It rained last night.

Not very hard, but everything is still wet, so Kate sits on the top step on his porch. His coffee is sitting next to her while she cradles her own in her lap. Beth and Barbra were happy to see her before they quickly started hounding her for details on a murder case that she has no details of. It was antagonizing in some way. Solving murders was her thing, it was their thing. All they could ask was if he had any new clues or suspects, it was only him. She misses that part of them. Working cases, tracking down killers... it's how they fell in love.

Sasha isn't outside and she couldn't hear any barking from inside when she pulled up. She's starting to worry that he didn't know she was coming by again this morning, that they were back to their normal routine of her bringing him coffee every morning and just didn't wait up for her. After she had to run back inside the store yesterday to take care of a party of retirees stocking up on supplies before heading out camping, he left with the same nervous smile he came with and snuck back around to the parking lot to drive off.

She never did get the chance to wrap her arms around him. He just sounded like he needed it. Him talking about how much he loved Alexis and how he would play with her every day after school when she was little, she always feels a smile creep onto her face thinking about what a great father he is. Alexis always seems to bring out the absolute best in him, the man that at first she was surprised to see under all that playboy bravado, childish and dark-humored jokes, all that feigned ego and arrogance.

It's hard to see him as any other type of man now.

Giving into her smile and letting it overtake her, she lifts her cup up to her lips and takes a warm sip against the chilly wind that cuts through the air. It's probably going to rain again today. Kate sets her cup back down to her lap and hears a faint jangle of a dog tag coming from the woods. Her brow knits, thinking that maybe Sasha had gotten out and ran away. After all, he did say that she used to be a runner.

Kate climbs off the top step, pushing herself off the porch and stepping away from the house until she can get an eye line toward the trail. She sees him and her heart expands in fear when she sees him limping heavily, his gym pants and half his dark grey tanktop covered in mud, his bare arms glistening with sweat with the back of his forearms caked in dead leaves and mud. Sasha is close by his side panting, her head tilted down and walking slowly beside him on a leash.

She takes off in a quick jog across his yard as he holds his arm across his stomach, a crippling limp in his left side. "What happened?" She calls as she jogs up to him.

"Ah..." he groans, lifting out his arm that's holding the leash.

Kate takes his signal quickly and takes the leash from him, reaching down give Sasha a quick scratch behind her ears before putting herself into his side, draping his arm across her shoulders and wrapping her own around his back and grasping his side, pulling his weight into her. "You okay?" She asks on a small chuckle as she grasps his forearm that hangs over her shoulder.

"I'm fine." He says through grinding teeth, hopping along with her, his back and his leg and his neck all still throbbing with a dull yet very sharp ache.

"What happened, you get attacked by Big Foot or something?" She asks him, helping him make his way toward the front entrance of his lakehouse.

"I thought you didn't believe in that stuff." He asks back on a pant that matches Sasha's, who's panting by Kate's side, the leash fully slacked.

"My dad and I tend to hear a lot of stories from our regulars, Castle." She says with a smile, moving her hand up his side to hold him more securely, trying to take more weight for him. "So, if it wasn't Big Foot, what happened, huh?" She asks him again, turning her head to look at him as he faces ahead. Her lips are just inches away from his jawline, she can practically feel his rough stubble against the tip of her nose.

"Morning work out routine," he starts as he hops closer to the steps of his porch, "five miles, then as many pull-ups as I can handle."

Kate laughs, feeling her breath fan off his cheek. The closeness hasn't hit her yet. "Pull-ups?"

"I got up to twenty," he pants again as they make it to the driveway, "then the branch decided that twenty was enough." She feels honestly bad for him then. She lets go of his wrist that drapes over her shoulder and moves it to his chest, petting over his heart for a moment. "Branch gave out and I hit my leg wrong."

"Are you okay? Nothing's broken, is it?" She asks him, her worry for him flaring across her skin.

"No, I'm fine," he answers through gritted teeth. "I had Sasha with me, after all." Kate smiles while she grasps his wrist again, looking down to Sasha who still has her tongue hanging out as she strolls along side her. "I haven't seen much of her the past two days, so I decided to take her with me this morning."

"Here," she says as she walks him toward the steps of the porch.

"Be careful," he strains, looking down to the first step as he lifts his foot. "The gutter above the steps is loose so the first few steps get really slippery when it rains."

She slowly eases him up the steps until they reach the top. Once they stop outside his door, Sasha collapses onto her side next to them, out of breath. Rick stops and turns around, looking down to his dog with an open smile, while Kate continues to hold his weight against her. "I can't carry you both inside at the same time, Castle."

"Ah," Rick says and waves his hand at her, seeing Sasha move her eyes up to look at him without lifting her head off of the cool wood, "she'll be fine."

Kate nods and looks turns her head to look at him, her eyes roving over his features for a quick second. "What about you?"

"Yeah," he answers her quickly, his brow pinching as he catches his breath. He turns his head to meet her eyes but is startled back for a second after he feels his nose brush against her's. Both of their breaths hitch loudly as they lean back. Rick stops for a moment, wanting to shake it off until their eyes meet. And it isn't until then that he's aware of the fact that her supportive grip on his side has slackened, her body is turned in toward him now, and her hand that was holding his wrist has fallen away and has ended up on the center of his chest.

"I'll um..." he struggles to answer as neither of them moves or even gesture to separate, "I'll be fine." He says in a strained voice. "I'm... feeling better already, actually."

Kate's eyes narrow as she smiles for a split second before her tightening lungs force another breath out of her tingling body. "Good."

Rick's chest swells, his heart racing. All the voices of doubt and heartbreak are still there, still stopping him. But as she flattens her hand on his chest and her arm slowly snakes around his side, her palm sliding up his spine, he can't give them a voice of their own. Her eyes flick away from his eyes and down to his lips. He knows her, they've kissed for hours and he knows her. Looking down to his lips was always the last sign she gave him before moving in. "Kate-"

The soft timber of his voice is the trigger that sends her forward, thrusting her lips onto his in a firm, passionate kiss. They both suck in a long breath when their lips meet, sitting firmly against each other, frozen completely still and completely void of thought, except for that of the feeling of their lips. Her unexpected kiss has taken them both over.

Kissing her again just feels so incredible. Everything about it, from the softness of her lips to how perfectly they seem to meld against his, everything just feels... right.

Rick opens his lips, moves his hand to the small of her back and pulls her body flush against his chest, taking her lips again in another slow, very passionate kiss that feels like the gasoline poured on a campfire whose last flame just went out while the embers are still warm. When he pulls her against him, her arm freezes and she's left holding it up over his shoulder until her body melts against him and she drapes it over him and around his neck.

"Mmm..." she moans in a small squeak into his mouth, her legs turning to jelly the harder he seems to kiss her.

His arm moves around the middle of her back in a vice, pulling more and more of her weight against him until she's practically lifted off her feet with hour tight he's holding her against him, kissing her as passionately as he can.

She breaks the kiss and turns her head to get more of him and to deepen the kiss. She moves back in and takes his lips again in a deep, longing kiss that steals what little air she has left until his hands grab onto her sides in a flash. Before she knows it, she's shoved off of him hard. Her body drained of life in that instant, the world stopping, she feels locked up, the only thing going through her mind is the loss of his lips and his body and arms. She hears him let out a hard, frustrated breath and it seems to kick start her mind. Her eyes flutter open and she can see him looking down to the ground with an etched expression.

Her veins flood with shame and guilt in that moment for digging them down further into the pit of complication that she's already dug them in too far to even see the light above. "I-I'm..." she tries, struggling to keep her voice steady over her racing heart. "I'm sorry." She finally gets out, moving her hands out from around his shoulders and dragging them down the firm expanse of his chest, his pants and his arms still caked in wet mud.

She can hear him swallow, "I thought you said the next time we kissed, it would have to be for the right reason." He begins, feeling his hands tremble against her sides.

Kate gives him a nod, noticing he's still holding her and taking it as permission to keep caressing his chest. "I also said that I missed you." She answers back in a soft, deep voice, not feeling as if she has to put any distance between them now. She watches him intently as he keeps his eyes fixed on a point on the ground, his brow set in a hard line. Moving her hands sensuously over his chest, she starts, "And I do miss you, Rick."

He gives her a hard sigh as he cranes his neck. "Kate..."

"Why won't you just give me another chance?" She finally asks him in a tone that stings with emotion as she takes a step closer to him. "Why are you still fighting me so hard?"

"It's not that simple." He states plainly, grasping her sides but hesitating to push her away.

"Rick, I love you." She says, nodding her head over to try and catch his eyes. She sees the words have no effect on him and it stings, knowing how much hearing him say those words to her broke her every time she heard them. "You don't know what it's like to love someone the way I love you and have them just push you away."

She can feel him twinge under her palms and it startles her. His face hardens and he looks back up to her, his gaze lidded and cold.

But when he looks up to her with this cold expression, she hears what she just said and sees him standing in her living room in her apartment in Manhattan, his brow arched and his eyes glimmering with tears, pouring his heart out to her, even after everything she put him through. She remembers it clearly, down to the twisting feeling in her gut. She can even remember exactly what he said. Her head nods down and she feels another cold shiver hit her with the wind. "Rick, if this is how you felt for all those years, how did you manage to stick around for so long?"

Rick's muscles stiffen under her touch as she shuffles closer to him again. "Because I know what I was waiting for was worth it." He answers her in a calm, steady voice, looking into her eyes as he says it. She meets his gaze, feeling her body tingle and flutter. He lets out another soft sigh as he looks away. "Kate, I don't want you to think that I don't miss what we had." Her heart bursts at that, feeling as if it's the first instance of hope for them. "I don't want you to think that... you leaving me poisoned the time we spent together..."

It's just the time we spent together made it harder to bear, he thinks to himself, too weak and vulnerable to say it.

He swats away the thought and slides his hands down her sides to hang onto her hips. "I just need time, okay?"

Her heart falls into the pit of her stomach, but she's shaking her head after a moment. "No."

His eyes drift shut and he leans back. "Kate-"

"I don't want any more time apart from you, Rick." She says demandingly, stepping into him again. "I want you back. So just..." she struggles to contain all of her emotion, tempered with anger and frustration, "just tell me what it is you need from me. Just tell me what I have to do to get you to believe that we can make it work again and I'll do it."

"Kate, I-" he begins, but cuts himself when he hears her phone start ringing in her pocket. His face falls into a dull expression of impatience. Kate's eyes drift shut and she starts to shake her head. "Some things never change, I guess."

"Uhh..." Kate sighs audibly, her eyes drifting shut as she reaches for her phone. "If this is Ryan, I swear I'm going to kill someone."

Rick's hands fall off her sides finally and she takes it as her cue to turn away from him as she answers the call from her dad. "Hey, Dad."

While she's on the phone, Rick carefully bends down to get Sasha's attention, who's still laying on her side down onto the deck. She lifts her head up off the porch to look back at her master and he nods his head back toward the door. As he opens it, Sasha wags her long, stringy tail once and pushes herself up off the porch and slowly drags herself inside.

"No, I'll talk to him, it's fine, it's important, after all." Kate continues on the phone, turning around and seeing Rick has opened the door and is waiting in the doorway. She forces a smile, silently apologizing for having to be on the phone. He lifts his hand and moves inside, closing the door behind him.


It started sprinkling some time around eleven o'clock. Rick is in his office that overlooks the lake, brooding out the window. Sasha is sound asleep on the loveseat next to his desk.

He wanted to tell her. He just didn't have it in him. He just had to give into her for that moment. Feeling her body against him, tasting her lips again. Yesterday took a lot out of him, but it wasn't in the moment that it drained him. He knows that if she'd just kept on him, maybe even if she had just kept sitting there with that soft, aching look in her big brown eyes, he would have spilled it all out. He knows a part of him needs to... that it needs to be her that hears all of it. Not even for the sake of their dead relationship she's spent all her time trying to bring back. Just for his sake, a final hurdle to tell the woman who's been next to impossible to talk to everything he's never told anyone before.

His phone buzzes next to his laptop on his desk for a few seconds, followed by Sasha's tags jangling as she lifts her head off the couch to inspect the noise. Rick moves across his office, reaches down and scratches Sasha's ear and earning a deep moan from her as she falls back asleep, and answers his phone. "Castle."

"Hi," her light, naturally happy voice sounds on the other end.

Rick feels one part of him relax and untense and another part of him tighten with nervousness. "Sierra."

"Hi," she says again, and Rick can practically hear her smile split across her face by the sound of her voice. "I was just calling to check in."

Rick smiles as he falls down onto the loveseat next to Sasha, who quickly stands up to turn around and lay her head down on his leg. "Check in? Why am I in trouble?" He asks in a humorous tone.

"Ha," Sierra chuckles lightly, "no, not at all, nothing like that. It's just you were pretty upset when you left the station yesterday. I wanted to make sure you were alright today since I wasn't going to see you."

Rick feels his heart ice over. "Yeah, I'm fine." He says in as natural a tone as he can manage, petting his fingers through Sasha's thick fur. But on the other end of the line, Sierra's silence, knowing who's on the other end, probably just sitting down and smiling, it pulls it out of him. "It's just if there's one thing on the planet I hate more than anything, it's an abusive parent."

"Yeah," Sierra says in a small voice. "You must take parenting pretty seriously."

Rick shakes his head to himself as he focuses on Sasha's soft fur as his fingers run through it on her back. "I just love my daughter like crazy, it doesn't really have anything to do with proving anything to anyone." He explains, taking a moment for himself. "I just know from the moment I held her that I'd push her out of the way of anything to save her and the only regret I'd have is not being able to do it again." He hears Sierra let out a small, breathy chuckle. "I guess I just don't understand the kind of parents that would just stand by and watch."

"Well," Sierra starts again, "Rick, if you need someone to talk to, you can call me. I mean," she pauses while Rick can hear her smile again, "I'm not exactly a professional. Well, not any- you..." she stops on a sigh, gathering herself, "you can call me any time, Rick. Dead people aren't getting any deader... any deaderness... any more dead." She finally finds the words.

It's then that Rick's heart stops him. "I appreciate that Sierra, but... um..." he hesitates, "I'm not really looking for someone to confide in right now."

He can feel Sierra's heart fall from here, her natural ability, or inability, to exude her emotions extending through the phone. "Rick, did I do something wrong?" She asks him, her voice honest as it almost quakes with fear that she's guilty of something.

"No." He says in a soft voice to try and ease the pain, "that's not it at all."

"Okay, it's just that the other night, you seemed like you really needed someone to talk to and now, you're-"

"The other night," he starts to talk over her, not wanting for her to get too far down her own well that she gets lost, "is the problem... actually."

"What..." Sierra begins, "what do you mean? Did I say something?"

"No, Sierra, it wasn't you... okay?" He says, looking out the window on the other side of his office. "I promise."

"Okay, it wasn't me. So... what happened?"

Rick forces out a breath from his struggling lungs and looks back down to Sasha, who's fast asleep and oblivious to the whole situation apart from the fact that her human master is in an unusual state of emotional struggle right now and won't let her head leave his leg and won't let him stop petting her. "The other night... that morning, I... sort of promised Beckett that I'd pick her up for dinner so we could talk."

When that doesn't give Sierra enough of the pieces, she prods further. "Okay, so was it something she said then?"

"No... I actually forgot about it when... when you and I went out. And um... when I didn't pick her up, she went to the diner and saw us together."

"Oh... oh my god, Rick, I'm so sorry, I feel terrible!" Sierra begins to apologize profusely. "You should have told me, I would have been happy to drop you off earlier."

"No, Sierra, it's wasn't your fault. None of it was. It was mine." She lets out another breath as a silence falls over the line. "So," he begins after a long pause in the conversation, "I'm just trying not to... I just don't want to give her anything to worry about."

"Oh-" she starts, "okay... I understand."

"So," Rick says, moving his hand down Sasha's ribs and grabbing a fistful of her fur on her chest, "see you later?"

"Sure, anytime." Sierra says and hangs up after another few seconds.


Her dad wanted to give her the night off but she didn't feel like going home early tonight. It was a busy day, getting inspected for their new license and hooking up their new security system to a higher quality video, accessible from their phones. Kate is in the office, going over their books one last time before the next inventory is due to arrive and is about to lock up for the night.

As rain starts to clatter softly against the windowpanes behind her, Kate closes her laptop and slips it into her bag on the floor, then stands up from the chair, grabbing her phone off the desk when she hears the bell on the door start to ring. Impatient and wanting the night to end, Kate rolls her eyes, lets out a frustrated sigh, and turns out of the office to head out to the floor.

"I'm sorry, but we're about..." her words fall when she sees a familiar, short and wavy-haired blonde standing in the door, dressed in a pair of teal medical scrubs, running shoes, and a very nervous but very natural looking smile engulfing her features.

"U-umm..." Sierra starts nervously as she takes one large step into the store, letting the door swing closed behind her, nervously wringing her hands together. She looks up to Kate again and her lips pinch into a thin line, "Hi."

Kate's heart hardens at the sight of the woman, a deep coldness chilling her. "I'm sorry, but I was just about to lock up. We're closing for the night." Kate says in a deep tone.

"Oh no, I-I'm uh..." Sierra smiles again, her eyes squinting as she motions around the store with her hand, her shoulders tight. "I'm not shopping, I just didn't get off until six and I didn't know your number and this was the only time I could get off and I..." she rambles nervously, her voice shaking, "I just wanted to-to uh... to talk," she finally says, looking up to her, her eyes shaking as Kate stands near the counter with a cold exterior about her, "is all... just talk."

Kate gives the woman a slow nod. "Bout what?"

Sierra sighs in a small breath, another smile splitting her features as she looks away, shuffling her feet. She wrings her hands together again before setting her jaw firmly and then looks back up to her. Sierra gives her a soft smile and shakes her head. "Rick and I aren't interested in each other." She says, throwing her hands out to her sides.

Kate stops, her reassurance having no effect on her. The cold chill in her heart over this woman is still there.

"I mean, I was... obviously," Sierra says with a raise in her brow. "I mean, he's really cute and he's just such a great guy, but..." she continues, probably having no idea that Kate's nails are digging small crescents into her palms, "I never should have gone out on that date with him and I wanted to cancel it when I heard about you from Beth, but... it's not every day a small town girl like me gets asked out by a guy like Richard Castle." She says with another bright smile that only lasts a split second before she looks up to Kate and sees the firm, etched, serious expression she's facing.

Kate just gives her a nod, "Don't worry about it," she says, wanting the woman just to go away.

Sierra just shakes her head and smiles again. "And really, don't blame him for forgetting about the dinner plans you made." Kate's heart skips, knowing that the only way she could know is if he told her. "If anything, you can blame me. I was the one that wanted him to keep talking. It's not his fault that he forgot. Neither of us were thinking."

Kate lifts her hand in a small, almost unnoticable gesture. "I said don't worry about it."

"No, it's just that he felt really bad about it and it... almost entirely my fault," Sierra exclaims with a roll of her eyes, "and I'm sure if I'd just stopped that he would have remembered your plans and..." She trails off when she looks up to notice that none of what she says shifts Kate's cold, angry demeanor toward her, "and... that's not why you're upset with me." She finishes in a much more tempered tone. "Is it?"

She grimaces angrily, hatred flashing through her like a strobe light. She turns to face the woman and stares at her. "Why is it that he talks to you and not me?" She asks in a low, steady, but very maddening tone.

Sierra smiles softly and nods. "I figured that's what you would be upset about." She says to herself.

"That man was my partner for four years before we started seeing each other." Kate continues, her voice starting to edge with emotion. "We dated for an entire year and every time I would try and get him to talk about our relationship, all he would do is smirk. How can he talk to you and not me?" She asks the woman, her eyes burning.

Sierra gives Kate a nod, shrugging her shoulders. "People tell me I'm easy to talk to." It does nothing to stifle the anger still boiling in Kate's system. "I was actually studying to be a psychiatrist before my marriage imploded. Then I didn't really feel it was right to go around giving people life advice when I couldn't even keep my own marriage intact, so... after that I went into medical school."

"And what does that mean for me?" She demands, her eyes still burning. "That I'm not easy to talk to? I love him!"

Sierra lifts her hands up to motion for Kate to slow down. "Kate," she says softly, her natural smile still shining on her face, "in the four years you worked together... you know, before you started dating... did he ever really pressure you to give him a chance? Did he ever say anything serious about wanting a real relationship with you or..." Kate feels her heart clench at where she sees the woman going, "did he just wait for you to be ready?"

Kate shakes her head, denying it as she reaches under her shirt to grab the chain that the engagement ring still hangs from. "I was ready." She fights back, pulling on the chain and taking the ring in her finger and thumb. "Understand? I was ready to marry him."

Sierra's smile brightens as she lifts her hands back up. "I never said that you weren't, Kate. All I'm saying is that after that long of letting you decide where and when the next step of your relationship happens, can you really hold it against him for being apprehensive?"

"But I tried... okay? I tried to get him to talk to me and he wouldn't do it. So how can he talk to you about what he wants and not me?" Kate demands again.

Sierra just smiles, "Because what I say and think doesn't matter." It makes Kate stop in her anger. "That's why he was talking to me. Because I'm not part of the equation. All I did was listen to him."

"You listened to him?" She parrots back, her jaw clicking. "Are you saying I don't listen to him?"

Sierra's shoulders tighten and she looks away. "Did... you listen to him when he told you that he loved you?"

"That was different!"

"No," Sierra stops her with a soft voice. "It wasn't."

"What, are you trying to stop us from getting back together, is that it?" Kate angrily pleads.

"No, Kate," Sierra says with another soft smile. "That's not why I'm here at all."

"Well, then tell me how I get him back." Kate demands, tossing her hand toward her. "If you're so easy to talk to and you've been talking with him, then you'd know. Tell me what I need to do to get him back. Just tell me what I need to do to prove to him that I love him."

"That's," Sierra stops her, lifting her hands up to get her to slow down again, "what I came here to tell you." She takes in a long breath and tries to get Kate to slow down and listen, holding her eyes for a moment. "There's nothing that you can do."

"No, no, don't tell me that!"

"He has to believe that you love him if he's going to take you back, Kate, and he has to come to it on his own."

Kate lets out a struggling breath, pacing away from Sierra and looking up at the ceiling with burning eyes. "Why is he pushing me away this much? Why is it so hard for him to just give me another chance? I know that I made a mistake when I left him. Why is it that he can take his ex-wife back after a divorce but not me?"

Sierra smiles again, nodding her head before tilting it off to the side. "You... still don't know, do you?"

Kate stops and turns to face her again, her jaw clenching and teeth grinding. "Know what?"

Her smile brightens. "Kate... you're the first person in Rick's entire life to love him for who he is, to not expect anything out of him or want anything out of him other than just him and his heart. You were the first person in his life to want to be with him just for him and not anything else." Kate gives the woman a stiff nod as her eyes flood with tears. "But when you left, it proved to him that it still wasn't enough."

She can feel a tear leave a trail down her cheek as it falls from her eye.

"For the first time in his life, he had someone that was with him for just him and they still left. Kate... Rick could go through both of his divorces all over again and it wouldn't cause him as much pain as what he felt when you left him."

"I know that I was wrong for leaving, okay?" Kate demands emotionally as she takes a few steps toward her. "I know that, but I never stopped loving him!"

"Kate, I'm trying to get you to see that you broke Rick's heart on a level he's never felt before." Sierra explains. "The fact that he still loves you won't matter if he feels you're going to cause him that much pain again in the future." Kate can feel another large tear fall out off her lashes. "He needs to be able to do something he's never been able to do with anyone growing up and that's to have faith in the fact that someone can love him for who he is. Because as long as he keeps questioning that, he'll always be on the lookout for you to leave him again."

Her heart shivers painfully behind her straining lungs. "That's... that's why he asked me about my childhood yesterday?"

Sierra's eyes soften even more than they already are and she gives Kate a nod. "I think I'll let him tell you about it."

Kate sniffles, drawing in a long, congested breath as she rolls her shoulders back and shoves the tracks of her tears off her cheeks. "So... what needs to happen then?" She asks her. "Because I want him back. I want us back."

Sierra smiles again. "I think he just needs to be reminded of why he felt risking his heart with you in the first place was worth it." Kate nods as her eyes fall away, her heart unclenching as the warmth of reassurance ebbs through her. "And don't worry, Kate." Sierra says after a moment. "Once he's reminded of it, he'll take you back in a heartbeat."

When Kate gives Sierra a firm nod, Sierra smiles and turns out the door. As Sierra is opening the door, the sound of the rain falling outside echoing into the store, Kate stops her. "Sierra?"

She stops in the doorway, looking back around to her.

Kate looks up to her with her heart in her throat. "Thank you."

Sierra's natural and happy smile brightens across her features as she lifts her hand up to give Kate a small wave before jogging out into the rain.


A/N: Chapter was kinda long. Hope you're not mad. Whadya think? /;]