Elsa toyed with the crystal attached to the inside of her wrist, running her fingers back and forth over the smooth facets and sharp symmetrical cuts. Sunlight glinted through the tree branches and skated across clear turquoise, refracting light differently off the crystal each time it was tilted—and she was briefly mesmerized by the internal anisotropic nature of it, which was in direct opposition to its outward symmetry.
Contradictory.
She snorted. Much like herself, she thought dryly. Outwardly structured and composed, yet inwardly so strange and different that there was just no complete understanding to be had. Too many different facets to reconcile into a single coherent entity.
Naturally the closest thing she could identify with was an inanimate crystalline rock.
A rock.
Typical that was, as far as her life went—and yet not very helpful, thank you. Then again, ice spoke to her on the regular, so perhaps her personal identification with a rock was a step up.
Or down.
Anyway.
She sighed and shook her head, studying the crystal once more, trying to work out why it might be created in this conflicting manner. It was a rather beautiful shade of turquoise she noted, like water and ice when sunlight hit it just right—the same color as Anna's eyes. Likely it had something to do with the water element, if its color and the fact that it was hidden in a glacier were any indication. However, it was definitely made from minerals or some earthly substance, not ice—she'd already tried and failed to melt it. Though its structure did suggest a similar geometric nature to how her ice crystals formed. More patterns she could see but not quite fully understand or link together into coherent answers.
Frustrating.
There was a power inside of it too, she could nearly feel it pulsing with energy—similarly to how Ahtohallan felt.
A vibration.
A presence?
Life force?
Something.
Unexplainable, yet it was there.
Perhaps the confusing inner geometry of the crystals had something to do with their ability to hold this power or presence—perhaps it was how the crystalline ice constructs of Ahtohallan contained the life force of memories. Perhaps it was how her own body generated magic...?
But why had Ahtohallan presented her with this crystal at this juncture? Never before had it given her something tangible like this, yet it had clearly done so deliberately now.
Maybe it was related to the strange behavior of these creatures—a key to subduing them? Then again she'd had the crystal with her last night and when the squid attacked, yet it had done nothing by way of protecting her. Was the crystal causing the creatures to become aggressive? The squid had attacked directly after she'd received it, and it had coincidentally injured the same arm that she had the crystal attached to. But then she had seen the first rogue draugr days before she'd ever had the crystal—although, it hadn't attacked then. But whose to say it wouldn't have if they hadn't ridden away when they did? Ahtohallan wouldn't knowingly give her something that would put her in danger—
Would it?
Truthfully, she did not know. There was still a lot about Ahtohallan that was a mystery to her.
Yet Ahtohallan had given her so much, had provided her the answers she'd desired and sought after for so long that she had never once considered second guessing it—and she didn't particularly want to start now.
'If you scrunch your brow any further it's going to get stuck that way.' Maren announced, pulling her from her thoughts. Elsa blinked and turned to look up at her with a quirked brow. 'I can practically hear you thinking all the way across camp—what's going on up there?' She asked, her head cocked slightly with concerned eyes.
Elsa hadn't noticed Maren materialize front of her, yet she wasn't surprised. She was sitting up against an out of the way tree near the outskirts of camp—a place she came from time to time when she wanted to think or read or be alone—and Maren knew this and respected it. Though as much as she sometimes needed to be alone, it was never uncomfortable when Maren found her here and would quietly join her. Together alone. Another contradiction, yet somehow it worked. She didn't understand that either, but found she greatly enjoyed it.
'Confusion, about the enigmatic contradictions of nature and life.' Elsa answered honestly and sighed.
'Oh, is that all?' Maren questioned wistfully and chuckled. 'And here I thought you were thinking about something important like me.' She smirked.
'I'm always thinking about you.' Elsa said with a raised eyebrow and patted the ground next to her. Maren would never sit unless Elsa invited her to, though she couldn't think of a single time she had ever turned Maren away from joining her. The level of personal respect Maren afforded her, never ceased to amaze and enamor her.
Most people, quite simply, were just not like that.
'I'm glad you slept. You didn't get back until after sunrise.' Elsa noted when Maren had settled next to her. It had to be well into the afternoon by now.
'I didn't mean to wake you.' Maren made an apologetic face but Elsa waved her off then kissed her cheek.
'No more sightings I take it?'
'No, nothing at all. Which was—strange. I expected there would be more so I stayed in the scouting rotation until the sun came up.' Maren slipped her hand under Elsa's and pulled it into her lap, threading their fingers together. 'How's your arm?' She asked, changing the subject and glancing at Elsa's newly bandaged arm. 'I spoke to Yelena, who spoke to Kalle so I know you went early to get your stitches out.'
'I did.' She confirmed. 'It was fine, I barely felt it. I feel better than I have in days actually.'
Maren smiled and squeezed her hand. 'Wish you had woken me, I would've gone with you.'
Elsa shook her head. 'No, you needed to rest. Anna was up early too so she came with—apparently Kristoff was out all night with your group.'
Maren chuckled. 'He was, he has a keen sense for sniffing out trouble. Where are they now?' She asked and glanced around, as if she expected to see Anna come bounding out of the trees any second. Which normally would've been an accurate assumption except:
'Anna is a bit—indisposed.' Elsa chuckled. 'She had a rough morning.'
Maren quirked her brow, a wary smile crawling up her face. Should I ask?
Elsa smirked and shook her head. 'She didn't handle the removal of my stitches very well.' She said in answer to Maren's unspoken question. 'She started gagging as soon as Kalle snipped the first one and had to turn away. I told her to just wait outside, but she refused, so then after a few more dramatic rounds of gagging, Kalle finally had enough and ordered her out.' Maren's lips were curled and Elsa could tell she was trying desperately to conceal a laugh. 'After that we had breakfast and I filled her in about the draugrs, then she went to go check on Kristoff.' Elsa paused and nodded her head in the general direction of her sisters lavvu. 'That was over an hour ago.' She finished and rolled her eyes.
'I see.' Maren was still curling her lips in attempting to stifle laughter. 'Well I'm glad she seems to be feeling better.' She shrugged and a repressed chuckle escaped her.
'Mmhm.' Elsa muttered wryly, arcing an eyebrow in faux disapproval of her sister.
'I'm glad you're feeling better too.' Maren breathed in a low hum just below Elsa's ear, causing her to shiver and her eyes to flutter closed. 'Kristoff and Anna have the right idea.' She brushed Elsa's hair away from her neck and kissed her lightly there, sliding her other hand around Elsa's waist to hold her hip. Elsa sighed and rested her arm on Maren's, welcoming the tingling feeling of warmth that spread across her from the close proximity of Maren's body.
'Hope I'm not interrupting.' Yelena's curt voice cut through the air, causing Elsa and Maren to jerk apart so fast that Elsa winced and grabbed her arm in pain. Maren sucked in a sharp breath and rotated her shoulder while rubbing it, shooting Yelena a reproachful glare and an exasperated sigh.
'We're starting within the hour. Don't be late.' Yelena said sharply, looking pointedly at Maren, then giving Elsa a quick glance. 'You might want to include the queen—wherever she is.' Yelena said tersely, then sauntered off as soundlessly as she had appeared. Half the time Elsa couldn't tell if Yelena was annoyed, or if it was just her natural acerbic disposition. This time though, she seemed distinctly annoyed—as a mother might be, presiding over a hoard of unruly children.
Maren rolled her eyes and waved a dismissive hand after Yelena. 'I swear she does that on purpose sometimes.'
Elsa smiled but quirked her brow. 'What's within the hour?'
'Yelena has called a Norraz—it's a meeting of all the household leaders. She wants to discuss the draugr situation, fill people in and see if we can come up with any solutions or answers. She wants you and Anna there too, that's why I came to get you.'
'Oh good. I wanted to talk to her about all this anyway, and you.'
'Me?' Maren glanced down at Elsa's wrist, then took her hand and opened it palm up, revealing the crystal. 'About this? I've seen you fidgeting with it since you got back from Ahtohallan.'
'Yes, partly about this.' Elsa said and ran her thumb over the crystal. She took a breath, not entirely sure where to begin.
'I'm listening.' Maren said, and turned so she was facing her more directly. Elsa leaned back against the tree and looked into Maren's soft brown eyes.
'Remember the night we first met, and you told me about the existence of a fifth spirit?'
Maren smiled and nodded. 'I'll never forget that night.'
Elsa returned the smile and looked down, still absently stroking the crystal with her thumb. 'How did you know?' She returned to Maren's eyes. 'That there was such a thing as a fifth spirit?'
Maren appraised her with confused eyes for a moment then shrugged. 'It was taught to me. It was always just something that was known amongst our people.'
Elsa squinted at her, biting her lip in thought. 'What was known? I mean, what did everyone think the fifth spirit was before you knew it was me?'
'Well, the story taught to me was that the four elemental spirits—you know, earth, fire, water and air, exist in harmony with people and the earth—together, they make all life possible. The elemental spirits can take on any form they choose. For example, Nokk takes the form of a horse, Bruni chose to take the form of a salamander.' Elsa was nodding, so easily engrossed whenever Maren spoke to her about these things.
'The fifth spirit, it was said, is the bridge between the magic of nature—the nature spirits and all creatures who possess magic—and us, human beings.' Elsa knew this much already, so she stayed silent waiting for more. 'People always assumed that meant that the fifth spirit would choose to take on the form of a human—meaning, she would be born as a human, of humans.' Maren was looking pointedly at her as she spoke now. 'The first night I met you, after I saw your powers, I suspected it was you—that you were the fifth spirit. That's why I chose to tell you about the fifth spirit then, I thought it might help you realize the truth.' Maren's demeanor then quickly shifted from sincere to playful. 'Though, I had only just met you, and didn't know the first thing about you—so I wasn't about to tell you I thought you were this mystical being and scare you off.' Maren chuckled.
'I suppose I did have to come to that conclusion on my own.' Elsa smiled and nodded. 'But, where do these stories come from in the first place—how do they tell about me before I ever set foot in this forest?'
'The stories date way back to ancient times. They've been passed down for more generations than I can count. They were told as a warning, sort of a reminder to always respect and live harmoniously with nature—so that nature in turn will respect and live harmoniously with us. That's what the fifth spirit does—she restores and keeps the balance between people and nature when it gets thrown off. They say the last time she was born was during a time of a great ice age when nature and people had become so imbalanced that the world almost came to an end.'
Elsa's eyes wen't wide, remembering the desolate, icy, lifeless world Ahtohallan had shown her—it certainly looked like the end of the world. 'What does that mean—the last time the fifth spirit was born? I was never here before?'
Maren smiled knowingly and arced an eyebrow. 'Elsa, we've all been here before.'
'What?' Elsa asked as her thoughts returned to the woman from Ahtohallan, the woman who looked so strikingly familiar, who had also possessed powers of ice and snow.
'The stories say that the fifth spirit will come to those who call to her in a time of great need, if their desire is pure of heart—selfless, and she will help restore the balance of nature. This time, I believe your mother called you here when the chaos broke out over the dam—the balance between people and nature was thrown off that day, and your mother knew it. The dam was killing the forest—it has been slowly doing more and more damage all these years and would've kept getting worse if you and Anna hadn't brought it down. Eventually, I believe it would have killed our way of life—that's why our people continued to sing and call to you all these years until finally, you came back to us.'
Elsa smiled absently at Maren's words, but her thoughts were still hooked on what Maren had said previously.
'This time?' She turned the words Maren spoke over as she repeated them, trying to understand. 'What do you mean, we've all been here before?' Elsa was shaking her head still trying to reconcile the woman she saw on that mountain peak with herself—who she was now. There were definite similarities, sure, but that was clearly a different person—Elsa had seen that in her face.
Maren took a breath, looked up—thinking—then returned to Elsa's eyes as she let out the breath. 'Your religion doesn't teach about reincarnation does it?' She asked, sounding completely unsurprised.
Elsa shook her head. 'I've read lightly about it from other cultures, but I just, don't really—understand?'
Maren took Elsa's hand and rubbed her thumb over the back of it as she spoke. 'Basically, what we believe, is that everything has a life force. From people to plants and animals to the nature spirits, even mother earth herself—and we don't just come to live here on this earth once.' She paused, gauging Elsa's reaction then continued when Elsa gave her a nod. 'So when we die, when anything dies, its life force—its spirit can come back again and again to have another chance at life in whatever form it chooses, as many times as it desires. It's all part of a greater learning, no one gets something perfect with just one try.' Maren chuckled.
Elsa felt her mouth hanging slightly agape and closed it at once, blinking and shaking her head in awe. What Maren was saying was striking a chord with her, it made way more sense than it should have. It would explain the eerie connection she felt to the woman she saw, so like her it was unnerving. 'I—how do you know if this is true?'
Maren shrugged. 'Many of us can visit previous lifetimes while meditating or during vision quests. Some can communicate with their deceased ancestors in the spirit world—others have animal spirit guides they look to for guidance. It's not as eccentric as is sounds.' She added with a smile, reading the awed expression Elsa knew must be written across her dumbfounded face. Of course it made sense. Did not she hear her dead mother's voice calling to her from Ahtohallan? Did she not ride a spirit horse that helped to guide her? Perhaps the woman Ahtohallan had shown her had been her own past lifetime. It all started to make sense.
'No, it doesn't sound eccentric, it feels—correct somehow. More accurate than anything I was ever taught.' She paused, thinking. 'Maren, with these, previous lifetimes—do you suppose things that happen to us in those lifetimes will repeat themselves in this life?'
'Yes, I think they can.' Maren answered sounding thoughtful as she considered the question. 'I've heard of instances where certain themes might be repeated or continued if something was left unfinished—some call it destiny or fate.'
Elsa looked down, nodding. 'Do you think—is it possible to—change destiny?'
Maren shrugged. 'Maybe. I believe we have free will to make our own choices. But alas, only Ahtohallan knows of our destiny.'
'Ahtohallan.' Elsa whispered, nodding in agreement. 'Ahtohallan does know.' She confirmed, as if speaking it would solidify the truth she wasn't quite ready to accept. Ahtohallan had shown her exactly what had happened to the previous fifth spirit—very likely, her past self. Was it a warning to show her what might become of her in this life? Or was it showing her what will become of her, what must happen. Reminding her of her own inevitable fate.
'The fifth spirit's destiny is to protect the balance of nature—to protect people—to protect the world. No matter what.' Elsa's voice trailed off to a whisper as her thoughts returned to the haunting vision of the woman's body collapsing lifelessly and dissipating into snow.
'Hey.' Maren said softly and bent down to meet Elsa's downcast eyes. 'That's not the only reason you're here. You're here to live and enjoy and experience everything being human means. To love and be loved and all the good and bad that comes along with it. And remember, whatever is going on, I'll help you figure it out. Just because you're the one with magic doesn't mean you have to protect everything on your own.' Maren raised her eyebrows and smiled with kind eyes.
Elsa let out a breath and looked directly into Maren's eyes.
'Doesn't it though?' She spoke openly, honestly—tired of dancing around this subject. Maren quirked a confused brow at her. 'That is my job Maren, to protect. That has always been my job—my destiny, in every lifetime apparently—whether I preside over a kingdom or nature itself. Ahtohallan knows it—that's why she called me here in the first place.' She shook her head and looked down, unable to meet Maren's eyes. 'I cannot protect people if I accept help that would put them directly in danger.'
Hurt was apparent in Maren's eyes and—was it a hint of betrayal? 'What? Elsa, no—who will protect you?' Maren asked, hurt and confusion threaded together in her voice. Elsa was already shaking her head. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt her, but she needed Maren to understand the gravity of this. 'Elsa, if you keep trying to do everything on your own, you will end up dead—you're still just a human. Humans can get hurt, they can die. Please let me help you—I can't lose you.'
Elsa sighed and shook her head with closed eyes, unable to look at the pain in Maren's eyes that was apparent in her voice. Yes, she probably was very likely going to die fulfilling whatever destiny the universe had in store for her this time, but no one else needed to be dragged down with her. 'You sound just like Anna. Neither of you understands this.'
'Understand what? That we would both rather die trying to protect your stubborn self than live with losing you? I think Anna and I understand that all too well—it's you who can't seem to grasp it.' Maren's heated voice cut through the air and hung there for a moment, briefly rendering Elsa speechless. She had never seen Maren get like this, let alone direct it at her—and it ignited a frustration within her that she didn't know was there.
'I don't want anyone else to die for me!' She snapped, surprising herself with the outburst. A light snow had started swirling around her suddenly and she stood up quickly, instinctively curling her arms around herself and needing to get away at once. Maren stared at her, apparently dumbfounded at her sudden flare and also at a rare loss for words.
'We have to stop pretending that I'm a normal person.' Elsa said quietly, almost coldly. 'I'm not. I never will be.' She turned then and strode away at a clip, shaking her head and hugging herself tightly with anger and frustration as she went.
'Elsa wait—' Maren's pleading call from behind her cut through her like a blade, but she scrunched her eyes closed and kept walking, squeezing herself tighter until it physically hurt, welcoming the distraction of pain from her freshly removed stitches.
They just did not understand this. People who tried to help her, or got too close always ended up hurt or dead. How many more times did this need to be proven before they listened to her? Who else would have to die to make this point clear? Maren? Anna? Talk about wanting to die. If one more person she loved was killed because of her, that was it. She would be done with herself and with life itself. There would be no coming back from that for her. Anna had been able to pull herself out of that cave after she thought Elsa had died—but then Anna had always been stronger than she. The fearless, loving stalwart girl who was going to lead Arendelle into the future.
That was Anna.
She was Elsa.
And what had Queen Elsa done when she thought she'd killed Anna? Collapsed, that's what. She'd given in, succumbed to the pain and fear and overwhelming grief once and for all and accepted death like the weakling she knew she truly was. She wasn't stupid, or deaf—she had heard Hans' sword unsheathe behind her, had known exactly what was coming for her—and she had done nothing. In fact she welcomed it, finally righteously someone would put an end to the monster that had killed the only person who truly loved her. There existed, a very dark place within her that if faced with again, she would not recover from.
And where was she headed now? Her past self had died a violent death, and what could anyone have done about it? Absolutely nothing, except perhaps get themselves killed in the futile process of trying to save her—and where had she seen that play out before? That's just the way it was, that was her life—her fifth spirit hell storm of a life, her destiny—and there was no point to pretend it was other.
Protect.
Restore.
Keep balance.
No matter what. For everyone else except herself. That was what she was born to do, and other people were not figured into that equation. She accepted it, and Maren and eventually Anna, would have to accept it too. Alone. If one thing was ever abundantly, repeatedly, consistently clear about the circumstances of her life, it was that. Everyone was better off when she was left alone.
Several more aggressive strides finally landed her in front of Anna and Kristoff's lavvu. She stopped in front of the door, ran a hand over her head, took a deep breath and forced the irritating snowflakes that were swirling around her to dissipate. Anna would notice and she was not in the mood to dodge her probing questions right now. She heard no noises coming from inside—blessedly—so she knocked.
No answer.
'Anna.' She knocked again.
Nothing.
She knocked again harder. 'Anna Yelena is holding a meeting and wants us there.'
Shuffling inside, then a grunt and an ouch in Kristoff's voice. Finally the door cracked open a sliver and a teal blue eye peeked out at her, squinting at the bright sunlight.
'Right now?' Anna hissed in an exasperated tone.
'You have maybe fifteen minutes.'
'Ugh. Ok ok, we'll meet you there.' Anna said then closed the door in Elsa's face.
Elsa sighed and turned away, absolutely not in any mood to put on a regal fifth spirit appearance and answer pointed questions she had no answers to. But she had done this before, many times in Arendelle, and so she would do it again now. She straightened up, threw her shoulders back, exhaled, clasped her hands together and dredged up the infallible persona that was almost too comfortable to slip back into.
Queen Elsa.
Her mask. Her shield. A facet of her personalty so ingrained into her being that it would probably take nothing less than death to sever from it completely. The perfectly formed outer shell of her stupidly complex fragile inner self. She glanced down at the crystal on her wrist as she walked and had to suppress the raging desire to rip it off and fling it into the trees, along with all its glaring, confusing, idiotic contradictions.
Who was she today? Was she fifth spirit Elsa, set course towards a lonely tragic destiny? Or Queen Elsa, so rigidly suppressed that she had murdered any semblance of the girl who may have once been known as Elsa. Right now for her, existing in equal states of frustrated anger and consternation, she seemed to be both, yet desperately wished she was neither.
Could she ever just be goddamn Elsa?
Free to touch and love and live like a normal human being?
Probably not.
She wasn't normal. She never would be.
Who even was this girl, Elsa?
Did she ever exist?
She must have existed once, because Queen Elsa had murdered someone to become what she was. Then fifth spirit Elsa had overtaken Queen Elsa—though that seemed far less tragic than Queen Elsa murdering Elsa the girl.
There were other signs of her though, ghostly specters of this Elsa girl, rising from the dead, emerging sometimes in the presence of Anna and Maren, but not strong enough to overtake fifth spirit Elsa.
Fifth spirit Elsa was too important. She had a dangerous destiny she was born to fulfill—one that Anna and Maren weren't to be a part of.
Without Anna and Maren, fifth spirit Elsa would probably be who she finally became permanently, while Elsa the girl slipped slowly, quietly into non-existence.
That was sad.
It was necessary.
It was confusing.
Too many facets.
Personas.
Contradictions.
Uncertainties.
Sadness.
Anger.
Fear.
No.
No fear.
Conceal it, don't feel it.
No.
Yes.
No.
Yes, for right now.
Tamp it down.
Don't let it show.
Don't let them know.
Just for now.
By the time she reached the clearing she felt like her head was about to implode. It was also abundantly clear that she was late—which thrust her into anxiety anew. She was never late—lateness suggested a complete lack of respect for the other parties involved, and it was not something she wished to project, especially now, to these people. Yelena, Maren and all the other household leaders were already gathered, sitting cross legged, each on their own mat arranged in a large circle. Three mats remained empty, one next to Maren and two next to that one—presumably for her, Anna and Kristoff.
'Sorry I'm late.' She said quietly when it was apparent that everyone in the circle was staring at her. She wasted no time striding to her place beside Maren, moving as fast as she dared without looking ridiculously hurried. Maren's soft, apologetic eyes locked onto her for a moment, but she couldn't think about that right now. No feelings.
'Is Queen Anna coming?' Yelena asked as Elsa took her seat. Yelena's usual hint of irritation was present in her voice, but perhaps not as obvious due to the formality of the circumstances.
'She'll be along shortly.' Elsa answered in a calm measured tone.
A few calming breaths then: shortly suddenly became now as Anna and Kristoff came running towards the circle in the same direction from which Elsa had arrived.
'Crap!' Anna muttered as her boot caught on a stick and she lurched forward, nearly tripping, catching herself just in time to come to a fumbling, abrupt halt in front of the circle of people. All attention rapidly shifted from Elsa to Anna and Elsa closed her eyes, biting her lip in exasperation. Anna.
No, no emotion.
'Sorry… sorry.' Anna mutter-giggled as she nervously skirted her way around the circle towards Elsa. 'Sorry Yelena.' She said again when she was near, then took her seat on the pad beside Elsa. Yelena let out a long sigh and Anna's eyes flicked to Elsa nervously. She gave Anna a quick tight lipped smile, then turned her attention to Yelena.
'Thank you both for finally joining us.' Yelena said curtly. Elsa winced inwardly at the subtle dig but smiled and nodded. 'This matter affects us all, so it is imperative that we are all present and all contribute today.' Yelena continued.
'Many of you are aware of the situation, some are not. It has been brought to my attention that rogue draugrs have been making appearances near our camp, and one has recently acted in an aggressive manner. This is out of character for them—as we know draugrs to be typically reclusive and benevolent creatures of magic. So, for the benefit of all present, Honeymaren will recant the details of the two known encounters with the creatures.'
Elsa listened as Maren rehashed what they had experienced during both draugr encounters, including the perimeter of scouts that were constantly patrolling.
'The problem is,' Maren stated in closing. 'We don't know what has suddenly caused the draugrs to emerge, let alone act aggressively. And that is what we need to understand before any further measures are taken against them.'
'What of the kraken?' An older man spoke out whom Elsa didn't recognize. He was perhaps near an age to be her grandfather, though he still looked very strong and fit. 'We saw what it did to the fifth spirit and the queen. This is another instance of a creature attacking that we should discuss.'
'You may call her Elsa, Gunnar, please she has a name.' Yelena cut in sharply.
'Apologies. Elsa, Queen Anna.' Gunnar turned to face them as he spoke. 'I am Gunnar Somby, head of the fishing household—we want to understand why the kraken attacked you as well. Since that incident the fishermen have been cautious about going out to sea. They are afraid of meeting the same fate.'
Elsa paused for just a moment, making sure he was done speaking and that it was appropriate for her to answer. When no one else spoke up she answered him: 'Yes, the kraken,' She decided to use his word for the colossal squid to mitigate any confusion. 'It attacked me and my sister on our return trip from Ahtohallan. Unfortunately I have no more understanding why it attacked us than I do about the strange behavior of the draugrs. These creatures are new and unfamiliar to me, I was hoping to gain better understanding of them to learn how to deal with the situation.'
'The kraken, much like the draugr is very unknown to us as well—as neither have ever attacked us before. According to the stories of old, these particular creatures are benevolent protectors of nature and attack only when they feel threatened—was there perhaps, something threatening in the way you approached them?' Gunnar's question was carefully accusatory, yet it was a legitimate question to ask.
'No, there wasn't.' Maren snapped quickly before Elsa could answer, her tone sharp but measured.
'Forgive me Maren, but your relationship with the fifth—with Elsa, I fear is clouding your judgement. I would prefer if she answers for herself.' A wave of embarrassment hit Elsa—did that many people really know about them already? She stole a sideways glance at Maren with her eyes. Maren's eyebrow was raised in righteous indignation as if she couldn't believe Gunnar had just said that to her—a look Elsa had come to learn Maren used when she thought something or someone was utterly stupid. Usually this look was aimed at Ryder but right now, it looked as though she might pounce on Gunnar. Elsa had the sudden urge to reach out and grab Maren's hand to hold her there, but she didn't. Instead, Yelena cut in.
'What are you trying to say Gunnar, speak freely. Spit it out.' Yelena said curtly before Maren could respond—Elsa was grateful for Yelena's interjection.
'Respectfully, I am suggesting that we were much safer when we were behind the mist—before the fifth—before she arrived we were never attacked by spirits or magical creatures.' A few nods of agreement, hushed whispers susurrated around the circle, and Elsa suddenly felt extremely mortified and ashamed.
That was true—and these people knew it and did not want her here.
At least, they did not want her living amongst them where her mere existence would put them and their families in danger. This made painful sense.
'That's insane!' Maren jumped in, and slid to her knees to gain more height. 'We were prisoners behind that mist!'
'We had no choice but to take the actions we took.' It was Anna who spoke now, calm and measured unlike Elsa had ever heard her speak before—very authoritative, and it surprised her. 'The dam—and mist—had to fall. It was killing the forest, the spirits were ravaging everything and it was the right thing to do. Our grandfather had no right to impose it upon your people.'
'Don't pretend like you brought down the dam for our sake, Queen Anna. We all know it was done in a last ditch effort to save your own kingdom from the wrath of the elemental spirits—which I might add, were reawakened with a vengeance by none other than the fifth spirit herself.'
'Bringing down the dam sent a massive flood that nearly decimated my kingdom!' Anna shot back in disbelief. 'I did it to save everyone! And Elsa brought the spirits back into balance, if you were paying attention at all.'
'That is enough of this!' Yelena cut in harshly, commanding silence from everyone. 'We are all adults here and need to act like it. Gunnar, the mother of these girls was Northuldran, they are one of us. I don't care if one is the fifth spirit or the Queen of Arendelle or the bloody creator incarnate, you need to show them more respect than this. We are Northuldra, the people of the sun. We protect our own, and work together to find solutions to problems that affect us all—that is our way—or have you forgotten this?'
Gunnar nodded his head, but said nothing further.
'Perhaps, are you able to put the mist back in place? At least, until we figure out why the creatures are attacking—so that we will be safe?' A woman chimed in, aiming the question at Elsa.
Elsa took a breath and looked at her. 'No, I can't do that, I'm sorry. I don't know what formed the mist—it wasn't my magic that created it or brought it down.'
'Then what did control the mist?' Another man asked.
'I don't know.' Elsa answered honestly, painfully aware that she had not been able to give these people one concrete answer to any of the questions asked.
'What of Ahtohallan?' Another woman asked and others nodded in approval at the question. 'What does Ahtohallan say we should do?'
Elsa sighed. It showed me the most likely way I will probably die. She thought sardonically but responded unemotionally. 'Ahtohallan didn't give us any insight on the creatures specifically.'
Grumbles and displeased sighs once again susurrated through the group.
'It did provide me with this crystal.' Elsa offered, and held up her wrist, wanting to give them something useful, and desperately needing to probe for possible answers. 'I don't know why Ahothallan gave this to me when it did, but I'm hopeful that it holds some key to the solution we seek about the creatures.' She finished and more whispers and excited noises circulated.
'Do you plan to go back to Ahtohallan for more answers?' The same woman asked.
The air was thick with silence, everyone waiting on her answer. 'Yes, I do.'
'What?' Maren and Anna both hissed simultaneously from either side of her. She closed her eyes and let out a breath, ignoring them.
'Eventually, yes. If there is no other solution to be found, I will go back to find the answers we need.'
'I would advise against that.' Kalle put in from the left hand side of Yelena.
'I agree.' Yelena added. 'It is too great a risk to go back there right now.'
'Then what are we to do in the meantime?' A woman to the left of Kalle asked. 'Are we to just sit here and wait?'
'I suggest we start brainstorming solutions.' Yelena answered. 'We already have a perimeter of scouts set up, we have a strong faction of warriors should anything attack. We also have Elsa's magic to protect us.'
'Yes, but what if it is her magic that the creatures are attracted to? The elemental spirits are drawn to her—they sense her. What if she is the reason the creatures are coming now?' Gunnar was at it again, making her distinctly uncomfortable with his painfully accurate accusations.
'Then I will leave.' She said sharply in a strong commanding voice and stared straight at Gunnar. 'I will leave.' She reiterated again making sure all had heard her. She could feel Maren's eyes boring into the side of her face, but she dared not look at her now.
'No, absolutely not—' Maren started in a heated tone but Yelena cut her off.
'No one is suggesting you leave.' Yelena said with a softer tone of voice than Elsa had heard her use all day. Of course, that was exactly what Gunnar was suggesting—and who knows how many others agreed but were refraining from saying so.
'Yes but, suppose, just suppose it is her magic these creatures are drawn to—she would be putting us all at risk by staying here Yelena.'
'And what would you have her do out there on her own Gunnar, get killed in her sleep by one of those things? Have you completely lost all sense of the ways of our siida? We are stronger together.' Yelena shot back at him sounding as if she were dangerously close to losing her temper.
'But what if the creatures attacking are completely unrelated to Elsa's magic—then we are left here as sitting ducks if she leaves.' A man to the right of Gunnar added with an apologetic face.
It was in that moment, that Elsa realized what these people wanted from her—they wanted her protection from afar. To stay close enough to protect them but far enough away not to be a threat. Welcome, but unwelcome. An omnipresent ethereal being, as queens and magical spirits were—of this world but not of this world—keeping watch from the invisible place on high, yet not truly existing in their reality. There, but not there.
Non-existent.
Invisible.
Alone.
'I think leaving might be a good idea.' Kristoff cut in and it surprised her, dragging her from her thoughts. His voice was calm as usual but there was a slight layer of acerbic venom laced in his words that Elsa rarely heard from him. 'I have friends who know a lot about nature—crystals in particular. If no one here has anything else useful to contribute, I believe we should leave and seek help from them.' He offered lightly, yet there was still a snide air of acid in his words.
'Yes.' Anna added, her tone still far more mature than Elsa was used to hearing—very un-Anna like. 'We will visit Kristoff's friends, and then, until this is solved, Elsa will stay with us in Arendelle—where she will be welcomed and protected.' Anna finished with a raised eyebrow as she stared daggers at Gunnar. 'Does that sound like a solution that would please everyone?' Anna was still staring pointedly at Gunnar while she spoke but her unusually authoritative—almost cold tone of voice caused others around the circle to nod in agreement. Elsa was staring at Anna, trying to reconcile the sister she knew with this new person who was speaking right now.
'If you feel that is what's best, I will not try to stop you. But please Elsa, know that you are always welcome here. As are you Anna.' Yelena said and looked directly at them, her eyes soft and kind. Elsa nodded and smiled, but only half heard Yelena, her thoughts already formulating her new plan.
'We will convene again, when any new information is confirmed.' Yelena announced, effectively ending the Norraz. With that, a low din of chatter and whispers started to rise, while others stood up to leave.
Maren shot to a stand, her eyes locked on Gunnar and she started to stride towards him. Yelena, already standing, moved into Maren's path causing her to stop abruptly.
'Don't.' Yelena commanded in a low tone only audible for Maren and anyone in her immediate vicinity to hear. 'Not right now.'
'Come on.' It was Anna who spoke, grabbing her hand and shaking it. 'Let's go.'
She didn't question her sister, but got up wordlessly and allowed Anna to pull her off and away from the group.
'Screw him.' Anna hissed once they were far enough away so no one could hear, spinning to face Elsa. 'He's a coward. Willing to throw you to the wolves at the first sign of danger. So fine, we'll leave then—go and find our own answers. We've always had to do that anyway, why stop now?' Anna was pacing now as she spoke, her hands gesturing all over the place, animating her thoughts. 'Useless…' Anna muttered as she continued to pace. Elsa stayed silent, her hands clasped, watching her sister vent her frustrations.
Anna finally stopped and looked at her. 'Elsa—' She said, quirking her brow then walking over to face her. 'Elsa don't.' She said shaking her head. 'You can't take anything that man said seriously!'
Elsa simply nodded. All of Gunnar's points had been extremely valid concerns, but she was not in a mood to argue this with Anna right now. Anna eyed her suspiciously before continuing. 'It doesn't matter. We'll go visit the trolls and then you'll just come back to Arendelle until we figure this out.'
'There you two are.' Maren called out, letting out a relieved breath. 'If you're leaving I'm coming with.' She announced as she approached them. 'Gunnar is a biru jalla 1. He's always been like that, don't listen to him.'
'A what?' Anna asked, quirking her brow at the Northuldran word Maren had slipped into using. Though by the tone of voice she used, Elsa was fairly certain she knew exactly what the word meant.
'It's—never mind.' Maren sighed and waved a dismissive hand.
Anna's eyes returned to hers, still squinting suspiciously. 'Are you sure you're ok?' She asked and grabbed Elsa's hands.
'I'm fine.' Elsa confirmed, though Anna still looked at her as if she didn't believe her. Anna glanced at Maren then back to Elsa.
'I'm going to go find Kristoff, we should probably leave tomorrow morning.' She said and squeezed Elsa's hands. Elsa nodded in response. 'I'll see you two later.' Anna said, glancing again at Maren before releasing Elsa's hands and walking away.
Maren waited until Anna was out of sight, then turned to look at her, searching her eyes as she always did. 'Elsa, I'm so sorry about before. About what I said.'
Elsa was already shaking her head. 'Maren don't. You don't have to—'
'No Elsa, I do. I just—' She let out a breath and looked up for a moment before returning to Elsa's eyes. 'I just care about you so much—the thought of anything happening to you—it scares me. And I get protective, I guess—I didn't mean to—'
Elsa moved forward and kissed her then, effectively shutting up the apology that Maren didn't need to say—that Elsa knew she didn't deserve. It scared her even more, the thought of something happening to Maren. Of course she didn't blame her for feeling the same way—and she tried to communicate that with the kiss. How like her, Maren was and yet different in all the right ways. They truly were a perfect match, and she loved her so much. The only problem was: while Maren's presence always made her feel safer, Elsa's innate existence constantly put Maren's life at risk.
And that, she simply could not allow.
A/N:
Elsa's song for the chapter: Freak by Molly Sandén
biru jalla = fucking idiot (Sami language)
Ok so, sorry for the longer than usual update period—this is a long chapter with a lot to take in, and I hope it all makes sense. It's also quite a mental trip for Elsa and was actually incredibly hard to write, but it was necessary. She's got some old (and new) internal demons coming to the surface that have to be dealt with, and surprise surprise she's all up in her head with it.
I still maintain that just because she found out more about herself, her origins and purpose, doesn't just make all the childhood trauma and previous fears and anxieties automatically disappear. She's definitely had major growth, but she didn't just evolve like a Pokemon and become a different person overnight after Frozen 2. She's still has that old baggage, and no matter how much unconditional love and support she receives from those around her, she still has to learn to truly love and accept all aspects of herself—aspects that all together, make her who she is.
