Ch. 10 White Sun Burning the Earth & the Sky

(CLARE)

"Go away," I call after someone knocks on the door. I don't want to see or speak to either of the Salvatore brothers or Klaus right now.

"Clare, it's Caroline and Tyler, can we talk to you? We understand what you're going through," Caroline calls through the door.

I release a deep breath, I want to be alone, but at the same time I have a lot of questions. I'm not entirely sure how Tyler will help being a werewolf, but Caroline can probably answer some of my questions. I open the door and motion for them to come in.

"I didn't ask for this, I don't want this! How am I supposed to live with my parents, go to school with my friends, and not kill them?"

"We didn't ask for this either, and we understand," Tyler replies. "Katherine manipulated people and forced me to become a werewolf. I didn't even know what was happening, I hurt people without meaning to. If I don't lock myself up when the turn happens I will kill anyone that's near me."

"Katherine killed me, I turned in a hospital without knowing what was going on. I hungered for blood without realizing it, and I drank. Bam, suddenly I'm a vampire and my mom hunts vampires and anything else supernatural. My own father tried to kill me," Caroline says.

"How do I control it? How do I go home and not kill my parents?"

"Control, and not turning off your humanity. Damon and Stefan will help you gain control before they take you home. It can be done, Tyler and I both go to school and live at home. The temptation to feed is there, but you can keep it under control. I do it, Tyler does it near the full moon, Stefan and Damon do it. So, can you," Caroline says in an encouraging tone.

"Okay, how do I start getting control?"

"By letting all of us help you," Caroline replies. I nod and leave the room, Caroline and Tyler following me. "She's ready," Caroline announces as soon as we become visible on the stairs.

"I smell something, something…something I want to…eat," I whisper stopping on the stairs.

"Blood, you smell human blood," Caroline tells me. She and Tyler each have one of my arms.

"Jeremy, Elena and Alaric are here, so is Bonnie," Tyler explains.

"Why? What if I hurt them?"

"Bonnie's a witch, Alaric has weapons, Jeremy's ring protects him from supernatural harm. Stefan, Damon, Bonnie, Jeremy and Alaric will do anything to keep Elena from being harmed. Come on, it will be okay, just breathe," Caroline says.

I close my eyes, remember that these people are my friends and fight the urge that wants me to taste the blood of the humans. When I reach the bottom of the stairs Damon takes my hand.

"You should rest more," he whispers. I know his lips moved, and no sound made it to human ears, yet I heard him perfectly.

"No, I have to return home in a couple of days. I have to return to school, live with my parents, I want to start now. What do I need to do? Tell me what to do and I will do it."

"Okay, then let's get started," Stefan says.

"Hang on, this ring will protect you from the sun," Bonnie says handing me the ring.

Damon takes it and puts it on my finger, "Never take it off or let it be taken off."

"Are you sure you're ready?" Stefan questions.

"Yes, let's do this."

For the next several hours I'm instructed on control, I use my new abilities over and over. Learning to use them, refine them, most importantly control them. To look past the scent of blood, the sounds of beating hearts. To hone in on a single sound amongst many. We stop when the humans begin to tire, I don't feel tired, only hungry. Damon gives me more blood and we continue, all night we continue.

"You need to rest," Damon says when the sun begins to come up.

"I'm not tired, a little blood and I'll be fine," I reply.

"Clare, you have to be tired, y…"

"Damon I need to continue, I can't stay in Mystic Falls forever. I have a life in Toronto, blood and we continue or I do it alone."

"I really like her," Stefan laughs going into the kitchen to get more blood.

"Damon is right, you should rest," Klaus comments.

"Someone will need to drive me back to Toronto, I will rest on the drive," I respond.

"You'll need more time for full control," Stefan says handing me some blood.

"I can't stay, my parents don't know about you. If I'm not back in a few days then Adam and Drew will come looking for me. Anyway, I have to finish my senior year. I have to spend the next six months with my friends and family and graduate high school. After that…I don't know. I won't get old, how long can I hide that I'm a vampire?"

"As long as you need to, we'll work on compelling today," Klaus tells me.

"Wouldn't that require a human?"

"I'll procure one," Klaus grins.

"No, you won't. She can practice on Jeremy, Elena and Ric," Stefan says.

We finish the blood and go back to me gaining control. We even go outside, just into the woods around the house. The ring Bonnie gave me works, the sun doesn't burn. Jeremy, Elena and Ric return late in the morning. It's a very odd feeling to smell their blood and want to taste it, I fight it. Klaus brings me more blood to feed on before we begin again.

"Clare needs to practice compelling, she'll have to if she's going to live in Toronto for the next six months and blend in," Klaus tells the humans.

"She can practice with me," Jeremy volunteers quickly.

"Me too," Ric says.

"And, me," Elena nods. After removing their vervaine jewelry I walk over to Jeremy.

"Look into his eyes, focus your eyes on his and tell him what you want. What you want him to do, forget or remember," Klaus instructs.

I want to tell Jeremy to remember everything he was ever compelled to forget. To give him back the stolen memories, but I know the memories were not good ones, and the rush of bad memories might overwhelm him. I look into Jeremy's eyes focusing on his pupils, I can feel my will being forced upon him, I'm just not sure what to say.

"Make Damon a drink," I finally say, it was the only thing I could think of.

"Okay," Jeremy nods, though his voice sounds a bit odd. As though he were a toy and I was controlling him by remote Jeremy does as I instructed. He walks to the alcohol, pours some brandy into a glass with ice and hands the drink to Damon.

"Nicely done," Damon smirks.

"Now Elena," Klaus says.

I walk to Elena and stand in front of her, focusing on her eyes, "I don't know what to say."

"It doesn't matter, you just need to practice," Elena reminds me.

I nod and look in her eyes again, too afraid to take memories or give them, I only make them do minor tasks. Commanding Elena to sit on Stefan's lap, Ric to retrieve a book from Damon's room. I then have Jeremy bring me a flower from outside, have Elena change into one of my blouses and back again, and Ric to run around the house. All stupid meaningless tasks, but I didn't know what else to have them do. I also don't entirely know that it's going to work, they are my friends, they are trying to help, for all I know they did what I asked without being compelled. I didn't feel right forcing them to do anything dangerous or too silly. I suppose I could have forced Jeremy to kiss Klaus or something, but I wouldn't have wanted to put Jeremy through that. Also, Klaus probably would have hurt Jeremy before he could kiss him, and I don't want Jeremy to be hurt.

"I'm tired," I tell Damon after compelling Ric for the second time.

"You're new at this, and that was a lot of compelling in a short time. You should rest, have some more blood," Damon says.

Klaus runs in and brings me some blood, I take the bag and begin sipping at it. Suddenly, I hear my phone ringing in my purse, in my room upstairs. Damon and Klaus hear it too, both racing up the stairs to retrieve my phone. Damon brings it to me before it's finished it's second ring.

"Hi Adam."

"Hey, we're about to head back to Toronto, when are you coming home?"

"Tomorrow, I'll be home tomorrow."

"Good, we'll go to Above the Dot. You can stay with us until your parents get home," Adam says.

Suddenly I have a vision of sleeping at Adam's house, getting hungry in the middle of the night, and feeding on Adam.

"Clare?" Adam questions when I don't respond for a moment.

"Yeah, Above the Dot sounds great. I'll see you tomorrow night, goodbye Adam."

I hang up the phone wiping the tears from the corners of my eyes.

"If you aren't ready to return home then you should stay here. We can compel your parents into letting you," Damon offers.

"No," I shake my head, "you can't compel everyone I know. My friends will never believe my parents let me give up the second half of my senior year to move to a place with people I barely know. More than that I want to finish my senior year with my family and friends. I don't know how much time I'll have with my friends and family before I have to hide and never again see them. Or expose myself as a vampire and risk even more. I need to do this Damon, I've had some blood, let's get back to work."

(DAMON)

"It's not too late to turn around and go back to Mystic Falls," I comment as the three of us enter the hotel suite. Her parents fly back in a few days, and she can compel them to invite us in, until then we have the hotel suite.

Clare used her abilities to gain control nearly to exhaustion, afraid that she would not be able to control herself without us to help her she wanted us to stay. I was always going to drive her back, Stefan was going to come with us. Klaus of course refused to have me come and leave him behind, so now the two of us are here with her. We'll stay for as long as we can, or as long as she feels she needs us.

"Not this again, we talked about this Damon I need to do this. You may not have to stay very long, if I can get through tonight then I think I've gained enough control to be here alone. I have everyone's numbers now if I need someone to talk to about it."

"It will be your first time in a crowd, a crowd of humans, it won't be easy," Klaus remarks.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," she replies sardonically.

"I speak from experience Clare," Klaus comments.

The suite that Klaus compelled the hotel manager into giving us has two bedrooms. We both wanted to share Clare's bed, but she walks into the master bedroom and closes the door. Klaus and I take the room with the two queen beds, then Klaus goes out to the mini bar. I call Stefan to tell him we've arrived and procured a place to stay.

"Escort her to the club, there's something I must do tonight," Klaus remarks.

"What?"

"I won't hurt anyone I promise," Klaus smirks.

"Somehow a promise from you means nothing."

"That hurts Salvatore, I do need the keys to the car," he says holding out his hand.

Reluctantly I give him the keys, he grins mischievously and leaves. When Clare hears the hotel suite door open she comes out of her room.

"Where's he going?"

"An errand, don't worry about it he promised not to hurt anyone."

"That doesn't make me feel any better," she sighs.

"I know, I don't trust him either. If you're sure about going to the club tonight then you should change, and feed. There's some blood in the cooler still," I tell her.

"I told Adam I'd be there," she nods.

We both have a bag of blood and she changes clothes. Then we run to the club, without the car it's the only way to get there. Clare wanted to wear a coat and appear human, I told her it wouldn't be necessary. When Clare stops running I stop as well, we must be close.

"Are you alright?" I question when I see her close her eyes.

"I can smell the coffee from the café from here. A man is walking a dog a block away. Two girls outside the club are having a conversation about their boyfriends, I hear it as though they are standing a few feet away. I taste the air, everything the wind carries with it; coffee, chocolate, strawberry milkshake, disinfectant, pesticide, human sweat."

"Heightened sense, you have to learn to ignore most of them, weed through them and concentrate only on the ones that you want."

"How?"

"Okay, think about being in a crowded room. Think about prom, a crowded ballroom, loud music, smells, lots of people talking. In that crowded room Adam calls for you, ignore everything and focus on Adam's voice."

She closes her eyes for a moment and then nods, "Okay, I think I can do this." I put a hand at her back and we start walking again. After a couple of steps she stops and grabs my hand stopping me from walking. "Damon, what if I can't do this? What if I can't weed out the extra stimuli? If the hunger becomes too much? If I hurt someone without meaning too?"

"I know you're resistant to the idea, but if you feel like it's too much here then you should return to Mystic Falls with us. Toronto is a big city, DeGrassi is a big school, it will be a lot harder in a city this size to learn control. With less people around in general, in a smaller town, and a home set away from everything it will be easier to learn control. I know it's not the same, but we can arrange for you to go to Mystic Falls high. You could finish your senior year there, and learn to gain control over the next few months. You still have several years before the fact that you don't age becomes apparent and you have to expose yourself or hide. You could complete your senior year in Mystic Falls and go to college with Adam next year, when you're in control."

She bites her lip and looks away, "I'll consider it. For now, let's see if I can even make it in a crowd."

I smile, put my arm around her and we walk to the club. We can smell them and hear their heartbeats long before we get there. I keep my arm around her as we walk up the stairs.

"Adam, Drew and Bianca are here, I hear them and smell them," Clare whispers so low only I can hear her.

"Just remember to control yourself," I instruct her. She nods, closes her eyes for a second and we start walking through the crowd.

"Hey guys, how was your Christmas?" Clare asks announcing our arrival.

Adam, Drew and Bianca look over at us. I recognize Adam from pictures, so I know the other two are Drew and Bianca. All three have focused their attention to me.

"Apparently, not as eventful as yours," Bianca smirks.

"Understatement," Clare whispers while hardly moving her lips and so quietly human ears would not hear it. "This is Damon, he's come to stay with me for a few days," she tells them loud enough for them to hear.

"So, are you dating now?" Drew questions.

"Not exactly," Clare replies sitting down.

"Can I get you two something to drink?" Drew offers.

"I don't suppose they have alcohol?" I question and Drew shakes his head.

"Coffee, cream and sugar," Clare replies and I nod.

"You two want refills?" Drew asks Adam and Bianca. They both nod, he takes their glasses and walks off to the bar.

"So, what did you do over Christmas?" Bianca questions.

"Went to a Christmas ball at the mayor's estate, that was fun. Christmas morning was nice, we spent it with friends of Damon and his brother. Everyone was very kind, they even got me gifts, though they barely knew me."

"Gifts like that necklace," Adam states as Drew returns with our coffee and Adam's drink.

"Nice necklace," Drew comments.

"Damon gave me this," she says fingering the necklace. Drew turns around, walking back to the bar to get the other two drinks. "How was it meeting Drew's family?" Clare asks Bianca attempting to avert the attention from us.

Drew returns with the drinks and sits down, Adam stays silent, but Drew and Bianca talk about Christmas. For a while Clare sits there listening, she's pensive, she's trying to block out the other sensations. She's having trouble, but is at least able to appear like she's listening to these two drone on and on about their holiday. Her concentration is broken when we both smell it, blood. Someone is bleeding, the scent triggers her fangs, I can see in her eyes the thirst.

"Someone at the bar cut themselves," she whispers.

"I know, control yourself Clare. Your fangs are out," I whisper back.

She sets down her coffee and covers her mouth, when Adam looks at her she begins coughing. It works and Adam simply pats her back, and when she's able to draw her fangs back in she smiles at him.

"You okay?" Adam asks.

"Yes, just went down the wrong pipe. Actually, I think we should go. We had a very long drive today and I'm very tired," she lies. She rested on the drive, she's not tired, she's hungry and afraid to hurt someone.

"Okay, are you coming to the New Year's Eve party at our place?" Drew asks.

"Yeah, I'll be there with Damon. I'll see you guys there," she says as we stand up. I take her hand and move her through crowd quickly, but not too quickly.

"Clare," Adam calls to her when we're almost at the door, "Clare wait."

"Adam, I'm okay really. I'm just tired, it was a long drive," Clare tells him. We have no coats, we don't need them, and Adam ran out without his coat. It's snowing, he's shivering it's not affecting us, but I put my arms around Clare to make it look as though we're cold. It also allows me to hold her, which I always enjoy, but also if she starts to lose control again I already have hold of her.

"You run off for Christmas with people you barely know. I hardly talk to you, and on the night you return barely stay for an hour. Damon comes back with you, is he staying with you? If you aren't dating then what is he doing here?"

"He's helping Adam, you just have to trust me. There's a lot that I can't tell you right now, I may never be able to tell you. You just have to trust me Adam, and you have to trust Damon. I'll see you at the New Year's party," Clare asserts. She gets out of my arms to hug Adam, he's shivering from the cold. I hear her inhale, she's close to his jugular and I'm afraid she might bite.

"We should go," I tell her tugging at Clare's arm.

"I'll see you at the party Adam," she says waving to him and we turn to walk away. "I wanted to bite him," she says after we hear Adam go back inside.

"I know, we need to feed," I reply taking her hand and we run at vampiric speed back to the hotel suite.

Klaus is here when we arrive and he looks over when we come in, "How was the party?"

"Hard, and now I'm hungry," Clare responds.

"I thought you might be, I got some blood," Klaus says. He gets up taking us to a small fridge he's got on the kitchen counter. He plugged it in and filled it with blood bags. "It's enough for a few days, you'll need to get more. Toronto is big and there are more surrounding areas, I recommend stealing from rotating blood banks. Unless of course you'd rather feed from humans," Klaus says.

"I won't do that, I won't feed on humans. How do I steal from blood banks? Even as fast as I can move they'd be able to see me or get suspicious."

"Compel them to give the blood," I tell her.

"Right. Okay, I need to eat, and I need to think. I have a lot to think about," she says leaning on the kitchen counter.

I hand her a blood bag and lean next to her, "Are you okay?"

"I don't even know how to answer that anymore. I'm never going to have a normal life again, am I?"

(CLARE)

"They're home, I hope this works. What if she doesn't invite us in?" I question. Knowing Mom and Glen would be home today we left the hotel. We didn't need to check out as we never checked in. We just pulled up to my house and I see Mom in the kitchen.

"Then I'll compel her to do so," Klaus shrugs.

I get out of the car with Damon and Klaus following me. I knock, and we hear Mom walking from the kitchen. She sees the three of us before she opens the door, I see the look on her face, worried about these strange men with me.

"Clare who are these men? What are they doing here?" Mom inquires when she opens the door.

"May we come in, I'll explain," I reply.

"Very well, please come in," Helen says stepping aside. I look at the doorway nervously, but step over the threshold, and release a sigh of relief. I walk to the living room, Damon and Klaus follow me. Mom closes the door and joins us.

"These are my friends Damon and Klaus, they'll be staying with us for a few days."

"They most certainly will not, I would never approve of such a thing. You men get out o…" Mom starts to rant and I grab her shoulders and look into her eyes.

"Damon and Klaus are staying as my guests, you will be kind and hospitable, and leave us alone," I compel her.

"Welcome to my home, may I get you anything?" Mom asks.

"No, we're going to a party at Adam's."

"Have fun," Mom replies.

"I wish I could have compelled her years ago," I remark as Mom walks back into the kitchen. "I honestly wasn't sure that would work. I haven't compelled anyone since Elena, Jeremy and Ric, and I wasn't entirely sure that they weren't just being nice."

"Well, here's your chance to practice again, your stepfather approaches," Klaus comments.

"Hello Clare, who are these two?" Glen questions coming down the stairs.

I take his arms and look into his eyes, "Klaus and Damon are my friends and our guests for a few days. Be nice and leave us alone."

"Welcome, I hope you enjoy your visit with Clare," Glen responds.

I smile and we bring in everything from the car, including the small fridge that Klaus got. We plug the fridge into the closet, Damon and I take a bag each while Klaus leaves to feed. He returns a short time later wiping his mouth of the excess blood. We get ready for the party and leave without my parents saying a word or hardly looking at us. As soon as we're out of the car I have to stop for a moment. The sounds, smells, noises, it's a lot to handle. Even worse I know the house is full of fresh blood, all of which belong to my friends, and yet I am so tempted to taste every one of them.

"We're both here Clare, you can get through tonight," Klaus assures me.

"Or you can return home with us," Damon reminds.

"You know that's one of the few things we both agree on," Klaus grins.

"Enough, let's go inside, I can do this. I have to do this."

We walk down the little hill to the sliding glass door, it's snowing outside and none of us are wearing coats. Of course, I don't believe that's the reason everything stops and everyone looks over at us.

"Well, looks like you had a nice Christmas," Alli grins and then looks closely at Klaus, "you look familiar."

"These are my friends Klaus and Damon, this is Jenna and Alli," I introduce them.

"Hey Clare, come on in," Adam grins, "you guys want something to drink?"

"I don't suppose there's alcohol?" Klaus asks.

"Yeah, Dallas and Owen got a bunch, the bar is that way," Adam says pointing.

"Bring me something," I request and Damon nods.

"Why is that Klaus guy here too?" Adam questions when Klaus and Damon walk away.

"He's staying with me for a few days as well, he's helping too."

"Helping with what?" Adam asks. I just bite my lip, knowing I'm not going to answer Adam sighs and changes his question, "What did your parents say about them staying with you?"

"Nothing," I shrug.

"You're kidding," Adam responds.

"Wait, they're staying with you?" Jenna asks.

"Just for a few days. I'm just going to go help them with my drink," I excuse myself.

I can hear Alli and Jenna speculating even over the music and other voices. When I get to the bar Owen and Dallas are asking Klaus and Damon questions. Some they answer and lie, other questions they simply ignore and ask a new question. For a while the three of us hang at the party, Klaus is bored out of his mind, and makes no secret of it. He spends most of his time drinking alcohol. Damon at least graciously answers the majority of the questions thrown at him, though his answers are mostly lies, out of necessity.

"So, are you dating one of them?" Alli questions when I get up to get a second drink.

"No, just…having fun," I reply after a second.

"With both of them?"

"Uh, I need some air," I reply moving quickly. I don't quite move at vampiric speed, but I do move a little faster than most humans can. I easily maneuver around people, and when they don't I use just enough strength to move them out of my way. I go out through the sliding glass door standing in the frigid air and the falling snow. I don't even feel the cold, I know it's there, I know that it's cold, but it doesn't affect me.

"You're hiding something Clarebear," Alli says following me outside. "Are you dating both of them? Have you slept with both of them?"

"Alli," I huff, "I don't want to talk about it right now."

"Clare! You have two extremely hot older guys following you around like puppy dogs. Did you finally learn to use your sex appeal to lure guys? Come on Clare you must tell all," she persists.

"Alli, I don't want to talk about it," I hiss. Without thinking I turn around quickly and push Alli away. She flies back hitting the bench that's out here. "Alli!" I run over and look at her, she's conscious, but hit her head, and there's blood. I feel my fangs coming out, I lick her blood from my fingers, that was a bad idea.

"Ughh, how'd you…"

I grab her arms and look into her eyes, "You slipped and hit your head."

"I slipped," she says groggily, "hit my head."

I let go of her momentarily and move at vampiric speed to the sliding glass door. "Alli fell, she hit her head," I call into the room.

A bunch of people come running out including Adam, Dallas, Owen, Drew, Bianca, Jenna, and of course Klaus and Damon. Adam and Dallas are the first to reach Alli and help her up.

"She's bleeding," Klaus whispers licking his lips.

"I know, I tasted it. As soon as she's taken care of we need to leave," I tell them.

"Are you okay?" Damon questions.

"No."

"She has a pretty nasty bump, I'm going to take her to the hospital," Dallas says.

"I'll come with you," Adam offers.

Adam goes in to get their coats while Dallas helps Alli to the car. We wait for people to go inside and for Adam and Dallas to leave, Klaus runs into the room to get our things, and out before anyone knows anything besides a breeze happened.

"You need to feed," Klaus comments as he begins driving back to my place.

"I did that, I hurt my friend. I didn't mean to, but she wouldn't stop asking questions. I told her I didn't want to talk about it and turned around pushing her away. Instead I tossed her across the yard, I could have killed her!"

"Clare, you didn't mean to hurt her. We practiced using your strength, not holding back. It was an accident; your friend will be okay. Did you compel her?"

"Yes, I told her she slipped, it worked. What if I had killed her?"

"Then we would have compelled everyone at the party and cleaned it up," Klaus replies with such nonchalance it's chilling.

"You didn't kill her, tomorrow we can work on holding back, hiding, appearing human," Damon says.

"But, we only have one day and then I return to school. Am I going to be able to do this?"

"The offer to return to Mystic Falls and stay with us stands," Damon replies.

"I know," I reply quietly.

"What makes you think she would stay with you and not me," Klaus hisses.

I just shake my head and close my eyes. I'm sure going back to Mystic Falls is the logical thing to do, but I'm just not ready to give up my senior year with my friends. My parents are still out at a New Year's party, so the first thing we do is go to my room to feed. Actually, Klaus leaves, he's hunting and will only eat fresh blood, fresh human blood. He promised to do so well out of my neighborhood to lessen the chances that he'll feed on someone I know. He also promised not to kill anyone, I honestly don't know how well he's kept those promises. Part of me doesn't want to know, I don't want to ask, I definitely don't want to follow him.

Damon stays with me, and after some blood we practice control over my strength. Not just control in using it, but how much. This was one thing we really didn't practice in Mystic Falls. I learned to use it, to lift things that are several times more than my own weight, to use it along with my agility. I just never learned how to…well, to not use it, to use only a portion and to appear human. To not let my strength come out when my emotions are high.

Damon and I spend some time working on this control before Klaus returns. We're still doing it at midnight, the clock strikes midnight and I don't even notice. We hear the fireworks in the distance, people cheering, but I don't care. This night is just one, one among many to come. I'll be celebrating New Year's for the next hundred years, two hundred, more possibly. It's one New Year's and I quite possibly have a millennia of them to come, so I don't miss the celebration this night. We stay up most of the night in fact, I already compelled my parents to stay out of our way, they simply come in and say goodnight. It's not until the next morning that I see a missed call from Adam. I don't realize just how early it is until I call him.