The people are really nice here. It's a welcome bonus aside from it seeming to really slow down in the afternoon. She still has some studying to do, but luckily her dad has been fishing his whole life and knows most of the ins and outs. She'll pick up on it eventually. No one that's come in has been an overt jerk to her or overtly flirtatious with her. It's been slow for most of her first day in the store, which left her to sit behind the long glass counter along the back wall that faces the entrance of the store.
Her dad is outside, down by the rental docks talking to a regular customer who knew the old owner and was welcome to have a conversation with him. So now, Kate sits in a pair of jeans, running shoes, and her army green loose-fitting t-shirt with the store's emblem in the right corner above the pocket, going over some of the fishing manuals she borrowed off of one of the shelves near the left side of the store. Checking her watch as she flips a page, she sees it's almost the time when her father agreed to leave for the day and let her close up the store at seven. They open at five and her dad got in this morning at four thirty.
She's glad to have some sort of purpose again, something to do. It's not what she had dedicated herself to, but it's something in her life to keep up and maintain, something that requires her attention, energy, and her time. It's a welcome blessing after what happened to her career in law enforcement. All things considered, she's lucky to have a job where she can be her own boss, or at the very least can work very comfortably with the boss she does have in her dad.
But the store isn't what will take her effort. It's a commitment, but not the one she's working toward. He broke her heart again this morning, left her reeling and shaken. It was another time in their relationship when all she could do was stand there and take his words and couldn't respond with anything because not only had she not ever thought of him ever feeling that way, she never thought he'd ever say it to her.
It's one of the biggest reasons why she both wanted him out of her life and never wanted him to leave it at the same time. He's the only one to ever have the guts to tell her the things no one else would. No one's had that sort of directness with her since her mother... and even her mother did it in a loving way, maybe too loving for her own good.
Emotionally drained for the day, she finishes the page she's absentmindedly reading and flips the manual closed, slipping off the stool and moving out from behind the glass display counter and over to the bookshelves along the left side of the store. As she's putting the manual back on the shelf, she hears the bell attached to the top of the door ring, sounding that they have a customer. Instinctively, Kate smiles a friendly, welcoming smile and turns around to greet them.
"Hi and welcome to..." she trails off as she turns to see a familiar redhead in a pale blue knee-length skirt, ballet flats, a pale blue v-necked blouse, and a denim jacket, holding the door open with her hand and looking straight at her with an almost scared arch in her brow. All the air gets pulled from her lungs when Kate sees her. She was terrified this would happen. She can't be surprised it happened now, after what happened between them this morning. "Alexis..."
Kate can hear her let out a short breath and lets go of the door, pulling up on the strap of her purse that hung from the bend of her elbow. She closes her mouth and seems to swallow her nerves as Kate stands at the end of the aisle.
Kate takes a weak step forward and motions toward the girl. "Is um..." she tries, her voice failing, "is everything okay?"
Alexis still seems to have trouble forming words as Kate slowly moves down another aisle and back toward the center of the store where the aisles split, coming to stand in front of the glass display case. After a moment, she sees Alexis look out the glass pane of the entrance and out to the parking lot, where Kate can see a white pick-up truck parked on the opposite end. The guy inside, looking about Alexis's age, standing outside of his truck, seems to give Alexis a confident nod, and she seems to take it as her cue to strengthen her resolve because when she turns back around to face her with her eyes down to the carpet, she hardens her shoulders and looks back up to her. "We need to talk." She says in a low, almost shaky voice.
Kate lets out a breath that tightens her lungs and nods, giving the girl the lead. "O-okay."
Frozen in place, Kate watches as the girl tightens her fists and shifts her weight from side to side. She knows that there is only one person that could keep her from the man she loves. There is only one person on the planet that could tell her to stay away and she'd have no choice but to listen to them. And it's her. "You..." Alexis tries, still not looking up to her, "I know you're trying to get back together with my dad, and..." she says, her voice still shaky and nervous, "you're really upsetting him."
With the air pulled from Kate's lungs, she chooses her words very carefully as she takes a small step forward. "Alexis," she says softly, "I know things have been rough lately but..." that gains her Alexis's frightful eyes and it makes Kate pause. She always wanted to develop more of a friendship with Alexis. She looks as scared to talk to her as Kate is scared to hear what she has to say. "But I know how I feel about him and... I understand completely," she urges her, "if you're here to tell me I have to stop, but Alexis-"
"That's not why I'm here." She interrupts her, finally finding a firm voice. Kate stops, a part of her incredibly relieved, but another part terrified as to why she might actually be here. "Look," she says, taking a step away from the door, "I know that whatever your going through is hard for you and all but... but you broke his heart."
Kate lets out another breath and takes another slow step toward her, lifting her hands out in front of her to try and motion that she's not going to hurt her. "I know that, Alexis." She can see a slight furrow run into her brow when she hears that. "I know I hurt him when I left for DC, but please, understand, that it was never my intention." She can see the furrow that was only there for a second reappear as Alexis's eyes harden. "If I had known he was going to propose, I-"
Kate gets cut off by the store phone ringing on the other side of the counter behind her.
She looks over her shoulder to the phone and then back over to the girl, "Excuse me," she says just before quickly darting toward the phone.
"You didn't see him, okay?!" Alexis says loudly, going after Kate as she moves toward the phone, but stops when she hears Alexis's firm, angry voice behind her. "You weren't there." She continues, while Kate remains facing away from her, letting the phone stop ringing after four rings. "I was, I saw it all, so stop pretending like you can fix everything by saying what your intentions were." Kate looks over her shoulder, feeling cold tears in her eyes as the girl scolds her, seeing Alexis's eyes have gone down to the carpet again. "Your intentions don't mean anything. Stop hiding behind your intentions of never meaning to hurt him thinking that it will solve anything!"
Kate feels as if she's a cracked statue, waiting for just the right gust of wind to come along and blow her to pieces. Out of all the people in her, or anyone elses life, she doesn't know how to handle hearing this from Alexis.
When Alexis finally looks back up to Kate, she can see the girl's eyes are glimmering with emotions. "You and my dad caught murderers together for years. How many of them tried to say they were innocent by explaining their intentions to you?" Kate feels her throat close, because she knows the girl is right. Almost every single one of them tried to tell her that they committed the murder she and her partner proved because it was with good intentions for them.
"Alexis..." Kate breathes out, "I know I have a lot to do to get him to trust me again but-"
Kate stops when Alexis lets out a hard breath and shakes her head. "You still don't get it, do you?" She challenges her. "You know, you weren't there, but I was, okay?" She tells her, seeming to have fully grasped her inner fighter. "I was the one that came home that afternoon after you stood him up. He had this," she trails off and looks away from her, "whole romantic evening all planned and set up for you, there were flower petals all over the floor of his office and in the bedroom, he had candles ready and wine and music."
Kate feels her heart crumble into pieces at that.
But Alexis is continuing to hammer her with nothing but the truth. "He was so sure that all you needed was a sign that he wanted some kind of future together to get you to stay together with him that when you left it broke him more than I've ever seen." She tells her, looking into her eyes again. "I remember my mom cheating on him," Kate's breath hitches violently, but Alexis is continuing on ahead like it was a footnote, "and leaving us, I remember Gina taking him to divorce court and demanding he pay her alimony when he wanted to go back to marriage counseling, but you leaving him was the only time I was ever really afraid of what might happen to him."
When Alexis seems to give her a moment, Kate blinks away her tears and shakes her head to herself. "It..." she tries, but fails the first time, "it was that bad?"
Alexis shrugs her nervously tight shoulders and looks away. "When he told me he was going away on vacation across the country while I would be gone on outward bound, I was scared of what he might do... and I knew he wouldn't go diving off any cliffs if I was around." She explains in a calmer, more somber tone. "I was still growing up after his divorces so he always had me to focus on after he got his heart broken. I knew that me being around would stop him from doing anything drastic." She explains, pulling up on the strap of her small purple purse. "I thought that we'd go home after the summer, but when he bought the house just before the semester started, I decided to transfer to OSU and live here with him. And I really like living out here."
Kate nods and swallows thickly. "Then..." she starts hesitantly, not wanting to broach the topic, "Alexis... why did you say you aren't here to tell me to stop coming by?" She asks, not wanting the girl to remember that that's why she was really here and just forgot. "I mean, he's told me that he's happy out here and I'm glad that he is but... if it was that bad, then why are you here?"
Alexis lets out a breath and nods solemnly. "Because he may have been at his worst when you left," she says as she looks away, but looks back over to Kate, "but he was at his best when he was with you."
That breaks through the painful layer of thick ice that had formed around Kate's heart, giving her an odd sense of hope.
Alexis shakes her head before continuing. "I don't know what it is about you, and frankly, I don't care what it is. All I know is that he was happy when he was with you."
Kate bites the inside of her lip for a moment, debating whether to ask. "I thought he was happy out here without me."
Alexis's thick breath can be heard from Kate's place a distance of six feet away. "He's content and feels at home out here, and he may be happy some of the time, but I don't want to have to worry about him for the rest of my life." She says, looking over to Kate again. "He was writing when I got home from class today and I saw something that has me really worried about him, and I know he's not happy. I won't leave him but I also don't want to feel I need to hover around him just to get him to alright with himself."
"So," Kate attempts, "why are you here?"
Alexis wrings her fingers together again. "I'm here to tell you that if you want to get him back... stop thinking about yourself and put yourself in his shoes for a change. Dad always said that you were good at what you do because you empathized with the victims, well... maybe you should try and do that with him." She says with a condifent force in her voice. "Stop trying to defend yourself, stop lying to him, and stop pretending like you didn't hurt him as much as you did."
Kate feels Alexis stare right through her and after a tense moment between them, Kate nods and looks away. "I was going to apologize tomorrow, Alexis." She says, but Alexis is already shaking her head to herself.
"Please," Alexis says and lifts her hand, "don't apologize unless you're really sorry. Because all you'll be doing is lying to him again." Alexis bores her emotionally glimmering eyes into her again. "And if you're not," she starts with a shrug, "then I don't know what to do." She finishes and turns around to make for the entrance.
But Kate is stopping her, "Alexis." She says firmly.
Alexis stops with her hand ready to pull on the handle, looking over her shoulder.
Kate feels her throat shake. "Why didn't she tell me she had an affair?"
Alexis seems to know what Kate's talking about by the way her eyes relax and the way she nods slowly. "My mom was always a lot smarter than she lets on." She shrugs. "Just because my dad never said anything to poison me against her didn't stop her from trying it with me." She says to herself. "My dad doesn't like talking about it, but... my mom," she shakes her head, "she's the kind of person that would rather poison the entire cake if it wasn't made for her. If she doesn't get to be the center of attention, she'll make sure no one else is either."
Kate feels her eyes burn, remembering exactly how much guilt and blame she'd put on him after asking Meredith what had happened. "He..." she tries in a voice that's barely even there. "He never... how come he never told me about it?"
Alexis looks away and shrugs. "Because he still thinks it's somehow his fault."
All the air is pulled from Kate's body as Alexis pulls open the door and darts outside. With her heart shattered inside of her chest, Kate drags her feet across the store and looks out the entrance to see Alexis marching across the parking lot, reaching up to her face with her hand and swatting away at her cheeks just as the driver side door of the pick up opens and the driver steps out. Alexis quickly makes for him and puts her arms around his neck. She watches for a moment as the guy hangs his arms out to his sides for a moment before slowly putting them around her and rubbing her back.
It's later that night when Rick is standing at the shore of the lake. Alexis is out on her date with the guy she met and has been gone all afternoon. He seemed like a decent, stand-up kind of guy. He made it clear and wasn't afraid to tell him that he wasn't worried about what he thought of him, instead was more worried about what Alexis thought of him. He seemed like the kind of guy that had nothing to hide, didn't seem as if he had any ulterior motives or was putting up a facade to impress him.
He's glad that Alexis has found someone like that.
But now, he's just sitting here on the bank of his lakefront property, watching the sky turn dark as the sun sets. The town is quiet, with the only sounds being of frogs croaking, birds flapping their wings from tree to tree, a woodpecker off in the distance knocking away, and the sound of the water in front of him.
His peace is disturbed momentarily by the sound of a car passing by on the street behind him. Waiting for it to pass before going back to listening to the sounds of the nature around him, it takes a moment before he hears the engine turn off and the sound of a door open, then get shut a few seconds later. He lets out a breath, thinking it must be Greg getting home late again. Traffic was probably heavy.
But after another moment, he can hear the grass getting disturbed behind him as a set of footsteps approach. He feels himself harden, a thick layer of ice forming. "It's beautiful out tonight." She says in a low voice.
Rick doesn't respond, instead just keeps his hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans.
Kate looks at him from a distance of a good six feet or so, looking at his outfit of jeans, wingtips, and a lightly colored button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up. His hair is more styled to that of what it used to be, as opposed to the dryer spikier look it usually has in the morning. "You can actually see stars here." She says on a light chuckle, looking up to the sky. "We never got to see stars in New York."
Rick sighs harshly and turns around, taking his hands from his pockets and looking up the hill to her. "What do you want, Beckett?" He asks impatiently before seeing her. She already has tears running down her face. He can tell they've been there for a while.
When she looks down to meet his eyes, she blinks and looks defeated already. Her voice sounds soiled as she shakes her head emotionally. "I'm sorry."
Rick nods, a pain forming in his stomach. "But?" He starts for her and takes a step up the hill.
But Kate is shaking her head, looking him in the eye as she approaches him from up the hill. "No," she starts, "not this time." She says, stopping a few feet away from him. "This isn't an attempt to dismiss what I did to you, Rick. I'm... I'm through defending myself. What I did..." she shakes her head, "you have every reason in the world to push me away. I would too. I am..." she says, her voice trembling, "so sorry... for everything I put you through. From... from letting you worry about Vaughn, to lying to you about my interview, and not coming to talk to you that day... I'm sorry for everything, Rick." She says, her voice breaking just before she says his name.
Rick clenches his jaw and cranes his neck.
"Rick," she breathes, taking another step down the hill toward him as he looks back up to her, "if you think I don't regret what I let happen between us, you're wrong."
"You broke my heart, Beckett." He says in a firm tone with an underbite of held-back anger.
"I know that, Rick," she says in a soiled tone as she moves down the hill to stand in front of him, perpendicular to the lake. "And I have to break it again if I'm going to stop lying to you." She says, looking up to his eyes.
Rick hardens again as she steps in front of him. "What do you mean?"
Kate pinches her lips together and swallows. "Castle, I never quit the AG's office."
Rick's brow pinches and his eyes dilate with worry. "What are you talking about?" He asks in a low, cautious tone.
"I lied when I told you I quit the AG's office." She says again. "The truth is I was fired."
"You were fired?" He asks, but Kate is lifting her hands to him, already shaking her head to try and get him to stop. "For what?"
"No, Rick, I can't tell you, please understand." She pleads, stepping into him with frightful tears in her eyes.
"Well, I don't understand, Kate, what is-"
"No, Rick, please!" She begs, stepping into him fully with her hands on his chest. "I know that you not getting to know something is usually a dog whistle for you to run head first at it but I'm begging you, please don't press me on this!" She pleads with him emotionally, tears falling down her face. "All I can tell you," she starts again, taking a step back and letting her hands slide off his chest, only now letting herself really feel him, "is that I'm really lucky to get to stand here in front of you."
Rick nods at her sternly. "So you were fired." He states plainly. Kate closes her mouth and doesn't respond. "You never... quit because it wasn't what you thought it was."
Kate shakes her head. "No."
Rick nods again, "And lying to me about the NYPD? What was that exactly?" He demands.
Her throat closes again. "Rick, because of what happened while I was at the AG's office, I've been barred from law enforcement."
HIs brow furrows softly for a moment before his eyes seem to soften. "Barred from law enforcement?"
Kate nods. "I went back to try and get my job back with the NYPD after the AG's office fired me and they told me that I've been blacklisted by the federal government." She tells him pointedly. "I can never work in law enforcement again... in any capacity." She says, another line of hot tears falling down either side of her face.
When she lets the silence fall over them again, Rick cranes his neck and nods. "So..." he starts in a low voice, "I really am your last choice after all." He says, sounding pained. "You only came to find me because you didn't have anywhere else to go."
Kate feels her eyes well up again. "Now you know why I lied to you." She tells him in a soiled voice. "But Rick," she says, taking another step back into him, "if you want the truth, I love you more now... and I ever have before any of this happened." She says, looking directly into his eyes. "I know it took getting it taken from me to see it, but I got to see what my life is like without you, and just because I didn't give it up before it got taken from me doesn't mean it meant more to me than my relationship with you does. Rick," she says, trying to reach for his hands, but pulls back and just decides to put her hands on his stomach, "I know you won't believe me now, but my relationship with you was the best thing that ever happened to me. And I'm sorry I let things fall apart, but that doesn't mean that I stopped loving you, because I never did."
Rick gives her a moment, icing himself over against her as she lets her hands fall off his abs. "Kate, if you really meant any of that, you would have said it when you first came back."
When his words hit her ears, she feels another emotion start to take over.
"I'm tired of playing this game with you. I'm not doing it anymore." He says to her plainly and turns away from her to start up the hill.
But before he can take a step, her hand flies up and she latches onto his arm, her nails digging harshly into his bicep. Rick looks back and sees her jaw is clenched and her eyes are drained of emotion. When Rick tries to pull his arm away, Kate only tightens her grip. After a moment, her eyes flick up to him and she pulls on his arm with all her strength to drag him back down the hill in front of her, looking up to him with confident anger.
"Listen," she says in a low voice, standing directly in front of him, "I've been trying like hell to open myself up to you for two weeks and now, after the first time I've ever poured my heart out to anyone in my entire life, all you give me is another lecture. Well, if you're so hell bent on pushing me away, then I want you to just say it." She demands sternly.
"Say what?" He demands back.
Kate lifts her hand and jabs him in the chest with her finger. "I want you to look me in the eye and tell me that you don't love me anymore." She says, looking him directly in the eye.
All Rick can do is stand there, with his heart going into his throat, not being able to even form the words in his mind. "I've moved on, Kate."
"That's not what I said!" She says through clenched teeth, jabbing him in the chest with her finger again angrily. "I said that I want you to look me straight in the eye... and tell me... that you don't love me anymore... and that there is no hope for us." She challenges him, never looking away from his eyes.
When the heart that's lodged in his throat shakes, he feels all of the armor he suited himself with fall off.
And Kate can see the moment when he cranes his neck that she got through to him. But when he looks back up to her, finally showing her what was underneath it all, all she sees in his glimmering eyes is the depth of his pain as he arches his brow, his lips in a thin line. It's as if she put herself back in the moment when he first realized she was never coming.
She didn't just break his heart. It's like she shattered his soul.
"You left me for a job, Kate." He says in a shaky, soiled voice. "I wanted us to be together for the rest of our lives. I wanted to work everything out with you. After everything we'd been through..." he says, shaking his head, his eyes on the verge of breaking. "I thought I'd gotten over the worst of what heartbreak had to put me through but having to accept that you were never coming back was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. So it doesn't matter how I feel now... because I'm not going to take the risk of having to do it all over again."
When he turns and slowly starts up the hill back toward his house, it takes a moment for Kate to find her voice. "Rick."
He slows to a stop at the top of the hill and turns back around silently, his expression still etched with emotion.
Kate meets his eyes and starts up the hill with a calm, lidded gaze, never looking away from him. She approaches him almost casually and takes his jaw in her hands, leaning up to press her lips against his before he can stop her. Her chest expands to bursting at the breath she draws in as she kisses him, pulling on his jaw and pressing her lips against him as firmly as she can, just as she did that stormy night. After a few long, seconds, her body tingling at the incredible feeling of his lips and her breath still ringing with the taste of him, she pulls away, setting the heels of her running shoes back down into the grass and stroking his cheek with her thumb before letting him go.
She opens her eyes slowly to see him standing rigidly, his eyes closed and his brow creased. "I know we still love each other, Rick." She says softly, her lips turning up in the corners. She reaches under the collar of her shirt and pulls out her necklace, taking the engagement ring in her fingers and showing it to him. "And one day," she says with a smile, "you'll put this ring on my finger... because that's the only way a ring will ever end up on my finger, Rick... is if you put it there. I understand better than anyone not being able to admit it," she says with a soft smile and takes another step into him, letting the ring dangle from the necklace again, "but I know you still love me."
He doesn't respond, only remains silent.
"And just like you were," she says in a soft, assuring voice, "I'll be here, waiting for you to be ready." Kate reaches up and puts a hand on his chest, directly over his heart. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
He stays frozen in place as Kate makes her way back toward her car and drives away.
Her lips felt just as soft and honest as they did that first night.
A/N: Pivotal chapter or what? :o
