So I've been slowly working on this story the last few weeks, and as much as I want to promise that I'll go back to regular updates I just can't. But I do promise that I've been getting through it, bit by bit. Inspiration for this story comes in waves - I'll have a week of inspiration tidal waves and then months of nothing. Uni absolutely killed me this year - I wish I was joking when I tell you I was doing about 90 hour weeks on average. During exam times that'd easily get up to about the 120 hour mark.
I'm updating today, because today is one of triumph and celebration: not only was the TIME person of the year the Silence Breakers, the ones whose voices launched the historic movement against sexual harassment and assault, but the Australian government FINALLY legalised marriage equality! I'm in a state of absolute euphoria, and I want to share my happiness with you in the only way I can: by giving you an update. It's not much, but it's all I have, and I hope it brings you some of the joy I'm feeling now.
Infinite love and thank yous to the wonderful people who left me a review last chapter - I don't deserve your kindness xoxo
Chapter 16 - progress
From the moment I wake, they come to my white cell and take me to the training ground. My body is a battlefield of bruises, and it hurts to breathe, but I don't complain, because complaining brings punishment and that hurts more.
"Take your stance," says the man, and I do so, gingerly getting into position. Lean back on the right – no, left foot, left fist in front of my face, right next to my cheek.
"Do you want broken thumbs?"
I flick my thumbs out from underneath my fingers.
The man waves someone else over to me, and they take position a few feet away, their stance mirroring mine.
"Kill him," says the man to me, "or no food until tomorrow."
My stomach growls a protest, but I nod. "Yes, master," I say, and begin my attack. The person opposite me is twice my size, easily, and has no qualms about holding back. They go for my nose, but I dodge and hit their jaw.
Pain sears through my fist, and I break concentration long enough for them to hit me in the ribs, winding me and forcing me to the floor, tears rising unwelcome into my eyes.
"Stupid child," says the man, approaching me, cane in his hand. "Where are you supposed to avoid?" I don't answer immediately, and he hits me with the cane, hard, right across my ribs.
I gasp, and splutter out: "Jaw, cheek, and forehead." My lungs can't fill with air. He hits me again, the pain licking over my shins this time.
"And where did you hit?" he demands, and I respond immediately.
"His jaw." My middle finger feels like it's been fractured.
"Take him to the medical ward," says the man. "He is to get no meals for two days. Do you understand, Gaara?"
I nod, forcing myself to my feet, careful to avoid putting pressure on my shins. "Yes, master. Sorry, master. Thank you, master." The other grabs me by the scruff of my neck and drags me from the room.
Hinata is training again. Neji and Tenten have allowed me into the training room (though I suspect that that had a lot more to do with Hinata and less to do with them), and it's honestly fascinating to watch her.
I see now why she tends to avoid form-fitting clothes. Her body is pure lean muscle, honed over years of Aikido training. No one would suspect just how fit she is under those clothes unless they'd seen her train. And an unsuspecting enemy is a weak enemy. She gives Neji a run for his money, though he is just that little bit stronger and faster than she is. But there's no denying that she is very gifted at Aikido. Only an idiot would deny that.
I can't help myself as my eyes travel over her. She's wearing a sports bra and leggings, her normally loose hair tied up in a messy bun at the top of her head. Her sweat creates a gentle halo around her in the artificial light. She's always been pretty – I can admit that much and still plot her death. But here, as relaxed as she is, with a smile on her face and mischief in her eyes, she looks genuinely beautiful. I relax and rove my eyes around the room, careful not to stare at her too much, lest Neji gouge my eyes out.
They start their spar, and she dodges an attack at her knees, then twists to avoid another in her ribs. Her fist aims for Neji's nose, but he pushes it out of the way and aims for her throat. She ducks and goes for his groin instead, but he pivots and aims for her knees again. They continue much in the same fashion, and Hinata looks, dare I say, bored. Like she's done this routine a million times before, which, to be fair, she probably has.
They continue. Aim, strike, dodge, miss, bluff, attack, dodge, miss, strike, block, counter-attack, block, aim, attack, dodge, miss, attack, bluff, strike, block, miss… Five minutes later Neji calls a break, and they both sit down, a little bruised but ultimately unhurt.
"I need someone else to practise with, Neji," Hinata says suddenly between mouthfuls of water. "You've already taught me everything – we're just going through the motions now. And I can already beat Tenten… sorry Tenten… but seriously. We need to find someone else." She sounds a little too nonchalant when she says that, and I fix my eyes on her, wondering what she's plotting.
Neji finishes his mouthful of water, and says calmly, "There is no one else, Hinata. None of the other guards are at our level. It wouldn't do anything but fuel your ego."
She narrows her eyes at him, and I watch, amused by their banter.
She waits a beat, and I feel like she's going to say something no one in this room will like. "What about Gaara?" she suggests casually, and I jump, glaring at her. Neji has much the same reaction. Hinata either doesn't notice or doesn't care. She's wiping her face with a towel, trying to act blasé, though the slight tension in her neck suggests otherwise.
"No," he states firmly, and I have to agree with him. Why on earth would she suggest me in the first place? Surely she knows it's a recipe for trouble.
"Why not?" she questions, and I suddenly realise why she's brought me along to her sparring lessons. "He beat you, didn't he?"
I nearly choke on my spit, and refrain from coughing through only the most inhumane effort. I don't look at Neji, though I can feel his eyes glaring daggers into me.
"That was a fluke," I say, trying to downplay it. She's going to get me fired at this rate. And just after I'd made so much headway, too. Stupid girl.
"Fluke or not, it was still a win," she persists, and I can feel her eyes joining Neji's on me. "Come on Neji, I need something different. You're the best fighter I know, but I can't get better if I'm not subject to anything new."
I bristle a bit at that line, but outwardly make no reaction. He's the best fighter that she thinks she knows. But she doesn't know that and she doesn't need to know that. Not yet, anyway.
I brave looking over at Neji, but he's turned away from me now, his eyes back to Hinata. They have a silent conversation between them, one that I'm not privy to, before Neji's shoulders slump. "Fine," he grates out between clenched teeth, and I can barely believe my ears. "But I'm warning you," he says, turning to me, "if you hurt her, I'll make you wish you'd never been born." He waits for me to agree, then says: "Go put on some training clothes. Hurry up."
I race into the guard's room next door and find a spare set of training clothes and quickly pull them on, then head back to the training room. Hinata's already stretching in the middle of the floor, and I put my other clothes down, along with the weapons, and follow suit, loosening up the muscles in my body.
She looks at me with something almost like a smile on her face, and I get the distinct impression that she's been planning this for days. The little shit.
Hinata gets into position and I get in to mine. Find my centre of gravity. Breathe in, breathe out. Concentrate. Study her movements. If it comes to blows when it's time to kill her, make sure I can win. Don't hurt her, though. I need Neji's and Tenten's trust, not their ire, if I'm ever to get half a second alone with her.
If I'm ever to get half a chance to kill her.
There's a beat, and then I start the fight, aiming for her ribs, and quick as a snake she blocks me, aiming for my throat. I'm holding back more than I normally would – I need them all to like me. But I can see Hinata's getting frustrated.
"Come on, Gaara," she pants. "Hit me. I can take it." There's fireworks in the moonlight of her eyes, something daring me to challenge it, though I resist. Just.
I lunge again, knowing she'll block me. "I think if I tried Neji would mount my head on a stick."
She slips between my arms and punches me in the nose, and I stumble back, my face stinging. "Seriously?" I demand, blood running down and over my mouth.
"I'll go for your privates next if you don't man up. Hit me."
I turn to look at Neji, incredulous. "Is she always like this?"
Neji shrugs, though I do detect the barest hint of a satisfied smile on his face, and I can tell he's enjoying watching her beat the crap out of me. "It's just easier to give her what she wants, sometimes."
I roll my eyes and loosen my shoulders. My nose bleed is already starting to subside, though the blood has caked unpleasantly around my mouth.
"Fine."
I stop holding back so much – though not entirely. I can't have them suspicious. We spar for about thirty seconds before I land the first hit to her side, and she staggers away, gasping for breath. My eyes follow her, something almost like worry brewing in my gut, before she sucks in some air and straightens up.
"Finally," she says, a glow about her cheeks and a smile on her face. She is an absolute conundrum. We continue the fight.
She's a brilliant fighter. One of the best I've faced. I was right that Neji is better – but only just. Hinata's movements have a fluidity that Neji's lacks. He's a hair's breadth stronger and faster, but she's more… slippery, is the only word I have. She can change her attack or defence in the blink of an eye, and sneaks into openings that half the time I don't even realise I have. But I'm just that little bit faster and stronger, and can break her blocks if I put enough power into my attacks, and avoid hers if I'm quick enough.
But she still gets some good hits in, and so do I, and twenty minutes later and we're both heaving in air, aching and bloody from the spar. I can feel a bruise forming under my eyes, and I just know I'll have a hell of a headache in the morning.
Hinata's clutching her side, but smiling despite the pain. "That was fun," she says, panting. "You should come in when I train more often." I shake my head at her, unable to figure her out. Since when does a girl want to be punched?
I see Tenten stand up, worry in her eyes and a tightness to her body that she doesn't normally have. "Come on, Hinata," she says, gently putting her hands around Hinata's shoulders. "We need to get you cleaned up."
Hinata shoots one last grin at me, and, unthinking, I return it, before she's led off to the bathroom at the back of the room.
The moment she's out of sight, I groan and limp back to the benches, collapsing onto them. She may not be as strong as Neji, but she still packs a hell of a punch, and it feels like landmines have gone off beneath my skin. I can feel Neji's eyes on me again, but frankly I don't care. I just want some ice for the pain and a cloth to wipe the blood off my face.
Neji stands and walks over to me, but I ignore him. What's he going to do, yell at me for hitting her too hard? Like I had much of a choice. But instead he sits down, and I feel as uncomfortable as he looks.
"In three days we'll be going back to the library with Hinata. She'll feel better if you're there, and honestly, so will I. Be here at eight. Don't be late."
I wait until he leaves the room, before letting a smile creep onto my face. It's the opportunity I've been waiting for. A chance to finally make them trust me. Still grinning, my heart suddenly feeling a whole lot lighter, I pick up my things and head back into the guard's room to clean up and change.
Neji doesn't fill me in on any further details, and when I ask he tells me that I'll know everything on the morning of. He says it's safer that way.
But as I leave, I know I need to contact Itachi immediately. My heart beats faster, and excitement pulses through my veins, and I feel I could cry in relief knowing that my end is so close. Two weeks and one day left of life. Hinata will be dead, and then I'll be dead, and I won't have to kill anymore or be theirs anymore.
My suicide attempt was the first thing I'd done of my own volition since I was twelve years old. Nine years of what has been essentially slavery, and in just over a fortnight it'll be over.
I'll be free. Free to finally die, and take my place among those I've already killed.
I wonder, briefly, if Hinata will be there, wherever there is. I find myself hoping that she'll forgive me for what I'm going to do. I hope she'll understand. The Hyuuga are going to die anyway. I can see it in their clocks. At least I'll be quick. At least I'll be as painless as possible. If left to Fugaku, her fate would be far more drawn out. Honestly, in some sick, twisted way, I'm sparing her from a worse fate by killing her.
But still, to get this plan rolling, I need Itachi. I know the Hyuuga are watching me – they'd be idiots if they weren't. My phone is probably bugged, so calling him from there is impossible. And my little apartment is probably wired by now. But I have an idea.
My hands are already in my pockets, as they usually are. My phone is sitting against my thigh, and slowly I work my finger around and turn my phone off. I wait a minute, just after I've walked past a public phone (I honestly can't believe they're still around, and I hope this one works), then pretend like I've had an idea and get out my phone, intent on calling someone.
Surprisingly, my off phone doesn't spring to life, and I sigh in faux frustration as I turn back and look at the pay phone some ten metres behind me. Digging a coin out of my pocket, I slide it into the coin slot and dial a number that I know goes straight to Kisame. Thankfully he answers.
"The fuck is this?" he says.
"Take a guess," I reply, sarcasm dripping.
"Ah. Hold on." The line goes quiet for a moment, and then Itachi is on the phone.
"Yes?" he asks.
"I need to speak to you. Not my place, it'll be bugged." I keep my mouth as still as possible – I'm sure the Hyuuga would have someone tailing me (I'd have someone tailing me if I were them), and I'm not going to risk them being able to lip read.
"Go home, and act normal. Do you have someone tailing you?"
"Probably," I say.
"There will be a blackout in your building between 9:32 and 9:57pm. We will talk then. Stay in your apartment."
He hangs up and I put the phone back on the receiver, casually meandering my way home, in a better mood than I have been in weeks.
Ooooh, things are happening! I am genuinely sorry about the waits between chapters for this story - it was never my intention to get so behind on it. I am infinitely grateful for how patient you have been with me, and I know I don't deserve it.
If you would like to leave a review, I would be indescribably grateful. I adore hearing from my readers, more than words can say. I've caught wind of an environment where a lot of people don't feel comfortable reviewing anymore, but honestly there's nothing more wonderful to a writer than to hear the thoughts of their readers. I would love to hear from you.
Sending lots of love and strength to all my readers. Following the metoo movement, if anyone ever needs to talk about anything, and feels more comfortable doing so with a random stranger on the internet, my inbox is always open, and you are more than welcome to send me a message any time :)
Lots of love, Alia xoxo
