Memories breathed, their emotions and reality present, even as the divine ghost took the healing spirit into his gentle, holy arms.


"Looks like you're all set to go, Sodapop. Your vitals and bloodwork are all good, and there's no indication your seizure was anything besides an adverse reaction to the Tofranil."

Soda sat on the hospital bed, as Maryanne spoke to him. "And I think I slept off that Valium too. Sorry if I freaked you out or anything earlier. There was, uh, a lot going on in my head."

Maryanne put her stethoscope back around her neck and placed the blood pressure cuff back on the rolling cart, beside the thermometer. "Anxiety of any sort will do that, Sodapop. And it's okay. I'm glad I came in when I did."

Darry entered the room then, tossing a bag of clothes in Soda's direction. "Here you go, little buddy." He turned to Maryanne. "Everything's okay, right? He can go home?"

Maryanne started to walk out into the hallway, her hand pulling the rolling cart along with her. "Yes. Everything is fine, Darry. A little paperwork, and he's free to go."

Soda saw Darry's gaze linger on Maryanne, as she made her way out of the room, the look in his brother's eyes making him smile. "You like her."

Darry shifted his gaze to Soda, attempting nonchalance, as he settled into a chair. "Huh? No, I don't. She's just pretty is all. So are you ready to get out of here?"

"No. Not til you ask her out."

"I can't do that. She's your nurse, and-"

"She won't be my nurse after I'm released, Dar. Come on. Just do it. You deserve some joy in your life."


"If anything happens to him, I swear I'll never forgive myself."

Soda shifted his gaze from the clock that read 6:00 A.M. to Darry, who sat still, eyes unreadable to anyone except his middle brother. "I bet he's fine, Dar. And you didn't mean to. It's just like you told me. You lost control. Pony will understand too."

Darry turned to look at Soda, knowing all too well the panic that lay beneath the front of reassurance. "I won't believe he's fine til I see him, little buddy." He reached for his middle brother, hand grasping the back of his shirt. "I don't know if he'll understand. You're the one who said he thinks I don't love him. I was going crazy, Sodapop. I was so worried, so when we started fighting, I just-"

"I know that, Darry." Soda put his arms around his big brother, seeking out the physical comfort that may temporarily quench his own rising fears, as he also longed to soothe Darry's guilt. "And I know you love Pony."

Darry watched the second hand on the clock, its tick the only sound in the house, as he hugged Soda. I can't lose him too, he thought. I can't lose Pony.

What happened to him? Soda thought, arms securely around the brother still at his side. What if he doesn't come home? What will we do? He blinked back the tears in his eyes, summoning all of his strength for Darry. I have to find him, or I'll never forgive myself either.


"Come on, Dar. I'm all ready to go, so just ask her."

Darry looked at Soda, who was now dressed in the clothes he'd brought him from home, his appearance making him seem no worse for wear. "Are you sure you're good, little buddy? Cause I-"

Soda draped an arm over Darry's shoulders, letting a smile light up his face. "I'm fine. Just waiting for you to ask Maryanne on a date. Go for it, Dar. I think she likes you too."

"You do?"

"Yeah. It's just the way she talks to you."

"Maybe she's just nice. Maybe she even has a boyfriend already."

"There ain't a ring on her finger though." Soda saw how Darry's eyes had zeroed in on him, concern practically radiating off his face. "Dar, I'm not going to have another seizure, okay? You told me it was the medicine, and I won't take it anymore."

Darry lifted a hand, letting it brush through Soda's hair. "I know. But I can't forget it."

"I bet Maryanne could help you with that."

Darry rolled his eyes at Soda's wiggling eyebrows. "All right, all right. I'm going. If she says no, I'm telling her it was your idea."

"She won't say no. I'm telling you. She likes you too."

Darry moved out into the hall, momentarily looking back at Soda, who gave him a thumbs-up. He smiled at his little brother, the gesture a token of so much more than amusement. He then looked around, spotting Maryanne at the nurses' station, before making his way over to her.

Maryanne looked up from the chart she'd been working on to see Darry right behind her. "Oh. Hi, Darry. Sodapop all right? He need something?"

"No. He's fine, as he keeps telling me. We were, uh, just about to head out. But I wanted to ask you something first."

"Okay."

"Would you like to go out with me? It's okay if you don't want to or if you-"

"Yes! I'd love to."

"Really?"

"Absolutely."

Darry glanced back toward Soda's room, seeing his middle brother's face poking out into the hall, watching them. "How's Saturday night?"

Maryanne scribbled her phone number and address on a loose sheet of paper and handed it to Darry. "Great. It's a date."


"Hey, Dar, me and Steve looked all over town. I don't know where-"

Darry heard Soda's voice stop short, able to imagine the fear that must've stricken him, as he took in the sight of his big brother's tears. "Sodapop, the police were just here, little buddy."

Soda moved close to Darry, noticing his brother wouldn't look at him. "Why, Dar? Did you call them?"

"No."

"Is Pony hurt?"

"There was a murder in the park last night."

"A murder? What's that have to do with Pony?"

"He was there, Pepsi Cola. Him and Johnny. A Soc got stabbed."

"So where is he now? Darry, what's happening?"

"I don't know. The police don't know either. But they say Johnny stabbed the Soc."

"Johnny? He'd never hurt anybody. He couldn't kill someone. They don't know what the hell they're saying!"

"You know he's got that blade since he got jumped, Sodapop."

"Then, it had to be self-defense! If Johnny did that, then Pony must be with him!"

"No one seems to know where he is either."

"Darry, we have to find them. Both of them!"

Darry met Soda's eyes, seeing that they were filled with tears. He gently gripped both of his brother's shoulders. "I know, little buddy. But if this is what happened, they probably don't want to be found."


"Damn, I feel like the past is repeating itself."

Soda opened his eyes from his place on the porch swing to see Steve looking at him. "Hey, Stevie. That seems to be our thing, doesn't it?"

Steve, clad in his DX uniform, took a seat beside Soda. "Yeah. I guess it is. I've only got a minute cause I have to get to work, but I wanted to make sure you got home. You were really out of it when I left earlier."

"Yeah. I slept like a damn rock for a while there." Soda looked at Steve, the heels of a memory on his mind. "Was I saying something to you before I fell asleep?"

"Yeah. You said a few things."

"Oh. Anything weird?"

"No. Not weird. Just some stuff you were feeling and hadn't said before. Do you remember it at all?"

"It was something about Pony, right? And you too, maybe?"

"Yeah. I wasn't sure if you'd remember even a little bit." Steve pulled Soda in for a quick hug. "I gotta go, buddy. But I'll see you later tonight."


"If Johnny stabbed that Soc, he had to be asking for it."

Soda felt Steve's arm fall across his shoulders and squeeze him. "I know. But they're missing, Stevie. Pony hasn't been gone for just a few hours now. Johnny either."

Steve heard the tremble in Soda's voice, hating the sound of his best friend about to lose it. "I know, buddy. But, as much grief as I like to give the Kid, he can hold his own. Johnny can too. If they're together-"

"Have you seen Dally today?"

"No. Why?"

"Cause this is Johnny we're talking about. If he stabbed that Soc, who the hell else would he go to for help?"


"So what was the medicine for? Can the doctor give you something else?"

Soda lie on his bed beside Penny, seeing the concern in her face, unable to look away from her blue eyes, even though he wanted to do so. "I don't know. But I don't think I'd be comfortable trying anything else after that anyway. I already have another appointment tomorrow though. That medicine, it was an antidepressant. She gave it to me because I, um, haven't been doing so great for a while."

Penny, heart-shaped gold locket dangling from around her neck, put her hand over Soda's. "I know you've had a hard time since the shooting, Sodapop. You've told me about the anxiety and the flashbacks."

Soda's gaze shifted down, focusing on their intertwined fingers. "It's more than that though, Penny. It's worse, and it's not just about the shooting anymore."

"What else then? What's worse?"

"I've just felt so down and like it's too hard to even keep going."

"You mean because of your injury? I know that's been hard for you too. But it is doing better, right? What Dr. Simons said to do helps?"

"Yeah. I think so. But I don't mean that either, even though it bothers me sometimes too."

Penny's lips found Soda's, kissing him softly, as she saw the tears that were coating his eyes.

Soda felt Penny's hands move up to cup his cheeks, before her lips broke the kiss. "You knew just what I needed. I love you."

"I love you too."

Soda leaned in for another kiss, this one deeper, making his heart soar in a way that it never had before.


"Dal, where the hell is my little brother?"

Dallas hardly regarded Soda, casual, as he sat on the bed in his room at Bucks, and slipped on his boots. "Don't know, man. If you and Darry don't know, why the fuck would I?"

Soda's eyes wandered around the bedroom, spotting a familiar piece of clothing on the floor. He went over and picked it up, easily recognizing it. "This is Pony's sweatshirt."

Dallas didn't even look in Soda's direction. "So what if it is?"

"It means he's been here. I know you know where Johnny is or you'd be fuckin' tearing up all of Tulsa right now. You wouldn't be all calm and cool."

"Kid can take care of himself."

"Bullshit! If he stabbed Bob Sheldon, you're the only person he'd go to, and I know Pony has to be wherever Johnny is. Where are they, Dallas?"

"I don't know, Sodapop. The fuzz think they're headed for Texas."

"Is that what you told them? If you did, I know it ain't anywhere near true. It'd be a cold day in hell, before you told the truth to the cops, especially if you're protecting Johnny."

"I don't know, man. They could've gone anywhere."

"Are they safe?"

"What? How would I know?"

"Oh, get off it, Dal. I maybe a dropout. But I ain't stupid. You know where Johnny is, or you'd be falling to pieces. That's what me and Darry are doing cause we're so damn worried."

"I'm not worried."

"Because you know where they are. They're together, ain't they? They're somewhere safe. I know they must be, or you'd be losing your mind as much as we are."


"I'm sorry I didn't tell you how bad it's been. I was scared of hurting you with all this, and I don't want to lose you."

Penny's fingers moved through Soda's hair, as his head lay on her chest, the two of them now cuddled together on his bed. "It's okay. I'm just glad you've had Darry and Steve to talk to about it. And I'm glad you're going to Dr. Morgan. You're not going to lose me because you're in pain."

Soda savored both the touch and the needed reassurance."It's like it all gets to hurting so bad that I can't help thinking that way. Even though I don't want to. It makes me feel terrible."

"There's nothing to be ashamed of, sweetheart. They're thoughts and feelings, but they can't change you or your spirit. And no matter what you're struggling with or how bad it gets, please always know that you've got such a beautiful soul."


"You went where?"

Soda stood on the back porch, night falling around him, as he cringed at the sound of Darry's raised voice. "I went to Buck's to talk to Dal."

Darry made sure to slam the door behind him, as he stepped outside. "I've told you to stay the hell away from there, Sodapop! I thought I could count on you to use your head!"

Soda flinched, his gaze leveled with Darry's, as he saw his brother's anger on full display. "What? Are you going to hit me now too?"

Before Darry could reply, Soda turned and bolted away from him, the door swinging open, then piercing the night with yet another slam.


"Hey, Steve. Soda's in his room."

Steve saw Pony's pencil moving along the sketchpad in his lap. "How are you doin', Kid?"

Pony kept drawing, forming the details of facial features. "I'm okay. Last night shook me up, but I know Soda's all right now."

"Yeah." Steve squeezed Pony's shoulder, as he started to move past him, catching a glimpse of the eyes on the paper. "Hey, are you drawing Soda?"

Pony stared at the face he'd drawn, the eyes on the penciled image holding him captive. "Yeah. I'm drawing Soda."


"I shouldn't have said that, Darry. I'm sorry."

Darry heard Soda sob, as he knelt beside the bed that he shared with Pony. "Shh. It's okay, little buddy."

Soda's head rested on his pillow, aching at the space beside him that he knew would again be empty for the night. "I need him, Dar. He has to come home. Dal knows where they are. I know he does."

"He didn't tell you anything, did he?"

"No. But I found the shirt Pony had on that night in his room. He had to have been there."

"How did Dal seem?"

"Calm. Too calm not to know something."

Darry climbed onto the bed beside Soda and put his arm around him, pulling him closer. "You know it's never going to happen again, right? I'll never raise a hand to you or Pony, I swear."

Soda rested his head against Darry's chest, his own arm finding its way around his big brother. "I know, Dar."

"I'm so sorry, little buddy. I don't ever want you to be scared of me."

"I ain't scared of you. I could never be scared of you."

"Do you think Pony will be? It's my fault all this happened, Sodapop. Cause I drove him away. But I was so scared when he didn't come home on time."

"I know that, Dar. I know you were scared and worried. You're going to have to tell Pony that, so he'll know where you were coming from. When he comes home, you gotta tell him how much you miss him now. You gotta be real honest and tell him how much you love him too."

"I do love him. I love both of you."

"I know that. I've always known. And when Pony comes home, you have to make sure he does too."


"Hey, buddy. Just takin' it easy?"

Soda felt the evening air come through the open window, his head leaning on the wall beside it, as Steve sat next to him. "Yeah. Penny was here earlier."

Steve, still wearing his DX uniform, let a few moments pass in silence. He then reached out to grip Soda's arm, making sure his gaze locked with that of his best friend. "It's not your fault Pony ran away."

"Why are you saying that right now?"

"Cause it's what you were talking about right after you got that shot this morning."

"Oh."

"You told me I couldn't die, then said to find Pony and that it was your fault. I told you it wasn't, then you said you got in the middle."

"I got in the middle of Darry and Pony's fight."

"Yeah. Cause you didn't want it to get any worse."

"But I made it worse, Stevie."

"No, you didn't, man. You just tried to make them stop."

"And I couldn't. I should've just stayed out of it, then Darry wouldn't have yelled at me too. Or I should've got between them and thought of something better to say or-"

Steve pulled Soda close, cutting off the thoughts that were spurred by guilt. "Stop, buddy. Nothing about that night was your fault."

Soda buried his face in Steve's shoulder, wetting it with tears, as words of regret still poured from his lips, their flow unstoppable now that it had been tapped. "But Pony was taking up for me when he yelled at Darry like he did. It's my fault he hit him. It was my job to hold them together, and I couldn't do it. We almost lost Pony cause I failed, Steve. He could've drowned in that damn fountain."

"But he didn't, Soda. And it's not your fault Darry hit him. It's not your fault the kid took off after either."

"The fire. He could've died then too."

"I know. But he didn't, man. Pony's right out there in the living room. He wasn't even hurt."

"But Johnny was. We lost him. He died. And that night, none of it could've happened if I-"

Please no, Steve thought. Please don't.

"If I'd just stayed out of it or done better or just gone to bed."

"No, buddy. Nothing that happened is your fault. Please stop doing this to yourself. The way it all went down was fuckin' awful, but no one knew it would go like that. None of us could've known. You need to talk to both of your brothers about this. Cause they were here, and they'll be able to help you let this go better than I can."

"It hurts, Stevie. It's been hurting for a long time."

"I know. But this guilt, it's just a feeling, you know? Like I said before, it's a way to cope. You didn't do anything wrong, buddy. Please hear me, and please talk to your brothers."

Soda sighed, relaxing, even as he tightened the embrace. "Already feels better. Like something lifted off my chest."

"Yeah. Cause you needed to let this out, buddy. I knew you did, or you wouldn't have been saying what you were with that medicine when you were barely even awake." Steve let his eyes look up, whispering a short prayer. "Come on, God. I know you've got him. Don't let go. Hold him and let him heal."


"Dal must know Johnny's safe, or he'd be losing his shit. He seems to be making himself scarce around your place too."

Soda puffed on his cigarette, his fourth one in a row, as he sat with Steve in front of the Randles' house. "Yeah. Cause he knows Darry will beat his head in for not telling us where Pony is. It's crazy, Stevie. Cause I can't stop thinking about that night, and I keep waiting for Pony to show up."

Steve lit his own cigarette, taking a long drag off it. "Yeah. I know, buddy. I'll admit I'm worried as hell too. About both of them."

"I tried to stop Pony and Darry from fighting. I always do. But I sure never thought anything like this could happen."

"Damn Socs, man. They shouldn't have been messing with them. They're just kids."

"Darry's tearing himself apart over hitting Pony. I wish he wouldn't cause that doesn't help, you know?"

"Superman didn't mean to do it. The kid has to know that. He snapped cause he's had a rough time too. It ain't easy for him either."

"Yeah. He does his best. It's hard to get Pony to see that."

"They both made mistakes, but that's just how it goes. Darry shouldn't have hit him, no, but Pony also shouldn't have yelled at him like that or run out the damn door."

"He's gotta come home, Steve. I talk to Darry like I believe he will, but in the back of my mind, I ain't so sure."


"I'll talk to them tomorrow, Stevie. I really just don't feel like it tonight, and it's already getting late."

Steve touched Soda's back, as he sat beside him on the porch steps. "All right, man. I wasn't trying to rush you or anything. You've damn sure had a long enough day as it is."

Soda found himself looking up, stars blinking at him, as they twinkled in the night sky above. "Did you pray for me when I was sleeping in the hospital?"

"Yeah. I did. Pony even saw me. Then, he sat with me, and we were both holding your hand. Darry was holding your other one."

"And he told me I didn't miss anything. Sure sounds like I did."

"Yeah, yeah. All us Greasers holding hands. You missed the party, man."

"Aw, you know that ain't what I meant."

"Of course I do, buddy. But no more seizing and no more hospitals for a while, okay?"

"Yeah. I'll do my best. Hey, do you- I mean, do you ever think you feel God?"

"Sure. I've felt him before, even though I can't really explain how I knew it was him. I just knew."

"I felt something in the hospital. It was nice too. Like peaceful, I guess."

"Sounds like God, buddy."

"It was like I was laying there, resting, but he was there too, holding onto me."

"That's what I asked him for, Soda. I asked him to hold you cause I felt him like that once too. Like arms I couldn't even see wrapped around me." Steve took Soda's hand and squeezed it, looking up at the sky with a heart of gratitude. "You felt that cause God was answering my prayer."