Learning to Live Again

Chapter 13

Mike could tell something was really bothering Libby. He hoped it wasn't that they had slept together. He had no regrets and he hoped that Libby felt the same. After Bobby was put to bed, Mike finally spoke up.

"You seem upset by something." Mike said as he scooted closer to Libby on the couch. He put an arm around her shoulders and smiled down at her. "Was it last night? I didn't hurt or scare you, did I? I don't regret it." Mike said.

"Not last night. This morning…do you remember me waking you up?" Libby asked.

"No. I thought you had, but I guess I was sleeping pretty well." Mike said.

"You called me Christine. Told me…or her, rather; to have a good day and that you loved me…or her." Libby said, even confusing herself.

"I see." Mike said. He was rubbing his face with his hand and Libby wasn't sure what to think.

"Look. I can't say that I understand, but maybe we've moved too fast. I don't regret last night either, but it might have been an error in judgement." Libby admitted.

"That's kind of the same thing. Look, things with Christine and I were not good, but I did love her. Probably a great deal more than she loved me. I won't apologize for that, but I will apologize for…saying that this morning. I can tell you that it won't ever happen again, but I can't make that promise, since it has happened now. She and I were married for a long time. While our marriage was flawed, we argued a lot, but the basis was that we didn't divorce because we still loved one another." Mike explained.

"If she had survived, would you have stayed married?" Libby asked.

"I would like to say so, but I don't know. One thing you will find out about me is that I am loyal. Sometimes, even stupidly so." Mike said. He reached over and squeezed Libby's hand and gave her a weak smile.

"How was that going to work when you and I divorced?" Libby asked.

"Well, before last night; I had it all figured out. It was like a business arrangement. But last night changed things for me. Question is, did it for you?" Mike asked.

"I suppose so, but just…my fiancée died, and my second fiancé jilted me two hours before the wedding because he didn't want to sleep with a size 20. You can't say that didn't bother you." Libby said.

"Before last night, I would have probably said it did, but it didn't bother me last night. In fact, I quite enjoyed it. Christine was always focused about her weight. I never minded if she gained a bit of weight, but she did. I also know, you have some health problems that contribute to it. Its not your fault." Mike said.

"I see." Libby answered. She really wasn't sure how to proceed.

"Libby, if you don't want to do this; I understand. This must be right for you too. You've sacrificed a lot so that I can adopt Bobby." Mike said.

"I get to adopt him too. It's just a very peculiar position." Libby said.

"It is. I can promise you though, I will treat you well. I would guess your ex fiancé was a piece of work?" Mike asked.

"Oliver? Yeah. He was not a nice person, but I didn't see it until I was jilted. Matt was nice though. He treated me well." Libby explained. Mike had wrapped an arm around her, and she snuggled in under his arm.

"Christine was basically a nice person. A bit shallow at times, but she loved the kids. As much as I would hate for them to be alone, I wouldn't have wanted them to die before her. She was so broken-hearted when I called from the Arctic." Mike admitted.

"You do have confirmation on their deaths? I know there have been people surface." Libby asked.

"Yeah. After I got back from the Med, after the famine, one of the detectives I had hired finally found their names in a database. Of course, there are remains, but I was able to obtain death certificates. In some way, it was a relief. It ended a nightmare. As long as I didn't know, I imagined the worst. Them being hungry, scared, sick or hurt. Once I had confirmation, those nightmares went away." Libby said.

"It can't have been easy, though. I can't imagine…" Libby said.

"It wasn't and I hope you never find out." Mike answered.

"I doubt I will. At my age, kids are quickly going off the table." Libby remarked and then realized how selfish it sounded.

"I don't know. After last night. We didn't use anything, and I can assume you aren't on birth control? You probably didn't figure you would be sleeping with me." Mike asked.

"No, I didn't. Do you want more kids? Besides, Bobby." Libby retorted.

"I do. But, like you; at my age, that is quickly going off the table. I always wanted a huge family." Mike said.

"But you and Christine only had three kids?" Libby asked.

"She didn't want a huge family. She wanted one boy and one girl. We had two girls before we had Lucas. I always felt bad for Hannah. She said I favored her, and maybe I did a little. One of us needed to dote on her." Mike remarked. Libby could hear the sadness in his voice.

"I'm sure that Hannah adored you. Just looking at the pictures of you and her prove that. We really didn't do anything to prevent a pregnancy last night. Do I need to go to the doctor?" Libby asked, partly to take his mind off Hannah, and to address an important issue.

"Do you intend on doing what we did last night again? If so, if you want to go and get put on something, I will understand, but I will also say, if you do want to have your own child, it might not be advisable. Its something we really need to discuss." Mike told her.

"This just got really heavy. Can we concentrate on getting Bobby adopted first? I won't go on anything, but the doctors have all warned me that having a natural pregnancy might not be easy. They've mentioned IVF and everything." Libby asked.

"I think that is a good idea. I do have some friends wanting to visit. Not this coming weekend, but the next. Is that okay with you?" Mike asked.

"Its fine. And Tamara is wanting us to go shopping Saturday. Just her and I. She also asked if we could babysit a few hours Sunday afternoon so she and Joey could have some time to themselves. He's been working a lot lately." Libby said.

"That sounds good. It'll be good for you to get out and I wouldn't mind watching Andy and Abby. Bobby really enjoys them." Mike remarked.

"He does seem to. Listen, I am exhausted. I didn't get much sleep last night. I really need some rest. I can sleep in my room tonight if you want me to, but I really have to sleep." Libby told him. She actually was hoping to sleep with Mike. She loved feeling his arms around her through the night. For the first time in years, she felt safe.

"I slept until almost ten. Let's go to bed." Mike said as he stood up and pulled Libby up.

"Can…I sleep with you? In your room, I mean?" Libby asked nervously.

"Of course. Go get ready while I lock up." Mike said before giving her a kiss on the forehead. He could be shockingly tender with her and Bobby and it was another thing Libby loved.

Libby put on a pair of comfortable pajamas, brushed her hair and teeth and walked into Mike's bedroom. She immediately noticed that he had put away all the pictures of Christine. His pictures of his kids were still sitting around, but they didn't bother Libby. Christine's pictures the night before had made Libby a bit nervous. She could only hope Mike was ready for this step.