Angela's mother was helping her father with some concern at the church which left her to take care of the twins after school for the rest of the week. They were still energetic and could talk a million miles a minute. She had to work on making sure they did their homework and didn't burn the house down. Their parents would get home before dinner and she would help her mother get the boys ready for bed.

The twins growing collection of dinosaur toys were sprawled all over their room no matter how much they tried to get them to clean up. It left her repeatedly to step on one of those spiky, plastic things. For a brief moment she fantasized collecting all their dinosaur toys and throwing them into the ocean before throwing that thought away. Their crying faces would haunt her and she wouldn't be able to live with herself. And she was a bad liar and would never get away with it.

Her mother tucked the boys into bed and Angela made her way back to her bedroom. Mr. Mozart was giving himself a tongue bath and ignored her as she got ready for bed. Her nighttime routine consisted of washing her face and applying a lavender moisturizer Lauren gifted her for her birthday. She finished changing into her pajamas and shivered at how cold her room was.

Autumn was definitely making itself known. She looked out her window and saw the leaves were browning and falling down from the hemlock trees at the back of their house. She wrapped her arms around herself and imagined the blanket of snow she would be finding outside soon enough. A gust of wind blew in to the room and she finally noticed the small gap underneath her window letting the cold in.

She quickly closed the window. She swore she kept it closed even through the summer. Locking the window, she guessed that she opened it and just forgot. Pulling the curtains closed, she went to bed and didn't think more of it.


As if knowing they were planning on leaving town, it rained more in Forks come Saturday morning. Angela had to run to Lauren's car but even an umbrella wasn't enough to keep her dry. Lauren turned up the heat which Angela was grateful for. Jessica insisted on playing her show tunes CDs and they spent the ride to Port Angeles listening to the soundtracks of Sweeney Todd, West Side Story, and Into the Woods. Any mention of Andrew Lloyd Weber usually caused Jessica to go on an hour long rant on why Cats should be killed by fire.

The rain wasn't as strong in Port Angeles and they ran out of the car, umbrellas in hand, into the dress shop they'd been frequenting since Sophomore Year. The place was recommended by Mike's older sister and sold affordable but well-made dresses. Their only choice in Forks had been a Thrift Store with gowns so old they had smells and odd stains. Angela wasn't too stressed about finding a gown for herself since her budget was money she earned from babysitting and she still wasn't sure if she wanted to go to Homecoming.

Angela helped her friends look through gowns and gave her opinion on which ones looked good on them. Jessica had tried on every color of the rainbow before trying on a fuchsia gown that showed off her cleavage. Angela and Lauren sometimes forgot how naturally blessed Jessica was and found themselves unable to look away. Jessica smiled excitedly and asked how she looked.

Angela replied, "Depends on how you're trying to look."

"I want to look hot," Jessica snapped, adjusting her cleavage. "I want Mike Newton to notice me."

"He'll have a hard time not noticing you," Lauren remarked. "Or looking away from your boobs…"

Jessica nodded. "That is exactly what I'm going for."

Choosing Lauren's gown was easier. She was tall and thin and looked good in everything. She finally settled on a lavender gown, the color beautiful with her lighter coloring. Lauren inspected herself in the mirror, pulling on the material around her torso.

"I don't look fat in this, do I?"

"You look like Barbie," Jessica told her. "You just need your own Ken to complete your look. Speaking of do you have a date for Homecoming?"

"I'm going with Tyler," She pulled up her hair to see if she would look better with her hair up or down. "As friends anyway. I wanted to enjoy my night and worry about some guy being hands-y."

Jessica sighed. "Mike still hasn't made a move. I don't know how many signals I need to throw at him."

"And I've told you that Mike is as observant as a dead cat," Lauren returned. "Take it from a girl who dated him for a few months, you will need to be direct."

Angela had to agree. Mike wasn't one for subtlety. He understood things better when it was explained clearly and directly to him. She knew because she tutored him in Sophomore Year and had to learn this about him the hard way.

"But it's not romantic to just walk up to him and demand he take me to Homecoming," Jessica countered. "I want it to be romantic."

"This isn't even Prom," Lauren found a pair of gloves and had Jessica try them on. "We can work on Prom being the most romantic night of your teenage life. Homecoming can be just us having fun together."

"That's true," Jessica smiled at her reflecting adjusting the gloves that went up to her elbows. "I look amazing."

"You really do," Angela agreed, smiling at how pretty she looked in the mirror. "Mike won't know what hit him."

"Don't think we haven't noticed you haven't even tried on one dress, Ang," Lauren pushed a red dress into her hands. "Put this on."

"But I'm not even going to-"

"Yes, you are. Even if we have to drag you to the dance," Lauren started pushing her towards the dressing room. "No more excuses. Put it on."


Angela sighed but complied. The dressing room had no mirrors inside and she carefully put on the dress, not wanting to rip the tulle of the skirt. The dress was only knee-length and bodice tight around her slim torso. Barefoot, she left the dressing room and dreaded seeing herself in the mirror. She was never one to wear red, thinking it was too loud for her. She spent so much time trying to not be noticed and this dress was a big neon sign.

At the sight of her Lauren did a slow clap. "Goddamn, Weber. Where have you been hiding all of that?"

"Language," Angela chided, halfheartedly. Walking faster to the mirror to get it over with and stared in shock at herself. "Oh."

"Don't you mean 'oh my god, I'm a babe'?" Jessica laughed. "You look amazing in red. You should wear it more."

Angela smoothed down the tulle of the skirt that stopped above her knees. The blood red shade of the gown suited her coloring, blending with the olive undertones in her skin and the red highlights in her hair. She never had any illusions about herself and she never wanted to appear vain. She could admit it felt nice to be pretty even if it was only for a night.

"And the legs," Lauren eyed her up and down. "Why you insist on hiding those I'll never know."

Angela started laughing. She tucked her hair behind her eyes and continued to stare at herself in the mirror. Traced the delicate collarbone that neckline of the dress exposed and turned slowly to see herself in different angles. Needless to say, she bought the dress.


They left their purchases in Lauren's car while they went to Westside Pizza for lunch. The pizza was good and even Lauren forgot her diet as they ate. They sat by the window and people watched trying to guess the personalities of people passing by. Jessica made the funniest guesses that had all of them nearly in tears.

"Look at that guy. Spiky, emo hair and pale as a ghost. He's probably in a band and wears raccoon eyeliner," Jessica said before she paused. She moved closer to the window so she could see better and started laughing. "No freaking way!"

"What?" Angela asked as she tried to look out the window. "What is it?"

The guy they were talking about who was across the street started walking towards them and they all gaped as they realized who it was. Edward Cullen was in Port Angeles. He was wearing the grey coat he wore at school and he stopped in front of the window. Angela smiled and waved at him to come inside.

He seemed to hesitate before going inside the restaurant. They all turned to him, half-eaten pizza slices in hand. He almost fidgeted at their scrutiny. His smile was more of a pained grimace.

"Hi," He cleared his throat. "Nice to see you all here."

"What are you doing in Port Angeles?" Lauren held her pizza slice like a weapon. "On the same day as us? Big coincidence."

"Life is full of coincidences," He answered, glibly. He held up a square object wrapped in brown paper. "I went to a bookstore."

"A bookstore?" Jessica bit into her pizza. "What book did you get?"

"Wuthering Heights."

Lauren narrowed her eyes. "Of course it is."

Angela decided it was time to stop her friends' impromptu interrogation and invited Edward to sit with them. He took the empty seat beside Angela. She offered him a pizza slice and he shook his head. She gingerly put the slice back on the tray.

She asked, "Do you not eat meat?"

"No. I also don't eat cheese," He replied. "Or bread."

Jessica offered one of the brownies they'd ordered.

He shook his head. "I'm allergic."

Jessica gaped at him. "To chocolate?"

"Yes."

"What do you eat?" Lauren raised an eyebrow. "We never see you eat anything at school."

He swallowed. "I have a very specific dietary requirement."

"Which is?"

"Guys," Angela finally interrupted them. "Edward's not here to be questioned about what food he likes. Leave him alone."

"We were just curious," Lauren took a bite of her pizza. "I might want to try what diet your sisters are on."

Edward snorted before he coughed again. "You wouldn't enjoy it."


They didn't want to drive home yet and wanting to burn off a few of the calories they just consumed, they opted for a little walk around town. Edward insisted he didn't have any other plans and tagged along with them as they walked down the streets. Port Angeles was a busier place than Forks and had more attractions for a group of teenagers to enjoy. Lauren and Jessica were enjoying window shopping at the store fronts. Edward and Angela trailed behind them.

"Do you often go to Port Angeles by yourself?" Angela asked. "Do you not bring your siblings?"

"No. I love them but sometimes it's nice to get away."

"Gives your brain some space to recalibrate?" She nodded. "I get that."

"The world can be a little overwhelming sometimes," He explained. "Finding some silence is the only thing that keeps me sane."

Angela stared at him for a moment. He was only a few inches taller than her and she didn't ever need to tilt her head up to see his face. Under the street lamps he looked even paler. If not for his auburn hair, she'd think he was a character in an old, black and white film.

"You're a real introvert," She finally concluded. "That's why you don't talk to people at school."

"I know for a fact you are also introverted," He replied, smiling smugly. "That's how I get you."

"Yeah. It's like you can read my mind," She laughed. "It's almost scary sometimes."

He cleared his throat, one handing going through his hair and messing it up slightly. Messy in a way only some boys could get away with and Edward was one of those boys.

"What if I could read your mind?" He said. "Like a special talent?"

She choked on her own breath. She coughed as she tried to get her throat working again. Edward hesitated before he thumped her very gently on the back. It didn't do much help but she thanked him anyway.

"If you could read minds, I would have to move to Alaska," She declared, the thought of him hearing every single thought of hers would be mortifying. "And I'll have to adopt a polar bear as a pet because Mr. Mozart would hate it there."

He laughed that hyena sound that made Lauren and Jessica turn back to stare at him in surprise. He kept laughing for a few seconds and she smiled at him bemusedly. He finally stopped laughing but his smile was still wide and bright. He moved closer to her so he could stare her directly in the eye.

"It's really boring there," He told her matter-of-fact. "You would get cabin fever and die from hypothermia within weeks."

"You've been there?" She questioned. He'd been to Italy and Alaska. "Where haven't you been?"

He seemed to be thinking it over before Lauren called their attention. They were at Deer Park Cinema and Lauren was pointing to a poster of an old 90's Dracula spoof film. The cinema was screening a bunch of old comedies for the week. Old comedies and old horror movies were Lauren's favorite things in the world.

"I love this film!" Lauren stated. "We have to watch it!"

Edward was openly scowling at the movie poster. Leslie Nielsen was wearing fake fangs and a cape and smiling cheekily like he was going to give a joke before biting his next victim. He turned to Angela and shook his head gravely. She shrugged at him, knowing Lauren was gonna have her way no matter what they said.


Edward sat at Angela's right and he looked pained. Every time the audience laughed at a joke, he would sigh and shake his head. Half way through the film, he began to slouch down on his seat and his expression blank as if the fight had been beaten out of him. She inched closer to him and asked if he was okay.

"I am fine," He chanted. "I am fine."

"Edward, I don't think you're-"

"I am fine, Angela," He winced at the screen as Jonathan Harker staked Lucy and a fountain of blood erupted from her chest. "I have never been finer."

She stopped herself from laughing at his misery and leaned over to Jessica to tell her they were going to get some air. She grabbed Edward by the sleeve of his coat and dragged him out to the lobby. Edward sat down on a couch and comically sagged against the wall like a marionette cut off its strings. She wished she had a camera to take a photo of him.

He scowled at her. "You are more sadistic than I could've ever imagined."

"It's a silly vampire film," She took a seat beside him. "You don't like gore?"

"I don't like vampire films," He glowered. 'They are always inaccurate."

"Of course they are," She smiled at his strange reasoning. He was upset about vampires of all things. "You can't be accurate about imaginary things."

He looked like he was about retort. Instead he closed his mouth and started rubbing his forehead in frustration. He stopped and looked at her intensely, moving closer to begin speaking. Then he pulled back and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"This is harder than I thought it would be," He muttered. "Why is this so difficult?"

"It's just a movie, Edward," She was getting really worried about his behavior. "We can wait here until Jessica and Lauren are finished or go for a walk instead."

He turned back to her and grabbed her hands, the shocking cold of his palms nearly made her pull away. He must've had really poor circulation. It wasn't that cold in the cinema. He held on to her hands tighter.

His gaze was boring straight into her soul. "Angela, I need you to listen."

Fearing that he was having an emotional breakdown before her she agreed to everything he said. "Okay."

"I am not human," He explained, his eyes not leaving hers, not even blinking. "I am a vampire."

She stared at him. He refused to let her look away and was waiting for her response. Realizing, he was truly serious she squeezed his hands and nodded. He stared at her in confusion.

"Okay," She replied. "If that's what you believe, I believe you."

Her parents were religious, of course, but they taught her to always respect other people's beliefs no matter how strange they sounded to her. If Edward thought he was a vampire, she would not judge him. She would accept him for how he was and whatever he thought he was.

Edward stared at her in shock before he closed his eyes and sighed. He got to his feet and pulled her up with him. She tried to ask him what was wrong but he was dragging her out of the cinema lobby and out to the street. He didn't stop walking until they reached an alley. She was getting more worried and more than a little scared.

"Edward, what's wrong?"

He didn't answer and dropped her hand. He found a cinder block on the ground and picked it up effortlessly as if it weighed nothing. Meeting her eye, he crushed it between his palms until it was only ashes in his hands and the ground. She stood still, unable to comprehend what she just witnessed.

"I told you," Edward held up his palms in a beseeching gesture. "I'm a vampire."

"I can see that," She croaked, somehow still able to speak. All she wanted to do was start screaming at the top of her lungs or run away or both. "I'm gonna go now."


Let's be honest. If done right, Twilight is comedy gold.

References:

1. Jessica being a musical theatre nerd is directly inspired by Anna Kendrick who got her start on Broadway and was in the Into the Woods film adaptation. Her hatred of Cats is inspired by my hatred of that musical. Don't get me started.

2. The dress Jessica tried on is the same one she wears in the film and Lauren is wearing Angela's dress in the film. I made Angela get a red dress as an inverse to how Bella wore blue in the books because Edward loved seeing her in the color.

3. Of course Edward has a copy of Wuthering Heights. He was Bella's Heathcliffe after all.

4. The film they saw in the cinema was Dracula: Dead and Loving It. I love that film and I live to torture Edward.

5. Chapter title is a play on the children's book 'Monsters Don't Eat Broccoli' by Barbara Jean Hicks.

6. Lauren and Jessica interrogating Edward is largely inspired by the time my best friend brought her new boyfriend to my birthday party and my friends interrogated him like a criminal.