Chapter Thirty-Eight

I hung my apron on its rack and got my coat, done with my lunch shift at Teppan. I'd been taking on these shifts since dropping a class I thought useless. Kotoko had been coming occasionally for lunches here, though today I hadn't seen her. Matter of fact, I hadn't even seen her around the university today.

I braced myself against the harsh winter air on the ten minute walk back to school. The chill was worse than it was last year at around this time, and the wind was nothing less than jagged shards of glass cutting through my coat.

I finally got to the school grounds about five minutes until the time I'd allotted myself in the library before my last class in an hour. On the way there, I kept an eye out for Kotoko. On days she didn't come to bug me at Teppan, I liked to watch and make sure she was okay because sometimes she tended to overwork herself. I didn't see her anywhere around.

At the library, I found a table near the windows and set down my bag and coat. And I went right for a section I'd barely charted into in the past… the medical section.

I couldn't stop thinking about it since Kotoko brought it up. Perhaps I would be a good doctor or surgeon, and it would be something I actually enjoyed. The idea had been sticking with me since last week until I'd finally given in to it and now I found myself here, studying it.

I picked a few books and gathered myself at the table. These were introductory books, but with a subject as intricate as the medical field, they were heavy. The weight of them in my hands was invigorating, all of this new information to learn giving me a rush.

What was in these books was somewhat complicated, at least for the average student. But I understood them fine. The words were long, the pages filled with charts and illustrations, and the paragraphs packed into small print. I looked over all three, all of them being essentially the same thing. I read through the first one for the hour I had and brought the other two back to their shelves. I checked out the one that remained, all these new words and meanings swimming around in between my ears.

They settled at last as I began my walk across the university for my last class of the day. This time, my eyes landed right on her.

Kotoko was not alone, but she wasn't with her friends or Kinnosuke. Not even Sudo. This guy was unfamiliar, but with the way he spoke to Kotoko, he must've known her. And if she did know him, it confused me how I'd never heard of him or seen him before now. I walked right past them, watching as she laughed at something he said. Something about them together was off.

I sat in my desk in class, trying to reach around in my memory for any mention of him. Maybe put a name to a face. And I hoped they weren't how they seemed.

Unluckily for me, I had this class with Yuuko. It was not as though I didn't enjoy her company, but I didn't particularly want to talk right as she sat down beside me.

"You must be in a good mood." She said, although there can't have been anything that indicated such.

"Why?"

Yuuko pressed her lips shut in a sealing motion, "You don't know?"

The professor interrupted any questions I had.

Class went on, however this subject became duller every day. I'd been seriously considering a switch for at least four days now and every time I came to these classes I held no interest in, it became clearer. Then I would think of my parents and how they would react.

They would be furious I wasn't following their plan. Little did they know, they already had half of what they wanted… for me to feel something for Kotoko… but since they didn't know it, it meant nothing and it meant that I was going against them in every single way.

I took notes, but not as many as when I'd first started the year, and Yuuko left without me at the end of class. No way I'd be getting any answers from her now.

On the way out the door, my phone rang. Seeing that it was my mother, I contemplated answering, but accepted it anyway.

"Hello?"

"Onii-chan, I'm surprised you answered. You never answer my calls anymore!" She whined from the other end of the line and reminded me of why I didn't want to answer.

"Is there something you wanted?" I said, the wind slicing at my cheeks as soon as I stepped outside of the building.

"We barely see you anymore, so I thought I'd invite you to come over to dinner tonight." She would have gone on had I let her.

"Fine," I agreed. It would keep her off my case for now, "What time is it for?"

"Yay! Papa, Naoki is coming over for dinner tonight!" She yelled to my father.

"Mom, what time?" I asked and she came back.

"Six o'clock. Can't wait to see you."

"Bye." I hung up and let my phone fall into my bag.

My legs were numb by the time I made it back to my apartment. I sat on my bed, warming up as I took out the medical book I'd checked out. For the hour and a half that I had to read it, I picked up where I left off. The more I read, the more interesting it seemed. The more I wanted out of the science and engineering department.

At five, I put it down and headed for a train station. It was too cold out to want to walk, so I would bear the overcrowded station.

I caught a train just in time and walked the rest of the way to my parents' house. My mother let me in the door and hustled right back to the kitchen where I heard Kotoko say, "Oops!"

I chuckled.

She emerged with a plate of food, "The yakitori is done!" She brought it to the dining room table and went back for more.

"Naoki," My father called from the living room. I took off my shoes and joined him, "How've you been? We haven't seen much of you."

"Busy." I said and sat on the couch.

There was a doorbell. I hadn't been aware anyone else was coming.

My mother answered the door and paused, "Who are you?" She said.

"I'm here for Kotoko." It was the voice of a guy, but I didn't know him. At least it wasn't Kinnosuke.

"Oh, okay. Kotoko, you have a visitor!"

"Be right there!" There was a clank in the kitchen.

"This way." My mother led him forward. I took a quick glance at him and did a double-take. This was the guy from earlier.

"What's your name?" My mother asked him.

"Takendo Nakagawa."

I got to my feet and stood in the doorway, my back against the doorframe. Maybe I could finally understand what was going on.

Kotoko came out of the kitchen and stopped in her tracks, "Oh, it's you. What are you doing here?" She smiled at him.

"I have something for you. It's just something small." He held out a fancily-wrapped box for her to take.

"A present?" She took it and gazed at its wrappings and bow, "Thank you. It's so pretty, I won't want to open it," She rattled it a little as she led him away, "I bet I can guess what it is!"

My mother hurried to me, "Aren't you worried about that, Naoki?"

"What is there to be worried about? It's none of my business anyway." I tore my eyes away from them, now fully understanding. I clenched my teeth.

"So you're okay with Kotoko dating someone else? I don't believe that for one second." She whispered in my ear and frowned at me. My temper flared.

"I don't think 'dating' is the proper term. More like 'taking a fleeting interest until he realizes what she's really like'. Clumsy, stupid, pushy… there's no way it'll last very long." My mother hit my arm.

"Don't say such mean things."

I couldn't stop my eyes from wandering back over to them. All they were doing was talking, her smiling at him. But it bothered me to no end. I chewed at the inside of my cheek to distract from the fury shooting through me and the tension running rampant along my back and shoulders.

He touched her hand and I balled my fist. That was when I forced myself to sit back down and stop watching entirely. Whatever happened, happened.

A minute later, Takendo Nakagawa left through the front door and my mother called everyone to the table to eat.

I took the seat I always sat in and everyone filled their plates.

"Kotoko," Kotoko's father began, "Who was that just now? I don't think I know him."

"I met him at school today." She said, but my mother interrupted.

"He didn't ask you out, did he?" Panic made her eyes wide. I thought of leaving. I didn't want to hear.

Kotoko pressed her lips together awkwardly and said, "Yes, he did." She peered over to me, but I refused to look.

"You didn't agree, did you?"

"Well, no, but…"

"Oh, Kotoko is going to be taken from us!" My mother went on, ever the over dramatic, "Don't you care, Naoki?"

"Not at all. She can date whoever she wants." I threw a piece of food into my mouth. She turned to Kotoko.

"I'm so sorry. If only he was nicer, you wouldn't want to date someone else." My mother sighed.

"It's okay. There's nothing going on between us anyway, and Takendo is really nice."

My brain boiled and my gut twisted into little knots as I stabbed a piece of meat. No one noticed and the two of them went on.

"He's pretty cute too, huh?"

Kotoko giggled, "When he smiles, he looks like he could be a movie star."

"A catch like that would be hard to resist." My mother poked Kotoko. My appetite deteriorated little by little.

"It won't last long, though. Anyone would be crazy to like Kotoko," Yuuki said and then he caught sight of me and it was as though he'd remembered, "Maybe not anyone." He corrected.

"Ah, perhaps Yuuki has joined my side!" My mother said in triumph.

Of course he had. Yuuki strived to be like me, and now that he knew of how I felt about Kotoko, there was no doubt that he accepted it.

The conversations straightened themselves out into normal topics, but my mind had yet to do so. I finished the food I had on my plate, wanting nothing more than to leave. I stood and brought my plate to the kitchen.

"I should be going. There's some work I need to catch up on." I said.

"So soon? You just got here." Kotoko said. I narrowed my eyes at her and nodded.

"See you later." I layered on my coat and put on my shoes.

"Bye."

Outside, the air was more refreshing than it was a nuisance. Confusion hit me over the head. I didn't get it. Then I understood.

She didn't know I'd kissed her. So while so much had been going on in my head and I'd taken fifty steps closer to her, her feet remained intact on the same ground they'd been on for probably a year. And because of that, she was now taking a different route. I had no one to blame but myself for it.

A twisted part of my mind thought this was funny. How many times now had I upset her by going out with someone else or showing no interest? The tables had turned when I wasn't even looking.

This had to be karma.