It's still raining, but the thunder and lightning has rolled off into the distance. She can see the flashes of the sheet lightning from the French doors that face out toward the lake. The light rain still falls in soft, quiet drips, the wind gently rustling the tops of the Evergreen trees that make up the woods on the other side of the lake.
Her clothes are still warm from the dryer, but she still has a dark brown blanket draped over her shoulders that she grabbed from the back of the couch on her way out. Her and Rick had slowly dragged themselves out of bed after spending the majority of the afternoon together with not even a single bedsheet separating them, searching and reveling in the closeness that they both loved so much before. Rick got dressed in his jeans, a loose-fitting grey t-shirt and a tan flannel left hanging open and made his way into the kitchen as she headed into the laundry room to get dressed... finally.
She can't remember the last time they just spent the entire day in bed, finding solace in each other's bodies and presence, reminding themselves why they fought so hard with themselves to get where they were. They spent the entire day rediscovering that they have a connection, a way of fitting together when the rest of the world is out of their way that they don't have to work at or force, one that just happens.
She can feel it now, even as he's a distance away in the kitchen finding something to satisfy an appetite that's been eating at them both after a long day of passionate love-making. Feeling what she feels now, she can see why, and more importantly how, he stayed as hopeful for them as he always did. How he had such confidence in the knowledge that what they had wasn't just true, but special and worth everything they went through to get it. She can honestly tell herself, without any reservation, that she's never felt this in love with someone before.
When the thought skates across her brain, her soft smile starts to widen across her features as she pulls at the sides of the brown blanket draped over her shoulders. After a moment of wanting to fight it, she hides her smile by pressing the blanket to her face, standing in front of the French doors that lead out to the patio, now absentmindedly watching the rain sprinkle over the lake.
This is how he stayed so hopeful. It's been hard and tasking, she'll probably look back on this as the hardest thing she's ever had to do, chasing after him after what she did to them. But here, right now, she'll remember as the moment where she knew it was worth it, and she'd do it again if she had to... just to feel like this.
As Rick all too slowly reaches around the kitchen to prepare each of them a meager lunch of a chicken salad sandwich and some potato chips on two plates, he's been watching her stand at the door out of the corner of his eye.
He's been wanting to feel that closeness that he knows she's letting fill her. He can see that feeling in her eye, it's in that sparkle in those beautiful hazel eyes and that beautiful smile she's trying to hide beneath the blanket Sasha curls up with. He remembers that closeness and intimacy that just felt so damn natural for them. That feeling in the pits of his heart and his soul when their eyes would meet and inevitably lock with one another.
That feeling just feels like a distraction that leaves him vulnerable to heartbreak now. Like if he lets it in and lets it take him over like he used to, he's going to miss some sign telling him it's all about to get pulled out from under him again. A sign like Vaughn, or some male dancer at some male strip club, or the AG's office.
Sasha's nails tapping against the tile in the kitchen stirs him from his spiral. He looks over and sees his faithful dog sitting at his side with her long, bushy tail sweeping across the floor and her ears perked up, waiting for her human to feed her something like he always does when there's food involved.
A brief smirk flicking onto his face, he grabs a piece of chicken from the bowl and flicks it over to her and Sasha snaps it up in her mouth happily. He looks down to the counter to the late lunch or early dinner he's prepared for them, laid out on two plates picture perfect, then looks back up to her still standing at the doors that lead out back. He watches for a moment after picking the plates up as her eyes flick down to the floor, then drift shut while her smile softens under the blanket she's hiding it with.
He wants this to work. For once, he wants to put in what it takes to make it work for them. But as Sierra made it clear to him, none of it is on her. She's made it clear that she's here for him, for them, and their future together. A future with her, it's what he always wanted for as long as he can remember knowing her. He just has to actually believe that someone cares enough to stick around for it for a change. He has to believe that someone believes a future with up would be a good thing, as opposed to some sort of dark cave with no ending, fun for exploring for a while until it caves in and you're trapped inside.
Rick hardens himself and slowly pads his way out of the kitchen and makes his way over to the dining table, setting the two plates down in the corner, perpendicular to each other as quietly as he can, then turns toward her. He can feel his stomach flutter for a second, thinking the feeling will go away as he steps up behind her. But the flutter only intensifies as his arms move to slowly sneak around her.
But Kate can feel his warmth and presence from what feels like a mile away, and is already sinking back to meet him.
Kate's body drifts back and lays against his chest while his arms move around her waist. Her head lists off to the left, her skin already tingling at the feeling of his lips. But Rick settles for a quick nuzzle of her hair with the tip of his nose.
"I hope you still like chicken salad." He coaxes her in that low gruff breathed into her ear.
"Mmm..." she moans, letting him take her weight against him as she leans back, resting her head back onto his shoulder, "with the raisins and nuts you use?" She can almost feel him smile with her hair.
"I even remembered to toast the bread the way you like." He tries to brag.
Kate pulls her eyes open and lethargically lifts her head off his shoulders, turning around in his arms to face him, looking over to the table, where he has a perfectly delicious lunch laid out for them. Looking at the meal he's prepared for them, she feels her heart turn into a butterfly. Instinctively, she puts her arms around his neck, enveloping them both in the blanket she has draped around her, Rick pulling her back in and lacing his fingers together at the small of her back.
Her eyes are locked onto the sandwiches, almost burning with tears. "I remember how you use to cook for us." She thinks out loud, getting overwhelmed when her mind travels back to the times she was either forced to go back to her apartment in DC by the lack of work or more often, by her supervisory agent and finding nothing but the cycle of styrofoam boxes that would come and go. "It was one of the things I probably missed the most when we broke up." She admits, her voice choked and soiled.
Rick tries to pull her closer, trying to coax her into a better mood. "I'm almost afraid to tell you I was going to make dinner also." An emotional chuckle sneaks out of her as she swats at the tears with her fingers before curling her arms into the cove of their bodies. "I had planned on making fajitas, but if you're going to be so emotional about it-"
"No, no," she reassures him, tapping his chest with a watery smile. "I just got to thinking about how much I could've used you when I was in DC."
The pleasant smile that was gracing his features quickly vanishes when she brings it up. He feels himself stiffen while her arms drape themselves back around his neck. He doesn't want to bring it up, but he just told himself that he needs to have the strength to put in the work they need if they're going to make it work. He can't shy away from it just because it's hard to bring up. "I thought the whole idea of you taking the DC job in the first place was that you didn't need me at all."
Her tears freeze on her face and her expression darkens, but only for a second before it pulls into a look of shame. Her eyes fall away from their lunch and down into the small space between them. "Castle, you don't know how much I wish my job at the AG's office never happened."
He feels his jaw click in frustration, a conflict going on inside of him thinking he's not allowed to feel that way. "I don't?" He fires back, not wanting it to sound the way it did.
But Kate is already shaking her head in a soft, emotional defiance as he gets the words out. "Rick, that job..." she starts, looking him in the eye, "took everything... from me." She says, wishing he would reach up and wipe away the tracks of her tears with his thumb like he used to. "And it wasn't even worth it. I hated being at the AG's office, Rick."
His brow pinches, suddenly at a loss. "What are you talking about?" He asks quickly, not really believing her. "You gave up our relationship for that job, Beckett." He starts, even as she's already shaking her head again. "You said it was about your future, that it was your shot, that-"
"I know..." she interrupts in a strained voice, trailing off as she traces the cloth outline on his t-shirt and leaning her body into him. "You know, Castle," she starts quickly, speaking the thought as it comes to her, "everybody talks about the other side of the hill... and what happens is that the grass isn't always greener." She says to him, looking down to his chest and wanting his arms to engulf her tighter than they are now, instead of just limply hanging around her waist. "What they never talk about is what happens when you try to go back to the other side."
Rick breathes out a cold, hard breath, giving himself a small nod as he looks at her, standing in his arms. "Is this your way of saying you worried if this will work?" He asks in a cold, steady voice. It gains her sad attention as she cranes her neck to send a pair of large, sad, hazel eyes up at him.
A brief smile flicks across her features when she moves her arms back up his shoulders and around his neck. "Are you worried?"
Rick breaks the eye contact, quickly weaving his arms around her figure and splaying his hands out on her back. All he can offer her is a shallow nod and a shameful gaze down to the floor. She's silent, deciding that a retort about how he should be isn't the best way to handle it, and instead puts a hand on the back of his head, scratching her nails into his hair in a soft tickle before petting it back down. "I know I shouldn't be. You're here, we've been together all day, you haven't even hinted at wanting to leave."
"Rick," she chuckles softly, petting his hair with a smile, trying to regain his eyes with the motion. When all he does is move his hands around her back for a moment and stiffen his spine, rolling his shoulders back, he looks up at her with all traces of negative emotion drained from his features. Or at least he's making an effort. She just offers him a smile and nods over to the table. "Let's eat, okay?"
He gives her a small grin and takes the blanket from around her shoulders. As Kate pulls out one of the chairs at the table, Rick takes the blanket and hands it down to Sasha, who's been sitting beside them patiently. Sasha takes a couple sniffs of the blanket, recognizes it as her's, and takes it gently in her teeth, dragging it over to the French doors and laying down.
Rick and Kate eat mostly silently, with Rick getting the hiccups after a few bites of his sandwich and Kate eagerly complimenting him on his cooking after when she's half done with her own.
When both their plates are cleared, leaving only small bits of chips that are too small to even taste, Rick takes a napkin from the ceramic holder in the center of the table and wipes his mouth before standing up and reaching for her plate. "Mmm!" She hums just before swallowing the last few chips left in her mouth, waving him off as she reaches for a napkin herself. Rick stops, his hand already extended. "Leave it." She says as she stands up.
Rick follows her as she stands up with his eyes. "Leave it?"
"Yes, leave it." She annunciates and reaches for his hand with a smile. "I'll take care of it later." She promises as she takes his hand and leads the way into the family room and over to the couch. "Because right now," she continues, stepping in between the coffee table and the couch, "there's something I've wanted to do..." she says and sits down in the far end of the couch, "for a long time."
Rick smirks, somewhat heavily, as she looks up to him with a smile. "And..." he starts and sits down next to her, leaning over to her, "I can't help but wonder what there is that we haven't done yet."
Kate gives him an obvious, deadpan look.
"Because we've done just about everything."
Kate starts with a nod, "Just," she says, reaching around him, "lay down," she ushers him, softly nudging his head down toward her lap, "like this." She waits for him to readjust himself longways along the couch and to lay his head down in her lap as she leans back into the cushions. "There."
Gently, slowly, tenderly, and lovingly, Kate looks down to his eyes with a smile and a wild flutter in her chest, seeing him look back up to her with a curious twinkle in his eye, and puts one hand on his chest, and the other on his hair, softly petting it back in a long, slow motion. After the first soft stroke, Rick relaxes on a long breath and locks eyes with her, focusing on the feeling of her hand moving back up and petting his hair back in the same long, slow motion.
"This is what you've wanted to do for so long?" He asks in a soft, curious voice as she moves to pet his hair back again.
She smiles, "Mmhmm," she gives him a nod, stroking his chest in the same motion. "When I was in my apartment in DC at night, I'd be sitting on my couch and eating or I'd be watching TV or reading and just... imagine you laying your head in my lap and looking up at me... while I just petted your hair back and looked into your eyes."
That gets to him, on some deeper level like he's never felt. "Y-you..." he struggles, looking up into her sparkling, happy eyes as she continues to stroke back his hair, "you thought about doing this... while you were in DC?"
Her smile widens for a quick moment. "Mmhmm." She hums and pets his hair back again, moving her fingers across his scalp this time. She watches as he takes in a breath, but stops it short of saying something. Kate blinks, moving her other hand up his chest to try and coax whatever he wanted to say out of him. "What?"
Rick offers a small shake of his head, lifting his hands off his stomach and reaching up, laying one down on top of her forearm. "I've just never had anyone that... well, that wanted to do something like this."
Kate blinks slowly as she pets back his hair again. "Really?"
He shakes his head for an answer. Looking up into her eyes as she smiles down to him, feeling her pet his hair back in such a loving motion and massage is chest in a sensual circle over his heart, he feels his heart and stomach fold into one, breaking apart in him. "I guess it's just hard to imagine I mean that much to someone."
Her throat closes at the scared tone in his voice, feeling his fingers wrap around her forearm. "Why?" She asks, looking down to his eyes and continuing to pet his hair back. "You're an amazing man, Castle." She says and watches for the glimmer in his eye to fade, that never does.
As she moves her hand back up to pet his hair back again, he feels like she could drudge up anything. Laying in her lap like this, looking up at her, he's never been looked at before. "I guess I never really got to know what it was like, that's all." He says, trying to feign a voice of uninterest. "Growing up the way I did."
Kate doesn't take her hand out of his hair and instead weaves her hand back up so it doesn't lose contact until she's petting it back again. "Tell me about it."
He swallows thickly and can't look away from her loving, curious gaze. It's a long moment before he decides on what to say, just silently staring up at her. "You know, I know we had money and that I never really wanted for anything... but..." she can tell it's hurting him, "honestly, my mother had to go on the road a lot so I spent a lot of time with caretakers or in boarding schools... mostly boarding schools in my early teens after she just got fed up with me. It's just a um..." he struggles, "it's a different feeling when the only time you got to see your own mother was during the holidays and she was upset with you because you got in trouble."
Kate pets his hair back slowly, rubbing his chest tenderly and feeling his palm sweat against her forearm. "So," she tries, thinking back to the dock when he asked about what she thought of her own childhood, "when you think back to your childhood... what's the first thing that you think of?"
Rick blinks, his brow arched while she continues to pet back his hair. His eyes lid slowly and he blinks, giving her a feigned shrug. "Sitting in the Dean's office for a parent-teacher conference and hearing my mother come on the line with the first thing out of her mouth being 'what is it this time'?"
She feels her heart fold in her chest. She reaches over and moves her hand from his chest over to his jaw, petting his stubble with her thumb. She can't say anything worth much. "I'm sorry."
He just shakes his head in her arms and shrugs. "It's just hard to believe that someone like you could manage to do something that I grew up thinking my own mother didn't even do."
Kate gives him a solemn nod and moves her hand back to his chest while she pets his hair back again. "You know, Sierra told me last night that I was the first person in your whole life to love you for you." Rick just holds her gaze as Kate waits for him to interrupt her to ask when Sierra came to talk to her. But after a moment, he just stays silent and Kate moves to pet his hair back again. "Is that because of what you just told me?"
He blinks, waiting for her hand to come to a stop in his hair before he answers. "I wasn't looking for any pity, if that's what you're getting at."
Kate smiles and shakes her head, moving to pet his hair back again. "No, Rick," she starts, moving her opposite hand to his jaw again, "knowing this about you... it just makes me love you more."
When he hears it, feeling her tender, loving hands on his face and in his hair, seeing her bright eyes and her soft smile, his heart clenches. Without warning, he leans up off her lap and captures her lips in a firm but sensual kiss. Kate draws in a breath as he presses his lips up to her and takes his face in her hands, accepting him eagerly and melting into him.
"Mmm..." she moans into his mouth.
After he reaches up to kiss her again, he starts to crawl up the couch. At the same time, Kate starts to climb out from under him, along the back of the couch until she's settled on top of him along the length of the couch, their lips never parting. Her body melts against him as his lips work perfectly around her's, kissing her in long, slow, passionate motions. His arms hug her waist while her hands find his jaw and his hair. Neither make no moves to advance them any further than this, both just laying here, slowly kissing each other.
She can't remember the last time they've just laid together and kissed.
"Mmm," she moans again when she feels him trace his finger back behind her ear before cupping her jaw, "I love you, Rick." He kisses her again, pulling her down and pinching her bottom lip in his mouth, slowly peeling it away and making her shiver in his arms. That's always driven her crazy.
"Does that mean you're staying for dinner?" He asks before kissing her again.
She smiles against his lips before accepting the kiss. "It means that I love you."
He answers her by capturing her lips again and moving his arms around her, hugging her down to him. But as he's running his hand up the dip of her spine, lost in her lips, they both hear Sasha let out a loud bark from the dining room, but not the key being shoved into the door.
A/N: Yep, I'm back writing, no excuse other than life. Is that good enough? Hope you enjoyed the chapter. I know a lot of stories like this fizzle out pretty much right after Rick and Kate get together, since storytelling wise, there's really nowhere left to go, but that's not the reason for the hiatus. I have a very clear plan and the next chapter will begin to pick things up.
