(13)
After Undyne left and L had regained his stamina from the sprint, he didn't hesitate to get going… and get away from the odd clam man, who had decided to stand at the edge of the piece of land they were on and stare out at the lava. After that, L felt it necessary to leave the odd monster be.
Just ahead he could see a large pure-white building that was a near-perfectly rectangular shape. Various pipes jutted out of the building in certain places, only to re-enter it in some other area. As L got closer, he also noticed a duo of burly black-armored knights blocking one of the paths just before the building. The unblocked path across from them led to another river access, which was odd to say the least. 'What is the purpose of these…?'
L decided to try his luck in the building, seeing as the knights weren't even acknowledging him and instead did their best to act like he wasn't there. When he tried to speak with them, the squat-helmed one on the left nearly said something, but the tall-helmed one poked his plated left arm, getting silence and an odd reaction from the other knight. L felt it would be too frustrating to deal with more knights in a way he was unused to anyways, so he proceeded to the building that had been identified as a "Lab" by the large red sign above the door. He had to stop at the door, just to stare for a moment.
'Where is the doorknob? Or anything for that matter…?' He walked up to try and see if there was any way to push it open, but instead, the door slid apart and into the frame's sides, all on its own. The strange door led L to assume it must have been more monster-made magi-tech, and he walked through.
The inside of the building was dark, only just bright enough to see where to walk. Vague dark shapes were all throughout and close to the walls. Humming mechanical noises could be heard, muffled by his loud and metallic footsteps on the tiles underfoot. A massive mirror of some sort sat against the wall, showing what seemed to be an image of L himself looking into it from a different perspective. Continuing past the odd mirror, he heard another door like the one he'd walked through open, and light, bare footsteps against the tiles sounded ahead. Fingers snapped…
Light flooded the building rapidly, causing L to shield his eyes with his hands, groaning as he did so.
"Oh. My God. I didn't expect you to show up so soon! I haven't-"
L managed to uncover his eyes once they adjusted to the somewhat harsh light and he got a look at just who was panicking so much. The monster before him was quite… different. She was short, the kid from earlier would have been almost as tall as her. She seemed lizard-like in appearance, sporting yellow scales. He had never seen attire like hers, she wore a spotless white coat and a pair of thin spectacles covered her eyes. She had begun to look around herself in a fit before eventually calming down enough to actually address L.
She was rather nervous and seemed fidgety. L took a more relaxed stance, seeing she was jumpy at his presence.
She gulped quite visibly and nearly audibly before speaking, and gave the large man a rather awkward smile. "Uh… H-hiya! I'm Dr. Alphys… Asgore's royal scientist…"
Alphys caught L's eyebrow rising at the mention of the king, she quickly decided to add on to her statement. "I-I'm not one of the 'bad guys!' I've been watching you and Toriel on my console over there ever since you left the Ruins, so I know everything! I know about your guys' plan, your friends, how you've been dealing with people, I even saw a little bit of your last encounter with Undyne, but something needed my attention…"
"Everything? So you know Toriel and I intend to tell Asgore to end his plan… then I must ask you, why would you trust me at all? What makes you wish to go against your king, instead of at least taking a neutral stance?"
"Ah, well… everyone has been waiting for a human, including myself… but we always thought they'd be some evil or dangerous person who'd want to hurt us! But you seem like a nice guy, and you haven't hurt anyone… but the first time I saw you, in your armor with that huge sword, I was scared! And then you met Sans… well, to put it short, once you watch someone on a screen, you really start to root for them. You're also just like one of the knights out of the old human history books we have! I wanted to ask you about that, by the way… why are you all dressed up like an old-timey human knight? The historical pieces we have on them date human royal knights to almost a thousand or so years old, and according to my findings on humans, I'd suspect you would have advanced much further thanks to your physically focused lives… does it have to do with why we shouldn't go to the surface?"
L crossed his arms at the inquisitive reptile. "I thought you would have known why. Perhaps you never heard the explanation at length… I did attempt to tell Undyne, but she would not have any of it."
Alphys fidgeted a bit. "Yes, I heard you say something about dying and it threw me off… can you explain?" L gave a nod.
"Quite a long time ago… maybe a thousand years now, if what you say is accurate… what is for sure is that when this happened would have been after the human before me fell down here. In short, chaos took over. At first, a curse that came to be called the "Darksign" fell upon us… it threw our great kingdom into insanity and civil war, people began attacking and killing each other. Not long after, new beings appeared, demons, dragons, giants, some animals morphing and becoming greater forms. The curse began to spiral out of control as the death toll rose. Even the king himself fell to it. Now all of mankind has been marked and exists as a mass of immortal shells, the demons and dragons roam free, and the kingdom rots. That would explain why we 'have not advanced' as you put it."
L found that Alphys's mouth had practically come loose, she was at a loss for words. A look of understanding came after, and she looked down at the tiles. "Wow… I wouldn't have thought… I'm sorry…"
L shook his head at her and shifted a little. "Do not be. My kind has done terrible things to deserve what has become of us. In a way, I suppose this existence is our recompense for what we did to your people long ago. Now you know. Mankind has fallen, we have been punished already. Asgore need not risk his people by exposing the Underground to what lies above, there is no revenge to be gotten, nor is there a place for monsters above."
Alphys looked less saddened hearing that, but she still seemed conflicted at how to feel. She had decided on one thing, however... "Well… all of that seals the deal! I want to help you! This needs to reach Asgore, and with my knowledge, I can easily guide you through Hotland! I know a way right into Asgore's castle, no problem… well actually…"
L's eyebrow jumped again. "Yes? Is something the matter?"
Alphys lost her determined look. "Well… remember when I said we thought the next human might want to hurt us? Well… a long time ago I made a robot…" That word confused L to an even greater extent. "Oh yeah, you don't… er… golem? It's like a… metal… machine? Okay, well… his name is Mettaton, and I originally built him to entertain people, you know… like a king's jester?"
L shuddered internally at the mention of jesters, and he swore he could feel the burns he had once endured giving him phantom pains… 'Damn pyromancer jester…' Alphys didn't notice his inner quake and continued.
"Anyway… I recently decided to make him more useful… just some small practical adjustments… like… um… anti-human… combat features. Of c-course, when I saw you coming peacefully, I decided I had to remove those features! Unfortunately, I may have made a teensy mistake while doing so. And… um… now he's an unstoppable killing machine with a thirst for human blood?"
Alphys then noticed L's rather deadpan look, and her nervous and awkward smile came back. "Ehehehehe… heh. But ummm… hopefully we won't run into him!"
L was about to question her about the robot and just how it was unstoppable (and he was going to tell her that there was nothing truly "unstoppable"), when a loud "CLANG" sounded out. The clang came again, and this time it had force behind it strong enough to shake the building. The next one was strong enough to make Alphys try to regain her footing after it.
Clangs issued out rapidly and Alphys panicked, yet again. "Oh no!"
The lights died out as a crash sounded out from the wall.
An odd and loud voice issued somewhere from the dark. "OHHHH YES! WELCOME, BEAUTIES…" A single light switched on, illuminating a boxy contraption. The thing had a pair of tube-like arms ending in gloves and a single wheel with which it balanced on. A screen featuring a red "M" was its main frontal eye-catcher.
"...TO TODAY'S QUIZ SHOW!" A colorful array of lights, confetti, and a large sign stating "GAME SHOW" appeared seemingly out of nowhere and the machine began to play a track of cheering voices.
The sudden array shocked L and he stood back a bit, his hand reflexively reaching to his sword's handle. 'What is going on?!'
"OH BOY! I CAN ALREADY TELL IT'S GONNA BE A GREAT SHOW! EVERYONE GIVE A BIG HAND FOR OUR WONDERFUL CONTESTANT!" The machine began clapping its gloved hands and confetti poured onto L, eliciting him to wave his free hand about in a hopeless effort and try to keep it off of him.
"NEVER PLAYED BEFORE, HANDSOME? NO PROBLEM! IT'S SIMPLE! THERE'S ONLY ONE RULE. ANSWER CORRECTLY… OR YOU DIE!" As the robot's screen flashed bloody red, L shot Alphys an equally questioning and disapproving look, his hand still brushing against his claymore's handle. All she could offer in return was her signature awkwardly stressed smile and a shrug.
The robot then somehow summoned up a large screen just above the hole he had made in the wall, and Alphys awkwardly stood by Mettaton, who was now wheeling about and waving to a non-existent audience.
"LET'S START WITH AN EASY ONE! WHAT'S THE PRIZE FOR ANSWERING CORRECTLY?"
Four letters with answers next to them appeared on the screen, and L realized the robot had asked him a question, and those were his only answers. A red 30 began counting down… A: Money, B: Mercy, C: New Car, D: More questions…
L noticed Alphys made a "D" shape with her hands and he decided he would just go with what she said, she made Mettaton after all, and L had no clue what a "new car" entailed. He also doubted this machine would give him mercy.
He edged his hand off his sword as he answered. "D, more questions."
Mettaton threw up his arms as if in congratulation and Alphys gave L a thumbs up. "RIGHT! SOUNDS LIKE YOU GET IT! HERE'S YOUR TERRIFIC PRIZE! WHAT'S THE KING'S FULL NAME?"
A: Lord Fluffybuns, B: Fuzzy Pushover, C: Asgore Dreemurr, D: Dr. Friendship.
This one was so obvious Alphys didn't even give L a hint.
"C, Asgore Dreemurr."
"CORRECT! WHAT A TERRIFIC ANSWER! NOW, ENOUGH ABOUT YOU, LET'S TALK ABOUT ME. WHAT ARE ROBOTS MADE OF?"
A: Hopes&Dreams, B: Metal&Magic, C:Snips&Snails, D:Sugar&Spice.
These answers were far too ridiculous… L felt B would be best, considering it was the only one that made any sense at all. "B, metal and magic."
"TOO EASY FOR YOU, HUH? HERE'S ANOTHER EASY ONE FOR YOU. Two trains, Train A and Train B, simultaneously depart Station A and Station B. Station A and Station B are 252.5 miles apart from each other. Train A is moving at 124.7mph towards Station B. and Train B is moving at 253.5mph towards Station A. If both trains departed at 10:00AM and it is now 10:08, how much longer until both trains pass each other?"
A: 31.054 minutes, B: 16.232 minutes, C: 32.049 minutes, D: 32.058 minutes.
L's face contorted in utter disbelief and confusion. 'Did Mettaton just… how… what in the name of… what is a train?!' He looked to Alphys solely for this one, he was totally lost. She was indicating it to be D.
"D...?"
"WONDERFUL! I'M ASTOUNDED FOLKS! DON'T COUNT ON YOUR VICTORY… HOW MANY FLIES ARE IN THIS JAR?" The screen then showed an animated image of a jar of flies, all of which were jostling about and totally impossible for L to even hope to keep track of.
A: 54, B:53, C:55, D: 52.
Again, L relied on Alphys. "A, 54." 'How is she capable of answering these…?'
"CORRECT! YOU'RE SO LUCKY TODAY! LET'S PLAY A MEMORY GAME. WHAT MONSTER IS THIS?" The screen showed half the face of one of the frog monsters L had seen in the Ruins.
A: Froggit, B: Whimsun, C: Moldsmal, D: Mettaton.
And Alphys was indicating it to be D. 'Is this a joke, or…?'
"...D, Mettaton…?" The screen zoomed out to reveal a picture of Mettaton wearing a shirt that just had an image of that monster's face. This was becoming increasingly unfair, yet somehow Alphys kept managing to get him the right answer.
"I'M SO FLATTERED YOU REMEMBERED! BUT CAN YOU GET THIS ONE? WOULD YOU SMOOCH A GHOST?"
'What?!'
A,B,C, and D: Heck yeah. Alphys gave him a look that just screamed 'If you get this wrong…'
"A, heck yeah?"
"GREAT ANSWER! I LOVE IT! HERE'S A SIMPLE ONE. HOW MANY LETTERS IN THE NAME METTATON?" The screen then filled up with N's. The answers appeared, only to increase in number themselves. A whole mass of confusion was happening and Alphys simply indicated it to be C. Again, L had to wonder how she could figure out this insanity.
"Er… C?" He wasn't even going to attempt to say that number, it just kept increasing.
"OF COURSE THAT WAS EASY FOR YOU! TIME TO BREAK OUT THE BIG GUNS. IN THE DATING SIMULATION VIDEO GAME "MEW MEW KISSY CUTIE" WHAT IS MEW MEW'S FAVORITE FOOD?"
'...What was that about my mother?'
Before L could even hope to wonder how he'd answer this, Alphys got excited, raising a hand up as she answered in his stead.
"Oh! Oh! I know this one! It's snail ice cream! In the fourth chapter everyone goes to the beach! And she buys ice cream for all her friends! But it's snail flavor and she's the only one who wants it! It's one of my favorite parts of the game, it's actually a very powerful… message about friendship and…" She had stopped blathering, finally noticing Mettaton waggling a finger at her.
"ALPHYS, ALPHYS, ALPHYS. YOU AREN'T HELPING OUR CONTESTANT ARE YOU?" Alphys gave a guilty look and nervously tried to look away. "OOOOOOH! YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME. I'LL ASK A QUESTION… YOU'LL BE SURE TO KNOW THE ANSWER TO! WHO DOES DR. ALPHYS HAVE A CRUSH ON?" The reptilian monster in question began to nervously shake her hands at L, she wasn't going to tell him the answer.
A: Undyne, B: Asgore, C: The human, D: Don't know.
'…Crush? Of course, more monster-speak I do not even have the foggiest clue about. I suppose any answer will be better than none...' "A, Undyne?" Alphys covered her face in embarrassment, L could see it had turned a shade of burning red.
'...Oh.' He was starting to get an idea about what exactly a 'crush' was now.
"SEE, ALPHYS? I TOLD YOU IT WAS OBVIOUS. EVEN THE HUMAN FIGURED IT OUT. YES, SHE SCRAWLS HER NAME IN THE MARGINS OF HER NOTES, SHE NAMES PROGRAMMING VARIABLES AFTER HER. SHE EVEN WRITES STORIES OF THEM TOGETHER… SHARING A DOMESTIC LIFE. PROBABILITY OF CRUSH: 101%. MARGIN OF ERROR: 1%. WELL WELL WELL. WITH DR. ALPHYS HELPING YOU… THE SHOW HAS NO DRAMATIC TENSION! WE CAN'T GO ON LIKE THIS! BUT… BUT! THIS WAS JUST THE PILOT EPISODE! NEXT UP, MORE DRAMA! MORE ROMANCE! MORE BLOODSHED! UNTIL NEXT TIME DARLINGS…!" Mettaton then folded up his wheel and arms, then rocketed off through the ceiling of the building, leaving a square hole in his wake.
Alphys had recovered from the embarrassment of the final question, and was now nervously looking in L's direction. "...Well that was certainly something…"
L had been silently staring up at the Mettaton-shaped hole that had been left in the machine's wake, he had no words that could express what just happened. He lacked the vocabulary and felt rather antiquated in terms of lingo now that he'd been exposed to the robot's quiz and antics. He had a flurry of questions running in his mind…
"I am sorry… did you say something?" He was still staring out through the hole.
"Oh, nothing… so about getting you to Asgore's castle, let's draw you up some plans, I doubt you can use a cell phone."
L finally looked away from the hole and over to Alphys. "A what…?"
Alphys gave a huff. "Exactly."
(13)
