-Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Stranger Things.
A/N: BRACE YOURSELVES feedback would be appreciated on this chapter I am really uneasy about it!
Chapter 9: You Lie
Billy had prayed from the moment he had lifted El from his car, that she wouldn't wake, if she caught him carrying her, it would open a whole new can of intimacy- a closeness that he just didn't have to give.
He slowly crept through the cabin, one boot in front of the other, attempting to turn his large mass into something agiler, he sighed to himself at how ridiculous he felt.
What the hell is she doing to me?
He wasn't intimated by girls- not ever. He was 'God's gift' to women—and he knew it, they worshipped the ground he walked on, any sort of relationship that ever formed- if you could ever call it that, it was always under his terms-- not theirs.
Where were the terms?
He clenched his jaw and froze as a floorboard creaked beneath him. Panicking, he quickly gazed down at the sleeping brunette in his arms, ensuring that she was still asleep. The sound of the floor boards seem to have only made her roll into his chest closer, but other than the small movement she still appeared to still be out cold… Little did Billy know that her eyes had been squinting open and closed, since he had approached the steps to the porch.
Initially, El had still in a dream like state, she hadn't been entirely sure of what was happening, she soon realised she'd been removed from the car by her, very frustrated, new roommate. Curious to his intentions and enjoying the warmth of his broad form, she decided to "stay asleep" and enjoy the embrace.
As they crossed through the house she began to think back to the painful memory of the last time he had carried her—when he had been delivering her to mind flayer.
But that wasn't him and that was an easy fact for everyone to forget,
Why had he surrendered himself over for her?
Why?
Will had failed to have the strength to pull himself out from his possession, why had billy been able to? What had made him so much stronger?
Billy carefully strolled down the cabin hallway, holding his breath at the fear that so much as a shallow intake would stir her.
Please for the love of all that is holy… Do not wake up—
As he approached the door, he gently re-shifted her weight into his other arm, making it easier to grasp the door handle. Before turning the knob he caught himself gazing down at her this time not with the intention of being stealthy.
Incredible.
If he had the use of his hands in that moment, he would have smacked himself silly. He ignored his foolish thoughts and proceeded to open Her bedroom door, he then began to walk towards the side of the bed, as he bent down to lay her across it, a violent flashback struck his memory causing his chest to crush striking him breathless, he dropped El onto the bed before rapidly pulling back.
– it was that horrible memory, the one he dreamt about almost every night. The recollection of delivering her to—him.
The flayer, He had wanted her desperately, not to consume her, but to use her, the same way it had used him. And he had been the one to physically carry her there, fully aware of all his plans and desires. The desire to be invincible, nothing but herever could have stopped him.
Horrible fucking thing,
The memories flooding his mind soon began to make him angry.
Angry at himself that he had somehow managed to allow himself to be in his situation.
Alone, in this shitty cabin—with her.
But the truth that he hid from himself, was that he was angry he had even allowed himself to touch her again.
Coming out of the fog that was his mind—he slowly walked back towards the bed, he quietly knelt down next to where El laid, wondering how in his right mind he had ended up leaving a party- with a smoking hot babe on his lap, minutes from being laid—to tucking in a brunette bombshell, without any prospect of getting anywhere near horizontal with her.
Billy was bittersweet about her decision of removing the two jackets she had on, at some point during the car ride back from the diner, she had decided to take them off and use them as blankets. -On the positive side, he didn't have to fumble around to try and take them off.
The negative, being that as guy who hadn't 'got his rocks' off in about four or five months; was that there was WAY too much on show for him to be able to think with his head. His eyes wandered aimlessly over her body; her now much longer unruly hair, was fanned to one side, exposing her delicate neck. When he had placed her onto the bed, her crop top had shifted, causing one of her lean shoulders to hang out from the corner. He admired for a moment the gentle flawless features of her face down to her textbook perfect lips. Finally bringing his attention back down her body to her now exposed midriff, he found himself fighting to urge to run his hand across it, to feel if it was as soft as it looked. To had fuel to the fire she was still damp, her skin looked like it had been oiled up, --she was just asking to be taken.
Fucking Incredible.
FUCK ME.
Would you just- STOP.
GO, you SHADY SCUMBAG.
Billy began to stand up where he knelt, as he leaned into the bed to pull himself up, he stopped dead in his tracks, straining his eyes to see what had caught his eye, he gently reached out to El's small arm, her hand was up near her head, so he ran a risk when he decided to pull it down in front of him, he grasped her entire wrist in his hand and gently rubbed his thumb across the words.
"011" he muttered, rubbing it again, as if checking to see if it were real,
"Don't—" El said anxiously, springing up from the bed, it suddenly wasn't as fun as she thought playing dead, she hated that marking and hated anyone knowing about it, let alone looking at it- touching it.
"They branded you? —like you were just some fucking number?" He asked disgusted, his eyes black with anger.
" Yes, branding." She answered softly, clenching her wrist in her other hand.
"Why didn't you tell me your name was Jane, I would have called you that… had I known… before…" He trailed off apprehensively.
"—I'm not jane, not Eleven. -just El." She said shortly.
Her answer had been whole heartedly true, she had never had the pleasure of being "Jane." She hated being Eleven and what it had made her do- the cage that it had placed her in. Being "El" was the first time she had been a person, the first time she had started to come into herself.
El was her name.
Billy shifted a little where he knelt, angry by the situation, but held it back forcefully, his curiosity once again getting the better of him. He rubbed his hands down his face as he always did when he was feeling stressed, before once again looking up to speak to El.
"Who's papa? —I saw him in your…mind." He said more abruptly then he wanted to.
"He's a bad man. He took me from mama." She said looking down at her hands.
"Why was he saying those things to you? Why does he want you to look for him?" He asked more softly this time.
"I thought he died, but I'm not so sure anymore-" She answered honestly.
"He will make me open the gate." She said bluntly.
"No, that can't happen." He said brashly.
"Do you want to find him?" He asked curiously, his stare now penetrating.
"No." She answered shaking her head desperately.
He fidgeted nervously for a moment before breaking his stare to look at his feet, not knowing what to say to her.
"Why… --Why did you…. save me-- at the mall? You blocked me out of the way…" She asked softly, her tone vulnerable.
"The same reason you put a door into my dad's face I guess." He said honestly, a half smile appearing on his handsome face.
"Oh," She said softly, returning the charming smile.
Tension in the room ran strong as the pair locked eyes, both besotted with the others magnetic stare, billy fought his sudden urge to just take what he wanted. And at that moment what he wanted was her. All of her.
I want her,
No, you don't, you think you do,
You're horny. That's it. That's all.
He wanted to reach in and yank her towards him, knowing full well to where it would lead, he knew well that there was in no way that she would be ready for that.
He leaned in close enough that his face nuzzled into the strands of her hair, his breath seeped into her ear, sending shivers up her body, she closed her eyes anticipating the contact…
he was going to kiss her-
-No, he was not.
He was in virgin territory now and the thought of using her as an output for his frustrations wasn't right—he knew it wasn't right, it would hurt her.Because once he had finished with her, that would be the end of that.
He was a guy that so used to getting what he wanted, so used to being able to manipulate people into giving him exactly what he wanted, he wasn't used to this new feeling…
guilt? A conscience—no wait there are no feelings,
He knew that any action that he took, minor or major, he wouldn't be able to take it back once he had done it—so, he decided to stand up and head towards the door.
"Wait," El said crawling down towards the base of the bed,
"I…" She started.
"You think there's something between us? That I'm just going to suddenly change? He said turning around in a hiss.
"Did you think you could save me from myself?" He said stalking back in through the door, seeing already that her eyes were welling up.
He knew this had to be done,
This entire thing needed to be dealt with,
Put out, extinguished, squished.
"Well I'm not "El" I'm not going to change for anyone. So just stay the hell out of my way and hang out with your shit bird little friends, alright? Just go to bed, do whatever it is you came here to do and stay the hell out of my way—" He said cutting her off as he coldly headed out towards the door.
AND… the Walls are back up.
El laid uncomfortably tossing and turning in her bed, tears rolled out of her eyes, she shook violently attempting to silence her cries. She assumed that billy would have slept on Hopper's old bed in the other room, but she could hear the faint sound of the tv on and the sound of a fresh can of beer being popped open, leading her to the conclusion… He couldn't sleep either.
She sprang from the bed, testing her powers to see if she still had any juice left,
Nothing, not even enough to open her closet door,
Shitty.
She walked over to her bag on the floor and pulled out her favourite flannel, a little worn but comfy and warm, exactly what she needed, she stripped off the rest of her damp clothes and popped it on, it was long enough to cover a large part of her thighs so she felt confident to do what she did next.
Placing her head between her knees she messed her hands through her hair to run her fingers through her tangled tresses.
Eat shit Hargrove.
She then confidently strode down the hall and into the tv room. She stood with a menacing stare, moments ago hurt, but now she was frustrated; downright pissed off.
"Why do you lie?" She asked seriously, stalking towards him.
"What the hell are you talking about?" He asked angrily as he stood up to confront her.
"You lie. You say that we aren't friends, that you can't change…" she trailed off, her tone still confronting.
"--But you already have." She said bluntly.
Billy stood shell shocked once again,
What is it with this chick and calling me out on my shit?
FUCK.
"I HAVEN'T CHANGED, YOU'VE JUST FUCKED WITH MY HEAD, ALRIGHT?" He shouted angrily walking aggressively towards her.
El thought of pulling back, to head back towards her room, he was confronting to her as he towered over her, his presence domineering, and she had no powers to push him back, but she was more than ready to play this game of chicken.
"You lie." She hissed, stepping in towards him, her stare vertical she stood so close to him.
"Why do you lie..." She softened, her final word in a cry.
"FUCK." He growled frustratedly, before looking at her defeated.
The tears streaming down her face were too much for him, he'd hurt her again—
This time it really was only on him, no mind flayer to take partial blame,
Him.
Just take what you want and deal with it later.
And with that thought in mind, he pulled her into a mind shattering kiss. It was the kind of kiss she'd never had before, the kind of kiss that he had always needed. He reached down and urgently placed both his still bloody hands, onto both sides of her face then with such urgency pulled her in to his parted mouth catching her lips to his. Unintentionally drying her tears with his hands while he erratically touched her face before running them through her hair to shamelessly hold her head by passionately grasping a lock of hair.
He needed her, like she was as simple as air-
There was nothing else,
Nothing mattered,
Just her.
El squealed at the initial contact, she hadn't expected him to just give into her, it was like an animalistic instinct had taken over him, forcing him to give into his needs. it was bold and erotic to say the least, it knocked the wind straight out of her, leaving her not even knowing which way was up or down. Losing her balance from the abruptness of the experience, she stumbled deeper into his body only to awaken him further, he moved his hands down to around her waist and pulled her up and into him, he groan into their kiss, breaking the contact to catch his breath.
He wanted nothing more than the carry her off into his bed like some kind of Neanderthal, but he knew better- that would be the wrong thing to do for so many different reasons.
Instead he compromised with himself and placed his hands on either side of her thighs and slowly began leading her backwards to lower her onto the sofa. Never breaking their kiss, he hoisted her petite frame on top of him.
Realising their predicament had become quite steamy, he managed to stop himself for a minute to ensure she wasn't secretly freaking out, but he was surprised to notice that she looked irritated when he did.
He quickly reclaimed her mouth with his, this time less urgent and being much more gentle with his tongue, he moved his hands down her waist, and sneakily slid his hands underneath her flannel, not surprised to feel she still had underwear on, but disappointed all the same.
This is insane,
I'm rock hard and this cannot happen-
I should have just stayed with—Cynthia…
No Candace? Candy?
Ah, Fuck it.
El began to instinctively grind her hips into him and that was the point that he knew he needed to stop.
"El…" He gasped.
"We have to stop, I…" he started.
"—I'm a lot more experience then you in this department I think-- and I'm a guy, once I start, I can't just stop." He explained, internally kicking himself once again.
IDIOT.
Why wouldn't you just do it?
You're putting her on a pedestal and that is your goddamn problem.
JUST DO IT.
"Did I do something wrong?" She asked sitting up onto his lap, her face confused.
"No." He answered abruptly.
"I don't want to take advantage of you okay." He hissed, lifting her up off him, to light up a smoke.
"Would you just go to bed?" He growled, leaning forward to take a swig of his beer.
"No." She said bluntly, crossing her arms against her chest.
Billy let out a loud chesty growl before rolling his eyes, like he always did out of frustration, he decided it would be best to just ignore her little stubborn outburst and just continue to drink his beer and watch what ever crap was on tv,
The room had begun to feel hot since he had lit up the old wooden stove, he thoughtlessly stripped off his shirt and planted himself back on the couch not noticing that El had been watching him with her peripherals the whole time, now peering at him with a sly smirk.
As the faint noise from the tv played and the crackling of the stove continued, sleep inevitably took over the both of them and as the hours passed through the night and the heater began to die down, the pair became closer together, by the time dawn was approaching, El was asleep on his chest and he had a full face of her hair
--He'd be angry in the morning, but it wasn't morning yet,
And right now he was happy.
