Chapter 33
Starfire was unaware she was awake when her eyes first fluttered open. After a few gentle blinks, she scrunched her face up as she came around. As it was, she had been moving in her sleep for the last couple of hours as the painkillers wore off, not that she knew that. Lifting one hand, that got tangled in the cloth that was covering her, she pushed her blanket off. Cognitive thought was avoiding her at the moment and confusion set in. That was, before she realised just how uncomfortable she felt. Her body felt heavy and she ached as though she had been doing an intense workout. Her chest felt tight and there was a pain there that she couldn't identify.
What had happened? She brought a hand to her forehead as she shifted her body, trying to get comfortable. A groan escaped her as she finally opened her eyes and she was met with darkness. The confusion stayed as she lay there, trying to gain control over her body. Little twitches of her muscles determining if there was any damage and chasing the remains of her sleep away. She had already determined though, that this wasn't a normal sleep she was waking from. She remembered feeling like this before. Or did she? She was certain she had felt like this before, but when had that been?
Coming around a little more, she was aware of the pain in her abdomen and chest, which felt like it was getting worse the more she woke. No, it probably felt bad anyway, but she hadn't registered the pain as being there at first. With a groan, she moved a hand to her stomach, trying to clutch at the pain which couldn't be reached. It was, after a few moments, the intense desire to clear her throat of whatever was clogging it that finally forced her to sit up. Rather violently, Starfire flew upright, before turning to a side and coughing up over the edge of the bed. She felt a rather shocking amount of liquid pass through her lips as she fought to catch her breath. Bringing a hand up to her face she wiped a rather dark and thick substance from her mouth before sitting back, breathing heavily to steady herself.
Even in the darkness she could see it was blood.
After spending a few moments composing herself, she sat up again, and really took in her surroundings. Squinting in the darkness, she realised she was in what seemed to be a glass box. But why? What had happened? Had she been captured by someone? Wait… Starfire closed her eyes, trying to grasp at the memories that wouldn't quite come.
Robin…
There was a faint image of Robin's face looking down on her. Someone in red stood nearby. And then it goes black. But what of before that?
I know this morning was difficult, Star… I don't care that you lied, Star. Really I don't.
You've just gotta stay awake, okay?
Awake… Did she fall asleep when she shouldn't have? Why shouldn't she have fallen asleep? What would have happened if she did?
You're not leaving with her, Slade. Not this time.
I can't win an honourable fight against Starfire.
Of course I cheated. I wouldn't have won if I hadn't.
Starfire blinked her eyes open, her eyebrows knotting together as the memories came flooding back. Gently, she brought her hand up to the collar of the black shirt she was wearing and pulled it down from her collarbone. Her other hand came up to gently run her fingers over the scar that was there. It wasn't the worst scar she had, though bitterly she realised why as she remembered that Slade had branded her, but it was noticeable. She could feel it, almost like a cross where the two blades had met in her shoulder. She released the shirt like it had burned her.
Okay, so, she had lost consciousness as Beast Boy tried to help keep her from Slade, and she vaguely remembered Raven being there. Had Raven healed her? She was certainly healed in terms of the wound from the swords. But then why was she in this enclosed space? Had Slade gotten to her and he was keeping her here? There were too many questions building in her mind and despite the overwhelming pain her body was giving off, she needed to know what had happened.
Starfire swung her legs over the side of the bed and pulled herself around so she was sitting off of the edge of it. Her hand fell on the blanket that she had pushed off when she first woke, but it didn't feel as soft as she expected. Pulling it round onto her lap, she immediately recognised the black and yellow. Robin's cape. There was a sense of relief that washed over her as she realised what it was. Robin had put his cape over her while she slept, at least she thinks he did. That was a sign that she was more likely in good hands than bad ones. She pulled the material up to her face, breathing in his scent. It relaxed her more than she thought it would, almost as though she had been missing him for a while and having this article helped her.
But if Robin's cape was here, then where was Robin? Still with the cape in her hand, Starfire shuffled off of the bed. Her knees were a little weak, but she didn't fall, which was positive. Though the pain in her abdomen got slightly worse, she gritted her teeth through it and moved over to one of the glass walls. Peering out, it was still dark, but she could make out a few things. She seemed to be in a room that had very dim lights around the walls of it. Almost like the emergency lights that would come on when the power at Titans Tower was cut. Dim enough that she couldn't make out anything in the room, but she could make out that the walls were about fifteen feet away on every side of this strange glass box.
"Robin?" Her voice was hoarse and quiet, and she could still feel the thickness of the blood in her throat. She desperately wished for a glass of water to clear it out. With a sigh, she looked around a little more, trying to see if she could determine anything, but there wasn't anything to see. With a frustrated growl, she banged her fist on the glass, but found it hurt her hand more than anything.
That was strange. That shouldn't have hurt. As she shook her hand out, she looked at it as if it had offended her, and then she paused. Her thoughts jumped around as she tried to make sense of everything. The last time she had been in a position where something simple like that had hurt was… when she had impaled Slade with a bo staff. Superman had put an inhibitor collar on her to prevent her from hurting him further. With a shaky hand, she felt for her neck, and sure enough, there sat a collar. She let out a breath and slumped her shoulders.
It had happened again. Slade had gotten to her again. They used the collar to stop her from hurting anyone… again. Starfire didn't know at that moment if she wanted to cry or lash out in anger. Probably both. So it was probably a good job that she was interrupted by the lights coming on.
She squinted in the sudden brightness, her eyes adjusting slowly. She looked up into the room beyond the box and a flash of recognition washed over her. This was the training room. But not the one at the Tower. This was the training room from the Batcave. So she was in Gotham? But why?
"Starfire?"
The voice came gently from behind her, but it made her heart leap. Whipping round she was met with Robin. He was standing in normal clothes, maskless, his arms hanging loosely by his side. She wasn't sure how he had gotten so close to the glass without her noticing, but he was The Boy Wonder after all. With a smile she moved over to stand opposite him, and to her utter shock, he stepped back from her, his blue eyes almost pleading with her. Pain sliced through her chest as she realised, with horror, that he was afraid. Robin was afraid of her.
"Robin…" His name escaped her and it was laced with hurt. Robin looked guilty before shaking his head slightly.
"I can't…" he paused, unsure of what to say to her. "I…" He sighed and his blue eyes met her green ones. "Is it really you?" He whispered.
His question confused her. Really her? Who else would she be? "I do not understand."
Robin, looking nervous, which was unlike him, wrung his hands together. "Star. I need to know if it's really you."
"Who else would I be?" She cocked her head at him.
Robin had to admit that he was starting to believe it was her, but didn't want to get his hopes up until he was sure. "Tell me something only the two of us would know."
"Robin, I do not underst…"
"Please?" He interrupted her with a pleading tone. This was new for her to see. Robin was desperate, and she didn't know why. But then it dawned on her, if Slade had gotten to her, then she'd been under his control. Robin didn't know if she was herself, or the person Slade had turned her into. Her face turned sad as she recognised the hurt in Robin's eyes. Gently she moved over to the glass, placing her palm on it.
"What have I done?" She watched as he hesitated at her words. He unconsciously brought a hand up to his neck and rubbed. Starfire let out a breath, not wanting to believe what she was working out from his reaction. "I have hurt you." It wasn't a question, but she got an answer regardless as Robin was unable to meet her gaze. Her hand slipped from the glass and his cape, which she had been holding, fluttered to the floor. She looked down to the floor and swallowed the lump in her throat. "You have a scar on your calf. It happened as a result of an accident when you travelled with Haly's Circus. You tried to jump the fence into the elephant pen and cut yourself on the wire. It is the only scar you look upon with fondness."
Starfire didn't look up to see his reaction, but if she had she would have seen Robin's face light up. She was the only person he had told that story to. Not even Bruce knew how he got that scar. It didn't hold any significance really, but he had never brought it up with Bruce as he never felt the need to. But when Starfire had seen the line down his leg, she had gotten curious and asked. She remembered the way his eyes lit up as he retold her the story. It wouldn't have been burned into her memory if not for the fact that whenever she had asked him about his other scars, his face had dropped and his eyes went dark. It was interesting to see Robin look so happy about recalling something from his past, since he so often hated looking back on it. But when he spoke about what living at Haly's Circus had been like, he looked happier than Starfire had ever seen him.
"Oh, Star." He moved closer to the glass, his hand coming up to rest on it. "I'm so sorry." His voice was quiet. Starfire looked up at him, ashamed of herself as she moved towards him, her hand coming up to meet where his was. The glass wasn't any more than a few inches thick, and it was still too far. All either of them wanted to do was reach out and touch the other, and they couldn't.
"Robin. What has happened? What have I done?" Her eyes shone with fear, not wanting to know but needing to.
"Slade turned you again. I don't know how yet, we did a scan on you when we got you here but we're still waiting on the results. It took a few weeks but we managed to knock you out using painkillers." Ah, that explained why she felt so drowsy. Robin took a deep breath, swallowing a lump in his throat. He looked like he wanted to continue but he didn't.
"I assume then that Raven managed to bring me back as she did last time? Robin, have I hurt anyone?" Starfire's eyes shone with unshed tears as she desperately worried about what she might have done.
Robin didn't meet her gaze. "No. Not really anyway. Slade took to using inhibitor bracelets to subdue the Titans. Star…" He flicked his eyes up to her before looking away again. "Raven didn't bring you back."
She cocked her head at him. "Then what did?"
Robin turned instantly nervous. "Star." He brought his other hand up to the glass and locked his eyes with hers. His blue orbs betrayed his guilt and regret. "I need you to understand that I didn't have a choice. You were too powerful and we had no other way to make sure you'd be caught without risking anyone."
Starfire was confused, nervousness at his tone creeping into her. "Robin?"
"I had to do it. It was the only way we could help you. I refused the idea at first, because I didn't want to hurt you, but it was our only option. Believe me, if we could have found another way, I would have done anything to save you."
"Robin, you are not making sense." She brought a hand to her chest to try and calm her heart which was beating faster and harder as he spoke.
"I… Star. We had to call Galfore. We'd run out of ideas. You don't really have any weaknesses and even Galfore couldn't find anything to help us with. Until he gave us his last resort." Robin looked up and let out a bitter laugh. "Two whole planets and it was the only thing on either of them that we could use, and even then we weren't sure it would work. Galfore isn't happy about it, but he knew it was the only way. Star, I did it to save you and I really hope you can forgive me for it."
Starfire swallowed a lump in her, her heart constricting in her chest. "Robin…"
"I'm sorry." He dropped his gaze from her, unable to watch as the horror crossed her face as she realised what he had been babbling about. A delicate, shaky hand came up to the collar around her neck.
"You did not." Her voice was hard. "Robin, tell me you did not do what I think you did."
Robin stepped closer to the glass, his forehead leaning on it as he watched her step back from him. "Star please! We didn't know what else to do. Believe me, I didn't want to, but I had to get you away from him. By the looks of things, that collar is the only thing that's keeping you from being under Slade's control right now. I did the only thing I could to save you." He pleaded with her to understand.
"I do not care!" She hissed at him, her fingers clawing at the collar around her neck. "I would rather be a prisoner of my own mind than be a prisoner of the Citadel once more."
Robin reared his head back, shocked. "You don't mean that. Star, you can't possibly believe that being under Slade's control is…"
"It is better than this!" she pointed at her neck. "You will remove it at once." She sounded more like a royal at that moment than Robin had ever heard her. Demanding that her will be done and no one could deny her wish.
"I… I can't." He dropped his hands from the glass, clenching his fists at his side.
"Robin. You will do it and you will do it now or by X'hal I will find a way to do it myself. The results will be far better if you simply give me the key." Her face was stone, all emotion gone.
"Star…" He heaved a deep sigh, he had expected she would react badly but he didn't realise how difficult it would be. "I can't take the collar off. It's the only thing keeping you alive."
"What?"
"Jason… He ended up being captured by Slade, he told us everything that had happened while he was there. The solar energy that Slade used to enhance your powers, it's too much for you. Your body can't take it. That blood you're coughing up, it's because of the damage the energy is doing internally. Jason said you'd been spitting up loads of it while he was there and that Slade was concerned you were running out of time. He was willing to let you die. I'm not. The power draining element in that collar is the only thing that will keep your energy from burning you from the inside out."
"Then let it kill me." She said the words so clearly and unfeelingly. Robin looked up at her in disbelief. "I would rather die because of what Slade has done to me, than die as a result of this accursed collar."
Robin breathed in, calming himself. "Starfire, please. Don't do this. I know, okay, I know it hurts. I know the memories it brings back. But I can't just let you die, not for Slade, not for anyone."
"And what, might I ask, do you suppose is going to happen when my energy levels are efficiently depleted? As you said, this collar is the only thing keeping me from Slade's control, so unless you have a solution to that problem you cannot take it off." She faced him fully, locking eyes with him again. "This particular collar may be attuned to my abilities, but it is also able to ward off magic and electronics. The Citadel are not blind, they know how the universe works. You would not be able to safely perform any form of surgery due to the collar interfering with equipment, and none of the magic wielders would be able to do anything for me, not even heal the smallest cut. The Citadel did this to prevent any of their slaves helping each other. So I ask you, Robin, what do you propose we do now?"
Robin looked shocked, obviously he hadn't known. She hadn't expected him to. "Star, we will find a way."
She scoffed at him. "Please, Robin, do not insult me. I know far more about the inner workings of this collar than anyone on Earth or Tamaran. When the Psions captured Blackfire and I, they could not get the collar off so they conducted the experiments with it on. The results were not much different with the collar on, but they could not determine that from their equipment. Any of the sensors placed on me did not work. If Slade has used his nanobots again and surgery was attempted, my heart could stop and you would not know. Is that worth the risk?"
"Starfire," He was getting stressed with her now, she could tell by the way he ran his hand through his hair. "You're telling me that the only outcome of this situation is that you're going to die. No matter what, you think you're not going to see the end of this. I'm not going to let anything else happen to you."
"Robin…" Her voice was softer now. "Please." She put her hands up against the glass and looked at him with an entirely defeated expression on her face. "Please, I cannot live with this. Please, take it off."
He wanted to, more than anything, he wanted to hop in there and release her from the thing that brought her so much anguish, but… "I'm sorry, I can't." Robin jumped back as Starfire slammed her hand into the glass. He looked at her, her face now screwed up as she snarled at him.
"Cannot, or will not?"
Robin wrapped his arms around himself. "Both. I won't lose you again."
She pounded her fist on the glass, not caring that it was sending shocks of pain up her arm. "X'hal curse you, Richard Grayson. Remove this collar at once."
"No. Star-" A hand landed on his shoulder and he turned to see Batgirl, in uniform, standing behind him.
Batgirl tugged on his arm. "Come on, Bruce said to leave her to calm down."
Robin looked back at Starfire, she had never looked so angry and hurt before. He wanted to say something, but she wasn't going to listen. Taking one last look, and blowing out one last sigh, he turned away from the glass. "I'm sorry, Star."
"You dare to turn your back on me, Robin?" She spat the words out at him. Really she knew she shouldn't be letting her jealousy get the better of her at a time like this, but it certainly wasn't helping matters. She watched as Robin paused, turning his head to look at her. Batgirl placed her arm around his shoulders, turning him back towards the door. As they left, Starfire crumpled, breathing heavily to try and keep her emotions in check. She would be out of this collar if it was the last thing she did.
