Trigger Warning: Very brief mention of suicide (not descriptive).
Alex stood in front of the bungalow's washroom mirror, absentmindedly drying the ends of her hair with a towel. She stared into the mirror but saw nothing, her eyes glazed over and her thoughts scattered. She couldn't locate a single thought inside her at that moment.
Her eyesight drifted back into focus, rising a little to see her reflection staring back at her. The blood and sweat had been washed away, but not the dirty feeling that still lingered. With a resigned sigh, she left the towel on the sink and went back to the bedroom.
Bucky was sitting on the edge of the bed waiting for her, his large frame slumped and tired. He'd taken off his button-down, but the black cotton undershirt he still wore was soaked with sweat and clinging to the muscular lines of his chest and abs. The metal of his arm peeked through his shirt, the hardness of it such a giant contrast to the soft look on his face. His eyes rose to meet her as she took a seat next to him on the bed.
"Feel any better?" He cupped his hand on the back of her neck and massaged it slowly.
"A little." Alex fiddled with one of her nails. "We should talk."
Bucky withdrew his hand, feeling a twinge of nervousness in his stomach. "Okay."
Alex didn't even know where to start. She needed to apologize to him, but she had no idea she would feel this uncomfortable or this shitty doing it. And naturally, she felt the fresh sting of tears in her eyes already starting and she hadn't even said anything. "First, I want to tell you how sorry I am."
His brows drew together. "Sorry for what?"
Alex kept her eyes on her knees. "For doubting you." She felt her breath wobble in her chest. "I should have never, ever doubted you like I did." Even without looking at him, she could feel Bucky's comforting presence next to her. His body radiated warmth in a way that made her want to fall into his protective arms and never leave. "I don't know what came over me, but I just got so scared."
Bucky lifted his hand to her head, stroking tenderly. "What Boroshka did back there...it's what he was trained to do. His skill set is belittling others. Deceiving them. Lying to them. He tried to use the one thing he could, and it didn't work."
Alex knew what he said was the truth, but she still couldn't help the tears that limped down her cheeks. "It's just...The thought of you with...with someone else..."
"Alexis..."
"To think of you like that? Even if it had been forced?" She exhaled hard and met Bucky's gaze, her bottom lip trembling. The words burned on her tongue, but the picture in her mind was far worse. "To think of you with some woman, rutting her like a wild animal because Hydra—"
Bucky drew her into his arms, holding her head against his chest. "Don't even say it. None of it happened. It won't happen. You never have to worry about me being with anyone besides you."
Alex clung to Bucky's shoulders, letting his touch soothe her. His arms were her safe place; they blocked out the world while providing everything she needed within them. But no matter how weak or completely drained she felt, Bucky never made her feel stupid for reacting the way she did. It made her realize all over again how awful she felt for doubting him. "I'm just so sorry, James" she reiterated through shaky breaths.
"I know, doll. It's okay."
"I just never knew I could love this hard, or realized what it could do to me."
Bucky smiled. He knew the fear she spoke of and what it could make a person do, because he loved her just the same. When he saw the flash of doubt in her eyes earlier, he never once thought he would lose her to Boroshka's lies. He'd seen Boroshka do the same to others so many times in his past. He'd also seen it work on weaker individuals, one of which had been himself. Whether Boroshka's tactics were done while he was brainwashed or not, he'd still fallen for it. But he wasn't weak anymore, and the love he shared with Alexis was stronger than deceit. Hydra could try a thousand times and never succeed against them because they had something Hydra never would, and that was love.
Alex sniffled, then pulled back a little to look him in the eyes. "Are you angry?"
Bucky's shoulders dropped, troubled that she even asked the question. "Of course I'm not! Are you angry with me?"
For a split second, Alex thought he was crazy. "You!?"
"You really think I was going to let you take all the blame here?" Bucky cupped a hand along the side of her neck and leveled his eyes with hers. Alex's lashes were still heavy with tears, glistening in a way that made her eyes appear large and frightened. It made his heart ache to see her this upset, but he understood all too well how her mind got ahead of her at times, and what was likely playing over and over inside that mind of hers. If it had been him, and someone told him that Alex was used by other men as a breeding machine, he knew his reaction would have been far more destructive.
"Just let me say this" he began, "I owe you an apology as well." Alex was about to argue, but he held up a patient finger. "I should have explained that part of my past."
"You don't owe an explanation to anyone for what happened to you there" Alex uttered. "That's exactly why I feel bad about the reaction I had. I just couldn't stop the mental picture I had of you being forced to...breed with other women." Once again, the word breed tasted awful leaving her mouth. "Them getting pregnant with your child-"
"-that won't ever happen. It can't happen." Bucky caressed her face and his voice softened. "They sterilized me...not long after they found the serums."
There was a fragment of pain in his eyes when he said this. Hurt rippled through Alex, her powers sensing his turmoil. Back when she and Bucky first began dating, they had a brief conversation about protection. As a result of her powers and her scant amount of sexual experience (because of her powers), Alex never had a reason to consider getting on birth control. But during those first few weeks together, Bucky told her how she never had to worry about that sort of thing "with him", and she assumed it was due to something stemming from his super serum. Now he was revealing it wasn't just because of the serum, but because Hydra had taken that ability from him. Yet another choice, another part of himself, stolen from the people who ruined him for decades. It squeezed at Alex's heart, wrenching anger from her at the organization she already loathed.
"Probably for the best, huh?" Bucky said, forcing the corner of his mouth to lift.
Alex could see he didn't mean it. She found herself at a loss for words suddenly. There was so much she wanted to tell him, so much she wanted to prove wrong about that statement, but the topic was touchy. Maybe it had been for the best when they were mistreating him and making him a weapon under such awful conditions - but now? She supposed it didn't really matter to wonder. They would never know anyways.
But what Alex was certain of, more than anything else in that moment, was that Hydra was evil. Pure evil. Boroshka's death was another notch in their belt, but one notch would never be enough. If she did nothing else her entire life but hunt down others like Boroshka, she'd be satisfied, but she would never stop hunting them.
Bucky could see storm clouds brewing inside Alex's dark eyes. He brushed back a piece of her damp hair from her shoulder, just to give himself a reason to touch her. "I wish you weren't so quiet right now. I don't know what's going on inside your head."
She lifted her eyes to his. "I don't even know what's going on inside my head right now." Her smile was tight, but she tried to broaden it for him. "Today was a lot."
"It was." He leaned in and kissed her forehead, using that extra second to feel the reassurance of her skin against his. "Thank you for being there with me."
Alex cradled Bucky's face in her hands. She touched the hollowed lines of his cheeks as though she was admiring his features for the first time. The way his mouth curved up at the corners, making him look as though he was smiling even when he was sad. The stubble that highlighted his mouth, thicker around his upper lip and thinner along the sides. The strong angle of his nose, the proud brow, and those giant eyes that were so full of love and hope. Her kind and handsome hero. Her soldier. Her Sergeant.
"What I should be asking is how you feel now...after everything that happened" Alex told him. This was what she should have been focusing on. Not the ways Hydra had defeated Bucky, but the ways he had defeated them.
Bucky saw the genuine look in Alex's eyes and knew what she was alluding to: the activation words Boroshka had attempted to use on him. "I haven't really took time to process any of it" he answered honestly. "It's hard for me to describe, but...a part of me knew it wouldn't work. Almost as if something inside me felt different enough to know that if Boroshka tried the words on me, they wouldn't work."
"And they didn't." Alex stroked his worn face, placing a soft kiss to his mouth. "I'm so proud of you."
A cautious smile played at his lips, but his eyes looked like they wanted to dance in celebration of his hard work. Alex felt he deserved more than just a sentence or two of humble recognition, but there was also something beautiful in the simplicity of the moment. Bucky's power wasn't a roar so much anymore as it was a strong, stable current of control. Acknowledging his success together, in the privacy of their little bungalow and without fanfare, seemed just right.
"Looks like we both beat all the traps set for us today" she remarked. The second she said it, she felt fresh tears start to form all over again. She dabbed at the corners of her eyes and laughed. "Dammit, I'm sorry..."
Bucky gave her a sympathetic smile. He could tell how tired she was. From the fleshy pouches beneath her eyes to the way she slouched to the fresh set of tears, all her emotions were more than likely being amplified by exhaustion. He noticed it start right after she released his mirrored skills and abilities from herself via her powers. He couldn't imagine how it took a toll on her body, but he could see the evidence of it after every mission.
"Let's lie down" he said, smoothing back Alex's hair. "No more thinking. No more apologizing. No more anything. Just resting. How's that sound?"
Alex gave him an embarrassed look. "You don't have to take care of me, James."
"Well that's where you're wrong" he said with a smile. "I may not have to, but I want to."
Wiping her cheeks, Alex couldn't help but laugh. "But you haven't showered yet?"
Bucky waved a dismissive hand. "I don't need a shower." He was joking, of course, but was trying to make her smile. Her happiness was like nourishment to him. When he saw the tiniest of smirks appear on Alex's face, he conceded. "Okay, maybe I do." He wound his arms about her waist and they held on to one another in a lasting hug. Bucky used that moment to truly cherish the woman he was holding in his arms. "Thank you for always being you, Alexis." He gave her a peck on the cheek before he stood. "Make yourself comfy. I'll be right back."
Alex watched after him, his fingers lingering in hers as he pulled away. When he disappeared behind the washroom door and she was alone once more, she felt the true weight of her exhaustion settle into her bones.
The sound of the shower turning on drew her attention away from her weariness. She heard the clunk of the bar of soap on the shower floor, knowing Bucky had dropped it yet again. He dropped the soap almost every time he showered, so much so that she expected to hear it every time he was in there. It was such a simple sound. So domestic. So typical of what had become her everyday life. And yet it made her smile, and it made her forget about the bad things and the bad people in the world.
Giving in to her body's need for comfort, Alex crawled up the length of the bed and burrowed beneath the sheets. Once in place and wrapped in the softness of the blankets, it was a struggle to keep her eyes open. She tried, though. She really tried. But the damn mattress was so soft and the sheets were so comfortable against her skin. The last thing she remembered before she lost the battle with her eyelids was hearing the shower turn off.
Bucky emerged only a few minutes later wearing his favorite pair of sleep shorts and running a towel through his hair. When he saw Alexis under the blankets with her eyes closed, he couldn't help but smile.
As soundlessly as he could, he tossed his towel and his dirty clothes in the growing pile in his corner of the room and climbed into bed. He snuggled in next to Alex, settling on his side to face her. For a moment he lay there admiring her, trying to sort through the emotions of the day in his mind and make sense of everything that happened.
One thing that stuck in his mind was Alex's reaction earlier. Not because of anything negative, but because it was a whole new feeling to him. Not once in his life had someone felt jealous or hurt over the thought of him with someone else. Even in the twisted sense of Hydra and their failed breeding program, Alex was still sickened by the thought of him with someone. This was so alien to him. So unusual. Jealousy wasn't something he could even really remember, not even before the war in the memories he could recall.
Letting his eyes roam over Alex, Bucky took in her peaceful image with a sense of comfort. In the four days they'd been on the island, each day had been completely different. Each night they shared this bed together had varied so distinctly from nights prior. When they stepped off the private jet, he had no idea the trip would have gone the way it did.
An ironic smile crossed his face. Apparently, Avengers couldn't take a week off without something happening.
They still had one full day left on the island. Two full days before the shit storm that awaited them back at Headquarters when they informed everyone of what happened.
Bucky exhaled a sigh. He closed his eyes, trying to push anything that didn't involve the present moment from his brain. Within minutes he was fast asleep, and all that had been on his mind was forgotten.
The pair slept straight through the night with no interruptions.
Only once did Alex awaken. She padded to the washroom around midnight and wasted no time getting back into bed and sliding into place next to Bucky. He remained asleep on his side, but when he felt Alex's body push back against his, his arm subconsciously wound about her waist and hugged her closer, his larger frame molding to hers.
Alex wasn't sure if he was awake or not, especially when she felt his lips brush against her neck. It was feather-light; not really a kiss but more of a reflex. Just as his arms had reached for her in the middle of his slumber, his mouth also sought out her skin. Bucky's need to feel her and have the assurance of her touch never stopped, not even in the dead of sleep.
And so she waited, wondering if Bucky would say something if he was actually awake, but then she felt his muscles go slack around her. The rise of his chest against her back slowed, and the weight of his arm draped around her center became heavier.
Nope. Definitely asleep, she thought with a small smile. Sometimes it wasn't the big, bold ways Bucky showed his love, but the subtle acts that left her feeling loved and adored. His body heat encasing her with a sense of comfort and safety, warming her and relaxing her. With his strong heartbeat steady against her back, it took no time at all before Alexis was lulled back asleep.
The next morning came, and the couple slept through their usual wake-up time. They set no alarms, of course, but between the activity and tension of the previous day and knowing they had absolutely no commitments ahead of them, they were able to truly sleep in.
When a knock on their door came later that morning, Alex was the first to hear it. She pulled away from Bucky's embrace, blinking hard as her eyes adjusted to the bright light streaming into the bungalow. She had no idea who it could be that would need them that morning. Not a single person had come to the bungalow the whole time they'd been there, so to hear a knock on the door was a bit of a surprise.
Glancing down at herself to make sure she was decent (her t-shirt and sleep boxers looked just fine), Alex opened the door. On the other side stood Heilani, and she was crying.
"Oh no, I am so sorry!" Heilani held a shaky hand up to her mouth when she saw Alexis in her sleep attire. "I didn't mean to bother you if you were still asleep? I'm so sorry..."
Alex's brain quickly caught up to what was happening. She pushed some of her unruly bed-hair out of her face and hugged her arms over her chest, trying to cover the fact she was very bra-less in front of someone who could have been her grandmother. "What's wrong, Heilani?" She knew exactly what was wrong, but this was phase three of her and Bucky's plan.
Heilani shook her head rapidly, as though her disbelief was too great to voice. "I have terrible news. Terrible, terrible news. I'm so sorry to have to bother you and Mr. Barnes right now with this..."
A part of Alex felt horrible. Heilani's tears were real and her grief was evident in the closed-off way she stood. She wished she could reach a tender hand out to comfort her, but that wasn't possible with her powers. She did her best to appear genuinely confused and surprised when Heilani delivered the news she already knew.
"Remember yesterday, when I told you our groundskeeper called in sick?" she asked Alex, sniffling.
Alex nodded. "I do. Is he alright?"
Heilani's lips pursed together as the tears came on harder. "I'm afraid not, Miss Markos. I'm afraid not." Her dark eyes lifted. "He passed away sometime in the night."
A soft gasp. A look of shock. Eyes full of hurt and bewilderment. Alex played the part, and played the part well. "Oh Heilani." Her expression wilted with feigned sympathy. "I am so, so sorry."
"When he didn't show up or call this morning..." Heilani inhaled and shook her head. "...we sent another of our employees out to check on him, and..." Her voice trailed off as sorrow overwhelmed her. "I'm sorry, please excuse me."
Alex nodded. "Take your time, Heilani."
The woman pulled a fresh tissue from her pocket. "Thank you, dear."
In the room behind her, Alex heard heavy footsteps against the hardwood floor coming her way. She didn't need to turn around to see that Bucky had awoken and was joining her at the door. She felt his presence crowding behind her in the doorway, his bare chest skimming the back of her as he closed in.
"Heilani?"
When the older woman saw Bucky, she began crying all over again. "Mr. Barnes, you'll have to forgive me, I did not mean to wake you both like this."
Bucky was as skilled at playing surprised as Alex had been. He placed a hand on Alex's shoulder, his dark brow bent with concern. "What's happening? Is something wrong?"
"I was just telling Miss Markos..." Heilani's voice began to shake again and she pulled out yet another tissue. "...that Oro has passed away, Mr. Barnes."
Bucky did what Alexis could not, and stepped beyond the door frame to give the older woman a hug. It was short-lived, but it was as heartfelt as he could make it. It was also the first time Alex saw Heilani smile.
"You're a kind man, Mr. Barnes."
Bucky shifted his gaze to Alex, regret swimming in the color of his eyes. "Thank you, Ma'am."
He returned to his spot next to Alex, and she gave him a sympathetic smile. She knew this would be the hardest part for Bucky; to pretend that he didn't know what happened. That he, himself, didn't have something to do with the news being delivered. He and Alex had discussed this very thing before they went into it: what they did, what the Avengers always did, was protect the innocent from the reach of those who were evil. Boroshka lied to all of them, had been watching all of them, banking his knowledge and reporting it. He would have used any one of them as he needed if it benefited him. As long as Boroshka was alive, none of the others on Stark's island were truly safe.
"I did not mean to wake you both with this sort of thing" Heilani repeated again. "It's just so unexpected. I thought you both should know, since, you know..."
Bucky draped his arm over Alex's shoulders, both of them holding on to one another as though they were truly sympathetic to the news. "We appreciate you telling us, Ma'am."
"Do you know how it happened?" Alex asked. "Was it his illness?"
Heilani blew her nose and wiped it daintily. "They're saying..." She exhaled, disheartened by what she was about to say. "...they're saying it was suicide. When they arrived at his home, they found it burnt to the ground. We were told there was a strong smell of gas everywhere." Heilani looked down at the dampened ball of tissue in her hands. "Not much was left. The fire destroyed everything. Not even the body was left..." Her tears returned. She turned away from the couple as she blew her nose again.
Alex and Bucky stood there quietly, giving Heilani the time she needed but also reflecting upon everything that happened. It was difficult to hear her cry. They tried to look as though they were both unsettled by the news, but they knew in the end it was for the best. Heilani, the other employees, those little girls they met a few days prior, none of them knew they were working with someone who tortured innocent people, brainwashed them, passed Stark's secrets on to the enemy, and harbored hate in his heart that was so ugly it was dangerous to be anywhere near him. But when Heilani turned back to face them, the expressions Bucky and Alex wore were genuine. They both stared at her with compassion and sadness, but for her and her alone.
"I'll let you both get back to whatever you had planned for the day" Heilani told them, waving the hand that held her tissues. "I just wanted you two to know."
"It's not a problem at all, Heilani. Thank you for thinking of us." Alex gave her a caring smile, wishing once more that she could reach out and give her a hug.
Heilani shifted her eyes timidly between them and then headed down the boardwalk.
Alex and Bucky stepped back inside the bungalow, their expressions matched by shared understanding. Bucky took Alex into his arms for a hug, and nothing more was said about Heilani's news.
It was around 11 pm in New York when Tony Stark received a phone call informing him that one of his employees that worked on his private island had passed away. The case was being ruled a suicide. In the interest of Stark and his island, another employee had made the call to inform him of the unfortunate news.
When the call ended, Tony remained staring at his cell with a puzzled look on his face. "Pep, you got a sec?"
Pepper emerged from the washroom, a towel wrapped around her hair and a robe covering her body. "What's up?"
Tony's eyes rose to meet hers. "The main groundskeeper from the island died."
"Our island!?"
"Yeah."
She took another step into their bedroom. "Did they say why?"
"Suicide."
Pepper's expression crumbled. "That's awful."
Tony lifted one of his eyebrows. "You know Barnes and Markos are still there?" He pointed at his wife with his phone. "How much you wanna bet they have something to do-"
"-Tony." Pepper immediately turned and went back into the washroom, though not without a lingering bit of laughter. "Do you even hear yourself sometimes?"
Tony followed after her. "Has anyone heard from the lovebirds since they whisked away to borrow our island for a week?"
Pepper went back to finishing her nightly facial routine. Her eyes shifted to meet her husband's in the mirror as she applied an expensive serum to her face. "You just answered your own question. They're off the grid and trying to enjoy themselves." She turned and faced him. "You ought to try it sometime."
Tony pulled a face.
Pepper made one right back.
"I'm still not buying it." Tony leaned against the doorway, arms folded over his chest. He watched Pepper for a moment as his mind raced further ahead. Deciding he needed more to this story, he whipped out his phone and dialed Barnes' number. The call went straight to his voicemail: "You have reached the mailbox of... Bucky. ...Please leave a messa-"
Tony heard the monotone depth of Barnes saying his own name and hung up before the rest of the canned message could finish.
He tried Markos next, but encountered the same thing. Not surprisingly, her voicemail was actually all her own recording and a little more personalized: "Alexis here. Sorry I missed ya. Leave a message and I'll try and get back to ya ASAP."
Tony hung up and sighed. So both went straight to voicemails...not completely out of the ordinary. He chewed his cheek irritably and watched as Pepper continued her routine. "So: two Avengers walk onto a Stark-owned island for a week of bliss and what happens? Someone dies."
"Sounds like a bad joke, honestly" Pepper mused.
"Exactly." Tony pushed off the door frame. "I'm calling Rogers." He didn't stick around to hear the eventual sigh he knew would come from his wife. He went back into the living room, dialed Steve's number, and waited. Three rings passed before the Captain's voice was heard.
"A little late for a phone call, don't you think?" Steve said upon answering.
"Why? You busy?"
"Tony, it's 11 pm and I'm down the hall. No, I'm not busy."
"Okaaaay, no reason to sass" Tony remarked, a little surprised by Steve's demeanor. "I forgot your bedtime is 8 o'clock. Old man needs his rest, I know-"
"-Is there something you needed?"
Tony smirked against the phone. "Are you dressed? Would love to speak with you about your boy, Barnes." As if on cue, Steve perked right up. His voice changed, but it held that flicker of concern it always did when someone was being cryptic about his friend.
"Is something wrong? What happened?"
So predictable, Tony didn't even bother to roll his eyes. "Just come down here. And bring your phone."
"Be there in 2 minutes."
He arrived in one.
Tony greeted him at the door, taking in 'after hours' Steve Rogers, dressed in a blue zip-up hoodie and a pair of plaid flannel sleep pants that seemed to be two sizes too big for his lean figure. Tony really did begin to wonder if he'd woken him.
Steve's hands were shoved into the pockets of his hood, but he lifted one out to show he brought his cell. "This better be good."
Tony waved him inside then shut the door. "Have you heard from Barnes since he left?"
"No. Not a word." Steve cocked his head, eyes squinting. "Why?"
"I tried to call both of them but both their phones are turned off" Tony replied. "Was wondering if you might have heard from them this week at all?"
"No. I haven't." The pale blue shade of Steve's eyes turned a little darker. "Why, Tony?"
"Funny thing: I just got a call from the island; one of my employees seems to have met an untimely death." Tony studied Steve's reaction, which did not disappoint.
"I don't see how that's funny at all" the blonde replied.
"Right, but isn't it funny how Barnes and Markos are both there and this happens?" Tony raised his own cell, twirling it casually in his hand. "I never hear anything from that place. Ever. Until those two vacation there."
Steve made a face and shoved his hands back into his hood pockets. "So you're telling me you think they killed your employee? On their vacation?" A tiny smirk played at his mouth. "C'mon, Tony."
Tony gave a very nonchalant, very unbothered shrug. "Just a theory."
"Okay, so...what do you want me to do about it?"
"Try calling them. Barnes will pick up if he sees your number."
"I thought you said their phones were turned off?"
"Well if they are, just leave a message. Tell Barnes you need to talk-"
Steve shook his head and turned away, trying not to laugh. "No. No way. I'm not interrupting Bucky and Alex's time alone because you have some theory you need to test."
"You really think two Avengers could really stay away from the fight, even for a week?" Tony hoped the seriousness in his tone was evident to Cap, because he was dead serious.
Steve met Tony's gaze with lingering humor. "Yes, in fact, I do."
"Ohh pffft." Tony waved a dismissive hand.
"Look - all I know is that Bucky was looking forward to this trip for weeks" Steve countered. "He told me he wasn't turning on his phone the entire time they were there. He wanted it to be just those two. No outside influences. No distractions. And I aim to honor that."
Honor honor honor honor. Tony sighed. Once Steve uttered that word, he knew it was over. "Alright" he said, walking over to the door. "If you do hear from either of them, would you mind at least telling me?"
"I absolutely will." Steve stepped into the hallway, but gave Tony one more glance. "How many days do they have left, again?"
Tony tried to think back to whatever Barnes had told him. "Uh...I don't know...two, maybe?"
Steve smiled. "Try and leave them alone for those two days, okay?"
Tony gave him a nod of acknowledgement. With nothing more said, he closed the door and Steve headed back down the hallway.
As Steve walked back to his apartment, he felt the temptation to give Bucky a call. Yes, Buck did tell him he'd have his phone off the whole week, so it didn't strike him as odd. But...something Tony said did nag him a little:
I never hear anything from that place. Ever. Until those two vacation there.
Steve slowed his walk to a halt. He fished out his cell phone and brought up Bucky's number, then hesitated.
No, I'm not calling him, he thought. If something happened, he'd tell me.
Steve stared at the screen a moment longer, then put the phone back in his pocket and continued on to his apartment.
Back on the island, Bucky and Alex spread out a blanket on the beach and watched the sun set together. After the colors of the fading day disappeared into the dark sky above, they remained spread out on the blanket on their backs, gazing up at the stars and talking. Because of all the light pollution marked by their proximity to New York City, star gazing was a rare occurrence, especially when they could see as many stars as they could at that moment.
They were dressed down comfortably, maybe even a little overdressed. Even with the sun down and a breeze blowing along the beach, the night still felt a little balmy for almost midnight. Bucky wore white gym shorts and a heather gray t-shirt that bore the Avengers logo on the left check pocket. It was one of his softest shirts (Stark didn't skimp on the logo-wear, that was for sure), and Alex loved it any time she got to cuddle up against Bucky when he was wearing it. She donned a black shirt that bore the Foo Fighters band logo (one of her favorites, which was also slowly growing on Bucky) and her pink and gray plaid sleep shorts. She brought a long, loose cardigan in case it turned colder while they were out, but given how warm it stayed, she would likely use it more for a pillow than a cover-up.
Eventually, the night sky darkened enough that stars began to emerge, turning into countless glittering points of light all around them. Bucky held Alex's hand, his fingers lazily playing between hers as he gazed upward. "You ever wonder how many of those stars up there have worlds like ours?"
Knowing Bucky loved all things that had to do with space, Alex happily indulged him. "Thor is proof of that, isn't he?"
"True...But they can't all look like him, can they?"
"Who's they, specifically?"
"Whoever lives up there." He lifted a finger and pointed. "Like here, to the west - near that big cluster. See it?"
A smile formed on Alex's face. "I do. Who ya think lives there?"
Bucky settled his hands on his chest thoughtfully. "Alien race. Humanoid. Dark purple skin. Blue hair. Communicates through telepathy." He eyed her, a smile brewing. "They might even be able to read another's thoughts with their hands."
"Hey!" Alex shoved his shoulder playfully, getting a carefree laugh from him in return.
"Teasing, babe." He kissed her cheek. "I can't imagine you with purple skin or blue hair."
"I bet I could rock blue hair, though." She tried to hold back a giggle. "Where do you come up with this stuff, anyways?"
"You know how it is when I let my mind wander."
"...yeah, usually it ends up somewhere naughty."
Bucky gave her a glance. "Is that bad?"
His brazen grin told Alex he knew already knew the answer. "Not whatsoever." She nudged him in the shoulder for good measure. "But it's fun to hear what else your mind can come up with."
They settled back into a peaceful silence, their eyes returning to the night sky. Alex listened sound of the waves washing in and out, feeling her body growing heavier and sleepier. Maybe it was the rhythmic waves, the warm breeze, or just the events of the past two days catching up to her, she didn't know. All she knew was that it felt good to be laying there beside Bucky, doing what they did when they first arrived on the island.
"You know," she said after a while, "what we're doing right now is something most couples only ever dream of doing?" She rolled her head over to see Bucky. "Island getaway. A blanket on the beach. A quiet night alone under the stars..."
An easy smile formed on Bucky's mouth, but his eyes remained staring upward. "It is pretty romantic." He turned his face towards Alex, his smile lingering. "Easily the most romantic thing I've done in my life."
In the pale light of the moon, the strong features of Bucky's face were illuminated. Alex lost herself in it the mix of light and shadow that chiseled out his strong cheekbones and gave his mouth a more pronounced pout. Her eyes drifted down to his ample bottom lip, feeling the urge to kiss it but stopping herself instead.
Bucky was far too perceptive and way too in tune with her not to notice this slight hesitation. "Where'd your mind go just now?"
"Just thinking about how I would normally be turned on by all of this, if it wasn't for everything that happened." She couldn't help but feel guilty when she said this, as though mentioning it would only do more harm. It was how she felt, though, and she wanted to be honest on both counts.
Shifting his bulky form onto his side, Bucky gave Alex his full attention. In the darkness, the blue of his eyes had softened to appear more gray. Within them lay a mix of caution and concern. "Is what we talked about this morning still bothering you?" His voice echoed the worry he had for her well-being.
Alex shook her head. "Not any of that, no."
"What is it, then?" He reached over and placed his open palm on her stomach, warming her with his touch. "You can tell me. I won't be mad, you know that."
His hand on her stomach was a tender gesture; one that made Alex feel safe. It was large enough that it took up most of the width of her stomach, but the placement of it over her womb and belly button, was incredibly nurturing. She slid her hand over his, connecting with him. "I do know, and I love you for it. I think maybe it's just a little of everything since yesterday and it's all finally adding up. From Heilani's visit, to knowing the fallout that awaits us back home, to having this feeling that the tone of our vacation has changed..."
This last part got to Bucky. He'd felt it since the moment he realized who Boroshka was, and even more so now that they'd taken care of him. He swore he wouldn't let it impact the trip, but perhaps this was another lesson for him. A lesson in letting go of things he couldn't change. But that didn't mean he couldn't keep trying, if only for Alex's sake. They still had one full day left. One precious day. Regardless of whatever tone the trip had now taken, they were still together. There was nowhere else he'd rather be than with Alex.
"I keep waiting for you to tell me to knock it off" Alex joked, trying to lighten the mood. She looked over to see Bucky shaking his head at her.
"Never gonna happen, doll." His eyes crinkled at the corners. "To be honest, I feel the same way you do."
Alex was surprised to hear this. "Really?"
"I've just been trying to make sure you're happy." Bucky moved his hand up to cup her cheek. "You are happy, aren't you?"
She felt her heart puddle inside her chest. "You almost never - and I mean never - have to ask me that question if I'm with you."
"I'm still going to."
"I see that."
Their smirks were a mirror of one another in that moment.
Alex wrapped two fingers around Bucky's chin, pulling him in for the kiss she denied herself earlier. "I am very happy" she told him. "And maybe everything I'm feeling is just because our trip is almost over. I don't want to leave this place when there's so much left to do and so much left to explore with you."
"Well that's the beauty of it" Bucky said with an encouraging grin. "We have our whole lives to explore together. Doesn't have to be limited to one week on an island."
Alex swallowed, pushing down the butterflies that were fluttering from her stomach up into her throat. Bucky wasn't one to talk about the future, at least not any further than a few days. She was always okay with this because the future scared her. She had about as much control over the future now as she did when she was younger, but at least now it was a brighter future. She found a family that accepted her, and a purpose that suited her. Bucky had been the wild card she never expected, but here she was lying on a blanket with him on a beach listening to him talk about their whole lives together.
While still on his side, Bucky opened his arms to her. "C'mere" he said, offering the space next to him on the blanket. Alex shifted into him, finding a comfortable spot with her back against his chest. The meaty muscle of his bicep acted as her pillow.
Bucky kissed her head and smoothed her hair down along her back. "Close your eyes, doll."
"Why?" Alex lifted her head, only to have Bucky gently nudge it back down.
"I'm going to take your mind off everything, and we're going to rewrite the tone of this vacation for the time we have left."
Intrigued, Alex nestled into the cocoon of Bucky's body as his metal arm tightened around her. She closed her eyes and felt his hand stroke her head in a slow, even pace.
"Ever since I met you" he whispered, "all I ever wanted to do was protect you, and make sure you felt loved. I hope I've done that."
"You have-"
"-Shh." He placed a light kiss behind Alex's ear. "You're listening right now, not talking."
She couldn't help but smile. "Okay, okay."
Bucky continued to stroke her hair, the silky strands effortlessly passing through his metal fingers. Her incredible body - lean and powerful and gorgeous - seemed so much smaller when she was laying against him like this. Between her flexibility and agility and the strength she could summon from her powers, Alex was a force to be reckoned with all her own. But when Bucky laid with her like this, with her hair in his hands and her tiny waist cupped inside his own, he felt like a true protector. After decades of brainwashing and a life crafted by chemicals and torture, nothing meant more or felt better to him than being a protector. Her protector. In his arms, Alexis would always be safe. In his arms, she would never have to worry about the likes of Boroshka, Hydra, or any of them.
Bucky pressed his mouth closer to her ear and closed his own eyes. "No matter what happened yesterday, no matter what concerns you had or what fears you felt, just know I'm never leaving your side." He trailed his fingers down along her arm slowly and drew them back up again. "Best team ever, a wise woman once said."
Alex broke into a huge smile. Even better, she could feel Bucky smiling as well. He continued with his calming touch, which in no time relaxed her smile into a more serene expression.
"Thank you for being by my side. Especially yesterday." He dragged his lips along her skin and kissed her shoulder. "You didn't have to, but you did. Never even hesitated." He brought his mouth back to her ear. "Thank you" he breathed.
There wasn't anything overtly sexual about Bucky's kisses or the words he was whispering, but Alex felt an unavoidable warmth unraveling below her belly. It was as intimate a moment as Alex ever experienced. It was tender and sweet, and she felt cared for in a way only Bucky had ever made her feel. But this, coupled with his needful touch and the intensity of his voice against her ear, was slowly undoing her.
"You're so good to me" Bucky uttered, his breath coaxing tingles from her skin. He traced a finger along her jaw to her ear, then down the length of her neck where he placed another soft kiss. "So, so good to me."
It was hard for Alex to hear these things and not respond. It was even harder for her not to roll Bucky over onto his back and attack his unfairly perfect mouth with her own. He must have sensed this, or maybe he just knew her this well at this point, because his hand moved down to her hip and gently cinched her in place against him. He tugged at the collar of her t-shirt a little, exposing more skin for him to taste.
"Every moment of every day, I crave you." He peppered the back of her neck and shoulder with kisses, each of them marked by the feel of his breath and tongue. "I crave your affection." He nibbled the flesh of her shoulder and licked the mark with his tongue. "I crave your desire." Another nibble, this time in the crook of her neck. "I crave your love."
His deep voice hummed against Alex's ear, his arms hugging her even closer. She sighed and leaned further into his touch. Everything felt so good. The subtle intensity of the moment. The ocean breeze. The salt in the air sticking to her skin. The body of her soldier pressed against hers while his breath tickled her skin.
"You are my everything, Alexis." He buried his nose in her hair and lowered his voice even further. "I love you with my whole heart."
Alex felt the warmth of metal fingers wrap gently about her jaw, turning her so her mouth was in line with his. Bucky kissed her, satiating her need to feel him. His tongue dipped inside her mouth, pulling a weak moan from her throat. When he pulled away, Alex was left breathless.
His blue eyes narrowed on her beneath heavy lids, and he smiled. It brightened his whole face, lighting in from within from the happiness he felt. He rested his forehead against hers and closed his eyes. Alex closed hers too, and their mouths found another's once more. It was another one of those moments where Bucky and Alex's bond spoke in ways that words couldn't. They felt it, whatever it was that connected them, pulling between their bodies in that moment and they gave in to it fully.
The couple slept on the beach for the remainder of the night, wrapped in one another's arms under a blanket of stars, and let their connection heal the hurts of the day.
