Author's note:
For some reason I don't get very many reviews. Which is fine—I'm more interested in Follows and Favorites, since that's how people will find my story—but I'd love to hear from the brave souls who have made it this far. You survived the great Harry-nerfing of chapter 7 (I got another nasty review about it just yesterday - lol), and you've gotten to know a zillion original characters.
Do you have a favorite OC? For me it's a toss-up between Lydia and Lucinda, but I'm curious who you like (and who drives you nuts). Most of them just show up spontaneously when I write, which is a strange experience!
Anyway, stay safe and be well :)
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'Wake up, young man!' shouted the portrait. 'You heard me, wake up!'
'What?' replied Harry, disorientated. He slid his hand along the bedsheets but no one was there.
'You were having a nightmare. I've been shouting at you for nearly a minute.'
It took Harry a long moment to remember who was talking to him. 'Banthora?'
'Who else would it be, unless you already lured someone up here?' she said accusingly.
'No, I'm alone,' he replied, massaging a tense jaw muscle. 'How did you know I was having a nightmare?'
'You were thrashing and moaning like a wizard possessed.'
'Thank you for waking me,' he said. 'I hope I didn't disturb you too much.'
'You disturbed me greatly. But it's no matter—are you all right?'
Harry was unaccustomed to kindness from a Black family portrait. 'I'll be fine. I have nightmares fairly often, so I'm used to it. But if it's a problem, in the morning I can have Kreacher put you back where you were.'
'It's only for a fortnight,' she said. 'But what will you do? Can you fall back asleep?'
'Yes, but I should wait a few minutes, or else the nightmare might start again.'
It wasn't his usual Voldemort dream but instead involved a screaming, inconsolable Teddy. Harry tried desperately to calm him, but nothing worked, and Andromeda was gone. Alone with the wailing baby, Harry found himself in the Forbidden Forest, where he retrieved the Resurrection Stone.
He quickly turned it over in his hand, and Remus and Tonks appeared. 'Take care of Teddy!' he shouted. 'Don't leave him like this!' Their shades stood there but they didn't seem to hear him, or even care. 'Why won't you help?' he screamed repeatedly. 'You're bloody useless!'
Teddy never quietened, and by the time Banthora woke him, Harry was a jangle of fury and frustration. And even after talking to her, he fruitlessly ran his hand along the cool sheets, in search of human comfort. I'm alone, he thought sadly, turning towards the edge of the bed.
For some reason, Harry remembered the long string that hung from the lightbulb in his cupboard, back on Privet Drive. The light was controlled by a pull-chain but he couldn't reach it from the bed, so Aunt Petunia had tied a string to it. It was knotted and frayed at the end, and he'd pretended it was a sort of tassel even though it had only six strands.
In the dim light of his bedroom, he could see the thick tassel at the end of the silken cord holding back the bed curtain. No imagination required, he thought; it was definitely a tassel, and not a frayed piece of string. But it was too heavy to flick with his fingernail, as he'd done incessantly with the string in his cupboard, so he merely looked at it.
They probably stashed me in the cupboard when I was teething, he realised. Aunt Petunia wouldn't have known about the salve his parents had used, and of course Dumbledore hadn't included any in his basket. I'd probably never felt pain before they died, except for tummy aches or falling off my toy broom. And even then I was probably soothed straight away.
He longed to hug Teddy and comfort him, and his Light magic began to stir. Harry willed it to go where it was needed, as he'd done that last night with Alex. May it find Teddy, and Andromeda as well.
Sleep overtook him, and when he awoke it was light. 'One night down, thirteen to go,' he said aloud.
'I trust you refrained from onanism?' asked Banthora sternly.
'If that means what I think it does, the answer is yes.'
'Excellent, your vow is intact.'
Harry needed to use the toilet, but he had a new problem. 'Er, Banthora ... are you aware of how men tend to wake up?'
'Like snarling dragons? Yes, I had two brothers.'
'That's not what I meant,' began Harry. 'I'm not sure what the mechanics are, but it's typical for men to, er ... wake up at full attention.'
'In a state of priapism, you mean?'
Did she know Priapus Maximus? he wondered. 'That's right. I think I'll hold a pillow in front when I walk to the toilet.'
'If you insist. Although I never saw one when I was alive, and I'm rather curious.'
I'm not going to oblige her, he thought, placing a pillow over the area in question. 'Have you at least seen pictures? I'm sure there are anatomy books in the library.'
'Those were drawings,' she said scornfully. 'I died before photographs were invented.'
He closed the bathroom door. At least she never spied on Sirius, he mused, recalling the more intrusive portraits he'd met over the years. When he emerged, he said, 'I won't show you myself, but I could find you photographs if you like.'
Her eyes gleamed. 'Wizarding photographs?'
Sweet Salazar, she wants porn. 'Er, all right.'
Harry still had a couple of magazines Ginny had insisted they buy, which in hindsight should have been a clue about her sexuality. But they mostly showed women, and the men were mere props. I should talk to Suresh, he decided.
After getting dressed, he went downstairs and found Simon in the kitchen eating an enormous breakfast. 'You're looking well,' Harry told him.
'I feel well,' he said. 'This is the best I've ever felt so soon after the full moon. I can't thank you enough.'
'You can thank me by coming back next month.'
'Only if you don't have guests.'
'Bollocks—the house is huge, and I can always Apparate a witch straight to the bedroom and take breakfast in bed if we want privacy.'
Simon closed his eyes for a moment. 'Thank you, I'd appreciate that. With any luck, I'll be able to afford a proper flat before long, and it won't be necessary.'
After a pause, Harry said, 'It occurs to me I've never mentioned you on the radio, or that I even have a tutor. Would you mind if I said something tomorrow night? Maybe you'd get more clients that way.'
'That would be very kind, but I insist you not mention me by name, and refer only to FLOOF. There are several former teachers among us, and they could all use the work.' With a chuckle, he added, 'Perhaps you'll make self-improvement fashionable as well.'
'It'll be the next foulard!' joked Harry.
He arrived early to practice and looked in on Mrs Thwip. 'Good morning, Mrs Thwip. I finished this weekend's pile,' he said, handing her a thick envelope.
'Good morning, Mr Potter. You received more post over the weekend. I'll have a stack for you this afternoon.'
He sighed. 'I feel like I've written to every child in Britain by now.'
'You haven't. But you're starting to hear from foreign children.'
'Foreign children? Are Cannons matches even broadcast abroad?'
'I'm told they are now. Not only are you famous, but your style of play is apparently very entertaining, even on the radio.' Her tone conveyed disapproval.
'Right,' he said awkwardly. 'On another topic, could you please prepare another list of charities? I'd like to significantly increase the amount I'm giving away, and to include Muggle charities as well.' He explained his particular wish to help Muggles in Britain and abroad who lacked basic necessities.
She looked at him sharply. 'Might I ask what inspired this decision?'
Harry wasn't sure what she was getting at, but he answered honestly. 'I earn a lot from the Cannons—far more than I require—and I'm likely to earn even more from my new endorsement contract, and other investments. My primary aim is to rebuild the Black family assets and help my relations who need a leg up, but I don't want to go overboard and establish a dynasty of spoilt layabouts. Furthermore, I'd rather my earnings help people now, instead of just piling up in Gringotts.'
'Do you plan to publicise this?' she asked.
'I don't want people naming hospital wings after me, if that's what you're asking. No, I'd rather keep it private.'
'Unless you give anonymously, people will find out.'
'Is that so bad? People speculate about me regardless, and I'd rather they not think I'm some kind of miser. The biggest risk is that I'll keep getting requests from the Brotherhood for the Lost Art of Vermimancy, but thanks to you I can ignore them.'
'It will be my honour to turn them down as many times as they require,' she said crisply.
Her approval was unmistakable. Well done, Harry! he thought. Hopefully I just earned myself a free pass the next time she wants to sack me.
After talking with Mrs Thwip, he looked in on Susanna and Thaddeus. 'Is everything set for my name change tomorrow?'
'Yes,' said Susanna. 'We sent time-activated letters to all our retail partners, with instructions to accept your old merchandise from customers who want an update. We also offered to exchange unsold Potter inventory for the Potter-Black version.'
'But no one's going to take you up on it,' said Thaddeus. 'I heard your existing merchandise is already selling out, in anticipation of your name change.' With a smirk he added, 'You made the right choice, leaving the Ministry. It would have taken you a decade to earn what you'll make here in a couple of months.'
'That's not why I left!'
'We know,' said Susanna. 'But he's right. We've received requests from Quidditch shops worldwide who want to carry your merchandise—your lightning bolt emblem in particular.'
'Is this because of the foreign broadcasts?' asked Harry.
'In part,' she said. 'Incidentally, negotiate a better contract at the end of the season. The team is making a killing off you, and they can afford to share.'
Harry nodded and thanked her, feeling uncomfortable again. As he walked towards the main entrance, he thought, I'm a bloody commodity, probably thanks to Voldemort. Talk about unintended consequences.
'Look who's here!' exclaimed Janet. 'The preening peacock!'
'Ugh, I'd already forgotten about that. But go ahead and take the piss—I have Seekers' night out tonight and need to be ready.'
'You unlucky bastard! Of all the nights to see Andrew Gilstrap and Allie Hobbs! Can you at least console yourself afterwards with that tasty cousin of yours?'
'No. For one thing, she's not interested. And for another, I've taken a two-week vow of celibacy.'
Janet blanched. 'What? No! Why?'
He explained Davina's advice to Janet and the small crowd that had gathered. 'It's only a fortnight, and I might be able to use the Firebolt Ultra afterwards.'
Darren shook his head in disgust. 'I'm all for team loyalty, but that's just wrong.'
'I'd also be able to eat with the starters again,' argued Harry. 'Candice has to be asking questions.'
'She has been,' said Renée. 'She keeps dropping hints about Kosovo and its relationship with Albania.'
'But celibacy!' cried Darren. 'That's the nuclear option!'
'I know, but at this rate I'll be into triple figures by the time I'm twenty-one.'
'You make that sound like a bad thing,' said Darren. 'Admittedly I'm not there yet—not even close—but things are looking up.'
They walked outside, and after Tuttle's lecture Harry began running and joined Suresh. 'What are you doing in the slow lane, Snitchbottom?'
'I have a question, or possibly a favour to ask,' replied Harry.
'Do you want me to teach your house-elf to make better curries?' asked Suresh patronisingly. 'His aren't bad, but my mum's are much better.'
'Would she be willing to teach him? I could offer a day of free house-elf labour in exchange.'
'Done. Was that your question?'
'No, I'm looking for some gay wizarding porn.'
Suresh stopped running. 'You're having me on, right?'
'It's for one of the portraits. Banthora Black has never seen an erection, and all we have in the house are old anatomy books.'
'I have so many questions,' said Suresh, beginning to jog again. 'My first is, how did this even come up?' They both sniggered, and Suresh continued. 'Did you wander the guest rooms, quill in hand, asking the portraits whether they had any unresolved issues you could help them with?'
Harry explained how he'd moved her portrait into his bedroom and their conversation that morning.
'And would it be a violation of your vow just to show her yours?'
'It would be a violation of the laws of the universe. Furthermore, the last thing I need is for the portraits to start demanding peepshows.'
'Good point,' said Suresh. 'And yes, I can recommend a magazine to buy. What do you know about her taste?'
'Not a thing. But I'd rather not shock her senseless—are any magazines more tasteful than the others?'
'This is gay porn you're talking about—being tasteful isn't a priority. Other than the hairstyles, that is. As far as I'm concerned, nothing kills the mood like feathered hair.'
'Right. So I guess whichever magazine is the least appalling.'
'That'll be Blood Traitor,' said Suresh approvingly.
'Blood Traitor?' exclaimed Harry. 'What kind of name is that for a porno mag?'
'It's a perfectly brilliant name, and it works for everyone. Think about it.'
Harry recalled the many times he'd called Ginny a blood traitor in private, to great effect. 'You're right, it is good. Where do I buy it?'
'Oh, Harry,' began Suresh. 'I'm not so cruel as to make you purchase it yourself, although I'd be sorely tempted to follow you and take pictures. I'll get you a copy tonight.'
Harry ate lunch with the reserves at a wizarding restaurant, and with his permission they mocked him mercilessly about Doctor Niffler's comments. 'I can't wait to see what she says about your name change,' said Lyle. 'I bet it'll be something about how you're fulfilling your lifelong wish to marry Sirius Black.'
'Bugger, you're right!' cried Harry. Then he widened his eyes, and in a dreamy voice he said, 'Mrs Sirius Black. Finally!'
'Have you picked out a wedding gown?' asked Gemma. 'If you ask me nicely, I'll let you wear the tiara.'
Harry batted his eyelashes and said, 'Forget the tiara—just imagine all the flowers I could wear!'
'They really need a wizarding equivalent to Photoshop,' mused Gemma. 'Because I'd love to see a photo of you in a wedding gown. Can you wear one to the party.'
'Shh,' he said, his smile fading. 'If you can't keep it secret, I won't throw it.'
Gemma clamped her mouth shut, and Elspeth said, 'Don't blow this for us, Rees. It needs to happen.'
'I should have Hermione prepare the contract straight away,' muttered Harry. 'And force you lot to sign it.'
'How can you accuse us of betraying you, after all the secrets we've kept?' said Gemma.
'On a reserve's salary,' added Lyle. Looking around the table, he said, 'Raise your hand if you've been offered gold in exchange for dirt on Harry.'
Every hand went up. 'Are you serious?' said Harry. 'By whom?'
'Seedy journalists,' replied Lyle. 'And they haven't actually offered much.'
'Speak for yourself,' said Gemma. 'Last week, someone offered me a hundred Galleons for information about Harry's private life.'
'A hundred Galleons!' exclaimed Titus. 'And you didn't take it?'
She scowled at him. 'No, I didn't take it.'
'Why didn't you tell me?' asked Harry.
'I didn't want to make you paranoid. So well done, Lyle ... now Harry's going to worry about which one of us will sell him out.'
'No, I won't,' said Harry, although he was uncomfortable with what he'd just learnt.
It was still on his mind after lunch, so he found Owen before Seeker training. 'The reserves just told me they've all been offered gold for dirt on me.'
Owen sighed. 'Yes, same here. No small amount, in fact.'
'Recently, or back when I still had secrets?'
'Both. But obviously I haven't given them the time of day. Are you worried?'
'Not exactly. I trust everyone, but I know the reserves aren't paid as well as the starters, and except for Gemma they hardly have any merchandise sales. I don't know specifically what they earn, but I assume the extra gold would come in handy.'
'Reserve pay isn't bad. I supported a family on it, modestly at least. And it's worth it to get to play Quidditch all week. But some extra Galleons wouldn't have gone amiss.'
Harry was quiet for a moment. 'Do you think I could negotiate an across-the-board pay rise? Susanna told me the team is making a killing off me, and that I should demand a better contract next time around.'
'She's not wrong. And it's not just ticket sales and merchandise: the foreign broadcasting rights are huge. So far they've just been airing the English-language version, either live or recorded, but now there's demand for foreign announcers as well, like with the World Cup. Which means we might have more people in the broadcasting booth soon.'
'Does the team get paid for that?'
'Yes, amply.'
'Do you think I could ask for an all-Cannons pay rise?'
'Frankly, you could ask for an ownership share. The Cannons have always done well, thanks to the fans, but now we're by far the most profitable team in the league. And with minimal added expense.'
'Just Mrs Thwip,' mused Harry. 'And you, of course. Although I hope your pay is more than minimal.'
'It is from where I'm standing, definitely. But in answer to your question, go ahead and ask for a team pay rise, although you mightn't get it until your contract comes up for renewal, presumably at the end of the season.'
Harry sighed. 'I'd prefer sooner. I'm not so worried about the other players betraying me, but there's the staff as well. No one said a word about my Light magic, and they could have done.'
'I'll argue on your behalf,' said Owen. 'It'll be good for morale, which is crucial if we want to keep winning.'
'Should I talk to Tuttle first, or go straight to Darius?'
'What did you do when you proposed hiring me as a trainer?'
'I went straight to Darius. He was afraid I'd come to tell him I was moving to France, so he was relieved I was only suggesting keeping you on.'
'Then talk to him first. In fact ... go ask Lara right now if you can talk to Darius after the practice match. That's enough time for him to worry but not so long as to torture him.'
'Barrowmaker, you're a true Slytherin,' said Harry, smiling.
He dashed into the building to ask Lara for an appointment. 'Is everything all right?' she asked.
'Mostly,' he said, with deliberate vagueness. 'There's just something I need to talk to him about.'
Harry was almost disappointed when the practice match ended early, since it meant Darius hadn't been in suspense quite as long. But Harry made the catch after a spectacular chase through the Beaters, and he knew Darius was watching.
After Tuttle's notes, team stretches, and a particularly long shower, Harry knocked on Darius's door. 'Come in, come in!' boomed Darius, with only a slight quaver in his voice. 'Please, sit down. Do you want some tea?'
'No thanks,' said Harry, not wanting to draw out the tension any longer. 'There's something I was hoping to discuss.'
'Yes, of course,' said Darius as they both sat down. 'That was a tremendous catch, by the way. Simply marvellous!'
'Cheers.' Harry took a deep breath and invited a trickle of Light magic to arise. 'I've heard team revenues are way up, and that we've had requests for foreign language broadcasts.'
'That's right,' said Darius uncertainly. 'So far we've been approached for broadcasting rights in French, Spanish, German, Russian, and Japanese.'
Japanese? thought Harry. Interesting. 'I'll be frank,' he said. 'I know I've played a large role in the increased revenue, both by catching the Snitch regularly and by being famous to start with. But I couldn't play this well if I didn't trust my teammates and the entire Cannons organisation.'
Darius frowned. 'Are you concerned about someone in particular?'
'No, not at all. Nobody breathed a word about my Light magic, nor other things that were private. But I learnt today that journalists have repeatedly attempted to bribe my teammates. The reserves even.'
Harry could see that Darius had spotted where he was going. 'What do you want?'
'An across-the-board pay rise for the entire organisation, excluding myself and anyone else you think is above the bribery threshold.'
Darius's eyes flitted as he thought. 'The starters are cleaning up on merchandise. Not like you, of course, but much better than before. Tuttle and Barrowmaker are fine.' He looked at Harry and said, 'This will affect your next contract. The money has to come from somewhere. Obviously we won't lower your pay, or your merchandise share, but we can't give you the pay rise you might be expecting.'
I honestly didn't care, thought Harry. 'I know,' he said simply. 'But I signed a lucrative endorsement contract last week, as you may have heard.'
'I did, and I was glad to hear it. Admittedly the team might get some blowback from the "Mothers Against Harry Potter" crowd, but scandal equals Galleons where you're concerned.'
That should be my new middle name, thought Harry with a sigh. Harry 'Scandal Equals Galleons' Potter-Black. But he was relieved that Darius seemed amenable to the all-Cannons pay rise.
'How soon can it take effect?' he asked.
'I'll have to talk to the finance department, and legal. And the other shareholders of course.'
'How many are there?' asked Harry, who knew little about team governance.
'Dozens of individuals, loosely grouped by family, including my own. But there's a board of trustees, and we meet quarterly to discuss matters that go beyond the day-to-day.'
'When's your next meeting?' persisted Harry.
'The first of December.'
Powerful energy filled Harry's torso, although he didn't glow. 'Can you move it up? I rely on everyone here, and I'll feel better knowing there's more than just good will ensuring their loyalty.'
'You can't buy loyalty,' cautioned Darius.
'No, but everyone knows team revenues have skyrocketed, and I think they'll feel better if the owners and I aren't the sole beneficiaries.'
Darius was silent but then nodded. 'I'll talk to Victor and we'll go from there.'
'Thanks,' said Harry, and the tension around his Light magic relaxed, causing him to glow. 'Oh, bugger.'
Darius laughed out loud. 'You'll really need to learn to control that, next time you're in a negotiation. You and I are at least on the same side, in most respects, but the goblins aren't as soft a touch.'
'You're right, and I need to negotiate with Gringotts later this week.'
'Do you need advice?' asked Darius. 'I've had my share of dealings with them.'
They agreed to have lunch at Pratt's on Wednesday. I should have known he was a member, thought Harry as he left Darius's office.
After collecting the latest stack of letters from Mrs Thwip, he returned to Grimmauld Place and responded to his unending fan mail. But the letters from foreign children were entertaining, and some included stories and photographs depicting wizarding life abroad:
Dear Harry,
My name is Katja, and I am a ten-year-old witch in the Netherlands. I love flying, and I hope to play Seeker when I start wizarding school next year. My favourite team is the Leiden Zilverreigers, but I like the Chudley Cannons second best. I started learning English when I was six, which means I can speak and write pretty well, but your broadcasts are harder to follow. George and Lee sometimes speak very quickly, and you also use words I don't know. But I want to go to England and see a Cannons match, and also visit Weasley's Wizard Wheezes.
Yours truly,
Katja Vinke
Harry grinned at the photograph of the little girl holding a broomstick that was too large for her. She wore a white Quidditch jersey with a very determined-looking bird on it and also held a Cannons pennant, which she waved enthusiastically.
I hope I don't traumatise her with my adverts, he thought sheepishly, and he wondered what he would have thought at age ten if one of his role models had posed in their underpants. For a moment he was mortified, and he wondered if it was too late to back out of the contract. But then he remembered his privacy was long gone.
I haven't any secrets left, he recalled. It was truly freeing, and he had an urge to give Rita flowers the next time he saw her. The next challenge, of course, was not to be upset when people criticised him. He'd grown accustomed to it, but there was always a sting, no matter how small.
At least I'm free to glow tonight at Seeker's night out, he thought. Sarah Trent had owled him the location, and he was going to arrive with Gemma since it was her first time.
After dinner he travelled by Floo to Gemma's house. She had given him a precise window when she was certain no unauthorised Muggles would be present, and Harry arrived right on time.
'Well done, Toffer,' declared Gemma, as he emerged into the lounge. 'I'm surprised your fireplace didn't physically bar you from going to a Muggle abode.'
'Speaking of Muggles, I'm Davy,' said a young man. 'And you're the legendary Harry Potter.'
Harry extended his hand to Gemma's elder brother. 'It's nice to meet you, Davy.'
'I taught Gemma everything she knows about trash-talking, which I heard is what got her the job.'
'That and my flying, arsehole,' said Gemma. 'Which I haven't seen you doing much of.'
'That's because I'm not a devil spawn,' joked Davy. 'You'd have been drowned a couple centuries ago.'
'Not before spooking your livestock and laying waste to your crops,' she retorted.
Gemma's mother, Rose, emerged from the kitchen. 'Harry, it's good to see you again. But I'm sorry you can't meet the twins—they just started university.'
'And they're out from underfoot!' said Gemma jubilantly. 'All we need now is to get rid of Davy, and it'll just be us girls.'
'You're the professional athlete,' said Davy. 'Shouldn't you have your own flat by now?'
Gemma looked annoyed. 'I'm choosy. I'd rather wait for something perfect to turn up.'
'That's not what I've heard,' said Davy, and she made a rude gesture at him.
Rose glared at them, then turned back to Harry. 'You've made Gemma feel so welcome in the wizarding world,' she said warmly. 'Not only that, she says people recognise her in public already and tell her she has a great career ahead of her.'
'It's true, I've seen it,' said Harry. 'And they say the same thing behind her back.'
'People talk to you about me?' asked Gemma, surprised.
'All the time. I suspect some of the other Seekers you'll meet tonight are wondering if you're going to steal their job.'
'Only with magic could a shrimp like Gemma be a pro athlete,' teased her much-taller brother.
'Same here,' said Harry. 'But fortunately Seekers are small.'
They left for the pub, which was inauspiciously called 'The Kelpie's Lair.' But it was cosy and welcoming, and they were ushered into a private room.
'Look, it's Lord Whatsisname!' cried Julian Barnwistle. 'And the most talked-about reserve in league Quidditch!'
'Because she's the only one who can beat Lord Whatsisname,' said Jerome Wither.
'Speak for yourself,' said Allie Hobbs imperiously. 'I told you he wasn't invincible.'
'Everyone, this is Gemma Rees,' announced Harry, taking a seat, and the other Seekers introduced themselves.
'So, Rees, we all have a burning question,' said Gilstrap. 'What's Harry Potter really like?'
'I've heard he has a good right hook,' retorted Gemma, prompting laughter.
'You're small even for a Seeker,' said Trevor Underhill, who was in charge of the beer. 'Do you want a half-pint or just a thimble?'
'Do you really want to make fun of my size?' asked Gemma.
'We seldom get the opportunity,' said Kieran Sheppard, and everyone swapped insults they'd received about their stature.
'But why aren't we mocking Potter?' asked Carl Wainwright. 'The Prophet provided even more ammunition than usual.'
'Because you're afraid he'll crush you with his Light magic,' replied Gemma.
'Or his "procreative dominance,"' quoted Hobbs. 'How much did you pay them to print that, Potter?'
'It's Potter-Black,' scoffed Gilstrap. 'So unwieldy ... can't we just call you "Plock?"'
'I like it,' said Phil Routledge, taking a seat. 'Harry, I dub thee Lord Plock.'
'No, no no no no no,' protested Harry.
'Lordships are bollocks,' said Barnwistle. 'He's Sir Harry Plock, of the Plockington Plocks.'
'Why exactly do I come to Seeker's night out?' groaned Harry, taking a long sip of beer.
'Because you owe us an update,' said Trent. 'On the doomed effort to change Quidditch scoring.'
'Right, yes,' he said, pulling a parchment from his pouch. 'You may have heard by now that Viktor Krum has circulated petitions among Seekers, and they're all linked. As you can see, we have well over a hundred signatures, and it keeps growing. You're all welcome to sign it if you like.'
Trent took a quill from her bag and added her name. 'It won't work, but at least we're doing our part,' she said, passing the parchment to her neighbour.
'What use is a petition?' asked Hobbs. 'Is Krum planning to present it somewhere?'
'No, because he's convinced it'll fail,' said Harry. 'But he suggested I talk to the team owners, who have a similar petition, and that we make our case at the World Quidditch Conference this winter.'
'Well done, Lord Plock,' said Gilstrap. 'You're clever to plan your press coverage so far in advance.'
Harry rolled his eyes. 'If someone else wants to present it, be my guest.'
'No, you're our best hope,' said Isla Preston. 'You're the only one of us with name recognition outside Britain.'
'Particularly if you fly for England,' muttered Phil.
Hobbs raised one eyebrow. 'Trouble in paradise?' she asked. 'I thought you two were best mates.'
'They were until the Prophet suggested Potter fly for England,' said Sheppard. 'Routledge thought he had it in the bag.'
'I beg to differ,' said Gilstrap.
'They'll never pick you,' scoffed Wainwright. 'It's an international competition, and England isn't going to let someone like you represent us.'
'Because my parents are Muggle-born?' said Gilstrap indignantly.
'No, because you're a huge wanker,' replied Hobbs. 'No offence.'
'Rees, what do you think of Seekers' night out so far?' asked Underhill.
'You're the most premenstrual lot I've ever met,' she said. 'And I'm talking about the blokes. Are they always like this, Toffer?'
Harry tried not to grimace. 'No, they aren't. What's the matter with everyone?'
'We miss Barrowmaker,' said Ekantika Singh. 'He had a calming influence. Elder statesman, you know.'
'Preston, you're the senior Seeker now,' said Wither. 'Can't you impose order?'
'I have a kid at home already. I don't need to play mum here.'
'How did you manage that?' asked Gemma. 'Lord knows I'm in no hurry, but how were you able to fit pregnancy into your career?'
'I owe it all to a charming wizard best known as "You-Know-Who," who decided that witches like me are abominations. My husband and I left for France, and none of the teams were interested in hiring an exiled rosbif, as they call us. So we decided to sprog instead.'
'That's France for you,' said Harry. 'Was your baby born there?'
'No, she was born here after the war ended, thanks to you and your mates.'
'Did you name her Harriet?' asked Gemma.
'No, Hermione. Hermione Chloé Preston.'
'That's beautiful,' said Harry tenderly, and he started to glow.
'Drink!' cried Wainwright, and several of the other Seekers drained their glasses.
'This can't end well,' said Trent.
'I don't believe for a minute you can't control it, Potter,' scoffed Gilstrap, who hadn't drunk. 'This is just another bid for attention.'
'It really isn't,' said Gemma. 'He still can't eat in Muggle restaurants, because he glows at the drop of a hat.'
'Why would you want to eat in a Muggle restaurant?' persisted Gilstrap. 'You'd be completely anonymous there.'
'You've answered your own question,' said Harry, still aglow. 'And besides, I need to get this under control if I want to fly the Firebolt Ultra.'
'So you really like it now?'
'I do.'
'Then it's a good thing you didn't endorse Silver Arrow,' said Sheppard. 'Even though I thought you were daft at the time.'
'He was daft,' said Phil. 'But I hear you have a new endorsement lined up.'
Harry frowned but said nothing. What do they know? he wondered.
Gemma followed his lead. 'I haven't heard about any new endorsement, Toffer. What is it?'
'That's just it,' said Phil. 'No one knows. But according to my mate who plays for the Kestrels, you told Kiely you signed an unusual, worldwide, and highly lucrative contract.'
'Damn you, Toffer!' cried Gemma. 'Aren't you rich enough?'
'He has poor relations,' said Hobbs. 'At least that's what Ginny said.'
Ginny! thought Harry, with a stab of betrayal. But his hurt vanished when he realised Hobbs was exaggerating, and that she'd probably overheard it.
'I'm under a lot of pressure to make up for centuries of profligacy by the Blacks,' he admitted. 'I turned down Silver Arrow because I thought it would reflect poorly on the family, but it turns out my chief responsibility as Head of House is to earn money.'
'So this has nothing to do with your own ego,' said Gilstrap. 'Furthermore, you wouldn't mind having middle-class descendants, but as Head of House you're morally obligated to perpetuate a dynasty?'
'Two dynasties,' said Hobbs. 'Potter and Black.'
'The Potters aren't that kind of family, but it hardly seems fair to favour some of my future offspring over the others,' replied Harry. 'And if you can think of a better approach, I'm all ears.'
'Give it all away,' said Gilstrap. 'And when your kids receive Hogwarts letters, turn them down and enrol them at East Nowhere School of Magic.'
'Why shouldn't he send his kids to Hogwarts?' asked Gemma. 'Getting a shitty but prestigious education is a centuries-old Potter family tradition.'
'Hogwarts seems to be improving,' said Wainwright. 'But Gilstrap clearly wishes he'd attended a poorly-run, elitist death trap.'
'I wish wizarding Britain had at least a semblance of social mobility,' said Gilstrap. 'But thanks to people like Lord Plock it's hardly better than King Arthur's court.'
'And how is that Harry's fault?' asked Gemma. 'He's done more to help Muggle-borns from obscure schools than any wizard living. Between keeping us alive and helping remove those wards, he's the—I dunno ... Gandhi of wizarding Britain.'
'Gandhi?' said Hobbs incredulously. 'Maybe because he strips down to his underwear at every opportunity, but he's hardly a spiritual leader.'
'Ahem, Light magic,' said Underhill.
'I am nothing like Gandhi,' said Harry. 'Can we drop this?'
'But it's so much fun!' said Wither. 'Sorry, Potter—it's nothing personal. We always take the piss out of the league's best Seeker.'
'Then why aren't you slagging Routledge?' asked Harry.
'He's right,' said Phil. 'Not that I'm necessarily the best Seeker, but that we're ganging up on him. Harry's been nothing but decent to all of us, and we're treating him like shit tonight. Myself included—I'm sorry.'
Harry, whose glow had long since faded, felt himself relax slightly. 'Thanks, and it's all right.'
'He's used to it,' said Gemma. 'I don't know why, but it's easy to forget he has feelings, which is daft since he tells me and the other Cannons how much he loves us at least once a week.'
'Are you sure he's not just trying to get into your knickers?' asked Wainwright.
This led to a spirited discussion about team fraternisation, and not just amongst the Cannons. There was considerable gossip about who was dating whom between teams, and how many couples had formed during Harry's last party.
'England is bound to win the World Cup in twenty-five years, thanks to the breeding programme that began in Potter's guest bedrooms,' said Barnwistle.
'Yes, but what about Seekers?' asked Preston. 'I blew my chance by sprogging with a civilian, but have any of you lot paired off?'
Nearly everyone looked at Harry. 'Oi! I've barely been in the league for three months!'
'You're a fast worker,' said Underhill. 'You don't beat about the bush.'
Phil threw a beer mat at him. 'That was a foul for sure. But Harry's too indiscreet—everyone knows who he's shagged.'
'Not the Sorceress witch,' said Sheppard.
'She's not a Seeker,' said Harry.
Sarah Trent smirked and said, 'No, and she definitely wouldn't have been able to sit a broom the next morning.'
Harry eventually excused himself to go to the loo, but before he returned to the table, Phil Routledge ambushed him. 'Harry, I'm sorry about earlier.'
'You already apologised. And don't worry about it.'
'No, it was childish of me. It's not your fault the Prophet said you should fly for England. By all accounts, your performance against Kiely was world-class.'
'But you have far more experience than I do, and you're less controversial. England deserves a proper national team and not a bloody circus.'
'They deserve the best Seeker,' argued Phil. 'And that may well be you.'
'Or Hobbs,' said Harry. 'But probably you.'
Phil chuckled. 'They'd never pick Gilstrap. It's ironic, really—he thinks he needs to be a dick to succeed, but it's actually holding him back.'
After chatting a little longer, Harry proposed they have dinner together sometime soon. 'But no pulling—I'm taking a break.'
'Alert the media,' joked Phil. 'Or are you saving it for tomorrow's broadcast?'
'Yeah, I think I need accountability,' said Harry as they returned to the table.
'Did you two kiss and make up?' asked Hobbs.
'We decided to settle it over the pitch in November,' replied Phil. 'So not only will Puddlemere win the cup, but I'll defeat Potter as well.'
After more beer and conversation—heavily salted with quotes from Doctor Niffler—the Seekers began to disperse. Gemma and Harry left together, which earned hoots from the others. 'Don't violate Cannons rules, you two!' said Wainwright. 'Or else you'll both be sacked, and they'll have to bring back Barrowmaker.'
As they walked to the fireplace, Gemma said, 'How are you doing? Do you need a few minutes with Friendly Gemma to recover?'
'Friendly Gemma?' asked Harry. 'Have I met her before?'
'Of course you have! She's the one who calls you Harry sometimes.'
'Oh, right—when we first met. Yes, I could stand a few minutes with her, for old times' sake.'
They went to Grimmauld Place and flopped down in the sitting room. 'Are they always that hard on you?' she asked.
'No, it gets worse every time. At first it was only Gilstrap and Hobbs, but now it's nearly everyone. Am I doing something wrong?'
'You've won nearly every match you've played, without having to faff about in the reserves. And you'll probably earn more than all of them combined, once your underwear earnings start rolling in.'
'So they're jealous?'
'Duh! And this is news somehow?'
Harry sighed. 'What do I do about it?'
'You're asking the wrong person, since I'd probably just hex them. But you should probably take the high road. Turn the other cheek, or something.'
After a silence, Harry said, 'I remember when Dudley learnt that expression. We were eight or so, and Aunt Petunia decided we needed to go to Sunday school. Not for actual moral instruction—at least not for Dudley—but because our new neighbour was scandalised when she found out we didn't attend.'
'That was right Christian of her.'
'Anyway, Dudley barely paid attention, but the "turn the other cheek" story got through somehow, only completely backwards.'
Gemma scowled. 'That fucker said it when he hit you, didn't he?'
'Three cheers for magical healing,' said Harry dryly. 'It probably inspired Dudley to punch harder.'
'Right,' said Gemma. 'I take it back—don't turn the other cheek.'
'No, it's good advice, considering the Seekers aren't actually punching me. And besides, if they really are jealous, that's no fun. I certainly know what that feels like.'
'From growing up with your cousin?'
'Yeah, when we were little. And then at Hogwarts, when my mates all had families to go home to. But at least I had Sirius for a while.'
Gemma's expression was softer than he'd ever seen it. 'God, we all have such short memories. It's not like it was even that long ago that the stories about your family came out, but everyone's forgotten already.'
'I'm thrilled they've forgotten. I'd much rather be known as a spoilt manwhore than as the Boy Who Was Abused.'
After another silence, she said, 'Do you normally even talk about this?'
He shook his head. 'No, it's probably the beer talking. That's the problem with alcohol—you never know if it'll put you in a great mood or just make you maudlin.'
Gemma eyed the record player. 'Would music cheer you up?'
'Actually, yeah.' He walked over and pulled out an album. 'Is Squeeze all right?'
'Good choice,' said Gemma. Harry put on the record, and they listened to several songs without talking. 'You didn't have this growing up, did you?' she asked.
'Squeeze?'
'No. Sitting in the lounge with your family, listening to records.'
'Maybe when I was a baby,' said Harry. 'But otherwise, no.'
'My siblings and I used to fight over what to listen to, so the rule was we could each pick one side, and then it was someone else's turn.'
'Not the whole album?'
'No, the whole album's too long. Which meant I always had to pick my favourite side.'
'Couldn't you make a deal with one of your siblings, and they'd pick the other side so you could hear the whole album all at once? And then the next day you'd pick their album.'
'We tried that, but enforcement was a problem. Which led to more fighting.'
Harry looked at her carefully. 'Did you fight a lot?'
'All the time. But not like you're thinking.'
'You mean not like Dudley and me?'
She nodded. 'Yeah. We still loved each other, and we had each others' back. My mum was strict about that.'
Harry wasn't surprised—Gemma's mum had struck him as kind but steely. 'That must have been hard, raising four kids on her own without magic.'
'If only! I had accidental magic, remember?'
'Oh right. Did you do anything exciting?'
'Petty larceny, mostly.'
'Larceny?' said Harry. 'From shops, you mean?'
'No, from my siblings. For example, Davy had a Swiss Army knife from our dad, only it kept turning up with my things.'
'And you didn't take it?'
'No. Except everyone thought I did, no matter how much I said I didn't. I was convinced Davy was putting it there himself, just to get me into trouble.' After a pause, she said, 'One time I found it before he noticed it was gone, and I tried putting it back, only I got caught. So then they had proof I was stealing.'
Harry's heart sank. 'What happened?'
'I was punished. We'd been planning for ages to go to an amusement park, but my mum made me stay with a neighbour instead. They all went without me.'
'How old were you?'
'Nine. It was right after my birthday, and I didn't get much in the way of presents that year because my mum was going to let me get a souvenir instead.'
Harry felt his Light magic stir. 'I'm so sorry, Gemma. I wish the Ministry weren't so inept when it comes to accidental magic and Muggle-borns.'
'Yeah, well, that's the Ministry for you. At least I was forgiven two years later, when we learnt I was a witch. My mum felt terrible when she realised what had happened.'
'Still, that's awful,' he said. 'For nearly a year everyone thought I was lying about Voldemort coming back. I don't know if there's any worse feeling than when you're telling the truth and no one believes you.'
'That was a lot worse than what I went through!' said Gemma. 'People died because no one believed you. I just missed out on a rollercoaster and hot doughnuts.'
'I guess, but it's still the same feeling, when people treat you like a liar.' He was fully glowing by then, and he looked at her with deep compassion.
Gemma didn't respond right away, and instead she seemed to drink in his compassion. 'Thank you,' she said, blushing. 'I mean it.'
Harry was awash in Light magic and simply closed his eyes. The record reached the end of the side, and then turned over magically.
'Both sides of the same album in one sitting?' said Gemma. 'You really are spoilt!'
Harry chuckled. 'Be sure to tell the other Seekers.'
'I will.' After a pause, she said, 'You know they wouldn't take the piss if they didn't like you, right?'
'Hobbs and Gilstrap don't like me.'
'True, but everyone else does. When you went to the loo, they didn't slag you at all. And Wither said you were an unbelievably good sport.'
'I suppose that's comforting.'
'That's the thing about being jealous of you. Everyone knows you deserve what you have, which makes it harder somehow. Wankers like Gilstrap say you've had everything handed to you, but that's bollocks and he knows it. What he doesn't want to admit is that you've worked like crazy for years, and almost entirely for unselfish reasons. Even now ... the only reason you're dropping your trousers for those adverts is to help a bunch of freeloaders.'
'You mean my descendants?'
'I was thinking of all your new cousins, but I suppose your kids count too.'
'It doesn't feel unselfish. I think Gilstrap was right when he said my ego is involved.'
'Of course it's involved! Your ego is huge!'
'Cheers.'
'Sorry, old habit,' said Gemma. 'Are you talking about when he was saying you should just give everything away and send your kids to East Kettleton?'
'I think he said East Nowhere.'
She shrugged. 'That's just him being jealous again. I know I give you a hard time about noblesse oblige, but you actually use your advantages to help people. And so what if you want your kids to be rich and go to Hogwarts, only without anyone trying to kill them? I want my kids to grow up with magic and have cool toys from Weasley's Wizard Wheezes and never have to stay home with the neighbours while everyone else is at a theme park.'
Harry looked at the clock. 'I should probably turn in. I need to go to the Ministry before practice to take care of my name change.'
'Oh right! This is your last night as Harry Potter. Are you going to commemorate it somehow?'
'Yeah ... by drinking and getting insulted by other Seekers, but then letting my teammate cheer me up. Thanks, by the way.'
'Don't mention it, Toffer. I had a good time—we should do this again.'
'My schedule is wide open for the next fortnight,' he said. 'Just say when.'
He saw her out the kitchen fireplace and turned off the record player, even though the album wasn't over yet. On his way upstairs he paused before Padfoot, who was resting on his belly with his front paws outstretched. 'This is all your fault, you know,' said Harry, and Padfoot's ears pricked up. 'That's right—I'd have been Harry Potter my whole life, except you wanted to shaft the Malfoys.'
Padfoot rose to a proper sitting position and Harry tossed in a treat. 'Good boy,' he said fondly when the dog caught it. He recalled the final letter Sirius had written him, urging him to steer House Black to the Light. I'm trying, he thought, touching the spot on his finger where the family ring was hidden. Truly I am.
