October 27th, 2013 - 4 weeks old
Beth glanced over from the bathroom into their bedroom. Hotch was laying in bed with Luna on his chest talking on the phone. He was using his work voice and Beth was once again reminded that after 7 glorious weeks of having him home for dinner every night he was going back out into the field. Which meant nights apart, trying not to stress about what dangerous situations he was putting himself in, and now; taking care of two children by herself.
"Thanks JJ, see you tomorrow." She heard him say as he ended the call as she came out of the bathroom.
"Everything okay?" she asked him.
Hotch just nodded. "We have a case but it can wait until the morning. We fly out at 8 so I won't be here to get Jack on the bus but his lunch is packed and in the fridge and he already picked out his clothes. I can see if Jessie will come over in the morning?"
"We'll be fine, Aaron. Or maybe we won't be but I gotta figure this out eventually, right?"
"You'll definitely be fine, just know she's around if you want an extra set of hands."
"Are you sure you don't want to sleep in the guestroom tonight? It's your first day back at work and you're immediately flying out for a case. I don't want you exhausted." Hotch was a light sleeper and woke every time Luna made a noise, Beth worried about him.
"I don't want to sleep away from you or Luna. I promise I'll be fine. There's worse things to be than tired. Come to bed it's getting late."
Beth glanced at the clock. It was nearing 10:30 and she was exhausted. It had been unseasonably warm and they had spent the afternoon having a picnic in the park and Jack had played with his friends. Beth gently extracted Luna from Aaron's chest and placed her in the bassinet before crawling into bed to fall asleep herself.
She heard the crying and was trying to open her eyes but exhaustion made it seem impossible. The darkness underneath her eyes lightened as Hotch flipped on the bedside lamp and Beth groaned. Luna got louder and finally her eyes unglued themselves from each other. The alarm clock was fuzzy but she could make out the "12". It wasn't even 1 AM yet.
"What the heck, Lu?" Beth groaned as she reached for the babe who had been persistent in her crying.
She latched the baby on and tried not to let her eyes drift back shut as the baby nursed. "Turn the light off and go back to sleep, Aaron."
"You need to be able to see," he countered.
"I have my phone right here if I need a light. Please go back to sleep." She urged him before he finally gave in and switched off the light.
Beth in fact did use her phone to scroll social media as she attempted to stay awake knowing that if she sat there in the dark soon she would fall asleep with the baby on top of her and Aaron would disapprove. Finally after 20 minutes the suckling ceased and Beth gently re-swaddled the baby before placing her back in the bassinet and immediately falling back asleep herself.
"Beth, Beth wake up. She's hungry again."
Beth reluctantly opened her eyes again. Hotch was standing next to the bed with a squirming baby in his arms. She glanced at the alarm clock; 2:23 AM. What the fuck.
"Why is she awake? Why are you awake?" She asked as she reached for the baby and latched her on yet again.
"I heard her fussing. I knew she had just eaten so I tried to settle her but she didn't want to be settled. She wanted to eat."
"Aaron go get some sleep in the guest room. You have to be awake in 4 hours and you haven't gotten any rest."
He just ignored her and climbed back into his side of the bed,
"Aaron I'm serious."
"If she wakes up again I'll go to the guest room but Beth, trust me to know my limits. I'm fine."
"Aaron, between this family and your job you would work yourself to death if I let you. You're still human, you need sleep."
Hotch turned off the light again and continued to ignore her as he laid back down on his side of the bed. Beth just rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to the baby.
"Lulu, you need to sleep. You can't keep doing this to us." She whispered to the baby who seemed perfectly content to nurse all night long.
After a short feed Luna was back asleep and Beth once again placed her back in the bassinet before drifting back off to sleep herself praying it would be the last time she awoke before Hotch's alarm.
"Daddy, Daddy." Beth could not believe their shit luck as she heard Jack's quiet voice from Hotch's side of the bed. She could count the times that Jack came into their room in the middle of the night on one hand.
"Buddy it's 4 in the morning what do you need?" Hotch asked his son his voice as calm and patient as ever even though Beth felt like she was going to explode from exhaustion and frustration.
"I had a really bad dream. Can I sleep with you guys?" He asked softly.
Just as Hotch was about to answer his son, Luna began to cry. Again. Beth opened her eyes and audibly groaned.
"This is worse than when she was a newborn!" Beth exclaimed.
"Buddy, Lulu is having a rough night. Why don't you go back to your room and I'll be there in just a minute, okay?'
Jack nodded and ran back to his room.
Hotch was stuck between a rock and a hard place. He wanted to help Beth but he knew trying to help her would make her even more frustrated. But it felt wrong to leave her to fend for herself.
"Go sleep with Jack in his room." She ordered him. "You'll both sleep better in there than you will in here."
"I'll come wake you up before I leave?"
"I'm sure I'll be up but if not then sure."
Hotch left the room and she sighed at the baby who was yet again nursing. She was terrified about Hotch going back into the field on such little sleep but was also irrationally annoyed with him for refusing to sleep in the guest room. She tried to remind herself that he had worked under worse conditions and he had managed to do just fine before she entered the picture. She didn't want to be angry with him but the exhaustion and hormones were giving her little choice over her emotions.
She tried taking meditative breaths while Luna ate but it did little to quell her annoyance and just made her sleepier. So instead she went back to mindlessly scrolling facebook while she waited for her daughter to be done. Finally she changed her diaper, re-swaddled her again, and laid her down for what she hoped would be the last time before dawn.
Beth awoke but for once not to the sound of a crying baby. She felt Aaron's lips on her forehead. As exhausted as she still was it was a nice change to not wake up to crying.
"What time is it?" She asked him groggily.
"7:15 - I didn't want to wake you but I really have to go to work. Jack's getting dressed and his backpack is all packed and ready to go."
Beth nodded her head and sleepily got herself out of bed and into Hotch's arms.
"Did you sleep okay with Jack?" She asked him, her face buried in his neck.
"Out like a light. Don't worry about me, okay? Just worry about keeping these two hooligans alive and call me tonight when you have a chance."
She just nodded, her head still on his shoulder and her arms around his waist. She could feel the tears starting to stream and so could he.
"Hey, please don't cry," she could hear the pain in his voice.
Hotch pulled her back so that she was facing him and he quickly wiped the tears from her face.
"I really have to go. I waited too long to wake you up. Please tell me you'll be okay?" Hotch sounded and looked utterly conflicted.
"We'll be fine, I promise." She nodded her head to seem more confident than she was. "You can go, I don't want you to be late."
Hotch pulled her back in for a goodbye kiss. He captured her bottom lip between his and held her body close to his, running his hands up and down her back. Beth kept her hands on either side of his face before pulling herself away from him.
"Go. You're going to be late."
With that he nodded and ran back down the stairs shouting his final goodbye to Jack as he went.
Beth took a deep breath and tried to pull herself together. Just as she started to feel like maybe she could get a handle on things Luna started crying. Again.
"How was the day? Did it go okay?" Hotch asked her over the phone. He was still at the precinct in Phoenix but knew he had to take a break if he wanted a chance to talk to Beth before she went to bed.
"Not really but everyone is alive so I'm calling it a win."
"I'm sorry. The first day's the hardest, right?" He tried to sound reassuring over the phone.
"I hope so. Luna pretty much decided that if she wasn't being held she was going to cry so it was impossible to get anything done and she refused to nap for longer than 30 minutes so that meant a nap for me also went out the window. But luckily Jack was cool with frozen pizza for dinner and he did his homework and went to bed without arguing. Now I'm tickling our baby in the armpit to keep her awake as she nurses. I'm hoping if she gets a good feed in before bedtime she'll sleep better tonight. How are things at work? Are you back at your hotel?"
"No but we'll probably head back soon. There's a 2 hour time change so it's not as late here."
"The time change means nothing if you're not acclimated to it. Do you think you'll get to come home tomorrow?"
Hotch sighed into the phone. "Probably not. I don't know. It's hard to tell how this case will go."
"Okay well promise me you'll try and get some sleep tonight. You need it and this is your chance to rest uninterrupted."
"I promise. Not gonna lie there is a very small part of me that is excited to go to sleep knowing there won't be a baby waking me up. Most of me just really wants to be home with you guys though."
Beth chuckled. "There's a very large part of me that envies you and your hotel room tonight. But we're both where we are needed. Well the tickling is no longer working and Luna is officially asleep. Pray that she sleeps longer than 3 hours. I love you."
"I love you too. Tell Jack I'm sorry I couldn't say goodnight to him and that if I can't come home tomorrow I'll make sure to talk to him before bed tomorrow."
"Will do - goodnight, Aaron."
