Slightly shorter chapter this time, so I apologise for that. Necessary set up. Next chapter shouldn't take too long, I wouldn't imagine. I've been waiting to write it literally for years. Thank you so much my beautiful reviewers, you make my heart melt xx
Chapter 25 – cracks in the façade
The kunai flies through the air, thudding uselessly against the target and clattering listlessly to the floor.
"If you fail the next one, no dinner tonight," says the voice behind me, promises of punishment lingering in their tone. I swallow heavily and nod my understanding.
I pick up the next kunai, feeling the weight of it in my hands, and hold it like they showed me. I balance myself, breathe in, breathe out, and let the kunai fly.
My heart leaps into my throat as it sticks, for all of a second, then it too joins its fellows on the ground.
"Don't miss the next one Gaara, or no meals tomorrow." Their voice is like venom as it slices through the air.
"Yes sir," I say, my voice small. I pick up the next kunai, and after getting myself ready I fling it at the target. It sticks, but not in the bullseye. I look at it in horror, and ready myself for the barrage of my trainer's anger.
"Stupid boy!" they yell, and I flinch in response. "Do you not know how to aim? No meals for a week, and you'd better get the next one or I'll whip you so bloody you'll be lucky to have an arm!"
"Yes sir," I whisper, trying desperately to hide my shaking fingers. I breathe deeply, forcing myself to concentrate. Pick up the kunai, feel the weight of it in my hands. Find my centre of gravity, draw the kunai back, and let it fly at the target.
It hits less than an inch from the bullseye. My stomach drops into my feet and I close my eyes, preparing my body for the abuse to come.
When Hinata emerges from her room the next morning, it's with dark circles under her eyes and colourless cheeks. Neji follows her looking much the same, and while I know that she didn't wake screaming again, I figure that it can't have been a peaceful night.
But she manages to smile at me while Tenten makes her some breakfast, and I ease myself into a chair next to her. She doesn't look up to discussing the previous night, and Neji shoots me a warning glance before I can think to question her, so I steer the conversation onto a topic that might actually excite her.
"I was thinking I could start training you to throw kunai today," I tell her. "And Tenten will probably want to see how good you've gotten at shooting, so we could do that as well, if you want."
Hinata manages a smile, then looks to Tenten for confirmation; the brunette nods eagerly.
"I can't wait to fix whatever damage these two have done," she says lightly, patting Neji's shoulder as he scowls. "I'm sure you're an excellent shooter, Hinata, despite your options for teachers."
Hinata chuckles softly into her tea, taking a bite of toast. "I did the best I could with what I had," she agrees, mischief glinting in her eyes.
So we do that first, and Hinata excitedly shows Tenten how well she can shoot.
After half an hour, even Tenten has to admit that Neji and I did a great job, after Hinata shoots another bullseye. She makes a few minor corrections, but apart from that can find no fault in Hinata's instruction. Tenten starts pulling out a few more guns, getting Hinata use to the different weights and recoils and teaches her how to clean and load them. Hinata listens, fascinated, and a few times looks back at me, searching for approval in my eyes.
I make sure not to hide it, realising she learns a lot quicker when I show her my pride.
When we break for lunch, Hinata and Tenten are talking animatedly about firearms, and Tenten is already laying out her plans for what to teach Hinata further. Hinata has that glint of fireworks in her eyes, and Neji and I follow along silently in their wake.
Neji seems bemused, but glad that Hinata appears to have recovered from the previous night's trauma. I close my eyes and hope that it doesn't happen again – I don't think I'll ever forget the sound of her screams.
After lunch, we head back into the training room, where Tenten and I begin teaching Hinata how to throw kunai. They're rather similar to shuriken, so it doesn't take too long for her to get the basics down, but it does take her a few solid hours to get anywhere close to the bullseye.
She never relents, however. I can see the frustration building in the tension around her shoulders and neck, but rather than defeating her, it fuels her. She doesn't stop until it's time for dinner, and I pack the equipment away while she, Neji and Tenten head out to the kitchenette. Hinata gives me a quick smile and a "Thanks, Gaara," before she closes the door, and I return her smile easily.
It takes me a few moments to register how strange such a simple action is for me, and when it does I quickly temper the thought. I'm here to keep Hinata alive, not develop feelings. I finish packing away all of the kunai and head into the kitchenette, and accept my dinner wordlessly.
Hinata spends the rest of the night watching television and reading a book. When she invites me to sit next to her I don't refuse, and ignore the way Tenten's eyebrows shoot into her hairline at the action.
Before she goes to sleep, Neji gives her a cup of tea spiked with a whole sleeping tablet, worry in his eyes.
"Just in case," he whispers to me, fidgeting nervously while Hinata downs the drink. "I don't think either of us can handle a repeat of last night."
"What happened?" I ask, baffled by the sudden swing in violence of Hinata's nightmares. They'd always been bad. Last night was… unprecedented.
"I honestly don't know," he replies as Hinata finishes the drink and heads into her room, wishing us all goodnight. "She told me that the gist of the nightmare was the same. Smoke and screams. But that everything that had made it bad before was dialled up to eleven. Maybe Tenten coming back was a reminder of how serious this situation is. Whatever caused it… hopefully that tablet will be enough to give her a full night's sleep. Uninterrupted."
I glance at him from the corner of my eye, surprised at his desperation. "So you're okay with double dosing her?"
Neji turns narrowed eyes on me. "Okay with it?" he seethes, fists clenching. "You've got to be joking, Sabaku. I'm between a fucking rock and a hard place, here. Either I can allow her to keep having these God-awful nightmares or I can up the dosage of the sleeping tablets. If the Demon doesn't kill her then surely one of those will, in the end. Either she'll be too tired to function or she'll overdose. What would you have me do?" Not waiting for an answer, he storms into Hinata's room, yanking the door closed a bit harder than I suspect he meant to.
The medication doesn't help.
An hour and a half later, Hinata's screams rend through the air like lightning, somehow worse than the night before.
Tenten and I jerk up from where we'd been dozing on the couches, our hair standing on end. The sound slices through my skin, carving through my soul, and I don't know whether to cover my ears or go and help.
Tenten looks like she's going to be sick, half of her leaning towards Hinata's door like she's liable to run in, and the other half is leaning away, like she wants nothing more than to distance herself from Hinata's terror.
"What do we do?" she asks me, her voice thick with desperation.
"What can we do?" I retort, giving up and putting my ears in my hands.
She hasn't stopped screaming. Tenten looks like she's going to cry. And just when I feel like I can't take it anymore, Neji seems to break through whatever trance she's under and her screams quieten into sobs.
Tenten and I don't sleep that night, and if the muffled sounds on the other side of the door are any indication, neither does Neji or Hinata.
We all give up on any attempts at sleep at around six that morning, when Hinata and Neji emerge from the room. The shadows under Hinata's eyes are more pronounced than yesterday, and her hair is a knotted mess in its braid.
Tenten and I force smiles and pretend that nothing is wrong.
While Hinata showers, I sit down with Neji and Tenten.
"I want to try and train her in the style of hand-to-hand that I was taught," I tell them. Neji blinks slowly at me, but doesn't fight so I continue. "It'll give her a bit of variety, which could help with the boredom, and maybe if I can wear her out then she'll manage to fall asleep completely tonight."
Neji shrugs. "We have nothing to lose by it," he says, stifling a yawn. "Go ahead. I'll interfere if it gets too much."
I nod, and when Hinata emerges I tell her of my plan. She agrees listlessly, the fireworks gone from her eyes, but follows me willingly to the training room, Neji and Tenten walking close behind. I'm more disturbed by the loss of that spark than I care to admit. She looks like a phantom, capable of existence, but not of living.
I spend the lesson teaching her to defend herself with Itachi's fighting style in mind. It's slow going, and Hinata often has to ask me to repeat myself. I take her through the steps, slowly, patiently, needing her to learn. She has to survive. She has to live. There has to be meaning in all of this – in all of the death and chaos I've caused. There's no saving me, but I'll take the slim chance that this could save her.
By lunch her movements have become sluggish, and the four of us collectively call a break. Relieved, Hinata walks into the kitchenette with Tenten, while Neji stays behind.
"I haven't seen that style before," he comments, as I take a long drink of water. "Where'd you learn it?"
I feel my stomach drop into my feet for a moment, and take another gulp of water while I think. "Just an amalgamation of shit I've learned over the years," I say, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. "It's kept me alive so far, so it can't be all bad. I'm mostly trying to teach her stuff she wouldn't have learned with aikido. The goal is to wear her out, mostly. If she's so exhausted when she goes to bed tonight, maybe she won't need any medication or have any more nightmares."
Neji nods in contemplative agreement. "I'd like you to teach me that as well," he eventually says, and I can almost feel his pride crumple. "This war is going to happen eventually, whether we want it to or not. It can't hurt to be prepared."
I blink my surprise away. "I don't see why not," I say, and we head to the kitchenette in silence.
After lunch we head back into the training room, where Tenten and I do some more knife-throwing with her. We don't stop until she can barely raise her arms, and when she goes to bed it's with another whole sleeping tablet in her system and her eyelids half closed.
But despite our efforts, it was all for naught.
At a little after midnight, Hinata wakes screaming once again, even more violent than the night before. But there's words mixed in with her screams this time.
"No! No, you're dead! You're dead! Don't touch me, you're dead! You're all dead! Help! Help! Someone help me!"
Tenten doesn't hesitate this time, and flings herself into Hinata's room. As the door opens I catch a glimpse of Hinata thrashing in her bed, sweat shining in the artificial light, blankets tangled like snakes around her legs as Neji tries desperately to placate her. And then the door closes, dulling the screams a little, and I'm shut out.
I feel so fucking useless.
Her screams continue, tearing holes in my ragged nerves, and I squeeze my hands against my ears again, trying desperately to drown it out. But eventually they die down to gut-wrenching sobs, and Neji walks out, phantoms in his pale eyes.
"Tenten's putting her in the shower," he says, his voice hollow. I listen, and can distantly hear the sound of running water over the echoes in my ears. "She thinks she's covered in blood. She thinks we're all dead. She can't tell what's real and what's a nightmare when she wakes up. I don't… I don't know what to do anymore." He puts his head in his hands, and if I didn't know better I would think he's crying. "Tenten's going to stay with her tonight. Maybe she'll be able to help her where I couldn't."
I look at the door, doubtful. Tenten's soothing voice drifts out to me, intermingling with the sounds of falling water and Hinata's quiet weeping. I can try to protect her from Itachi and I can protect her from myself, but apparently I can't keep her safe from her own mind. There's always something trying to destroy her, and no amount of training or encouraging words will protect her from this. I bury my head in my hands, for once feeling utterly helpless.
I'm going on holidays on the 24th, so I'm going to try and get out at least one more chapter before I do so. The next lot of chapters will finally start getting rather GaarHina heavy, and I'm dying to write it.
Thank you for reading, reviews are always welcome and wanted and appreciated :)
All my love,
Alia xoxo
