Chapter Forty-Seven
My mind was still, my heart steady, already having had the time to feel the choice I'd made. I let out a breath. My parents were pleasant for the moment, but that wouldn't last much longer.
Oblivious to what was going on, my mother spoke with vigor, "This Sunday, we should all have lunch here," She told my father, "I'll make your favorites and bring it in a lunch box."
"I wouldn't be able to make it." I said. I focused my attention on the hospital room window rather than my parents.
"And why not?" My mother wore a quizzical, bemused expression.
I swallowed, hesitating and taking in these last moments before it was made final, "I have a date on Sunday."
My mother gasped. She held her hand to her heart as though it might burst, "What? With who?"
"Chairman Oizumi's granddaughter."
There was more confusion from my mother, but my father had picked up on things. He stared me down, quite unhappy.
"An arranged marriage meeting?" He said, his voice betraying his disapproval, "Naoki, you don't need to do that. Pandai will fare just fine without it."
That was a lie, and my father had to have known so as well or else he was fooling himself at how bad the situation really was. Pandai needed this merger. To secure it, I needed to marry this girl I'd never even met.
My mother's face turned to utter outrage, "What's the meaning of this?" Her voice high, she stood to protest my decision.
"Wait, calm down, honey," My father said and my mother sat back down, "Naoki, if you're doing this for financial support, then I'll tell you to cancel it right now. Don't you underestimate us. We don't want you sacrificing everything you want for the sake of my company."
"That's right!" My mother put in, "Marriage? I won't allow it!"
I stayed quiet. It was too late for that, and I wasn't seeking approval.
"You should marry for love." My father said. But the date was set, and love held no meaning in the reasons I was going through with this.
To make my parents feel better, I came up with a lie, "I like her. The Chairman told me about her and she seems like my type. I'm not doing this just for Pandai." I said, but even to me, my voice sounded tired, overworked, bland.
The door flew open and chills raked up my spine, chills of regret.
"You can't be serious!" Yuuki protested, "You can't be getting married. I thought you…"
I turned in my chair, fixing Yuuki with a warning glance, relaying to him that he wasn't to say a word. And in turning, I found that two other people also stood in the doorway. Mr. Aihara and Kotoko.
She looked at me with a glazed-over expression, her face blank, but her eyes sad. This wasn't the way I'd wanted to tell her, but I supposed that it didn't matter how I broke the news because she would still be crestfallen no matter the way I phrased it.
For a moment, you could have heard a pin drop in the room.
"Irie-kun…" At the sound of her saying my name, my breath hitched in my throat, "Are you really having an arranged marriage meeting?" Her tone was almost that of a whisper, but only just broke the barrier to be heard.
I hesitated again, hating the words that would come from my mouth next, "Yes. This coming Sunday."
Kotoko stared into outer space blankly. It was this expression that pained me, this hopelessness I was sure she felt. I didn't want to be around for the reaction and, shoving away any sorrow I felt for doing this to her, I stood to leave.
"Mom, I'll need you to come with me this Sunday." I didn't wait for an answer, escaping the confines of Kotoko's upset and my mother's scrutiny.
As I walked by her through the door, I noticed her watery eyes. Tears didn't spill, but they were present. If we were alone, I might've said "sorry" for all the torment I'd put her through until now and all of which she would have to endure as I married someone else. With all eyes on me, I was without the option and I left behind me a silent room.
The not-so-silent streets outside the hospital helped to distract from the emptiness I felt. Never in my life had I stared into the face of such sheer quiet in my head. My thoughts were still, my brain weary from all of the stress that had been handed down to me, forcing me to give up only the things that mattered to me.
So instead, my brain filled with the sounds of the cars and people riding their bikes and talking, to make up for that absolute stillness.
On the walk home, there was a lacking of any emotion to feel, as I refused to give in to the weight of my decisions. My father may have claimed that I had the choice. I could marry for love. But the truth was, in order to make it up to him, there was no choice.
I found no solace in the hush of my empty home. In my bedroom, I took to studying charts to fill my head. I already knew these charts by memory, but going over them again was better than being alone in my desolate brain where I might find the thoughts that had wandered away from me in the last day.
I finished looking at the charts in no time and, after that, I had nothing to do. Unfortunately, those thoughts that had wandered away did find their way back. Even if only for a moment, I felt that true, lingering dread of what was coming. I had but a shred of hope that the Chairman's granddaughter would change her mind, but it was foundationless.
My mind was vacant again when that second escaped me.
