September 21, 1996

"Wait, you two are going to do what?" Harry asked, leaning back in his squishy armchair.

"Well, you know…" Hermione trailed off.

"We're going to give that idiot McClaggan a taste of his own medicine," Ginny rolled her eyes in explanation.

"He wants to play with fire, so we're going to give him fire… and ice." Hermione said more calmly.

"Wait, are you saying that I get to be ok with some bloke hitting on my girlfriend?" Harry said blinking at Hermione and Ginny.

"Really, that's what you're concerned about?" Hermione scoffed. "Not the fact that he's already attempted to put the moves on her or the fact that she's told him to bugger off? You at least get a head's up. Fred doesn't even get to know. Merin knows the carney cream puffs would ruin the whole plan."

"Who's the fire and who's the ice in this situation?" Harry asked. Hermione and Ginny shared a look before laughing. "Guess that answers that question."

"Look, if something does happen, then you can beat the shit out of him," Ginny said taking his hand. "The whole Gryffindor sixth year dorms can do it for we care. It will finally teach him his lesson. This isn't like like last year with Draco. I love you, there's nothing to be worried about."

Harry let out a sigh. "What's the plan?"


Meanwhile, Ron found himself in a situation he couldn't quite explain. The Patil twins were staring at him with wide, questioning eyes, and he wasn't sure how to answer. He'd apparently taken too long, because Pavarti repeated, "Please, Ron. It's practically a rite of passage. And who better than a Weasley boy?"

"Are you a thousand percent sure?" Ron asked, wanting to do this right. As far as he knew, Charlie was the only other Weasley to get this close to this opportunity. He really hoped Fred and George hadn't engaged in this particular rite, and if they had that Hermione never found out.

Padma was the one that laughed as she answered. "Of course we're sure. I mean, I hate getting asked to have a menage a trois by uncultured little boys, but you never asked. You never even assumed. I think we should reward that behavior. What do you think, Pav?"

"I think that Ron lost his mum and his dad in one night. I think he needs a little cheering up. Besides, he's the only single boy we know who won't hold it over our heads in the morning." Pavarti said as she ran a hand down Ron's arm.

"Neville wouldn't do that." Ron defended his friend. He was confused when the twins laughed at him.

"Of course he wouldn't. But he's taken." Padma laughed. "But you can't tell anyone because they think they're being sneaky."

"Oh," Ron said as if he understood, but he really didn't.

"Come on, Ron. Just one night, in the Room of Requirements. Give us this, then we'll all be better off for the awkward fumbling." Pavarti argued, batting her eyelashes.

"Yeah, why not. Let's have a threeway." Ron shrugged and the twins led him away. Maybe he would figure out what Charlie found so fascinating with all those extra partners.


Ron stumbled up to his dorm early in the morning, trying to sneak in quietly but not managing it. He collapsed onto his bed in a haze, not sure the night before had actually happened.

"Where you been?" Harry asked, peering out from under his blanket.

"Don't worry about it. Still not convinced it's not a dream." Ron answered, staring at the canopy over his bed.

"What's not a dream?" Harry asked, sitting up.

"I think I just had a threeway with the Patil twins. I think Charlie may be onto something." Ron confided. "I don't know if that was the best experience I'll ever have, but I'm beyond sure it's going to be in the top three for a while."

"Shit, mate, who've you been sleeping with that that's just top three?" Harry came fully awake to understand what Ron was saying.

"I mean, we're meeting up next Tuesday, so that could beat it." Ron sat up quickly, echoes of all the lessons his older brothers had taught him about women in his head. "You can't tell anyone about this, Harry. They swore me to secrecy."

"Of course not!" Harry replied just as quickly, reliving the same lessons as Ron.

"It's just… I had to tell someone, you know. Make sure it's real." Ron confided, laying back down and staring at his canopy again. After a moment, he added, "Seamus, you wanker, if you tell anyone, I'll kill you."

"I figured as much," Seamus said sleepily from the other side of the room.

"I figure Dean and I can keep our mouths shut as well," Neville said for his bed.

"Great! Is everyone in this dorm awake!" Ron roared, jumping up from his bed.

"Well, if we weren't before, we are now," Dean said, rolling over to glare as his roommate.

"Shut up, Dean!" Ron yelled again, grabbing his pillow and smacking Dean in the face, instigating what would later be known as the second most destructive pillow fight to ever take place in the Gryffindor tower. The title, obviously, was held by the Marauders.


Hogsmeade Weekend

"Wait, you did what?" Hermione asked, cocking her eyebrow at Fred expectantly.

Fred's face burned bright red as he rubbed the back of his neck and answered, "I got us a room at the Three Broomsticks."

"And what, pray, did you think we'd be doing in that room, hmm?" Hermione asked, causing Fred to duck his head and miss the twinkle in her eye.

"You know, we could… talk, I guess." Fred stammered, finally looking at his girlfriend.

"Or we could just have sex," Hermione smirked at his stunned expression.

"That is totally your call. I'm not suggesting it at all." Fred replied, holding his hands up in mock surrender.

"Yes, Fred. I'm a totally consenting adult. I've turned 17 and everything," Hermione laughed. "Besides, it's why you rented the room, right? Hate to waste this opportunity."

"Yeah, that would be bad," Fred nodded, grabbing her hand and leading her to the stairs.

When they reached the room, Hermione stopped Fred just outside the door. "Before we start something, promise me you aren't just using this as a way to escape your pain."

"No, Hermione, it's not that at all. It's just, we've been discussing it for months. Then, after the funeral, you didn't want to take advantage- which I totally respect- in case I was 'too emotional.' Which I wasn't. I figured we could either sneak away during a Hogsmeade weekend, or we could try to do this during Christmas Hols, while my entire family tries to stop us." Fred reassured her.

"I believe you, Fred." Hermione giggled, leading him into the room he'd paid for. "Now, c'mon. Let's get you all deflowered."

"Yeah, 'cause you're so sexually active," Fred replied with a roll of his eyes.

"So let's get us both deflowered." Hermione shrugged. "Is now really the time for semantics?"

"No, I guess it's not," Fred smirked. Then he kicked the door closed.

Downstairs, Ron grimaced at Harry and Ginny. "They do realize we were here, like, the entire time, right?"

"Of course not! They're in love! If it weren't for Luna and Hermione being interesting, I wouldn't ever pay attention to anyone but Harry." Ginny scoffed at her brother.

"Thanks for that visual." Ron glared back.

"And if you were in love with the Patil twins, you wouldn't be periodically staring Hannah Abbott's arse down," Ginny shot back.

"I never claimed to be in love with the Patil twins! And how do you know about that!" Ron whisper yelled. "I swore Harry to secrecy."

"Yeah? And I live in the 6th year girls dorm, not the 5th. That means I can hear when Lavender and Pavarti gossip about the exact curve of your dick." Ginny glared back. "And I will thank you to stay away from Gryffindors. We're oversharers."

"Oh, yeah? Does that mean you knew Fred was going to seduce Hermione today?" Ron asked accusingly.

"Also, do you overshare with Hermione?" Harry interjected worriedly.

"One, I figure Hermione is doing her fair share of seducing. Two, so what if I do?" Ginny replied, ticking her points off on her fingers and rolling her eyes dramatically.

"No!" Ron shouted. "We're not talking about whatever you and Harry get up to! If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times! The less I know, the less desire I have to punch this git in the face!"

"Don't worry, nothing's happened," Harry grumbled.


As Fred lay basking in the afterglow, he had a sudden rush of emotion. Hermione, damn her, was right. He was using the idea of sex with her as a mental escape from his problems. He was using their whole relationship to escape his problems. He couldn't save his parents, but he could save her. He couldn't help Bill raise Ginny, but he could help Hermione when she couldn't get around. He put so much focus into Hermione and their relationship that he'd forgotten to properly mourn the passing of his parents.

Then there was the fact that he was being targeted for his blood status. He'd never admit it to Hermione, but it wasn't safe for the Weasley's on Diagon Alley. There was a reason they'd had Bill and some of his curse breaker buddies come and ward the shop. Then there was the fact that he couldn't properly join Order missions because he was worried about the impact that it would have on Hermione if something terrible happened to him. He and George had agreed that they needed to avenge their parents' untimely deaths, and Bill had firmly told them that a pranking war on Percy was not the 'appropriate outlet' for their anger. So targeting Death Eaters at large was their best bet. They couldn't do that with

With all of those thoughts in his head, he turned to Hermione and uttered the four most hated, most regretted words in the English language, "We need to talk."


Gabs: Yeah, we know, it's late. We've been busy.

Kat: Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're also working on getting more going. Not making promises.

Gabs: Read, review, make us smile this holiday season.

Kat: We own nothing.

XOXO

Kat & Gabs