He's putting more focus and intent into everything he does. Even something as simple as making himself a late afternoon lunch like he is now. Something small and light, but takes enough preparation to give his body something to do and his mind something to focus on.

It's around two o'clock that afternoon that Castle is in the kitchen of the house, which acts as the center of the downstairs, an open space that opens up to a dining area near the set of french doors that face toward the lake. He searches and rummages around in the fridge for a minute, trying to fool himself into thinking he either doesn't know what he's looking for or can't find it. He knows exactly where the mayo is.

On a huff, he grabs the plastic jar that sits in the door, almost slamming his hand down onto the lid, and pulls it out and slides it haphazardly onto the island behind him.

When the jar slides too far and hits the head of lettuce just enough to cause the knife to tumble into the sink with a loud, metallic clatter, over his sigh he can hear the jangle of Sasha's tags as she climbs off the blanket next to the couch to investigate. He can at least smile knowing that his dog will see him with food and stick around a bit. She's already very well behaved, but he never got into the idea of teaching her tricks.

Sasha comes bouncing in and as he always does, he quickly leans down and puts his hands in her fur, pulling her large head against his thigh. "Hey, you." He says as she wags her tail at his affection.

He's making a mental effort not to think about it. It's had no choice but to get good at it. He'd have driven himself off the nearest deep end he could find a short while after she left if he hadn't. A part of him is glad for the experience, a scolding fire that tempers a piece of hot iron to make it stronger. Without him learning how to bring himself back up all on his own, no help from alcohol or flirtatious redheaded deep-fried Twinkies, he's not sure he could have dealt with seeing her again.

But it isn't until he has this momentary boost in pride that he remembers this morning.

Castle tries to refocus his brain as he sees Sasha sit next to him and perk up her large German Shepard ears. Deciding to play with her a bit, he takes a long sliver of an onion slice and tosses it in the air over his side. Sasha reacts, excited, and follows the food in the air and jumps onto her hind legs to catch it in her mouth. When she lands with her head down, it only takes a second for her to spit the onion out onto the floor. She sniffs it for a second before looking back up to her master for something else.

Castle chuckles softly, "I didn't think you'd eat that." He says, bends over, and picks up the onion off the floor, scratching the side of Sasha's head as he stands back up.

Just as he's tossing the onion in the sink, he sees the door open. He looks up, feeling all of the fog and clutter clear from his mind as his daughter strides in through the door with her shoulder bag. "Hey, Dad," she greets him happily on a sigh.

"Hey, pumpkin," he says back and continues making his sandwich as Sasha quickly turns around, whacking her tail against Castle's leg when she turns to greet Alexis home from class. He smiles at her when Alexis smiles up at him after scratching Sasha behind her ears. "You want a sandwich?"

Alexis pulls out a stool and slides in behind the counter of the island, setting her shoulder back down on the corner of the counter. "No, I don't want to fill up."

Castle quirks his brow at her. "Fill up? It's a sandwich, Alexis." He waves at the counter with the butter knife.

"I know," she shrugs and folds her arms on top of the counter, "but I... sort of... have a date tonight." She tells him, her voice small.

Castle stops his knife in the middle of the jar of mayonnaise with a deadpan stare. "You have a date? Since when?" He asks, not giving her a chance.

"Since... I was driving home from school on Friday." She says, moving her hands from the counter to her lap and slouching forward.

"But Alexis," Castle chuckles as he continues to make his sandwich, "it's Monday. You were free all weekend."

Alexis blushes over her smile and nods. "Yeah, I know, he said that it was to uh..." she trails off, looking toward the ceiling, "make sure I made no assumptions of his intentions."

Castle nods widely as he sets the bread down and grabs the end of the loaf, grabbing the end of the bag and spinning it around. "Ah, the old 'set the date on a weeknight so he can't put any moves on you at the end of the date' trick." He jokes with his daughter with a smirk while moving to put away the bread. "I know this guy's game."

"Dad," Alexis sighs.

Castle smiles as he moves back toward the counter. "So, you meet this guy at school?" He asks, honestly curious.

"No, the uh..." Alexis seems to tighten and brushes her shoulder-length hair behind her ear in a nervous tick, "the gas station."

Castle is stopped again as he reaches into the bag of sliced chicken. "Now, that's a place you can be a real charmer. You know," Castle continues to joke as he puts the meat down onto the bread, "I think I'd like to meet this guy. Get some tips for his gas station game, get some good pick up lines." He jokes and moves back around to put the lunch meat away. "Hey, good-looking, why go with regular when you can get premium."

"Dad!" She whines loudly, chuckling despite herself.

Castle smiles and closes the fridge. "I'm sorry, pumpkin. I couldn't help it."

"Hey, at least I have a date, mister 'I turn down dates from attractive doctors'." Alexis fires back jokingly.

Castle smiles at her, a bit heavier than he had before and decides to stay silent, letting the conversation fall. It's not her fault. He knows it was only a matter of time before he thought of it on his own. It's going to be hard tonight, left to his own devices after yesterday. And after this morning, probably even harder.

He doesn't know if he can count on her. The only serious commitment she ever seemed to show, when it came down to it, was her job. He doesn't expect anything to change just because she temporarily can't get her old one back. She's probably on the phone now getting someone to find some sort of loophole or some extra funding no one had touched to get her job back right now.

He almost laughs darkly at her words. Maybe the woman he fell in love with was a figment of his imagination. It was life-threatening hurdle just getting her to give him a shot, now she expects him to believe that she thinks they belong together? Maybe what he said to Alexis the other day wasn't just a way to reassure her that he was happy with his life here. Maybe it was more truthful than he had intended it.

"Everything okay, Dad?" Alexis asks suddenly.

Castle looks up to her with a soft expression, taking a moment before answering. "Fine, sweetheart." He smiles casually as he flips his sandwich closed. "You sure you don't want one?" He asks her again.

She smiles at him again and nods, lifting her hand up to him. "I'm fine, Dad." She tells him and slides off the stool, dragging her shoulder bag off the counter with her.

As she makes her way passed the island, through the kitchen to head up the stairs, he stops her.

He always hated that Beckett could lie to him so easily, always with a straight face then expected him to just understand why she did it and forgive him, as if it was no big deal that she just didn't trust him. He can't justify hiding the truth from his own daughter. She's only out here for him anyway.

"Alexis?" He stops her and leans his arms against the surface of the counter, hanging his head.

She stops, clearly hearing her father's shift in tone and moves back to stand next to him before answering. "Yeah?"

On a soft sigh, he looks out ahead of him. "Beckett's back."

He can feel Alexis stiffen next to him, despite not facing her. A natural fatherly instinct to know when his little girl is in distress. "What..." she tries but lets it fall before tugging her shoulder bag off and sliding it to the floor, then moving over to the adjacent side of the counter next to him. "What do you mean?"

"At the grocery store yesterday, after you drove home." He begins to explain, still looking down to the counter. "I saw her."

"Well," Alexis mumbles, "what'd she say?"

Castle huffs out a short, cold breath through a set of flaring nostrils, "Nothing that made me change my mind." He grits. When Alexis doesn't respond, but instead just gives off more concern and worry, he finally lifts his head and looks over to her. "She said she quit her job in DC because it wasn't what she thought it was."

He can tell by the glimmer in Alexis' eye that she's jumping to conclusions.

He sighs sadly and shakes his head lethargically, "It wasn't because of me or anything, she just... didn't like it." He tosses out. "And she said that the NYPD is going through a budgetary freeze and can't bring her back on, so-"

"So she's here." Alexis points out for him. He can tell she's starting to get angry. Her voice gets a particular tightness to it when she gets upset.

He just nods slowly, gazing over to her with lidded eyes. "Yeah."

"Dad, does this mean that-"

"Nothing," he stops her sternly, lifting his fingers off the counter and looking over to her, "she said made anything I told you the other day any less true, Alexis." She stops and breathes out a sigh, slumping her tightened shoulders. "If anything, it just made it more true."

"So... so, what'd happened? What exactly did she say?"

He doesn't want to give her a play by play. She's had to witness enough of his personal life antics in between and after his divorces, and it's still a burden of guilt he has to bear at times, letting her see him in those ways. "I think it's more important what she didn't say, actually."

Alexis shakes her head, waiting for him to answer as he goes back to gazing out into nowhere. "And what was that?"

Looking over to her again, he knows he's not making a valiant enough effort to hide the hurt in his eyes. "Sorry." He says, shaking it off by putting a jump in his brow and a purse in his lips as he picks his sandwich up off the counter.

Before he can take a bite, he feels Alexis push herself into his side, hugging his chest with her arms as tight as she can. He chuckles sadly to himself as he rubs her arm. "I'm sorry, Dad."

"I don't want you to be sorry, pumpkin." He says as he hugs her tenderly. "You know what I want you to do?" He asks, a casual lift coming back into his voice.

Alexis pushes off of him and looks up to him.

Castle rubs her back and smiles. "I want you to enjoy your date tonight with mister gas station."

She fights her smile and nods. "Are you sure you'll be alright tonight?"

"Only way I couldn't be was if you called this guy and canceled because of me. I'll be fine, Alexis."

She smiles again and turns back to go up the stairs. Castle leans back against the counter on another hard sigh, looking between his sandwich and his eager looking Shepard-Collie mix that's been sitting next to him silently wagging her long tail across the tile floor. He's not even hungry anymore.

He rolls his eyes before putting it on a leftover saucer next to him and setting it on the floor.


Sometimes, the air here gets to her. Her motel room is stuffy and thick, but here at the park, it's crisp.

She's never had this much time on her hands. She's never been given this much time to think. She's only here for him. No other reason.

Sitting with her jacket buttoned up against the wind in the air, she has her arms tucked in between the chains of the swing and her hands stuffed in her pockets, one hand clutching her phone, the other softly petting the band of the engagement ring she still can't bring herself to even look at for more than a glance. When she looks away from the playground and down to the wood chips underneath the swing set, her throat starts to close again as emotions rise up.

She pulls out her phone after a moment and swipes her thumb across the screen until she finds his voicemail and hits play, putting it to her ear.

"Beckett, it's Castle," his voice is so low and gruff, just as she remembers. "We need to talk and we need to talk in person. I'll be at the swings until four. Meet me when you get the chance."

Her lips quiver and she closes her eyes to try and fight the tears, her hand shaking inside of her pocket as the ring seems to sting the skin on her fingers. The swings... he was going to ask her to marry him at the swings.

It would have been small and intimate... yet big and memorable for the two of them. It would have been perfect.

Beckett sniffs over her conflicting emotions, romantic and happy and excited over his proposal and compeltely heartbroken that she'll never get it and utter shame knowing that it was no one's fault but her's. After letting her phone fall down to her thigh, she flicks her hair back with the wind and gathers herself, still petting the band of the engagement in an absentminded motion. She picks up her phone again and moves to her contacts, pressing call when she finds the right one.

The phone stops ringing on the second ring when he picks up. "Hey, sweetie."

Beckett smiles over her emotions again, letting them vanish for a moment when she hears her dad. "Hey, Dad."

"Hey, how are you? Did your flight go okay?"

"I'm fine. It was okay." She answers one after the other. She draws in a long, audible breath, and breathes, "I found him."

There's a pause before he continues. "Something tells me it didn't go how you planned."

She's briefly overcome by her emotions, reliving the moment he flung the ring at her. "Dad, did Castle ever call you?" She asks out of nowhere. "Did he ever come talk to you on his own about... anything? Is there anything you haven't told me?" She asks him, her voice shaking.

"Katie, the last time Rick and I spoke was the precinct after you two went missing during that case."

"So he never called you? He never left any messages at your office? He never... he never sent you any emails?"

"Katie, what's going on?" He stops her in a serious, concerned tone.

Feeling weak, she tugs her hand out of her pocket and holds the ring in her lap, finally giving herself a chance to see the beautiful sparkle of the silver band and the dance of the stones. "He was going to propose to me, Dad."

She can hear him shift himself in his office chair on the other end of the line. There's another long pause on the other end before Jim finally speaks. "Katie, are you sure you're okay?"

"Dad, I'm fine." She mildly defends herself, only wanting him to get back on topic. "I was just wondering if he called you to... I don't know, it's probably stupid."

"You're wondering if Rick ever called me to ask for your hand?" He asks for her.

She breathes out a shaky breath, wandering her eyes around the clouds that linger the blue sky. "It's stupid, I know." She sighs, looking back down to the ring pinched between her fingers. "Castle never exactly exuded the traditional vibe, huh?" She tries to joke, but knows she failed when she hears it leave her mouth.

"Katie," he says in a firm, almost loving tone, "I'm still worried about you being out there by yourself."

Beckett scoffs half-heartedly as she rolls her eyes before looking over the playground and the well-groomed suburban homes behind it. "If you saw this town, Dad, you'd think it's the safest place on Earth."

"That's not what I'm worried about, Katie. You know that." He calls her out.

She shakes her head and looks down at the ring one last time before shoving it back in the pocket of her denim jacket, not bearing to look at it anymore. "I'm a big girl, Dad. I'll be fine."

"So," Jim continues, "what happened with Rick? How'd it go?"

"About as well as you'd expect from someone who got stood up at a marriage proposal." She explains, still petting the engagement band in her pocket. "I saw him again this morning and told him that I wanted to give it another chance. And... when he said no, I said that I'll be back tomorrow." She says, taking a pause to really feel the engagement ring she's petting. "And that's what I plan to do... until I get him back."

She hears her father sigh on the other end of the line and can't tell what kind of sigh it is. "Even though I worry about you sometimes, you know I'm proud of you, right?"

She smiles to herself as she nods and looks down to the woodchips again. It's easy to forget that no matter what she puts others through or is put through by others, there will always be one person that has her back in the world. "I know, Dad."

"Okay, I love you. Alright, Katie?"

"Love you too, Dad." She says a few seconds before hanging up the phone and sliding her phone back into her opposite pocket.

He loved her enough to buy a ring and make an effort to tell her that he wanted them to promise their lives to each other. Even after everything she put him through, with the jealousy and distrust she seeded in him with Vaughn to the lies and the second-best status she shoved on him with her job in DC, he still felt enough love for her and had enough faith in their relationship to want to promise his life to her.

On a soft, solidifying breath out, she continues to pet the band of the engagement ring in her pocket. She just has to make him realize that he loved the right person.

And she has no plans on going anywhere until he does.