Chapter 32: Ron's Words
March 25th
Elara was panting as she spun around, brandishing her wand and throwing up a shield charm. She jumped to the side, throwing her arm and cried Flippendo! The red jet zoomed from her wand, narrowly missing Harry and ricocheted off a rock, cracking it half.
"Wait!" She said, putting her hands in the air, palms up. "Wait, I need a minute."
Harry jogged over to her, slipping his wand up his sleeve and bending down to grab the knapsack off the ground. He pulled out a canteen and took a long sip from it, handing it to her. Elara drank the cool water, and pulled an elastic off her wrist, pulling her hair up into a messy bun and then bent over, placing her hands on her knees as she caught her breath.
"You're doing a lot better today." Harry said. "You've gotten faster at dodging."
"You're relentless." She laughed. "I have to. I feel like I can hardly get a hex out."
"You'll get there. We just have to keep practicing. Work on your wordless hexing, it seems ridiculous that a split second could save you, but when you're dueling, it very well could."
In the last week, Harry had suggested they practice martial magic. Elara had no experience with dueling and given her defect from the Dark Lord, she was sure she would need it. Plus, it gave her a reason to spend time with Harry. She knew he was still angry with her and he had every right to be, but he seemed adamant that she learn how to defend herself properly. How to use magic in a practical way if she was going to go against the Dark Lord and his army.
"You need to try and use your abilities, I think." Harry said, after they had rested a few moments and collected their breath.
"I don't think being able to manipulate emotion will help in a duel, Harry." She said.
"You said before that they've gotten stronger? How so?"
She sighed. "It's like I can pick through your brain now and bring any of it to the surface. Before I could only feel emotions attached to specific memories or moments, but now… I don't need the reference point."
"Do you still need to touch?" He said.
She shook her head. "I think it's always going to be more intense if I touch, but it isn't necessary anymore."
"Show me." He said. "Let's go, try it again, but this time, use your abilities."
"I'm not sure, Harry, I don't like to-
"If you don't use them in practice, what good is it to even have them?" He asked.
She sighed. "Alright." She nodded, standing and shaking out her arms as she bounced around as if she were about to fight. "Okay, let's do it."
Harry paced several yards away and turned quickly, firing spell after spell at her. She dodged and threw up shield charms.
"Come on!" He shouted. "Use your abilities, Ellie!" He fired another red jet at her that caught her arm and singed through her jumper, tearing into her skin.
She gasped and shook out her arm, dodging a few more of Harry's hexes. Finally, she twirled around and locked in on Harry's gaze. Quickly, as fingers carding through memos, she found pain and pulled it to the front of his mind. She watched as his face twisted up in agony, he hit his knees and she began firing hex after hex until finally his shields wavered and she caught him square in the chest with a Stupefy, sending him flying backward.
She dropped her wand and sprinted to where Harry was crumpled on the ground, writhing in pain. She grabbed his face. "Harry, look at me!" She said in a rush.
His eyes flew open and she locked into his emerald gaze, locating joy and burying the pain she brought forward. She watched as his face relaxed and a large grin split across it. He sat up and laughed.
"That was brilliant!"
"I'm sorry!" She said. "Are you alright?"
He nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. Ellie, that was… We have to practice more. You've got to use your abilities. You'll be unstoppable if you do that every time! You just need to get your gaze locked on quicker."
"I don't know…" She said, sitting back on her knees. "I'm not comfortable doing that to you every time."
"We'll figure it out." He said. "We'll figure something out. But you need to practice using them. They're going to save your life one day. You shouldn't be afraid of them."
She nodded, shifting so her legs were stretched in front of her. She smoothed her skirt over her thighs and leaned back, onto her palms. "I've been trying to decipher this old book I found in the restricted section."
"Oh?" He said, pulling his knees up toward his chest and resting his forearms against them. "What's the book about?"
"A lot of it seems like nonsense from the fourteenth century." She admitted. "But there's an interesting bit in there about bloodletting to remove Dark Magic from your magical core."
"Bloodletting?" He asked, confused. "Isn't that what they used to heal people? Putting leeches on their skin and taking blood from them?"
She nodded. "That's what muggles did. There's an ancient theory though, that you can bleed the Dark magic from your core. It's… barbaric, honestly. They used it in Azkaban for awhile to try and rehabilitate inmates… There wasn't much success with it."
"So naturally you're thinking about trying it." Harry chuckled.
"No." She said. "Not necessarily. But, it's a start. An idea that I could sever Voldemort's magic from my own."
"Let's just focus on getting your dueling to a better level." Harry said. "Instead of relying on medieval practices that involve bleeding yourself dry, yeah?"
Elara laughed. "Yeah. I suppose you're right."
They sat in amiable silence for a while. Elara had tilted her face toward the sun and closed her eyes. It had finally begun to warm as spring creeped through the lingering chill in air. She could feel the effects of the forced joy slowly fading from Harry, but his mood remained pleasant. She cracked one eye open and peeked at him as he stared at her.
"You're staring, Potter." She said.
He laughed. "You've got the skirt on that I like." He said.
"You have a preference?" She arched an eyebrow as she looked at him.
"That one is a bit erm… Shorter than your other ones." He rubbed the back of his neck and smiled sheepishly.
She chuckled and closed her eyes again, sighing contently. "I didn't think you noticed things like that."
"I notice everything about you." He said.
The silence became tense and Elara opened her eyes, looking to Harry. "How's Ron?" She asked, deciding to change the subject.
"He's back to normal. Though Lavender might stab him if she gets her hands on him."
"Yeah, I heard they split up. What happened there?"
Harry laughed. "He whispered Hermione's name in the hospital wing. In front of Lavender. He called out for her."
Elara's eyes grew wide. "I bet Hermione was beside herself."
"I don't think she's upset about it." Harry agreed. "It's about time, honestly. They've been dancing around it for ages."
She nodded. "Harry… I found out how the mead got poisoned."
Honesty. She had to keep being honest with him. Even when she didn't want to be. She wanted him to trust her again, she wanted to be a good person, even when it wasn't easy. She had spent so long trying to figure out how to tell him, when to tell him… Now seemed just as good a time as any.
"It was Draco, wasn't it?" He said, his voice flat.
She closed her eyes and nodded. "Before Christmas. He was afraid to return home without making any type of progress. He thought if he could say he had made an attempt…"
"But Slughorn kept it" Harry said.
She nodded again. "Harry, I tried to-
He shook his head. "I knew it was him. When you told me about the necklace… I knew it was Draco."
"So, what happens now?" She asked.
Harry shrugged. "No idea. I tried to tell Dumbledore, but I didn't have proof. He doesn't seem interested in what I have to say about it."
"Do you want me to tell him?" She whispered.
"No." Harry said. "You've told him enough. You've implicated yourself enough. Dumbledore knows there's danger coming, he's got a plan for it."
"How do you know?"
"I just do." Harry said. "He always does."
She nodded, wondering if it had something to do with the frequent meetings he had with the Headmaster, but decided not to pry. She was treading thin ice with Harry as it was, this was the most he had talked with her, the most open he had been with her since she had come clean. She had decided to remain honest, to try and be decent, but she was still selfish in her feelings for Harry.
They sat for a long time in silence. Harry seemed to be grappling with his own thoughts and Elara watched him as he picked at the grass and studied it intently. She could feel his uncertainty wrapping around her like a blanket and wondered if it was uncertainty about her. Maybe he thought she was still lying to him about something. Maybe he was trying to discern his own feelings about the situation.
She folded her legs up like a pretzel in front of her, leaning her elbows onto her knees and resting her chin on her fists. She stared into the patch of grass in front of her and allowed her mind to wander. She thought of her family, of their fate and felt her heart clench. Her Mother would be okay. Draco would never allow anything to happen to her. And even though Aunt Bellatrix was absolutely mental, she wouldn't let them kill her sister, would she? She shuddered, banishing the thought. Her father was safe, as safe as one could be in prison. Although Azkaban wasn't an ideal safe haven, it would offer him protection from the hands of the Dark Lord.
She thought of her father often. His face, gaunt and sunken plagued her dreams more often than Voldemort himself did. She wondered how he chose this path. What had made him so desperate to continue his father's attraction to Dark Magic? She then thought of Draco, he said it was his duty, his responsibility to uphold the Malfoy name- the values.
Was being a purist really considered a value? She grimaced. Certainly not something she valued.
"I told Ron and Hermione."
She pulled herself from the patch of grass she had been staring at, looking up to meet Harry's gaze. "Everything?" She asked.
"Mostly." He said.
She nodded. "Do they hate me?"
Harry sighed. "I don't think so. I think Hermione is actually more understanding about everything now."
"What do you mean?" She asked, confused as to why Hermione wouldn't be completely furious with her. She was, after all, a muggleborn.
"I told Hermione about your abilities." He said, looking nervously at Elara. "I know it's really not my place, but I think she could help you research and practice."
She nodded. "I feel like I should be upset with you." She said. "But I'm not. Hermione is brilliant. If anyone can help me figure things out, I'm sure it would be her."
Harry smiled. "That was my thinking."
"Will you tell Ron that it was Draco?" She asked.
Harry was quiet, contemplating the question for a long pause. "I don't think I will. He's a bit… hot-headed sometimes. I'm not sure it would benefit anything if he knew."
She was thankful for Harry's discretion, even if they didn't deserve it. "Thank you."
He checked his watch and pulled himself to his feet, holding his hand out to help her up. She looked up at him for a moment before grasping it and hoisting herself from the ground.
"I'm going to be late for Defense and you have Charms, don't you?" Harry asked.
She nodded. "I do."
"It's on the way, come on. I'll walk you there."
She jogged to where her knapsack was, slinging it over her shoulders and bending down to grab her wand that she had dropped when she jinxed Harry. She shoved it into the waistband of her skirt, pulled her robes over her uniform and fastened the top.
They walked in unison to the castle, their arms nearly touching. She wanted to say something, to keep talking to Harry but she didn't know what to say. Before today, every conversation she had with him had been short. Answering any of the questions he asked her and full of apologies. She thought he was probably tired of hearing them but she would never tire of saying them. She needed him to know the remorse she felt for her lies. For manipulating him and everyone else. She had explained everything to him ad nauseam, answering all questions with honesty and trying to convey how sorry she was without sounding desperate.
But she was desperate, wasn't she? Desperate to prove she wasn't exactly what she had turned herself into. Desperate to prove herself to Harry. Desperate to save her family. Desperate to do what she could to make up for her mistakes.
Desperate for Harry's forgiveness, for his approval.
"I don't really know what to talk about with you, anymore." Harry said, his voice low. Sadness. Disappointment. Frustration.
Elara pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, chewing on it idly. "We don't have to talk, if you don't want to."
"That's the thing," He began, starting up the stairs to the castle. "I want to. I just don't know where to begin. It's not like we can just start over, we know too much about each other."
"We've never really talked about the future, after Hogwarts."
He glanced at her at they moved through the first floor corridor. "It's a bit of a tricky subject, that is."
"Okay, so… perfect world. Normal circumstances. What do you want to do after school?"
"Easy." Harry said. "I'm going to work as an Auror."
She nodded. "You'd make a good one, I'd wager."
"You think so?"
"Harry." She laughed, stopping to look at him. "You've been getting chased down by Dark Wizards for years. You excel at dueling. You're interested in keeping people safe, people you don't even know… I'd say those are good qualities to have if you're going to be an Auror."
He looked at her, a lopsided smile on his face. "Yeah. I guess so. What about you?"
She shrugged. "Never really thought about. I always assumed I wouldn't get the choice."
"Why wouldn't you have a choice?" He asked
"Normal circumstances, no chance of war or if Voldemort hadn't risen again?" She reminded him. He nodded. "Under those circumstances, I'm a pureblooded witch who belongs to a well-known, powerful, and extremely wealthy family, Harry. I would've been married off to some wizard of the same stature and made to have babies."
"Arranged marriage?" Harry asked. "Isn't that a bit… dated?"
She nodded. "Definitely. But under normal circumstances I probably wouldn't have come to Hogwarts. My parents would have married me off to someone of similar social standing to create a bond of sorts. To produce the next line of pureblooded heirs."
"And you would have just… accepted that?"
She shook her head. "Probably not. I don't want to have children. I've known that for years. Mum also never failed to remind me that I'm too cheeky most of the time."
Harry chuckled. "Not wrong there. You don't want to have children?"
"No." She said. "I don't like the idea that my worth is based on raising children. I'd rather… Oh, I don't know… Travel and discover new plants or open a book shop or a café or something."
"With your terrible baking, I'm not sure a café is the right move."
She laughed and playfully swatted Harry's arm. He caught her hand in his and held it for a few seconds, dropping it back to her side. They remained quiet as the lighthearted conversation ended and the air became tense. They reached the Charms room and Harry gave a small wave goodbye as he continued on to the DADA classroom.
Harry dismounted his broom and made his way to the small shed that held the player's locker room. It was a successful practice, and it had been a good distraction to get his mind off Elara and everything that had come to light over the last week or so. And there had been a lot.
He found himself bouncing between anger and sadness more often than not and he didn't know how to approach the subject with her. He wanted to talk to her, he wanted to tell her he forgave her, and he would help her stay safe. But the more he thought on it, he wasn't sure he had. He felt betrayed, but he also felt pity.
She had explained to him the night Voldemort got into her head, the things that happened, the threats he made to her. He knew firsthand what it felt like to have him swimming through your thoughts, and he knew that given the right pressures, he would have done the same thing.
He had already done that.
Last spring, in the ministry. That had been a direct result of having Voldemort in his head, manipulating him into thinking Sirius was in danger. Harry had been reckless. He had done everything he could to get to the department of mysteries only to be tricked and put his friends in danger. Only to watch Sirius die, anyway.
He had never been able to explain to anyone what it felt like to have Voldemort in his head. To feel like you were being held captive in your own dark thoughts. To feel so persuaded by anything simply to make it stop. Having Voldemort in your head was akin to hot knives ripping through the soft tissues of flesh, digging in and twisting behind your eyes until you had to beg for mercy that would only come if you did what he wanted.
So, could he blame her? Could he really be angry that she had accepted the mark, in turn giving herself up for use as a pawn to hopefully save her own family?
No. He couldn't. He couldn't be mad at her for doing exactly what he would have done, exactly what he had done—more or less.
He still couldn't trust her though. He had approached her and told her he'd like to train her, make sure she knew how to use battle magic, because he was certain she would need it at some point. But he couldn't help but feel like he may be wasting his time. She had proven that she was able to change sides, that she could manipulate and ride the line with a foot in either door if she needed to. He needed to be sure she was all in, that she wouldn't run back to the Manor.
If he could trust her, he could offer her safety. He was sure he could find a way to keep her from having to return to the Manor, keep her out of Voldemort's clutches. He needed to find out when they were planning to let the Death Eaters in the castle. If he knew when it was going to happen, perhaps he could stop it. Perhaps he could warn Dumbledore and the rest of the Order and organize a counter strike.
"All right, Harry?" Ron asked, as he emerged from the locker room and jogged to help Ron carry the trunk into the equipment shed.
"Yeah, sorry. Got caught up in my thoughts."
"Been doing that a lot lately, mate." Ron eyed him.
"It's just… All this stuff with Ellie."
"Yeah, I reckoned."
"Well, I just can't help but feel like maybe I'm being too hard on her. I know exactly what it's like to have Voldemort floating around in your head. I know how scared she must have been."
"She lied to you long before that, though. Lied to all of us. I was actually starting to like the bint."
"Don't call her that, Ron." Harry said, rolling his eyes. "We've actually spent some time talking. She's answered every single question I've asked."
"But how can you tell if she's telling the truth?" Ron countered. "If she's in as deep as she says she was, what if she's spying on their side?"
Harry shook his head. "I've thought of that, but I don't think that's the case. Why would she tell me all their plans if she were spying? That doesn't very well make a lot of sense."
"Death Eater's don't make any sense, anyway, do they?" Ron asked. "Besides, look at her brother! That arsehole has always been dodgy. It's been even worse this year, you said so yourself."
"Yeah, because of what they were told to do. If she's told me everything, I can only assume she's not talking to Draco anymore. Besides, she said the Vanishing Cabinet quit working."
"Just stopped working, out of the blue?"
Harry nodded, huffing a few breaths as he and Ron lifted the heavy trunk to the shelf. "I asked about that too. She said she doesn't know. She said she couldn't get it to work again, thinks the incantation is wrong."
"And you trust she isn't going to help him fix it." Ron stated, leaning against the door frame as Harry locked the shed and slipped his wand into his pocket.
"I don't think she will. She seems desperate to be done with it all."
"You could always slip her some Veritaserum. You would know if she's telling the truth that way."
Harry pondered the thought, his stomach twisted unpleasantly. "I wouldn't want to lie to her. That defeats the purpose of building trust back."
"So, ask her to take it. If she's got nothing to hide, it could be a good way to make you feel better."
"Maybe." Harry said. "I don't know. That feels a lot like an interrogation, and I don't really fancy that. Besides, I still have things I need to get sorted."
"Like what?"
"Well for one, if she goes back to the Manor over the summer, I'm certain I'll never see her again, at least not the her I know now."
Ron looked down as they crossed the length of the grounds, heading back to the castle. "Do you want to keep seeing her then? Romantically, I mean."
Harry shrugged. "I love her." He said. "And I've been trying really hard not to. But…" He trailed off.
An awkwardness hung in the air over them as they continued toward the castle. Ron finally sighed and broke the silence. "You know, I thought you'd gone mental when you started seeing her. I truly did. But there's something about her that is just… Right for you. She's a mess, mate. She's got no idea what she wants, at least that's how it seems after everything you've told me. But she wants you. I reckon that means something."
Harry thought about his friend's words. Ron was not a particularly emotionally adept person. He usually shied away from any type of deep conversation, favoring a joke or rude comment in its place. Harry felt slightly taken aback by the weight of Ron's comments.
"You think that's it then?" Harry asked. "That she wants to be with me so she's telling me everything? You don't think it's just… Slytherin self-preservation? That maybe she realized she's on the wrong side and now she's trying to save herself?"
Ron laughed. "Oh, I definitely think she realized she's on the wrong side, but if anything, it's because you showed her that. Or maybe we all did. I don't know, mate. I just hope she's really telling the truth."
"Me too." Harry agreed.
.
.
a/n: A lighter chapter following all the madness of the past few. Also, some time spent with Harry, which I always enjoy writing.
****Song for contemplation after reading? Believe by Mumford and Sons **** Honestly, it's kind of perfect for Harry here, so please enjoy that bit.
A HUGE THANK YOU to my wonderful readers! I've gotten a lot of follow/favorites in the past few days and quite a few reviews! You guys are seriously so wonderful and you keep me writing, even when I don't want to!
Admittedly, yesterday I didn't write a damn thing. Not even a sentence. I spent the day listening to music and playing games with my husband, it was much needed I think. However, it put me a bit behind. I usually like to stay 2 chapters ahead before I post anything, but I thought I'd still post this one. Next chapter might take an extra day or two to get out... I know we've gotten quite spoiled with daily or every other day updates.
To my Alliance readers- I SWEAR I'm going to have the next chapter posted soon. I finished the 2nd chapter, re-read it and decided I hated it and scrapped it and restarted. O_O So, it's coming. Slowly, but it's coming. It's kind of meant to just be a fluffy little fun piece, so I don't have a ton of direction for it yet, but I'm working on it.
I hope you're all staying safe and staying sane. Please keep reviewing! I love them so very much!
xo
Mimi
