymore anyway."

"Yeah. I don't think I do either."

"I mean, so what I don't got a lot of money and live on this side of town? So what if I put grease in my hair and got hauled in once for some stupid shit?"

Pony found himself grinning at Steve. "So what if you can lift a hubcap so fast, no one ever catches you?"

Steve chuckled, in spite of the lump still caught in his throat. "Damn right, Kid. I know how to keep it quiet too. Don't forget that."

"None of it matters anymore, does it?"

"Nah. I don't think it ever did either." Steve slid off the hood of the Ford, as he stared at the Curtis' house, able to see the porch light flicker on, while Soda and Darry both moved about within. "Cause the only thing I know that does matter is we're all human."


"Sodapop, I swear if you apologize for anything else, I'll clock you one."

Soda started to speak again, only to hold back when he saw the expression that accompanied Steve's threat. "But it's true. I am."

Steve's face softened, as he dropped down beside Soda, an arm automatically going around his shoulders. "I know, man. I think you just got too overwhelmed by the memories and what you were thinking about. I've been the same way, and you were there for me too."

"Yeah. I remember that. There's no way I could forget it."

"I didn't tell you this then, but you and my dad, you made me feel safe. I could just be, you know? Cause you guys were both holding onto me. You were my anchors when I couldn't get out of my own head enough to even move or talk."

"That was scary to me, Stevie. Seeing you like that. I think it helped me too for your dad to be there. It helped me stay calm. I remember praying for you and holding your hand and telling you it's okay."

"And that helped, buddy. It really did. I wish I could've been that calm tonight. But you were so still, and it fuckin' terrified me."

"What matters is you were here with me. It felt like I was just falling into my thoughts, you know? And I was having a hard time climbing back out."

"Yeah. I know, man. I know what you mean." Steve put his other arm around Soda and hugged him. "I'm going to head home, okay, buddy?" But I don't really want to, he thought. "I'll see you sometime tomorrow." Because, right now, I hate leaving your side.


Steve zipped up his backpack, the sound buzzing in his ears, before he set it aside and went down the hall to Nicholas' bedroom. He lightly knocked, as he looked inside. "Hey, Dad?"

Nicholas closed the desk drawer he'd been looking through, a yawn escaping him. "Yeah, Son?"

Steve stepped inside the room and sat down on his dad's bed. "I know it's been a really long day. But I think I'm feeling kind of overwhelmed and stuff and- I don't know."

Nicholas saw Steve press his face into his hands, as he sat down beside him. "I can see how you would, Son. It's all right."

Steve drew in a deep breath, letting it out, as he looked at Nicholas. "Did you hear from Samuel anymore?"

"I haven't. But I'm sure I will tomorrow."

"I hope so. I want to talk to him, Dad. I mean, I can't do anything. But, you know, he's a good friend. To you and to me. To Soda too."

"He is."

"Remember that night when I came in here and asked for a hug? Then asked you to pray for me?"

"Of course I do."

"I needed that comfort and everything so bad that night."

"I could tell."

"Soda asked me to pray for him earlier. I mean, he's done that before, but he meant he wanted me to pray right then. So I did."

"I know God hears you too, Son. I know he's listening."

"Then, tonight, Soda and me, we were sitting outside. He was acting sort of weird, but then, he told me he was having a flashback. He was doing stuff, trying to stop it from being too bad."

"Did that help?"

"It seemed to at first. But then, he got all dazed and was really still. Like I did that night I was just talking about. But I don't think I was that damn still. I kept telling him to please breathe, Dad. I tried to get him to talk to me."

Nicholas put his arm around Steve, rubbing his shoulder. "So did he?"

"Yeah. He took this deep breath and looked straight at me. A few minutes later, he started talking, and I guess he must've been going back to right after he got shot. Cause he was talking about how he didn't want to die that night. But it wasn't over yet, Dad. It happened again, and I swear I was about to fall apart."

Nicholas pulled Steve into his chest. "I'm sorry that happened, Son. I'm sorry Sodapop's going through all this."

"I knew I shouldn't panic, but I couldn't help it. It didn't even look like he was breathing at all. He was so still, Dad. It's like I knew what was happening, but I still felt like I was losing my best friend."

"You've already been so scared of losing him more than once, so I understand."

"Darry came outside and started talking to Soda. He was so much calmer than me, telling him he was okay and stuff."

Nicholas squeezed Steve tightly. "I'm so proud of you, Son."

"You're the second person to tell me that today."

"Oh yeah?"

"Soda said he's proud of me for graduating."

"I'm proud of you for that too." Nicholas pulled away to look at Steve, his eyes meeting those of his son. "But please hear me say I'm the most proud of the person and the friend that you are, and I'm so thankful to call you my son."


"I ain't lost inside my own head anymore, Darry. I'm fine now."

Darry couldn't help but sigh at Soda's declaration, his disbelief clear. "You were awfully spaced out, little buddy. What was that?"

Soda let out a sigh of his own, able to hear the sound of the shower running in the background. "I had a flashback, then got too deep in thought after. It was nothing."

"Nothing? Are we back to that again?"

"Back to what?"

"You trying to brush stuff off like it's not a big deal when it obviously is. Like when you told me you just had a bad night."

Soda heard the shower go off, as he gave voice to his thoughts. "Fine. You want to know, Dar? I was sitting there like that cause I can't get over how I didn't want to die that night at the DX. I knew I could bleed to death, and that scared the shit out of me. I go back to when I was sitting there waiting for you, and I'm scared all over again. I hugged you so damn tight earlier cause that's where my head was!"

Darry stayed silent, laying a hand on Soda's shoulder, willing the comfort and support to keep him talking.

Neither brother had heard the bathroom door open, unaware that a third set of ears was now listening on the other side of Soda's partially open bedroom door.

"He had on a mask, and he told me to give him the money. I wasn't fast enough cause I was shakin' so much. That's how it happened, Dar. He said he was done with me, and then, he shot me." Soda felt his breathing speed up, his voice growing unsteady, as he grabbed Darry's hand. "I keep thinking of how I wanted to live that night, but now, I'm always feeling like I don't. Not if I keep hurting all the time. It doesn't even sound so bad to die."

Darry didn't have time to reply, before Soda's door flew all the way open.

Pony, a mix of tears and anger on his face, rushed at Soda, hands reaching out to shake his middle brother. "How could you even talk like that? I love you more than anyone in the world, Sodapop! How could you say you want to die?"

Darry reached for Pony's arm, the firm grip making his youngest brother stop shaking Soda. "Easy, Kiddo. Everything's going to be all right."

Pony's gaze locked with his oldest brother's blue eyes. "That's bullshit, Darry, and you know it. Our brother's saying he doesn't want to live, so how can it ever been all right?" He turned back to Soda. "Have you even thought about what that would do to us? You know what it's like to lose people you love, so how could you ever say any of this shit?"

Darry saw the pained expression on Soda's face, as his middle brother remained frozen and didn't even attempt to speak. "Ponyboy, stop. You gotta stop, Kiddo. I know you're upset, but this isn't going to help."

Pony pulled away from Darry's hand that had tried to draw him closer. "So what am I supposed to do, huh? Just listen to him say that stuff? Is that what you and Steve did all this weekend when you were obviously trying to keep something from me?"

Darry stood to his feet, going closer to Pony, even as he continued to back farther away. "Pony, it's okay. We're supposed to listen. That's what Soda needs."

Pony ran from the room, knowing Darry was on his heels. He made his way down the hall and across the house, before he went out the front door.

Darry ran onto the porch, an unwelcome memory in his mind, as fear laced his voice. "Ponyboy! Come back here now!"

Pony stopped in his tracks, feeling the tears on his face, as he stood near the sidewalk and turned back to look at Darry. "Don't worry, okay? I can't be here right now, but I swear I'll be back later. I promise, Dar. I ain't going to run away again."


A loud knock startled the two men inside the house. The younger one glanced at the older and shrugged, before looking out the front window. The sight on the porch made him hurry to fling the door open, his body already filled with anticipatory dread.


The pain within the middle brother led him to fight, even as his big brother's arms wouldn't let go, keeping him wrapped in their fierce hold of comfort and protection.