Chapter 6
Starfire woke groggily from her sleep. Her whole body felt weak and she had a dull headache. Glancing up at the clock, she noted it was early in the morning. Five o'clock early. She gave the clock a disapproving look and sighed. She needed something. Water, food, a shower. Something that would help her feel marginally better. She desperately needed sunlight but the sun wasn't due to rise for another hour. Reluctantly, she removed herself from the covers and made her way barefoot to the door, slipping out and making the journey to the kitchen. No one else was awake, not that she expected them to be, and she was glad for it. She wasn't yet prepared to deal with her friends asking her how she was feeling, because quite frankly, she felt awful. Thanks Robin.
She was still mad at Robin. He knew better than to wake her from a healing sleep. They might be from different planets but he wasn't stupid. She had explained to him exactly why Tamaranians went into a healing sleep, and the consequences of not fulfilling them. She had even gone as far to explain it in terms of expelling energy the way she had done, just so he knew the full details. He, after all, had asked her to divulge such information when she suggested it as an option.
Stalking over to the sink, she filled a glass with water and gulped it down before refilling it. She then ventured to the fridge and, to her delight, found two left over slices of Beast Boys vegetarian pizza. Fortunately, Starfire was rather fond of vegetarian food. It wasn't that she was about to stop eating meat, because she liked that too, but Beast Boy's alternatives didn't actually taste as bad as Cyborg let on. If she was truthful, Cyborg had probably never tasted tofu in his life. But she had no doubt that they would continue to bicker everyday about the issue. Despite her thoughts of her friends, Starfire placed the pizza in the microwave (having been taught by Robin how to use it properly after she nearly blew it up) and watched absently as the pizza spun on the little glass plate.
When it dinged, she took it out and happily munched on it, whilst taking a walk over to the window and looking out on Jump City. She saw her reflection and signed. She looked tired. Drained. Her skin was pale. She had dark circles under her eyes and her hair was slightly messy. Still, she wondered if she might have some sort of control over her starbolts yet. Wolfing down the rest of the slice in her hand, Starfire looked at her hand and clenched her fist. It might not work until she got into the sun, but she could try. And she did. She pushed all her energy into her hand, and as she opened her fingers, a green light formed. She stared at it, looking for a sign. The starbolt wasn't pulsing. It was just a solid ball of green energy, and she had control over it. She tried with the other hand and was delighted to see the same thing. A grin erupted on her face. Soon she would be free of Slade. Soon everything he had done would be reversed. And Starfire hadn't felt quite so excited in a long time. That and she could quite confidently justify to Robin that going over his authority and doing it anyway, was a good idea.
"I see that it worked for you. Congratulations."
Starfire's starbolts fizzled out as the voice met her ears, she turned to the screen and found herself looking at Batman. She smiled gently. "Yes, other than recovery taking longer than I had anticipated, my energy levels should be back to normal in a few days. I had concerns over controlling my starbolts, however they seem to be fine, but I shall conduct a few tests over the next few days."
"Let me know how it goes. I don't suppose Robin let it go lightly, he was in a foul mood when I last saw him, and I wasn't surprised to find he was gone when I got back."
"Robin awoke me from my healing sleep, we had a discussion but I did the cutting short of it, I was far too tired and angry to converse with him."
"He'll get over it. Anyway, the reason I called was because I tried to contact you personally but you didn't answer, figured I'd take a shot in the dark and try the main computer. I need some information from you."
"Regarding Slade?"
"Yes, I've gotten all the information from Jason that I can, and obviously you've told us everything that you remember, but I'm still trying to figure out Slade's probes. The technology is advanced even by my standards, and i need to know if you remember anything significant from when he shot you, to when you woke up in that crater. Only because, the League have figured out how he used it to control you, but there's no sign of them being able to tamper with your memory. From what we can tell, they're not capable of brainwashing you. If that's the case, there might be a way to get your memory back, providing that the theory we have of an amnesiac effect reign true."
Starfire frowned... Getting memory of her time with Slade back was a grey area for her. On the plus side, she would finally know how Slade had managed to get her energy so high, since no one had yet figured it out, yet on the down side, she would remember attacking her friends. She supposed though, the positives outweighed the negatives, even if that meant finding out something she wished not to know. That, and it would help the League and the Titans to know more about Slade and how he worked. She thought hard.
"I remember feeling dizzy. Raven had come to collect me, and healed my wounds where Slade had shot me. I joined Robin, and we met up with Red X before coming back to the Tower. Jason had told us everything and then I went to get a shower. When I got back I needed a drink and as I reached for a glass, my head started to hurt and I dropped it. Robin helped me to sit down and I felt cold. He said I was cold to touch, but it is very rare for Tamaranians to be bothered by temperature. Earth temperatures are not very extreme. Anyway, Cyborg contacted us saying they needed help. We joined in the fight with Plasmus, and I struggled with a headache. I ended up throwing up twice, but before I could rest, we had a robbery to stop. I remember the headache intensifying and I... Wait, I remember seeing Slade. He was there. I felt uneasy, like I was being watched and I saw him stood atop a building, he stared at me for a while and then walked away. I lost control of my flight not long after and found myself being caught by Robin. At some point between then and getting home, I must have fallen asleep, as the next thing I remember, I was waking up in a crater with Robin crouching over me."
Batman mulled over the information, typing some stuff as she said it. He looked back at her, his expression unreadable as usual. "Thank you. Whatever it is we'll find out. If Slade felt the need to watch as the probes took over, then he didn't have full confidence that they would work. As to why they made you ill, I will look into it. When I know something, you'll know something. Also, keep that device I gave you on your person at all times. I might need information from you, but I'll be patient enough to let you get away from Robin if that's what you wish."
"I do not wish to keep secrets from him, but I cannot fully trust him with this. He is too quick to come to a decision. Besides, you were correct. He is too close to the situation, and it is inhibiting."
"He loves you."
"While I am certain you are correct again, I do not care much for his feelings if he will say and do horrible things purely because he believes it is best."
"Try not to be too hard on him Starfire. When Robin left Gotham, there was debate between us for a long time. I told everyone he quit, and he told everyone that I fired him. Both statements are true, but for a long time, neither of us wanted to look like the bad guy. Alfred tried to tell him that I did what I did because I cared, but he wouldn't listen. To tell you the truth, Alfred is rarely wrong. I told him to stop being Robin because he got shot, and it scared me. There were other factors, he didn't agree with the way I interrogated criminals, and other things, but that was the main one. I wanted him to stay cooped up at home where no one could hurt him. Now I see, him leaving, was probably the best thing he could have done. I worry about him. Everyday. But he knows what he's doing, and with you lot by his side, he's doing a good job. The point I'm trying to make, is that despite our differences, Dick and I are very similar. He's doing to you what I did to him. Protecting you, but going the wrong way about it. It would be like telling a race car driver never to drive again because they have an accident. You take away what they love, and they resent you for it."
"I see your point, and it is touching to hear you say such things when I have heard Robin's side only, but I cannot yet excuse what he did. He said he sees Slade in me. How can he love me?"
"I understand your frustration, really I do. And don't think for a second that I think it was okay for him to do that, I just wanted to let you know why he's been acting the way he has. Unfortunately, we might not be blood, but he's picked up a fair few traits of mine. Anyway, I'm going to call you in a few days if not before to arrange your specific appointment time with the surgeon. I have to go, but call me if you need anything. Goodbye Starfire."
"Goodbye Batman." The console turned black and Starfire went over to sit on the sofa, running over what Batman had said about Robin. Honestly yes, she could see why he acted the way he did. Why he told her she couldn't do the energy expulsion. But she stood by what she said. That didn't excuse what he said to that girl. She sighed and leant back against the sofa. Hopefully this whole horrid situation would be over soon and she could return to a normal life.
After coming back from Tokyo and having Robin end their relationship, only for it to be reformed halfway through Slade's comeback, it was being shattered again. All she wanted for the longest time was to be something more with Robin, and it seemed like they wouldn't have the perfect relationship she had dreamed it would be. She loved him, of that she had no doubt. Did she trust him? With her life. But she truly believed that he hated her. What other word could she use to describe it? He hated Slade with every fiver of his being, and to Robin, Starfire was practically a part of Slade. She haunted his nightmares just as Slade had.
Perhaps when the scar was removed, Robin's nightmares would go away. But then what if they didn't? There was an uncertainty about it that Starfire couldn't shake. A small part of her believed that the dynamic her and Robin shared had truly been lost, and they wouldn't ever be able to fall into it again. That was part of the reason she hadn't answered Robin the previous evening. Were they breaking up? Was she ending it? Perhaps she should, that would make his life easier. But then, she couldn't lie, she would be truly heartbroken.
"Star?" The voice was quiet, raspy. It was in fear of breaking. Starfire turned to see Robin in the doorway, unsure as to whether he should step into the room. "I went to the bathroom as saw the light on. Sorry if I'm interrupting anything... Are you okay?" She knew, that he knew he wasn't interrupting anything, he was just being polite.
"I am fine. I came to get a drink and something to eat. I will be returning to bed shortly."
"Oh okay, well as long as you're okay... I..." He hesitated, she saw the uncertainty on his face as he looked at her. "You know..." He flicked off the lights and entered the room, walking towards her. "Sometimes, if I wake during the night. I come in here, and I don't turn the lights on. Just so I can see the lights of the city." He held his hand out to her as he reached where she was sat and she reluctantly took it, confused by his sudden change. He helped her to her feet, and walked her over to the window. They looked out over the city together. "When I look out over the city, and I think of all the people who are still awake, doing night jobs, or who just can't sleep, or whatever. It makes me happy, to know that they can do what they're doing in the dark, because they know we're here to protect them."
"Robin, why are you telling me this?"
"Everyone needs someone they can count on in their darkest times Star, and I thought that I was your someone, but I haven't been. You were the only one who believed in me when Slade blackmailed me, but for some reason, I haven't been able to do the same for you. I did some thinking after I left last night, and I realised that I can't keep things from you, no matter how much they may hurt at the time, because it gets worse if I lie about it."
"So, there is something you wish to tell me?" She watched as he sighed and ran his hand through his hair.
"There is... I understand if you hate me for keeping it from you, but try to realise that I didn't know how to tell you. Knowing what I know, I didn't know how I could tell you."
"Robin what...?"
"Star, I know how Slade made you so powerful." He cringed as she gasped and stepped away from him.
"But you said..."
"I know, I lied. You were already so upset, and I didn't know how you would take it. I'm sorry, I thought it was for the best."
"How...? Robin, what did he do to me?" She stared at him, her eyes frightened as she realised that she didn't want to know the answer, but needing to at the same time. Robin looked to the floor, and then back up at her.
"Star... When the League raided Slade's hideouts after he was put into ICU, they found that he had taped some of your training sessions and such, we assumed it was so he could go over them and review your weak points, but they found another one... It was... I don't... There..."
"Robin!" She snapped at him, frustrated with his babbling.
"Slade injected you with raw solar energy."
Her head jerked as if she'd been slapped. Her eyes betrayed her horror and her hands were shaking. Robin stepped towards her and grabbed her upper arms, both to comfort her and steady her. "I'm sorry Star, I shouldn't have lied about knowing but now can you see why I did?"
"Show me."
He blanched, his own eyes going wide. "What?"
"I wish to see."
"Star, I don't think..."
"I need to. Robin please." She pleaded with him, her own hands gripping his forearms, probably to steady herself. He wanted to say no, but she wasn't going to take it for an answer.
"Okay..." He sighed and moved away from her, going over to the console. He typed in some stuff and clicked on a file before a video began to play on the screen. Starfire saw herself clamped to a metal table, tubes or wires - she wasn't sure which - going into her skin in different places. Arms, legs, sides, two in her neck. She was surprisingly still, but she reminded herself it was because at that point, she was under Slade's control. There was no sound, but Starfire could see herself screaming as Slade pulled a lever on some kind of machine. A green light started to emit from her hands and her eyes lit up as the light spread over her body. She writhed and twitched but the clamps were holding strong, which was a surprise to everybody. There weren't many materials in the known world that could hold Starfire.
The video cut off, and Robin shut down the screen before turning to Starfire who was visibly trembling. He went to her and enveloped her frame in a hug, her hands trapped against his chest. "I'm so sorry. I promised I'd protect you and I failed you. I never wanted anything like this to happen to you ever again, and it happened regardless. I'm going to be better, I promise. No more lies, no more stupidity. I'm more than just your leader and I need to start acting like it. There's a line to be drawn, but it's okay to blur it sometimes, I see that now." He placed a gentle kiss on her temple, and felt her arms push out from his chest, wrapping around his torso. She started to shake and he realised she was crying. He responded by tightening his grip. "I know this doesn't make everything better, and I know that things won't just go back to normal. I'm probably still going to have nightmares and you still can't fly. But I can promise that we can work through it. If you'll let me help you. I'm tired of fighting against you. From now on, we do things your way."
Starfire pulled back enough to look at his face, his eyes showing how sincere he was being. "You promise you do not hate me?" More tears leaked from her eyes. Robin brought a hand up to stroke her hair.
"I don't hate you Star. I promise. I never did. I never could. I just... I'm having a hard time letting go of what happened. Slade's been haunting me for so long, it's difficult for me to believe that he's been caught, and that he can't do anything. I'm sorry I said those things to Babs about you, I just needed to let it out and I didn't want to hurt you by saying it to you. I don't hate you. What I hate is the thought that Slade could rip us apart. I don't want what he did to come between us, despite me sorta letting that happen, it's not going to continue. I love you."
It didn't make everything better, and they both knew that, but he was trying and she could see that. He was going to be true to his word this time, and she honestly believed him. Maybe it was the sincerity in his eyes, or maybe it was the straight forward tone of his voice, but he had realised his mistakes and he was correcting them. Everyone was entitled to try and make up for what they did, right? She softened in his grip and placed her head on his chest, his hand retaking its position on her back.
"I love you, Robin."
