Holy Hell, I am so sorry that this chapter took so long! I want to apologize if this chapter is horrible because I was having a lot of dificiulty and I'm going to unofficially call this chapter ' the chapter from hell'. I am so sorry if this chapter is not appealing I couldn't stand working on this chapter any longer So Here it is! I wont promise that there wont be more chapters like this but I will apologize for the hellish time period it takes to work them! Please enjoy what you can of this chapter and bear with me as I produce more chapters.
Living with schizophrenia can be a living hell. I was reminded of this as I walk home.
' God did you see that man? He was going to hurt us!'
' No duh sherlock.' I mentally replied.
' Did you see how beefy that guy was?'
' That man was not beefy.' I force myself to mentally say. I remember the man being taller than me by a good foot and a half and wearing a white robe like shirt. The way he had held my arm in his grip was something that has been plaguing my mind.
In fact the whole ordeal with that gang could have done to me and what they were trying to do was plaguing me. And yet my voices and/or personalities seemed pretty fine with what happened.
' Not the bad guy! The cat meat seller!'
" It's the dog meat seller that was heavy, not the cat seller." I mutter under my breath.
' Yea that guy was fat!' I couldn't believe this voice. How could they forget our own situation?
" If you haven't noticed we're kind of fat too."
' Not as big as that lub of lard.' Another voice says this who was feminine, serious sounding, and had a semi deep voice for a woman. I had to force my own thoughts to ring through the fog of mental static that has been forming in my mind.
' Its 'tub of lard' and that is very rude.' I navigated through the crowd trying to look like a normal person.
" Having schizophrenia sucks…" I say quietly to myself.
' What would you do without me?' A particularly perky female voice said this within my mind. At this I can't help but think there was sadistic sarcasm within her words.
' Us,' I heard Sakura say, ' There's more than one person in here.'
' Actually you should say 'we' because that sounds better.' I furrow my brow and say quietly.
" No it doesn't."
' How can you tell the difference between the voices and your personalities?' One voice asked me out of the blew. I naturally answer with honesty though I answer it under my breath as I was about to pass people closer than what I had been.
" I actually don't know the difference between the two…" The looks I get from the people are the same curious looks that one would get from sticking out like a sore thumb. I couldn't blame them for those looks, I mean, I do look pretty outlandish.
' So then you can't tell the difference from say: this voice," I hear a deep masculine kind of voice. "to say, this voice." The second one was soft and feminine.
' I can tell the difference between male and female voices for the most part.' I say within my mind as I pass another crowd of people.
" I just have a hard time telling the difference between same sounding voices. Like with Hinata and Nodoka, they sound almost exactly alike to me." I mutter quietly on my breath.
I've almost reached the street where the Hokage's office when I feel a surge of pressure within my mind and I cannot help but be at the mercy of my mind's ramblings. It doesn't hurt; but I start to stagger a little bit as I walk. I'm no longer sensitive to the heat and my mind becomes shot.
All I could do was walk around the Hokage building; walking past five other roads that lead away from the Hokage building down into other various districts that I for one do not care to think about.
This is how I am as I finally reach the end of the road where the Hokage's office stood. I walk the dirt street around the building passing the first five other streets I could take. I turn onto the sixth street, that is the farthest to the left and also the closest to the protective wall and there were some brown apartment buildings.
" God I wish there were cars." I mutter as I again notice the summer heat.
' You don't wish that; cars are bad.' I hear the voice Sakura say in my mind.
" Yea I know cars are bad; but still. At least I could be home in five minutes! I could be in air conditioning! I could be crashing it into things with my bad driving skills!"
' You could be gaining all that weight back that you've been losing.' she pointed out.
" Oh hush! I know, I know." After I say that I couldn't help but frown and ask
" Since when have I been losing weight?"
' After you've been starving yourself for a week.'
" I didn't do that on purpose." I mutter as I pass some people. As they moved away from me I returned to my softer voice.
" I didn't have a choice in the matter."
' Yea and you've been losing weight because of it.' I pull the bottom of my shirt outwards for a second for observation.
" I couldn't have lost a lot of weight within a week."
' But think about all of the exercise you've been doing this week.' With that thought I couldn't deny what Sakura was saying.
My pants were getting hard to fit over my hips because of how baggy they were getting. Even when I had been putting the jeans over my belly that was harder and harder to do every day. Less problems were coming from my shirt besides the occasional stares I get from children and looks I got from adults. Before this moment it had been easy to ignore the changes but now I was beginning to see that I was becoming a different person. Lightly, I could see the steps being made to change me into a different person that was no different from a plot within a story.
" Lord what are you doing?" I say as I look up at the sky. I feel within this moment a sudden sense of clarity; that this situation was not only a development of character but also an event that was preparing me for something much important.
However, much I believed this in my moment of clarity; moments later I couldn't help be a slight bit critical of my thoughts.
" Preparation from god? Maybe I'm losing my mind." I say quietly to myself.
' But,' a voice spoke ' Isn't believing that better than believing someone is putting you through hell because they can?' I agree with the voice but I do not project it; preferring that it was just a raw and speedy reply and not a fully projected thought. As much as I liked to think during these days that a writer from some other world was putting me through hell I tried not to let it control my belief over god having control over my life. Even so, it was still a very tempting thought process to explore and during this time of a bodily famine, my own fasting, it came to my mind a lot.
So as I walk home pass the different apartment buildings and house buildings I have lost much of my ability to fight back the insistence my mind made to play different voices from my childhood such as old show character words or scenes from shows and whatnot. Of course when that had started I decided to just concentrate on getting home and let my hold on my sanity wane for the few minutes that I had to walk home.
And so, I walked past more than a few streets, long blocks and tall buildings. I think there was about twelve different streets. All I can really say is that there was a lot more then I cared to count. Despite the vast diversity of Konoha's city like environment I found my way back home with little difficulty only because I remembered the locations area.
There was no real way for me to memorize the signs since I couldn't read it and I have a hard time remembering street names. I lived next to my high school and for the short time I've lived there I did not remember my address at all. All I could tell you was " Eh its right by the high school." or " Its practically right next to the high school, you remember the green house on this street? Yea that's where I live." Definitely does not help when you are trying to take important quizzes for your school or even trying to fill out an application for a college and you can only remember the last address which you had taken five years of living there to remember.
In any case I found to the end of the road and I can only look in wonder as I realize that I had walked straight pass my apartment building.
" How the hell? I was sure…" I looked back and saw the apartment five streets away and I can only grumble as I say.
" Really Sam? Really? Jeeze." I turn around and walk back up the street. The fact that I could see my apartment building from where I was amazed me because right next to it is one of the biggest buildings I've seen thus far in my time being here. It was stories apon stories tall and I couldn't help but wonder
" What the hell do they use that for?"
' They probably use that for business.' The voice Sakura replies in my mind. I furrow my eye brows and proceed to beat down that theory.
" No they don't! They don't have businesses for places that big here! I should know I watched the whole show up to the beginnings of Shibuden."
' How would you know that Samantha? You've never lived here. How would you know what happens with business here?'
" I just know!"
' Oh like that's valid credentials! Face it Sam, you know nothing about this place.'
" Hey I know some things."
' Yea like what?' Try as I might I find myself beating down every comeback as she has a point. I truthfully knew nothing of this place. And as I was about to let her win that argument I thankfully remember something that just happened today.
" Genjutsu actually exists." boy did that turn her wheel! She says
' and what else?'
" You can actually create living clones, like shadow clones are real man. So I know some things!"
' But you don't know a lot.'
" Yea and? That doesn't mean I can't theorize what's here and what's not here ya know." I furrowed my brow again and asked.
" Why are you against me?" I could almost hear an audible sigh.
' I'm not against you Sam, I'm just trying to help you not make assumptions.' As she says this I feel myself defense deflate and I can't help but apologize
" Jeez I'm sorry."
She smiles within my mind and I hear.
' Its ok Sam.'
Thankfully as this conversation was going on I did not meet anyone else on the road so I did not make myself look like a crazy person to anyone. The walk back up to my apartment was mostly silent as I found myself being self berating and trying not to pass my apartment again. It did not stop me from panicking. I couldn't help but think I went down the wrong road or I had actually got myself lost in the city.
To my relief I really do find my apartment five streets back like I thought it was. By now I'm ready to just soak in a cold bath because I'm overheated and not only am I thirsty my bladder is telling me to run to the bathroom.
So I curse as I go up the stairs and find myself getting frustrated as I try to open my door.
" Hey how's it going?" I hear as I enter the home.
" Bathroom." I don't even stop to say hi to the Hallucination Sakura I go straight to the bathroom. And while I could hear some sort of reply It did not matter as the relief my bladder demanded. Of course once I was out of the bathroom. I was much better equipped to speak to her.
" So I'm better now." I turn back to the living room where I last saw her.
" Hi, I'm sorry about that."
' No it fine. How are you doing Samantha?'
" I'm dying of a heat stroke and I'm pretty sure my stuff is about to die from being in the heat too long. But otherwise I'm doing fantastic!" I give one of my cheeky smiles, which is me smiling widely and exaggerating my happy look on my face, and I gave a quick thumbs up.
I quickly go grab my backpack and take it into the kitchen. Despite her attempt I could only hear incoherent sound from her as I did this.
' Did you hear what I say Sam?'
" No I didn't I wasn't paying attention."
' How did it go while you were shopping.' by this time I'm surprised by the clarity I was able to hear her as I have had a tendancy to disbelieve the words were actually hers or anyone elses for that matter. The reason being as I would litterally answer for them instead of letting them answer. While I knew this was bizarre and completely out of the bounds of logic I could not mentally change what my subconscious has deemed normal. So while I struggled to keep some sanity it was a very hard battle and it hasn't been a full week yet.
" The shopping trip went pretty good. I got some fruit and veggies to try out and some seasonings. I got salt and pepper…I did get some eggs and a good five pound bag of rice. I met this lady who saved my ass from these thugs that cornered me."
' You got mugged?' The hallucination Sakura sounded pretty shocked.
" Well I was about to get mugged and this girl who used a Genjutsu when we first met saved my ass and wants to be my friend. I think her name was Myuzaki something or another I don't know. I'm ok, and she's going to come visit me later. However the hell she's going to do that is beyond me." I pulled out the eggs and the rice bag and place them on the counter.
' you know that's dangerous right?' I heard a soft slightly high pitched voice of either Nodoka or Hinata. I couldn't tell but I still answer to her question. I go to put the eggs in the fridge I have as I reply.
" What, having a stranger want to be my friend after saving my life? I need friends where I can get them." There was of course protest from them and myself in my head and I defended myself saying.
" I'm weary about this too ok? But I don't have much of a choice right now." I hear a knock on the door and I mutter.
" Who could that be?" As I walked over to the door I was hit with a sudden fit of dread and fear that made me falter. ' What if it's people the Hokage sent to take me to an asylum?' that fearful thought froze me as I was about to open the door. I stand there with my hand just a few inches from the door knob. I stand there helpless in my fear until I hear another series of knocks on the door. Suddenly my fear is gone and I become someone else. I open the door and see a flash of two hulking men taking me into custody to the asylum. I instead open the door to see my neighbors; the old lady Mitoko and the middle aged woman who's name slips my mind. I couldn't help but feel nervous.
" Samantha, we need to talk to you."
" Oh ok, come in." I open the door to them and both of them refused saying.
" No, thank you but it will only take a moment." The older woman of the two furrowed her brow and I found reason to fear the worst.
" We've been hearing you yelling early in the morning since you've got here and would like for that to stop." I felt very sheepish and apologized. ' I guess it wasn't in my head.'
" I'm sorry about that. I haven't meant to wake anybody up." The older lady continues.
" I hope you are aware that there are people who hunt down others like yourself and take it to personal extremes." I blinked my eyes and asked worried.
" What do you mean?"
" I think that this would be better taken inside." I open my home to them and close the door behind them.
" Listen Samantha, we normally never tell people about how Asami has other people inside her. It was a miss comunication on our spot because we had never expected someone to be so open about it." I suddenly remember hesitantly that the other woman was named Naomi.
" We really need you to keep it a secret."
" Ok, is there something your not telling me?" At this point I could not explain my own words even if I had wanted to.
" There are a group of people who think people like our Asami are defective and there for need to be punished or in this case torchered to gain their sanity back."
" Oh my god, you serious?"
" They call themselves Uguisu Tankyu-sha." I was confused with the sudden lack of translation and couldn't help but want to ask its meaning but refrained.
" So what do they do?"
" We only know rumors of the group but we do know they seek to take people with difficulties like yours or Asami and they usually never return." This did frighten me a lot more than I could comprehend.
" So what should I do?"
" How many people have you told about your mental state?"
" Only the Hokage and," The younger woman burst with disbelief.
" You told the Hokage? How did this happen."
" Well I," Mitoko put out a hand to stop me.
" It does not matter, what matters now is you keep your disorders to yourself. Don't trust anyone that you know with the information. Sometimes people who say are your friends turn out to be your worst enemy.
" I believe that full heartedly; but isn't there something being done about this Organization?"
" Not that we know of. So it is best to take extreme caution." I nod and ask.
" Thank you. If you don't mind me asking; why did you warn me about these people? I don't mean to be rude but we don't exactly see eye to eye." Matoko's eyes slowly closed and she took a deep breath.
" We are not as harsh as you think we are. And we are not so short sighted as to leave loose ends to lead to Asami. However we have been listening to your chatter and became worried that you would bring the Uguisu Tankyu-sha apon our door."
" Oh. I'm sorry. If I had known…" Naomi pipped right up.
" Oh don't be sorry! If you had known we wouldn't have this conversation!" Despite being cheerful sounding I found myself shrinking back into a guilt tripping mind state.
" Now that you know, you would do best to keep your chatter to a quieter level. Or perhaps its best to not chatter at all." At that moment I found myself thinking there was something fishy with her words. ' She's using the fear tactic to get what she wants.' Believe it or not however much I wanted to deny her words right there I could not for the fact that she may not have been lying.
" Before you go, could you tell me what that group's name means?" Naomi answers.
" Uguisu is a bird that lives around here during the summer but you never really see it. And Tankyu-sha is the word for 'seeker'."
So we say our goodbyes to each other and I go back to putting my food in the fridge and my other supplies in the cupboards; Such as bowls and plates as well as my garbage bags and other supplies. I did not get very much of anything so I still only had enough food to last me a few days or longer. I'm not actually sure if I am guessing the right time.
In any case after I had put the food away I ended up cooking an omelet and enjoyed eating a somewhat nice little meal. After that I once again put myself to training my body for the upcoming life of training to become a Shinobi. Even when I motivated myself with the fear of danger I could not help my glee that I was really going to learn how to fight and be like the noble Shinobi of this village even when I knew that their life was far from noble most of the time.
Inspite of this the training put me into a better mood. Or perhaps it was the food? Whatever the case I trained in that living room until another knock issued on my door. When I opened it Naruto stood there asking me to go to the park with him again. I went to the park with him and learned that lots of children and adults would quietly remove themselves from his presence. Either by the childrens parents or their own accord I learned that Naruto really was alone if even the children would not socialize with him. So I ended up encouraging him that he would find people who would become his friends and that there were people who would support him. I also encouraged him to continue his dream even when I knew it was the luck of the draw if he did end up doing so. Seeing the potential future had plagued me with potential dangers that would occur and could only pray he does what he wants in his heart as this world was not the same as the show or books.
Lastly when I came home I found the same teenager girl who I was reminded was Myuzaki Kiwikawa. At the sight of my apartment she dragged me out to do some furniture shopping and found me some furniture Like the american tables and chairs ( they were not actually american but they were like it) she even found me a futon, a bed stand and some hangers for my closet. By the time we managed to bring everything we bought back to the apartment the sun was beginning to set.
We ended up sitting in the chairs I had bought and we both gave off exhausted sighs.
" Thanks so much for helping me move this stuff in here." I told Myuzaki she gave me a smile and dismissed my words with a hand.
" Its no problem. Having me help you out is what being friends is all about."
" So tell me about yourself Myuzaki." She looks at me with her smile and replies.
" You can just call me Myu." I gave a quick ok and she places her hands behind her head.
" Well I was born April 23 in the first reign of the Third Hokage. I'm fifteen years old. I'm a Chunin right now. I really like to train and help other people on my free time." She looks to me.
" So tell me about yourself."
" Well I was born on the 17 of January. But I don't exactly understand your guy's way of telling time so I couldn't tell you what year I was born."
" Ah its ok its just a way to keep history in context. When I say the first reign of the Third Hokage I mean I was born while the Third Hokage ruled we don't actually have years in our particular calendar because not all of the countries have been equal with us long enough to form a form of keeping track of history we all agree on. So it just makes it easier for people living in our country to record history."
" Oh, that's cool. Anyway I'm eighteen years old, I'm applying to the academy so I can at least learn to read. A lot of the time I write stories and have been attempting to practice what I know for fighting these last few days."
" So your really not a fighter huh?"
" Yea I don't normally like hurting people but I do enjoy the thrill of a fight once in awhile."
" Well looks like we're going to have to spar some time."
" You'd probably kick my ass in a heartbeat."
" Now don't put yourself down like that. If your really trying to become a Shinobi you need to have more confidence! Be proud in your abilities!" I feel shock in my body from her words since the worst critique one has is actually ones self. I try to hide this shock and correct my words.
" Sorry its really hard for me to be confident in myself when I'm like this." I gesture to my whole body and her face begins to frown.
" I hardly see what you mean when you do that."
" I'm a heavy weight person and where I come from being heavy weight is a bad thing." Stereotypically speaking I am right. I've suffered confidence issues because I'm not like the skinny woman and always seemed to be second best or the loser's choice.
" That may be offensive where your from. But here if you can afford to be heavy your living the life. Now that isn't saying living with a heavy weight is necessarily a good thing when being a Shinobi. And I'm not necessarily saying it's a bad thing." I couldn't help but feel my all ready wavering self esteme drop.
" I do know that if you really want to have a figure like mine you really need to train a lot." Having said that lights went on in my mind.
" Could you let me train with you?" She faltered a moment in her words; but she began to smile.
" Well you can train with me, but I'm not allowed to teach you anything." I tilted my head to my left with confusion.
" Why not?"
" Unless I've been trained to handle Civilian Training I cannot officially teach you how to be a Shinobi or any techniques that I know unless you become a Shinobi." I nod and smile.
" Well I don't want you to get in trouble. I just wanted someone to help me train like cardio, strength training, stuff like that."
" Well I can do that at the very least. Anything else is strictly forbidden for me to teach until you become a genin or I'm actually am qualified to train you."
" Thanks, really appreciate it!"
" We can start tomorrow if you'd like."
" What is tomorrow?"
" Tomorrow is Saturday."
" Ok, I have somewhere to go on Monday morning; but yea I can do Saturday morning. Just don't expect me to excel at first."
" Oh no worries I know you'll have a hard time keeping up with me so don't sweat it." I was unsure whether to feel insulted or grateful that she understood my physical limitations. The words of my neighbor came to mind and I couldn't help but ask her about it.
" I heard of this organization that takes people with mental troubles from families, I think. Can you tell me anything about that?" She furrows her brow and once again removes her hands from her lap and places them behind her head in what I think is her thoughtful gesture.
" Um…Well I don't know a lot. I have heard that there was a organization like that but the hokage hasn't given any intel on whether its good or bad or intel for missions that matter. That isn't to say he hasn't sent people to investigate it." I can't help but think that it didn't help me much, but the fact that she had heard about such an organization worries me. What would happen should I find myself entangled with this Organization?
" So what's got you worried about this organization?" Despite my conflict with lying I created one pretty easy.
" Oh there's someone I know with a mental disability and I was worried about them that's all." Myuzaki tilted her head and asked.
" Oh really? What's the disorder called?"
" Well, in my country, we call it schizophrenia. Its basically hearing voices and having halusinations." She looked positively surpized.
" Well we call it Seishin Bunretsu Byo/ Mind split disease." I swear as she said the name I could hear two spoken terms being said at the same time. The first I didn't understand but the second set of words I understood.
I do not mention anything of that weird occurrence to Myuzaki. I simply have her repeat herself to confirm what I heard. Then I have her go home as we were both beat. I simply eat a piece of fruit and send myself to my new futon.
As I did this the visual hallucinations of Sakura and Nodoka ended up asking if they could sleep on my futon with me. Having a heart I tell them they can which has a lot of technically unused space on my futon. And as I lay there falling asleep in the dark of my room I find myself thinking on Myuzaki's words for training and Asami's grandmother's words of the Organization.
I could only pray that time came for me to get my confirmation on my acceptance to the academy on Monday.
