A/N: I have been blown away by all the support and feedback for this fic. There will be more angst and pain in this chapter, but what else would we expect from these two? An extra special thanks to my girls Heather, Stephanie, and Blue. I made you work hard for this one. Pease keep posting those reviews, they mean so much to me!
Chapter 3:
It has been a long day. A very long day. Harvey just finished getting Simon's proposal together so he can send it first thing tomorrow and all he wants now is a glass of scotch and his bed.
He shuts his computer down and heads to the elevator. He is relieved to see that Donna's light is out. The last thing he needs is another conversation about how happy she is with someone else.
He caught her off her guard this morning and therefore saved himself from hearing how sorry she was that she hadn't chosen him. He can handle a lot. He's always had thick skin. But Donna's pity? That he can't stomach.
He gets in the elevator and pushes the lobby button.
Just before the doors fully close, someone slips through.
Donna.
She had waited for him. She would never admit it, but she basically hid and waited for him. She figured an ambush was her only shot at getting him alone. And she couldn't face another night without talking this through.
Harvey clenches his jaw but stares straight ahead. Just having her this close is making his palms sweat. He doesn't say a word.
"Just listen, okay?" Donna says in her I know better than you do tone.
"I didn't tell you, because I didn't know how to. Things between us are… complicated and I know you know what I mean, Harvey. You didn't tell me about Paula right away either. " She pauses. She wants to reach out to him but despite how well she knows him, she can't get a read on what he's thinking right now. He's just staring at the doors. His fists balled up at his sides.
Harvey's heart rate is picking up with every word Donna says. He doesn't want to hear any of this from her. He worries that if she says one word about Thomas being special or the fact that's she's happy with him he might just lose his shit. All he can think about is getting her to stop talking. Maybe he could shut up that sexy mouth with his own. Shut it, and then reopen it… with his tongue.
"Harvey. I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you. I did. But things were finally in a good place with us. We were back to being friends."
Harvey hears her say the word 'friends' and his control snaps. He turns to face Donna with an intensity in his eyes that causes her to step backward.
In two aggressive strides, he pins her against the wall and does just as he envisioned. He lowers his mouth to hers with a kiss so full of passion, she can feel every emotion coursing through him as he transfers them all to her.
Hunger. Anger. Need. Pain.
Donna clutches onto his jacket as he pushes his body against hers and grinds his thigh between her legs. He slides his tongue into her mouth and elicits a groan from her throat that drives him nearly mad.
When the doors open with a ding, he finally tears his mouth from hers and they both gasp for air.
"Friends, huh?" his whispers in her ear, his voice raspy. "Is that what we are?"
He stalks out leaving her shocked and breathless.
As the doors start to close, Donna regains her composure and runs after him.
"Harvey!" she shouts as he continues toward the doors. "Harvey, God Damnit! Talk to me! I deserve that much."
That stops him in his tracks. He spins around and faces her.
"You deserve that much?" he yells.
Both are screaming now, in the lobby of this upscale office building. A bit of deja-vu. Luckily it's late and no one is really around to question them.
"What about what I deserve? How about a little honesty for starters?" he counters.
"Are you really that upset that I told Louis before you? I told you why I didn't —"
"This doesn't have a damn thing to do with Louis or anyone else you told, Donna. This has to do with me. With us!"
"What are you talking about Harvey? You aren't making any sense!" Donna says, completely exasperated.
"I'm talking about your fucking rule, Donna. All these years I've forced myself to keep things professional. Knowing that if I ever crossed that line, ever broke your rule, I'd be risking losing you. And the pitiful part is that I actually believed you. I respected your rule even though I cursed you for having it. Then you went and broke it. For Stephen Fucking Huntley! And that stung. That really stung, Donna. But I chalked it up to a mistake. Even the great Donna Paulsen isn't perfect. And I got over it." He chokes on the last part as his eyes fill up.
Donna is frozen in place. She can't believe the words coming from Harvey's mouth. All these years… He had wanted more? He wanted her?
"Harvey… I —"
"But now? Now you've broken your rule again, for Thomas. And finally, I get it." He chuckles but there is no humor in it. "You never really had a damn rule. You just used it to keep me at bay."
His tone is so accusatory Donna wants to shield herself with her hands.
"Oh, you want me." Harvey continues in a deeper tone as he steps closer. His suggestive tone giving away his meaning. "I could feel that. You just don't want to be with me. I get it, Donna. I wouldn't want to be with me either."
Donna's eyes spill over as she watches him walk out of the doors and into the night. The things he had said were so harsh and hurtful yet somehow she felt she had deserved every single word.
She stands there and just lets his words sink in. Had she done exactly as he said? Had she kept him at arm's length all these years and then blamed him for not letting her in?
Donna finally gains enough control to walk out of the building and is relieved that she had told Thomas she couldn't get together tonight. She has some serious soul searching to do.
When she reaches the curb she's surprised to see the Lexus idling there. For a moment, she thinks he's waited for her.
Ray steps out of the driver's seat.
"Harvey asked me to drive you home." His tone is somber like he knows the situation isn't good. "He said he needed the air," he continues when Donna looks confused.
She simply nods and gets in.
On the drive, Donna lets her mind shift from Harvey's words to his actions. From the things he said with his voice, to things he said with his body.
Absently, she places her fingertips to her lips and closes her eyes. There's a stir in her core as the feeling of his tongue in her mouth resurfaces. The pressure of his thigh between hers.
Donna adjusts her position on the seat at the thought.
This kiss was nothing like the one they had shared in her office. It was aggressive. Possessive. It was so… Harvey, and she hadn't wanted it to stop.
...
Right after getting home and changing into her pajamas, Donna gets a call from Rachel. She has been avoiding this conversation, but right now she feels so hollowed out, she knows she needs her friend.
"Hey, Rach."
"Donna! Oh my God, finally. Why haven't you called?" Rachel's voice is a little high pitched.
"Listen, we can talk all about that in a minute. But first…" she braces herself to say the words out loud. "Harvey just pinned me to the wall in the elevator and… kissed me."
"WHAT?" Rachel gasps.
"I mean, really kissed me."
"Donna, that's huge!" She whispers the word 'huge' like someone might overhear.
"You don't know the half of it." Donna sighs. "I'm still in shock, to be honest. I can't feel my fingers or toes."
Donna walks her through everything that had happened that day. About the awkward conversation in Harvey's office, ambushing him in the elevator, the unexpected kiss, and of course the yelling match in the lobby.
"He said I seem to break my rule for everyone but him. He accused me of basically making it up to protect myself from getting involved with him."
"Can I be honest?" Rachel asks tentatively.
"Of course."
"He has a point, Donna, about the rule. And I think you know it."
Donna considers Rachel's words before continuing.
"Maybe. I don't know. But I'm in a relationship with Thomas now and he's… perfect, Rach. He really is. He's stable and sensitive and he makes me feel so special."
"But?"
Donna feels a little apprehensive admitting to this. Especially considering the fight they just had. But this is her best friend and she needs to get it out.
"That kiss from Harvey was so… intense. I could feel how much he wanted me. I think he was trying to show me what I was missing. He pushed me up against the wall so hard I think I squealed." She pauses, not sure how much to say. "He opened my lips with his tongue, and, I thought I was going to melt into a puddle right there in the elevator."
"And Thomas?"
Donna knows what Rachel is implying, but she doesn't respond. Thomas doesn't make her feel that way. No one but Harvey ever has.
"What are you going to do, Donna? Isn't this what you've always wanted? To be with Harvey?" Rachel asks sincerely.
"I just don't know if I can risk happiness in a real relationship, for whatever dysfunctional thing this is with Harvey. What if he's just jealous or going through some kind of mid-life crisis? Donna pulls her knees up to her chest as her eyes start to sting.
"Listen Donna, Harvey came to you the other night and said he wanted to talk. He's never done that in 13 years. I mean, after what he said to Mike, maybe he's actually ready?"
"What did he say to Mike, exactly?" Donna's curiosity piqued.
"Maybe you should ask Harvey that." Rachel smirks.
…..
Harvey is halfway home before he notices it's freezing outside. With his adrenaline pumping and mind racing, he hadn't even noticed. If he wasn't wearing a suit he would have broken into a full sprint by now.
He was furious. Teeth grinding, bullet spitting, blood boiling livid.
He had finally called Donna out on all her bullshit. All these years he had toed the fucking line when it came to her and her rule, just to realize that the damn line didn't really exist. He had been beating himself up the past couple of days about being too late. About waiting too long to come to terms with how he felt about her, but now he's changed his tune. HE wasn't the reason they hadn't ended up together! She was!
As he walks several more blocks, the biting cold starts to permeate through his clothes. Slowly, it seems to cool his temper. He pulls his jacket tightly around his chest, with each step, his anger dissipating. Bit by bit.
The truth is, the rage is just a way to avoid what he is really feeling. Anger is familiar. Comfortable even. But rejection? This is new, and Harvey doesn't like it one bit.
"Fuck…," he mutters as he runs his hands through his hair and then blows into them for warmth. He crosses the street to his building and looks forward to the warmth of his apartment and the scotch waiting for him upstairs.
After his first glass of scotch, Harvey decides on a hot shower because the heater in his apartment isn't ridding him of the chill in his bones. As he steps under the steaming stream of water his entire body tingles with a burning sensation. The way it feels when you lower yourself into a bubbling jacuzzi.
As his body starts to recover and warmth spreads to his extremities, he is taken back to the moment his lips met Donna's. He had been so caught up in being mad, that this is the first moment since leaving her in that lobby, that he reflects on their kiss.
He knows it was selfish. Reckless even. But he had needed to show her. To make her feel what she was doing to him. He needed her to know.
With both his hands on the wall Harvey lets the heat of the water run over his face. He closes his eyes and gives himself over to the memory. It's vivid. He can almost feel her mouth, her tongue. Her body.
Harvey's hands clench into fists on the wall of his shower as his body responds to what his mind is bringing to life. Torn between need and regret he slides his hand from the wall down his body, and releases the pressure, and the pain, the only way he knows how.
…
The following morning Harvey calls Simon to see if he received the paperwork for Thomas's deal.
"I hate to waste everyone's time, but I won't be signing it." Simon sighs.
Harvey freezes with the baseball he's tossing in his hand. "Why the hell not?"
"Well. It turns out Restoration came back to the table." Simon responds.
"When exactly did that happen?" Harvey asks, not trying to disguise his tone.
The conversation goes from bad to worse as Harvey realizes that the exact concern that had made him hesitant in the first place had come to fruition. Simon was going to screw Thomas over, and he was planning to use Harvey to do it.
As far as Harvey sees it, he has three choices. One, do as Simon asks and close the deal with Restoration, resulting in Thomas (and Alex) being fucked and Donna never forgiving him. Two, tell Alex what's going down, therefore breaking privilege, and seeing if he can restore Thomas's previous deal. Or three, find a way to keep Restoration out of the deal and leave Simon no choice but to stick with Thomas. Which would most likely result in him getting fired by Simon.
Just as the graveness of the situation settles in, his phone buzzes in his pocket. He pulls it out and sees a text from Mike.
I've left you three messages. Call me. Seriously, Harvey. Don't shut me out.
He sighs and gazes out to the New York skyline. There is a part of him, buried so deep he can barely access it, that wants to call Mike. To know what it feels like to find comfort in a friend. It's something he's never really had. But as quick as the thought comes, it goes. It's replaced with wishing he had never told Mike in the first place.
After thinking over the situation with Simon for the afternoon, Harvey decides the best chance of success is a combination of options two and three.
Alex isn't thrilled, to say the least, but considering he doesn't see a better solution, he agrees to Harvey's plan.
…..
Donna hasn't seen Harvey all day. She's not really sure if she's avoiding him or if it's the other way around, but regardless, it seems to be working. She has a few things she wants to say to him after last night, but she's nowhere near ready.
She had met Thomas for coffee earlier that morning, mostly because she couldn't avoid it. He called last night after she hung up with Rachel and since she wasn't in the right frame of mind for talking to him, she said she had a headache from a long day at work. He suggested meeting for coffee in the morning, telling her he wanted to share some exciting news.
She knew about the partnership offer, of course, but she felt awkward admitting to Thomas that Harvey had told her. She felt awkward even mentioning his name, actually.
Thomas was his normal charming self and it made Donna feel sick to her stomach. Harvey had really thrown her off her game last night and she was having trouble getting back on track.
"The real reason I'm so happy is that there isn't anyone I'd rather share this with than you," Thomas said, reaching across the table and taking Donna's hand.
"Thomas," Donna smiled, "I am so happy for you. It really sounds like this deal could change your life for the better." She squeezed his hand.
"My life has already changed for the better, Donna." He had brought her hand to his mouth and kissed it. "This deal is just good business."
Now, Donna is sitting at her desk thinking back on her morning and getting absolutely nothing accomplished.
"Penny for your thoughts?" Alex interrupts her reverie, leaning on the door jam.
"I'm sorry, what?" Donna looks up from the pen she was twirling unconsciously in her hand.
"I said, penny for your thoughts." Alex walks into the office. "You looked like you were a million miles away."
"Sorry, I was just… ah." She shakes her head, unable to articulate an explanation.
"That's okay, Donna. I was just wondering if you had that paperwork you were looking over for me?"
"Oh, right. Sure. It's right here." She finds his file on her desk and hands it over.
"Thanks, Donna," he says on his way out.
"Oh. Alex? How is everything going with Thomas's deal? Do you think it'll close today."
Something passes across Alex's face, but he quickly recovers. Not quick enough for it to get past Donna, though.
"It won't be today. Harvey's still waiting on approval from Simon's board," he says. Quick on his feet.
"I thought they needed board approval before they made the offer?" she questions. She has an uneasy feeling that something shady is going on.
"True, but there were a few minor changes that still have to get pushed through." Alex attempts to smile as he walks out, but it looks a lot more like a grimace to Donna.
Why does she have a sinking suspicion that Harvey is behind this? So much for avoiding him.
She marches right into his office as if last night had never happened. Taking a page right from Harvey's playbook.
She shuts the door behind her and walks right up to his desk.
"I want to know what's going on with Thomas's deal, Harvey. And I want to know right now." She's impressed with how steady she keeps her voice, despite the sight of him making her weak in the knees.
Harvey barely glances up at her and begins shuffling files on his desk that don't need shuffling.
"We're not having this conversation, Donna," he matches her tone. All business.
"Yes, Harvey, we are. Because I just had a very strange talk with Alex and I've been in this business long enough to know when something has gone sideways. Thomas's deal is in trouble isn't it?"
"I'm not going to tell you what's going on," Harvey says, still unable to make eye contact with her.
"Fine, Harvey. You know, I've always known you could be a selfish prick, but this is low even for you. Are you really going to tank Thomas's deal because of what happened between us?"
Harvey's head snaps up.
"Is that what you think is happening here, Donna? I guess I was right then, about what kind of man you think I am." For the first time since last night, their eyes lock.
Donna begins to doubt that she has read the situation correctly when she sees the pain in Harvey's eyes.
"I'm not tanking Thomas's deal, Donna. Simon is. And I've been breaking my back trying to save it."
Donna feels a bit dizzy. Harvey's eyes are shiny with the moisture of building tears as he looks away from her.
"Harvey… I'm sorry. I could just tell something was wrong, and this deal means everything to Thomas. And I thought, after last night..."
"I know what you thought. And I know how much Thomas means to you." He gets up and walks to the window. "I need you to give me some time to fix this," he says with his back to her. "You can't tell him, Donna, or you will seal all of our fates." Harvey's voice sounds defeated. There is no anger. Just sadness.
"Okay, Harvey. I won't tell him. But you have to fix this."
"Twenty-four hours, Donna. Just give me that."
"Twenty-four hours," she echoes and walks out.
