When you don't give me love (You gave me pale shelter)
You don't give me love (you give me cold hands)
And I can't operate on this failure
When all I want to be is
Completely in command
Tears for Fears – Pale Shelter

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Once upon a time, Yellow would have walked up and seen Blue fussing with the many hydrangea flowers in the garden. The roses and the marigolds too, it used to be a passion. It was all a hazy dream now.

Blue kneeling in the garden, a soft smile splayed across her elegant features. Yellow walking up and embracing her after the end of a long day. They would sit in the sun-room of their stately house after dinner, Carissa sharing what she learned at school.

Then Blue would tuck Carissa into bed, and the pair would turn in themselves. Sometimes they would spend all night talking about nothing, about everything. Sometimes they would just hold each other, or make love.

Once upon a time, Blue would call Yellow by her real name, Melena. And Yellow would call Blue by hers; Linna. These days, however, Yellow could hardly distinguish the alias from the actual person; she was Yellow Diamond. Nothing more, nothing less.

That life was all over now, gone forever. The life the pair lived now was just an existence. Getting from one day to the next, like a forced march that never seemed to end.

Yellow shook her head; she had been sitting in her Escalade in the driveway for about 10 minutes now. Lamenting at the life, she used to have, useless. Move forward, keep going, there is no other way.

She walked to the back entrance of the house and turned the lights on in the small foyer. Usually, she would take the path in the garden to the small guest house in the back, not tonight. Tonight, she had to speak with Blue.

Since their daughter had... Passed, their relationship had deteriorated. Blue had asked for a separation. Yellow didn't even put up a fight; she was never one to deny Blue anything. She was ready to move out entirely, but Blue had a massive breakdown on the day of the move. The compromise was living in the guest house.

Yellow grimaced when she recalled what White said, "You're so strong, yet so weak when it comes to Blue." How could she not be, she loved her wife, even if they were separated.

Yellow walked through the side door, proper when, " Ah, Mrs. Diamant, I wasn't expecting you."

Afina, Blue's assistant. Soft-spoken with a dark, shaggy, bob haircut that fell in her eyes, she tended to most of her wife's needs these days.

"I've received some last-minute orders for Blue, from the Director herself. I can't wait." Yellow said as she set her leather messenger bag down and clasped her hands behind her back. White Diamond was rather upset; Blue had her phone turned off. She couldn't be recalled to their offices situated in DC.

"Is she... sober?" Afina winced at the question, and Yellow already knew the answer; no.

"It was a particularly bad day today, Mrs. Diamant." The assistant gave Yellow an apologetic look.

Yellow sighed and nodded. She didn't have the strength to get upset anymore. It was a facet of their lives now, Blue's drinking. She was on anti-depressants and prescription sleeping pills, but she was drinking in excess. Yellow worried constantly, it's the reason why she hired Afina; to help keep tabs on Blue.

"Put some coffee on, please. I'm assuming she's in the master bedroom?"

"She's in your daughter's room." Another contrite look from Afina as she wrung her hands.

Yellow nodded slowly, the puzzle pieces finally fitting together. This was why it was a bad day today; Blue had gone chasing ghosts again. She wanted to tear that room down, but Blue would hear none of it. So, it stayed as it was, a shrine to their dead daughter.

"We'll be in the study Afina, thank you," Yellow said as she turned on her booted heel down the hall.

Past the master bedroom, past the many pictures of Carissa, framed and memorialized on the walls. There was a small part of Yellow that was glad to move into the guest house. Too many reminders of what she had lost were in the main house. When Carissa went missing and was later presumed dead, it was as if she was watching Blue die with her...

She opened the door to her daughter's room; everything was the same as it was when she disappeared in 2004. Dusty textbooks, a high school track uniform tossed on the back of an old recliner. Her senior prom dress wrapped in plastic, still hanging on the door to her closet. (Pink, her favorite color.)

Yellow's gaze finally rested on the desk in the corner; Blue was sitting on the chair slumped on top. She swallowed thickly; this was hell. Literal, actual, hell. She had to get her wife out of this damned room. (Yellow, had to get out of this damned room.)

"Blue? Blue, you need to get up." The voice wasn't stern, but it wasn't gentle either. She put her hand on her wife's shoulder, and finally, she stirred and sat up. She was confused for a moment, looking around and pushing her long silvery locks out of her face. She used to have beautiful cinnamon-brown colored hair, but stress and time had taken its toll.

"Yellow? Wha-what are you d-doing here?" Icy blue bloodshot eyes locked on to Yellow, she wasn't happy. Yellow was hoping this conversation would go smoothly...

Don't argue, get to the point… it wasn't going to be easy. The general wanted to yell and scream at Blue. Make her understand that she was destroying herself. Oh, why couldn't she see that? If she managed to destroy herself that, it would utterly destroy Yellow. Not now, the mission... Always the mission.

"White has been trying to reach you all day. She needs you to investigate a possible incident. She tried calling you, but you were busy by the looks of it." Yellow couldn't help it; she just couldn't. She couldn't bite her tongue and not make a passive-aggressive remark. It was an ugly cycle, the way the pair fought now.

"I'm indisposed." Blue laid her head back on her arms.

"You're always indisposed, Blue. You need to move forward; you need to get out of here. Christ, it's been 15 years now!" She clenched her jaw; this was going to cause an argument for sure. She could already see the tidal wave rising in Blue Diamond's eyes as she turned to look at Yellow.

"You deserve to move on, to be happy." The last sentence was more of a plea than a statement. Yellow didn't mean to sound so vulnerable, so broken.

"Move on. Move on! How can I move on?! That was our child! Ours ! How can I move on from loving her?!" Blue quickly rose from the chair, knocking it over.

"Oh, how easy it must be for you! To just put her aside. To file her away like one of your mission cases!"

The comment was sharp, and it cut into Yellow's core. She had been judged and found wanting. Blue had been thinking on this for some time now, it seemed.

"You truly believe..." Her voice was hoarse, wracked with pain and grief and loathing. "Do you truly believe I'm so cold-hearted?"

Blue didn't need to say anything; her icy eyes spoke volumes. The fiery rancor drained out of Yellow. The silence drew out between the pair, in their dead daughter's room.

"I... I didn't come here to fight." Yellow looked away from her wife's gaze.

"Yellow, I didn't mean-I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" Blue covered her mouth as tears seeped down her face. She placed her free hand on the general's arm; it was stark against the woodland camouflage of her combat uniform.

She gathered the woman in front of her into her arms, her own tears threatening to spill over.

"Let's go to the study, I… I don't want to be in here," Yellow said roughly. Blue squeezed her arm in affirmation.

The pair slowly walked down the hall to the nearby study. Afina had already come by and switched on the lamps in the room. A hot pot of coffee and china cups on a tray already set out. (She even brought in Yellow's bag. Afina was a professional.)

Yellow carefully helped Blue sit on an overstuffed brown leather couch. She then poured her a cup of coffee and pressed the saucer and cup in Blue's shaking hands.

"Take a moment, alright? I'm going to pull up the information." The general took a small laptop out of the bag and fired it up.

"What mundane task does White want me to do? It's getting ridiculous; she should have written me off as a lost cause by now." What wasn't said was; you should have written me off by now.

"I think you are going to be very interested in this." Yellow brought up the video and turned the lap-top so Blue could see as well.

" Keep Beach City weird? You can't be serious Yellow, this is absurd!" Her wife wasn't angry (thankfully), but she was exasperated.

"I'll be honest, I thought this was a joke too, but White was serious. Then I watched this video here." She hit the play button and waited for Blue's reaction.

It was under 30 seconds and shaky, a video taken by someone with a phone. But it was worthy of investigation. The video was of a thin woman pushing a young man out of the way of some falling fishing equipment. A heroic action, but the woman was clipped by the heavy debris. Typically, you wouldn't expect anyone to recover, but the woman got up and brushed herself off like nothing had happened. She should have been crushed.

Yellow looked over at Blue, who had just finished her coffee. She set the empty saucer and cup down on the table without looking and motioned to the general. Yellow handed the small laptop over to Blue so she could watch the video again. She viewed it three more times before saying anything.

"Is that…"

"White Pearl?" Yellow finished for her wife. She leaned over and finally poured herself some coffee.

"The facial recognition report is located on the desktop." Very little interested Blue Diamond these days. She usually had two moods; hysterical and depressed. It was occasionally interrupted with cold determination when White Diamond called on her for a job. Jobs were few and far between, however.

"It's only a 70% match…" Blue trailed off. Investigation was a specialty of hers. Persuasive and beautiful and very intelligent, she was a natural at getting people to open up to her.

"White wants you to investigate. I was told not to touch this one. She wants a gentle probe and evaluation." Yellow took a long drag from the cup; the coffee was just shy of scalding.

"Okay… alright. I'll go in tomorrow; you're leaving at what time?" Yellow leaned back and looked at Blue. There was a spark in her eyes she hadn't seen in a long while.

"Six, I leave at six." Her lips quirked up a bit, it wasn't quite a smile, but it was miles away from the grimace she usually wore.

Blue nodded and closed the laptop.

… … … … … … … … …

Blue hung over the sink heaving, why the hell did she agree to this? It was a quarter to six, and she was in her bathroom mostly dressed in her Air Force blues, and she couldn't even make it out the bedroom door.

She was suffering from withdrawal; it was self-inflicted, and she deserved every bit of it. It had been about eight hours since her last drink. It wasn't too bad now (it was manageable), later though, it could be life-threatening.

She had to plow forward; there was a lead, a chance to avenge her daughter. She knew that woman, White Pearl, was responsible for her daughter's disappearance and death. There was no definitive proof, but she was the only one that was with her the night she disappeared.

Blue Diamond had failed to protect her daughter in life; she would not fail to avenge her death. She straightened up and smoothed out her shirt. Blue checked her hair; she had pulled it back into a regulation bun. Makeup was on point as well. She swore when she realized she only had five more minutes before Yellow would leave. The woman wouldn't go without her, but Blue wouldn't hear the end of it if she were late.

"Mrs. Diamant?" Afina knocked on the door to the bedroom. She was a diligent assistant.

"Come in, Afina." Blue's voice was shaky. Hopefully, it wasn't noticed. The thin woman entered, and for an instant, a wave of surprise washed over her features. It was gone as soon as it appeared; however, she was a professional.

"The general was asking if you were ready, ma'am." Blue walked over to the blazer on the coat hanger by the closet and proceeded to put it on.

"Almost there." Afina nodded at her somewhat nervously. Blue buttoned up the jacket and slipped into her black heels.

"Everything in place?" Blue asked her assistant, pursing her lips.

"You look sharp, Mrs. Diamant. I've placed your briefcase by the door, do you require anything else?" Afina handed Blue her cap.

"No… I'm ready, thank you Afina." The willowy figure nodded and smiled as Blue placed her cap on her head. She briskly walked to the foyer, checking the mirror one last time before stepping out the side door.

She heard a car door open as she walked down the stone pathway, her heals sharply striking the ground. Yellow was securing her bag and cap in the backseat. She made for a dashing figure in her USMC dress blue uniform. Blue pants with a blood stripe down the outside seam, and a khaki long-sleeved shirt with enough starch to cut yourself on.

"Blue…" She had a genuinely astonished look on her face.

Blue didn't say anything. She opened the front passenger door and carefully stepped up into the Escalade. (Making sure her skirt stayed at knee level.) She set her briefcase on the floorboard and strapped her seatbelt before taking off her cap. Yellow climbed in after her and started the vehicle.

The Escalade smoothly rolled out of the driveway and headed towards The Authority's main headquarters. They had about a 20-minute commute from McLean to DC, provided there were no traffic interruptions. But it was the capital and the seat of the US Government, there were always traffic interruptions.

As expected, after driving for a short while, the news traffic radio was reporting an accident on the Capital Beltway. Yellow swore softly and made for I-395… Along with everyone else driving in that area. (There was a reason why the general left two hours early.) Yellow huffed and turned off the air and cracked her window; Blue followed suit.

"You look good today." The general said softly, looking in her direction. She sounded so vulnerable; it was rare for her to let her guard down. It usually took work for anyone to get past the austere woman's stony exterior. But she always revealed herself to Blue, even now despite them being separated.

"I can't go to headquarters looking like a disaster. Especially if I'm going to speak to White." Her stomach was turning itself inside out. The irony was she hadn't eaten anything since midday the previous day. She swallowed thickly and leaned back on the headrest.

"Are you alright?" Yellow was more than a little concerned, Blue could tell by her pitch.

She nodded, and some time passed as they sat in the traffic jam, the news radio droning on and on. Yellow giving her the occasional concerned glance…

Blue wasn't okay.

"We need to pull over, now." Yellow didn't question it; she only reacted. The general managed to reverse the Escalade a few precious feet, the car behind them honking the horn.

The problem was they were two lanes away from the exit lane. But somehow Yellow expertly managed to squeeze the large SUV through two rows of bumper to bumper traffic. She then peeled out into the emergency lane, taking the ramp off the interstate.

She sped down the off-ramp and turned into the nearest parking lot. The general skidded to a halt in one of the parking spots, and Blue immediately jumped out and ran into the small grassy area in front of the SUV. There was nothing in her stomach; she was vomiting bile.

Blue steadied herself by placing her left hand on the hood of the car. What a sight, they were in the parking lot of some restaurant with her bent over holding her stomach. The smell of hot pavement and exhaust coming from the nearby interstate in the late August heat.

"Hey," Concern and tenderness made for a heady mixture in Yellow's voice. The Irish woman's head was fuzzy, so she didn't quite register that her wife had managed to steer her back over to the passenger front seat. She sat sideways, feet resting on the sideboard of the vehicle.

"I'm taking you to the emergency room," Yellow spoke as she took Blue's neck tab off and unbuttoned her blazer and shirt collar.

"No! No, I want to go Yellow. I want to do this! I need to do this." Blue grit her teeth as tears tumbled down her face.

"You're having withdrawals! You and I both know how serious this can get." The last time Blue had gone cold turkey was over a year ago, and she started hallucinating.

Yellow's voice was raised, but she held Blue as if she was made of delicate glass. Her left hand resting on Linna's cheek, her thumb stroking the bottom of her jaw. Her right hand clutching the lapel of her blazer. Melena was terrified of losing her.

"Yellow," Blue placed her hand on the general's shoulder, her fingers absentmindedly stroking her corded neck. Her throat was raw, and her voice reflected this.

"I have to do this. If this really is White Pearl? I have to take her in; I have to find closure. Because if I don't, I'm not sure I'll ever be able to recover." This was it, the bare truth. She was desperate to find an end to this nightmare. The nightmare that started 15 years ago with the disappearance and death of their daughter.

Yellow clenched her jaw and looked away from Blue. It was an actuality, and it was painful, like so many other facets of their lives at the moment.

"Okay." The response from the general was rough but exposed as she looked back. She seemed to be in as much pain emotionally as Blue was physically.

"As soon as the meeting is over, I'm calling someone from the medical unit, though." Yellow straightened out Blue's jacket.

Blue twisted around and fastened her seatbelt as Yellow shut the door. The general climbed in the other side and started the SUV. She reached into the center console and pulled out a bottle of water; Blue took it and murmured her thanks.

"You think anyone in the restaurant noticed?" Yellow asked before she pulled out. She was half wincing at Blue.

"Yellow, it's a bloody Waffle House. I'm pretty sure people getting sick in their parking lot is a common occurrence here." She leaned her head back on the headrest, looking at her wife, her tone all exasperation.

Yellow shook her head and started to laugh hard and leaned forward, clutching the steering wheel. When she finally looked back at Blue, she had her signature "shark grin" on her face.

"That tickled you, didn't it?" Blue's lips quirked up in a small smile. It was an ugly victory, but she'd take anything at this point.

"Oh, the god-dammed traffic… Let's get out of here before we're late." Yellow finally said, collecting herself. She reached over for Blue's hand and laced their fingers together. It was the first time in a long while the couple had held hands.