Chapter Forty-Three
Winter ended early after the new year came. With my second year of college approaching, I was faced with a decision to make… whether or not I was switching to the medical department. For me, the choice was clear. The only problem presented to me was telling my parents and getting them to approve. My father would be disappointed I wasn't going to take over his company, but I was sure he'd allow for the switch. My mother, on the other hand…
I continued on my way, studying the medical books in the library and being undisturbed. That was until I was found.
"Irie-kun," Yuuko said, wandering up to where I sat, my studies fully exposed, "I never expected to see you studying." She ran her eyes over the open books, "Are you preparing for a second language class or something?" Then it struck her, "This is a medical textbook!" She looked to me for answers.
I nodded my head.
"But why?" She was scandalized.
"I've just been thinking about a change." I said, keeping my voice low for the sake of everyone else studying.
"But to the medical field? What brought that on? I mean, that's not bad, but it's so drastic."
"I don't know." I said. She stared at me. Clearly, there was a reason I wasn't telling her, but she let it slide and moved on. I was left to study.
Although, soon after, I closed the book and left the library to focus on one thing at a time. Because today, I was moving back home.
Everything had already been set up. I'd notified my landlord that I was moving out, I'd had my stuff packed and sent to the house, and I'd allowed my mother the privilege of rearranging the bedrooms. Now all that had to be brought there was me.
When I got to the house, it seemed like I'd never left. Kotoko grinned at me upon my arrival. I slipped my shoes off. She leaned against the living room door frame, saying nothing, just watching. I glanced at her and then away. She shrunk away into the living room when I went upstairs.
The rooms were back in order, but my suitcases and boxes had yet to be unpacked. I got working on those, concealing a few questionable things in my inventory.
First, the medical books no one knew I was studying from. Well, except for Yuuko now. Second, there were pictures I would have rathered people didn't know I had and a certain handmade charm. I kept looking over my shoulder to be sure I was alone as I stashed these in a desk drawer. Though Yuuki already knew about Kotoko, it was strange.
I piled my clothes into my dresser and closet and the rest of my books back onto the shelves of their origin. When finished, I piled the boxes off to the side and came downstairs for supper.
Since Kotoko had officially passed the first year of college and would be able to enter the second, there was a sort of feast. The table was littered with many different plates of food, some of it appearing to have been cooked by her father. On the wall hung a congratulatory sign.
Everyone sat down to eat. I took the seat beside Kotoko, Yuuki giving me a look over this.
My mother broke out some champaign and filled five glasses, Yuuki only getting apple juice.
"Kotoko, Naoki," My father said, "Congratulations on passing your first year of college."
"Thanks." I said and took a sip.
Kotoko brightened at the mention, "Thank you so much!"
"It's no problem," he went on, filling his plate, "And not only you two, but Yuuki is going into junior high after next year. The studying to get in there will be rigorous."
"I'm going to go to Tonan and be the top student there just like onii-chan." I was sure he would be, too. The kid was smart. Very much so.
"No doubt." I said.
"Mama, these sushi balls are delicious, as always."
"Thanks, honey."
Kotoko studied the plates, "The shapes of the daikon radishes are so pretty."
My mother peered over, "Naoki, you should eat more." She reached over and piled more food onto my plate.
I stopped her, "I can't eat that much."
"Oh, but I'm worried about if you got enough vitamins when you were living alone." She backed off rather easily. Maybe it wouldn't be as hard to live with her as it had been.
Kotoko leaned in close and said, "I think she's just happy you're home." To be honest, I was too… but for a different reason.
It was peaceful as we ate, save for my mother wanting to shove food down my throat, and I relaxed when I was done. This was normal. It felt nice to be back.
Kotoko leaned back when she finished up. She sighed, "It was so good. I'm stuffed."
"You're going to get fat if you eat like that." Yuuki said. If it hadn't been months since last seeing this, I wouldn't have laughed.
"Hey, you were eating a lot, too." She said.
"I'm okay, because I'm growing. It's not like your breasts will get bigger or something." Kotoko's mouth fell open, and then she snorted a laugh.
"You little…" She threw an air punch at him and he dodged it, suiting up, himself. The two had a fake fight. Yuuki seemed to enjoy himself. I started to wonder what was making him be so much nicer to her. Although he still threw insults, it must have been habit, since he looked much… more willing to be around her.
Oh. I thought.
Yuuki followed my every move. Of course he was alright with her now.
I chuckled at their fake fight. Then my mother moved on to a more sensitive conversation topic for me.
"It's so nice when family gets along," She said, "You know, I still have hope for Naoki and Kotoko one day." She grinned wickedly. She couldn't wait one night to get started back on one of the reasons I'd moved out in the first place. It wiped the smile from my face.
"One day, I hope they can get married and then we'll all be a real family."
"Have you had too much to drink?" I asked, though knowing that wasn't the case.
"No, that's not it."
"The food was great. I'm going upstairs now." I stood, deciding to leave before I could become any more piqued.
"Wait, Naoki," My father said, "There's something I'd like to talk to you about." He also left his chair. Leading me toward his study, he called for my mother to come along as well. This couldn't have been a nice conversation we were about to have.
Finally, we sat alone in my father's study.
"What is it?" I said.
"Naoki, I would like to know what your thoughts are on the future. Tell me what you are really thinking." My father said. Oh, so it was that talk, was it? He had to have known by now that I wasn't interested in Pandai. And I didn't think right now was the time to break the news about a change to the medical department. That would be a talk I wanted to have with my father alone first.
"You must already know this, but I am thinking about announcing you as Pandai's official successor. I want you to start working at the company after graduating."
I was absolutely still, silent. There was no budge in my mindset for wanting to switch to the medical department. But having them both here, I felt outnumbered, and I couldn't say a word.
"I am in favor of that idea." My mother said. My jaw clenched and I shot her a perturbed eye.
You would be in favor of that idea.
"It's better to learn about the work early, so you can get a handle on it. Using long holidays, like summer vacation, I'm thinking you could learn more about how Pandai functions." My father went on, "And I want to hear your opinion about the management there. What do you think, Naoki?"
I unclenched my jaw and tried to back out of the corner I was in. My father eagerly awaited my acceptance.
"I don't know whether or not I want to take over Pandai right now. I need some time to think about it." I said, although still feeling heavily cornered.
"You've had enough time to think about it," My mother cut in, but she was the last person I wanted to be hearing this from right now, "... About your father's company, and about Kotoko." I balled my fists. So, this was going there, too? Not only could they let me choose a career, but who to love. What angered me even more about the mention was that I essentially already had made up my mind about it… and I'd agreed with my mother whether she knew it or not.
My fingernails cut into my palm.
"Let's not talk about Kotoko right now, okay?" My father said.
"But this is also important for his future," She argued, "I didn't choose her randomly. The two would be perfect together."
I fought the urge to leave without saying a word more.
"If you take over Pandai, I think Kotoko would be your ideal wife."
My father pressed forward, not commenting, thankfully, "It certainly takes a great amount of work to run a company…" and then I was proven wrong, "You'll need someone who will love and support you. Maybe it's not just about marrying someone you love. In that sense, I think Kotoko would be ideal, as well."
The nerve of them to let this conversation take this kind of turn. I was furious. What, so even if I didn't love Kotoko, they would want to force me to marry her? I couldn't only be unhappy with my job, but also with my wife.
"But what is most important is your feelings about it."
You're contradicting what you just said.
"Tell us what you are thinking."
I would have, but it would have given my mother too much satisfaction and too little at the same time. That I already loved Kotoko, but that she made me not want to, and that I did not, in any way, shape, or form, need to think about whether or not to take Pandai out of my father's hands. I already knew I didn't want to.
Even if they knew my deepest secrets, however, I also knew that it wouldn't be enough for the pair of them. They didn't want to hear what I was thinking. They wanted to hear me agree with them. That had to have been the reason my father let my mother in on this conversation. She had to be there for me to not object immediately, for me to tell him what he desired to hear.
"What do I think? I think you're both forcing everything to go the way you want it to. I don't think you want to hear what I have to say at all." I snapped. I was through with this. Tonight was going to be the last night I was doing this with them.
"You're making it look like I have a choice, when in actuality, I don't. It has already been decided for me, hasn't it?" I let it spill… everything I'd been longing to say for some time now, "You're playing dirty."
"How could you say such an awful thing to your father?!" My mother was shocked, outraged, "Your father cares about you…"
"No, he is only worried about his company." I said, getting louder.
"That's not…"
"You too! Just because you like Kotoko, you try to force us together, completely ignoring my feelings about it." I spat. My head was spinning. I had never disrespected my parents in such a way.
"I explained that to you! There are reasons I think you make a good couple!" She held her heart, like it might give way.
"That's enough! I can't choose my job or who I love," I went to the door before my head popped, "This was why I left this house. I can't stand staying here where I get tied down." My pulse raced, anger overcoming me.
My mother threw her hands down. She stood in double the speed and slapped me across the face so hard you'd have thought I'd told her I hated her guts.
My father took hold of her, "Calm down!"
I blew out the door, almost running into a petrified Kotoko who stood just outside of it with a tray of tea. I stopped.
"I-I'm sorry," she stuttered, "I was just…" I burrowed past her, down the stairs, and out the front door so fast, it was a blur.
It was cold outside, but with my blood boiling, it felt alright. I took off to take a walk. Maybe I should have picked a different day to come home.
"Irie-kun!" I heard Kotoko shout, "You forgot your coat!" She ran it out to me, concern taking a hit at her expression.
"Thanks." I took it from her and didn't slow.
"Wait, where are you going?"
"For a walk."
She took off after me, "I'll come with."
"You don't have to do that. Just go back inside. You don't even have your coat." I said, my thoughts still jumbled.
"No, I want to make sure you're okay." I had no argument to offer her, as it had all been left with my parents.
For about ten minutes, she walked at my side, completely silent. I cooled down and the wind started nipping at me, so I finally put on my coat (though feeling bad she didn't have hers).
In this quiet, I wondered if she'd misinterpreted anything I'd said in there or heard anything I wished she hadn't. I wondered if she still thought I didn't like her company, and it was confirmed through the things I'd said.
"I'm sorry you had to hear that." I said, "Our fight. It was ugly."
"It's alright. I feel like I was eavesdropping," she said, "I think your mother just lost her temper. You don't usually say much. That you did shocked her. But your parents care about you a lot, you know." She rubbed her hands together.
"But I know how you feel about it, too. You only have one life. You should be able to do what you want with it."
That's right, I thought, And I shouldn't have to feel like I want to change my mind about you just because of them.
"You told me once that you go to college to find out what you want to do." I said.
Kotoko nodded, "Right, I did."
"Have you figured it out yet?"
"Sadly, no. Jinko, Satomi, Kin-chan… they've all got it figured out. I'm way behind them."
We kept walking, and she kept talking, "Kin-chan told me that when I find something I want to do, I'll know it without thinking. He said it's like falling in love with someone. But I'm so nervous about finding what I want to do."
"That's right," I said, understanding that sudden realization of knowing what you want, "That's why I think you're amazing."
We came to a park.
"If my father told me to take over his restaurant, I would listen to him. But you didn't listen to your father… and I don't think you should listen to them. You should be able to choose your job, and who you love." She sounded sad when she said that last part. So, maybe she had heard some things I would have preferred her not to.
"You shouldn't be with someone just because everyone tells you to. I hope you can find someone and be happy."
I cursed at myself internally. Assumptions… it was all assumptions.
"I…" I stopped myself, replacing it with something else, "I want to become a doctor."
Kotoko's eyes rounded, "What?"
"I was thinking about making the switch next semester. I'm not sure if it's right or not, but I've been studying it for a bit now. It's the first job that has interested me in my life."
"Why didn't you tell that to your father?"
"Until a little while ago, I wasn't sure about it. Plus, my mother was there and she's always had influence on my father." I said.
"A little while ago? When did you decide it then?" She asked, but that was something I couldn't answer.
"While we were taking this walk." I said, since what she'd said had convinced me even more so.
We crossed a deserted road.
"I don't want to tell this to my parents. Not yet, anyway."
"Why? It would get them straight off your case since you've decided."
"I want to prepare and take concrete action first. So, don't tell anyone. Okay, Kotoko?" I said. She hadn't been known to keep secrets in the past, but I didn't think this one would slip.
"Okay."
We found other people on the sidewalk, making our way toward town.
"Why did you tell me something so important, though?" I, myself, had been thinking about this. Why did I keep telling her everything? Things I didn't tell to anyone else? I'd never been like that before.
"I don't even know."
She shivered for the hundredth time. I stopped walking and turned to her.
"You're cold. Listen, just go back home. I'll be there in a while." I said.
"But are you sure you're okay? You don't need to talk more?" I shook my head.
"No, I don't. Get home safe." She fell behind and turned around. I continued my walk without her.
Everything was tranquil until I got the call.
