'

Falling in lov-, no, developing feelings for someone against your will, was insufferable, Rey concluded as she trudged downstairs with a puffy face.

On the bright side, however, it did mean you slept very little and you could go about your duties nice and early, and so avoid the object of your reluctant attraction.

It was so early that she was done with the upstairs before breakfast time, and took a cup of tea out to the garden. She settled on a carved stone bench as she watched the last pinks of the sunrise give way to blue, reflected in the still mirror of the lake.

It was a view she happily got lost in, for a few moments pretending everything was normal and as it should be, as she watched birds fly overhead and the first few boats set out across the water, perhaps for early fishing.

It occurred to her that her mood always fluctuated during her crimson visitor, sometimes she would be weepy or unusually angry, so it was likely that this was all it was. She would live to get over it and things would go back to how they should be.

Already feeling a little better after that revelation, she went back inside for more tea and fetched the pile of things awaiting mending, taking everything outside so she could sit in the sunshine as she worked.

It felt a little like a holiday, being outside in the fresh air, feeling the warmth on her skin as she busied herself, and she lost all sense of the time.

"Rey!"

Blinking, slightly startled, Rey turned to find Poe walking over to her, looking concerned.

"Are you well? We missed you at breakfast?"

With a blush, she realised she not only missed breakfast but hadn't informed anyone where she had gone. "Oh, forgive me, I didn't sleep well last night so I came down early, what is the time?"

"Almost eight o'clock," Poe said with a frown, as he looked her over, "Is the Sweet-sleep not helping anymore?"

With a wry smile, Rey shook her head, "It stops my bad dreams," she bit her lip and decided she didn't wish to elaborate on any other sorts of dreams, "But If I am wakeful it doesn't send me to sleep."

"Huh," Poe rubbed his chin, "You could try taking a little brandy before bed? Or I can cut you some lavender, people say the scent is restful."

Never having particularly liked strong drink, unless it was called for in a recipe, Rey dismissed the brandy idea, but beamed at Poe for the offer of lavender. "I would love some lavender, if you're sure it's all right for you to cut me some."

With a blithe wave of his hand, Poe chuckled, "The master won't care, he probably won't even notice, don't you worry. But," his face became serious for a second, "I will require payment."

Arching an eyebrow, she asked, "Which would be?"

Flashing his roguish grin, Poe shrugged, "Something tasty to go with tea."

"It's a deal," she held out her hand and they shook. Poe's was warm and calloused, which was pleasant until it reminded her of another hand, one with fewer calluses and much larger in size.

Keeping her smile in place with a will, she let go of Poe's hand, "Any requests? Though it will depend on what the pantry has available."

"I don't mind, truly, if you make it, I'll be happy to eat it," he told her with an easy grin.

While part of Rey had the silliest urge to try and make something Poe wouldn't eat, that would be churlish of her. "That is a lot of pressure, you know; will I still get the lavender if you don't enjoy whatever I make?"

He shook his head, and started to walk away, throwing a wink over his shoulder, "I don't think that's possible!"

Rey frowned, remembering Maz's words, 'Improbable, not impossible,' what had the old lady meant by it? Why had she thought Rey's dreams of the wolf were significant? How were they significant? She had implied that she herself had not had the dreams, though she freely admitted to having heard the wolf's howling… Why did the dreams only come a few nights a month? Where did he go during the interim? Could her dreams really have the self-same wolf in them? How? ...And, why was she so certain the animal was male?

'

Although she stayed outside till it was too hot to remain, she got no farther with the mystery, it felt as if she were missing something large and obvious, but try as she might, it didn't reveal itself. It was most vexing, yet an excellent distraction from her other troubles.

'

After clearing and properly arranging the pantry, she had found a small bottle of saffron and today felt like a day for saffron buns. Traditionally, they were more of an Easter treat, but Rey didn't let that deter her.

While saffron was an expensive ingredient, she suspected this bottle had been at Varykino for quite some time, judging by the accumulation of dust and it being hidden from sight.

After assuring a somewhat doubtful Dopheld that she was absolutely fine, she set about making the sweet bread dough and while it rose, she placed a pinch of saffron in a dish of warm milk to soak.

The couple of hours it took for the dough to rise and the saffron to soak, she did make-work, anything that didn't involve her venturing upstairs, even collecting wood from the store outside, which was really meant to be Poe's job. It was necessary to brush her dress and apron off in the garden as they had been covered in bark and spider's web - how Poe managed to stay so neat she would never know.

Still, it was cheerful employment, so long as she was below stairs, she was content.

After the next phase of the recipe was complete, she paused for a bite to eat, as she had somehow missed lunch along with breakfast - for some reason she didn't have much of an appetite at present.

Once the dough had been left to rise twice more, the rolls were finally ready to put in the oven. It could sometimes be a tedious process, though perhaps patience had not been a virtue she was blessed with a great quantity of. Be that as it may, the smell of them baking caused her mouth to water and when Poe and Dopheld sat down for tea and buns, their enjoyment made it very much worth the extra effort.

It was slightly irritating to have to send up some with Lord Ren's tea, but he was the master of the house, so it was only fair.

Mr Hux returned a short while later to fetch another bun and a pat of butter. Rey tried very hard to ignore how the idea of Lord Ren enjoying something she baked made her feel, and concentrated as best she could on Poe's rapturous praise. It was overdone of course, but it made her smile and she was very grateful for the lavender she got in exchange. Just pushing her nose into the bunch and taking a deep breath made tension leach out of shoulders.

Borrowing a small knife from the kitchen, she unthinkingly nipped upstairs so she could leave the flowers to attend to that evening, as they would need cutting properly and hanging so they would dry correctly.

That was where her luck ran out, or rather, as soon as she set foot in the hall, Lord Ren stepped out of the library.

Staring fixedly at the door to the servants stairs, Rey pretended she didn't see him, but of course, he couldn't let her go without taunting her.

"Miss Johnson."

Why must his voice be so low and deep?

"Yes, Lord Ren?" she asked, rudely choosing not to turn and face him.

"What are you hiding?"

Hiding? What? She turned, levelling a frown at his chest, "I am sorry, but I have not the pleasure of understanding you?"

He gestured with those big hands at her bundle of lavender.

"This?" she looked down at the flowers, still confused, "I'm going to prepare them to hang and dry this evening and was just going to leave them in my room." She grit her teeth, "Is there something I can help you with?"

"And Poe gave you that?"

Oh no, he did care, Poe was wrong! "I beg your pardon, Lord Ren - I asked for some, he didn't just take it himself, there is so much of it that I thought it would be acceptable to cut some."

Finally, she lifted her eyes to meet Lord Ren's, afraid that she was getting Poe into trouble - she knew she should have asked Mr Hux to ask Lord Ren about the lavender before Poe went off and cut it.

"Oh," he seemed surprised, even a little… pleased? "No, that is quite acceptable, you may cut more, if you wish."

Rey dropped her eyes again as her cheeks warmed, "Thank you, Lord Ren."

"There are plenty of roses in the gardens as well," he offered, "I believe they are suitable for drying, too."

Every time she thought she knew who he was, he went and pulled the rug out from under her, and each time he did it, everything was thrown up into the air and she never knew where she would land.

It was all so bewildering

"Thank you," she murmured quietly, completely lost as to what else she should say.

There was an uncomfortable, loaded pause, as if they both wanted to speak, but could not, then there was the sense of movement, and the library door shut behind him.

Rey sighed with relief and sagged against the wall for a moment, before forcing herself to hurry upstairs.

Perhaps she would ask Poe to show her the roses later, she did love the scent of them. Sometimes in London, if she passed a rose bush in a garden where the blooms were reachable from the street, she would pause to inhale the heady scent, it had always brought a smile to her lips.

'

Later, as she was rifling through the collection of Penny Dreadfuls, she came to a curious realisation - there were no stories about wolves or werewolves. There was every other subject - daring deeds by highwaymen and criminals, the exploits of detectives, chilling stories about vampires and ghosts, exciting tales featuring the undead, demons and angels, or ripping yarns of witches or curses or other supernatural escapades... but not a one among them had anything to do with wolves. The omission was too thorough and obvious to be coincidence, surely?

If it were so, what did it mean? Did they all hear the wolf and so did their utmost not to be reminded of it? That still seemed anomalous behaviour, for surely, (as she had the morning after hearing the howls for the first time), you would ask if others had heard it too?

It felt as if they were purposefully trying to hide any mention of wolves at all, and Dopheld had behaved with such alarm when she mentioned it... Tomorrow morning, she would rise early again so she could search the library for anything to do with the animals.

'

That night was less troubled, but she was still able to wake early and creep downstairs to commence her investigation.

In the early dawn light, she carefully perused the shelves; there were books of science and nature, history, poetry and plays, fairy tales and fables, ancient myths and fiction in the form of novels and collections of short stories.

But nothing contained anything to do with wolves. Of course, she hadn't expected to find many - it was hardly a common subject, yet even the nature books had nothing relating to wolves.

The Encyclopædia Britannica, which was the place she was absolutely certain would cover the subject, revealed a disturbing discovery - the pages of book twenty four, that would have informed on wolves, had been torn out.

It was no longer in any doubt, someone, or even everyone in this house except her, was hiding something. If she hadn't been having the dreams, she may not have pursued the matter, but the wolf was affecting her, she felt he was speaking to her, trying to communicate something and the others were trying to hide his existence.

The question that plagued her now, was why? What did they have to be afraid of? What else were they hiding?

A feeling of betrayal flickered through her, she had thought Dopheld and she were friends, that Poe was, too. Why would they keep this from her, why try and pretend they didn't hear it so she would worry she was mad?

With a heavy sigh, she replaced the book and set to dusting the shelves so there was no evidence of so many volumes being removed. All the while her mind turned over and over as she tried to fathom what could possibly demand such secrecy, such deception? What would necessitate feigning ignorance so completely?

Unless, they were worried for the wolf? Were they scared she would report it to the constable? But she had told Lord Ren she wished no harm to the animal, so if that were the case, wouldn't they then have let her in on the secret? No, there was something more uncanny going on here.

'

Due to her investigations, she was more behind with her tasks and so was still busy when Lord Ren descended, but she was at least done with the library, so while he breakfasted, she attended to the billiard room, then moved on to the dining room when he was finished with his meal.

'

Sometimes she idly wondered what upstairs was like, whether Lord Ren used only one room, and how it was decorated. It must be Mr Hux that attended to all the cleaning that was required, as he was the only person, (besides Lord Ren of course), who was allowed up… all the intrigue led her to think something was hidden up there. In her imagination Lord Ren's room turned into more of a lair, perhaps he slept upside down like a bat or had a giant nest on the floor.

Ridiculously, these thoughts made her giggle despite herself, and she had to pause in polishing the dining table to cover her mouth. This only served to increase her merriment, which was bordering on hysteria. So far it had been a very strange day, and it was still only eleven in the morning.

Shutting her eyes and counting helped calm her, but when she opened them again, she found Lord Ren staring at her from the doorway. Why was he always appearing at the most inopportune of times?

Rey dropped her hands from her mouth, took a breath and cleared her throat, "Is there something you need, Lord Ren?"

He frowned at her, "Were you in the library today?"

Doing her best to keep her face free of guilt, Rey nodded, "Yes of course, to clean and lay the fire earlier this morning."

Despite always feeling like a furnace every time she had the misfortune to touch him, he always had a fire in the evening. It was most odd.

"To clean?" he sounded as if he doubted her.

Folding her arms, she nodded, "Yes. Is there something I missed or that you would like me to do again?"

He muttered something under his breath and shook his head, before speaking normally again, "No, no," his frown deepened, "Did you do something differently?"

Had she misplaced some of the books? She was aware of heat seeping into her cheeks, "I don't think so."

His head snapped up, she could see the slight flare of his nostrils as he strode towards her, a fierce expression on his face as he crowded into her personal space so much she had to step back, only to find the wall.

"You're lying," he accused, with absolute conviction.

So are you, she wanted to say, but did not.

"I took out some of the books to better dust the shelves, some of them hadn't been taken out for a while and there was more dust along the tops of the pages."

It was perfectly true, particularly the Encyclopædia Britannica.

This close, she could feel that furnace heat and his scent filled her head, leaving her a little dizzy, though that was probably more the worry that he would discover she had been searching for something.

"That's not it, there's something more," one large, warm hand came up to tilt her chin so she was forced to look him in the eyes. This close, she could see green entwined with dark brown and caramel, but they grew darker as she watched, his pupils expanded as they stared at each other.

"What aren't you telling me?" his murmur was soft but no less unsettling, how could he be so certain?

With her heart fluttering like a hummingbird inside her chest and her stomach flipping over like a pancake, it made it difficult to think coherently.

He was so close she could feel his breath fan across her face, it would take barely any effort to reach his lips with her own, just a strain up on her toes or a stoop down for him…

But that was a dream, a foolish fantasy... irritation bloomed -she would not entertain these ridiculous feelings.

"I imagine there are a great many things I am not telling you," she told him, somewhat pertly, "If they have nothing to do with how I go about my job, I do not see that you have any business knowing them." She took a fortifying breath, even as her heart tried to beat its way out of her chest, "Now, if you will excuse me, I have work to do."

"You reside in my house, consume my food, are warmed by my fires and drink my tea, it is my business."

The absolute nerve of the man!

"You have forgotten - this is your mother's house and I am employed by her, not you!" she glared up at him, "If you wish it, I can contribute to my share of the living costs, but you do not have the right to behave as if I am in service to you, because I am not."

A mirthless, acerbic chuckle escaped him, "So you mend my shirts for my mother do you? You cook and clean and ask me if there is anything I want, all for my mother? It is all the same, I am your master, and you will tell me what I want to know!"

He pressed too close, his voice was too harsh, his energy was too much, the threat loomed too large, pure instinct took over and without thought, her palm connected with his cheek.

A resounding smack rang out, and her rapidly beating heart seemed to still in her chest as the enormity of her action bled through her anger, replacing it with fear. If she had learned anything from the workhouse and from Teedo, if you hit back you only caught it harder on the return. Defiance was always paid for with pain.

Lord Ren was a large man and she knew if he hit her, the damage would be great.

So she ran.

She darted around him and fled, tearing down the stairs and out of the back door, oblivious of Dopheld calling her name.

Through the garden and through the shrubbery, following her feet mindlessly in her effort to get away.

When she came to her senses, she wasn't entirely certain of where she was, except near the water. Her panicked breath was heaving, and she sank to the ground with her back against a large tree trunk as she tried to collect herself.

Today, for the first time, Ullswater didn't make her smile as she looked at it, the singing of birds didn't make her heart soar and the scent of the fresh air didn't make her wiggle her toes happily.

There was no doubt that she would be dismissed straight away... perhaps if she waited till nightfall she could sneak in and collect her things, leave without being seen. Maybe Maz would let her stay for a few days, while she tried to find other employment, or perhaps the Ticos? Angrily she wiped her face, shivering, cold inside, despite the warmth of the sun. What if he reported it? What if she had to go to prison for assaulting a member of the peerage? It had been traumatic enough when she had been arrested over Mr Plutt's dealings... And why, oh why did she have feelings for him, even now? The thought of never seeing him again left her feeling desolate yet relieved. It may be that without seeing him regularly, her infatuation would die away to nothing.

At least some good would come of her leaving.

A throat cleared and she started, almost letting out a scream when she saw Lord Ren standing not five feet away and she couldn't help flinching, cowering back as she readied herself for pain.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please don't beat me," she stammered, "I'll leave, today, now if you wish, but please don't," she had to swallow a terrified lump - there were always rumours of some Lords getting away with murder, after all, "Please don't hurt me." She ended in a whisper, looking at his feet because she couldn't bear to see his face right now, it would be furious, contemptuous, disgusted, full of hate or vengeance.

"Look at me."

There was a frightening edge to his voice, it made her skin prickle with goosebumps - he was going to hurt her. With his long legs and almost preternatural sense of smell, she wouldn't be able to run and hide. So she curled up as small as she could, tucking her chin into her chest as she covered her head and braced herself, silently praying for deliverance or at the least not to be killed or grievously injured.

"Look at me."

His voice was nearer, but she didn't dare look up.

"Rey."

At her name, her head jerked up of its own accord, to find him crouched down, just a few feet from her. She flinched back, another, more intimate fear starting to take shape - what if he… she shuddered. "Please," her voice trembled, "Please don't."

He looked confused for a second before horror over took his features, then they twisted into a bitter mien.

"I won't harm you," despite his expression, his voice was the sort you use to coax a feral animal or wary child. He reached out slowly and awkwardly patted her hand, wincing when she instinctively recoiled from the touch. "I give you my word, such as it is."

Slowly, her heart began to slow and she relaxed a little from her tight ball to absentmindedly wipe her stinging cheeks.

"I am sorry," she said to his knees, "I don't know what came over me… am I... I will collect my things and leave at once." She uncurled further and went to stand, legs still wobbly but for now they held her up.

Lord Ren had stood when she had, though she hadn't noticed his outstretched hand until she was on her feet. It disappeared into his pocket then withdrew again and offered her a handkerchief, which she stared at blankly for a moment before finally looking up at him.

"Your cheek is bleeding," he told her, looking pained, "You must have caught it on a thorn bush as you… as you ran." Why did he sound as if he were... hurt?

Now he said so, she could feel the sting on her cheek wasn't just from the salt of her tears and hesitantly took the immaculate, monogrammed material to hold against her cheek. "Thank you."

"You are not dismissed," he worked his jaw as if he were chewing over what to say, but all Rey could concentrate on, was that by some miracle she could stay, home.

Tears spilled over again, of relief and gratitude, though there was some feeling of confusion as he was well within his rights to send her packing.

An odd urge to simply tell him what she had found in the library overcame her, but she held her tongue, concerned that he would change his mind when he found out she had been snooping.

"Come."

She looked up from drying her eyes to find him offering his hand to her again.

"I will show you the way back, you came quite far."

She didn't understand him at all. She didn't understand anything of this… but she was weary and unsteady and the man who had so infuriated and then frightened her, was offering her help.

So she swallowed any pride she had left, and cautiously took his hand.

'

'

'


So… some stuff happened there…

Also, Hades (cat) had his stitches out today and is doing really well, no more vets visits till his yearly check up ^_^ thank you to everyone who enquired, it was very sweet of you

Authentic Victorian Saffron Bun Recipe

INGREDIENTS

Makes 10-12 buns

Flour - 250g / 9 oz

Sugar – 55g / 2 oz

Salt – a pinch

Yeast – 4g dried or 10g fresh

Milk, slightly warmed – 90 ml / 3floz

Eggs – 1 egg, lightly beaten

Currants – 55g

Cinnamon, cloves and mace – a pinch of each

Lemon – the zest of ½ lemon

Butter – 30g / 1 oz

Lard – 30g / 1 oz

Saffron – pinch, soaked for 2 hours in 2 tsp warm milk

To glaze:

1 egg

Pinch of salt

1 tbsp milk

METHOD

First, make a basic bread dough. Combine the flour, sugar, salt, egg and yeast together with enough milk to make a soft, but not sticky dough. Knead for 15-20 minutes and set aside in a warm place, covered with oiled plastic wrap or in a bowl with a cloth over until it has doubled in size (roughly 2-3 hours).

Once the dough has risen, remove it and flatten it out slightly. Soak the saffron in the warm milk to get most of the colour out. You can then add your other ingredients. Put the spices, lemon zest, lard, saffron in its milk (which should now be yellow) and currants in the middle, fold it up, and knead again, folding and squeezing so that the new ingredients are well-incorporated*.

Cover again, and leave to double in size once more.

Once the dough has risen, lightly grease two baking sheets and shape your dough into 12 equal buns. Round them off and leave in a covered bowl for 20 minutes to double in size once again.

Whilst waiting, create a glaze with an egg, a pinch of salt, and 1 tbsp of milk. When ready, brush over each bun. Then, bake in the oven at 180c / 350F for 15-20 minutes until each bun is golden brown. Serve on their own, or slathered with butter!

*These days you can also just put everything in a food mixer armed with a dough hook!