"Tali, when you talk that fast about the drive core, I can't understand a single thing you say." I cock my head, considering it, and add, "Actually, even when you talk slowly about the drive core, I can't understand a damn thing. You have picked the wrong audience for this."

The Quarian sighs at me and continues to tap away things I couldn't even begin to read on her console. "Come on, Shepard. It's your ship. You should learn how it works."

"Absolutely not. Then you and Engineer Adams would be out of a job." She laughs at that, and I can tell she's rolling her eyes at me. "Seriously. If none of the updates are mission-critical, I trust you and the team down here. Go nuts."

"Go nuts?" she repeats.

"Human idiom. It means do whatever you want - something I never say to Joker." She laughs again and nods, thanking me for the approval to do things I don't understand.

"So, humans are only trained in one area?"

I shrug. "It depends. I mean, technically, as a kid, I was trained to be a farmer. Later, it was combat and my biotics. Weapons, first contact, exploration; those are more the realm I live in. Plus, leadership training and things like that."

"But what if you did want to be an engineer? Or a pilot?"

"That's specialized, usually. It's why Joker could be an Alliance pilot," I explain, leaning against the console that she's working on without hindering her space. I like coming down to Engineering to visit Tali, but I kind of hate that there's nowhere for me to sit. "He didn't have to train for combat, so his illness isn't a problem. Is it different on the Flotilla?"

"Yes. We're all expected to have a wide range of knowledge, in case a different vessel needs us for a different role." She shrugs, something I'm sure she learned from me. "We have our preferences and strong suits, of course. I have also received training in piloting, and what I have learned is that it would be unwise to let me pilot anything."

"I'll be sure to keep that in mind, Tali, thanks. I'm gonna go finish rounds, OK?"

"Of course, Shepard. Thanks for spending some time here." She thanks me every night when she's one of the nightly stops that make my days easier instead of making me roll my eyes on my way out. I definitely don't need thanks from Tali, and she knows it.

"Thanks for being you, Tali."

I leave her with that and say goodnight to the rest of the Engineering crew on my way out. My next goal had been Wrex, but before I even get up the short corridor to the Cargo Hold from Engineering, I can hear the tank-like rumble of the Krogan snoring. Sure enough, he's spread eagle over his special order cot and completely passed out. Even if I wanted to wake him up just to chat, I don't think I could accomplish that without a weapon.

I have to keep myself from getting too excited when I run through a mental checklist of the crew and realize this means I'm down to my last stop for the evening.

Garrus.

Unfortunately, his station by the Mako is empty, and there is no Turian to be found anywhere else in the Cargo Hold, either.

At least now I know that he's not avoiding me. It took a blow out in the shooting range on the Citadel and more tears than I'm ever going to confess to, but things are finally OK between us again. We're keeping more physical distance than we used to - Garrus still hasn't brought up finishing our movie marathon, and I'm frankly too nervous to bring it up myself - but in the three days since our fight, we've at least been friends again.

I head upstairs in the elevator and aim for Mess Hall since Garrus is unlikely to be on the Crew Floor. Besides, if he's not there, I can grab a shower and shoot him a message to meet me.

I really need to stop setting myself up for the flood of mental images when I think about Garrus and the shower in the same sentence. The only way that we can continue being friends is with sex off the table, at least while Garrus and I are in different places about us, but it's a full-time job not to think about him that way.

"OK, so maybe not having actual sex with a Hanar. But all those tentacles have to be good for something." Joker's voice carries from the cockpit and rewards me with absolutely the strangest out of context sentence I have ever heard, followed by Garrus' unmistakable chocolately laugh.

"Did you just hear yourself?" the Turian counters as I head through the otherwise empty Mess Hall. I can see the two of them in the pilot and navigator's seats, respectively, neither one facing me. "They are tentacles, man. I don't want tentacles on my dick."

Joker heaves out a dramatic sigh. "We can't all look like you, big guy. Sometimes I'd take just about anything on my dick."

I have to cover my mouth to stifle my laugh and avoid getting caught with that one.

"For shit's sake, Joker. I came up here to ask if you knew where Shepard was, how did we get here?"

"I'm honestly afraid to know the answer to that," I tell them, officially announcing my presence as I walk over the bridge toward them.

Both chairs spin toward me at the same time, two men who couldn't be much more different and have quickly become close friends smirking up at me. I try my best not to notice the huge effort Garrus puts into not checking me out even while I can see his hands fist around the arms of the chair.

"Can we pretend you heard none of that, Commander?" Joker asks, having the grace to look at least a little embarrassed.

"Joker, if I never have to discuss or hear your Hanar sex fantasies again, it'll be too soon."

"You're the best, Shepard."

"I know it." I turn to Garrus. Shit, I love his smile. "I was just down in the Cargo Hold looking for you."

"Good timing then. There's something I need to talk to you about." I motion for him to follow me, and we both say goodnight to Joker before leaving the bridge. "How were your rounds?"

"Oh, just wonderful. Ashley made another plea to have all of you scary aliens thrown off the ship, Kaidan tried to brush my hair back from my face and poked me in the eye, I think I offended Liara when I asked if a single-gendered species could actually be male or female, and Tali talks too fast about the engine for me to understand a damn word. Oh, and Wrex fell asleep."

Garrus' laugh surrounds us in the hallway to my quarters, the hard and free laugh which makes me feel more confident walking back into my quarters beside him. I've missed laughing with him. "And don't forget the Hanar fantasies. Really the highlight of otherwise perfect rounds."

"Yes, can't leave those out. I have to say I'm pretty damn relieved you don't share those fantasies, Vakarian. I don't know if we could be friends."

"My fantasies would terrify you, kid," he quips, running a talon aimlessly along one of the display cases for my model ship collection. He stopped here when we came in, probably strategic in keeping himself near the door.

I want to at least appear calm, so I move further into the room and sit down in the chair I've always taken when we're here together.

"I hate to say these words to you, Shepard...but I have to ask you for a favor."

It catches me off guard. "Really? You never do that...which makes me a little nervous it's serious."

"It is serious."

I motion for the other chair, and Garrus eyes me for a moment before his shoulders relax like he decided I'm not going to try and seduce him, before crosses the room and sits beside me. I make sure that he knows he has all of my attention, resting my elbows on my knees and waiting for the story.

He tells me about a Salarian geneticist that he was investigating a while back when he was still with C-Sec, a guy that they suspected was harvesting and selling body parts on the black market. Garrus got enough evidence to catch him, but C-Sec regulations and red tape prevented him from getting the doctor into custody.

"Quick question - a little off-topic. Why the hell would anyone pay for Krogan testicles?"

Garrus gives me a sideways glance and smirks. "I forget how little time you've spent among the other species of the galaxy. Some Krogan believe that testicle transplants can increase their virility, counteract the effects of the genophage. It's all crap, it doesn't work, but that doesn't stop them from buying. I've seen Krogan pay up to ten thousand credits each."

I balk at him. "Forty thousand for a whole set? Shit, Garrus, we're in the wrong line of work!" Garrus laughs and shakes his head at me. "Anyway, you have me sufficiently convinced that this doctor is disgusting. I'm assuming you know where he is now?"

"Remember that friend of mine I introduced you to on the Citadel? He picked up a lead. It looks like Dr. Saleon changed ships and changed his name - to Dr. Heart."

"Ugh, a freak with a sense of humor."

"Exactly. Orbin is a pretty safe bet on things like this, so I'm willing to trust the lead. It wouldn't take us more than a day to reach him from our current location."

"So, the favor is to help you go after him?" I clarify.

Garrus sighs and sits back in his seat. "It's always bothered me, what happened that day. I went to Pallen right after they let him get away, and I damn near quit the force right then. I get why they weren't willing to risk civilian lives, but we could have disabled the ship. Instead, those people are dead anyway, and he's still out there."

"I see your point." It's true, I get why letting him go was tough for Garrus - it would have been tough for me, too. Part of me doesn't want to argue with him because we've had such a rough patch lately, but Garrus deserves more respect from me than that. "You have to care about the civilian lives, Garrus, they have to come first. If not, you're no better than that doctor. Just a terrorist with a badge."

"I'm like Saren," Garrus notes with a harsh laugh, looking down at his hands. "Yeah...yeah, I know."

"But," I add, getting his attention and pulling him back from his thoughts. "He also has to be stopped. So if there's any opportunity for that, we need to take it. Send Joker the coordinates from Orbin, and you can come with me tomorrow to put an end to this."

I can see the relief wash over him instantly and wonder if it's because I'm agreeing to the mission or because I didn't belittle him for thinking differently than C-Sec told him to. I can see the rebel streak in Garrus that probably scares the hell out of his parents, his previous commanders, and definitely the cops that he worked for.

I also see an exceptionally capable soldier, a brilliant strategist, and a passionate leader. I'm not going to let anyone put the fire inside Garrus out. Not even Garrus.

"You know, I haven't gotten a chance to yell at you about Feron yet." His brow plates raise, and his impossibly blue eyes feel like they're going to pierce right through me. "Why would you ever leave this ship without me? And especially with the Varren puppy twins instead?"

"I...OK, fine. I was being petty, and I'm not going to apologize for it." Garrus laughs even while he shakes his head at me like he's disappointed. I'm not about to take that shit from him. "Really? Wanna talk about your night with Lorik Qui'in?"

Garrus barks out a harsh laugh. "Absolutely. How are things with Kaidan?" I scoff, but it only makes him laugh for real. "I can lend you my safety goggles for when you sleep with him. Hate to think what he might poke you in the eye with then."

Laughter explodes from me, all the way up from my toes, even while I want to be upset with the damn Turian. I can tell that Garrus tries to hold out but ends up fading into laughter with me until we're both gasping for air, and I have to wipe tears from my eyes.

"God, Vakarian. You are such a dick."

"Yeah," he breathes, nodding slowly and letting his eyes fall away from me. "I know it."

He's still smiling, but something tugs at me, like he might have become sad, and I can't stand it. "What?"

Garrus runs a hand back over his head and then scratches his fringe, making me curious and maybe a little nervous about whatever he's going to say. After a beat, he looks up at me. "Shepard, do you ever worry that we're not gonna get Saren?"

That's definitely not what I was expecting.

"No, not really. We're closing in on him," I remind him. "And Saren knows it, that's why he turned on the Thorian and had Benezia go wild on that Rachni." Garrus nods slowly, but I can tell his mind is already moving ahead of me. "Are you worried we're not going to get him?"

"I know you'll get him," Garrus responds, his mandibles flaring on a grin. "I'm not sure there's anything you can't do once you've set your mind to it, Elle Shepard. And I'm damn sure I never want to be the one you're hunting down."

My head falls back on a laugh, and I can feel myself falling back into the relaxed rhythm with him that I missed so much, that I was worried we wouldn't find in this room ever again. I pull my legs up onto the chair under me and rest my chin on my hand again. "So then what are you worried about?"

He turns toward me, resting his elbows on his knees with his legs shoulder-width apart. "I can't help but think about how much work the Council did to protect him. He's an investment to them, he was an asset. What if they protect him again when we do bring him in?"

"The Council has also invested a lot in use getting him back," I remind him. "And we made them realize he's a threat to the galaxy. They're not going to let him get away."

"Maybe we shouldn't give them a chance, Shepard," Garrus urges me, his tone impassioned all of a sudden and his blue eyes blazing at him. "I just...I think we need to eliminate Saren as a problem when we do get him, instead of taking any risks."

"If he gives me reason, if he puts anyone on this crew at risk, I'll take Saren down in a heartbeat," I assure him. It's not something I even have to consider. "But if we have the opportunity to follow the appropriate channels, we're taking it. Saren needs to face judgment and justice."

"Shepard. If the Council finds him guilty, they'll send him back to Palaven. He'll have his clan markings stripped, he'll lose all of his assets, and then he'll be sent off-world. Shamed and broke, yeah, but still Saren. And that should scare the hell out of you."

"What scares the hell out of me is the idea of people taking the law into their own hands because they don't like the way the system works," I retort, eyeing him with my eyebrows raised. I have no doubt that Garrus will come to the same conclusion when he thinks things through instead of thinking with his anger and his heart first.

"Damn it," he growls, straightening so that he can lean back into the seat again. "You're right. I know you're right. It just...it makes me so damn mad to think about how many bad people have gotten away with horrible shit. It's one of the reasons I hated being at C-Sec so much, having to wade through all that red tape just to do the right thing."

I try my hardest not to smile or gawk at him, but I'm fairly certain I fail. Garrus is damn fine anyway, but when he gets passionate, it's enough to melt me.

Garrus does a double-take when he catches me staring. "What are you staring at like that?"

"Nothing. I just...I really admire you. Your spirit and sense of justice."

"Really? You argued with everything I said - and you were right to argue," he notes, frowning at me even though I can tell he's not upset.

"So, you still have things to learn and a temper to manage. But you're starting from the right place, Garrus," I assure him, reaching out and putting my hand on his knee. His hand comes over mine almost absently, like it's just natural. "You have heart, you care. There's nothing wrong with that. And even if I argue the methods with you, don't forget that. Promise me you'll stay passionate."

He finally relaxes, and I watch his gentle smile return. "I promise. Thank you."

I nod and squeeze his leg gently, also just because it feels natural. It's not until I feel the muscles under my hand bunch and tense that I realize I'm touching him in a way that I wouldn't touch anyone else on the crew. Garrus looks down at my hand and seems to realize the same.

I start to pull away, but Garrus keeps his hand on top of mine, trapping it. My heart thumps instantly, and I find his eyes on mine, still blazing. Before he speaks, I can tell that he's trying to implore me. "You make me a better person, Shepard. With you...I want to be a better person."

My face heats quickly, and I try to pull away from him again, but Garrus keeps my hand, this time shifting to hold it between both of his hands.

"Don't. I mean it," he presses. "Joining your team is the best decision I've ever made. I hate asking you for a favor, but it means the world to me that you'll help me get it done."

"I would do anything for you, Garrus." It's entirely honest and just spilled out without real thought, but the smile on Garrus' face makes me feel less scared of it. He lifts my hand to his mouth and brushes the soft plates across the back of my knuckles, electricity shooting right up my arm from the touch.

Before I have any chance to act on it, Garrus stands. "It's late. I should probably go."

I hate how badly I want him to stay.

"Yeah, it's probably about that time," I lie. "Give those coordinates to Joker so we can get on the way."

"Will do, Commander, and thanks again." I force myself to stay in place while Garrus stands and heads for the door, choosing to walk backward so that he's torturing me with that damn sweet smile I like so much. "Goodnight, Elle."

I love the way my first name sounds in his deep, dual-toned voice; my body still reacts viscerally to it, no matter how many times I've heard it. As much as I want him to stay, I need him to go before I combust or go crazy.

"Night, big guy."

I stare at the door far longer than I should after he's gone and can't help but be a little melancholy while getting myself ready for bed. Sometimes I feel so removed from the crew in here, which is why I spend so much time elsewhere even if the quiet in my quarters is better for work. Of course, even then, I end up trying to be near Garrus.

Maybe I'm not lonely so much as I am missing him.

I've been trying to convince myself to back off from the handsome, charming Turian before it's too late, before I want more than sex and friendship from him. The harder I try, the clearer the truth becomes. But there's not going to be any denying it for much longer - not even I am that good at lying to myself.

I'm in love with Garrus Vakarian.


"This was not optional, Garrus."

My father's voice has always grated on my nerves, but it's much worse now that he's stopped bothering to hide how disappointed he is in me.

"Seems like I pretty much took the option not to go, Dad."

It probably doesn't help that I've stopped bothering to hide that I don't give a crap what he wants.

"You disrespected her family, Garrus, there is no possibility that they will allow us to build another contract for you!" I roll my eyes even though my father is only on voice call and can't see it. He wouldn't understand the gesture anyway since it's a decidedly human move. "You aren't going to have many options left if you don't stop this."

"I don't want these options!" I tell him for what feels like the hundredth time. "I am never going to be interested in accepting a marriage contract."

"How do you plan to get married, then?"

I laugh at him, dropping my wrench onto the bench because I know it'll echo obnoxiously over my Omni-Tool speaker. "I don't plan to get married and definitely not to someone you select because it'll look good for our families. I don't care about any of that."

"You are too old for this shit anymore," he groans. I can picture him rubbing a hand over his face from behind his desk.

"I'm too young to tie myself down," I argue.

"So you plan is just to continue following the human around and - "

"Is Mom home?" I cut him off right there like I do anytime he mentions the human whose crew I am serving on right now. I'm too scared to talk about Shepard with him because I know that as much a pain as he is about my life right now, if my father learns that I'm in love with a human Spectre, my life will get infinitely worse.

I wonder if his head would just explode altogether if he knew that she might be falling for me, too.

The thought makes me smile, which is pretty damn rare when I'm speaking to my Dad. Before last night, I thought I was losing my touch or at least my senses. I'd been so sure Shepard felt something more than lust for me, but she's continued to deny it. The truth is in her face when she talks about me, though. Shepard can keep denying it; we both know the truth.

"She's resting at the moment, but I'll tell her you're well and asked for her." I'm sure that my father will also complain to her about me, but I thank him for this part anyway. "You could come visit your mother. She would like that."

"Dad. I visit as often as I can."

"You've been on the human's mission for coming up on a year now, and Saren is - "

"We're not talking about Saren," I snap at him. As much as my father annoys me, I rarely take this particular tone with him. But if I were to start a war over anything, it would be this. I have too much going on about Saren internally for my father's opinions. "Just...tell Mom that I love her. I'll call when I can."

I disconnect without pausing to tell my dad that I love him. He wouldn't say it back anyway, and I've had more than enough of that shit lately.

"Saren sounds like a sore topic for you."

I curse myself for not noticing the elevator descending or hearing Ashley Williams return to the Cargo Bay. It only gets worse when I smell Alenko's musky cologne. Tali thinks that he smells like Elcor sweat, and I refuse to ask how she knows what that smells like, but I know human women like the smell.

My console whines in protest when I remember that Shepard likes the smell, and I grip it too tight.

"I wouldn't have had a private conversation if I knew there was an audience." I hope it's enough of a signal to make the humans stop talking to me, but I never get quite that lucky - especially not with these two.

"I remember when Shepard signed you onto the team, back on the Citadel. You said something about him being your friend," Alenko notes. I don't answer him because it wasn't a question and turn to open up a program on my console instead. Maybe that will get them gone. Instead, Kaidan pushes on and asks, "Is that still true?"

The program closes when my hand comes down in a fist on the console. "What did you just say?"

I turn to face Alenko, finding the two of them standing in the middle of the Cargo Hold. Ashley has her arms crossed over her chest and a pissed-off sneer on her face - or that's just her face. I don't like the way they're positioned; it makes me feel like I'm being challenged, and I've never handled that well.

"Are you still friends with Saren?" Ashley demands boldly.

A harsh laugh escapes me. "You have some kind of quad on you, Williams, to ask me if I'm still friends with a traitor and a murderer."

"Saren hates humans, doesn't he?" she presses. "Makes sense his friends would have a similar outlook on life."

"So then all of your friends are xenophobes with big mouths and daddy complexes?" The human female does not like that, her face instantly going red while her hands drop into fists. "You can flex those fists at me all you want, Williams. Being a Turian means I respect women enough not to take it easy on them. Any time you wanna go a few rounds, you just let me know."

"No," Alenko inserts firmly, grabbing Ashley's arm even though she didn't make a move. "We aren't going to start a fight. We have a right to protect this mission - and Shepard."

He pisses me off so much more than Ashley's racist shit could. I can't look at him without seeing Shepard in his arms, and it makes me want to rip him to pieces. "You do not need to protect Shepard from me, Alenko."

"Though you might need to protect yourself."

Again, I get caught off guard - this time by Shepard herself coming in from Engineering with Tali. My heart and cock jump with equal amounts of excitement at the sight of her, especially when I can tell she's pissed. Shepard takes the stance I like so much, arms crossed and sunk back into one hip while she looks between the three of us.

"Why does this look like an interrogation?" she asks the room.

"Oh, it's all good, Commander. Williams and Alenko just wanted to make sure that I'm not going to betray you - and Nihlus, actually - for Saren's sake."

The humans shrink back immediately when Shepard turns to unleash an emerald-colored glare at them. She's obviously a lot more intimidating than I am, and I really can't blame them for feeling that way. "Please tell me he's kidding."

"You put a lot of faith in him when we know that he had a relationship with someone who hates humans, Skipper, that's all we're saying," Williams notes, putting her hands up defensively as if she's not the problem here.

If all the humans who came through Relay 314 for first contact with Turians were like Ashley Williams, I'm not at all surprised we went to war.

"You hate Turians, Williams. Why is that?" I ask her.

She scoffs, and I can tell she wants to blow off my question before she glances at Shepard again. "My grandfather fought in the First Contact War, or whatever you call it." Williams knows damn well what we call it, but I don't grace that with a response. "So did a few of his brothers and one of my uncles. A lot of them died."

"A lot of people died on both sides of that war," Shepard adds.

"You know why Saren hates humans?" I can tell the question surprises all of them, and Shepard turns to look at me, her eyebrows raised.

I have to brace myself to prepare for telling the story, and I buy a moment by finding a specific file that's been saved on my Omni-Tool forever. "Turians have something called a bond-mate," I explain. "It's like a husband or wife, it's like falling in love but more...so much that we undergo physiological changes. That person, your bond-mate, becomes intricately a part of you."

I can feel Shepard's eyes burning into me now, and I avoid her gaze.

I find the picture that I wanted, and I pull it up for display. The smiling Turians in the image make my heart hurt now. "This is Saren and his bond-mate, Cai. I was probably sixteen when this was taken, and the year after, Saren became a Spectre. They moved to the Citadel, and one night, Cai was walking home alone when she got jumped by a group of human thugs."

My voice cracks around her name, and Tali whispers my first name.

"They demanded whatever she had on her and Cai, being the proud woman that she was, refused them. So the humans attacked her. Cai died...and so did the baby." I bring up a second picture, this one of a much younger me and Cai. I remember the day so well, when she pressed my hand to her swollen belly so that I could feel the unborn Turian kick.

"Oh, God. Garrus." Shepard's voice is soft and sad.

"Shit," Alenko growls.

I nod and close the pictures because I can't look at them anymore. "Saren hates humans, and he doesn't make a secret of it. He's made mistakes because of that hatred before this, and how he treats them is inexcusable. But at least Saren has a reason, not just a racist grudge passed down to him, Williams. I'm not on his side, I don't much care for most of this universe at all most days, but I do have Shepard's back. And you aren't any better than Saren if you don't see past my plates."

The room goes so silent for an instant that I'm certain we could hear a pin drop, and for a moment, I wonder if the ship went dead.

"Chief Williams." Ashley tears her eyes from me for the first time to look at our Commander. "The next time you intentionally start an altercation with a non-human member of this crew, you will be relieved from duty on board this ship. Consider this a formal warning and expect to see it added into your file by tomorrow."

Williams closes her eyes briefly but pulls it together. "Yes, ma'am."

"Lieutenant Alenko, I heard enough of the discussion to know that you played a role here. You are no longer on the roster for the mission tonight. I don't trust you."

Even I have to blink at that, the punishment much worse than what Ashley received even if it doesn't look that way on paper. Alenko looks like he might burst into tears, and all he can manage in response is a nod and a whisper of confirmation.

"Tali, gear up. You can come up with us instead - we should dock at the enemy ship in an hour." The Quarian confirms immediately and then heads back to Engineering to prepare.

Finally, for the first time since coming down here, Shepard turns to look at me. I brace myself, aware that it'll hurt like hell if she scolds me in front of Alenko and Williams. Instead, the look in her eyes changes to one that is instantly familiar to me and decidedly not scolding. "Come with me."

The words tug at my very damn core, my entire body drawn to this woman. It only gets worse when she turns around; even if I could deny her, that perfect ass makes me weak. I follow her into the elevator, trying to pretend that I don't think Alenko and Williams are staring at me.

My chest hurts from spilling like that to the two of them, in such a public way. I'll take whatever comfort I can get from Shepard right now.

I can't breathe the second the elevator doors close behind us, the air inside the little metal deathtrap sparking to life. I close my eyes to try and block it out. "Spirits, this is a bad idea."

"What?" Shepard hits the touchpad to stop it from leaving the Cargo Bay.

"Being alone with you right now," I confess, running a hand back over my fringe and pulling to try and get a more literal grip on myself. The smell of this woman is going to get me hard, and it's not going to be easy to hide in casual pants. "Turians...all kind of tension creates the same reaction in us, and we need to release it in the same ways. Angry, sad, stressed...whatever. It all makes me wanna…"

I open my eyes and find Shepard leaning against the other wall. She's watching me with bright green eyes and more than a little heat in the flush on her cheeks.

Her voice is low, betraying her arousal, when she asks, "Makes you wanna what, Garrus?"

"Nothing," I assert, shaking my head firmly and forcing my eyes away from her. "I don't...just forget it. I'm sorry for engaging them, I should know better and just walk away from Williams."

Shepard scoffs. "Williams deserved it, and I don't want to forget it. Garrus...you can take what you need from me." The words hit me hard enough to send a surge down my spine and I shudder, almost overcome with need. I know what happens after, though, and I can't deal with that; I'm not ready for her to hurt me again. "I want to be here for you like you always are for me."

"Elle, you are here for me," I promise her. I hate that she looks almost guilty when I believe in my heart that all she wants is to be the best friend to me that she can be.

"Not the way…" She clears her throat. "Not the way that either of us wants me to be."

I can't help a little frown and shake my head at her, a little lost. I clear my throat as well. "I'm sorry, Shepard, you're gonna have to be a little clearer. Frankly, the ways that I want you to be here for me right now are considered illegal for some species." That makes her laugh even while she blushes.

Shepard takes a deep breath and then shakes her head. "This is not a good time for this, I'm sorry. I just want you to have a clear head going into the mission tonight. The last thing I want is for you to get hurt. Actually, not true - the last thing I want is for you to think that I share Kaidan and Ashley's concerns about your loyalty."

"I appreciate you making a point of saying it, but I know. Except for leaving me behind on Feron, you've proven over and over that you trust me."

"Oh, my God. Are you ever going to let that go?"

I cock my head at her. "Well, it's that or kissing Alenko. I'm choosing the one that makes me feel a little less insane with rage."

"Fair," she breathes, looking up at me with wide green eyes. "But, I do trust you. Honestly...more than I've trusted anyone since losing my family."

The words soften me, but it's the vulnerable look on her face that really hits me hard, the weight behind the words. Instead of responding or teasing her anymore, and as much as it might hurt me, I close the distance between us. Her heart rate spikes immediately, and I hate knowing how badly she wants me when I can't do anything about us.

"Thanks for talking me down, kid." I tug her hair to make her look up at me, something that always makes her heart skip, and lean forward to press my mouth plates to her forehead. It's the closest I can get to a human kiss, and I hope the sentiment is at least appreciated. "I'll be on my game for the mission. We'll see if you can keep up."

She barks out a laugh and shoves me away playfully. "You're on, big guy. Hope the good Dr. Strange has some merc power for us to have fun with."

"The perfect woman," I tell her with a wink while tapping the code to open the elevator doors again.

I can hear her gasp, but I choose not to wait for her reaction to my honest announcement, leaving to get ready instead. No matter what else is going on, I do need to be at the top of my game for her. Alenko around or no, I have everything to prove where the perfect woman is concerned.

Shepard leaves in the elevator behind me, and I head back out into the Cargo Bay to prepare myself for the mission tonight. Dr. Saleon has been one of those cases that has haunted me, and I have very few - I finish my work. His despicable work needs to end, and it needs to be tonight.

At the moment, thinking about Saren feels a little too raw. So I'm focusing on a clearer enemy with no gray area whatsoever.


Tali was the right choice for this mission.

I was originally going to let Kaidan come because he did well on Feron, and I wanted to boost his confidence. Then he got stupid and helped Ashley Williams attack my best friend. I wouldn't tolerate that from anyone, I don't know why those two thought it would be OK.

At the moment, I don't totally know why I'm allowing Ashley to continue serving on the Normandy. I can see a good person, a good soldier inside her...I just can't figure out how to bring it out.

But I'm grateful to have Tali with us tonight. Garrus is more on edge than I've ever really seen him. I know that it's partially because he's trying to control his need for vengeance with Saleon, but also because of what happened in the garage earlier. It's understandable; Saren is a tough topic for him anyway, and Garrus shared some really personal shit today. Plus, his loyalty was questioned, and I've seen how that gets to him.

Tali's presence, her every-bubbly personality, is helping distract and calm him while we gear up, and I've never been so grateful for the Quarian.

They start rambling on about couplings or some other such thing I don't understand while I fit my rifle with my new scope. I can't help smiling when I think about Garrus presenting it to me. I've never had a lover surprise me with a gift just for the sake of being thoughtful.

I've never had a lover who was anything like Garrus, in any way.

"Hello? Normandy to Shepard?"

I startle when I realize Tali is waving her hand in my face, caught daydreaming about my dreamy ass sniper...who is laughing at me right now. "Distracted, Shepard?" he teases.

"My shiny new scope deserves my attention, thank you very much."

"Hmm. Lucky scope." Something in the way Garrus says it, his voice slipping into that deep register, makes me look up at him. I catch him just in time to watch blue eyes slide down my whole body, his tongue sliding absently over his mouth plates and making my skin erupt with heat. I can't imagine what he likes enough to look at me in such a blatantly erotic and predatory way, but I love it.

And, damn, that tongue….

Garrus pulls his eyes back up to my face and startles when he realizes I've been watching, turning away quickly to gather himself and going back to his gear. I shake off the heat blooming in my core as much as possible to do the same, both of us choosing to ignore Tali giggling after she witnessed the whole exchange.

"We're coming up on the MSV Fedele, Commander," Joker calls over the intercom. "Want me to radio through and let the freaky doctor guy know we're landing?"

"Nah, let's take the shuttle and surprise him."

"Definitely sounds like the kind of guy we should be surprising," Tali drawls, priming her shotgun. It surprised the hell out of me to find out that her favorite weapon is the same as the Krogan's, but she's actually a great shot, so I don't question it.

The ride is short, and the Turian is calming down, now that he has something to focus on.

Everyone is focused as we come up on the conveyor, our shuttle pilot docking smoothly, although he alerts us that the ship locks down immediately after we dock. With Tali around, it's no problem. She hacks the doors onto the ship, and we all stay locked and loaded as we enter, Garrus in his rightful spot on my right-hand side.

We're greeted by an empty hallway, so when we head into a room that looks like it's just for storage, I assume it will also be empty. The sick groan unmistakable to the husk-like things that have been haunting me at every turn lately suggests otherwise.

"Guess Saleon stepped up his game from just cloning organs," Garrus rumbles as we take cover to assess the situation. There's probably a dozen of them, humanoid zombies rather similar to what the Geth are making, but our team wipes through them quickly.

Now that I've seen first hand what he's doing, I'm just as eager as Garrus to bring this doctor to justice. It's with a renewed purpose that I lead them through the room and beyond, where we find a Salarian cowering in a lab.

"Thank you!" he gushes, evidently unperturbed by our weapons in his face. "Thank you for saving me from those - those things!"

"Commander, that's him," Garrus confirms. "That's Dr. Saleon."

"What? My name is Heart. Dr. Heart!" he protests, feigning offense. "Please, just get me out of here."

"You know, making my squadmates and friends out to be liars is not going to help you here," I tell him, putting my pistol back on my hip so that I'm free to approach him for restraints when the time comes. He's unarmed, and we aren't, so I'm still feeling confident.

"There's no escape today, Doctor," Garrus tells him, not bothering to hide the cocky gloat in his tone. "I'd harvest your organs first, for old time's sake, but we don't have the time."

I nod. "We'll take him and drop him off with the military. He committed his crimes in Council space, they can decide what to do with him.

"Shepard - we have him!" I balk at Garrus' protest, the outburst, and argument totally unlike him. "We can't let this freak get away, not again."

"We are not letting him get away, Vakarian, we're turning him in."

Garrus shakes his head and looks away from me, clearly unhappy.

If this were another member of the team, I'd rip them a new one for insubordination on a mission. But it's Garrus...and I can't treat him like just another person on the team.

"Hey." I step forward and grab him by the armored carapace, pulling him to face me. The expression on his face tells that he's expecting the chewing out. "Think this through. If he dies, we'll never know what he's been up to all this time. The families of his victims get no closure. We take him in, interrogate him, then he serves his time."

"We could put an end to his shit right now," Garrus growls. "You don't know C-Sec like I do, sometimes things slip through the cracks."

"That's the system, Garrus, and we can't always just blow through it for results. We're soldiers, we have honor." I shake him a little and assert, "You're better than that. You are better than Saren."

Garrus' eyes go wide, and something flashes through them that I think is anger for a second. Then he exhales so harshly that I feel his breath across my face. "You're right, Shepard. OK." I can see that he means it, so I release him, and Garrus sighs again, clearly not thrilled still, before looking back to Dr. Whatever-He's-Calling-Himself. "You're a very lucky Salarian. You owe the Commander your life."

"Come on, Doctor," I breathe, stepping forward and ready to be done. "Let's - "

"Shepard!" I realize at the same time that Garrus and Tali do that the Salarian has decided he's not going down quietly. His hands and body glow with a blue I recognize from biotics before the energy force surges at me.

Something happens very quickly, before I can prepare or anticipate it, and the next thing I know, I'm hitting the ground instead of flying through the air from a biotic blast without my shields up. It's my Turian sniper that goes flying instead, shooting straight back out of the room and cracking against the metal hull of the ship with a sickening thud.

Cold runs through my veins at the sight of Garrus slumping heavily to the floor, and then it's instantly replaced with the hot roar of my own biotics surging to life.

"Big mistake," I snarl at the Salarian, jumping to my feet. He got in a good hit when we weren't ready, but the doctor is definitely more scientist than soldier. It takes minimal effort for me to kill him with the power that runs through my body.

The shaking in my hands, sweating, and pounding heart have nothing to do with the effort from the short battle. All that matters at the moment is that Garrus is hurt, and the second Saleon is down I rush back to him.

Tali is already in the hallway with him, doing her best to help the Turian that is three times her size sit up. I grab his other side and help, propping Garrus up against the wall that he dented with the force of his body. He groans and winces but seems conscious and leans against me when I move closer.

"It knocked him out, Shepard," Tali advises, using her Omni-Tool to scan him quickly. "But he woke up pretty quickly, and his stats are OK."

"Radio back to the ship, please, Tali. Let Chakwas know she's going to need to examine him." She confirms and stands, hurrying back to the shuttle to make the call and alert the Normandy.

"I'm fine," Garrus argues even while his head sways, and he has to blink multiple times to get his eyes open. It scares the hell out of me.

I shift to kneel in front of him for a better look. "I'll be the judge of that, big guy. Look at me." I catch his face between my hands and pull him to make eye contact. For a moment, he looks hazed like he's seeing double or he's dizzy. I watch focus come back into sharp blue eyes. "Think you can walk back to the shuttle?"

"No. Carry me." I laugh and release his head to smack his shoulder lightly, relieved that he's still with me enough to make jokes. Garrus lets me help him up, though I know he has to do most of the work so that I don't end up squished on the floor underneath him. He's three times bigger than me, too.

He's a little wobbly at first but then steadies himself and leans against me, his arm around my shoulders so that he can lean on me. I'm avoiding his waist but can't miss how damn good he smells. The shuttle is already running, and Tali tells me that Joker has a local military police squad on the way while Chakwas is ready for Garrus.

He argues again on the shuttle that he's fine, but then stumbles when he has to stand back at the Normandy. "You hit a metal wall hard enough to dent it, and it knocked you out. You're getting a medical examination, and that's an order, Vakarian."

"Shepard, don't try to distract me by getting me turned on," he grumbles, rubbing his head absently with probably no clue how damn adorable he looks doing it. Tali giggles at his joke, trying to hide it, and stays close by while Garrus gets out of the shuttle.

"What happened?" Ashley Williams asks, down here ostensibly to be by her station. I'm sure Garrus is not thrilled that she and Kaidan are seeing him even mildly injured.

"Garrus dove in front of Shepard, took a biotic hit with his shield down to protect her," Tali answers.

I was there, I'm well aware of what happened, but until the Quarian says it that way I don't realize that she's right. Garrus is hurt because he took that hit for me - because he saved me from it. I've said before that I think Garrus would jump into the line of fire for me. Today he proved it.

"Wow. Glad you were there tonight, Vakarian," Kaidan mutters.

I don't have time to dissect his tone of voice because Garrus goddamn Vakarian got himself a concussion while trying to save my life, and I can barely breathe around the pounding of my heart.

Garrus is steady on his feet now, but when he reaches up to rub the back of his head, I watch him grimace in pain and check his hand like he expects blood. "Come on," I reach for him, slipping my arm around him again. He doesn't hesitate to return it, holding my shoulder and leaning on me a little, while we walk to the elevator.

"You know they can see us, right?" he mutters, referring to the crew.

"I know," I assure him. "I really just don't care at all." I can feel his gaze on me, but Garrus doesn't comment on it before we get into the elevator. Inside, I choose not to release him. If he asks, I'll say that I'm just afraid he'll pass out.

Of course, if he did pass out, I'd just fall down and get trapped under him.

"Shepard. He died anyway." I look up at him, Garrus' expression serious and thoughtful. "What was the point of all that if he died anyway?"

"You can't predict how people will act, Garrus," I tell him, resting my head on his chest. The Turian's arms come around me. I missed having him hold me, but I focus. "We can't control anyone else. All we can control is how we respond to them. That's what makes you who you are."

He's quiet for a moment and then holds me tighter. "I don't think I've ever met anyone like you, Elle."

"I could say the same to you, you know." I incline my neck to look up at him. Before I can figure out what the hell to say to him, the doors open and release us into Mess Hall.

"This really is unnecessary, Shepard," he argues again when I pull him out with me. "I don't need a doctor to tell me that I hit my head."

"I like to think I'm capable of more than that, Officer Vakarian." He jumps at the sound of Chakwas' voice, clearly not on his game if he didn't notice her, and I can't help but laugh at him. "I'll take it from here, Commander."

I stumble a little when I realize that she's dismissing me, even though I realize it's the right thing to do. I don't need or deserve to be present for Garrus' examination.

"Wait, where are you going?" Garrus asks, grabbing my arm as soon as I release him. Warmth blooms in my stomach. He doesn't want me to leave him either.

I catch that Chakwas is giving us a sideways glance, and I know how it'll look if I stay. The Med Bay is in full view of Mess Hall, where everyone passes at some point. If I go in there with Garrus, it'll start even more talk about us. And for the first time, maybe ever, I really don't give a shit if people think I'm not being professional enough - or just not being enough in general.

Garrus saved my life.

"If you don't mind, Dr. Chakwas...I'll stay with him."