This is a bonus chapter called 'The Funeral Tape'. The concept is that Eric is filming a video for his Youtube channel where he's creating an impromptu eulogy for Angela with all of their friends. It's written in a script format.

Kinda sad.

Just a warning.

This is in the Edward ending universe.


2005, OCTOBER 23

SUNDAY

6:05 AM

Eric: Hi guys. My name's Eric Yorkie. I…I don't even know where to begin but my friend just died the last night. It was during the Homecoming dance. A, um, a bear, yeah, a fucking bear mauled her in the woods and now…she's gone. You guys saw her in my videos. Her name's Angela Weber. She was the nice, tall girl with the freckles…

Pause.

Eric: And the reason why I'm talking about her is I'm still trying to process what happened. Today's her funeral and her parents, Mr. and Mrs. Weber, asked all of us, all of Angie's friends to you know, um, say something. I'm just trying to compose what to say but….the words aren't really coming to me and it's not going well. So, I thought, maybe speaking into a camera might help me think better. I don't wanna disappoint, Angie, you know?

Pause. Nervous laughter.

Eric: So, I'll start? I met Angela Weber in grade school. My parents just moved us from Texas to Forks so that was a big change. I was a shy kid so I didn't know how to talk to other kids. Here I was, eating lunch alone like a loser, and then this pretty, tall girl with these doe eyes comes over and asks if I wanna have lunch with her and her friends. I wasn't gonna pass up that opportunity, you know? I get my lunch tray and I come over to their table. That's how I met my friends, all because Angie was nice and could tell the new kid needed a friend. That's how Angie was. Just nice and took care all of us. She was the glue of the group, you know? And, um, I miss her and I really, really miss her. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you were leaving, Angie. I didn't know. I'm sorry. I didn't know…

Pause.

Eric: And on that depressing note, I know Angie is up there in Heaven, chilling with God and all the saints. Cause she was like her name, you know? An angel…but not really. She was better cause she had her flaws. She was Angie freaking Weber and she never minded being in my videos and supported me all the way. So, this is for you, Angie. I'm gonna miss you and I'm gonna keep doing my best in this Youtube thing even if it never works out. Maybe in some weird time-travel dimension jumping way, you can watch this video. And you'll see how much you are missed and how much you are loved. I love you, Angie.


2005, OCTOBER 23

SUNDAY

5:30 PM

Tyler: Why are we doing this?

Eric: It help me figure out what to say for the funeral. Just talk into the camera and let your mind go. We can write down the best parts and that can be your eulogy for Angie.

Tyler: Um, wouldn't the Webers mind if we post this online?

Eric: I'll ask their permission later. Right now, we're just filming.

Tyler: Okay.

Pause. Deep breath.

Tyler: How do I even start?

Eric: Um, I began talking about how I met Angela.

Tyler: Right. Okay. So, I met Angela Weber in kindergarten. We were in the same class as Mike and Jess. Mike and Angela were already friends cause their parents were and Jess and Angie met there and that's how they became friends. I was friends with Ben Chenney. Cool guy. Still a cool guy actually. Anyway, we kinda drifted a part in grade school, it happens. And I became friends with Mike cause I used to go to Little League Football. That was my dad's dream for me, to play professionally but it wasn't until middle school he accepted I suck at it and gave up. So, yeah, that's how I became friends with Mike and through him I became friends with Angie and Jess.

Pause.

Tyler: Angie was always nice. She would bake these cookies with her mom, the sugar cookies ones that are just amazing.

Eric: Oh yeah! Those are good.

Tyler: Yeah, so cooking and baking was kinda Angie's thing. And she would bring baked treats to school and share them with us. She used to come to the Little League games with her dad and she'd cheer us on. She even made this funny, stupid little cheer for Mike that I can't even remember it. It was like…something like…Mike, Mike, takes the pike. He will take your bike…something really like stupid…

Laugh.

Tyler: But it was really, really cute.

Eric: He will take your bike? What does that even mean?

Tyler: I don't know. Maybe she wrote that cause it rhymed. That was ages ago. But yeah, every time I think about Angie I just remembered her cheering and just happy to be there for us. That was her thing. She wasn't selfish. She was genuinely happy for other people and cheered them on. And I know people are gonna watch this and be like, 'That's not a person. No one is that nice'. But Angie was. Angie was really nice. And it sucks that she's gone cause…

Pause.

Tyler: It sucks cause I was there when she was dying. Lauren told me to get help and I ran as fast as I could but…but I wasn't fast enough. I just couldn't run faster. Maybe if I was faster, Angela would still be here. Did I fail her? Was it my fault?

Eric: Dude, don't think like that. You did what you could.

Tyler: But it wasn't enough. I just…I wish I could've done more. Now I'm just left wondering what to do with my life…

Pause.

Tyler: Back to Angela. She was a great person. She was funny and sweet and she deserved to live longer. I'm gonna miss her.

Eric: If she could watch this right now, what would you tell her?

Tyler: Hey, Angie. I'm sorry I'm a shitty runner. Maybe if I was better we'd be laughing this off, huh? I know you wouldn't want me blaming myself cause you would hate that. You would tell me that it's okay and you're totally having a fun time in Heaven cause that's where you definitely are. So, I guess all I have left to say is I'll miss you. Thank you for being my friend.


2005, OCTOBER 24

MONDAY

8:00 AM

Jessica: Why do you have your camera with you, Eric?

Eric: I'm doing this thing where I wanna make a video for Angela like she can see it.

Pause.

Jessica: Seriously, Eric?

Eric: Just think of it like we're in Doctor Who and a different Angela in alternate universe can watch this, okay?

Jessica: Travel between dimensions isn't possible yet…

Eric: Jess, just pretend. Pretend that Angie somehow was able to do the impossible and she's watching this video right now. What would you tell her?

Sigh.

Jessica: Fine. I would tell her that I am a mess without her. I would tell her that I can't sleep or eat or do anything functional anymore cause my best friend is gone and what am I supposed to do with myself? Like fuck, move on? Are you kidding me? How do you move on from this? Fuck that. All I want is Angie back. I wanna go in the woods with a shotgun and hunt down that bear and make a rug out of it. I don't give a fuck if PETA comes after me. Cause my best friend is still dead. No matter what I do. Science can't do anything and magic doesn't exist. She's still dead. And I'm…I'm so fucking angry.

Eric: Yeah, Jess. I get that. I'm angry too.

Jessica: You didn't see her, Eric. How she was bleeding to death in front of us. She was soaked in blood and when I close my eyes I can still see it…

Sobs.

Jessica: She deserved better than to die like that. She should've died surrounded by her family and her grandkids. She should've been able to go to college and become a nurse like she wanted. She should've…she should've had more and not died eighteen like a Greek tragedy.

Eric: Jess…

Jessica: You know how I first met her? We were in kindergarten and I was the short kid with the big curly hair and I talked too much. And here's sweet Angela, like a cherub, offering me to play with her. And I ask her what was her favorite color and she said 'pink'. I said 'me too'. And that's it. I just met my best friend and I had no idea that moment was important. I had no idea I had to cherish every moment with her cause…

Pause.

Long pause.

Jessica: In the macro Cheetos box of the universe, Angie's supposed to be this tiny Cheeto no one should care about. Which is bullshit. In the micro, she's so important to all of us. She gave and gave and never asked for anything in return. She was hopeless with boys and hated being so tall. Even though I would've killed for her legs and…

Deep breath.

Jessica: It's not fair. Life isn't fair and it fucking sucks. Angie can't be gone. If there's a way to Doctor Who time travel and fix this, I'll do it. I'll find it. Just to make this all better.

Eric: Jess, if Angie could watch this, what would you tell her?

Jessica; I would say – Angie, I am falling apart without you. And if you can get some of your Mom Friend magic right now and just come back I'd appreciate it. Like, you were so good and nice, the universe has to give you a break right? They can make an exception, just once? Cause I can't do this living thing without you. I miss you so much and…and…

Pause. Crying.

Jessica: I can't do this, Eric. I'm gonna go.

Eric: Jess, wait…


2005, OCTOBER 24

MONDAY

8:38 AM

Lauren: Why is Jessica crying in the bathroom?

Eric: That's probably my fault.

Lauren: What did you do?

Eric: I'm making this video. It's….kinda like if Angela could watch it and see what we were saying at her funeral….

Lauren: That's morbid and fucked up, Yorkie.

Eric: Yeah, kinda, but her me out. What if in some weird science-y alternate universe she could watch this? I know it sounds crazy but what if, you know? It can't hurt.

Pause.

Lauren: And let me guess. You want me to participate in this insanity?

Eric: Yeah…

Lauren: Fuck no.

Eric: Come on, Lauren! Please. Say anything. Pretend Angela can see this. Please.

Sigh.

Lauren: Fine. Hey, Weber. Life sucks without you. I'm pissed at you and will never forgive you for abandoning me like this. I hope you have fun singing with the Heaven's choir or whatever cause your days singing Mamma Mia with us are done. You got that? Thanks for making me miss you and feel like my heart is about to explode in my chest every time I think about you. Thanks for making me feel like shit. So, if I see you in the next life, Weber, I will slap you. And hug you. And tell you I love you. Probably not in the order.

Eric: Um…

Lauren: Oh, fuck off, Yorkie.


2005, OCTOBER 24

MONDAY

12:01 PM

Snippet from Angela's funeral.

Mike's eulogy.

Mike: Angie was like a sister to me. Closest thing I had to one. I've known her since pre-school. Most of my childhood memories had her in it. Our dads were best friends so we had camping and beach trips together. She cheered me on during Little League games. She was there supporting me through every football game and helped me with my classes. Even when we didn't hang out for large periods of time, we'd get together and it was like time hadn't passed by at all. Angie was my best friend. She got me. I didn't have to explain myself to her. She accepted me as I was and not who other people wanted me to be.

Pause.

Mike: A few weeks ago, I asked her to come to Europe with me after graduation. We'd go backpacking through Europe. She always wanted to see Italy. I told her 'Let's go, Angie. Just you and me'. And she said yes. We would go to Italy, France, Greece, wherever we wanted. Angela would keep me out of trouble and I would get her to loosen up and have fun…

Pause.

Mike: But you know life threw us a curveball. Angie got to the fourth base earlier than the rest of us and we're just struggling to catch up. So, Europe is off the shelf. Angie had to go on a different journey without me. And I'm…I'm gonna miss her really badly. I'm gonna miss her a week from now or even ten years from now. I'd probably be weird and draw her faces for years and have every future girlfriend doubt my feelings for her. And they won't believe me when I tell them 'That's my sister'. Especially if I have a daughter named 'Angela' someday who hopefully will take after you, Angie, and not me.

Awkward laugh.

Mike: Europe wasn't happening for us. A lot of things aren't happening and that's…that's just how it is. Even if I can't have you in my life anymore, Angie, I won't forget you. I can't. Maybe in the next life, you can fulfill your promise to me and we'll go to Europe together. Till then, I'll just miss you. See you in the next life, Angie.


2005, NOVEMBER 5

SATURDAY

Emmett knocked on the open door of Angela's bedroom. She was reading a book but didn't seem to be too engrossed in it as she kept looking outside the window. He'd brought his laptop with him and placed it on her desk. She looked up at him in question.

He explained, "Eric, just uploaded a new video. It's titled 'For Angela' so I thought you'd wanna watch it."

"I'm…I'm not sure that's a good idea," Angela clutched the book to her chest. "Have you seen it?"

"No," He shook his head. "I felt that you should see it first."

"Um…" She swallowed. "Will you watch it with me?"

"Sure."

He smiled and pulled the bean bag in the corner so he could sit beside her and watch on the laptop. She put down her book to pay attention to the video. Before Emmett could press play, Alice went into the room and tossed a box of Kleenex at them. They stared at her in surprise.

"Believe me," Alice said. "You will need it."

Emmett handed the box of Kleenex to Angela. He leaned over and pressed play on the video. Eric's face appeared on the screen. Angela reached for Emmett's hand and he held her hand tightly.

"You can do this, Angie," He reassured her. "I don't think it's gonna make you cry that hard."

He was wrong.