Chapter Thirty-Seven

It was a busy night for Teppan. Like every other Friday night, customers came and went rapidly, ranging from only one person to large groups. And this week, it was not just that there were many people, but there were five groups of American Tourists and who knew how many more coming because of some international travelling group's arrival to Tokyo.

And not just that, but I'd been working an extra shift as it was. Now I was stuck here because I knew the most English.

Oishi waved me over as I gave orders to the cook and headed for another table.

"I've called Yuuko Matsumoto and she can come in in an hour." He said. Stress dug its hands out of my back. Relieved, I went on to serving the tourists.

I would be freer in an hour. Just an hour.

The door let in a stream of cold air. A man was hunched over and panting to catch his breath. He stood up straight and looked around.

I held in my displeasure at Kinnosuke being here.

When he spotted me, he promptly shouted, "Naoki Irie!" The whole restaurant glared at him.

"I'll only be a moment." I said to the customer I was serving and met Kinnosuke in the middle of the cafe.

"Why do you have to be so loud?" I said, completely disinterested at this point.

"You have to come with me." He heaved.

"Huh?" I said and narrowed my eyes at him.

"Your little brother is at Takao Hospital with Kotoko. There's something about a surgery needing to be done. They need you there."

My chest seized in a sort of panic. I rushed to the counter where Oishi stood working, "I have to leave now. I'm sorry."

"Yes, go. I'm sure we'll figure something out." He said.

Kinnosuke and I dashed out the cafe doors and I called for a taxi. We both shoved into the backseat. My mind ran in every direction.

"Takao Hospital." I said.

"Get us there as fast as you can!" Kinnosuke busted my left eardrum. The taxi sped down the street.

"What do you know about why he's there?" I said. My mind had conjured up many things in a couple of short minutes, from broken bones to falling down the stairs.

"Something about his stomach. It hurt so badly, he couldn't move." Kinnosuke said.

"You know, you need to tell people where to reach you. I ran around trying to find you at seven different cafes before I actually found you." Kinnosuke added.

As the time in the cab went by, I became more and more nervous. What if something happened before I could get there?

I drummed my fingers on my leg but nothing was going to calm me down right now. I stopped trying. Scared to death for Yuuki, we got to the hospital. I paid the taxi quickly and Kinnosuke and I found a nurse.

"Where is Yuuki Irie?" I asked urgently.

"He's just down the hall in room 308." I shot down there, Kinnosuke staying put in the waiting room.

I entered the room to find Yuuki pale and sweaty, cringing even in his sleep.

"Irie-kun!" Kotoko cried at me, "We were eating dinner and he just collapsed like this. The doctor can't do anything about it without a family member's consent." She was terrified, wrinkles on her forehead, her eyes wide.

"You're the older brother, I presume?" A doctor said as he came into the room.

"Yes." I nodded and he whisked me away into a separate room where I signed the documents for Yuuki to get the surgery he needed.

"For a thing like this," Dr. Kida said, "It's not usually fatal. But that's only if it's caught in time. An intussusception can turn deadly fast. That girl was very smart to call the hospital right away. If she'd left it overnight, it might've been dangerous."

I nodded, listening close.

"You're lucky she was around."

We headed back into Yuuki's hospital room where Kotoko was kneeled by his bed talking to him, a frown prominent.

"Am I going to die?" Yuuki asked me, his voice cracking and wobbly.

"No, it's a simple operation. It'll be quick." I assured him and squeezed his shoulder.

"Let's move him to the operation room." Dr. Kida moved in with a nurse and wheeled Yuuki out on a stretcher. Another nurse led Kotoko and I out of the room and to the waiting area.

"Wait here until the surgery is over." She said.

"Thank you very much." I said to her. Kotoko found Kinnosuke.

"He's going under now." She said.

"It'll be okay now, Kotoko. I have to be leaving. The restaurant is really busy." Kinnosuke ran his fingers through his hair.

"Thank you." Kotoko smiled at last.

"I'm glad everything's okay. See you later." He went for the door, but I had to say something… anything. This was my brother after all, and he'd run around town trying to find me.

"Ikezawa," I started, and as much as it pained me, I said, "thank you."

He turned on me, "Aren't you a little too selfish? I don't care if you want to live alone, but tell people where they can reach you! What would you have done if something happened to Yuuki?" I didn't want to know what could have happened if he didn't get that surgery because of me.

"There must be a good reason you want to be alone, but if something happens because of that, not only you, but the people around you will get hurt. It's too late if that happens." Even coming from such a stupid person, this spiel had some truth. It would've been my fault if Yuuki had ended up dying because I couldn't give my consent for surgery. I wouldn't have been able to live with that on my shoulders, and I couldn't imagine what it would have done to my parents.

"See you later, Kotoko." He said and left Kotoko and I in the waiting room.

I was silent, contemplating what he'd said. I'd have told people where I worked and lived if I'd known this would happen. But I didn't know.

"Irie-kun?" Kotoko said. I sat and rubbed my head, still saying nothing.

"Oh!" She whipped out her phone, "I forgot to call your mom… oh no, so many missed calls." She bit her lip.

"We're at a hospital, you know." I said.

"Right. I should make it outside." Kotoko tripped on the way to the door and fumbled with her phone.

It brought a half smile to my lips, but it didn't stick. My nerves were shot. I watched her through the glass doors. She was shaken to say the least. Certainly, it appeared her nerves were more shot than mine. She'd had the trouble of bringing him here and trying to find me after all. She'd done everything right, too. And I hadn't even thanked her yet.

I stood and went to the doors, thinking about what to do.

"You take care of yourselves, too. We'll be waiting here for you when you get back." Kotoko said and hung up the phone. She stood there, shivering in the wind and took a few deep breaths.

I pulled open the door and brought her to me in a hug from behind. She shivered again.

"Thank you, Kotoko." I said and hugged her tighter.

Not to my surprise, she began to cry.

"I was so scared." She whimpered. Kotoko spun around and squeezed me into a big hug, shaking and crying.

"I was so scared, Irie-kun!" She said into my shoulder and I wrapped my arms around her, trying my best to comfort her after I'd been the one to cause her all this distress.

"It's okay now." I rested my chin on the top of her head and she continued to cry into me. For the first time in what must've been many years, I felt truly awful. Guilt ate me from the inside out. I'd done this.

She calmed down and we waited inside for an hour, her eventually falling asleep in a waiting room chair.

Dr. Kida returned with good news and I stood, "The operation was a success, and Yuuki can move to the general ward tomorrow," He said, "You should go home for the night." I immediately had some protests. Yuuki had never actually spent a night alone.

"But…"

"You can't stay in the ICU and there's no place for you to sleep here. He is asleep right now anyway and probably will stay that way until morning. It's best if you just go and come back tomorrow."

"I understand. Thank you." I said. Kotoko woke and gazed around tiredly.

"Have a good night, you two." Dr. Kida smiled and was on his way. Kotoko got up and stretched with a yawn.

"How did it go?"

"The surgery went well and he can be moved to the general ward tomorrow. We should leave for the night now." I said. She furrowed her eyebrows at me.

"I'll stay with Yuuki-kun." She said, insistent as ever.

"You can't. You should just leave it up to the doctors now."

"No, really…" She tried again.

"No, really, you should get some rest. He's going to be okay here." From the look in her tired eyes, it seemed that that was all she really wanted right at the moment. Yet still she hesitated.

"Let's go. I'll take you home." She caved and followed me to the door.

Outside, snow littered the ground and swept by my face in a gust of freezing air. The streets were deserted other than the few remaining cars making their way around. No taxis.

"It's cold." Kotoko said and rubbed her hands together. I checked the time in high hopes we hadn't missed the last train. No chance. It had left an hour ago.

"We missed the last train," I said. I searched the streets for any sign of a taxi, one last time, "It doesn't look like we can get a cab either."

"What are we going to do?"

There was no other option unless I wanted to take an hour and a half to walk her home, then another to get back to my apartment. She could just spend the night with me.

"Do you want to sleep at my apartment? It's only about fifteen minutes from here." I said. She lit up. There was my answer. I began down the sidewalk and she tailed me.

"Wait, what about an umbrella?" She grappled with her bag and flung out an umbrella. It popped open, nearly hitting me in the face.

"Careful with that." I said. She held it over both our heads.

"Sorry." Kotoko giggled.

Snow blew harder through the trees and buildings. I shoved my hands deep into my pockets, wishing it to end.

Kotoko, on the other hand, smiled in the face of it, "It's so beautiful. I love snow."

"You would." I mumbled, as there must not have been anything she found troublesome or annoying.

"Hm?"

"Nothing."

Kotoko rambled non-stop for the next five minutes and then the rest of the walk was quiet. I wondered what she was thinking now.

I buzzed us into my building and brought her to my apartment down the hall. I unlocked the door and stepped in, but Kotoko continued to stare in from the hallway. She pressed her lips together, nervous but elated.

"Come in." I said. She nodded and shuffled inside.

"Thanks." She said.

I took off my shoes. Kotoko went on staring at everything in the apartment in awe of it. But surely, there was nothing special about a bookshelf.

"Stop staring at things." I said.

She did not listen.

Realizing in a snap that I had out a certain picture, I discreetly slipped it into the desk drawer.

"Has Matsumoto been here?" Kotoko asked, suddenly becoming less elated.

"No. You are the first person I've brought here." She shone. Assuming she wanted to get some rest soon, I decided to put off my shower.

"Do you want to take a shower?" This proposition startled her and she waved it off.

"No, no, you go first."

"I can take one after you."

"This is your place. You can go first," she said, "Oh, right… I have to call your mom and tell her the operation was successful. You just go on ahead." She reached for her phone and started to dial. I couldn't fathom what the problem was. It was just a shower.

But I supposed I was going to have to go first. I got my things together and headed into the bathroom.

I took a quick shower and dressed. Outside, Kotoko sat stiffly in a chair around my dining table. I took to my dresser, digging out some clean clothes for her to wear to bed. She was so short, I wasn't even sure they'd fit her, but they would have to do well enough.

"Here," I handed her the clothes, "You can wear something of mine for tonight."

She rose from the chair, "Oh… thank you. See you in a little."

"Towels are in the bathroom closet." I said as I opened a book.

She shambled into the bathroom awkwardly and closed the door. I blocked out the sound of her talking to herself and read for the next half hour as she showered and got ready for bed.

When she came out of the bathroom, my clothes flooded around her feet and way past her hands.

"Thank you for the bath." She said.

"Sure," I set the book on the table, "I'm going to sleep."

Kotoko danced for the floor beside the bed, "Okay. I'll sleep here so you can have the bed." Her smile burned her cheeks bright red.

"That is how it should be." I said and watched her scrunch her face up.

"You're supposed to say, 'No, I will sleep on the floor so you can use the bed'." She made a grand gesture with her arms. I repressed a laugh.

"I was kidding," I stole a blanket from the shelf beside my bed, "You sleep in the bed."

"Oh, but I would feel bad!"

"You started this. Whichever you want, just go to sleep." I finished making the bed on the floor and went for the light switch.

"But…"

"Goodnight." I took my place on the floor and she crawled in under the covers on the bed.

It hadn't been a solid minute before I heard, "...Hey." whispered to me from the bed.

"What is it?"

"Can you keep a nightlight on?" I watched the ceiling, becoming frustrated at all this fuss over showers and sleeping arrangements and now nightlights.

"I can't sleep unless it's dark." I said.

"But how will I be able to go to the bathroom without stepping on you?" It was a fair point, and it wouldn't have surprised me if she was afraid of the dark.

"Geez…" I got up to turn on the bedside lamp, the lowest form of lighting I had, "Is that good?"

"Yes. Thank you." I laid back down.

Again, less than a minute later, I heard another, "Hey."

"What is it now?" I asked.

"Aren't you cold down there?"

"Of course I'm cold. It's winter."

Kotoko sat up sloppily and climbed out of the covers, "I'll sleep on the floor instead."

"Just go to sleep already." This was becoming stupid.

"But I feel bad. It's cold…" I stopped her right there.

"Alright then. Enough. I'll sleep in the bed, too." I said and stepped out from under the blankets.

Kotoko's eyebrows raised, "What?" I climbed into the bed beside her.

"W-wait a second, I'll sleep on the floor."

"It's okay. You'll be quiet if it's like this." I pulled a pillow over to myself and closed my eyes, although I didn't get very far with the lamp in them, "Goodnight."

It took her a moment to decide to lay down, but I didn't feel her trying to sleep. She settled for adjusting herself. She laid still after another minute. This time it was me who disturbed the silence.

"Are you disappointed I'm not trying anything with you?" I said.

"No… I'm not." She said, but I heard it in her tone. She'd never been very convincing when lying.

"I don't want it to go according to my mother's plan." I explained, "If she were to find out you stayed the night and something had happened, it would be exactly what she would want. Then she'd control me forever. It was the reason I didn't tell her this address."

"I kind of understand." Kotoko said, and I just knew she was smiling.

"You know how she is. If I did, she'd invite herself over, make a spare key, make me dinner… then there would be no point to living alone. I didn't want to follow their path anymore, so I moved out to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I won't just take over my father's company for the sake of doing it." I didn't know why I was spilling all of this now, but it felt kind of good.

"Speaking of which, I thought about this at the hospital today," She began, "Lives can depend on split-second decisions. Something really small can make something curable become incurable. I thought about how intense a doctor's job can be, and how smart they all have to be. And then I thought you could do all that. You could invent new medicines or learn how to cure a disease in a second. You have a lot of potential." She explained it with such excitement, her voice high. She made it sound fun.

A doctor? I thought. I hadn't considered it, but now that I thought about it, it seemed sort of thrilling… being able to save people's lives and cure illnesses and figure out solutions to problems people hadn't thought of yet.

"There are so many possibilities, but it means nothing if you don't know what you want to do. I was so bored at home, doing nothing about it. But now my life has become so busy, and I've started realizing little by little…" I wondered if I should say anything, "what's important to me, and what I'm interested in."

I thought about telling her how I felt about her, for a brisk moment… telling her that she was someone so important to me.

Kotoko was silent. I turned onto my other side to find her fast asleep. The idea left me. I would probably never tell her.

Her face was so peaceful and happy in sleep, as though there was nothing plaguing her. She left me awake so I could deal with my own plagues by myself, sort them out before I made the rash decision to tell her who she was to me.

"You're always like this at important times." I said to the sleeping Kotoko.

It's true, isn't it? I asked myself, like I didn't already know. I love her, don't I?

I was content in the answer, content with my feelings for her.

I knew I'd finally accepted it, fully.

I woke mid-morning alone in my apartment. I got out of bed to get ready to go to the hospital. I was slowed down by what I found on the table.

A pot of coffee, a mug, and a note.

I poured a cup of the coffee as I sat and read the note.

I'm going to the hospital now to check on Yuuki.

Please have some coffee if you want.

P.S. I liked the talk we had last night.

Kotoko

I took a sip of the succulent coffee, one of the only things she knew how to do exceptionally well. Even in it being cold, it tasted great. I woke up through the cup and got dressed.

The walk to the hospital woke me up even more and I stopped by a flower shop on the way, picking up a bouquet of flowers at random.

I came to the hospital and went for the desk.

"Where is Yuuki Irie's room?" I asked.

"Room 257. I was getting ready to make a run down there in a minute. Why don't I show you the way?" A nurse said. She came out from behind the desk.

"That'd be great. Thanks." I said. She gestured for me to follow her and we walked to an elevator, where we took off for the second floor.

"Are you his older brother? He's been asking about when you're coming." The nurse asked.

"Yes, I am."

She smiled at me. "Your little brother is doing very well."

"That's good to hear."

"The young lady came early in the morning and took care of him. I think it helped to comfort him."

We arrived to room 257 and she slid the door open. She giggled.

"Oh, she must be so tired."

Inside the room, Kotoko sat in a chair, her head laid on Yuuki's bed, in a deep sleep. She didn't stir.

"Let's not wake her up." The nurse fiddled with Yuuki's IV and looked down to Kotoko, "Your girlfriend is cute," I'd never thought the day would come that I didn't object to that kind of mistake, "Enjoy your stay." She said and left us alone.

With Yuuki and Kotoko both asleep, there was almost no reason for me to be here. I sat down the flowers on the bed and examined the decorations Kotoko had made and put up around Yuuki's bed. On a small table, treats piled high. Above his bed read 'Get well, Yuuki!'. Origami animals cluttered the floor and the bed in front of her.

Kotoko had done all this without even being asked... so great. I'd reprimanded her for being stupid all this time, but I hadn't credited how caring she was and even to Yuuki who pestered her constantly. She was unconditionally sweet. Maybe I didn't deserve her.

I went around and sat on the bed next to Kotoko. Still, she didn't wake. So deep in sleep. She was amazing. My mind was overrun with only one thought that I couldn't drive away this time.

I leaned down over her and my lips touched hers for the second time. Enveloped in total bliss, it was hard to pull away. Part of me wished she would wake and catch me so I wouldn't have to wonder about if I would ever tell her.

Kotoko didn't wake up, but someone did. Bringing myself away from her, my eyes landed on Yuuki, sitting up partially. He gawked at me, maybe never having been in a bigger shock in his life. To not wake Kotoko, I put one finger to my lips, unable to contain my grin. I relayed to him my secret in that simple motion.

Yuuki stared me out the door of the hospital room.

It looked like this secret was out there whether I wanted it to be or not.