Chapter 39

Harry picked up his ringing phone and checked the caller ID. "Hello, Agent Coulson."

"I—"

"Yes, it's me, He of Many Names, Wang Lee."

"Yes, I—"

"This isn't a false alarm again, is it? Last time, I got all dressed up—put on my cape and everything—before finding out that it was just your satellites screwing up."

Coulson sighed. "Don't you watch the news?"

"No, I find myself to be much more interesting."

"Well, the destroyed military facility that you would've heard about if you did watch the news was ours."

"And who was it destroyed by?"

"An Asgardian threat."

Harry was silent for a moment, waiting for Coulson to continue. He did not. "Ominous and vague. Just my kind of thing. Pick me up at eight."

"What timezone?"

"I was actually joking," Harry said. "I'll be at your New York headquarters in five minutes."

"How do you know where—"

"I know all, Coulson."

For once true to his word, Harry was soon heading towards the SHIELD base in New York. 'So, who do you think the threat is?' he said. 'Thor, perhaps?'

'Without his hammer, I doubt he could do as much damage as Coulson implied had been done.'

'Who could've done it?'

'Odin, perhaps, using his spear, though coming to Midgard and razing things isn't exactly his style. I can't think of anyone else who could so it using pure physical power—Asgardians are incredibly durable, but not all that good at destroying things, compared to wizards and humans.'

'Maybe an Asgardian brought some explosives with them, or used the mortal explosives in the military base.'

'We'll just have to find out.'

A few minutes later, Harry was arriving at the location of the SHIELD base. He knew—well, his not-so-reliable source had told him—that the base was mainly underground. It probably was, seeing as SHIELD was a spy agency, their logo was an eagle, and no one would think to look for an eagle underground.

Harry glanced up at the sign above the door of the address he had been given. It was supposedly a bank. Once again, the work of a cunning spy agency—who would look for an eagle in a bank?

Harry strolled in and walked directly over to the guard. "Hello, Mr Guard, can you direct me to the secret spy agency?"

Confusion flashed across the man's face. "What?"

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Am I going to have to shout? If I shout, the secret spy agency won't be very secret, would it? You see, it's so secret that I haven't even mentioned the name."

The guard still looked confused. "What, like the CIA?"

"No, the Illuminati."

"Look, pal, I don't know what—"

"Tell me where the secret entrance is or I'm going to rob the bank."

The guard now looked more alarmed than confused. He reached for his gun only to find his holster empty. Harry nonchalantly twirled the gun about his finger, jumping slightly as it fired twice, once into the roof and once into the floor.

"What the hell? Aren't guns meant to have safeties?" Harry cursed over the sound of people screaming and squeezed the gun until it fell to pieces.

The security guard turned out not to be much of a security guard—he turned and ran.

Harry spun as someone grabbed him by the wrist, attempting to twist it and disarm him. It might've worked if he were human. As it were, all it made him do was stare at the man, eyebrow raised.

A second man in a suit exactly the same as the first's aimed a gun at Harry.

"Hello!" Harry exclaimed. "I assume that you guys are the SHIELD agents—you know, because you have guns and suits. You could be Mossad, or something, though." He frowned. "I'm not sure why that's the first spy organisation to come to mind. Probably because you guys are gonna be sad after I freeze off your limbs if you don't let go of me." Harry paused. "Man, I've really lost my touch—that was absolutely terrible."

"We were sent to retrieve you. We were warned that you were coming."

"Then why weren't you here?"

"You're in the wrong building. The base is across the street."

Harry glanced across the street; a simple-looking yet tall building sat there, unusual but for the eagle engraved above the doors.

'How didn't I notice that?' Harry asked.

'Well, we were given the wrong address.'

'Do you think it was an elaborate plan to get us to rob the bank?'

'Definetely; we should disguise ourselves as the contact and rob the bank to frame him.'

Sirens blared in the distance. 'Maybe later.'

Harry followed the agents across the road and into the other building. With them, he moved through the building, Loki mentally filing all of its detail, lest they need to break into it at a future time.

They made their way to the roof, where a futuristic-looking aircraft sat.

Harry glanced at the SHIELD agents. "Are we going to take off in broad daylight in what looks like a stealth bomber off the top of what is supposed to be an office building?"

The men glanced at each other. "Yes."

"Special circumstances," the second one said.

Harry grinned. "Glad I could be an inconvenience." He glanced over the edge of the building. "I assume it goes straight up, seeing as there isn't a runway." He held out a hand. "Wait! Don't tell me! I want it to be a surprise."

With that, he climbed abroad. Slightly to Harry's disappointment, the plane went straight upwards instead of driving forward and plunging towards the ground in a ball of fiery death and twisted metal. It rose for a few seconds before suddenly jolting and thrusting forward.

Harry leaned back into the seat and wondered if it would be a good idea to put his seatbelt on. He decided not to—it would be difficult to get changed whilst strapped to a chair.


"Hello, Agent Coulson! This giant floating aircraft carrier is the eleventh coolest thing I've ever seen. "

Coulson glanced over Harry's clothes and smiled. "And the tenth?"

"Well, you know what happens when you dump a ton of caesium into water? Well, imagine that inside someone's veins." Harry grinned. "By the way, you can call me Zeus."

Coulson paused. "Zeus."

"Yes, that's what I said. I'm a big fan of the way that he turned into a variety of animals to trick or force both males and females into sex."

"I…" Coulson trailed off, lost for words. "Come and meet the rest of the team."

"Of course!"

Harry strolled after Coulson. They moved through a few corridors until they reached a door. Coulson opened it to reveal a room with four people inside, three men and a woman.

They looked to the door as it opened. "Hello," Harry said. "I'm Zeus, and I'll be leading the team."

"No you won't," Coulson said.

Harry spun to face him. "Why not?"

"You're a criminal who doesn't appear to be mentally sound."

Harry blinked. "I'll have you know that my imaginary friend says that I'm entirely sane."

'No, I don't.'

"Okay, maybe he doesn't. I'll just sit down and pretend I'm not hurt, then."

Harry wandered over to a vacant seat and sat down. "Hi, guys, I'm Zeus and I apparently won't be leading the team." He glanced over them and focused on the woman. "I know you—I never forget a pretty face, except when I do. You're the one who attempted to seduce me and failed when I smashed your face into a table. I'm glad to see that your face wasn't ruined too badly."

Natalia, or whatever her name was, raised an eyebrow. "Thanks."

Harry looked at another one of the men, his face breaking into a grin. "You're Tony Stark! I'm a massive fan of your explosives—they're not powerful enough to kill me, and yet perfectly effective at blowing up other orphans."

Tony glanced at Coulson and then back to Harry. "Thanks, I guess. Why are you wearing a crown?"

"Oh, it's a key part of my superhero costume and my role as Zeus, king of the gods. I'm also a prince of Nigeria."

"A prince of Nigeria... I don't suppose you need a few billion dollars of my money to retrieve your own money which you're then going to give me a share of?"

"No, no, of course not. This isn't my Nigerian crown—it's the one I stole from the Tower of London."

For a moment, Tony's jaw hung. "You're the one who stole the Crown Jewels?"

Harry frowned. "I borrowed them. I put them all except the crown back when I found out how bloody hard that they are to sell on the black market without constantly wandering into MI6 traps."

Tony laughed. "Where do you get the rest of your outfits?"

"Well, I was going to steal an Iron Man suit from you, but when I tried it on, it made me look fat, so I bought this purple cape. It supposedly belonged to Emperor Caligula of Rome—he's my favourite leader, after Hitler—but was magically preserved." He frowned. "I'm not entirely sure if I believe that, but it still looks cool, so…"

"Hold up," said Tony. "You said you stole one of my suits."

"Weren't you listening? I only tried it on. Actually, that might've been in a dream."

"In a dream…"

"I dream about weird stuff, okay?" Harry glanced at the other two men. "By the way, I have no idea who either of you are."

"Captain America and the Hulk," said Tony.

Harry nodded. "Ah, Captain America's the one who wears the Puerto Rican flag on his chest, right? And Hulk is the green guy who excels at breaking things?"

Tony looked at Coulson. "Where did you find this guy? I like him."

"Thanks, Iron Man. I like me, too."

"Anyway," said Coulson. "On to the reason why we are here. An alien threat has arrived on Earth. They are from Asgard—the same place Thor was from, assuming you have read the files. The threat has killed eighty people in the last day and—"

"Eighty?" Harry interrupted. "That's horrific... How does an Asgardian only manage to kill eighty people? I could kill eighty people with a well-placed pipe bomb! This guy clearly has no experience leading terror campaigns. Does that count as a clue as to who this might be?"

Everyone stared at Harry.

He stared back. "Just to be clear, I also don't have any experience leading terror campaigns." He paused. "Well, there was that one time in Peru… Okay, I don't have much experience leading terror campaigns."

"We don't need any clues; the threat announced his name."

"Well, that's just boring."

"The threat proclaimed himself as Loki of Asgard."

Harry's jaw dropped. 'Loki, what have you been doing behind my back?'

For a moment, Loki was silent. 'It…could it be an imposter?'

"So," Harry began. "What did this Loki look like?"

Coulson picked up a remote control and clicked a button, turning on a screen in the room's corner to reveal what was undoubtedly Loki's face, attached to a body Loki's height, wearing Loki's armour. The video began to play, its subject walking and talking exactly like Loki as he slaughtered the humans.

'Yes,' Loki said. 'That is me.'

'But you're not aware of it?'

'No. Long ago, I theorised that because I was only a part of my own mind when I came to you, perhaps some other parts survived.'

'So this is the real you?'

'As troubling as the concept seems, maybe. It could be that another one of my soul's fragments survived and simply had more luck getting its own body.'

'How would they do that? We looked for years, and the best lead we got was Voldemort's ritual—and that wouldn't have worked.'

'I have no clue. Perhaps this attack is meant to attract the attention of any other Lokis.'

Harry shook his head. 'No, that can't be. You'd be far too arrogant to believe that any part except you had survived without evidence.'

"Zeus?" Coulson said.

Harry took a moment to remember that Zeus was his codename, and realised he had been zoned out for a few seconds. "Sorry, I was just entranced by how handsome that fellow is." He grinned. "Now, tell me all about our operation."

Coulson turned back to the screen and Harry smirked. 'I've been waiting for this moment for years.'

'The moment when you finally met a physical version of me so that you could sexually proposition me?'

'No—well, that too. I mean, my opportunity to prove that I can beat you in a fight without having to repeatedly punch myself in the face.'

A/N: Sorry about not uploading last week. I can't remember what my excuse was going to be. This week, I might not upload because I've got exams, though they don't really mean anything so I'll still write. Au revoir, je dois memoriser certains francais pour demain.