Peace found its way into spirits that had been stricken by panic.
"He had a what? Why?"
Dr. Jones, the attending physician, spoke to Darry, his voice calm and concise, despite the late hour. "Sodapop had a seizure. I take it this has never happened before?"
Darry dropped down into the plastic chair around the corner from Soda's space in the emergency room, head in his hands, as he fought to comprehend the night's events. "No. It hasn't happened before. I knew that's what it looked like, but what could've caused it?"
"You indicated he's on a new prescription, right?" Dr. Jones looked down at the patient information on the clipboard he held. "Tofranil?"
"Yes. He just took the first dose before going to bed."
"It's not a common effect, but seizures can happen as a result of that antidepressant and others in its class."
"So what now then? Will he be okay, if he just doesn't take it anymore?"
"Unless there is another underlying cause, then yes. Based on the timing and the fact that Sodapop doesn't have a fever or any other symptoms of illness, it's likely the medication caused him to have the seizure. However, I'd prefer to admit him and keep him here for observation at least until this afternoon."
"What'd the doctor say, Darry? Is he going to be all right?"
Darry took the other chair next to Pony's, both of them at Soda's bedside, as the middle brother slept. "Yes. He's going to be all right, Pone. He had a seizure that the doctor believes was from the medicine he started taking last night."
Pony's eyes widened, as he looked at Soda, his own hand wrapping around his brother's. "He didn't- he didn't take too much of it or anything, did he?"
Darry put his hand over Pony's, so that both of them were holding onto Soda. "No, Pone. I saw him take it. It was just the one pill."
"Then, how could this happen?"
"I'm not sure. But any medicine can have side effects, right? Like when Soda had that reaction to the pain medicine after-"
"Don't let them keep me here. Please, Darry."
Darry turned his attention to Soda, standing to his feet and leaning over him, so that their faces were close. "It's okay, Sodapop. They're just going to watch you to make sure it doesn't happen anymore. That's all."
Soda looked between his two brothers, confusion sewn into his expression. "But what happened? What did I do? Whatever it is-"
Darry lowered himself onto the edge of the bed and touched Soda's cheek, seeing the tears that had formed in his brother's troubled brown eyes. "Shh. You didn't do anything, little buddy. You had a seizure in the middle of the night. The doctor thinks the medicine caused it. Don't you remember coming to me and saying you felt weird, like something was off?"
Soda heaved in a deep breath, a lone tear dripping down his cheek. "Yeah. Kind of. It's sorta fuzzy."
Darry tried to keep the tremble out of his voice, drawing on depleted strength, as he recounted the memory to Soda. "You got in my bed with me, and then, you started seizing. Scared me to death, Pepsi Cola."
Soda stared at Darry, able to see the tears he was holding back. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."
Pony moved to the other side of Soda's bed, sitting right next to him. "It's not your fault, Soda. You heard Darry. The medicine caused it somehow. That's all."
Darry nodded, brushing away another tear that had fallen from Soda's eye. "That's right. It just happened. I'm glad you woke me up when you did, so you weren't alone."
Soda felt more of the memory coming back to him. "Something just felt wrong. Like I was anxious. But more than that too. When can I go home, Dar?"
Darry put a hand in Soda's hair, brushing his fingers through the messy, golden strands. "Sometime this afternoon. You won't be here very long, and it's really early. So you just need to sleep for right now."
"Oh my God, Darry. I'm so glad he's okay. Steve should be up, so I'm going to talk to him now. I'm sure he'll be by soon. Thanks for calling."
Nicholas set the phone receiver back in its cradle, both relief and alarm within him. He made his way to Steve's room, seeing that his son was up and getting dressed. "Hey, Steve, that was Darry on the phone."
Steve buttoned his jeans, fear enveloping him, as he looked at his dad. "Why? Why would he be calling this early?"
Nicholas stepped into the room and pulled Steve to sit on the bed with him. "First, you need to hear me say Sodapop is okay, and he did not hurt himself."
"Then, what the hell happened? Dad, please tell me."
"He had a seizure in the middle of the night, Son. He had just come into Darry's room and woke him up because he wasn't feeling right. It lasted a few minutes, from what he told me, and he called for help."
"Soda's never had seizures before."
"I know. Darry said that too. The doctor Sodapop saw believes it was caused by the antidepressant, since he doesn't have a history of anything like this."
"Damn it, Dad. Soda was so scared about something going wrong with seeing Dr. Morgan. And it did. That medicine wasn't supposed to hurt him."
"He'll be okay though, Son. They're keeping him at the hospital for now, just to make sure he's all right and that it won't happen again."
"He must hate being there."
"He's just sleeping, Darry said. But he has been awake and talking."
Steve picked up the t-shirt he'd laid out on his bed and pulled it over his head. "Like hell I'm going to school this morning. That can wait. I'm going to see Soda."
"Where the hell could he be? It's almost one in the morning!"
Soda watched Darry pace the living room, shoving his own fear and unease down into the deep corners of his heart. "He'll be back, Dar. You know Pony. Probably just got caught up talking to Johnny or something."
Darry only paced faster, his worry masked by anger. "He better be back soon. Damn it, Sodapop! I can't even call the police or anything. I'd lose both of you just cause Pony can't bother to use his head!"
Soda picked up the newspaper that had lay on the coffee table and shoved it at Darry, as he gently pushed his brother into the recliner. "Sit down, Dar. Stop pacing and relax. Pony will be home any minute. I just know it."
Soda's brown eyes opened and looked around the hospital room he'd been moved to, its emptiness threatening to swallow him whole. He lifted his head up off the pillow, drawing himself into a sitting position, as he stared at the identifying bracelet on his wrist, then the closed door.
I don't want to be alone here, Soda thought. Where are Pony and Darry? Why did they leave me? He drew his knees to his chest, the thin white sheet covering him, as he started to shake. Please come back. I need you.
Soda's breathing grew ragged, as his eyes wildly roamed the small room. What if they don't come back? he thought. What if I have to stay here? What if-
The door opened, revealing a nurse, her name tag reading Maryanne. Soda, not recognizing the face, only shook more. "Please don't hurt me. Please just go. Where's Darry?"
Maryanne held up her hands, so that Soda could see them. "I'm not going to hurt you, honey. Darry's your brother, right?"
Soda nodded, as he felt the weight on his chest growing heavier, the nurse's face melding with the images of the robber's black mask. He breathed even harder, not drawing in enough air.
Maryanne drew a bit closer to Soda, simply observing him. "You're okay. Your brother will be back soon. I think he went to get something to eat."
Soda's hands gripped the sheet, as he started to cry, words coming out in gasps, while the array of emotions from the past broke through and attempted to strangle the life left in him. "Can't do it. Can't lose my brothers. Tried so hard."
"Hang on, honey. I'll be right back."
Soda watched Maryanne hurry from the room, his soul now fully engulfed in the dark shadows of the past.
Steve stepped off the elevator, following the arrows that led him through the hospital's hallways toward room 316. He came to the door he knew to be Soda's and looked inside just in time to see a dark-haired nurse pressing a needle into his best friend's arm.
Soda felt the needle prick his skin, as his eyes moved up to see Steve enter the room. His heart pounded in his chest, while he struggled to make his breathing even out.
Steve saw the nurse empty a syringe of liquid, injecting it into Soda. He moved forward, going to be at his best friend's side. "Soda?"
Soda's hand, clammy and shaky, reached for Steve's. "Stevie. You're here. I can't- I can't calm down."
Steve squeezed Soda's hand, as he looked to the nurse. "What's happening? Was that medicine you gave him?"
Maryanne watched Soda, seeing the beginning signs of relaxation, as she put a band-aid over the injection site. "Yes. Some Valium to relieve the anxiety he's experiencing. Are you going to sit here with him?"
Steve stared at Soda, noticing the shaking in his body lessening, breaths appearing to come more easily. "Yeah. I'll be here a while."
Maryanne discarded her gloves and the used needle. "Are you a friend? He seemed glad to see you."
Steve watched Soda lie back against the pillows, not daring to move from his side. "Yeah. He's my best friend."
Maryanne gave Steve a smile and patted Soda's shoulder. "He's calming down, so he should be okay now. But please come get me if he needs anything else."
Steve nodded, seeing Maryanne leave the room, before he spoke to Soda. "Hey, buddy. You sleeping now, or do you hear me?"
Soda kept his grip on Steve's hand, despite the drowsiness in his body. "Hear you, Stevie. Stay. Don't leave me."
Steve leaned so that his head touched Soda's. "I'm right here, buddy. I'm right here with you."
"They died. You can't die."
Steve released Soda's hand and put his arm around him, hugging him the best he could on the bed. "I didn't, Soda. I didn't die."
Soda weakly lifted an arm to hang onto Steve, as sleep was claiming him. "Find Pony, Stevie. My fault."
"Shh. Nothing's your fault, brother."
"Got in the middle."
Steve felt Soda's grip on him going slack, but stayed where he was. "It's okay, buddy. Just let the medicine work. It can't be, he thought. Is he saying what I think he's saying?
Soda drifted off into the drug-induced slumber, his best friend holding him close, as he was temporarily sheltered from what he'd tried so hard to deny.
"Hey, Steve. When did you get here?"
Steve's eyes moved from Soda to Darry, as the older man entered the hospital room, a cup of coffee in his hand. "I haven't been here long."
Darry took a seat beside Soda's bed, sipping the hot coffee, as he squeezed his brother's hand. "He's just been resting since they moved him out of the emergency room. So me and Pony went to get some food."
"He wasn't just resting when I got here, Superman."
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"He was awake, shaking and all that, told me he couldn't calm down. Looked like he was panicking. The nurse gave him a shot of Valium."
"Damn it. I shouldn't have left him."
"You didn't know. I think if I'd been a little sooner, I could've calmed him down without the medicine, but she was doing it just as I came in here. Darry, has Soda ever told you he feels like it's his fault Pony ran away?"
"Not exactly. But he did apologize for it in Dr. Morgan's office yesterday. I told him that was on me, not him. Why?"
"Right before he went to sleep, he told me to find Pony, that it was his fault. Last thing he said was 'got in the middle.' It made me think of the fight you guys had before- well, before you hit Pony and he ran off. Soda told me then that he tried to stop it."
"Yeah. He did. Then, I yelled at him too."
"And Pony yelled back at you for yelling at Soda."
"Then, I hit him, and he ran. Damn it, Steve. I never knew Soda saw it like that. None of it's on him at all. Hell, he's the only one who was right that night."
"Yeah. I know, Superman. I ain't sure if he'll remember any of that cause he was just about out. It's like he was fighting the medicine, you know? But his defenses were down, and that's something he must've needed to say."
"I'll talk to him about it soon. Definitely after he's home and not here."
"My dad said he was awake and talking earlier. Was he okay about being here?"
"Not at first. He didn't remember why he was here. I think he thought he'd done something that made him have to be in the hospital. So I had to tell him about the seizure."
"He doesn't remember anything at all?"
"He said it's fuzzy, but he remembers coming in my room and waking me up. Thank God he did that. I'm telling you, Steve. I ain't ever going to forget watching Soda seize. It's an image I'll never be able to shake."
"Ponyboy! Come back here!"
Soda stood on the front porch with Darry, hearing his older brother call out into the night for their younger brother. He then went down the steps and into the yard, eyes fixed in the direction Pony had run.
Darry, no longer able to see any trace of Pony, followed behind Soda. "We need to go back inside, Sodapop."
Soda's eyes moved from the darkness to Darry. "No! We have to go find him. What is wrong with you, Dar?"
"What's wrong with me is I don't want both of my little brothers running around at two in the damn morning."
"Why did you hit him? He's just a kid, and it ain't like he stayed out this late on purpose."
Darry looked off into the distance, thinking of Pony's form that had disappeared so quickly into the night. "I know that, and I didn't mean to hit him. I was pissed, and I lost control."
"Pony already doesn't believe me when I tell him you love him. What's he thinking now? And where the hell could he be going?"
"He's gotta come home soon. There ain't anywhere out there for him to go."
"Damn it. I don't want to leave."
Darry went over to Steve, giving his shoulder a squeeze, the pair still at Soda's bedside. "But it's fine that you need to. If the nurse gave him Valium, he's just going to sleep for a long while. And he's okay, Steve. Really."
Steve looked up at Darry. "I feel like I should be the one reassuring you of that. Cause you saw him have the seizure."
"Yeah. But I'm also looking at him right now, so that's enough to keep me straight. So is knowing it was from the medicine."
"You don't have to go into work, do you?"
"No. I called my boss, and he told me he better not see me today."
"You called Mr. Coleman too, right?"
"Yeah. I did. If you're working this afternoon, he'll definitely be asking you about Soda."
"He's already been worried about him too, so I don't doubt it."
Darry picked up the now-empty coffee cup. "I'm going to grab some more coffee and see where Pony is. He probably sat down somewhere and fell asleep."
"Okay, Superman. I won't leave til you're back." Steve watched Darry leave the room, his gaze then shifting to Soda. He moved from the chair to the edge of the bed. "I'm glad you're resting, buddy. But I gotta admit it bugs the hell out of me to see you sleeping this hard." Steve reached for the sheet that covered Soda and drew it higher, tucking it around his shoulders. "Damn, you've been through a lot lately, buddy. And you better believe me and you are going to talk about what you said earlier. I know Darry will bring it up too, but I can't let it go either. You've gotta get that shit out."
Steve held one of Soda's hands in both of his own, eyes closed, as he bowed his head. "God, I don't even know what I want to say, except please be here with Soda and make sure he knows you are. Help him get through all these feelings that are hurting him so bad."
Steve opened his eyes for a moment to look at his best friend. It's just the medicine, he told himself. Medicine he needed. He has to be calm and recover from the seizure. "God, he's so still right now, but maybe he needs to be. So please hold him the same way I felt you holding me. Hold him and make sure he knows we all love him. And, no matter what's going on deep down inside, that'll never stop."
"Hey, Kiddo, you don't have to sleep here."
Pony felt Darry shaking his shoulder and shifted in the uncomfortable plastic chair, where he'd fallen asleep sitting up. "Hmm. Yeah, I do, Dar. Tired."
Darry sat beside Pony, coffee cup in one hand, as he guided his brother's head to his shoulder. "I could run you home, Pone. Soda had some medicine that's going to have him sleeping for a while, so he'll be fine."
Pony's eyes opened, even as he didn't want them to. "Medicine? Why?"
"Anxiety. I think he was having a panic attack. Steve was here and saw some of it."
"Oh. Well, maybe it's good he got the medicine then."
"Probably is. Come on, let's go back and sit with him. You can use me as a pillow if you want."
Steve felt the edge of Soda's bed dip down and opened his eyes to see Pony there beside him. He kept his hold on Soda's hand, the prayer in his heart unfinished. "Hey, Kid."
Pony, more confidently than he had ever believed he could, covered Steve's hand with his own, both of them now gripping Soda's.
Darry scooted a chair as close to the bed as he could get it and sat down, grasping his middle brother's other hand. He was quiet, as he let his own head rest near Soda's.
Steve's eyes closed once more, the moment bathed in a blessed silence, as the three surrounded their dearly loved one within the stillness.
"Darry, it's been almost two hours."
Darry snapped back at Soda, time slicing away at his exterior, as the night wore on. "Don't you think I've noticed that, Sodapop? Don't you think I've counted every damn second since Pony ran out that door?"
Soda's gaze dropped from Darry to the living room carpet, his eyes heavy with a need for sleep he knew wouldn't come. "I didn't mean-"
"I know what you meant, okay? Pony's been gone for two hours at four in the damn morning, and there ain't a thing we can do about it but sit here and wait! I screwed up, Sodapop. Is that what you want to hear from me right now?"
"No. It's not. I don't want to hear that."
"Well, I'm saying it anyway! I slapped our little brother, so he took off in the middle of the night. We've got no idea where he is. He's out there in the cold with no coat. I had one shot at taking care of you two, and I've already blown it."
"He'll come home, Dar. He will. You haven't blown it."
"The hell I haven't! What's the state going to say when they hear about this?"
"They don't have to know, Darry. Cause Pony will come home. He has to come home."
"Hi, you must be Darry. I'm Maryanne."
Darry's gaze moved from Soda, who was still sleeping, to the nurse standing in front of him, the white uniform she wore making her brown eyes and dark hair stand out. "Hi. Yes, I am. Are you the nurse who gave my brother the Valium?"
Maryanne took note of Soda's appearance, jotting some information down in his chart. "Yes. He was extremely anxious and seemed disoriented as well."
Darry looked down at Pony, who was asleep with his head on his oldest brother's lap. "I shouldn't have left him alone."
Maryanne watched Darry's fingers comb through Pony's hair, as his gaze shifted back to Soda. "He seems to be resting well now. You look like you could use that too."
"I could. But every time I close my eyes, I see-" Darry stopped, giving Maryanne a grin. "Sorry. I know you've got other patients to tend to."
"Oh. That's all right, Darry."
"So, uh, how long do you think until Sodapop wakes up? That medicine sure put him out."
"The effects of the Valium will take at least four hours to wear off. Patients are typically tired after a seizure too."
"I need to call his doctor. He can't take that medicine she gave him anymore. I can't even believe this happened. If you knew everything he's been through, you-" Darry stopped once more, a hand running over his face. "Sorry. I'm doing it again."
Maryanne gave Darry a soft smile, noticing how his attention could hardly be shifted from Soda. "It's fine. Don't apologize. I'll be going now, but I'll be back around soon. Please let me know if any of you need anything."
"Steve, you weren't here earlier, and I haven't seen Pony. Did any-"
Steve put a hand up, cutting off the question he knew TwoBit was about to ask. "Yes. Something did happen. But Soda's okay. He's fine."
TwoBit trailed behind Steve, the two of them headed to the school cafeteria. "What happened? Must not be too bad or you-"
"I know. It's not the worst. And I wanted to at least make one of my morning classes since I saw for myself that he's fine. He's really fine."
"Okay. You seem more like you're trying to convince yourself, not me. Come on, Steve-O. What's going on?"
Steve entered the cafeteria, the crowd of students making him pause. "What am I thinking? I can't fuckin' eat in here today."
TwoBit followed Steve outside, on his buddy's heels, as he went toward the parking lot. "Steve, I-"
Steve's pace only quickened, as he got closer to his car. "Just a minute. Please, TwoBit."
TwoBit was still beside Steve when his friend climbed into the driver's seat of the Ford. He leaned on the open door. "Okay. You're out here now. So please be straight with me."
Steve laid his head against the steering wheel, holding onto it, as the tears he'd so desperately tried to keep in fell down his face.
TwoBit moved to the passenger side and slid into the seat beside Steve, laying a hand on his back. "It's all right, man. Ain't anyone else out here. Just us."
"Soda had a seizure, TwoBit."
"A seizure? How the hell could that happen?"
"He saw a doctor yesterday, and she gave him some medicine that's a lot like mine."
"Okay. So it made him have a seizure?"
"Yeah. In the middle of the night."
"But he's fine? That's what you said, and I know you wouldn't be here, if he wasn't."
"He's at the hospital cause they wanted to watch him for a little while, but seems like he's okay."
"You went to see him before you came to school then?"
"Yeah." Steve kept his head on the steering wheel, closing his eyes. "I had to."
TwoBit saw more tears drip down Steve's cheeks and rubbed his back. "Easy, man."
"I ain't cryin' just cause of that."
"It would be reason enough, but I figured. Soda's had a hell of a rough time. And I've got the idea that I don't even know the half of it."
"Hey, little buddy. You're awake."
Soda felt himself begin to rouse from the deep slumber, his body still cloaked with relaxation, as he looked up at Darry. "Yeah. Gettin' there."
Darry leaned and pressed a kiss to Soda's head, staying close to him for a moment. "You should be able to go home soon."
"Pony still here?"
"Yeah. He went down the hall to grab a Pepsi."
"What about Steve?"
"He went to school."
"Stuff really knocked me out."
"Yeah. How are you feeling now?"
"All right, I guess."
"I'm sorry I wasn't in here when you were anxious."
"It's okay, Dar. Hey, did I miss anything when I was sleeping?"
"No. What would you have missed?"
"I ain't sure. I just know I felt something." Soda's eyes looked around the hospital room, searching for what he knew wouldn't be visible. "I think it was God."
