Chapter 16: The Letter
December 9th
Elara stared at the letter in her hands, reading the short scribble over and over. It had come this morning with the box of hygiene products her mother had sent her, topping off her tooth paste and soaps. She would have missed the tiny scroll had Pansy not pulled half of the paper wrapping out of the box to look at the brand of soap she used, making comments about how it was unfair she got to use such fantastic and luxurious soaps when she couldn't even appreciate it.
The scroll had been shrunken down to the size of a Knut. The only reason it caught her eye was that it was tied with a tiny ribbon- a tiny silver ribbon. She and her Father had made a game of exchanging notes when she was young. He would hide them in her pockets, under her pillows, in the flowers in the garden, in her favorite teacup… She would do the same. Place them in his briefcase, in his robes, stuffed inside his walking stick, slipped under the door to his study… She always tied hers with purple thread, thread she would pull from a tapestry hanging on her wall. And her Father always tied his with silver ribbon.
My Dearest Girl,
I wish for you to visit me on your Christmas Holiday. Should you choose to agree, everything will be set up for the day after Christmas. Do you remember the Banana Muffins? I think about it almost constantly.
All My Love.
She didn't need to open it- to look at the handwriting she would recognize anywhere, to know it was from him. She didn't need to see a name signed, and she expected that had been on purpose, the same reason he hadn't written hers.
Very suddenly, all the anger and hatred she had begun to hold for him had slipped between her fingers and she felt her chest ache.
For the last few weeks she had been so sure of everything she was doing. She had finally decided that she was done with it all, she was tired of being scared and dishonest. She gave Draco the formula she had created and decided that she had done her part. He didn't need her anymore. The conversation was not a pleasant one, Draco hadn't talked to her in over a week now. Betrayed was the word she would use anytime she was close enough to feel his emotions pulsating from him.
Blaise on the other hand, had been extremely supportive. Continuing to try and convince her to spend Christmas Holidays with him and his mum in Italy if she didn't want to stay at Hogwarts. He was adamant that she not go back to the Manor, but she still had yet to tell him yes or no. She was leaning toward spending alone time at Hogwarts, working on her studies and exploring the grounds. Maybe even spending some time nursing the odd cross bred Devil's Snare she and Neville had been working with. But then again… she did miss her mother and she would quite like to make sure the Fanged Geraniums hadn't been starved out and that her Alihotsy hadn't cross bred with them again, because while from a distance; having fanged flowers laughing hysterically as they tried to bite anything that came near them sounded funny—it had created quite a few scars on her fingers she would rather not repeat.
The fear that coursed through her veins every time she thought of returning to the Manor should have been enough to accept Blaise's offer. However, she just needed to make sure her mother was okay. Needed to hear her voice, see her face. She sent her packages twice a month, but other than that… She didn't even write anymore.
She traced her fingers over the parchment. She wanted to talk to Harry and needed to talk to Draco. She pulled her shoes on and rolled the parchment back up, shoving it in her pocket. Right. She'd go to Harry first, at least he'd be honest with her. Tell her if it was wise to see her father, and she trusted that he wouldn't tell anyone about the letter. Plus, Draco had made it clear he was avoiding her at all costs, and she wasn't sure that battle was one she wanted to have out at this moment.
She pulled her hair into a rushed bun and grabbed her knapsack and her wand. It was Thursday, which meant Harry didn't have classes in the afternoon. It was just after eight, so he should be done with his private lessons with Dumbledore right about now… She would go to the library. Wait for him there. It was hardly a new plan. They had met in the library about the same time every Thursday for weeks to study. Until Ron and Lavender Brown started seeing one another, around the same time as Harry and Elara, It had been a rather large group of students who met up. Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Neville, Dean Thomas, Harry, Seamus, Justin Finch-Fletchly, Millicent Bullstrode… Even Blaise joined them sometimes. It was an odd little group of mostly Gryffindors, but they all had relatively similar classes and it made studying far more productive.
She hummed some stupid jingle she heard Peeves squawking earlier in the day as she wandered the dimly lit halls. She wondered if Neville would be there tonight. As awkward and somewhat dim witted as he was, he was particularly skilled with Herbology, and they talked quite often about plants. She wanted to ask his opinion on growing a Shrivelfig at home, if he thought she could do it without acquiring the sapling from Abyssinia.
When she got to the table they usually sat at, only Hermione was present. "Hello, Hermione!" She said, giving a smile.
Hermione looked up from her book. "Hi, Ellie." She sounded less enthused than usual.
"Are you alright?"
Hermione gave a nod. "I'd be better if I could escape Cormac McLaggen's incessant cornering."
Elara looked around. "He's not here now."
"He only just left. Told him I had a study session set up with you and he bolted."
Elara chuckled and pulled a chair out, sitting next to Hermione and opening her knapsack. "Well I'm glad this odd fear of me that people have has helped someone out. Merlin knows it works my nerves."
Hermione offered a smile and nod as she jotted down a few notes. "Hey, I've been meaning to ask you something… Those Saxon Rune's you were looking over… What were they for? I asked Professor Babbling if your class was studying them, to see if I needed to prepare myself, and she said no. That it wasn't covered until next year."
"They were Draco's actually." Elara said. "He missed a class and was doing an extra assignment to help pull his marks up."
"I just wonder why she would give him an assignment on something we haven't covered yet." Hermione pressed.
"Dunno." Elara shrugged, becoming aware of the prickly feeling of disbelief in the air. "If I had to guess I would say that when he asked her to make up the points, he more… demanded it and acted like a complete git."
Hermione laughed. "That makes sense."
"So, Cormac McLaggen?" Elara asked, quickly changing the subject to avoid any more suspicious questioning. "He's… nice."
"No." Hermione said. "He isn't. He's revolting. He's arrogant and so very stupid."
"He has a nice face?" Elara offered, stifling her laughter.
"His eyes are too close together." Hermione said, folding her arms over her chest.
"Is it because he isn't ginger?" Elara asked, pursing her lips and cocking an eyebrow.
Hermione's cheeks flushed and she narrowed her eyes. "You don't know what you're talking about."
"If you say so." She responded. "But I think you should know that what he's doing with Lavender… It isn't anything stable. She's already driving him insane."
"Did Harry tell you that?"
"No." She admitted. "I can just see it. I'm very good at reading people. He's certainly not in love with her. Plus, who wouldn't go mad with that shrill voice in your ear every moment?"
Hermione cracked a smile and laughed. "I suppose you're right."
Elara opened her Charms and DADA books, comparing them against her notes on nonverbal spells. "Is anyone else coming tonight?" She asked, looking at the clock. "Harry should be done by now…"
"I'm sure he's fine." Hermione said, picking up on the worried undertone in Elara's voice. "He's with Dumbledore."
Elara nodded and continued looking in her books, scribbling down menial things that may come up in their next exam. She and Hermione exchanged a few notes back and forth before Hermione moved on to her Arithmancy homework. Elara usually enjoyed studying with Hermione, they were able to talk about silly but related things- like human transfiguration and what they would change to look like once they could get it just right. Or the idea of selling muggle notebooks and trapper keepers to students to stay more organized. However today, Hermione seemed preoccupied and Elara supposed she did too.
The thought of the letter shoved into her back pocket was in the front of her mind, biting its way into her studies. Could she even return to the Manor without her mother being at risk? Without Draco being at risk? Could she return home and pretend like there weren't a dozen Death Eaters using the rooms of the massive house as if they were their own? And what about Harry? If she went home, she certainly wouldn't be able to write him or communicate with him at all. Why would her father ask to see her now? He'd been gone for months! Why now?! Had he asked to see Draco too? Or Mum?
And how was she supposed to visit him?! Between rogue dementors and insane guards… She shuddered. She wasn't sure she wanted to think about that bit.
"Sorry I'm late!"
Elara and Hermione's heads snapped up as Harry walked into the room, tossing his book bag onto the table and sitting next to Elara. He leaned over and gave her a quick peck and then gave Hermione a smile.
"Always late." Hermione mumbled. "If you've got anything for me to look over, let's see it. I'm almost done here for tonight."
"Oh yeah." He said. "My Transfiguration… I still can't get my head wrapped around the eye color changing technique. Here…" He dug his parchments out of his bag and handed them to Hermione to look over.
"How's your nonverbal spells essay coming for DADA?" Elara asked. "You barely had four inches done the other day and it's due on Tuesday."
"I still have four inches." He admitted, handing that parchment to her. "But with Snape it doesn't matter what I write, he's going to give me the least passing grade he can possibly give me. I could hand in the exact same essay as you give him, and you'd get full credit and I'd barely get any."
"Well if you gave him the same exact essay as me you would fail because he'd know you cheated." Elara said, giving him a playful smile.
"Harry, did you listen to the lecture at all?!" Hermione scolded. "You were supposed to write about the differences of Metamorphmagi and Human Transfiguration here… Not the similarities! Why is it important to note that they are different?! I'll read over this more later. I want to get back to the dorm before it gets too late and I get stuck in the common room with Cormac."
Elara chuckled and nodded saying goodbye as Harry gave Hermione a quick hug.
"Well, if she's not going to be here, we could-
"Go over your defense essay." Elara interrupted.
Harry rolled his eyes and pouted for a moment, giving a laugh as she playfully struck his arm.
"Hey, I kind of need to talk to you about something actually…" Elara said. "I just- I don't know what to do."
"Okay?" He said, his eyes pulling up from his parchment.
She dug the parchment from her back pocket and handed it to Harry to read. "I got this today."
Harry stared at it for several long minutes, she assumed he was re-reading it several times, just as she had. "Your Father?"
She nodded. "Yeah."
He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth and sighed. "So, you'd just waltz into Azkaban?"
She shrugged. "I don't know. There aren't exactly details in the four sentences he wrote."
"Except that you'd be meeting the day after Christmas."
"Right." She said. "So, he's obviously got something planned. Probably agreed to pay off a guard." She sighed once again, Lucius throwing money at a problem. Typical. "I wasn't even sure if I was going back to the Manor for holidays."
"You weren't?" Harry asked. "I thought you were."
"Why? I never said I was."
"I guess I just assumed you would." He admitted. "Where else would you have gone?"
"I thought about staying here. Working on my studies… Blaise invited me to Italy-
"You'd go with Blaise to Italy?" He asked, jealousy in his voice.
She rolled her eyes. "Their villa in Tuscany is beautiful. I've been before… Plus if I go with Blaise or stay here, I can still owl you…"
"I don't want to be the reason you don't spend Christmas with your family." Harry said, firmly. He looked over the letter again. "Banana Muffins? Is that code for something?"
She smiled. "No, not really. Just a funny little tradition we have."
"Oh? Do explain!" Harry said.
"When I was about twelve, I decided I would learn how to bake. Like, properly learn. I would bake like a Muggle- I was determined. Obviously, we don't have the tools at the Manor required for it, but I wanted to learn. So, my father had the house elves build this makeshift Muggle kitchen. And for hours, he would stand there and charm the fake Muggle oven to heat and cool and whatever else I needed it to do. Everything I made was rubbish. One day I decided on Banana Muffins. I wanted them for breakfast, and I wanted to be the one to actually make them. So, he had Nimsy gather all the ingredients I would need, and I tried to bake these muffins. And he thought it'd be funny to get a little rise out of me… He cast an Engorgio on my muffin! But he let it go too long and it just kept growing and growing and finally it exploded. There were bits of banana muffin everywhere. We were covered in it." She was laughing as she told the story, remembering fondly the look on her father's face when it exploded, and the warm, goopy mixture splattered against his nice robes and got in his hair. "Mum was so mad! It was the morning of some event she had planned in the ballroom! She made us clean it up by hand, the Muggle way! Said if I wanted to act like one then I could do it proper."
"Your father- Lucius Malfoy- indulged you in cooking like a muggle?"
She nodded. "More than once. That was just what put a stop to it. He swore the entire time we cleaned that he would never cast an Engorgio again. We were scrubbing for hours, father ended up missing the event altogether. Mum was livid."
"Did you ever get your banana muffin?" Harry asked, amused.
"Once the mess was cleaned to Mum's standards, he left for a while and came back with banana muffins. We ate them together in the sitting room, which was a big deal. We were never allowed to have food anywhere but the dining room at the Manor. Or the ballroom if mum was having an event there… But we sat on the floor and ate muffins and made fun of all of the people in the east wing of the house attending this elaborate Ball my mother had put together."
"I find it hard to picture him sitting on the floor with bits of muffin batter in his hair." Harry admitted.
"So did I." Elara said. "We ended up turning it into a little tradition though. Every time we had a function at the Manor, dad would get us Banana muffins. I wasn't usually allowed at the events, so he'd wake me up after and we'd go sit on the floor of the sitting room and eat muffins and he would tell me about all of the witches and their ridiculous head pieces to match their gaudy robes and the wizards who didn't understand the difference between dressing up and black tie affair."
Harry smiled, despite himself. He just couldn't picture it. Even the few times he had witnessed Lucius with Draco, the warmest he ever seemed toward him was cool reserve, at best. He knew Elara was closer with her parents than Draco, it would be impossible not to be when you spend your entire life in the same house as them—not leaving to go to school for several months of the year. Maybe she wasn't desperate to see the good in him. It was obviously there. From her stories, her parents were good parents. They loved their children, enough to scrub muffin batter off the cabinets by hand and to indulge their daughter in her curiosities about muggles… Even if they advocated for the purists. She wasn't desperate to see the good. No. She was desperate to change her perspective to only see the bad. The negative and nasty things that were said to her at the beginning of the term by other students, the Prophet, even Harry himself.
And that was almost worst. Was it his fault that she was tarnishing what precious happy memories she had of an otherwise stressful upbringing? Was he part of her twisting her own views on her parents to become so skewed in the opposite direction that she now thought them to be evil? That wasn't fair to her…
He leaned back in his chair, rubbing his chin in thought. Did he care? Did he care enough to put his own feelings aside? His own hatred of her father and what he stood for? The desperate Death Eating scum that he was… He was still her father—and that meant something, right?
"I think you should go." Harry whispered.
"What?" She asked, looking at him. Her eyebrows pulled together in confusion.
"I think… Azkaban is guarded largely by Dementors isn't it? If he thinks about this constantly, than it's the only happy thing he can pull out of his head to stay alive. To not go completely insane. I think you should go see him."
"Harry. He was sentenced to life. He tried to kill your friends. He tried to kill you!"
"I know." Harry said. "Maybe it will give you some closure. Make you not miss him so much."
"I don't miss who he is now." She said, her tone flat. "I miss who he was when he was my dad. Not Lucius Malfoy the Powerful Ministry Wizard or Lucius Malfoy the Dark Lord's right hand… I miss my dad. The one who ate muffins with me and let me braid his hair and read me Babbitty Rabbitty… He's not that person anymore."
She leaned back in her chair, suddenly feeling very overwhelmed. Painful flashes of memories long suppressed danced around her head. Her parents sneaking a kiss when they thought no one was watching, learning how to fly for the first time, Father levitating both her and Draco in the air just hear them giggle and squeal…
Another memory, far more recent floated through her mind, crushing everything in its path.
"I'm not going to be around much longer." He said, a rushed and urgency to his voice she had never heard before. "They'll be coming for me soon. They followed us back from the ministry I think…"
"Lucius… What did you do?"
"It's what I didn't do that you're going to need to worry about. I didn't—I didn't do what he asked, Narcissa. I couldn't retrieve the prophecy…"
"It was a group of children!"
"It wasn't just Potter and his band of misfits! The entire Order showed up, we weren't ready for that. Dumbledore showed up—even the dark Lord… He couldn't have predicted that! They're going to be coming for me. You need to get rid of any of the Dark Artifacts. I don't care what you do with them. But you can't get locked up too. The children need you."
"They need you too, Lucius." She said, anger in her voice. "You promised! You said you weren't-
"I know what I said. I'm sorry, my love. I'm sorry."
He turned around, his silver eyes landing on Elara's. A confused look of fear in her eyes. "What's happened? Why are you so scared?" She was standing in the doorway of the study in her navy silk pajamas and her hair disheveled from sleep. "I heard you come in and-
"No, no. I'm not scared, Elara. Everything is going to be fine. Go back to bed, poppet." He said, walking toward her.
She shook her head. "Don't lie to me! I can feel it! Your fear woke me up!"
He looked over his shoulder at his wife and then back to his daughter. He wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her hair. She could feel him shaking with terror, could feel his breathing go ragged as he cried into her blonde strands.
"Father?" She whispered. He didn't reply, just wept. "Dad?"
"I'm so sorry." He cried, kissing the top of her head. "Take care of your brother, he's going to need you. And your mum, alright?"
She nodded. "Yeah." She pulled away from him and looked up into his face. "Dad- I… Here…" She placed her fingertips against his temples and closed her eyes, trying to bury some of the fear. He held her hand against his face for a moment, leaning into it. He sighed and pulled her hand off his face.
"I deserve it." He whispered. "I love you."
Loud banging sounds came from outside the Manor's walls, the wards were crumbling-
She flinched as she blinked several times, becoming aware of her surroundings again. She was shaking, her hands trembling.
"What—what just happened? Ellie, are you okay?" Harry asked, placing his hand on her shoulder.
"Yeah." She said, shaking her head in a sad attempt to clear it. "Yeah, I just- Just a really vivid memory."
She reached into her knapsack and pulled out a black velvet pouch, she reached into the pouch and pulled out a blue crystal bead. She handed it to Harry.
He nodded and pulled the bead and twine necklace from under his shirt and undid the loop on the end, slipping the bead on and re-fastening it. He now had ten beads on his twine. Ten times that Elara had visibly lost herself in overwhelming emotion in front of him.
It was embarrassing how common it was becoming. He never said anything about it though. He would slip the bead onto the string, tie it back up and tuck it back under his shirt as though it had never even happened. She appreciated that he didn't pry.
Harry laced his fingers with hers and could tell she didn't want to talk about it anymore. Which was fine by him. If she wasn't ready to go back to the Manor, he didn't want to force her. She had asked him his opinion, asked what he thought she should do—he told her. That was that. No need to keep bringing up what he imagined were very confusing emotions for her.
"Let's just finish our essays." Harry said. "We don't have to talk about it anymore."
She nodded and then smirked. "My essays are finished. So, you just need to catch up now."
Elara paced the seventh-floor corridor, waiting for the door to appear. Draco wasn't anywhere to be found. He had skipped his classes for several days now, and she had made it a point to skip mealtimes when he would typically be eating. Blaise told her he had only seen him a handful of times in the Dorms and Common Room and Pansy had said the same.
He had to be here. There was nowhere left for him to be. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the door appeared and allowed her to enter. She walked the long aisles, padding quietly through them, navigating the maze of broken furniture and old books and statues as she found what she was looking for.
Draco was on his knees in front of the cabinet, tinkering with the small cogs and whispering incantations, that sounded more like melodies, to them. She looked at him, really looked at him for the first time in weeks and was appalled by what she could see.
His face was sunken in, his already prominent cheekbones stuck out at an even more severe angle than usual, carving a deep hollow in the cheeks beneath them. His eyes were bloodshot with lack of sleep and the abuse of Pepper-Up potions and his hair was greasy and disheveled. His robes were in a heap next to him and the sleeves of his white shirt were pushed up his arms as he worked, She noticed his knuckles looked red and bruised, undoubtedly from his inability to control his anger.
"Coco." She whispered, trying not to startle him. Her voice trembled with a sadness she hadn't realized she was feeling.
He kept muttering the sing-song incantation, ignoring her.
"Draco." She said, a bit louder.
He stopped muttering and shook his head looking down at his lap, defeated. "I'm really losing it." He whispered to himself, scrubbing his face with his hands and huffing out a held breath.
She realized then, that he thought he was hearing things. Which worried her—how often was he hearing things that weren't there? Often enough that he just brushed it off and didn't even look for the source of the sound by the looks of it.
She stepped closer to him and touched his shoulder. "I need to speak with you." She said.
He jumped and fell back onto his bottom. He looked up at her and narrowed his eyes. "What are you doing here?"
"I-I need to speak with you, I said." She realized he hadn't shaved in a few days, the prickly stubble looking out of place on his already terrifyingly hollow face.
He rubbed his face again and folded his arms over his chest defensively. "What do you want?"
"I got a letter from Father." She said. "A couple days ago."
"And?"
"Well, I guess I wondered if he had written you."
"he's written to me several times." He said. "Anything else?"
"He has?" She asked. "You never… You didn't tell me."
"Why would I?" He asked. "It's not like it's anything you'd want to hear. They all just say the same rubbish—begging for forgiveness since his failure is the reason, I'm here doing this. I've been getting one a month since the start of term."
"Has he asked you to visit?"
"No. Why, did he ask you?"
She nodded and handed the slightly crumpled parchment out to for him to read. He looked at her, confusion furrowing in his brow, and took the note. He scanned it over and handed it back to her. "I assume you aren't going?"
"I… I hadn't decided yet."
He arched an eyebrow at her. "So, you came here, for what? To remind me that you're still the favorite in a family you don't want to be a part of. Or perhaps to rub in my face that I haven't been able to do a damn thing with this cabinet in over a week?"
"I- what? No! No! I just wondered if… I just wanted to know what you thought about me going to see father…." She said, suddenly feeling very stupid. Draco was in a dark place; she could tell by looking at him that he wasn't himself—or perhaps he was. Just not the him that she was used to being around. He had told her that she made him soft… His short answers and dagger glares reminded her that he was feared in this place, and she had taken it from him this term. He was still angry at her and she could feel the heat of it rolling off of him in waves.
He gave a loud bark of laughter that startled her. "You? Go to Azkaban? I sincerely doubt it's going to be a warm and fuzzy visiting center."
"I know that." She said, defiantly. "I'm not thick. I just—I don't know."
"You never know." He grumbled, pulling himself up from his fallen position on the floor and brushing off his trousers. He turned his back to her and leaned over, picking up the book he had been working out of and turning back to the cogs on the cabinet. After several moments of silence, of him pretending to work, he spoke again. "You should go."
It was so quiet; she almost didn't hear him. "I should go?"
"That's what I said." He confirmed, snapping the book shut and looking at her. "He failed on purpose and we deserve to know why. If you're going to go, you'd better ask the right questions. Don't waste another opportunity because your fucking feelings get in the way."
She heaved a breath and nodded, biting her tongue. She had spent so long keeping quiet, barely talking, barely telling anyone how she felt about anything. Just going with whatever was happening because that's what was expected of her, and now… Now that she was able to open her mouth, able to speak her mind, she found it almost impossible to bite her tongue without bleeding. But he was right. This was an opportunity to find out some truth. Truth and closure. She gave herself a curt nod. Right. No sense in staying where she wasn't wanted. She gave him one last, long pained look and turned on her heel, stalking toward the exit.
"Elara." He called.
She turned, arching one eyebrow, he rarely called her by her full name. "Yes?"
"Your feelings for Potter are clouding your judgement. Straighten your back and remember why you're here." His jaw was set tight, his lips pressed in a thin line and his eyes narrowed.
"I've done my part." She hissed, the anger in her bubbling up again. "You may have taken that brand on your arm with agonized screams, but you still took it. This is your problem, now. I'm done with it."
She felt the weight of her words crush him as the clicking of her shoes filled the acoustics of the room while she crossed the maze of lost things to the door. As she opened the door, she heard a crashing sound coming behind her, a string of swear words and the click of the door as it shut behind her and seeped back into the wall.
a/n: So this one is quite short, and I apologize for that! But I warned you! haha the next chapter is very long though. I honestly should have split it up, but it didn't make sense. There's also some smut at the end of the last chapter, so if thats not your thing... First off this is rated M, so you know.. you should have been expecting it... Also, there's not anything of great importance after the smut. So you can skip that bit if you must. But its steamy and I wouldn't suggest it haha
I'm probably going to post the next chapter later today, actually. I have a few errands to run and some things to do, so it'll be later tonight, or possibly in the wee morning hours. We'll see. It just depends on what happens.
As always, thank you for reading and reviewing and following and favoriting and just overall being a wonderful group of readers. I love you all! Don't forget to review! Tell me what you think, what you want, what you need from this!
Oh, one last funny little thing... Throughout this story I've mentioned several times about Elara being a clumsy girl. While I try not to put myself in too much of my characters... This and the fact that she loves cranberry juice are 100% me. (Its pretty much all I drink besides whiskey, water and coffee haha)
With that being said, I'm currently off work for possibly the entire week due to a knee injury that I got by slipping on ice in the parking lot on my way in to my shift on sunday... Ya'll... I sprained my knee AND my ankle and strained a ligament in my knee. All because I can't stand on my own two feet properly. *eyeroll* So all of the clumsiness of Elara is definitely my own trait that I gave her.
Anyway, I'm off for now! I'm actually going to have my knee brace adjusted haha
xo
-Mimi
